Chappelle's Show changed comedy forever 😂🔥 Created by and starring Dave Chappelle, this groundbreaking sketch comedy series delivered unforgettable characters, sharp social satire, and some of the most quoted comedy moments in television history. A true comedy classic that remains influential years later.
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FunTranscript
00:03The End
00:31Damn, that was nice.
00:33Thanks, y'all.
00:35Oh, be comfortable. Relax, everyone.
00:37Thanks for coming out, man.
00:38You guys are just so nice.
00:40Make it feel good having your own TV show.
00:43That's a good thing, man.
00:44You have your own show.
00:45There's all these opportunities just open up.
00:47Like recently, I'm not bragging,
00:50QVC, I don't know if you're watching,
00:51they offer me my own line of clothing.
00:55Now, I almost did it.
00:56The only reason I didn't do it
00:58is not because I don't like their products.
01:00As much as I just don't like
01:01the way they conduct themselves on the network,
01:03they're just gross, man.
01:04They're just nasty people.
01:06I don't know if you watched it.
01:07This was on just last night.
01:08We taped it just for the show.
01:10Look at this. It's disgusting.
01:13Okay, I am being told
01:14our napkin ring bonanza is over.
01:17We are totally sold out.
01:18Now, Ron, you are actually wearing
01:20our next product,
01:22a beautiful Time Co. Gold wristwatch.
01:24I am, Jessica.
01:25Now, not only is this watch attractive,
01:27it keeps incredible time.
01:29Ron, I think you have a booger on your hand.
01:34You're right, Jessica.
01:36I do.
01:39You better get rid of it
01:40before one of our customers bids on it.
01:42I'll start the bidding at $9.95.
01:46Sold.
01:49You dick.
01:52Pretty damn bad, huh?
01:54Gets worse.
01:56Look at this one.
01:58Okay, now I'm hearing we've got to move on
01:59to our next product.
02:01Now, we have a beautiful set
02:03of cubic zirconia earrings
02:04that one of our models, Tammy,
02:06is modeling.
02:06Ooh, very nice.
02:09Oh, Tammy.
02:11Looks like someone's having a herpes outbreak.
02:15It's not genital herpes.
02:17It's just a cold sore.
02:19No, that's genital herpes.
02:21Believe me, I should know.
02:23I've had it since 1979.
02:24Remember that place?
02:27I don't know where they get them models from.
02:30Now, this next one,
02:32this one made me actually want to spit up.
02:35Observe.
02:36Okay, our sportswear tsunami
02:38continues to gather strength.
02:40We have more ladies' bathing suits.
02:42This is a beautiful bikini on Bonnie.
02:45Whoa!
02:46Look at how full of...
02:48It's a jungle down there.
02:50Ooh!
02:52G Jane, G Harry.
02:55The lugs don't quite match the drapes.
02:57Have you noticed that?
03:02Those fucking jokes in here, you know.
03:04That just looks so nasty, doesn't it?
03:07What would you do if you seen that like you was...
03:09Would you run?
03:11Most niggas would be like,
03:12Ah!
03:17Got to do what I got to do, son.
03:20We all have our faults, you know.
03:23Now, you guys...
03:24I don't know if you guys are big movie buffs,
03:27but I collect DVDs.
03:28For God's sakes, pick this one up.
03:3325 years ago,
03:36an epic motion picture was unleashed on America,
03:39considered one of the most important films in history.
03:43We are now proud to release this masterpiece on DVD
03:47for the very first time.
03:49This one-of-a-kind 25th anniversary commemorative edition
03:53features extras including cast interviews,
03:56director commentary,
03:57and never-before-seen outtakes.
04:00Kizzy, behold!
04:02The only thing greater than yourself!
04:05Oh!
04:06Oh!
04:08Oh, I'm sorry!
04:10I told y'all not to give me a real baby!
04:14He's pissing all over me!
04:15Catch all the gags,
04:17spills,
04:18and hilarious practical jokes.
04:20I'm going to go to carry me home.
04:26Your name is Toby!
04:30Kunta Kinte.
04:35I said your name is Toby!
04:40Kunta Kinte.
04:42Damn!
04:44Steve!
04:45What'd I say about hitting so hard, man?
04:47I'm sorry.
04:48Are you all right?
04:49I'm sorry.
04:50I'm going to show you signs, man.
04:51I'm going to show you signs, bro.
04:53I'm going to show you signs, bro.
04:57I told y'all you're scaring me.
05:04Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
05:06Let me get up there.
05:08The Loops,
05:1025th anniversary commemorative edition on DVD.
05:14Including our wall bar.
05:16We'll be right back with more Sympathia.
05:18Don't go, don't go anywhere.
05:22Hey, hey, welcome back.
05:29Y'all know this is not my first show.
05:32Did you know that?
05:34No, I've had several attempts, man.
05:37I actually, my first, my first show that ever got on the air was the Ill-Fated Buddies on ABC.
05:43The thing that was wrong with that show was it was just irrelevant and not funny.
05:48About me having a white friend, like, how incredible.
05:52Look at them talking and laughing together.
05:55And then I did a show after that that almost got to the air, but then I got sued because
06:00it was a reality show.
06:02It was raw and gritty.
06:04You know one of them hidden camera shows?
06:07Like, totally hidden video or something like this.
06:09Mine was like that, but it was just, it was raw.
06:12Like life.
06:14I didn't want to hit them soft.
06:15Mine was supposed to be hard and real.
06:18So, I've got some clips.
06:20I'll show you.
06:22Coming this fall on the WB.
06:24Look out, Jamie Kennedy.
06:26There's a new video prankster in town.
06:28And he goes by the name Dave Chappelle.
06:31Zap!
06:33Watch the look on these kids' faces when Dave tells them their parents are dead.
06:37How you kids doing?
06:40Help.
06:41Kids, doctor's job is hard.
06:43It never gets harder than telling you guys that your parents are dead.
06:58Foster care is coming to pick you guys up.
07:00If somebody's going to adopt you right like this, I would.
07:03All right, guys.
07:04Be good.
07:05Be good to each other.
07:06Hopefully they don't split you up.
07:07All right.
07:08Take care.
07:09Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you.
07:12Psych!
07:13I'm just kidding.
07:14Come on out, Mom and Dad.
07:15Come on out.
07:16Why didn't you do this to us?
07:20Yeah, I've been zapped.
07:23Look out, America, because when Dave Chappelle's around, you might get zapped.
07:32Julie!
07:33What up, playboy?
07:35Damn it.
07:35How could you do this to me?
07:38You've wasted eight years of my life!
07:40Oh, come on, man.
07:41Well, that's shouting.
07:42Oh, you should have.
07:45Geez, Julie.
07:46Why don't you just fuck JJ?
07:49JJ?
07:50I ain't JJ, but it was Dino Mike!
07:55Well, we're on the subject.
07:57I've been sleeping with my secretary for the last three and a half years.
08:00What?
08:02This wasn't real.
08:03This was fake!
08:04Well, what's that in his pants?
08:06It's a dildo, dog.
08:09Oh, you have been zapped.
08:13Oh, Chappelle.
08:14You have ruined my life.
08:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:23Now, the next one is the one that really got me in a lot more trouble.
08:27This is when the heat got turned up.
08:29Observe.
08:34All right, everybody, get on the fucking floor.
08:36This is a robbery.
08:38Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, stay school there, cab.
08:41Stay cool.
08:42Don't you move, baby.
08:43You got 20 seconds.
08:44Fill this bag with cash.
08:46I don't want to see a peep out of you.
08:48Hey, big time, what you looking in my face for?
08:50That's against the protocol of robbery.
08:52You think it's a fucking game?
08:53Shoot this motherfucker.
08:54It's a joke, mother...
08:55Ah!
09:04Please, I have a family.
09:06Oh, you got a family?
09:08Well, guess what?
09:09I eat cottage cheese for dinner, all right?
09:11With salt and pepper.
09:12You understand?
09:14Now, I'm getting out of here.
09:15I just want to tell y'all something.
09:18You've been zapped.
09:24Freeze right there.
09:26Look, we're just doing a shot.
09:28Oh!
09:30Damn, I got hit.
09:33I didn't have nothing to do with that.
09:36Sorry.
09:38Be prepared to get zapped, Thursdays at 8.30, this fall, on the WB.
09:44My me!
09:46Oh!
09:50What, I can't make fun of that fucking frog?
09:54Fuck that frog.
09:56They're going to be doing that on white networks as soon as the black network.
09:58And the number WB!
10:01I like chicken.
10:06That's the most racist shit ever.
10:09Welcome back, niggers!
10:12For the WB!
10:15Hey, don't go anywhere.
10:16We'll be right back with more of this Chappelle Show.
10:19Yes.
10:20Yes, we will.
10:32Welcome back.
10:37This next piece is from my masterpiece, Theater Archives.
10:41It's actually dedicated to women who don't appreciate their God-given assets.
10:47I tell you ladies, especially y'all at home watching, appreciate your bodies for what they
10:52are, because you never know who might be liking them.
11:02What's with all the stretching?
11:03Oh, you know, the old adage, big boobs, bad back.
11:07Yeah.
11:08All set?
11:09I'm a little worried.
11:10I didn't have a clean sports bra, so I had to wear a regular one.
11:13You'll be fine.
11:14Let's go.
11:19Don't worry, Sheila.
11:20I'm sure nobody notices.
11:22Really?
11:22Yeah.
11:23Look at that lady.
11:24Yeah, her presumes are like bouncing around and everything.
11:27They're not talking about you.
11:29Sweet Jesus.
11:29Did you see the jugs on that brunette?
11:31Yeah.
11:33I'm gonna go in.
11:34Sheila, it's okay.
11:35It's not okay.
11:38It's not okay.
11:41Stupid boobs.
11:43Nothing but an inconvenience.
11:46I wish I didn't have them.
11:53Careful what you wish for.
11:55What the f...
11:56Who are you?
11:57Who I am is not important.
11:59But what you said about those titties...
12:02Ears.
12:04Follow me.
12:08It's easy.
12:09Try it.
12:11Hey, that's me.
12:12And that's Frank, the human resources man at my office.
12:15He's always slobbering over me.
12:17Not today.
12:18So that's why I think I'm qualified for the promotion.
12:22Yeah.
12:23Well, um...
12:24We'll see.
12:26Why is he being so dismissive?
12:30What happened to my boobs?
12:34Oh, you just answered your own question.
12:37Them bobbies is gone, girl.
12:39Just like you wished for.
12:41How did it go?
12:42Not well.
12:43That woman was a flat-chested boar.
12:45Our clients will never respond to her.
12:47For Pete's sake, she's got no melons.
12:50So should I tell her she's not getting the promotion?
12:54Yes.
12:55In fact, tell that titless freak she's fired.
12:58Oh, I'm honest.
12:59Oh, are guys really like that?
13:02No.
13:03My guy friends aren't like that.
13:08Booyaka!
13:09Hey, look, it's Paul.
13:11He's always been so helpful to me.
13:13Such a loyal friend.
13:16Hey, buddy.
13:18I have a painting I need to hang up in my bedroom.
13:20Do you think you could help?
13:21Wow, I didn't even know we were buddies.
13:23I always thought I was your personal handyman
13:26because you're constantly asking me for favors
13:28that I don't want to do.
13:29You know what you need?
13:30A new set of titties and a boyfriend.
13:33You need to be all set, all right?
13:37What's gotten into him?
13:39Well, it's not what's gotten into him
13:41as much as it is what's gotten out of you.
13:44And by that, of course,
13:45I mean your massive milk bladders.
13:47Oh, wait!
13:48I still have big boobs.
13:50He can't see you.
13:51We'll see about that.
13:57He can't see you,
13:58but my black ass got 20, 20 vision.
14:00God damn, Sheila!
14:02You men are the worst!
14:04You're right.
14:05Oh, my gosh, Sheila, you are right.
14:08Women, the fairer sex,
14:09they would never, ever judge another woman
14:11by the size of her boobies, now would they?
14:15Mazel tov!
14:18Hey, wait, those are my friends.
14:21Oh, word.
14:22Where's Sheila?
14:24Wasn't she supposed to be a bridesmaid?
14:26Oh, I was gonna have her be one.
14:27Then I thought, am I getting bridesmaids?
14:30Starting an itty-bitty titty committee.
14:33Oh!
14:36I didn't even invite her to my wedding.
14:38Oh, snap!
14:42How could she do that?
14:45Because your friends are bitches.
14:47Besides, Sheila,
14:49even girls love girls with huge tats.
14:52Special wedding.
14:54You any friends gotta have somebody sleeping?
14:56I had no idea these things were so important.
14:59Oh, keep it real, girl.
15:00Them things are lifesavers.
15:02Listen, I don't want to put this on you,
15:04but the fate of the world.
15:06You hear me?
15:07The world.
15:08Rest on them chesticles.
15:13Hey!
15:15Hey, where do I know that crazy guy from?
15:18He used to live next door to you.
15:21You know, masturbating to you
15:22and those giant cans of yours
15:23was all he had to live for.
15:26Once he took that away,
15:27he lost his mind and blew up the world.
15:30Thanks a lot, Sheila.
15:31No!
15:32No!
15:32I don't want the world to end.
15:35He's just because of my sweater puppet.
15:38Oh, that's a beautiful thought.
15:40You should have thought about that
15:41before you wished them sweet tits away.
15:44The world's gonna end in about 10 seconds,
15:46which is just enough time to suck a titty,
15:50but where would I find the titty from?
15:52I don't...
15:52Hey, it's Sheila.
15:59Oh!
16:07You've taught me a valuable lesson today.
16:11I'm never going to curse my fun bags again.
16:15In fact, I might even get implants.
16:19All right.
16:21You listen, world.
16:23I've got humongoid knockers,
16:26and I'm proud of them!
16:32Thanks, mister.
16:34You must be an angel or something.
16:37Angel?
16:37I ain't no angel.
16:39I'm a janitor.
16:42Then how did you show me all those places?
16:45Girl, I am high on PCP.
16:48I'm gonna ask you how he was following me.
16:51He smoked sugar.
16:52A little sugar.
16:53Now, uh, who are you?
16:56I'm just a nigga that love titties.
16:59Have a good day, miss.
17:07All right, everybody.
17:08We'll take a quick commercial break
17:09so you guys can throw up
17:10or do whatever you have to do,
17:11and then we'll be back
17:12with more Chappelle Show.
17:14Hooray!
17:20Man, I'm bored.
17:22I gotta go to the Chappelle Show.
17:25To my audience here,
17:26my audience at home,
17:27God bless you all, man.
17:28God bless America.
17:29I'm out!
17:33Rich, biatch!
17:35Hi, thank you.
17:41Now I gotta get up,
17:42wash all this blood off me,
17:44and still get to the club
17:45before last call
17:46because it's Friday night.
17:52WB!
17:54WB?
17:55Man, you told me this
17:56was for HBO, man.
17:59I'm dying for no damn WB.
18:01Look, it's Paul.
18:02He's always been so helpful to me.
18:04He's such a loyal friend.
18:06Word.
18:08I'm sorry, well, listen,
18:09what'd you say
18:09I had some titties on my neck?
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