The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:01Who you with?
00:17Hand me one, man.
00:18There you go.
00:19Damn, it's cold out here, man.
00:21I know, man.
00:22The boy Haslam is acting up, man.
00:24Wanda won't let me smoke in the house no more.
00:26That's what happens when you have kids, man.
00:28They can't do anything in my house.
00:29That's why I come over here.
00:31Shoot, man.
00:31It's just like it ain't my house no more.
00:33Wanda make me give up all my stuff that ain't child-friendly.
00:36And you know, doggone well, anything worth having ain't child-friendly.
00:40I used to have a knife like that.
00:42Well, this is your knife, dog.
00:44You gave it to me, remember?
00:46Yeah, yeah.
00:47Man, you get all of Bernie's good stuff, man.
00:50Hey, man, there ain't nothing good about giving away your stuff, man.
00:53Bernie Mac know he can entrust me with his knives and pellet guns and whatnot.
00:57Well, I can't wait till he back up one of them kids with the Escalade.
01:01My car's a beat-up, boy.
01:06Yo, Mac.
01:07And them cell phones cause brain cancer, you know, in case you want to give that up.
01:10Man, shut up.
01:11Man, that's a faulty hypothesis.
01:13Just coming around the back.
01:14We're all sitting out here in the back.
01:17Okay.
01:19All right.
01:20Jerry got a surprise for me.
01:24Hey, Uncle Bernie, guess what?
01:26I'm joining the debate team.
01:28That's great.
01:28That's real good, good.
01:30Bernie!
01:36Hi, can you dig it?
01:37One question.
01:38Can you dig this?
01:40It's off the hizzle, right?
01:41Oh, for shizzle.
01:43What does that mean?
01:44Oh, this is sweet, man.
01:45I didn't know you drove a motorcycle.
01:47You like it?
01:48Yeah.
01:49This is nice.
01:51Real nice.
01:52Yeah, well, B, it's yours.
01:54What, you gonna give me a motorcycle?
01:56Well, I would give you the hair off my back if you wanted to.
01:59But it's a gift from the studio because the Drew B movie did over $100 million.
02:02And that is just domestic.
02:04Okay?
02:05Overseas, it'll double that.
02:06So, I guess Drew B really tickles those Germans pink.
02:09Good one.
02:10Wow, man.
02:11I have to admit, this is tight.
02:14Dang.
02:16I know I can't keep it.
02:19But, man, sure is nice to think about being free.
02:22I mean, driving down the road all fast and cool.
02:25Open highway doing what I want to do.
02:27Far away from all the kids.
02:36Monsters.
02:39This is nice.
02:42Real nice.
02:45Wow.
02:46I've never seen a naked lady before.
02:49Since you guys are my friends, I'll give you a special price.
02:5150 cents for the pictures, $2 for the center for one.
02:54Oh, let me see it.
02:56Right, it's moving.
03:00Get up, boy, and hand me that degradation.
03:09I pity her, poor weeping mother.
03:13That tractor's gonna need a good scrubbing.
03:15They're not mine.
03:17Is that right?
03:19Who's are they, then?
03:21Huh?
03:22Spit it out!
03:23I don't need to tell you how inappropriate this is.
03:28But let me try.
03:31The fact that Jordan brought this smut into these hallowed halls is an abomination.
03:39Ooh.
03:40Oh.
03:42Uh, Father, please believe me that we would have never allowed Jordan to see anything like
03:51this.
03:52Isn't that right, Bernie?
03:57Father, I had this in my footlocker.
03:59I had it under lock and key, I tell you.
04:00Lock and key.
04:01You're an adult, Mr. Mack.
04:05What happens to you in the afterlife is your responsibility.
04:12But it appears the boy's on a rich path to sin.
04:18Maybe you should consider another school for him.
04:21Oh, man, stop being so drastic.
04:23I told you I can handle it.
04:25I can handle it.
04:27Damn.
04:30I don't believe you, Wanda.
04:32What you threw him away?
04:33I told you I was gonna handle it.
04:34Well, I helped you.
04:36Besides, the only way to keep them away from Jordan is to get them out of the house.
04:41Baby, you're messing with some history here.
04:42I'm telling you, remember Azizi Jahari?
04:44That was Sammy Davis Jr. girl.
04:46What about Renee Tennyson?
04:48The first black playman of the year.
04:50She broke down barriers, like Jackie Robinson.
04:54Three years ago, before the kids got here, my house was an adult paradise.
05:00Look around this room.
05:01It's all the stuff I used to have.
05:04And one by one, it's been taken away from me.
05:07My drill press, authentic African spears, pipes, blowtorch, fighting pit bull.
05:16You don't see him because he's been gone.
05:19Nunchuck, dartboard, table saw, and all my stuff.
05:24What's next, America?
05:26Me?
05:27Oh, Lord?
05:34Take your pick.
05:35Heartland Help, New Horizons.
05:36What is this?
05:37Charities, and they all accept motorcycle donations.
05:40Pick one.
05:41Oh, baby, come on.
05:42All right, honey, don't worry.
05:43You'll still get your tax deduction.
05:45How they gonna take a deduction from nothing?
05:47Because I ain't got nothing left, America, and I'm tired of it.
05:50And you know what?
05:51This is where I draw the line.
05:53Well, sweetheart, I'm sorry.
05:55My charity ain't on here.
05:56Matter of fact, I'm gonna donate to my favorite charity, me and myself and I.
06:00Better yet, I'm gonna take me, myself, and I out for a ride right now.
06:17Hey, hey, hey, hey.
06:19Yeah, you smell that, America?
06:21America, that's burnt rubber and testosterone.
06:25Nothing more intoxicated except the open road, long, straightaway, heels and balance.
06:30Sweet curves, oh, yeah.
06:32The road's a lady, so you're best dressed right.
06:35So excuse me, America.
06:37I'm getting ready to take off into the sunset in my mind.
06:44Sweetheart, I don't know what you tripping about.
06:47You like the kids go riding.
06:48It's not about the kids.
06:49It's about you.
06:50I'm afraid.
06:52Afraid of what?
06:53Look at your outfit.
06:54Look kind of nice, huh?
06:55Uncle Bernie, Wanda says you're having a midlife crisis.
06:59Well, get in your room.
07:04Could you just be still for one second?
07:08What if something happens to you?
07:10Ain't nothing gonna happen.
07:11The kids need you.
07:13They got me.
07:14Well, then I need you.
07:15Don't do that.
07:15No, don't you do that.
07:17You know how I feel about that bike.
07:19And I can't tell you what to do.
07:22Did you hear that, America?
07:25I mean, what my wife said.
07:27It gets me right here.
07:31It says she can't tell me what to do.
07:35She's a good boy.
07:37Yeah, I feel sanctified.
07:47Yeah, I feel sanctified.
07:58You see that, America?
07:59They gave me the nod.
08:01Back at the man's club.
08:03Yes, sir.
08:04It ain't nothing like the open road.
08:05I mean freedom.
08:06No worries.
08:07All I have to think about is a hundred horses, a quarter ton of sweet love and metal.
08:11Yes, sir.
08:13Back on the road again.
08:16It gave me the nod.
08:30Resolved.
08:31The school's uniform dress code is good for the student body's morale.
08:35It bridges the gap between the haves and the have-nots.
08:39Thank you, Jordan.
08:41Very compelling.
08:42Where's Uncle Bernie?
08:44Uh, I think he had a meeting.
08:46Oh, come on up, Michelle.
08:48There you go.
08:48I feel sanctified.
08:53Ah.
08:55Join the base at 2.30.
08:59Dang!
09:04Hold on!
09:24Oh, no, not that light.
09:28Lord, please don't take me now.
09:50What the?
09:52What the?
09:59What happened to my house?
10:02It is hard, there's a space, and the world can't erase its fantasies.
10:09Baby girl, what are you doing?
10:11Right in the sky, on a ship's fantasize.
10:17Oh, my God.
10:19I'm dead.
10:21Where are my smokes?
10:23You smoked them all, stupid.
10:27Nessa, no.
10:29No, Nessa!
10:32Don't go to sleep tonight.
10:35I'm gonna stick you.
10:40Bond in the oven and loaf on the table.
10:44Nessa, listen to me.
10:46Nessa.
10:49Nessa.
10:50Nessa.
10:54Hello, I'm Izzy.
10:56Girl, can't you read?
10:58Get out of my face.
11:00You've been reading.
11:08Joy, look at you.
11:11I can't believe it.
11:12Wipe this shining stuff off your lips.
11:16Joy.
11:18Joy, I'm not playing with you.
11:20Oh, I'm gonna look fabulous.
11:28And WB.
11:32Here comes Santa Claus.
11:35Have you been naughty or nice?
11:39I got an answer to that.
11:42Let me see.
11:43Look at it.
11:44What you got there?
11:45Oh.
11:47Take it all.
11:51Big fella, I give you everything.
11:53That's my wife.
11:54I'm not giving you Wanda.
12:01Oh, hell no.
12:07Come on.
12:10Come on, WB.
12:11Come on, WB.
12:12Come on.
12:12Come on.
12:12You think you're big?
12:13Okay.
12:14Hey, honey.
12:14Hey, honey.
12:15Wake up.
12:15Wake up.
12:15Hey, hey, hey.
12:16It's me.
12:16Come on.
12:17Focus.
12:17It's me.
12:18Okay.
12:19Well, it's you.
12:20Uh-huh.
12:22Wanda had a dream.
12:24Okay.
12:25You was in it.
12:28And Jordan, baby girl, and let me see something.
12:34Hey, quit it.
12:35Oh, okay, honey.
12:37Don't worry, okay?
12:38The doctor said you're going to be fine.
12:40It was awful.
12:41I was dead.
12:42I was dead.
12:43I tell you, I was dead.
12:44Jordan, he hit his ear.
12:47He had all the baby girls.
12:49He was smoking.
12:51And you had a little boy.
12:53And he was knocked.
12:55She had a little one.
12:56And then...
12:59Oh.
13:00And you was with WB.
13:03You're scantin'.
13:04Okay, how many painkillers did you take?
13:07Come on, honey.
13:08Come on, honey.
13:08Hey, hey.
13:09Hey, honey, you did not die.
13:10You just twisted your ankle.
13:12I twisted my ankle?
13:13Yes.
13:14I was dead.
13:15I was dead.
13:16I was dead.
13:17I was cold dead.
13:19Dead.
13:21America, come in.
13:24Look at this.
13:26Y'all, I did a foolish, selfish thing.
13:29This could have been my head.
13:31Now I know the world's a very dangerous place.
13:34See, let me tell you something.
13:35My job is to protect those kids.
13:38And from now on, America,
13:40Bernie Mac is on the job.
13:41Look at it.
13:42That could have been my head.
13:44Hair would have been missing.
13:45All right here.
13:47All this right here.
13:49Could have been laying like that.
13:52People, you know,
13:53a traffic jam star like that,
13:55they be looking.
13:56Ain't nobody gonna get out and help me.
13:57My head would have been over.
13:59I'm laying on,
14:00I'm laying on,
14:01you know,
14:03cars backed up.
14:12What would you like,
14:13little mama apple or orange?
14:15Orange!
14:17Good choice.
14:21Oh, what the?
14:22All right.
14:26Hey, honey,
14:27the cabinets are stuck.
14:28They're not stuck, baby.
14:29They're childproof.
14:30Draws are too.
14:31You gotta use a magnet.
14:32Here.
14:33Let me show you.
14:34Hold this for a second.
14:35Come here.
14:37You slide the magnet underneath
14:38until you hear a little click.
14:39You hear that click?
14:41Open right up.
14:42Here.
14:43Get your glass.
14:44Very safe.
14:45And so when did you do that?
14:47This afternoon.
14:49I should have did a long time ago.
14:50Rhonda, let me tell you something.
14:51That drawer got glasses in it.
14:52That one over there got knives.
14:54At the bottom, got poison.
14:55It's a death trap for these damn kids.
14:57What's a death trap?
14:59It's nothing, sweetie.
15:00Go outside and play,
15:01and I'll bring you your juice.
15:03Walk.
15:03Walk.
15:04No running this house.
15:06Sweetie, I didn't even know the truth, baby.
15:15Oh, look.
15:22Did you see that move?
15:23That was crazy.
15:24Boy, are you crazy?
15:26You know what's going to happen
15:26if you hit your head on that concrete?
15:28I'm wearing a helmet.
15:29It don't matter.
15:30You already got a soft spot, Jordan.
15:32You're one thump away from being in a coma.
15:35I am?
15:36Yeah, and I think about it every day.
15:37I don't want you to go on and get inside.
15:39Go on.
15:40Walk, walk.
15:46Look at all this stuff, America.
15:48Just look at it.
15:49Wanda's old dog gone visit
15:50making me get rid of all my dangerous stuff.
15:53We didn't pay no attention
15:54to what we gave the kids.
15:55Look at this.
15:56Ice skates.
15:57You can cut your finger right off.
16:00Skateboard.
16:01You can slip and crack your head
16:02and crack your corner of your head on something.
16:04Look at this.
16:05This dials right here.
16:06Their heads come off.
16:07Baby girl, mess around,
16:09start chewing on it
16:10like it's gum
16:10in the choker to death.
16:13This rope here.
16:14All this stuff
16:15is dangerous stuff
16:16and it's gone.
16:17It's gone.
16:18Look, I had a rope like this.
16:19My little brother
16:20I choked.
16:22I choked.
16:23I choked.
16:24I choked.
16:24I just went.
16:34Hey, bus driver, man.
16:38You got seatbelts on this bus?
16:40No, no bus has seatbelts.
16:42What?
16:42Hey.
16:43Hey.
16:44Nessie.
16:45Nessie.
16:46Come on.
16:46Get your stuff.
16:47You're going with me.
16:48What are you doing?
16:48Ain't no seatbelts on this bus.
16:50I got seatbelts.
16:50I'm saving your life.
16:51Come on now.
16:54Walk.
16:59Hey, Nessie.
16:59Play no tension now.
17:01You got to bust high end.
17:02Sleep mad when you're dead.
17:04Come on, slow down.
17:05Don't walk in front of me
17:05like you're embarrassed.
17:07All day, Aunt Wanda.
17:09All day long,
17:10they taunted me at school.
17:12Well, Nessie,
17:13your uncle's been
17:14through a traumatic experience.
17:15Just try to be understanding.
17:18He even took away
17:19my spiral notebooks
17:20because he said
17:21the wire might accidentally
17:22poke me in the liver.
17:24Well, you know, honey,
17:25if you think about it,
17:26that's kind of like...
17:30Okay, yeah.
17:31I'll talk to him.
17:34Remember Aunt Pearl?
17:35Remember how she died?
17:35She died of taking
17:36his little liver.
17:37Bernie, she was stabbed.
17:39Yeah.
17:40Stabbed in the liver
17:41by a piece of metal.
17:41I'll rest my case.
17:43Honey, you don't have a case, okay?
17:45And you're acting a little crazy.
17:47I realize that you're scared,
17:48but honey,
17:49you're teaching the kids
17:50to be scared, too.
17:51I'm not teaching the kids
17:52how to be scared.
17:54Rihanna is afraid
17:55to go in the kitchen
17:56because she heard you say
17:57it was a death trap.
17:58Listen, if the kids
18:00don't like it,
18:00I'm trying to keep
18:01their lives safe.
18:01That's fine with me.
18:03And I hope they don't like it
18:04for the rest of their
18:04long, long lives.
18:06Meanwhile,
18:07I threw away
18:07some of your polish.
18:09It's toxic.
18:11Oh, God.
18:22And that my friend
18:23is called victory.
18:26You cheated.
18:27I did not.
18:28You did, too.
18:30Admit it.
18:30I'm not going to admit it.
18:33Admit it.
18:34Okay, how about we debate this?
18:36Okay, I'll admit it.
18:37I cheated.
18:40Hey, hey, Jordan,
18:41let me talk to you for a minute.
18:49Jordan, did you cheat?
18:51Cheat?
18:52He's the worst.
18:53Why are you letting punk you
18:54out in your own house, then?
18:55He's bigger than me.
18:56Oh.
18:56And he was clearly
18:57about to get physical.
18:58If I didn't back down,
19:00he may have hit me.
19:01And I'd fall down
19:02and hit my head
19:03on the table or the floor.
19:04And I've got that soft spot.
19:05You said it yourself.
19:06I'm one thumb away
19:08from a coma.
19:10You hear that, America?
19:12My boy got punked
19:13in his own house
19:14because he's scared.
19:16Scared because of
19:16something I said.
19:18Wanda's right.
19:19I'm not teaching
19:20these kids wisdom, America.
19:21I'm teaching them fear.
19:23And that ain't right.
19:25That's not right at all.
19:29Jordan, you look thirsty.
19:30Why don't you go in the kitchen
19:31and get you and your friend
19:32something to drink?
19:33I'm not thirsty.
19:33You talking back to me?
19:34Just do what I tell you to do.
19:35Go on up in there.
19:37That way.
19:37Go on in there.
19:38And I'll send him in there later.
19:40Oh, no.
19:40I found it.
19:41Quit touching your head.
19:43I found it.
19:46Hey, young man.
19:48Come here for a minute.
19:50I'll talk to you.
19:55First of all,
19:56Jordan didn't cheat.
19:57He doesn't have to.
19:58He's skilled.
20:00And second,
20:01if I ever hear you talk
20:02to my nephew like that
20:04in my house,
20:05you're going to deal with me.
20:06Do you understand that?
20:08Yes, sir.
20:09I'm going in and apologize.
20:16Let me tell you something.
20:18Sometimes a little fear
20:19is a good thing.
20:20The way it gets dangerous,
20:21America,
20:21is when you let it control you.
20:23Oh, that's bad.
20:25Real bad.
20:29Honey, I think it's my fault
20:31you shouldn't have had
20:32to give up so much
20:33of your stuff.
20:35Maybe you can
20:37walk in the den?
20:40I thought you said
20:40the boy Asma was acting up.
20:43Yeah, I kind of said that
20:44because the house
20:45was starting to smell
20:46a little funky.
20:48No.
20:51Come on, baby.
20:52You mean to tell me
20:52you used the boy
20:53bad lunges
20:54to get what you want?
20:55Hon, you got to pay for that.
20:57Really?
20:58Yeah.
20:59I'm going to do that.
21:05Oh, you got that look
21:07in your eye.
21:07You think I don't?
21:09What, you scared?
21:11Could you show shit?
21:18Wanda.
21:19Why are you laughing?
21:22You look like a laugh.
21:25That was when my trauma looked.
21:27Wanda, what?
21:28Yeah.
21:30That couldn't have been.
21:32Try to get it.
21:33Try to get it.
21:33You look like a joker.
21:36That's how I want.
21:37You look like a joker.
21:38I was delirious, you know?
21:40You messed up.
21:40I don't know if I could do it again.
21:42I did. I was trying.
21:43That was a trauma.
21:44I was trying.
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