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00:02Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:34Thank you
00:37Yes! My name's Greg Davies and this is the Taskmaster Grand Final!
00:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:48My goodness, have we all been on a journey together.
00:52Five Phileas Fogs high on adrenaline,
00:55a group of Don Quixotes riding round on the donkey of thrills,
00:59a quintet of David Attenborough's off their nuts on monkey serotonin.
01:04And I know, as well as you,
01:07that finishing this series on that lust analogy
01:09would do them a disservice.
01:11So, let's let them play out the last act themselves.
01:15For the final time, please welcome...
01:18Amy Gladhill!
01:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:21Armando Iannucci!
01:24Joanna Payne!
01:26Joe Domest!
01:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:29And Camille Nanjiani!
01:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:35And next to me, a man who tells me, quite simply,
01:38his ideal holiday is to be a la plage with Nigel Farage.
01:42LAUGHTER
01:45Little Alex Hall!
01:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:48Hello, everyone.
01:49Hello, Steve. Hello.
01:50Hello, hello, hello, hello.
01:51Hello.
01:52Here we are in the final.
01:53Here we are.
01:54What's the last prize task category of this series, Alex?
01:58Well, it has excellence written all over it, Greg,
02:01as they've brought in the object that is most likely to make you say,
02:04oh, yeah, that is quality when you see it.
02:08LAUGHTER
02:09It's the sort of phrase you might have heard coming from a gent's toilet
02:11and also here, because...
02:13LAUGHTER
02:14It's the grand final.
02:15The episode winner will take home all five top-quality items,
02:18whereas the series winner, conversely, will take home that trophy.
02:21Greg.
02:22All right, then.
02:23Joel?
02:23We'll see if, oh, there, that is quality, comes out or not.
02:28That says you mould in your own voice.
02:30This character?
02:31Yeah!
02:31This is a new character, I've just made him up.
02:33Oh, Dave.
02:35Oh, let's have a look.
02:36Oh!
02:37So, I went through a phase.
02:39I was, like, 18, where I thought I'm going to be a rapper.
02:43So, I wrote and recorded some rap songs.
02:48Oh, wow.
02:48And this is a genuine song I wrote called Limelight.
02:53LAUGHTER
02:57Here's Joel's song.
02:58That's what you get for wanting limelight.
03:00The lime is bitter, but the light is bright.
03:06Safe.
03:08Safe.
03:16Oh, my God.
03:17That is the first time in this series that my testicles have fully gone inside my body.
03:22LAUGHTER
03:24It's a start.
03:25OK.
03:27You haven't said whether it's quality or not.
03:29Oh, yeah.
03:30Yeah, I think it's all right.
03:31OK.
03:33OK, Amy.
03:35Amy, hello.
03:36Hello.
03:36I have brought in some quality Hornsea pottery.
03:42Ooh.
03:43I don't think Dave's going to like this.
03:45LAUGHTER
03:46This is what she's brought in.
03:47This is what she's brought in.
03:48Oh.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:51Don't laugh at that from here.
03:53This is, this is actually very quality stuff.
03:57So, this is made in Hornsea, where I went to school.
04:00And Hornsea pottery made the town all famous.
04:04And now this, this stuff's...
04:06Can you please stop laughing?
04:09LAUGHTER
04:10It's quality ceramics.
04:11It's famously durable.
04:13Let's ask Dave.
04:15Oh, no, I don't like Dave.
04:18LAUGHTER
04:19I think it's toilet.
04:24Joanna.
04:26LAUGHTER
04:28I have brought in my Tom Jones does country and western record.
04:33LAUGHTER
04:34Have a look and react.
04:37Wow.
04:38Wow!
04:40You've got Tom Jones.
04:41I've never met a man, until actually sitting opposite you, Greg,
04:45that emanates such raw sexuality as Tom Jones.
04:51LAUGHTER
04:51Who are you talking?
04:54He is raw, he is male, he is sexual, it seeps out of him.
05:00Oh, my God.
05:00That, right?
05:01I imagine it literally does, actually.
05:04LAUGHTER
05:04It's not just that, right?
05:05He is on a horse, his shirt is open,
05:08you can see his chest hair and he's wearing a stepson.
05:12And I'm sorry, right, but I look at that and I go,
05:15oh, yeah, that is quality.
05:18LAUGHTER
05:19Well, I hadn't expected it to be quite so flagrantly sexual
05:23from Joanna, but why not?
05:25Why not, indeed.
05:25Oh, I wonder what Dave will think of that, though.
05:27Oh.
05:28Yeah, fair play, he's a Welsh stallion.
05:31LAUGHTER
05:34Armando.
05:35Well, my eldest got my wife this for Christmas.
05:38When we turned it on, it transformed our lives.
05:42Just a very simple thing.
05:44Take a look at this.
05:45Looks like a normal sellotape dispenser.
05:48Watch this.
05:49BUZZ
05:50BUZZ
05:51BUZZ
05:51Oh!
05:52LAUGHTER
05:54Oh, that is...
05:55LAUGHTER
05:56That's beautiful.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:58That got me going the way that Tom Jones gets you going.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:02That...
06:03That is life-changing.
06:05Yeah.
06:06And you can specify the length and...
06:08Oh.
06:09And you've picked your audience very nicely.
06:12LAUGHTER
06:12I should be buying one of those tonight.
06:14LAUGHTER
06:14Ah, Kamal.
06:17Welcome.
06:18Hi.
06:18What have you brought?
06:20Greg?
06:21Yeah.
06:22Oh, my God.
06:24Finally.
06:25Oh, my God.
06:26LAUGHTER
06:31LAUGHTER
06:32Is it a T-shirt with a koala bag?
06:34LAUGHTER
06:34It is a koala tea.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:42APPLAUSE
06:50It is undeniably...
06:53A koala tea.
06:54He's good.
06:55He's fucking good.
06:57LAUGHTER
06:57OK.
06:58Are we ready to score?
07:00Amy, I'm sorry, I'm giving you one point for your pottery.
07:03LAUGHTER
07:03And that's that.
07:04One point.
07:04I'm giving quality two points and he can thank me for it.
07:08I don't give a shit.
07:10Two points to come out.
07:11You don't bring a pun T-shirt onto this show.
07:14Joel, I have to put you in the middle,
07:16cos I don't know whether it was quality
07:18or whether I just want to help you.
07:22Three points.
07:24Tom Jones.
07:25I've never seen a woman so horny in my life.
07:28LAUGHTER
07:30Four points.
07:31But, you know, he's playing to his audience.
07:33Wow.
07:33I want that tape dispenser.
07:35Five points to our man.
07:37APPLAUSE
07:41All right.
07:42All right.
07:42What's first to kick off this glossy spectacle?
07:45It's a great question and it's a blast from the past, Greg,
07:48because the egg cup is back.
07:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:52Oh, 12 people love it.
07:55And once more it needs filling, but with what?
07:58Oh.
07:58Ooh.
08:00MUSIC
08:04MUSIC
08:10Hello.
08:12Hi, Amy.
08:13Hi.
08:14Hello.
08:15Ah.
08:16Hello, Joanna.
08:17Ooh.
08:18Hello.
08:19Armando.
08:20Are there many Armandos?
08:22There are a few.
08:24Only I know where they are.
08:27Lint roller.
08:28Ooh.
08:29That's a sticky thing.
08:31May I?
08:32Yes.
08:32Should I?
08:33OK.
08:35Ahem.
08:36Fill this egg cup...
08:38with lint.
08:40You have ten minutes and the egg cup must stay in the lab.
08:43Also, you must stop this clock at exactly ten seconds...
08:48..at some point during the second half of your attempt,
08:52otherwise you are disqualified.
08:54Most lint wins.
08:55Your time starts now.
08:58Right.
08:59So I need to gather lint, first of all.
09:01Start the clock and halfway through it...
09:03..or over halfway through it,
09:05stop it for ten seconds,
09:08and then start it again.
09:09Yeah?
09:10Well, I don't think so, but...
09:11No!
09:12That stops the clock,
09:13that gets the lint,
09:14that collects the lint.
09:17OK, let's collect some lint.
09:19APPLAUSE
09:20Wow.
09:21Yeah.
09:24Joel contained expectations,
09:26he understood the task.
09:27Yeah.
09:27Explained it,
09:28and he got on with it.
09:29Meanwhile, Armando's brain
09:31folded in on itself.
09:33Yes.
09:35One of the old cultural differences between England and Wales,
09:38isn't it?
09:38We call it a lint roller,
09:39and you call it a sticky thing, is it?
09:41Yes!
09:42Yeah.
09:43Yeah.
09:44Right, well, first,
09:45to try and locate a load of lint,
09:47are Amy and Kamali.
09:49Am I linty?
09:50I'm not linty!
09:53Oh!
09:57Oh!
10:00There's no lint anywhere!
10:03What is the definition of lint?
10:06Would you like me to look it up?
10:07Yeah, unless you know it off the top of your head.
10:11Oh, my God!
10:13I'm lintless!
10:17Could you type a little faster?
10:20I've got the definition of lint for you.
10:22It's a noun.
10:25Number one, short, fine fibres,
10:28which separate from the surface of cloth or yarn...
10:31Speak fast.
10:32Right, sorry.
10:33Nothing in the world has lint.
10:35Lint's a myth.
10:37Number two, a fabric originally of linen,
10:39with a raised nap on one side,
10:41used for dressing wounds.
10:43Is there another definition of lint that I don't know about?
10:45No.
10:46This is just lint.
10:47Fuzz, fluff, fibres, hair, dust, fur.
10:49Hair?
10:50Well, anything that bundles up.
10:52I mean, hair is hair.
10:56I don't think you're going to be happy about this.
11:04So what's the difference between lint and fur?
11:07This is not fur because it's not a real animal.
11:10Oh!
11:11Is that lint or is that hair?
11:12Lint?
11:15If it's not a real animal, it's lint.
11:17You could have clothes with this.
11:18Do you think they made a cat out of lint?
11:20You think they make jackets out of lint?
11:22No, they don't.
11:23When stuff comes off a jacket, it's lint.
11:25Stuff comes off a sweater, it's lint.
11:27Stuff comes off a stuffed cat, it's lint.
11:32Okay.
11:32Give me four minutes.
11:34I need a little victory here.
11:46Oh!
11:47Ah!
11:52So I'm disqualified?
11:53I don't know.
11:54Is there a reset?
11:55There normally is, isn't there?
12:01Thank God.
12:07Oh!
12:08Here we go.
12:10Oh!
12:11Do you know?
12:11There's never lint when you want it.
12:13Do you know who's going to be good at this?
12:14People that have, um...
12:16pets.
12:17And they've got all shit on them.
12:22Okay, there we go.
12:24Come on, kitty.
12:27Oh, there's so much lint!
12:28I can't believe I'm just doing this now!
12:31I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of the day without a sock.
12:33WHISTLE BLOWS
12:36That is one egg cup full of lint.
12:40APPLAUSE
12:42Good start.
12:43Was it a good start?
12:46Well, they got something in the egg cup.
12:49Oh, yeah, something went in all right.
12:50I found it fascinating that Alex told you that hair wasn't lint,
12:54and then you just carried on pulling your hair out.
12:57Like a character from One Flew Over the Cuckoos there.
13:00LAUGHTER
13:01I think if you look, the third definition of lint is hair mixed with sock.
13:07Well, a sock was certainly better.
13:09The definition I've got is short, fine fibres that separate from the surface of cloth.
13:13It doesn't mention off the surface of a head or a cat.
13:17Well, it's...
13:18It's not a real cat?
13:19Yeah, yeah.
13:20It's not a real cat, but according to Alex, that does fit the definition.
13:24Yeah, there is often hair and fur within lint.
13:27OK.
13:27Yours is...
13:31You're fucked, Greg.
13:35I don't know if I'm fucked.
13:37I...
13:39I'm certainly surprised by your wolf noise.
13:44The sock was much better, I thought. That's far more linting.
13:47Yeah, thank you.
13:48We were chatting during that.
13:49Alex and I think the sock looked a bit grubby, FYI.
13:51OK.
13:54I'll allow them to lint.
13:55OK, who's next?
13:56Well, will his attempt make you vomit?
13:59Let's find out. It's Joel Patrick Domit.
14:01LAUGHTER
14:05Where was... lint is there, like, in?
14:10Got an idea.
14:13Henry.
14:13I'm sorry.
14:18Lint.
14:22Have you ever put your fingers into Henry's asshole?
14:25Right into Henry's butthole, eh?
14:28Can I get another egg cut?
14:30Sure.
14:30Thanks, bud.
14:34Ooh, that was close, yeah.
14:35Stop it.
14:36Oh, I've got real good, like...
14:39That's the good stuff right there.
14:41That's from, like, John Robin's belly button.
14:43That is Sophie Tuka's hair.
14:45How long have I got left?
14:47You've got one minute and one second.
14:49Stop it!
14:51Oh!
14:52Congratulations. It's now just lint.
14:54Which is a show that I'm going to be hosting on Channel 5 after this.
14:57Five seconds left.
14:58That is lint.
15:01WHISTLE
15:02Yep.
15:03I'm happy with that, though.
15:04Yeah, that's a lot lint.
15:06It was interesting to go through the sort of dregs of the Taskmaster health.
15:10Yeah, it's never been emptied, that, so...
15:11Thank you, Joel.
15:13Why would you sniff it?
15:15I don't know.
15:16LAUGHTER
15:18There's good.
15:20What a lint.
15:21That's lint.
15:24The hoover was a masterstroke.
15:27Incredible.
15:28And you're the only person to have two egg cups.
15:30This could be your finest hour.
15:32So far.
15:33Tell me it's Dave.
15:37I'll tell you what I'll do.
15:38I'll bring Dave back just to read out my favourite quote from you during that.
15:41Please do.
15:42Have you ever put your fingers in Henry's arsehole?
15:45LAUGHTER
15:49OK, there'll be a gap in our programme now for some adverts.
15:53It's an ugly gap, but it's not as ugly as the one between Alex's wonky teeth.
15:58LAUGHTER
16:07Hello.
16:09Welcome back to our grand final, where, to reflect the occasion,
16:13they are trying to fill an egg cup with the most lint.
16:16And now I expect Alex is going to annoy me with some lint-based puns.
16:20Ooh.
16:21I doubt it.
16:23Although...
16:24You know, last year I did actually give up coffee for lint.
16:27For lint, yeah.
16:28It tasted horrible.
16:29Before the break, Joel went to some pretty extreme lint
16:31to fill up his egg cup.
16:33LAUGHTER
16:33And now, final lint.
16:35Are they feeling lucky, punks?
16:36That's a lint-east would quote.
16:37It's Joanna!
16:39And Amanda.
16:40I actually don't think.
16:42I've got that much on me.
16:45Right, OK.
16:46Is it inappropriate to ask for your barely buttons?
16:50LAUGHTER
16:52Is there any?
16:53I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
16:55I couldn't see your barely button!
16:58LAUGHTER
16:59Right, there's not that much lint in there.
17:03Lint, that's...
17:04What's lint?
17:04It's not mint.
17:05It's fluff, isn't it?
17:07It's not mint.
17:08It's not mint.
17:08It's not mint.
17:09How do you get lint?
17:11How do you get lint?
17:12Where is lint?
17:13Is there any lint anywhere?
17:14It's not a drink.
17:16That's lint.
17:17That's lilch.
17:17I've suddenly now just lost the ability to work out language.
17:23LAUGHTER
17:24It's domestic bum fluff, basically, that's what it is.
17:27OK.
17:27I'll be back in a minute.
17:28All right, then.
17:29Where the heck do you get lint?
17:31Right, I'm coming in here.
17:33Is there any lint?
17:34I saw ages ago, right, that in here...
17:38Here we go.
17:40I got you some lint.
17:42Where's that from?
17:44Somewhere in here.
17:49Where did you find that lint?
17:50I found that in the living room.
17:52From a task that I did the other day.
17:56And there was a duck and there was that lint.
17:59And at the time I saw it and I didn't forget it.
18:02I kept it in my mind.
18:05And I chuffed.
18:07I can see that.
18:09How much time?
18:11Four minutes, 15 seconds.
18:12Right, go.
18:13Four, five, six, seven...
18:14Oh, bum!
18:15Oh, my God, that means I've got to count ten from, like, on that.
18:18I'm not good at maths.
18:20It has to be exactly 10.
18:22Yeah, yes, it very much does.
18:26Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,
18:31nine, ten.
18:35Oh, my God, my head completely went.
18:38The...
18:39Mmm...
18:49Ah!
18:50Ah!
18:51Ah!
18:52Ah!
18:53Yes!
18:54I flippin' did it!
18:56I can't believe it!
18:58I think I've peaked.
18:59Yeah, yeah.
19:00Yeah.
19:00Very good.
19:05Correct me if I'm wrong, but the only two contestants to remember
19:08that we'd planted lint in the building in a previous task.
19:12Yes.
19:12So, well done for remembering that.
19:14A shame you forgot language and numbers.
19:17LAUGHTER
19:19But, you know, when I pressed the buzzer, right,
19:21there was the big number there and then the small number
19:24was going fast and I genuinely write,
19:26I lost my mind.
19:28And I've been on the right, right, was what I thought was a second,
19:31first of all.
19:31And that's why I was shutting it off so fast.
19:34And then it was all going so fast that I thought,
19:36I don't know what a second is anymore.
19:39LAUGHTER
19:39Have you been putting drugs in my teeth?
19:41LAUGHTER
19:42And what happened with you, Armando, with language?
19:45For a long time you kept saying,
19:47what's lint, it's not mint.
19:48I know.
19:49There was certainly a hint.
19:53LAUGHTER
19:54There was more than a hint of lint.
19:55Do you want to see how much all five of them got in their egg cups?
19:58Big time.
19:59So, look, all their linty egg cups are here.
20:01Joel managed to fill not just one, but two egg cups.
20:04Ooh.
20:05Armando's was slightly more than Joanna's in total
20:09because he managed to use the jumper well.
20:10Kamel, you'd get twice as much as Amy.
20:13So it's one point to Amy, it's two to Kamel,
20:15three to Joanna, four to Armando.
20:16But the most lint found was by Mr Joel Domit.
20:20Nice point.
20:21You're the king of lint, you man.
20:23On your wedding day as well.
20:25LAUGHTER
20:26It doesn't look like we're getting married.
20:29LAUGHTER
20:29We're the ushers.
20:31We were all invited to the reception.
20:33And what's he or she doing?
20:35I'm the arsehole brother-in-law who's doing coke in the toilet.
20:38LAUGHTER
20:40It's a great 90s film you all are.
20:42LAUGHTER
20:43See the scoreboard, please.
20:45Well, in this episode, we have an outright leader.
20:48He's wearing a kilt.
20:49It's Armando and Nine Clones!
20:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:52Wow.
20:53Oh, my God.
20:55Have you got something else to get for us, Alex?
20:57Do I?
20:58Yes, I do.
20:59But look out, Greg!
21:00Ah!
21:01LAUGHTER
21:14Hello.
21:15Joanna.
21:16Hi.
21:17Hello there.
21:21No?
21:22That's always been there, isn't it?
21:25Just...
21:25Oh!
21:26That was close.
21:29Whoa!
21:30That was close.
21:31Yep.
21:32Whoa!
21:34WHOOP!
21:35WHOOP!
21:35Very close shave.
21:37WHOOP!
21:38Oh, that was close.
21:41Phew.
21:41From that plane.
21:42Yeah.
21:43Yeah, that's how we deliver them now.
21:44Yep.
21:46OK.
21:48Have the most exhilarating name, miss, with this paint balloon.
21:53You have 20 minutes, your time starts now.
21:57Oh, I'm excited for this.
21:58This is right up my street.
22:01It's very full.
22:03Oh!
22:04Yeah, that's going to go any minute.
22:07It could be a near miss at me.
22:10Or it could be a near miss from me.
22:13Yes.
22:15To anyone who co-hosts this show.
22:18I'll take that.
22:19Yep.
22:20I want to get hit by it.
22:22Why do you want to get hit by it, Jo?
22:23Because it'll be fun, wouldn't it?
22:25I've been hit by a bowl full of paint before.
22:27Yes, it's not a bowl.
22:29It's a balloon.
22:30OK.
22:31And it's actual paint?
22:33What do you mean?
22:34It's like real, like, wall paint.
22:37Are you going out later?
22:40I plan to.
22:41Well, you've got to miss.
22:43Wow.
22:48Good.
22:48Well, I think we just need to see it, don't we?
22:50I want to see them almost get hit by a load of paint.
22:53OK.
22:53Well, it is the co-host of Taskmaster here.
22:56Tony...
22:56Yes, I did notice that and I was irritated.
22:58He's my assistant.
22:59Carry on.
23:01Well, the first two to try and have the most exhilarating near miss are Armando and Joanna.
23:10Right.
23:11I'm on my way to a recorder conference.
23:13The only rule is, two rules, bring a recorder and don't have any paint on you.
23:17If I got hit by paint, you know, metres away from the recorder conference, that would be awful.
23:23But if I managed to fend off the paint attack, that would be quite exhilarating, wouldn't it?
23:27Yeah?
23:28There's your back story.
23:29OK.
23:31There we go.
23:32Yeah.
23:32No.
23:38Well, thank you.
23:41Now, we've got...
23:43That's how it is.
23:44Hi-ya-ya!
23:45Oh!
23:49Right!
23:50Let's go.
24:30That was a near mess.
24:32That was amazing.
24:34That was a near mess.
24:36There we are.
24:37My job's done.
24:40Wow.
24:41I know he got me just a bit.
24:43Oh, yeah.
24:44But look at this.
24:44It's just Mr. Hedgehog.
24:46Thank God.
24:46Right.
24:47Yeah.
24:48Right.
24:48Good.
24:49That way.
24:50Yes.
24:51Of course.
24:59Fascinating narrative.
25:02Your character was going to...
25:04I was going to a recorder conference.
25:05A recorder conference.
25:06And no paints allowed.
25:07We were all sent...
25:08I mean, months ago,
25:10we were sent an envelope with a card saying,
25:12no paint.
25:14It's become very real in your mind, hasn't it, this conference?
25:17Yes.
25:17You must not have any paint on them whatsoever.
25:20Oh, God, no.
25:21You must not.
25:21It's to do with the acoustics.
25:23Yeah.
25:26And of course, Joanna had a narrative to hers as well.
25:30What I was doing in the wheelbarrow with the trumpet,
25:34with Alex pushing me, I'm not sure.
25:35Oh, God.
25:36Oh.
25:39Sometimes, honesty is the best policy.
25:42Yeah.
25:42I've got a back story for you, which is you were on your way to Horncon.
25:46Don't drag the girl into your madness.
25:49She's already looking for lint in people's belly buttons.
25:52Shall we see another?
25:53Let's see another near miss.
25:54OK.
25:55Next, it's one of the buffest guys we've ever had on the show.
25:58But Armando's already been, I hear you cry.
26:00True.
26:01But fortunately, we also have...
26:03Joel Domitz.
26:05LAUGHTER
26:07Three.
26:09Two.
26:11One.
26:35ifer...
26:37SHE WANTS
26:39All right?
26:40Yeah, I missed you.
26:42Yes!
26:45It really is a high pipe.
26:48It's really good. It's really good.
26:52Speaking plainly,
26:54you have been consistently awful in this show.
26:57But that, my friend, was a goddamn work of art, I thought.
27:02Yes!
27:02I didn't even want to know the narrative.
27:04I didn't even know if he was on his way to a bath conference.
27:08I didn't even think, like, a narrative was an option.
27:11Just, like, make a near miss.
27:13That's a near miss.
27:14When they started going down the narrative route,
27:16I was like, maybe I've done this wrong.
27:18No.
27:19Turns out, narrative is fucking stupid.
27:24OK, right, one more before the break.
27:28Next, it's actually the buffest guy we've ever had on the show.
27:32It is Kumail Manjung.
27:55Oh.
27:58Oh.
28:00Oh.
28:04MUSIC
28:06Anything out of the plan?
28:09No.
28:10It...
28:11It hit me in the centre of my body.
28:15You call it the centre of your body?
28:17Yeah, I think so.
28:18I'm pretty symmetric.
28:23Pretty... pretty exhilarating.
28:29I mean, real Hollywood stuff for some of it.
28:33Yeah.
28:34It's a near miss in that it nearly missed my penis.
28:44I mean, that's what happened, ultimately.
28:46It was Hollywood, Hollywood, Hollywood.
28:48Oh, he's taking a balloon to the dick.
28:53That's us, halfway through this final,
28:55and weirdly, Alex has asked to speak.
28:58Right, here we go.
28:59Yeah.
28:59So, hello, everyone.
29:00I just wanted to say I've loved every second of every series
29:04Taskmaster has brought me, and you, hopefully.
29:08It's been the centre of my life for so long now.
29:09But I feel now is the right time for me to move on,
29:13to try something different.
29:14And so, sadly, this will be my final episode.
29:17So...
29:17Oh!
29:21Wah!
29:23How's this?
29:25How's this?
29:25This is all he's got.
29:26That's all I've got.
29:29We'll see you in a minute.
29:34APPLAUSE
29:40Welcome back.
29:41The final is rapidly drawing to a close, but there's still work to be done.
29:45Yes, indeed.
29:46The current task involves having an exhilarating near miss.
29:49Yes, it's a light entertainment version of the Cuban Missile Crisis.
29:52There's only one person left to go.
29:56It must be near miss Amy Gledhill.
30:01Hello.
30:02Hello.
30:05Hit me with it.
30:08OK.
30:11Where should I aim?
30:13Right between the eyes.
30:15Yes, please.
30:15Yes.
30:16OK.
30:17Right.
30:18Are you ready?
30:19One.
30:20Two.
30:21Three.
30:22Go!
30:32That was a near miss.
30:34Yeah, got away with that.
30:35Yeah.
30:36I think that went very well.
30:47Two.
30:48Two.
30:50Two.
30:53Two.
30:54Two.
30:54Are you there?
30:56There he is.
30:57Hello.
30:58Thanks, Amy.
31:03So close.
31:07I've seen it and I still don't understand how that happened.
31:11I think it was you hitting it with the frying pan.
31:14I see.
31:16It was right up there with Joel.
31:17Visually, though, I thought.
31:19Spectacular, but, you know, obviously, a complete failure.
31:23OK, so I want to reward exhilarating even if it was, well, rubbish.
31:31Right.
31:31So I'm going to give two points to Kamel and two points to Amy
31:34just because I enjoyed the visual stunningness of it.
31:36It was exhilarating.
31:37I get two points for all that?
31:39Yep.
31:43You and your dick are welcome.
31:46I'm giving Joanna three points.
31:49It was a beautiful near miss.
31:52But Armando somehow won me over with this ridiculous convoluted story arc.
31:58So three points to Joanna, four points to Armando.
32:02And sometimes you just have to say, well, it was a work of art.
32:05Joel Dommert takes five points.
32:07APPLAUSE
32:11I'm afraid the time has come for me to request the last pre-filmed task of the series.
32:17And I must give you that task and it shall be a team one.
32:21And just like Greg, it really is a big softie.
32:46Oh.
32:46Hey, Alex.
32:47Oh.
32:48Alex.
32:49Hello.
32:50Hello.
32:50Hello, Joanna.
32:51Ah, good.
32:51Pillows.
32:52Hello, Armando.
32:53Hello.
32:53Hello.
32:53Hello.
32:54Hello, Joanna.
32:54OK.
32:54Ooh.
32:56Three Pillows.
32:57Maybe it's a sleeping task.
32:58Do you want to read?
32:59Oh, yes.
32:59Please.
33:00Right.
33:01Yes.
33:03Choreograph and carry out...
33:04The greatest pillar fight of all time.
33:08Yes.
33:09Greatest pillar fight of all time wins.
33:11You have 20 minutes.
33:13Your time starts now.
33:14This is great.
33:14We've got a bona fide action star with us.
33:17Don't have to do it in here, do we?
33:18Well, I know.
33:19I don't suppose we do, do we?
33:20Should we do it like coming at each other from great distance?
33:23Yeah, that would be good.
33:25All right.
33:25Well, let's take these pillows and start finding good venue for it.
33:28Right, we need a battering ram and then some form of catapult.
33:31Yes.
33:40I'm excited.
33:41Especially now I know there's going to be catapults and battering rams involved.
33:45Let's have a look.
33:45Yes.
33:46They were ambitious and for the last time then, it is Armando and Joanna.
33:59I challenge you to pillow combat.
34:04Unleash the caterpillows!
34:07Roar!
34:08Roar!
34:10Company, we're being scattered cushioned by the mad cackling moss lady across the valley.
34:15Hold the line!
34:16Will I unleash the power of a cushion cannon?
34:21Fire one!
34:23Roar!
34:24Roar!
34:24Fire two!
34:26Roar!
34:26Roar!
34:27We might as well do a third one!
34:29Roar!
34:31Roar!
34:32Roar!
34:32Is there a fourth?
34:34Roar!
34:34There isn't a four!
34:36Roar!
34:37Bash his walls in with my battering ram, made from my hardest memory foam!
34:44Roar!
34:46Roar!
34:46Roar!
34:47Roar!
34:48Roar!
34:49Roar!
34:49Roar!
34:50Roar!
34:51Roar!
34:51Roar!
34:52Roar!
34:53Roar!
34:53Roar!
34:54Roar!
34:54Roar!
34:56Roar!
34:58Roar!
35:01Roar!
35:04Roar!
35:07Roar!
35:08Roar!
35:08Roar!
35:09Roar!
35:10Roar!
35:12Roar!
35:14Roar!
35:14Roar!
35:15Roar!
35:17Roar!
35:18Roar!
35:19Roar!
35:20Roar!
35:20Roar!
35:21Roar!
35:21Roar!
35:21Roar!
35:21Roar!
35:21Roar!
35:21Roar!
35:22Roar!
35:22Roar!
35:22Roar!
35:23Roar!
35:24Roar!
35:25We'll parley.
35:26Shall we pillow talk?
35:28Let us pillow talk.
35:30We shouldn't be fighting each other.
35:32No.
35:33Why don't we join forces?
35:35We should take down that evil elf that is the Taskmaster's bidding.
35:38You mean the Dark Horn?
35:40Oh, yes.
35:42I mean the Dark Horn.
35:45Advance.
35:56Take it, Alex.
35:57No, thank you.
35:58The Dark Horn.
35:59Get the clipboard.
36:00Get the horn.
36:02Get the clipboard.
36:03Get it.
36:04I've got the clipboard.
36:06Got it.
36:06I've got all the other tasks.
36:19What an epic journey.
36:22Wow.
36:23I can't speak for everyone,
36:23but I certainly would like to taste the soft,
36:25fluffy underside of Armando's lance.
36:29LAUGHTER
36:32I wasn't sure what people would say about you
36:34when the series airs, Joanna,
36:36but I think the cackling moss lady from across the valley works.
36:40LAUGHTER
36:42It had everything, didn't it?
36:44Two tribes warring, violence.
36:48Revenge on the elf.
36:50And then they came together.
36:51Yes.
36:52They formed a coalition.
36:54Yes.
36:54And then revolution.
36:55Yes.
36:56Attack the Dark Horn.
36:57Genuine pain and some allergies.
37:00LAUGHTER
37:00An epic film.
37:02What a team.
37:03Well done, you two.
37:08Sadly, there is just one part left of this sweet, sweet series.
37:13Who will lift aloft the tap to my right
37:15and become the latest addition to an elite group of champions
37:19that Joel Domit will always wonder what it's like to be part of?
37:23LAUGHTER
37:23We'll see you in a bit.
37:26APPLAUSE
37:33Hello.
37:35Welcome back to the final part of our grand final.
37:39We're currently witnessing the greatest pillow fights of our time.
37:42We've seen one, but there's still one to go.
37:45That is correct.
37:47And so, for the final time, it is Fight Night
37:49with Amy, Joel and Kamel from way out west.
37:53Ooh.
37:59That is right.
37:59Oh, my God.
38:01Let's go.
38:02Let's go.
38:07Let's go.
38:09Let's go.
38:09Look at me.
38:09We'll see you next time.
38:09I'll be right back to you next time.
38:09What about the joke?
38:09We will do it.
38:09Let's go.
38:10Let's go.
38:11Well done.
38:14You know what?
38:14You know what?
38:14You can't go.
38:14You know I can't go.
38:40Oh, my God.
38:54Oh, my God.
39:16Oh, my God.
39:17Oh, my God.
39:20Oh, my God.
39:22BUZZER
39:24BUZZER
39:24BUZZER
39:27BUZZER
39:30BUZZER
39:31BUZZER
39:32BUZZER
39:34BUZZER
39:38BUZZER
39:38BUZZER
39:40BUZZER
39:41BUZZER
39:41BUZZER
39:41BUZZER
39:45BUZZER
40:07BUZZER
40:08Oh! Let's put this on our CV!
40:13LAUGHTER
40:14Yeah, I wouldn't.
40:16LAUGHTER
40:19I don't know how to score these, cos I enjoyed them both immensely.
40:23I don't think I've ever done this before.
40:26Oh!
40:28Trousers down, I think, is it?
40:30LAUGHTER
40:31LAUGHTER
40:37I'm giving everyone five points.
40:39APPLAUSE
40:44If you're giving us all five points, you've done nothing.
40:48You might as well give us zero points.
40:50I'm giving everyone five points apart from Kamal.
40:54LAUGHTER
40:54I'm giving zero points.
40:56LAUGHTER
40:57One final look at the scores.
40:58OK, can you give us five points again so I can have a bit more TV-friendly reaction?
41:02OK.
41:03No.
41:04LAUGHTER
41:06No.
41:07I want everyone to see how mean-spirited you are.
41:11LAUGHTER
41:11Yeah.
41:13One final look at the meaningless scores, then.
41:16LAUGHTER
41:16Well, of course, Greg.
41:19Oh!
41:19Oh!
41:21Ooh!
41:22Stephen's got some deep fucking...
41:23Ooh!
41:25Ooh!
41:26Ooh!
41:26Ooh!
41:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:30I'm Joel Donnick!
41:33Oh, my God!
41:35LAUGHTER
41:35THEY'RE ALL DODOMICK!
41:37THEY'VE ALL DONE IT!
41:38THEY'VE ALL DONE IT!
41:39THEY'VE ALL DONE IT!
41:39THEY'VE ALL DONE IT!
41:41THEY'VE ALL DONE IT!
41:41EGG!
41:42EGG!
41:42UNITED BY EGG!
41:45EGG!
41:45EGG!
41:45EGG!
41:46EGG!
41:48EGG!
41:49EGG!
41:50EGG!
41:50IT'S WARMING MOMENT!
41:51BUT FOR ME, NOW THAT EVERYONE'S GOT AN EGG, IT'S MEANINGLESS!
41:56LAUGHTER
42:03Want to find a look at the scores? Of course.
42:06Well, the series is hotting up.
42:08The episode, even more so.
42:10We have joint leaders Armando and Joel are both on 18 points.
42:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:20Genuinely, you're sad that that's the end of the VTs.
42:22I'm genuinely sorry to see you go.
42:24Oh, well.
42:25OK, everyone, please make your way to the stage
42:27for the final live Tusk of the series!
42:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:40Wow.
42:42This looks like a hell of a way to go out.
42:45Who will be reading the Tusk?
42:47Joel Domit's going to read the Tusk.
42:49Chuck your duck in your buck.
42:53You must sit on your chair at all times
42:55and you must not touch the ground or anything other
42:58than your chair or duck with any part of your body.
43:02Fastest wins.
43:04OK.
43:05So it says chuck your duck into your buck.
43:07By chuck, we mean put, but that doesn't rhyme with duck.
43:09And by buck, we mean bucket, but we don't mean chuck.
43:12Just put your duck in the bucket.
43:13That's what you've got to do.
43:13Greg, they are under starter's orders and you are the starter.
43:17Three.
43:18Two.
43:18One.
43:20And they're off!
43:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:24He's just the ground.
43:27And Joel's in the lead.
43:29Tekinės!
43:33Kamal's overtaking Joel!
43:38You're almost there!
43:40bisogna, keandek!
43:42And Joel's won.
43:44Kamal's second.
43:46He's almost there!
43:47Oh
44:29I
44:30Mean what an end to the series Joel Domit's had
44:40You came in strong yeah, yeah, I'm better in a soup
44:43I think I think I'm already in you chuck your duck in the buck first
44:46You've got five points and so the final scores of this episode ah
44:50Armando in second place with 20 but the winner with 23 points is Joel Thomas
45:20The time has come once again to crown a new champion
45:26It's been an exceptional series. They all deserve so much respect for their careers outside of this program
45:33But the last 10 weeks have been a pure joy
45:36So now we must find out the final scores with my good good boy
45:45I'm a 47 year old man
45:48So Greg in last place
45:52But not nearly as last place as we thought for quite a long time is Joel Domit with a hundred
45:57and fifty points
46:01Yeah
46:04Just five points ahead of Joel with 155 points. It's Amy Glendhill
46:17160 points to somebody who quibbled more than the others and we love him for it. It's Kamel Nanjani
46:28So here we go
46:30It's someone in the team of two that wins
46:33with 161 points
46:36Our second place person is
46:38Armando Iannucci
46:46And so
46:47And so
46:49The winner got 165 points, Greg
46:51Yes
46:53And that winner is
46:55Joanna Page!
46:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:59The new Test Master Champion is Joanna Page
47:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:08Congratulations
47:10It's yours
47:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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