The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:00Who are you with?
00:18For dessert, I'm going to make you some homemade chocolate pudding, all right?
00:21I don't like skin on top.
00:23I know I'm going to pull the skin off for you, okay?
00:25Don't worry about it.
00:26Hey, good morning, Mr. Alhorn.
00:28How are you doing?
00:28Oh, fine.
00:30Uh, I guess you didn't get my message.
00:33No, I didn't.
00:34What's this problem?
00:34We need Brianna's immunization records after last night's board meeting.
00:38No student can attend school without them.
00:40I'm really sorry.
00:41But I did leave you a message.
00:43No problem.
00:43We're probably back at home somewhere.
00:45Baby girl, you go on to class.
00:46Uncle Bernie's going to run home and get your record for you, okay?
00:48Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:50My hands are tied here.
00:52What's she trying to say, Mr. Alhorn?
00:53She can't go to school?
00:54Oh, we don't like to use the word can't, but yes.
00:56That's some bull.
00:57I got to go all the way home and look for some record in the drawer.
00:59Come on, baby girl.
01:00It's a bull.
01:01What do they think?
01:03Baby girl got SARS or Ebola?
01:05There's nothing wrong with that girl.
01:07Her flesh is intact.
01:08They just want to mess up my day.
01:11Only got four hours apiece as it is.
01:19Wow.
01:20Ow!
01:23Ow!
01:25Ow, Vanessa!
01:26Ow!
01:27Ow, Vanessa!
01:29Ow!
01:29What's going on in there?
01:31Ow!
01:31Stay!
01:32I can't breathe!
01:33You're not hurt.
01:34Not like you're gonna be.
01:36Vanessa, stop strangling your brother.
01:39Hey, don't push your brother.
01:41Come on.
01:42I'm okay.
01:44Oh, dang it.
01:46Come on, now.
01:47You're older than him and you're bigger than him.
01:49Choking him and pushing him is not gonna solve anything.
01:52Wanna bet?
01:54I'm gonna just go kick him a little bit.
01:56Oh, I don't think so.
01:57Softly.
01:58No.
01:58Just one time.
01:59Take it down.
02:00Have a seat.
02:03Okay, so did you, like, hear your niece and your nephew upstairs trying to kill each other?
02:06Trying.
02:07Please tell one of them to succeed.
02:09No, I got there in time to referee.
02:12Sure, I thought you had some good news, baby, because I can show you some.
02:14I can't find baby girl mother for reference.
02:17Damn.
02:19Thought you said you were gonna clear up some of this mess, honey.
02:21Why are you holding on to your pants so hard for, Wanda?
02:25Gee, look at this.
02:27Disco boot.
02:31Yeah, excuse me.
02:32Those are your boots.
02:33Really?
02:35Yeah.
02:37Earth, wind and fire phase.
02:39Yeah.
02:41Yeah.
02:49Uncle Bernie, can I go back to school tomorrow?
02:52Baby, I'm waiting on your medical records to come back from Chicago.
02:56So when can I go back to school?
02:57Hey, girl, I just don't know right now.
02:59I just don't know.
03:02Hey, I'm gonna rip your lungs out.
03:05It was an accident.
03:06All right, calm down.
03:08Calm down.
03:08What happened?
03:09He spilled sauce on me on purpose.
03:11Sorry.
03:12See, he apologized.
03:13Now, everybody, let's just eat.
03:20He's gonna stab me!
03:21What?
03:24I just dropped my fork.
03:31She was gonna stab him.
03:33I saw it in her eyes.
03:34Hey, baby kids, they were fighting.
03:35That's what they do.
03:36They fight.
03:36I never had that level of hostility with my brothers.
03:39Well, baby, where they're from, that's how they fight.
03:41You and your brother from some other stuff.
03:43That stuff.
03:44They're looking up on the internet, talking out stuff.
03:47Sweetheart, they're getting too wild for you.
03:49Get one of my belts.
03:50Just fight fire with fire.
03:51Actually, honey, you fight fire with water.
03:54Okay.
03:55Well, while you're doing your thing,
03:56look up something for me and baby girl to do tomorrow, okay?
03:58Why don't you just beat her?
04:01Are you at your fax machine, Mr. Mack?
04:03Hey, I'm right here at the fax machine.
04:04Hold on, baby.
04:06Coming through.
04:07Yes, uh, hold on.
04:09No, it's not.
04:09No, it's not.
04:10I can't see the date.
04:11It's not all the way through.
04:12The date's at the top, sir.
04:13Well, can you overnight it to me?
04:15We can't do both.
04:16What do you mean you can't do both?
04:17There's no reason to be rude with me.
04:19Well, how about if I fax it back to you?
04:21That's not going to work, sir.
04:23Maybe I'll speak to your supervisor.
04:24I am your supervisor.
04:25Oh, is that right?
04:26Yes, it is.
04:28Yeah, well, congratulations.
04:30Yeah, yeah.
04:31Well, come on, look here, sister.
04:33Hello, hello, hello.
04:34Hello.
04:36Hello.
04:37Can I go to school now?
04:39It's tofu day.
04:42Who ever heard of a kid begging for a school day?
04:45When I was baby girl, I used to pray for a snow day.
04:48Used to put a thermometer up to a light,
04:50so Big Mama thought I was burning up.
04:52But baby girl's not like me.
04:54So I'll get her schoolwork and watch her little mind grow.
04:58I remember the time I wanted to be sick
05:00and Big Mama put a thermometer in the crack, you know.
05:03Ever since then, I don't like nothing in my ass.
05:10Hmm.
05:16Now, I told you no fighting up in here, Nessa.
05:19I'm not fighting.
05:20I'm hiding.
05:22Brianna's it.
05:22Why are you playing?
05:23I thought I told you to help her with her homework, Nessa.
05:26This is her homework?
05:27What?
05:35I don't care if it's the best school in the doggone world.
05:38I'm paying big bucks so baby girl can go play hide and seek
05:41and talk about rainbow.
05:43Look at this boy.
05:44I'm so glad she needs shots.
05:46It opened my eyes, America.
05:48This is high-stake con game, and I'm not going to be mom.
05:51You know why?
05:52Because I'm the Mac.
05:54Thank you for bringing Brianna's records, Mr. Mac.
05:56And although I concede that taken out of context,
05:59the lesson plan might sound a little odd.
06:01I didn't seek, Miss Alhorn.
06:03It's an exercise in deductive reasoning.
06:05I have to see that.
06:06Well, actually, we welcome your participation.
06:10Next week's parent helper...
06:11Flamia.
06:14I know what you're saying, America.
06:16Bernie Mac, how come you didn't go off on her
06:18for that old nonsense?
06:20Because Bernie Mac is a fair man.
06:22I'm going to give him a chance to show me their way.
06:25Maybe I'll learn something.
06:26But I don't think so.
06:28I really don't think so.
06:35Okay, everyone.
06:37I would like to introduce you to our new parent helper.
06:40So say hello to Brianna's uncle, Bernie.
06:45Hi, Bernie.
06:47Whoa, whoa, whoa.
06:48It's Mr. Mac.
06:50Oh, no.
06:51Oh, um, we only use first names here.
06:55It's Les High or Arkel.
06:57That's crazy.
06:58Oh, hey, uh, you know, we shouldn't be judgmental.
07:02Bernie rhymes with turkey.
07:04No, it doesn't.
07:06It's Mr. Mac.
07:07And Mac rhymes with smack, like upside your head.
07:11Oh, he's a...
07:12Oh, he's a...
07:13Bernie.
07:14Bernie, please.
07:15We never tell the kids that they're wrong.
07:18That's the problem.
07:21Okay, um, now, class, it is time to begin today's lesson.
07:26And, Mandy, I believe it's your turn to decide what we do today.
07:30She's cute.
07:31Yeah.
07:31Go ahead, Mandy.
07:32How about sandbox?
07:34No.
07:34No swings.
07:36Yeah!
07:38All right.
07:39Very well.
07:40Off you go.
07:42Have fun.
07:43No, no, no, no.
07:43Good work, Brianna.
07:45Good work, sweetheart.
07:46Good work.
07:47Have fun.
07:48Where are they going?
07:49Yeah.
07:49You let them go out because they say they want to go out?
07:52Mm-hmm.
07:53What happened to math and spelling and science, stuff they hate?
07:55No, no, no.
07:56See, we feel that by allowing the children to make their own choices, it enhances their self-esteem.
08:02Who told you that?
08:04The children?
08:05No.
08:05You know, you'll see, Bernie.
08:07You know, it's quite enriching.
08:09That's some booze.
08:12Brianna's happy there.
08:14Of course she's happy there.
08:14They don't do no doggone work.
08:16Why don't they give a kid a gold stuff only peeing in his pants once?
08:19Very good, David.
08:21Calling grown folks by their first name, playing all day.
08:24This got to stop.
08:25Well, honey, their system is more developmental than academic, okay?
08:29And you are there to help, hence the term parent helper.
08:33Parent helper?
08:34Let me tell you something, woman.
08:34Only parent helper I had was Big Mama's black belt, and that was like a father to me.
08:38Okay, well, guess what?
08:40Big Mama's black belt is not the answer to every situation, okay?
08:45Maybe not, but it's one hell of an attention getter.
08:48And kids need somebody who ain't just gonna let them do what they feel like doing.
08:53They're living in a dreamland, America, and I'm gonna wake them up.
08:56When the school realizes I'm right, they can thank me later.
09:00Get out of my room!
09:01Like I said, America, I'm gonna teach them a lesson right now.
09:11I think y'all my room are not in your room, I'm in Brianna's room.
09:15And now, Vanessa, don't you think you're splitting hairs here?
09:17This room belongs to both Brianna and Jordan.
09:21Stop it, stop it.
09:22Now, you keep it up.
09:23I'll cluck your hair together like most.
09:25Oh, honey, now, I'm trying to teach them that violence is not the answer.
09:29Well, if it's up to me, I'll use a parent helper.
09:31Now, cut it out!
09:34You want to talk about...
09:35Oh, hey!
09:37Still standing!
09:40You all know better than that.
09:41Next time I say, I'm gonna pat you.
09:42Now, go on, get out of here.
09:46Can you open this for me, Bernie?
09:51Sure I can.
09:53And it's Mr. Mack to you.
09:55You might as well get used to it, because that's the way it is in the real world.
09:58If you go for a job, you wouldn't call your boss Clyde.
10:01If you get pulled over all the DUI, you wouldn't say,
10:04Hey, Clyde or Bobby Joe to the judge.
10:06Unless you want to lose your driver privileges.
10:08And I know you don't want to lose your driver privileges, now do you?
10:11No, Mr. Mack.
10:12There you go.
10:12Now you're talking.
10:13Now here, take a swig.
10:15That's a good one.
10:16Yeah.
10:17Here, enjoy your juice.
10:20Oh, one more thing.
10:21When you get done, I want you to use the bathroom.
10:24No more getting no stars for that, okay?
10:26Your man, act like it.
10:29Go on, get out of here.
10:32Hey, baby girl, what's wrong with you?
10:34Why you not playing?
10:35Timmy won't let me use a swing.
10:37Oh, yes he will.
10:39Hey, Timmy, you've been on that swing an awful long time.
10:42Why don't you get somebody else a turn?
10:43I don't have to get off if I don't want to, Bernie.
10:47Well, get your butt off that swing right now.
10:49Oh, dear, uh, remember, we don't use command sentences at Wellington.
10:54We reason with children.
10:56You're kidding, right?
10:59Reason, huh?
11:01I think I got it.
11:05Hey, Timmy, you ever wonder why you got two ears and one mouth?
11:08Mm-mm.
11:09Because you should listen twice as much as you talk.
11:12But?
11:12I still got a lot more listening.
11:15Get your butt off this way.
11:20You see how that work, America?
11:22All you people out there who want little children, get involved.
11:25All these kids need is a little structure and a little discipline.
11:29Oh, you can make a difference.
11:31Oh, yes, sir, you can.
11:34Good morning, everybody.
11:36Hey, what's happening?
11:38Ruth?
11:39Mrs. A?
11:40Bernie.
11:42We need to talk.
11:43Don't go any further.
11:44I knew it was coming.
11:45The way he hogged the swing and was sassy.
11:47Actually, it's about you.
11:51You need to go.
11:53What?
11:54Me?
11:56What'd I do?
11:57My students have started calling me Mr. Matthews.
12:00That's your name, isn't it?
12:01My name is Chip.
12:03Do you realize how long it took to get them to see me as Chip?
12:05I had to earn that.
12:07Bernie, I'm sorry.
12:09You just have no regard for the Wellington way.
12:12Well, listen, I don't mean to step on your self-esteem,
12:14but your Wellington way is a bunch of bull.
12:16You all supposed to be getting baby girl prepared for the real world.
12:19From what we've observed, Bernie, we're the best hope that child has.
12:23Is that right?
12:24Well, from what I observed, Chip,
12:26I'm taking baby girl out this loony bin.
12:29Right now.
12:31Oh, and by the way,
12:33they call me Mr. Mac.
12:38I'm an explosion.
12:48Hi, honey.
12:49Hey, baby.
12:50This should get the edge off, huh?
12:52So, how did things go today?
12:53Everything went good today.
12:54I took her right now.
12:56You took her out of what?
12:58I took her out of school all I wanted to.
13:00Without talking to me?
13:02You didn't talk to me when you ordered Chinese food last night.
13:05Did I complain about the spicy shrimp?
13:06No.
13:06For about an hour.
13:08Who takes a child out of school in the middle of the school year?
13:11I can't believe you.
13:12Baby girl need to focus on something like math and spelling, sweetheart,
13:15instead of playing tag and tiddly wings.
13:17Now, I know I should have consulted with you, Wanda,
13:19but I feel strongly about this.
13:21Look, you got the kids cooperating.
13:23Why not us?
13:25Come on, baby.
13:28Fine.
13:29Come here.
13:31Put some suds in here and do it right, okay?
13:34It's my...
13:41Now, I know my baby Wanda's upset that I pulled a baby girl out of Wellington,
13:45but what's going on over there, sure ain't learning.
13:48The Wellington way is more like the United way,
13:50turning these kids into a charity case.
13:52Well, I say no way.
13:54If Bernie Mac gonna pay the same baby girl to school,
13:57then she's going to school.
13:58A real school.
14:00And that's for real.
14:06Another Mac.
14:09And I'm sure the girl could benefit from an earlier exposure to Jesus than the boy.
14:14Oh, Father, thank you.
14:15I mean, I know the girl can use a little structure.
14:18We'll be here first thing in the morning.
14:23Mr. Mac, you know we do have a screening process.
14:26Father, you say you had a policy for siblings.
14:29In most cases, yes.
14:31In Jordan's case, three nuns quit on account of Jordan.
14:36I can't keep losing my clergy.
14:40Do they share the same seed?
14:44How falls her sin cup?
14:47Does she speak the language of the devil?
14:54Bring her in to her tomorrow and I'll have a look at her.
14:58I'll splash some holly water on her.
15:00See if it sizzles.
15:02Well, man, this is one prestigious wall you got here, partner.
15:08You got to have a long waiting list.
15:11Actually, your niece sounds like a wonderful young lady.
15:15If you would like, she can start this week.
15:17You kidding?
15:18This week, huh?
15:19Yes.
15:19Candidates with your qualifications.
15:21The board gives me a little bit of a leeway there.
15:23All you have to do is become one of our diamond donors.
15:27Donors?
15:28Yeah.
15:29It's a win-win situation.
15:30Your diamond-level support of our new Braylon Aquatic Center ensures your nephew's acceptance.
15:37You mean my niece.
15:39Whatever.
15:44Uh, we would be honored to have your niece join us here at CUNY Elementary.
15:49I think that's great, because this school reminds me of my whole elementary school.
15:52Yes, officer, I can confirm that Johnny was playing dodgeball between the hours of 2 and 4.
15:58Um, did I mention that 55% of our students are reading at grade level?
16:02No, you didn't.
16:04Well, let me ask you a question.
16:05What about the other 45%?
16:07I did not see a gun.
16:10Yes, I will testify.
16:13I'm going to need a sub tomorrow.
16:26Wellington is still holding our spot.
16:28Why don't we just put her back?
16:30Before I do that, I teach it myself.
16:34And how long are you going to do that?
16:36Until we find another school.
16:38Simple as that.
16:39Until we find another school.
16:51Good.
16:56Ding, ding, baby girl.
16:57Ding, ding.
16:58School bell's ringing.
16:59Okay, come on now.
17:01Oh, crayons.
17:02No, no, no, no, no.
17:03Not right now.
17:04Today we're going to start with math.
17:06How come?
17:07Because in the real world, when stuff costs money, sweetheart, you want to know how to count.
17:11Trust me.
17:12Let's go outside.
17:13No, no, it's better we start inside.
17:16You like your new chalkboard?
17:17Oh, let's do that.
17:19Let's do this.
17:20Let's pretend that it's crayon money, okay?
17:22Okay? Let's say that we both have one, two, three, four dollars.
17:29And if I give you one of mine, sweetheart, how much would we have?
17:33Say please.
17:35What?
17:36Please.
17:41Nuh-uh! Nuh-uh! Get out!
17:44Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out!
17:47Get out! Get out!
17:51Honey, those two are going to be the death of me.
17:54At least they know how to use command sentences.
17:57Well, you know, maybe you might want to make tomorrow's lesson plan a little more interesting.
18:05Baby, I was hoping tomorrow would be your day to teach.
18:08No.
18:10Juana.
18:11Love you, honey.
18:18Who am I fooling?
18:20I'm nobody's teacher.
18:22I'm a comedian, man.
18:24But the joke going to be on baby girl if I don't get her back in school.
18:27But not Willerton.
18:28Hell no.
18:29They didn't teach her not one thing to prepare for the real world.
18:32Not one thing.
18:33I am going to kill you.
18:36Excuse me, America.
18:37Excuse me.
18:38Not one thing, I tell you.
18:40Donny!
18:41Clean it up.
18:42You clean it up.
18:43You're the one who threw it on the board.
18:44What's going on here?
18:45He dumps garbage all over my floor and won't clean it up.
18:48Why should I?
18:49It's not my roof.
18:51Ooh, hey, hey, where you going?
19:04I'm going to get out there.
19:06Don't use one of your skinny ones.
19:07Get one of my gators.
19:08They got a hell of a bite.
19:10You're welcome.
19:12What?
19:12You want to use patience puppets?
19:14You be the man.
19:16And I suppose I'm supposed to be the ear.
19:22Patience puppets.
19:23Why did she even get this stuff?
19:27I'm so sorry.
19:28I'm so sorry.
19:29I'm so sorry.
19:30I'm so sorry.
19:31I'm so sorry.
19:31Can you hear me?
19:32Can you hear me?
19:33A little louder.
19:35Can you hear me?
19:36Loud.
19:37I'm so sorry.
19:39You see that, America?
19:41That ain't the old school way.
19:43See, in the old days when people got into an argument, we went out to the porch.
19:46But baby girl, she walked right in the middle of it.
19:50Put herself in harm's way.
19:52Try to solve other people's problems.
19:54Like a little Martin Luther King.
19:56Crazy.
19:56But she didn't learn that from me.
19:59Maybe there is something to the world to work.
20:01Maybe there is.
20:03I'll have to read it out.
20:04What?
20:05What?
20:06Where are they?
20:07Baby, it's over.
20:08I tell you, that's what they do.
20:09They're kids.
20:10They fight.
20:11Not in the kitchen getting a snack.
20:12Wow.
20:14I'm going to go to the kitchen.
20:15They so much as look at me, the gator's going to bite.
20:24Next.
20:31Brianna!
20:32We missed you.
20:33Welcome back.
20:34Go on there, baby.
20:35I'm so glad you changed your mind, Mr. Mack.
20:39Well, I'll admit it.
20:41Can't say I understand everything that's going on here, but I can't say baby girl isn't getting
20:45something out of it.
20:48You're welcome, Miss Alhorn.
20:54You know, America, Bernie Mac is old school and proud of it.
20:59But things are different now.
21:01And maybe my way isn't for everybody.
21:04I am getting the belt.
21:08But sometimes, it's just what you need.
21:11Oh, this is going to be good.
21:13This is going to be real good.
21:20I don't care if it's the best school in the doggone world.
21:23I'm paying big bucks so baby girl can go play hide and seek and talk about rainbows.
21:27Look at this bull.
21:28I'm, I'm, I'm, you know.
21:30Give it back to me, boss.
21:33Girl, I just don't know right now.
21:36Hey, I'm going to rip your lungs out.
21:39It was an accident.
21:41Calm down.
21:42What happened to you?
21:45You get your name?
21:46Yeah.
21:49Okay.
21:49You all right?
21:50We can.
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