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Blackadder Goes Forth (1989) - Stagione Quattro
Ambientata durante la Prima Guerra Mondiale, tra grandi avanguardie tecnologiche, ufficiali imboscati nelle retrovie, soldati mandati al massacro e fermenti rivoluzionari nell'aria. Il protagonista è il Capitano Blackadder, un ufficiale dell'esercito britannico che cerca sempre di non farsi ammazzare e di disertare gli assalti. Il suo tirapiedi è il soldato semplice Sodoff Baldrick.
#blackadder #rowanatkinson #subita
Ambientata durante la Prima Guerra Mondiale, tra grandi avanguardie tecnologiche, ufficiali imboscati nelle retrovie, soldati mandati al massacro e fermenti rivoluzionari nell'aria. Il protagonista è il Capitano Blackadder, un ufficiale dell'esercito britannico che cerca sempre di non farsi ammazzare e di disertare gli assalti. Il suo tirapiedi è il soldato semplice Sodoff Baldrick.
#blackadder #rowanatkinson #subita
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DivertentiTrascrizione
00:00Sous-titrage ST' 501
00:44Grazie a tutti.
01:00Baudric, what are you doing out there?
01:02I'm carving something on this bullet, sir.
01:04What are you carving?
01:06I'm carving Baudric, sir.
01:09Why?
01:10It's a cunning plan, actually.
01:12Of course it is.
01:13You see, you know they say that somewhere there's a bullet with your name on it.
01:19Well, I thought if I owned the bullet with my name on it, I'd never get hit by it.
01:26Because I won't ever shoot myself.
01:28Oh, shame.
01:31The chances of there being two bullets with my name on them are very small indeed.
01:36It's not the only thing around here that's very small indeed.
01:40Your brain, for example, is so minute, Baudric, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open,
01:47there wouldn't be enough inside to cover a small water biscuit.
01:53Tally-ho, Pip-Pip, and Bernard's your uncle.
01:55In English we say good morning.
01:58Look what I got for you, sir.
01:59What?
02:00It's the latest issue of King and Country.
02:02Oh, damn inspiring stuff.
02:04The magazine that tells the Tommies the truth about the war.
02:07Or, alternatively, the greatest work of fiction since vows of fidelity were included in the French marriage service.
02:14From concern.
02:15Now, you can't deny that this fine newspaper is good for the morale of the men.
02:19Certainly not.
02:19I just think that more could be achieved by giving them some real toilet paper.
02:24What with you at all, sir, what could any patriotic chap have against this magnificent mag?
02:29Apart from his bottom?
02:30Yes.
02:32Well, look at it.
02:33I mean, the stuff's about as convincing as Dr. Crippen's defence lawyer.
02:37The British Tommies are all portrayed as six foot six with biceps the size of Bournemouth.
02:43Thoroughly inspiring stuff.
02:44No, look, sir, it's also just a ride for you this morning.
02:50Hmm.
02:51Do you know what this is, Lieutenant?
02:52Oh, it's a good old service revolver.
02:54Wrong.
02:55It's a brand new service revolver, which I've suspiciously been sent without asking for it.
03:00I smell something fishy.
03:02And I'm not talking about the contents of Baldrick's Apple Crumble.
03:08That's funny, sir, because we didn't order those new trench climbing ladders, either.
03:13New ladders?
03:13No, came yesterday.
03:14I issued them to the mayor and they were absolutely thrilled.
03:17Isn't that right, men?
03:18Yes, sir.
03:19First solid fuel we've had since we burned the cats.
03:24Something's going on, and I think I can make an educated guess what it is.
03:28Something which you, George, would find hard to do.
03:30True, true.
03:32Where I was at school, education could go hang as long as a boy could hit a six, sing the
03:36school song very loud, and take a hot trumpet from behind without blobbing.
03:41Now, on the other hand, I'm a fully rounded human being, with a degree from the University
03:45of Life, a diploma from the School of Hard Knocks, and three gold stars from the kindergarten
03:50of getting the shit kicked out of me.
03:52And my instincts lead me to deduce that we are at last about to go over the top.
03:58Great stotter!
04:00You mean the moment's finally arrived for us to give Harry Han a darn good British-style
04:05thrashing, six of the best, trousers down?
04:06I mean, are we all going to get killed?
04:09Yes.
04:10Clearly, Field Marshal Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan effort to move his
04:15drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin.
04:19Bravo, Wissamo!
04:20Well, let's make a start, eh?
04:21Up and over to glory.
04:22Last one in Berlin's a rotten egg.
04:25Give me your helmet, Lieutenant.
04:37Yes, some sort of clever hat camouflage might be in order.
04:42Permission to speak, sir?
04:44Granted, with a due sense of exhaustion and dread.
04:48I have a cunning plan to get us out of getting killed, sir.
04:51Ah, yes.
04:52What is it?
04:53Cooking.
04:53I see.
04:56Those staff HQs always on the lookout for good cooks.
04:59Well, we go over there, we cook them something, and we get out of the trenches that way.
05:04Baldrick, it's a brilliant plan.
05:06Is it?
05:07Yes, it's a plan.
05:08Permission to write home immediately, sir.
05:10This is the first brilliant plan a Baldrick's ever had.
05:13For centuries we've tried, and they've always turned out to be total pig swill.
05:19My mother will be as pleased as Punch.
05:21If only she were as good-looking as Punch, Baldrick.
05:25There is, however, one slight flaw in the plan.
05:28Oh.
05:29You're the worst cook in the entire world.
05:31Oh, yeah, that's right.
05:33There are amoeba on Saturn who could boil a better egg than you.
05:37Your filet mignon in sauce bearnais look like dog turds in blue.
05:43That's because they are.
05:45Your plum duff tastes like it's a molehill decorated with rabbit droppings.
05:50I thought you wouldn't notice.
05:52And your cream custard has the texture of cat's vomit.
05:56Again, it's...
05:58If you were to serve one of your meals in Staff HQ,
06:01you'd be arrested for the greatest mass poisoning
06:03since Lucretia Borgia invited 500 of her close friends round
06:07for a wine and anthrax party.
06:10Now we'll have to think of a better plan than that.
06:12Right.
06:13How about a nice meal while you chew it over?
06:15What's on the menu?
06:18Rat.
06:20Sauté or fricassee?
06:22Oh, the agony of choice.
06:26Sautéed involves?
06:27Well, you take the freshly shaved rat
06:29and you marinate it in a puddle for a while.
06:33Mm-hm. For how long?
06:34Till it's drowned.
06:36Then you stretch it out under a hot light bulb.
06:39Then you get within dashing distance of the latrine
06:41and you scoff it right down.
06:44So that's sautéing and fricasseeing?
06:47Exactly the same.
06:48Just a slightly bigger rat.
06:51Well, call me old Mr. Unadventurous,
06:53but I think I'll give it a missus once.
06:55Fair enough, sir.
06:56More for the rest of us, eh, sir?
06:58Absolutely private.
06:59Tally-ho, barf, barf.
07:03Hello, the Savoy Grill.
07:07No, it's you.
07:09Yes.
07:10Yes, I'll be over in 40 minutes.
07:11Who was it then, sir?
07:12Strangely enough, Ulrich,
07:15it was Pope Gregory IX
07:17inviting me for drinks
07:18aboard his steam yacht,
07:20the Saucy Sue,
07:21currently wintering in Montego Bay
07:23with the England cricket team
07:24and the Balinese goddess of plenty.
07:27Really?
07:28No, not really.
07:30I've been ordered to HQ.
07:32No doubt that idiot General Melchett
07:34is about to offer me
07:35some attractive new opportunities
07:37to have my brains blown out for Britain.
07:48What do you want, darling?
07:53It's Captain, darling, to you.
07:55General Melchett wants to see you
07:56about a highly important secret mission.
07:58What's going on, darling?
08:00Captain Blackadder to see you, sir.
08:02Ah, excellent.
08:03Just a short back and side
08:05for there, I think, please.
08:06Er, please, sir.
08:07That's Corporal Black, sir.
08:09Captain Blackadder is here
08:10about the other matter, sir,
08:10the secret matter.
08:12Ah, yes, the special mission.
08:14At ease, Blackadder.
08:17Now, what I'm about to tell you
08:18is absolutely tip-top secret.
08:21Is that clear?
08:22It is, sir.
08:23Now, I've compiled the list
08:24of those with security clearance.
08:26Have you got it, darling?
08:27Yes, sir.
08:28Read it, please.
08:30It's top security, sir.
08:31I think that's all
08:32the captain needs to know.
08:33Don't should, Schlitz.
08:34Hear the list in full.
08:36Very well, sir.
08:38List of personnel cleared
08:39for Mission Gainsborough
08:40as dictated by General C.H. Melchett.
08:43You and me, darling, obviously.
08:46Field Marshal Haig.
08:47Field Marshal Haig's wife.
08:49All Field Marshal Haig's wife's friends.
08:51Their families.
08:52Their family's servants.
08:53Their family's servants' tennis partners.
08:56And some chap I bumped into
08:57in the mess the other day
08:58called Bernard.
09:00So, it's maximum security.
09:02Is that clear?
09:03Quite clear, sir.
09:04Only myself and the rest
09:06of the English-speaking world
09:07is to know.
09:08Good man.
09:09Now, Field Marshal Haig
09:11has formulated
09:12a brilliant new tactical plan
09:14to ensure final victory
09:16in the field.
09:18Ah.
09:19Would this brilliant plan
09:20involve us climbing
09:21out of our trenches
09:22and walking very slowly
09:23towards the enemy, sir?
09:25How could you possibly know
09:26that, Blackadder?
09:27It's classified information.
09:29It's the same plan
09:30that we used last time
09:31and the 17 times before that.
09:34I-I-exactly.
09:36And that is what
09:37is so brilliant about it.
09:39It will catch
09:40the watchful hung
09:41totally off guard.
09:42Doing precisely
09:43what we've done
09:4418 times before
09:45is exactly the last thing
09:47they'll expect us
09:47to do this time.
09:49There is, however,
09:50one small problem.
09:52That everyone always
09:53gets slaughtered
09:54in the first 10 seconds.
09:55That's right.
09:56And Field Marshal Haig
09:58is worried that this
09:58may be depressing
09:59the men attached.
10:01He's looking to find
10:02a way to cheer them up.
10:04Well, his resignation
10:05and suicide
10:06would seem the opposite.
10:08Interesting thought.
10:09Make a note of it, darling.
10:11Take a look at this.
10:12I'm sure you know it.
10:13King and country.
10:15Ah, yes.
10:16Without question,
10:17my favourite magazine.
10:19Soft, strong
10:20and thoroughly absorbent.
10:23I thought it would be
10:25right up your alley.
10:30Field Marshal Haig's plan
10:32is this.
10:33To commission a man
10:34to do an especially
10:35stirring painting
10:37for the cover
10:37of the next issue
10:38so as to really inspire
10:40the men
10:41for the final push.
10:42What I want you to do,
10:43Blackadder,
10:44is to labour
10:45night and day
10:45to find a first-rate
10:47artist from amongst
10:48your men.
10:49Impossible, sir.
10:49I know from long experience
10:51that my men
10:52have all the artistic talent
10:53of a cluster
10:54of colour-blind hedgehogs
10:57in a bag.
11:00Well, that's a bit of a blow.
11:02We needed a man
11:03to leave the trenches immediately.
11:04Leave the trenches?
11:06Yes.
11:06I wonder
11:07if you've enjoyed
11:09as I have, sir,
11:10that marvellous painting
11:11in the National Portrait Gallery
11:12Bag Interior
11:14by the colour-blind
11:16hedgehog workshop
11:17of Siena.
11:19I'm sorry.
11:19Are you saying
11:20you can find us a man?
11:21I think I can.
11:23And might I suggest, sir,
11:24that having left the trenches,
11:25it might be a good idea
11:26to post our man
11:28to Paris
11:29in order to soak up
11:30a little of the artistic atmosphere.
11:32Perhaps even Tahiti,
11:33I do think.
11:34It serves to produce
11:35a real masterpiece.
11:37Yes, yes,
11:37but can you find the man?
11:39Now I know
11:40I can, sir.
11:41Before you can say
11:42sunflowers,
11:43I'll have Vincent Van Gogh
11:44standing before you.
11:51No, no,
11:52don't stop, sir.
11:53It's coming.
11:53It's definitely coming.
11:54I...
11:55Yeah, I...
11:58I just wonder
11:59whether two socks
12:01and a hand grenade
12:01is really the sort of thing
12:02that covers a king
12:04and country are made of.
12:05They will be
12:05when I've painted them
12:06being shoved up
12:07the Kaiser's backside.
12:09Ah, now,
12:10now, this is interesting.
12:11What is?
12:12Well, Private Baldrick
12:13is obviously
12:14a bit of an impressionist.
12:15The only decent impression
12:16he can do
12:17is of a man
12:17with no talent.
12:20What's it called, Baldrick?
12:21The Vomiting Cavalier.
12:24No, sir.
12:25That's not supposed
12:26to be vomit.
12:26It's dabs of light.
12:28No, it's vomit.
12:30Yes.
12:31So, uh,
12:31why did you choose that?
12:33You told me to, sir.
12:34Did I?
12:35Yeah, you told me
12:36to paint whatever
12:36comes from within.
12:37So I did my breakfast.
12:40Look,
12:41there's a little tomato.
12:43Goodness.
12:44If only I'd paid attention
12:45in nursery art class
12:47instead of spending
12:47my entire time
12:49manufacturing papier-mâché
12:50willies
12:51to frighten Sarah Wills.
12:53You know,
12:53it's funny,
12:54but painting was the only thing
12:55I was ever any good at.
12:56Well, it's a pity
12:57you didn't keep it up.
12:58Well, as a matter of fact,
12:59I did, actually.
13:00I mean,
13:01normally, of course,
13:02I wouldn't show them
13:03to anyone
13:03because they're just
13:04embarrassing daubs, really.
13:05But, you know,
13:06they give me pleasure
13:08to show them to you now
13:10as it happens.
13:11Well, there you go.
13:11For what they're worth.
13:13To be honest,
13:13I should have my hands
13:15cut off.
13:15I mean...
13:16George,
13:16these are brilliant.
13:17Why didn't you tell us
13:18about these before?
13:20Well, you know,
13:21doesn't like to blow
13:21one's own trumpet.
13:23You might at least
13:24have told us
13:24you had a trumpet.
13:27These paintings
13:28could spell my way
13:29out of the trenches.
13:30Yours?
13:32That's right,
13:32ours.
13:34All we have to do
13:35is paint something heroic
13:36to appeal
13:37to the simple-minded
13:38Tommy.
13:39Over to you,
13:40Baldrick.
13:42How about
13:42a noble Tommy
13:44standing with a look
13:45of horror and disgust
13:47over the body
13:48of a murdered nun
13:49who's been brutally
13:50done over
13:51by a nasty old German?
13:54Excellent.
13:54I can see it now.
13:56The nun
13:56and the hun.
13:59No time to lose.
14:00George,
14:01set up your easel.
14:02Baldrick and I
14:02will pose.
14:03This is going to be
14:04Art's greatest moment
14:05since Mona Lisa
14:06sat down
14:06and told Leonardo da Vinci
14:08she was in a slightly
14:09odd mood.
14:11Baldrick,
14:11you lie down in the mud
14:12and be the nun.
14:13I'm not lying down there.
14:14It's all wet.
14:15Let's put it this way.
14:16Either you lie down
14:17and get wet
14:17or you knock down
14:18and get a broken nose.
14:20Actually,
14:21it's not that wet,
14:21is it?
14:22No.
14:26What are you going to be
14:27then, sir?
14:28The noble Tommy?
14:29Precisely.
14:29Standing over the body
14:30of the ravaged nun.
14:32I want a wimple.
14:33Well, you should have
14:33gone before we started
14:34the picture.
14:35You know,
14:35the funny thing is
14:37my father was a nun.
14:41No, he wasn't.
14:42He was so, sir.
14:43I know,
14:44because whenever he was
14:45up in court
14:46and the judge used
14:47to say occupation,
14:48he'd say nun.
14:53Right, you ready?
14:54Oh, just about.
14:55So, yes.
14:56If you'd just like
14:57to pop your clothes
14:58on the stool.
15:01I'm sorry?
15:02Just pop your clothes
15:03on the stool over there.
15:05You mean,
15:06you want me
15:07tackle out?
15:11Fortunately,
15:11so, yes.
15:12If I can remind you
15:13of the realities
15:14of battle, George,
15:15one of the first things
15:16that everyone notices
15:17is that all the protagonists
15:18have got their clothes on.
15:20Neither we nor the Hun
15:21favour fighting
15:22our battles au naturel.
15:24What's that?
15:25It's artistic licence.
15:27It's willing suspension
15:28of disbelief.
15:29Well, I'm not having
15:30anyone staring in disbelief
15:31at my willy suspension.
15:34Now, get on and paint
15:35the bloody thing
15:36sharpish.
15:41brilliant, George.
15:42It's a masterpiece.
15:44The Wimple
15:45Sitch, you boy.
15:46By, it completely
15:47covers my face.
15:48Exactly.
15:50Now, men,
15:51General Melchard
15:51will be here
15:52at any moment.
15:53When he arrives,
15:53leave the talking to me,
15:54all right?
15:54I like to keep
15:56an informal trench,
15:57as you know,
15:58but today,
15:59you must only speak
16:00with my express permission.
16:01Is that clear?
16:03Is that clear?
16:06Permission to speak?
16:07Yes, sir.
16:07Absolutely, yes, sir.
16:09Attention!
16:12Back out!
16:14Attention!
16:17Excellent.
16:18At ease.
16:19Now then, Blackadder,
16:20where would you like me to sit?
16:22I thought just a simple
16:23trim of the moustache today,
16:24nothing drastic.
16:25Yes, sir.
16:26We hear about the paintings, sir.
16:27Oh, yes, of course.
16:29The Lord, George!
16:30Ha, ha, ha!
16:32How are you, my boy?
16:36I said, how are you?
16:38Permission to speak?
16:39Oh, no, absolutely.
16:40Top holes are
16:41with a ying and a yang
16:42and a yippity-doo.
16:44Splendid!
16:45And your Uncle Betty
16:46sends his regards.
16:47I told them you could have
16:48a week off in April.
16:49Don't want you missing
16:49the boat race, do him?
16:51permission to speak?
16:52Oh, certainly not.
16:54Permission to sing
16:55boisterously, sir?
16:56If you must.
16:58Ro, ro, ro,
16:59you punt
16:59gently down the stream.
17:01Belts off,
17:02trousers down,
17:03isn't life a scream?
17:09Fabulous.
17:10University education.
17:11You can't beat it.
17:13Bravo.
17:14Now,
17:15what have we here?
17:17Name?
17:18Permission to speak?
17:19Baldrick, sir.
17:20Oh, telly-ho,
17:22yippity-dap
17:22and zing-zang spillip.
17:24Looking forward
17:25to bullying off
17:26for the final chucker?
17:28Permission to speak?
17:33Answer the general,
17:34Baldrick.
17:35I can't answer him, sir.
17:36I don't know
17:36what he's talking about.
17:39Are you looking forward
17:41to the big push?
17:43No, sir.
17:44I'm absolutely terrified.
17:45for the healthy humour
17:49of the honest Tommy.
17:50Ha-ha!
17:51Don't worry, my boy.
17:53If you should falter,
17:54remember that Captain Darling
17:55and I are behind you.
17:57About 35 miles behind you.
18:01Right, well,
18:02stand by your bed.
18:03Let's have a look
18:04at this artist of yours,
18:05Blackadder.
18:06Next to me, darling.
18:07Thank you, sir.
18:08Have you found someone?
18:10Yes, sir.
18:11I think I have.
18:12None other
18:12than young George here.
18:14Oh, brother.
18:16Well, let's have a shifty, then.
18:17It's simply called
18:19War.
18:22Damn silly title, George.
18:24Looks more like
18:25a couple of socks
18:25and a stick of pineapple
18:27to me.
18:28Ha-ha!
18:28Permission to speak, sir?
18:30Uh, I think not,
18:31actually.
18:31Ha-ha!
18:33Quite right.
18:33If what happens
18:34when you open your mouth
18:35is anything like
18:36what happens
18:36when you open your paintbox,
18:37we'll all be drenched
18:38in phlegm.
18:40Oh, no.
18:41This isn't what
18:42we're looking for at all,
18:43is it, darling?
18:44No, sir.
18:44No, sir!
18:45There is.
18:46This, sir,
18:47it's Private Baldrick's.
18:48He's called it
18:49My Family
18:50and Other Animals.
18:53Oh, good lord, no.
18:55Well, I'm afraid
18:57that's about it, sir.
18:58Apart from
18:59this little thing.
19:01Ah, now
19:02that's more like it!
19:05Who painted this, Blackadder?
19:06Well, actually,
19:07it was me.
19:08Permission to speak,
19:09really quite urgently, sir.
19:11Damn and blast
19:12your goggly eyes.
19:13Will you stop
19:14interrupting, George?
19:16Oh, this is excellent.
19:17Congratulations, man.
19:18Oh, it's totally
19:19inspiring.
19:20Makes you wonder.
19:22Jump over the top
19:23and yell,
19:24Yaboo sucks
19:24to you, Fritchie.
19:26Thank you, sir.
19:27Are you sure
19:28you did this, Blackadder?
19:29Of course I'm sure.
19:31I'm afraid
19:31I don't believe you.
19:33How dare you, darling?
19:36You devil,
19:37I can't let that
19:37slur pass.
19:38What possible,
19:39low, suspicious,
19:41slanderous reason
19:41could have this,
19:42office boy,
19:43have for thinking
19:44that I didn't
19:45paint the picture?
19:45Well, three reasons,
19:46as a matter of fact.
19:47firstly, you're in it.
19:49It's a self-portrait.
19:52Secondly,
19:53you told us
19:53you couldn't paint.
19:54Well, one doesn't
19:55like to blow
19:56one's own trumpet.
19:57Permission?
19:57Denied.
19:59And thirdly,
20:01it's signed,
20:02George.
20:12Well spotted.
20:14but not
20:15signed, George.
20:17Dedicated
20:18to George.
20:20King George.
20:21Gentlemen,
20:22the king.
20:23The king!
20:24Where?
20:26Bravo, Blackadder.
20:27I have absolutely
20:28no hesitation
20:29in appointing you
20:30our official
20:30regimental artist.
20:32You're a damn
20:33fine chap,
20:34not a pen-pushing,
20:35desk-sucking,
20:36blotter-jotter
20:37like Darling here.
20:39May, darling?
20:40No, sir.
20:40No, sir.
20:41Well,
20:41accompany us back
20:42to HQ immediately.
20:43Attention!
20:45Permission to
20:46jolly well speak
20:47right now, sir,
20:48otherwise I might just
20:48burst like a
20:49bloody balloon.
20:51Later, George.
20:52Much later.
20:55Congratulations
20:56on your new
20:57appointment,
20:57Blackadder.
20:58Thank you, sir.
20:59And may I say,
21:00Blackadder,
21:00I am particularly
21:01pleased about it.
21:02Are you?
21:04Oh, yes.
21:05Now that you are
21:06our official
21:07war artist,
21:08we can give you
21:08the full briefing.
21:10The fact is,
21:11Blackadder,
21:11that the King and
21:12Country cover story
21:13was just a
21:15cover story.
21:16We want you,
21:17as our top
21:18painting bod,
21:19to leave the
21:20trenches
21:20tonight.
21:22Suits me.
21:24And go out
21:25into no-man's land.
21:29No-man's land?
21:31Yes.
21:32Not Paris?
21:33No.
21:35We want you
21:36to come back
21:37with accurate
21:38drawings of the
21:38enemy positions.
21:40You want me
21:40to sit in no-man's land
21:43painting pictures
21:44of the Germans?
21:46Precisely.
21:47Good man.
21:47Well, it's a very
21:48attractive proposition,
21:50gentlemen,
21:50but unfortunately
21:51not practical.
21:52You see,
21:52my medium is light.
21:53It'll be pitch dark.
21:55I won't be able
21:55to see a thing.
21:56Ah, that is a point.
21:58I tell you what,
21:58we'll send up
21:59a couple of flares.
22:01You'll be lit up
22:01like a Christmas tree.
22:04Oh, excellent,
22:05excellent.
22:05Glad I checked.
22:08All right.
22:09Total and utter
22:09quiet.
22:10Do you understand?
22:11So, for instance,
22:12if any of us
22:12crawl over any
22:13barbed wire,
22:14they must,
22:14on no account,
22:15go...
22:16Ah!
22:17You've just
22:18crawled over
22:18some barbed wire,
22:19sir?
22:20No, Baldrick,
22:20I've just put my
22:21elbow in a blob
22:22of ice cream.
22:23Oh, that's all right.
22:25Now, where the
22:25hell are we,
22:26one?
22:26Well, it's a bit
22:27difficult to say.
22:28We appear to have
22:29crawled into an area
22:29marked with mushrooms.
22:31What do those
22:32symbols denote?
22:34Don't we're in a field
22:35of mushrooms?
22:36Lieutenant,
22:37that is a military map.
22:38It is unlikely to list
22:39interesting flora and
22:40fungi.
22:41Look at the key
22:43and you'll discover
22:44that those mushrooms
22:45aren't for picking.
22:46Good Lord,
22:46you're quite right,
22:47sir.
22:47It says mine.
22:50So,
22:50these mushrooms
22:52must belong to the man
22:52who made the map.
22:55LAUGHTER
22:57Either that
22:58or we're in the middle
22:59of a mine field.
23:01Oh, dear.
23:02So, he owns the field
23:03as well.
23:08They're boring, sir!
23:09They're boring!
23:10Yes, thank you,
23:11Lieutenant.
23:12If they hit me,
23:13you'll be sure
23:14to point it out,
23:14aren't you?
23:16Now, come on,
23:17get on with your drawing
23:17and let's get out of here.
23:19Well, surely we ought
23:19to wait for the flares,
23:20sir.
23:21You see,
23:21my medium is light.
23:22Look, I...
23:23just use your imagination
23:24for heaven's sake.
23:25Wait a minute.
23:27That's the answer.
23:28What?
23:28I can't believe
23:29I've been so stupid.
23:31Yeah, that is unusual
23:31because usually
23:32I'm the stupid one.
23:34Well, I'm not over-furnished
23:35in the brain department.
23:37Yes, well, on this occasion
23:39I've been stupidest of all.
23:40Oh, now, sir,
23:42I will not have that.
23:44Baldrick and I
23:45will always be more stupid
23:46than you.
23:47Isn't that right, Baldrick?
23:47Stupid, stupid, stupid.
23:49Yeah.
23:50Stupidy, stupidy, stupid.
23:52The stupidest stupids
23:54in the whole history
23:54of stupidity does.
24:01Finished?
24:04I think the obvious point
24:05is this.
24:06We'll go straight back
24:07to the dugout
24:07and do the painting
24:08from there.
24:09You do the most imaginative,
24:11most exciting,
24:12possible drawing
24:13of German defences
24:14from your imagination.
24:15I see.
24:16Now, that is a challenge.
24:17Well, quite.
24:18Come on, let's get out of here.
24:20Oh, sir, just one thing.
24:22If we should happen
24:23to tread on a mine,
24:24what do we do?
24:27Well, normal procedure,
24:29Lieutenant,
24:29is to jump 200 feet
24:31into the air
24:32and scatter yourself
24:33over a wide area.
24:39Are you sure
24:39this is what you saw,
24:40Blackheader?
24:41Absolutely.
24:42I mean,
24:43there may have been
24:43a few more armament factories
24:44and not quite as many elephants,
24:47but...
24:50Well,
24:51you know what this means.
24:53If it's true, sir,
24:54we'll have to cancel the push.
24:56Exactly.
24:58Damn!
24:58What a nuisance.
25:00exactly what the enemy
25:02would expect us to do
25:03and therefore
25:04exactly what we shan't do.
25:06Ah.
25:07Now...
25:07If we attack
25:09where the line is strongest,
25:11then Fritz will think
25:12that our reconnaissance
25:13is a total shambles.
25:14This will lull him
25:15into a sense of full security.
25:17And then next week,
25:18we can attack
25:19where the line
25:19is actually badly defended
25:21and win the greatest victory
25:24since the Winchester
25:25flower-arranging team
25:26beat Harrow
25:27by 12 sore bottoms to one.
25:31Tell me,
25:32have you ever visited
25:33the planet Earth, sir?
25:35So,
25:36best fighting trousers on,
25:38Blackheader?
25:39Permission to shout
25:40Bravo
25:40at an annoyingly loud volume, sir.
25:42Permission granted.
25:43Bravo!
25:45That's the spirit.
25:46Just your kind of caper,
25:48eh, Blackheader?
25:48Oh, yes.
25:50Good luck
25:50against those elephants.
25:55Got me a chisel
25:56and some marble,
25:57will you, Bordrick?
25:58Oh,
25:58you're taking up
25:59sculpture now, sir?
26:00No,
26:00I thought I'd get
26:00my headstone done.
26:03What are you going to put on this?
26:04Here lies
26:04Edmund Blackheader
26:06and he's bloody annoyed.
26:09We'll be going over,
26:11are we, sir?
26:11Yes, we are.
26:12Unless I can think
26:13of some brilliant plan.
26:15Would you like
26:15some rat-o-van
26:17to help you think?
26:19Rat-o-van.
26:20Yeah, it's rat
26:21that's been run over
26:22by a van.
26:25No, thank you, Bordrick.
26:27Although,
26:28it gives me
26:29an idea.
26:30Telephone, please.
26:33I suppose
26:33Blackheader
26:34and his boys
26:34will have gone
26:35over the top
26:35by now, sir.
26:36Yes, God,
26:37I wish I was out there
26:38with them
26:38dodging the bullets
26:39instead of having
26:40to sit here
26:40drinking this
26:41Chateau Lafitte
26:42and eating these
26:43filets mignons
26:44with sauce
26:45Barnaise.
26:46My thoughts
26:47exactly, sir.
26:48Damn this
26:49Chateau Lafitte.
26:50He's a very
26:51brave man,
26:52Blackadder.
26:53And, of course,
26:53that lieutenant
26:54of his,
26:54George.
26:55Cambridge man,
26:56you know.
26:57His uncle Bertie
26:58and I used to
26:59break wind
26:59for our college.
27:01Slightly, um,
27:03unusual taste,
27:04this sauce,
27:05Barnaise.
27:05Yes, sir.
27:07And to be quite frank,
27:07these,
27:08these mignons
27:09are a little,
27:11well...
27:11What?
27:12Well,
27:13dungy.
27:15What on earth
27:16is wrong
27:16without cook?
27:17Well,
27:18it's a rather
27:19strange story, sir.
27:20Oh, tell, tell.
27:22Well, sir,
27:23I received a phone
27:24call this afternoon
27:25from Pope Gregory
27:26the Ninth
27:27telling me
27:28that our cook
27:29had been selected
27:30for the Indian
27:31cricket team
27:31and must set sail
27:33for the West Indies
27:33immediately.
27:35Really?
27:36Barely a moment
27:36later,
27:37the phone rang again.
27:38It was a trio
27:39of wandering
27:40Italian chefs
27:41who happened
27:41to be in the area
27:42offering their services.
27:44So I had the quartermaster
27:45take them on at once.
27:46Huh?
27:47Huh?
27:47Huh?
27:48Oh, dumping juice!
27:51Are you sure
27:52these are real raisins
27:53in this blood duff?
27:56Oh, yes,
27:56I'm sure they are, sir.
27:59Everything will be all right
28:00once the cream custard arrives.
28:05That was all
28:06jolly good fun, sir,
28:07but dash it all,
28:08we appear to have missed
28:09the big push.
28:10Oh, damn,
28:11so we have.
28:13One thing puzzles me,
28:15Balric.
28:15How did you manage
28:16to get so much
28:17custard
28:18out of such a small cat?
28:20LAUGHTER
28:21and then we'll see you next time.
28:50MUSIC CONTINUES
28:51MUSIC CONTINUES
28:51Grazie a tutti.
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