The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:17American, I want to make this perfectly clear.
00:20Not all black people are alike.
00:22Take me and my wife, for example.
00:24Yeah, we both like fried chicken and the Commodores.
00:27We need lotion, stuff like that.
00:29But we came up different.
00:31When I was a boy, big mommies hit me so hard, made my teeth click.
00:35I mean, I got my ass whooped.
00:38Beat'ins.
00:39Now, Wanda's house, family meet'ins.
00:43Sweetheart, I'm very disappointed in you.
00:45See, I didn't get all that talking, too.
00:47And I'm not complaining, but it made me a better man.
00:50I mean, I don't tolerate nonsense just like none was tolerated for me.
00:54Now, Wanda, on the other hand, she's soft, lenient.
00:59She go too easy on the kids.
01:01Now, I'm not saying we should beat them, although, you know, I'm just saying, we're different.
01:08So, if Shelly finds out Donna kissed Daniel and Donna shows up, girl, at Shelly's party, it's gonna be a
01:14misunderstanding for sure.
01:15Ooh, really?
01:17There.
01:18Wow.
01:19All done.
01:21Vanessa.
01:21Vanessa, I love my hair like this.
01:25Girl, you could really make some money on the side.
01:28Thanks.
01:29Hey, I'll give you the family discount.
01:31What's that?
01:3250 bones.
01:33Ah!
01:35It's cute, but not that cute.
01:37Y'all got jokes.
01:38What's so funny?
01:40How come I can't know?
01:41Come on, tell me.
01:42I want to laugh.
01:45Baby, your hair is awful.
01:49What?
01:51Thank you, sweetie.
01:53Bigfoot.
01:54What?
01:54What did I say?
01:56Look, baby, I find your panties on top of the washer.
01:58You can't leave your drawers out no more.
02:00We got kids.
02:01Baby, those are Vanessa's.
02:03What?
02:05These?
02:07Wanda, what kind of 14-year-old girl walk around with panty phones like this?
02:11All the kids are wearing them.
02:12They're cute.
02:13Yeah, if you plan on being a teenage mama.
02:15Look here, Wanda.
02:16I ain't bringing no more kids up in this house.
02:18First of all, Bernie, I bought those for her.
02:21She wanted something that she could wear underneath certain outfits so you wouldn't see her panty lines.
02:26Panty line?
02:27Panty line.
02:29Okay, Wanda, what's next?
02:30If she want her belly pierced, you gonna allow that?
02:33That's gonna be fine with you?
02:34Along with a tattoo?
02:35Oh, that'd be great.
02:36Or add a tattoo and dye her hair pink.
02:39That'd be fine with you?
02:40Along with smoke and crack?
02:42You got some nerve questioning my judgment.
02:46You cuss in front of those kids.
02:48No, I don't.
02:48You suck on cigars in front of those kids.
02:50You drink.
02:51You gamble.
02:52I never bought nothing inappropriate for those kids.
02:55Oh, really?
02:57Well, how about the time you told Jordan that you would buy him a woman for his birthday?
03:06Stole pigeon.
03:07I was just testing the boy.
03:09America, he's soft.
03:11I just wanted to see if he's gonna take the bait.
03:14Said he'd rather have an easy-bake oven.
03:15It's not about me.
03:16It's about you.
03:17And you giving in to those kids too doggone much.
03:19But this time, Wanda, you went too far.
03:21Nessa ain't going out this house with those things on.
03:23Fine.
03:25Okay, fine.
03:26Well, it's settled.
03:27So you go in there and you tell her.
03:29Psh.
03:35Psh.
03:43What?
03:48Nessa.
03:50Nessa.
03:52I don't want you wearing no thong bloomers that your auntie bought for you.
03:57Look here, Nessa.
03:58I'm not gonna argue with you about it.
04:00It's just not proper for a girl your age to be wearing panty thongs.
04:04And it's not proper for you to be wearing those shiny shirts either.
04:07But do I say anything to you?
04:09Shining?
04:12Look, Nessa.
04:13Please.
04:14You can please all you want.
04:15I'm not raising no hoochie girl up in this house.
04:17Is Aunt Wanda hoochie?
04:19She wears thong panties.
04:21Well, how the heck do you know Joe when I want to wear old people, Tom?
04:24You stop, uh, I'll deal with you.
04:25Hoochie, hoochie, hoochie, hoochie, hoochie, hoochie, hoochie.
04:28I hate you.
04:29You can hate me all you want.
04:30But I want you to get rid of those panty thongs today.
04:33Jordan, please let girls sit down.
04:35You hear me, Nessa?
04:36Today.
04:37Hoochie, hoochie, hoochie, hoochie, hoochie, hoochie.
04:43That's too small.
04:45I can't break it up.
04:47Where you going, Eve?
04:48I told her she can go to Shelly's house and burn some CDs for her party tomorrow night.
04:53That pigeon-toe girl up the street?
04:55Yes, Bernie.
04:56Vanessa, have fun.
04:59Vanessa, are you...
05:07Tell Shelly's mother I said hello.
05:10I just wanted to tell you that while you were playing games...
05:12Oh, I saw that.
05:14I don't know what they said, but I saw this.
05:17And I have a very scientific method for breaking down you ladies' secret communication, which
05:22I'm not in liberty to discuss.
05:25But I saw that.
05:26You saw it.
05:28We saw it together.
05:29What was that all about?
05:31What was what?
05:31You know what was what.
05:32You can act dumb all you want to.
05:34Nessa did this, then you did this.
05:36She skipped her happy ass on out of here.
05:38What did you say to her?
05:39That's not the gun.
05:43Okay, baby.
05:44We're gonna sit right here until you tell me.
05:46What did you say, Wanda?
05:49She was wearing the thong underwear, okay?
05:51Oh, Wanda, you knew all about it.
05:54You let her go out of here like that?
05:56Cahoots.
05:57It was just a little secret between us girls.
06:00It can't be no secret, baby.
06:02Well, I'm trying to teach her right from wrong.
06:04Ain't no wiggle room with right from wrong.
06:07Can we have a cookie?
06:08No.
06:08Just one each.
06:09Thanks.
06:13See?
06:14You know what?
06:15Bernie, I'm not their mother.
06:17You know, I like being the fun auntie.
06:19See, just like those panty-thons.
06:21You got these kids thinking they run the show around here.
06:23No.
06:24I just don't think there's anything wrong with those underwear.
06:27But I do.
06:28And I feel strongly about it.
06:29That should be enough.
06:34I never looked at it like that.
06:36Well, that's the way it's supposed to be.
06:37See, you got Dessa walking around here like,
06:39she don't respect my rules because you don't.
06:42You supposed to help me lay down the law around here.
06:44You got to help me.
06:47Are you with me?
06:50Yeah.
06:52We know you went out with those thorn panties after I told you not to.
06:56And just for that, young lady, you grounded for a week.
06:59But I miss Shelly's party, and that's not fair.
07:02I wanted to...
07:06Your uncle made a rule, and he feels strong about it.
07:09And I have to respect that.
07:12So you're letting him punish me?
07:16We're punishing you.
07:22She'll probably never forgive me.
07:24That's nonsense.
07:26She'll get over it.
07:27But the most important thing, we created a united front.
07:31And that's the way it got to be.
07:32United, we stand.
07:33Divided, we get played.
07:36Come on, baby.
07:37Walk proud.
07:38You're part of the united front.
07:51America, this is a map of Max Universe.
07:55These are the world's trouble spots.
07:57The country of joy.
07:59The little tiny island of Brianna.
08:01And the evilest nation of all of them, Vanessa City.
08:05The hot spot that make up an excess of evil.
08:08Now, ever since my wife got back in the way she did,
08:12I feel that we've formed an alliance.
08:15Something like the United Nations,
08:18which I call the united front.
08:20Unified for the sole purpose of bringing peace and harmony to the world.
08:24Now, let's move on.
08:26You got the country of Jordan, the tiny island of Brianna.
08:30Now, don't go here.
08:32This won't be a vacation.
08:37Can we go swimming?
08:38No.
08:39Oh, why not?
08:41Clean your room like I told you to?
08:42No.
08:43Well, that's why.
08:45I want to carry.
08:46I'll clean my room after.
08:50Clean your room first.
08:53Mrs. Bigfoot.
08:54Don't just stand there.
08:55March.
08:57Poopy head.
09:00What did she just call me?
09:02Oh, you put me here, baby.
09:04Here's a chance to dance our way
09:07Out of our constriction
09:12Call the beat freaking
09:13Up and down
09:15The hang-up alleyway
09:19With a groove I only got
09:21We shall all be moved
09:27Ready or not
09:29Here we come
09:31Getting down hard
09:34The one which we believe in
09:38Can I get it on my foot?
09:40Good God
09:41Oh, it's a puppet
09:43I'll come against now
09:44One night
09:45We're on the moon
09:46I think it's up
09:59America
10:00The United Front is working
10:01Better than I ever could have imagined
10:03And I love it
10:04And now that Wanda's taking up
10:06Some of the slack
10:07I have more energy than ever
10:10Energy for days
10:12Think I'm gonna celebrate
10:14With my closest ally
10:22Why don't you put on that side now
10:23For the light
10:26I hate the United Front
10:30Yeah, baby, but it's working
10:33Yeah, they can't play us
10:35Yeah, well, they can't stand us
10:37Anymore either
10:39Brionna ignores me
10:41Vanessa hates me
10:42And Jordan told his friend
10:44That we're not really related
10:45I'm just this
10:46Aren't they marriage?
10:48That's because you're Great Britain
10:50They're the Falkland Island
10:51Now I know you ain't gonna let
10:53No Falkland kids
10:54Break you down
10:57Yeah, but now they think
10:58I'm an idiot like you
11:09I, uh
11:11Don't suppose you wanna go
11:12To the mall with me
11:14But I'm not off punishment
11:15Until tomorrow
11:17He won't know
11:17He took your brother and sister
11:19To play miniature golf
11:20So they won't be back for hours
11:23Thanks, Aunt Wanda
11:23Mm-hmm
11:24You're welcome
11:28Um, just somebody I knew
11:30Mm-hmm
11:31Nice
11:33Man, I love this car
11:34I hate riding in Bernie's pimp mobile
11:37Yeah, convertible is the way to go
11:40One day, I'm gonna get a car
11:42Just like this one
11:43I can't wait until I can drive
11:47What?
11:48Maybe I can teach you
11:49To drive?
11:50For real?
11:51Yeah
11:51I mean, you know
11:52We can find like an empty lot on Sunday
11:54My parents taught me how to drive
11:56When I was your age
11:57I think it's perfectly okay
12:00Except for we can't tell you, Uncle Bird
12:07So who was that boy
12:08You were smiling kind of hard
12:10Nah
12:11Let's move on
12:12Yeah
12:14Yeah, for being grounded
12:16You sure got a mile out of bags now
12:17Just a handbag
12:19And a new pair of shoes
12:20Thank you
12:22Babe, she's supposed to be grounded
12:23She is
12:24We were only out for two seconds
12:26Grounded me, no seconds
12:28We weren't really out
12:29I didn't want to leave her here alone
12:31I needed some pantyhose
12:32Wanda, you and I had an agreement
12:34We're supposed to be working together on this thing
12:36Bernie
12:37What makes your way so great?
12:39I mean, you treat people like they're not even civilized
12:42They're not civilized
12:43Not even people
12:43We're talking about kids
12:45Bad
12:45Rotten to the core
12:46You give them an inch
12:48They're gonna take a mile
12:49These kids here
12:50They're gonna take two miles
12:51Trust me, honey
12:52I know what I'm talking about
12:53I'm sorry
12:54I'm not that cynical
12:55Okay, fine
12:56Fine
12:57Let me tell you something, Wanda
12:59You're gonna do on your own this time, okay?
13:01And don't expect me to get your back
13:02A matter of fact
13:03I'm kicking you out the United Front
13:05Good
13:06Okay, good
13:07That means you handle the kids by yourself
13:09Solo
13:10Whatever
13:11I'm gonna tell you what
13:12Whatever got to do with it, okay?
13:13Don't expect to enjoy the protection
13:15Bernie
13:15I don't care
13:18I
13:18I
13:18Don't
13:19Care
13:24Care
13:25Don't get you nowhere
13:25She'll care
13:26You'll see
13:28You'll see
13:29You'll see
13:29She'll be sorry
13:30She'll no longer enjoy the protection
13:33Or the United Front
13:34Meaning she had to control all three territories by herself
13:38Ha!
13:39I now consider her a rogue state
13:41Meaning she don't own
13:43Alone
13:44Fit for yourself
13:46I don't care
13:47I'm through
13:49Gone
13:5086
13:52Peace out
13:53Yeah
13:54We'll see
13:55See ya
13:57Don't wanna be ya
14:03I wonder
14:04I'm thirsty
14:05Can I have some apple juice?
14:08No
14:08It's late
14:09I want you to go to sleep
14:11Of course you can have some juice, sugar
14:15I'll be right back
14:21See now
14:22I could explain at that point that you can't give baby girl juice before bed
14:27Cause it's run through her like seven up through a straighter
14:30But a rogue state is not allowed access to the database of the United Front
14:35I could have told her
14:37But I wasn't being selfish
14:40These are the rules
14:45Uncle Bernie?
14:47Well sweetheart
14:48I want the bag
14:50I need no problem
14:54Honey, that's for you
14:55Yeah
14:57It's okay
15:00Oh
15:04Stop, Jordan
15:06You are kicking me
15:08Hey!
15:09Hey!
15:09Hey!
15:10Hey!
15:10Hey!
15:11Hey!
15:11Hey!
15:11Hey!
15:11Hey!
15:12Hey!
15:12He's on the dresser, honey
15:16George
15:17If you swing that club one more time
15:18I'm gonna do my best to knock you in the next week
15:20Put this shoe on Brianna and stop playing
15:22I'm not playing with you
15:28See
15:29A rogue state's threats are empty
15:32As they're not backed up by the strength of a superpower
15:35That would be me
15:40I'm gonna go put this in the mirror
15:45A rogue state does not enjoy the protection of its boundaries.
15:51Sorry.
15:51See?
15:53Stupid.
15:54Ow!
15:55Oh my god!
15:57Oh my god!
15:58Hey!
15:58Get in my closet!
15:59Oh my god!
16:01No!
16:02No!
16:03No!
16:03Get in!
16:04No!
16:05Come on!
16:07And finally, a rogue state does not enjoy the protection of its boundaries.
16:11Come on!
16:11Enjoy the peacekeeping efforts of the United Front.
16:15Anything I tell us?
16:17Hey!
16:19Yeah!
16:25Shut up.
16:31Who wants pizza?
16:32Pizza!
16:33Pizza!
16:36Aren't you coming?
16:37No.
16:38I'm grounded, remember?
16:39And besides, I hate watching pizza.
16:42He always puts the sausages on his eyes and pretends he's dead.
16:45He's so stupid.
16:47Alright.
16:47We'll be back soon.
16:48Come on.
16:51Come on.
16:51Come on.
16:52Come on.
17:03Come on.
17:03Boy, say excuse me.
17:04I smell pepperoni.
17:06Oh.
17:08Hey, Wanda, babe.
17:09Look, that lady got a car just like yours.
17:11Oh, look at her.
17:12I'm a bite my style.
17:13Yeah, that's a young girl, too.
17:16Yeah, the way you became an old lady to get you one.
17:19That girl got to be Vanessa's age.
17:25Wait a minute.
17:36What the hell is your problem?
17:39What on earth made you think you could take my car?
17:42Well, you said you were going to teach me to drive anyway, so...
17:45I said maybe we can drive in an empty lot with me there!
17:49I told you.
17:51You give them an inch, they take a mile.
17:53I only went around the block.
17:55A quarter mile.
17:56Look, it's your mess, you clean it up.
18:00United Fronts, we take no prisoners.
18:04Are you crazy?
18:06Do you use your brain?
18:08Oh, I'm so mad I could...
18:12You could have killed somebody.
18:14But...
18:14But nothing!
18:15Your best bet is to keep your mouth shut.
18:19Go to your room until I say come out.
18:22Can't even look at you anymore.
18:42I really lost my temper.
18:44No.
18:45I yelled at her, then I told her I didn't want to look at her anymore, and then I sent
18:49her
18:49to her room.
18:50Wow, baby.
18:51That ain't like you.
18:52I mean, that's cold.
18:54I know.
18:54Cruel.
18:55Heartless.
18:56But I'm proud of you.
18:58I mean, my baby back in the front.
19:01Congratulations.
19:11I, uh, brought you some pizza.
19:15I didn't think you were speaking to me.
19:19I, uh, wanted to tell you a story.
19:23I wrecked my parents' car when I was a little older than you.
19:28No way.
19:29Yeah.
19:30I had just gotten my driver's permit, and I was practicing with a friend.
19:35What happened?
19:36I just gave it a little gas, and I had on a pair of candies.
19:41You know, the ones with the wooden heels?
19:42They had candies back then?
19:44Eww, it was not that long ago.
19:50Anyway, the heel hit the paddle, and bam, smack, right into the mailbox.
19:56Woo, it was my mama mad.
20:01We all make mistakes, Vanessa.
20:04But you can't do stuff like this.
20:08Otherwise, how can I trust you?
20:10And more importantly, how can I get your Uncle Bernie to trust you?
20:16I know.
20:17It was stupid.
20:18Mm-hmm.
20:20So, is that it?
20:21Hell, no, that's not it.
20:23You're grounded.
20:24Two weeks.
20:25No TV, no phone, no Internet.
20:31You heard me.
20:34I'm sorry.
20:36Two weeks.
20:37I wanted.
20:38Mm-hmm.
20:47That's not how you're supposed to act if you're part of the United Front.
20:51She is back in the front, isn't she?
20:54Or maybe she's just revolutionary, like Angela Davis.
20:58What?
20:59She gonna grow a big afro next?
21:04She ain't never laughing, I'll punish her.
21:06And a hug is out of the question, even on a good day.
21:11America, how is that fair?
21:13That ain't fair.
21:15Cut the cat wrong.
21:17Gonna grow a big natural.
21:19Cut it off.
21:22You know I'm right, America.
21:25She talking about this shirt is slick.
21:28Forget her.
21:30Little heifer.
21:31Shoot.
21:33All I need is a hat, wireframe glasses,
21:36deuce in the quarter,
21:39and a white woman, and a Chinese woman,
21:41and a Mexican.
21:42Such a guy to Walt.
21:51Cut.
21:52Cut.
21:54Cut.
21:55Cut.
21:55Cut.
21:57Cut.
21:58You
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