The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:18American, look at these books.
00:21How to listen to your child.
00:23How to talk to your child.
00:25How to love your child.
00:26You know why I haven't cracked a spine on any of these?
00:30Because the only book I need is right here.
00:33The Bible.
00:34This is the best training manual foreparents ever written.
00:38In 2,000 years, they haven't improved on it.
00:41There's a lot of good stuff in here.
00:43For example, Abraham sacrificing his son Isaac.
00:47I like that.
00:48Moses' mother putting him in a basket and pushing him down a river.
00:52That's on my to-do list.
00:53King Solomon, the widest man in the Bible, said cut a boy in half.
00:59Now, who am I to argue?
01:00America, this is full of good stuff in here.
01:03I'm telling you right now.
01:05Oh, listen.
01:06Listen.
01:07The lion's den.
01:09Mmm.
01:10Now, that sounds good.
01:13This was gnarling.
01:15All of them.
01:23What the?
01:25Jordan!
01:26How many times did I tell you to pick your book back up?
01:31What is this?
01:33Oh, my God.
01:35A juggling Jesus boy?
01:37What's wrong with you?
01:37It's just a joke, Uncle Bernie.
01:39A joke?
01:40So you think Jesus is a joke?
01:42So Jesus is a clown, now.
01:44People hate clowns.
01:45Everybody loves Jesus, Jordan.
01:47Well, he did do a lot of tricks.
01:49Jesus ain't did no...
01:49What are you talking...
01:50He ain't did no tricks.
01:51What are you talking about?
01:52The Bible's full of them.
01:53He raised the dead guy.
01:54He turned water into wine.
01:56Jordan, those ain't no tricks, man.
01:58Those miracles.
01:59Well, then here's my miracle.
02:08Empty cup, juice.
02:16Ta-da!
02:18I'm Jesus.
02:19This is...
02:22I'm Jesus?
02:23Did you hear that blasphemy?
02:25And it didn't stop there.
02:27He said if Jesus and Superman got into a fight,
02:31Superman will win.
02:32Can you believe that?
02:34Superman ain't real.
02:35If I had ever fixed my face
02:38to say such foolishness,
02:40Big Mama would have...
02:41Well, let me show you what would have happened.
02:43Y'all pray for me.
02:46Why I gotta wear a suit?
02:48Jesus is wearing his bathrobe.
02:53Look, Big Mama, I'm an angel.
02:57Can I go...
03:01Big Mama had it right.
03:04Straight them up in the way they should go,
03:05and they should never depart from it.
03:08Jordan just has some religious questions.
03:10I think it's perfectly natural.
03:12Baby, the only question that boy should have is,
03:15how can I serve you better, Jesus?
03:17And I know Jesus' answer.
03:18Honor thy mother and father.
03:20We gotta straighten that boy out.
03:23I don't know, Bernie.
03:24I don't feel comfortable being an authority on this one.
03:28Somebody can teach this boy right for wrong.
03:30If not us, who?
03:33Father Cronin, we just feel
03:35we're a little bit over our heads on this.
03:37You've done the right thing.
03:39This is my calling,
03:40to lead the wayward lambs to the light,
03:43to fill their souls with the love of Jesus,
03:45who died on the cross, bleeding and suffering.
03:47Oh, I found it.
03:48I found it.
03:48I got it right here.
03:49On Deuteronomy 21, 18.
03:51Listen, baby.
03:52If a man hath a stubborn and rebellious son
03:55and will not listen to the voice of his father,
03:58then shall the father and mother,
04:00that's you and me, baby,
04:01lay hold upon him,
04:03and all men in his city shall stone him with stone,
04:06that he shall die.
04:09Baby, we can stone the boy.
04:11God wants to stone the boy.
04:13Blessed be the name, O heavenly Father.
04:15Blessed be the day, O heavenly Father.
04:16Thank you, Lord.
04:20So, you'll go and talk to him?
04:24Be not afraid.
04:25Father Cronin is here.
04:27All right, all right.
04:29The boy got questions.
04:30I told him to ask all the questions he want.
04:33Get it out of the system.
04:35Because if it doesn't work,
04:37it's on the plan B.
04:40Let it be written,
04:41let it be done.
04:44Stone.
04:45But isn't it wrong to wear a cross?
04:47I mean, that's where they executed Jesus.
04:50I mean, what if they executed him some other way?
04:52Would we all wear little electric chairs?
04:55Boy, the cross is the symbol of Christ's love.
04:59The blood and the...
05:05Oh, that's just my friend.
05:07I call him Satan because he's silky and dark.
05:10Now, listen to me, boy.
05:11You think you're slick asking yourself Mark questions
05:14and presenting your fatalistic conundrums.
05:17But just like Saul of Tarsus,
05:19who was blinded on his way to killing a Christian,
05:21you too can be knocked off your flipping horse
05:24if you don't watch it.
05:25Now, what's your question, boy?
05:28Well, during communion, when we eat the host,
05:31that's the body of Christ, right?
05:32Right.
05:33Well, I guess my question is,
05:36doesn't that make us cannibals?
05:38That boy is as godless as a pygmy in the Amazon.
05:41I knew it.
05:42I knew it.
05:42Father, can't you Satan?
05:43It's not up to me.
05:45Mr. Mark,
05:46have you ever heard of a sin cup?
05:49I heard of a what?
05:50A sin cup.
05:52It's a chalice that holds all your iniquities
05:54from your first breath to the last.
05:56The fuller your sin cup is,
05:58the hotter it'll be in hell for you.
06:00Is the boy cup that full?
06:01I'd start praying for the boy now, Mr. Mark,
06:04before he drags the rest of you down with him.
06:09Sin cup?
06:14The boy don't respect nothing.
06:15He don't respect the Catholic Father.
06:17He don't respect the Heavenly Father.
06:18Probably drove away his real father.
06:19Now he ain't gonna send us all to hell.
06:21Something's gotta be done.
06:22I don't know what it is,
06:23but it will be in a biblical proportion.
06:25It will be in a biblical proportion.
06:28Will be.
06:30Well, we were just talking about the Bible.
06:31Only reason I don't grab everybody's little scorny little throat
06:34is because I don't want to be holding you
06:35in a lightning boat here.
06:36But you said I could ask questions.
06:38No, I'm saying stay in your room.
06:39For how long?
06:41Until you memorized this.
06:43But it's not fair.
06:44I didn't do anything.
06:45You tell it to Jesus.
06:55You see this chair, America?
06:57This here is the pilot's chair.
06:59See, I'm not the pilot in this house.
07:02I'm just a co-pilot.
07:03See, God is the pilot in this flight.
07:06And I'm going to tell you why.
07:08When you run into turbulence,
07:09like the kind this boy has been causing,
07:11see, I got God at the controls.
07:14And that leaves me free
07:15to roam about the cabin
07:17dispensing refreshing butt whippers.
07:25Hey, baby girl.
07:28Hey, I already got a cup for you.
07:31No, this is my sink cup.
07:33Your sink cup?
07:35Oh, you heard that, huh?
07:38Well, how about some grape juice
07:39in your sink cup?
07:40No, no, no, no, no.
07:41I got to keep it clean.
07:43It got to be clean.
07:45Okay.
07:46I'm sorry.
07:47I'll go clean it for you.
07:48Okay.
07:50There you go.
07:51All clean.
07:53I'm going to keep it clean
07:54my whole life
07:55because I'm going to heaven.
07:56You sure are, baby girl.
07:57I'm going to ride your coat to you.
07:59Not like that little blasphemer.
08:01Come here.
08:02Oh, let's go to heaven.
08:03Heaven.
08:07Oh, that is a great idea
08:09about keeping your sink cup clean, Brianna.
08:11I know.
08:12Oh, I just wish we could do something
08:15about Uncle Bernie's cup.
08:17What do you mean?
08:18Well, it's just that he is
08:19such a big, fat sinner.
08:22He is?
08:23Are you kidding?
08:24His sink cup could be full by Saturday.
08:27What can we do?
08:30That is a good question.
08:32Let's see what the Bible says,
08:34shall we?
08:43Uncle Bernie!
08:44Uncle Bernie!
08:45Do we have a family Bible?
08:47Up to the junior Bible I gave you.
08:49Well, I mean,
08:50I've used that one
08:51and I think I need something
08:52a little bit more meaty.
08:54Praise the Lord.
08:57Come here.
08:59Here you go, my ignorant servant.
09:03Oh, this is good.
09:05Call that the good book.
09:06It sure is.
09:08It sure is.
09:10What do you know, America?
09:13I planted a seed
09:14and the tree has grown
09:16and that tree
09:18is the tree of knowledge
09:19and now
09:20that little serpent
09:22is eating the fruit.
09:24Now, wait.
09:25That ain't how it goes.
09:27Well, look at the important thing
09:28is that I led the boy
09:30to the way,
09:31the truth,
09:31and the life.
09:32Can I get amen?
09:34Can I get amen?
09:36Amen.
09:39I don't know
09:40we're supposed
09:41to be doing this.
09:43And the Lord
09:44spake unto Moses
09:45that he should
09:46separate himself
09:47from wine
09:48and strong drinks.
09:49Okay.
09:59You're doing the Lord's work here.
10:00His name is sold
10:02and his living.
10:07This is faithful?
10:08Uh-huh.
10:09This is family.
10:10And that's what the seven deadly sins.
10:12We gotta be excellent, thorough in here.
10:13Passed it out.
10:24That smell.
10:27Like liquor.
10:32Johnny Walker.
10:35Black.
10:38Baby girl, what are you doing?
10:41Give me a sink up,
10:42clean Uncle Bernie.
10:43Remembering my proud pictures?
10:45That's adultery, Uncle Bernie.
10:46What?
10:47I think she means idolatry.
10:49You know,
10:50the worship of false idols.
10:51As in the first commandment.
10:53Look at this.
10:56Dizzy, dude.
10:58Why you throwing away
10:59Dizzy Gillespie?
11:00Because you call him a guy.
11:01That's, um,
11:03blasphemy.
11:04Blasphemy.
11:06It's you.
11:08It's you.
11:09No, my hands are clean,
11:10Uncle Bernie.
11:11As clean as your sin cup is now.
11:12Yeah, okay, okay.
11:13You know what I'm talking about.
11:14You're filling baby girl
11:15head up with all that nonsense.
11:16If nonsense you mean
11:17holy scripture,
11:19then yes,
11:19it's true.
11:20I filled it with the spirit.
11:21And once you get the word,
11:23you know,
11:23you gotta spread it.
11:25Oh, well, okay.
11:27Lord,
11:29I've been thy humble servant.
11:32I don't ask for too much, Lord.
11:35But I ask for this one thing,
11:37that you smite the boy,
11:39if it be thy will.
11:50I'm still waiting, Lord.
11:52I don't hear no smiting.
11:55Just a little smite.
11:58Am I the new job?
12:00What's next for me, Lord?
12:02A plague of locusts?
12:04I just planted that, Lord.
12:07What's that I'm feeling, Lord?
12:09Is that a boil?
12:12I got balls, Father.
12:14Where am I gonna get ball cream
12:15this time of night?
12:19Hey, man.
12:21Let me tell you something.
12:22That was some show
12:23you put on this evening.
12:25All that Bible quoting
12:26and that verse of fire,
12:27I was really impressed.
12:28Yeah, I was good, wasn't I?
12:30Man, you got a gift.
12:32I can tell you want to serve the Lord.
12:34Oh, I do, Uncle Bernie, I do.
12:35You know, I knew that.
12:37That's why I arranged for you
12:38to spend two hours at the class
12:40every day with Father Cronin
12:41doing odd jobs around the chapel.
12:43But I don't want to work in the chapel.
12:45Oh, Jordan, come on, man.
12:47You can't hide your light
12:48behind a bushel.
12:49You gotta let it shine,
12:50let it shine.
12:51That's right,
12:52like silver brass on a candlestick.
12:54It'll be a lot for you to shine, too.
12:56Oh, Jordan,
12:57both of us.
12:58Let's praise the Lord.
13:00All I did was read the Bible.
13:01You can't punish me for that.
13:03Son, it's not a punishment.
13:04It's a reward.
13:06Eternal reward.
13:07Yes, sir.
13:08Now, I could punish you,
13:10only if you did something wrong.
13:12Now, let me ask you something, Jordan.
13:14You didn't do anything wrong, did you?
13:17Ah!
13:20You see that?
13:21It's true what they say.
13:23The Lord help those who help himself.
13:30Okay.
13:32Okay.
13:44Hey, baby girl.
13:46Where's your Uncle Bernie?
13:47In the backyard.
13:48Perfect.
13:50Your Aunt Wanda went a little crazy
13:51and bought four pairs of darling shoes.
13:53I have to get them to the closet
13:55before your Uncle sees them.
14:03Hey, baby.
14:04Hey.
14:05What were you?
14:06Oh, I just ran to the market.
14:08No, you didn't.
14:09You brought some new shoes.
14:11Brianna.
14:12Well, you gotta tell the truth,
14:13Aunt Wanda,
14:14before you get a seat in your cup.
14:20Bernie, you're gonna have to talk
14:21to that little Mother Teresa.
14:28Hey, what are you doing?
14:30Stop, you little brat.
14:31I'm gonna kill you.
14:32Let go.
14:33Hey, hey, hey, hey, baby girl.
14:35Stop it.
14:35What's going on here?
14:36She ripped out my book report.
14:39She's the one that's working on a Sunday.
14:41That's Laura's day.
14:42Listen, what your sister does
14:44ain't got no concern of yours.
14:45But Jordan said
14:46we all have to be our brother's keepers.
14:49You know what?
14:49Your brother a false prophet.
14:51You just worry about your own sink cup.
14:53My sink cup is always empty.
14:55You're the ones with dirty sink cups.
14:57Okay, this has gone far enough.
14:59I just want all of us girls
15:00to have them together
15:01because I'll be lonely
15:02up there by myself.
15:05Can I go pray now?
15:07Don't pray.
15:12Okay, Bernie,
15:14you've got to put a stop to this.
15:15I am sick of her.
15:17I was putting on lip gloss
15:18and she called me Jezebel.
15:20Lip gloss?
15:21Where you get lip gloss?
15:21Bernie, baby,
15:22this is serious.
15:24Where is her?
15:35Chapels are from 12 to 3, sir.
15:37You have to leave.
15:38No exceptions.
15:39Look here, Jordan.
15:40I want you to get your stuff
15:41and come on home
15:42and fix your sister.
15:43I want you to undo
15:43the evil that you've done.
15:45Oh, is there a problem at home?
15:47Oh, I think I heard about that.
15:49It's just I'm so rarely there.
15:50Well, I hear you.
15:52Get your stuff
15:53and your punishment is off.
15:55You swear?
15:58I swear.
16:02On this?
16:03Jordan, don't push it.
16:14Now, listen.
16:15I don't want her faith broken
16:16because baby girl believes.
16:18Okay?
16:19She's not a heathen like you.
16:20You understand?
16:21What's the plan?
16:24The problem is I see it.
16:26Bread has to fall from grace.
16:28How are we going to do that?
16:30We're going to go to the first page
16:32of the devil's playbook.
16:35Temptation.
16:37As the Bible says,
16:39let he who is without sin
16:41cast the first stone.
16:43Now, if bread has to sin...
16:44She can't go around
16:45throwing stones at us.
16:47Bingo.
16:49Everyone sins,
16:50everyone wins.
16:51Now, here's the plan.
16:53Shh.
16:56Okay, gang, listen up.
16:57I don't want you to eat these apples.
16:59These are for after dinner tonight.
17:01You got me?
17:03Oh, God.
17:04Those apples smell good.
17:06They look good, too.
17:08I bet they taste even better.
17:09There's only one way to find out.
17:12Hey, can't.
17:13On Wednesday, we're not supposed to.
17:14Oh, I can't resist.
17:16See the canada.
17:18No!
17:20No!
17:41Oh, no, Brianna, you bit the apple?
17:44Oh, no, she wouldn't do that.
17:46Then she'd have a sin in her sin cup.
17:48Oh, baby girl.
17:52Hold on, baby girl.
17:53Hold on now.
17:54I sin!
18:00Uh-oh.
18:05I sin!
18:06My cup is dirty!
18:07My sin cup is dirty!
18:08Now I'm going to hell with all of you!
18:11Sweetheart, you're not going to hell.
18:12Nobody's going to hell, okay?
18:14But I sin!
18:15We all sin, sweetheart.
18:16That's why we ask the Lord to forgive us for our sins.
18:19But my sin cup is not clean!
18:21Yes, it is, sweetheart.
18:22When you ask the Lord to forgive you,
18:23He'll forgive you for your sin,
18:24and your cup is clean.
18:27I didn't want to sin my cup.
18:29I want it to stay clean.
18:34You see that?
18:35It's all your fault.
18:36It was His fault.
18:38Taking the Lord's name in vain.
18:41Using the Bible like some kind of terrorist manual.
18:44Just ain't no hope for that boy.
18:47And now we lost baby girl.
18:50This sin is a message which we have heard of Him
18:53and declared to you,
18:55that God is light,
18:56and in Him is no darkness at all.
18:59If we confess our sins,
19:01He is faithful and just to forgive us.
19:03What does that mean?
19:04It means all you have to say is,
19:06I'm sorry, Jesus,
19:07and He'll forgive you.
19:09Really?
19:10Yeah.
19:11Why?
19:16This is my sin cup.
19:18It's not as full as I thought it would be.
19:21Right.
19:22Now all I have to do is confess my sins like this.
19:26Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
19:28It's been a week since my last confession,
19:31and I have burned countless ants.
19:33I just cannot seem to stop myself.
19:36I've tried to make cotton candy in the clothes dryer.
19:39I think I've ruined some clothes.
19:41And especially forgive me for hurting Uncle Bertie's feelings
19:44and ruining his death.
19:46And I also made fun of the Bible.
19:48I shouldn't have done that.
19:50And then there's that thing I did last week.
19:53That's still going on.
19:55Then I take my sin cup like this.
20:03And all my sins are washed away.
20:07Here, this could be a thing cup now.
20:10It's nice and clean.
20:11So God knows I'm sorry?
20:13Baby girl, God knows everything.
20:16So does he know I want another candy apple?
20:21Somewhere deep down in that boy's soul,
20:23he knows the right way to go.
20:25Y'all pray for me, America,
20:27and I appreciate it.
20:29Now I can relax a little.
20:35You see, Jesus turned water into wine.
20:38Now I'm going to turn this wine back into water.
20:44America, cut the camera off.
21:10You at home, y'all sing with me.
21:13Put your chair up.
21:15If you're in the bed, you got one leg,
21:17hop to the tunnel.
21:18Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Comments