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The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.

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Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:01Who you with?
00:19Everybody, let's go.
00:21Anybody not in the car, it's two minutes going to be left.
00:25Looks like someone's looking forward to this vacation.
00:27Baby, I need it.
00:28I feel more relaxed right now.
00:30A minute, 40!
00:31A minute, 40!
00:36OK, OK, we heard you, and you don't need to get up.
00:39Well, I do have to, yeah, you ain't in the car yet.
00:41Let's go, come on!
00:42I'm bringing my knit with God.
00:44Well, she can go, she's welcome,
00:45as long as she ain't got to stop and pee.
00:46And the same go for you.
00:48Jordan, I'm going to leave instructions on the table,
00:50now let's go!
00:53Hey, boy, won't you pack all your clothes?
00:55Yeah.
00:56It's his first vacation.
00:57Everybody's excited.
00:59Did everyone pack their bathing suits?
01:01No.
01:02Well, it's too late.
01:03Time's wasted.
01:03If you don't have what you don't have,
01:05you ain't going to got what you ain't got.
01:06Come on, let's go.
01:06Let's go!
01:07Come on, baby girl.
01:08Come on, come on, baby, come on.
01:09I'll buy you one.
01:12Come on, son.
01:14Push it up in there.
01:15America, family vacation is a beautiful thing.
01:19You see this bookmark?
01:21It took me three months to get this far.
01:23And that's not because Bernie Mac's a slow reader.
01:25It's because I'm so damn busy.
01:28If I'm not on the road, I got these kids to worry about.
01:31But I'm not going to worry about them for the next three days.
01:34You know why?
01:34Because me and my baby Wanda got a plan.
01:37See, we're going to take turns watching the kids
01:40and see their three days.
01:41And Bernie Mac day is in the middle, smack in the center.
01:46Check it out.
01:48First day, that's my day.
01:50This is a kid's day.
01:53Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
02:03Look at this.
02:04You get a facial, manicure, pedicure, seaweed wrap,
02:08and an aromatherapy massage?
02:10I'm doing that.
02:11What you need a massage for?
02:12Eating free food, not paying for nothing to make you tense?
02:14Oh, Wanda, look at this.
02:17I don't see five chairs together anywhere.
02:20Excuse me.
02:21We're a family of five, and we need chairs together.
02:24Yes, ma'am.
02:25A lot of families have that problem.
02:26But it's first come, first served.
02:29Baby, don't worry about getting no chair for me.
02:32I'll sit right there.
02:35Better yet, I'll sit over there.
02:38Bye, children.
02:43Marco!
02:44Get away from me, boy.
02:45Uncle Bernie, it's supposed to say polo.
02:47Get away from me, boy.
02:48Oh, a gecko, Monarchus!
02:50Watch your mouth, boy.
02:52No, a gecko.
02:53Near the South East Asia.
02:54Uncle Bernie, you've got to help me catch it.
02:57All right, start running.
02:59I'll catch up with you later.
03:13Uncle Bernie, it doesn't float unless it has air in it.
03:17Baby girl, why don't you go sit on the other side of the pool
03:19and watch me read?
03:25If I blow that up, you promise to float over there and tell Aunt Wanda's
03:29the third day to watch you all?
03:30All right.
03:31All right, come on.
03:32Check it out.
03:34OK.
03:51Is there the hole in it?
04:02um my friends and i want to go rock climbing so can you take no but you haven't even heard
04:07me
04:08nessa what you're about to ask me does it involve me getting out of this chair
04:11yeah but only because no no it's my off day nessa it's my off day
04:19well what about your aunt no i i think she wants to stay in the pool area chairs yeah well
04:25i'll see
04:25you later vanessa great vacation
04:33nothing you got a pool a room for the videos there are a million things you can do that don't
04:37involve
04:38me let me ask you a question why in the heck would i go rock climbing on my vacation you
04:44know who does
04:44that billy goats bye hey honey we need to put the book on the chair to claim it i mean
04:54that
04:55okay fine give me your shirt what fine i will take this one over to the other one two more
05:01we got
05:03yeah mac baby talk to me big fella man i hear a lot of commotion yo man we had the
05:09belize yo man
05:10hey check it out man with crap tables our lucky one man i said seven two it's home by six
05:15man and
05:16kill it drunk dog you all in vegas when you all decide to do that she was about 96 minutes
05:22ago man a
05:23record dog hey hey what happened what happened boy jerry best just won big money man now i guess we
05:30got
05:30some new lucky crap table baby jerry there yeah big papa big papa i love this place and i love
05:37your
05:37friends and i love this woman standing next to me her name is simone she's persian but she doesn't
05:41like hummus how do you like that oh yeah and bernie and bernie uh i think she wants it okay
05:45man i
05:46gotta go man i'm on vacation with my family bothering me on my vacation ruining my peace
06:02bother me on vacation
06:15it's just you and me girl
06:26hi baby honey i'm tired oh the kids the sun the chairs give me one hour baby an hour let
06:39me get it
06:51higher
06:51america i'm trying to do the right thing i'm trying but the devil's in my ear man uh get the
06:57punk out your
06:57pants you need to go ahead and face look at once you're starting to drool with that sleep breath hey
07:02you'd be cool with that devil who you talking to you say what they want but can't i say what
07:08you
07:08think but want you deserve vagus this supposed to be your doggone day look what she did to you chump
07:14she draw you down here the kids bob you got all wet now no love and she talk anyway you
07:20be doing her
07:20a favor by leaving her alone she the one that should be grateful i'm doing her favor you're damn right
07:25how i'm gonna get there i'll hook you up oh yeah my man you good people
07:48you're a million miles from reality
08:05you can be
08:10you're a million miles from reality
08:18you can be
08:20you can be
08:21you can be
08:25morning baby
08:28hey
08:28morning baby
08:30i ordered your breakfast for you
08:32i got french toast scrambled eggs canadian bacon just the way you like it
08:38oh baby thank you
08:39any orange juice
08:41freshly squeezed
08:42hmm
08:44See that, America?
08:45Bernie Mac is slag.
08:47I had my day, got my gamble on,
08:49took in the show and won some pocket change.
08:52Caught the first flight back,
08:53and now I got some fresh squeezed juice.
08:57Money!
08:58Hey, baby, this is great.
09:03Hey, baby, you been to Vegas?
09:04That fell out of your pocket.
09:06And before you say anything else,
09:09I got your boarding pass right here.
09:15Damn, Wanda, you had to turn Columbo.
09:17Baby, look, I was bored.
09:19I'm back now, so what's the problem?
09:20You don't see what the problem is in going to Vegas?
09:24All right, Wanda, look, look, you was asleep.
09:26I couldn't read and light bulb.
09:28If I turned the television on,
09:30the noise would have woke you.
09:32See?
09:33I was being considerate.
09:36So, you're supposed to be grateful
09:38that you went to Vegas?
09:41In a perfect world, yeah.
09:44Come on, what, what, what?
09:45What if one of the kids would have woke up
09:47in the middle of the night sick?
09:50He was here.
09:57Woman, why you had to make stuff up?
09:59No kid got sick last night.
10:01See, America, she's determined to be upset.
10:03But I'm not gonna give her a reason.
10:05I'm not gonna let her put me in the trick bag.
10:07I'm telling you like her T.I. is right now.
10:09I'm gonna live up to the end of my bargain,
10:12spend my day with the kids,
10:13and then tomorrow, I'll get another day.
10:16So you're right, Ray Ray.
10:21Some boo.
10:22That ain't fresh.
10:30Come on, hurry up.
10:31Look under there.
10:32You see anything?
10:33No, but we're getting closer.
10:34Gecko poop, and it's fresh.
10:37Oh, that's foul.
10:40Look, let's go checkin' those rocks over there.
10:46Don't put your hand in your mouth, Jordan.
10:50Yo, this match.
10:52What?
10:54Look, man, I told you,
10:55don't come talk to me about no Vegas.
10:58Isn't it sweet?
11:00Tonight?
11:02I told you I can't.
11:05I'm chasing lizards.
11:09America,
11:10if you'd have told me 24 hours ago
11:13that I'd be chasing lizards with that boy,
11:15I'd have called you 10 different kinds of food.
11:17But if entertaining the boy's odd obsession
11:20is how he wanna spend his day with his Uncle Bernie,
11:22then that's what we'll do.
11:24And tomorrow,
11:25I have a vacation.
11:26and hallelujah
11:28and yahoo
11:29and all to the lizards,
11:31here I come.
11:32Here I come.
11:33Uncle Bernie, Uncle Bernie,
11:35toss me in the pool.
11:38I'll toss you, all right.
11:41Give me a miracle.
11:42Come on!
11:48Uh, no, you don't.
11:49That's my seat.
11:50Oh, I was moving it over
11:52because I'm on a family vacation
11:53and there's five of us.
11:55I only see one of you.
11:56My book, please.
11:59The woman from Memphis,
12:00she's really the town doctor's daughter.
12:02She committed the murder
12:03and he helps her cover it up
12:04because he feels guilty
12:06about his family in Bloomfield Hills.
12:08It's a very easy read.
12:1454, 55, 56, 57.
12:18100.
12:19That's not how you count to 100.
12:21You wanna see me count to 100?
12:22Let me hold you under water.
12:23What?
12:25Nothing.
12:31What does she have that attitude for?
12:33Like what I'm doing don't mean nothing.
12:35I'll show how I can run those dog on kids, ragged.
12:37Yes, sir.
12:38And then she'll stop looking at me like that.
12:40Like, I don't know what I'm doing.
12:43You know, she...
12:45That's how she looking.
12:47Bottom rolling.
12:51Wait a minute.
12:53Aunt Wanda,
12:55can I take scuba diving lessons?
12:57Scuba diving?
12:58Well, honey, that sounds dangerous.
13:00Ain't no dangerous about it.
13:03That's what Nessa wanted to do on her vacation.
13:05Well, scuba diving, we would go.
13:08You were going scuba diving?
13:10Like Jacques Cousteau, baby.
13:14And this is how you put on your scuba vest.
13:19You try.
13:31Oops.
13:32That was me.
13:34I caused that.
13:35Yes, sir.
13:36I'm a little deal with him.
13:40Black devil.
13:42It's different.
13:59Here it is.
14:00This is it.
14:02What is it?
14:03Mr. Harry's about to go.
14:06About to get our fifth chair.
14:09The chair's all the way over there, baby.
14:11Let me break it down.
14:13Joe College over there,
14:15he's checking out every girl at the pool.
14:18Those two are three seats apart,
14:20but they're really a couple.
14:22So watch.
14:38That's it.
14:38That's our fifth seat.
14:39Finally get to sit together as a fam.
14:41All right.
14:42I'm sorry, but the pool is closing.
14:44I'm going to need the chair cushions.
14:45No.
14:46No.
14:46That's the food.
14:48Baby, let it go.
14:51Hold up.
14:53Oh, you done tore the lizard tail off off him.
14:55No, it's a defense mechanism.
14:57He'll go back and put this on ice.
15:00He'll still be twitching when we get home.
15:02Here.
15:06Ow.
15:07So far today,
15:08I had a scuba tank,
15:10a bag of ice,
15:10and a lizard tail on my head.
15:13Bernie Mac is a good husband.
15:20Mac,
15:21look at this thing.
15:29All right.
15:30Kids are out cold,
15:32and do you know why, ma'am?
15:33Huh?
15:34You know why?
15:35Could he spend the whole day
15:36with Uncle Bernie
15:37just the way you wanted it?
15:38Just the way I wanted it.
15:39That's right.
15:40And I still got enough energy
15:42left for you, baby.
15:43Okay, let me get this straight.
15:44Get it straight.
15:45You want credit for playing
15:46with your nieces and nephew
15:47on a family vacation?
15:50Yeah.
15:52Matter of fact,
15:52I want extra.
15:54Let me tell you something, baby.
15:56I could be in Vegas tonight.
15:58If I were to hit the airport right now,
16:00I'd be there in time
16:01to start my free day.
16:02But instead,
16:03I pass
16:04just to be with you.
16:06Oh.
16:07You pass the drinking and smoking
16:09to spend time with your wife.
16:11Uh-huh.
16:12Well,
16:13I'm not impressed.
16:15If you want to impress me,
16:16you come to Wild Animal Park
16:18with us tomorrow.
16:19What?
16:20I'm all day?
16:21Woman, you crazy.
16:23You know,
16:24the time we spent together,
16:26you may as well
16:26just have stayed in Vegas.
16:28Why don't you
16:30go?
16:36Don't play with me, baby.
16:38Because you know I will.
16:39I'll go.
16:40Go.
16:42Fine.
16:43I wish I was like
16:44I dream of Jeannie
16:45and blink and be there.
16:46And I wish I was
16:47bewitching,
16:48wiggle my nose,
16:48and send you there.
16:52See that, America?
16:53She was about to
16:54change things up on me
16:55after I did everything
16:56I was supposed to do.
16:57And then she's gonna
16:58dare me to go?
16:59Well,
16:59I got another free day coming.
17:02And she's not gonna mess with it.
17:04Because Bernie Mac not having it.
17:05Not at all.
17:06Yeah.
17:07Back to you.
17:14Hey, come on.
17:15Come on.
17:16Put him in.
17:17Put him in.
17:18Mmm.
17:21What's that supposed to be, sugar?
17:22Your manager wanted me
17:23to bet that.
17:24What?
17:25Hey,
17:26Cupid got Jerry best, bro.
17:28Check it out.
17:29What is it?
17:29Hey, man.
17:30What's this?
17:30That was this morning.
17:32What?
17:34What's Jerry right now?
17:36On his way to Mexico
17:37to get her the nose.
17:40Especially gonna end it early.
17:42Because I'm telling you,
17:42dealing with a woman
17:43is hard work.
17:44Wanda almost messed up
17:44my whole vacation, man.
17:46Why don't you take her
17:47to the spa?
17:47Where you staying at?
17:48Malay Bay?
17:49Circus Circus?
17:51Um,
17:52I'm staying in San Diego.
17:56San Diego?
17:57Was it,
17:57wasn't you here last night?
17:59I was.
17:59It was her day
18:00to watch the kids,
18:01you know.
18:01I guess once your kids
18:02get grown,
18:03they don't need two parents.
18:05No, no, no, sugar.
18:06His kids ain't grown.
18:07Vanessa's 14.
18:08Right, 14.
18:08The boy's about 11.
18:10And how old is the baby girl?
18:11Oh, six.
18:12Seven.
18:12She's seven.
18:13Oh, and the boy's got asthma.
18:14It ain't important
18:15what the boy got, Chewy.
18:16Man, I wish I could tell my wife
18:18I'm gonna leave the state
18:19to go gamble
18:19while she watch the kids.
18:21Man, they'll be a new champ.
18:23Look, Chewy,
18:23you got it all wrong.
18:24See, my wife and I
18:25made an arrangement
18:26and I did my part
18:27taking care of the kids
18:28for a day.
18:28You know,
18:29so why would I bring the kids
18:30on my vacation
18:30just to ruin it?
18:31They tried to take me
18:32to some old
18:33wild animal park, man.
18:34I ain't having that.
18:35Chewy, you married,
18:36you know,
18:37tell them,
18:37you know about arrangements.
18:38Yeah, but those arrangements
18:39never work out.
18:40I mean,
18:40if one of those kids
18:41gets sick,
18:42it don't matter
18:43whose day it is.
18:44Mm-hmm.
18:45Yeah, you gotta do it
18:46together, man.
18:47Aw, come on, man.
18:48They play some cards, man.
18:52You ever get the feeling
18:53you went to Vegas
18:54too many times
18:54into the weekend?
18:57Look at this.
18:58You don't need to see it.
19:26I'd rather be with you
19:41Oh, thanks, baby.
19:43How was Vegas?
19:45I left early
19:46because I wanted
19:47to be chairs for you.
19:49You want some company?
19:52Oh, that.
19:54Did you win big?
19:56Not like I'm wearing now.
19:58I'm sorry,
19:59but the pool doesn't open
20:00for another 20 minutes.
20:01Is that right?
20:03Well, listen,
20:05won't you pretend
20:06like you're not here?
20:08Better yet,
20:10get us some cushions.
20:14Ooh, that's one big.
20:16And it's getting bigger.
20:17Mm-hmm.
20:21Sick.
20:22It doesn't matter
20:23whose day it is, man.
20:23You gotta do it together.
20:25See?
20:25That's all I'm saying.
20:25Yo, yo, man.
20:26Yo, man.
20:26Play the cards, man.
20:28Play the cards, man.
20:28Bam!
20:29Nothing.
20:29Ain't nothing, yo, man, man.
20:30I got it.
20:31I got it right there.
20:32Oh.
20:34Oh, Lord.
20:35Wow.
20:36It's the first.
20:37The Mac.
20:38You ain't winning this time.
20:40Oh, man.
20:41You beat me like
20:42De LaHoy beat you, dude.
20:43Oh, man.
20:44Cut the camera off.
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