The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:20Hey, hey, hey, don't touch my paper, boy.
00:23I just want to see if there's anything interesting happening in the world.
00:27Interesting.
00:30It says right here a young boy out of Los Angeles about to lose his hand for touching his
00:34uncle's paper.
00:38Anything interesting in there?
00:40Boris Yeltsin's back in the news.
00:45Look at this.
00:47Panties and bras.
00:49Doggone it, Jordan.
00:49That's all you've been doing.
00:51I don't know what's wrong with you.
00:52All you do is watch women in their panties and brawl.
00:54Freak!
01:00Look at this.
01:01It used to be bugs, rocks, magic.
01:04Now it's bugs, rocks, magic, and girls.
01:07Oh, sure.
01:08Jordan hasn't looked crushes before, but what used to be cute has become the situation.
01:12The boy's like a raging hormone.
01:14And I don't want him thinking about sex yet, America, because once you start, you know
01:18how it go.
01:19You'll never stop.
01:20And he ain't ready for that.
01:21And truth be told, America, neither am I.
01:25Huh.
01:26Braw and panty-ass.
01:28At least the boy was awful.
01:31Huh.
01:32She got odd.
01:47What you doing, Joy?
01:48Well, since I can't read.
01:50Yeah, since you can't read.
01:54What did you do with them bikinis?
01:56It's beach volleyball, and the winners jump up and down.
02:02Oh, wait a minute.
02:03That girl just missed the point, man.
02:05She's still jumping.
02:06She's hopping me.
02:07Huh.
02:08Huh.
02:09Huh.
02:10What happened with that game with the machete?
02:12The dismemberment game?
02:13They told me it was too violent.
02:15Why don't you start playing it?
02:16Play it.
02:18Yay!
02:18I'm totally stuck.
02:20Hey, baby.
02:22Did you buy this boy this bikini video stuff?
02:24Put me in there, all I...
02:25Uh, hey, hey, Cheryl.
02:27How you doing?
02:28Hey, Bernie.
02:28Oh, funniest thing happened.
02:31I went to the video store the other day,
02:32and I saw you on the cover of the Pootie Tang box.
02:37I mean, I was telling everybody in the store, hey, I know that guy.
02:41That is funny, because that wasn't me.
02:43Yeah, no.
02:44Mel, I'm pretty sure that was you.
02:45I'm not gonna argue.
02:46Look.
02:46Hey, honey.
02:48Cheryl has good news.
02:49She's opening up her own Pilates studio.
02:51Mm-hmm.
02:51Now, Cheryl, I think that's great.
02:53I love what you do with my white body.
02:54Okay, here's the literature.
02:55Oh, thank you.
02:57Ew.
02:58Vanessa was just alerting us to the plate of the sea turtle.
03:00Vanessa, I told you, quit bothering people with that bull, man.
03:03That thing won't give a flip and say your butt.
03:05Mr. Hanson says they're gonna be in danger.
03:07It's better than being extinct.
03:09Oh, come on, Bernie.
03:11You know, we're always on our kids about not being involved,
03:13and then when they are, we don't support them.
03:15Here, Vanessa.
03:18I...
03:20support you.
03:21Well, who supported...
03:22Hey, there's a nice little surprise I got for you in the refrigerator.
03:24In the refrigerator?
03:25Yeah.
03:25Right there in the little, um, the bin.
03:29Let me see.
03:31The woman's annoying.
03:33I'm talking about I don't support the kid.
03:35The kid was next to live into a cardboard box.
03:37Thanks to me, the boy got normal bone density again.
03:40Oh, come on.
03:41That's not what she meant.
03:42Besides, it's not like I don't find any of your friends annoying.
03:45What's one of my friends you find annoying besides Jerry Vest when he drinks?
03:48Uh, how about WB?
03:52I mean, I love him, but he's always here.
03:55And he calls me Wah-Wah.
03:57Oh, baby, Wah-Wah.
03:59That's a ton of endearments.
04:00So don't trip, baby.
04:01Hey, what are you doing with my fashion magazine?
04:03The last thing I need are these books hanging around so that boy can get to him.
04:06Their fashion magazine.
04:07Come on, come on now, Wanda.
04:08Come on.
04:08Okay, well, honey, if you are that concerned about Jordan,
04:11then, sweetheart, maybe you should give him the talk.
04:13I ain't talking about nothing.
04:15Well, honey, obviously he's grown curious about women, which is perfectly natural.
04:19I'm quite sure he's got some questions.
04:22I ain't answer no questions.
04:23That's the problem right now.
04:25Thirteen-year-old mamas, fourteen-year-old daddy, growing up too doggone fast.
04:29Hmm.
04:30I ain't having that up in this house.
04:32I'm not going to have it.
04:33Last night I need that boy walking around here with some knowledge.
04:36Plus, talk is cheap.
04:37I'm about action.
04:39Now, help me lift this doggone bed up so I can hide these magazines underneath there.
04:41Come on now.
04:45Chillax.
04:46Look at you.
04:47Yeah.
04:48Sit down right here.
04:49Yeah, you...
04:50You know, this thing got you all tense and tight.
04:53Yeah, it do.
04:54Look, you got a knot back here the size of a peach pit.
04:56You feel it?
04:58Uncle Bernie!
04:59Ooh, it just got bigger.
05:01Go on now, Jordan, I'm busy.
05:03I'm kidding.
05:06You guys are doing it!
05:11Son, just because you think you know about certain things don't mean you can go around
05:15doing them.
05:16You're too young.
05:18You are definitely too doggone young.
05:20You ain't ready for that type of responsibility.
05:22What are you talking about?
05:24You know what I'm talking about.
05:25You said it means your aunt was getting ready to do it.
05:27And Jordan, I want to know what you meant by that.
05:29Is this some kind of trick?
05:30Because I can go get the belt right now.
05:32Son, this ain't no trick.
05:33And I'm telling you, you got a free pass.
05:34Now tell me what you think you know.
05:38Okay.
05:39All right.
05:40First, the man and the woman have dinner, right?
05:42But not at the fast food restaurant.
05:44You know, a fancy one.
05:46With tablecloths and a waiter with a towel on his arm.
05:49Four star.
05:49So then, the man orders some wine and tells the lady how pretty she looks.
05:53She giggles and feels his muscles.
05:56That's called foreplay.
05:57Oh, Lord.
05:58So then, they go back to his place.
06:00They listen to some smooth music.
06:02You know, the kind you listen to when you think we're asleep.
06:05You talking about Coltrane Cold, boy.
06:07Now he dims the lights.
06:08And this is when things get interesting.
06:10The lady lays on the bed.
06:11And the man hops on top of her.
06:13And they roll back and forth kissing.
06:15And while this is going on, the lady lets the man see her boobies.
06:18And then their eyes roll into the back of their head.
06:21And they smoke a cigarette.
06:22And then they get married.
06:23And that's doing it.
06:27Well, I put that to bed, Eff.
06:31Well, speaking of bed, Bernie, that's not really how you have sex.
06:36I know that.
06:37But it's still great.
06:39See, George may have some moves down, but he don't know everything about the ends and
06:43out, if you know what I'm saying.
06:44That's great.
06:45And you're okay with that?
06:47You're doggone right I'm okay.
06:49His ignorance is my bliss.
06:52Sexual repression can lead to all sorts of hang-ups, Bernie.
06:55Performance anxiety, nervous tics.
06:58From the looks of your nephew, it's going to be an uphill battle as it is.
07:03Man, that's cold, Eff.
07:05I never thought you'd say something like that.
07:06The boy's only 11 years old.
07:08How you want him to be?
07:09Another you?
07:11It's been a good life.
07:20You're supposed to be backing me with that.
07:21What's up with this?
07:22All I know, there's a little boy moping around here because all his friends are at a party
07:26and you won't let him go to.
07:27I'm teaching him to be an individual.
07:29No, you're controlling him.
07:30You're damn right.
07:31I control all three of them.
07:32As long as they live on this roof, they live according to the gospel of Bernie Mac.
07:35You know, the preacher kids are always the wildest ones.
07:41Dang.
07:43She ain't lying.
07:45America, Tamron Johnson, the right Reverend Johnson daughter, gave me my first pizza.
07:51Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
07:54See, I don't want my control of ways to drive Jordan into sinful behavior,
07:58but I don't want to stop controlling him either.
08:00So the trick is, how do I control him without him knowing?
08:04This is what I call a predicament.
08:07See, I got to let him, you know, I let him go a little bit and let him go.
08:11I'm going back and I pull him back up with him.
08:16I'm clever.
08:18My own party?
08:19That's right.
08:20Let me tell you something.
08:21When I was your age, man, I invited all my pals from church.
08:24We'd sit around listening to music and play games and eat cake.
08:27It was a good old homesome fun boy.
08:30But you wouldn't even let me go to David's party.
08:32Oh, David's a little bit too old for you.
08:34You have a party of your own with kids your own age.
08:36Unless you don't want it.
08:37No, no, I want it.
08:38Thanks, Uncle Bernie.
08:39I'm going to go make an invite now.
08:42Come on, put some clothes on.
08:44Oh.
08:45Yes, sir, I'm having a party.
08:47Get out of here.
08:48You make it free.
08:50Dang.
08:53Help, help.
08:54Gee.
08:56Hey, Bernie.
08:58Let me get one of those for you.
09:00Thank you, uh, Cheryl.
09:01Oh, by the way, I rented Poodie Tang.
09:04You were right.
09:05It's not you.
09:08What the hell she did?
09:10Okay, I told Cheryl about Jordan's party,
09:13and, honey, she was kind enough to come over and help.
09:15Be nice.
09:21Wait a minute.
09:24And Bernie lost Tim Collins on the all-meat diet.
09:27Oh.
09:28I need to see your calling.
09:29Don't worry about it.
09:30You never will.
09:32Uh, honey, are we using that pinata again?
09:34Sure is.
09:36I'm recycling.
09:36Wait, don't you think that's a little young for these kids?
09:38Yep.
09:39Excuse me.
09:40All right, you squares.
09:41Come on, let's gather around.
09:42Hurry up.
09:42Come on, everybody in here.
09:43Just hold on on his feet.
09:45Come on, come on now.
09:46Let's put on some B2K.
09:47Yeah, let's get our groove on.
09:49Hold on.
09:50Ain't nobody getting no groove on,
09:51and B2K ain't got nothing on this pinata.
10:08And how many...
10:09Wah-wah!
10:09I'm probably going to...
10:10Hilarious, Bernie.
10:11Want some more ice?
10:13Oh, thanks.
10:14This is Bernie's friend, WB.
10:16WB, meet my friend Cheryl.
10:18Thanks.
10:19Oh, yeah.
10:20Pilates.
10:22Heard about you.
10:29Woo!
10:30Oh, you just missed it.
10:31We having a ball up in here, aren't we?
10:34Uncle Bernie, I don't think anybody's really having a good time.
10:37Because no one broke their ass.
10:38Won't you break that ass and that candy spill out?
10:40Like a new holiday up in here.
10:42Lower.
10:42Lower.
10:43Ooh.
10:44You're higher.
10:45Higher.
10:45Higher.
10:46Lower.
10:46Lower.
10:47David's party was better.
10:49Go!
10:54Look, I'm just saying, the Getty Museum is inaccessible.
10:57You've got to find parking, take that tram.
10:59Are you kidding me?
11:00Where else can you see the Bruegels?
11:02Not to mention Van Gogh's irises.
11:04Oh, oh, they got jacked on the irises.
11:06I mean, 78 mil for that?
11:09Oh, and it's still inaccessible.
11:11Look, you want the Dutch masters, you've got to check out the LACM8.
11:14So you roll in, pick them Rubens, and you're out.
11:17You ain't never lie.
11:28Hey, what's everyone doing in here?
11:30We're playing a game we learned at David's party.
11:34Cool.
11:36Okay, I'm going to spin it.
11:39You've got to do this.
11:45You've got to do this.
11:50Hey, man, I remember these parties, man.
11:52I remember the games you used to play, too.
11:53Spin the bottle, truth to death, dentist.
11:56You mean doctor?
11:58No, dentist.
11:59You mean that, this fine little Asian hygienist.
12:01Ming Lee, oh, sixth grade, easily passed for seventh.
12:06Okay.
12:07Ain't nothing like that happening up in here.
12:09This ain't one of your little bottle-spilling orgies.
12:12This party is rated G, and the Mac man got it cold under control.
12:17Oh, Liz, am I right, baby?
12:21Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty.
12:27A new record!
12:29Twenty seconds!
12:30Yeah!
12:30Yeah, let's see how long you last.
12:38Jennifer!
12:40How fun!
12:43Ooh!
12:50One, two, three...
12:53This is getting out of hand.
12:54Four...
12:55I ain't playing.
12:56I don't care.
12:56Five...
12:56I don't have to.
12:57Shh!
12:59Six...
13:01Seven...
13:01Four!
13:02That's it!
13:03That's it!
13:03That's it!
13:04Okay, you guys, don't even ask!
13:05What was that about?
13:06Don't ask!
13:09It's your turn, Chrissy.
13:11It's your turn, Chrissy.
13:12It's your turn, Chrissy.
13:14It's your turn, Chrissy.
13:17Ooh!
13:20Have fun, Chrissy.
13:23Jordan's gonna kiss Chrissy.
13:25Oh, Jordan, he's gonna break the record.
13:28Ooh!
13:29Ooh!
13:32Ooh!
13:40Ooh!
13:43Oh, my God.
13:45Jordan, can you?
13:47Jordan!
13:48Jordan!
13:49Jordan!
13:49I didn't bath out.
13:51What are you doing in my jacket?
13:53I can't get it off.
13:56I won't tell if you won't tell.
13:58Deal.
13:58Deal.
14:06Thanks.
14:07And so, your plan is to, what, govern every action the boy takes for the next seven years?
14:12Well, I'm gonna tell you...
14:12Uncle Branny!
14:13Jordan's in our room playing games with his friends and he won't let me in!
14:17In this room?
14:17Hold on.
14:18Excuse me.
14:22No one's lasting more than 30 seconds.
14:24I'm telling you.
14:24Something awful's happened.
14:25I'm going in.
14:34I'm definitely not playing.
14:35It's up to me and I say no.
14:37Oh, my gosh!
14:39Jeez!
14:40Unbelievable!
14:43Hey!
14:44What y'all doing here?
14:46The party in the next room.
14:48Come on, we're about to have cake.
14:49I got a cookie puss.
14:51Come on, let's go!
14:53Pop, go the weasel to the weasel, go pop!
15:09I don't mean to toot my own horn, America, but Bernie Max, genius!
15:14Boy, the party was a rousing success.
15:17Just seen the smile on that boy's face when I put him to bed.
15:20Granted from ear to ear like a happy idiot.
15:22And on top of it, I still haven't had to talk.
15:26No.
15:26I ain't had to talk with him yet.
15:28And I don't think I never will.
15:29Let his wife explain it to him.
15:31And I'll get away with that, too.
15:33You know why?
15:33America?
15:35I'm a genius.
15:38I told y'all I didn't have to talk.
15:42I told y'all I didn't have to talk.
15:45I told y'all I didn't have to talk.
15:49I told y'all I didn't have to talk.
15:54Hey, Jordan.
15:55Everyone's talking about you and Chrissy.
15:57They are?
15:58What about?
15:59How about how you guys got busy in the closet?
16:01Listen, she's best friends with Amanda Warren.
16:04Put in a good word,
16:05and maybe we can all go to the mall on Saturday.
16:08Hey, Jordan.
16:09Great party.
16:10Hey, have you guys seen Chrissy?
16:12You mean your girlfriend?
16:14She went home.
16:15She threw up on the bus all over Adam Mazur's leg.
16:18It was pretty nasty.
16:20Did you say anything about the closet?
16:23Excuse us.
16:24We got busy to discuss.
16:25I ought to get a take on more money.
16:27Don't have me.
16:27Forget that.
16:28Remember has it you got down with Chrissy Borsett.
16:31How far did you get?
16:32I'm not really sure.
16:33I think it was just a kiss.
16:35You're not sure?
16:37Well, I was gonna ask her this morning,
16:39but she threw up on the bus.
16:41Sounds like morning sickness, dude.
16:43Dude, you got her pregnant.
16:45No, I didn't.
16:46She's got morning sickness, right?
16:49That's what Annie said.
16:51So she must be pregnant.
16:54Oh.
16:55Oh, Bernie's gonna kill me.
17:00I don't know how such new kids make so much garbage.
17:03It was 22 of them.
17:05Is that all you said?
17:10Sorry.
17:12We got so caught up.
17:14We forgot to ring the doorbell.
17:17Well, when did this happen?
17:20This morning at the Getty Center.
17:22But you hate the Getty Center.
17:23She invited me, dog.
17:25Well, I was gonna prove once and for all
17:27that the Getty is better than the lockmine.
17:28Look, I'm still an LACMA man.
17:31Hey, but the trams weren't as bad as I remembered, man.
17:34You know, one thing led to another.
17:37Now we can double date.
17:41Anyway, I just, we just, you know,
17:42wanted to stop by and tell you the good news.
17:45Yeah, that is good news.
17:46Hey, hey.
17:47We should find a weekend, man.
17:48Shera has a condo up in Mammoth.
17:51Hmm?
17:52Mm-hmm.
17:53Oh, it'll be so much fun.
17:57Uh, could you take these to the curb?
18:08Hi, Miss Borsick, is Chrissy here?
18:10Oh, I'm sorry, Jordan, but she's sleeping.
18:12She's got quite a bug.
18:14Has she been throwing up in the morning?
18:17Oh, my goodness, yes.
18:19She's a regular volcano, that one.
18:22Then you have to let me in.
18:25Jordan, I told you, she's sleeping.
18:27I'm sorry, Miss Borsick, but I have to be with her now.
18:30That's my baby she's carrying.
18:32But don't worry, though.
18:33Michael Bird is very rich and we have plenty of room.
18:38Baby?
18:40No, I ain't lying.
18:42I should let Jordan walk around here thinking he got that girl pregnant.
18:46Ugh, that sounds crazy.
18:47It might be crazy.
18:48Baby, he's ungrateful.
18:49I'm throwing him a party, and what are you doing?
18:52He and the closet playing nasty games.
18:54Well, you know, the closet is not the issue.
18:56Well...
18:56Okay.
18:57He's walking around here terrified, and it's kinda your fault.
19:00Well, how's it my fault?
19:01For not wanting to give him the talk.
19:07How's it my fault?
19:08How in the hell is it my fault?
19:10Because you didn't listen to me.
19:11Oh.
19:12Don't you think I know what I'm talking about by now?
19:14Heck, I know you know what you're talking about.
19:16But I don't want that for the boy.
19:18Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?
19:19I know he's gonna become a man.
19:22But now he's becoming a man.
19:24I want him to stay a little boy.
19:26Uh-huh.
19:27But he's not Peter Pan, Bernie.
19:30Little boys do grow up to be men.
19:32Now I think you need to sit him down and have the talk.
19:37Guess I got no choice.
19:40Good.
19:41And when you're done, you'll find me in the grotto.
19:49Yeah, okay.
19:52America.
19:55Okay.
19:56But she is pregnant.
19:57She is not, man.
19:58I guarantee she's not.
19:59But how do you know?
20:00Because I'm gonna explain it to you.
20:02I'm gonna tell you like a T.I.S.
20:04Like what T.I.S?
20:05Sex, boy.
20:06Sex.
20:06You're gonna tell me about sex?
20:08What the heck you think I'm talking about, Jordan?
20:11Are you sure you really want to know?
20:12Because once I start, ain't no turning back.
20:14I want to know everything.
20:17All right.
20:18Here we go.
20:19So you got this man, you got this woman.
20:24You do that?
20:26With Aunt Wanda?
20:27Ew!
20:29Well, it's not that bad, really.
20:31Nasty.
20:32I'm gonna go throw up.
20:34I'm never gonna do that.
20:40You see that?
20:41America.
20:42I guess I have less to worry about than I thought.
20:45Jordan's still a little boy after all.
20:47And I'm gonna enjoy it for as long as I can.
20:50Because the attitude in there, it ain't gonna last.
20:53It never does.
20:54See, time goes so fast.
20:56And before you know it, I'll be having that conversation with baby girl.
21:06I feel good about myself now, baby.
21:09Matter of fact.
21:10I'll take that drink.
21:12Yeah, come on.
21:13Thank you, baby.
21:15Right on Tweety.
21:17You know.
21:18What you looking at, Hela?
21:20I'm a grown man.
21:22Tweety-Dee, Tweety-Dum.
21:24Cut off the lights and come get you some.
21:27And listen, cut off the lights, American.
21:29You don't need to know everything.
21:30Cut off the lights.
21:33Cut off the lights and come get you some new things.
21:36You don't need to see a Picifit.
21:38Cut off the lights and come get you some new things like a Permane.
21:39Cut off the lights
21:39No date anymore.
21:40I forget to just reuse the pacifier logo.
21:40All this in thehistoire.
21:42That's him.
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