Chappelle's Show changed comedy forever ππ₯ Created by and starring Dave Chappelle, this groundbreaking sketch comedy series delivered unforgettable characters, sharp social satire, and some of the most quoted comedy moments in television history. A true comedy classic that remains influential years later.
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FunTranscript
00:26And ladies, excuse me.
00:30Man, y'all.
00:32My album collection just keeps growing.
00:35I just got that 50 cent.
00:36Damn!
00:38It's hot!
00:40He got the streets on fire.
00:42And it's them mixtapes, too.
00:44That's how he came up, them mixtapes.
00:46But you know what it is?
00:47Now that he came out with them mixtapes and that DVD he had and his album,
00:51now everybody's trying to do it.
00:53So it's like record labels is just signing anybody from the streets
00:56thinking it's going to be the next 50 cents.
00:58It's ridiculous.
00:59I got one DVD in the mail from a...
01:01I don't even know who sent it to me, but it was crazy.
01:03Let me see this.
01:05Yeah, it's going down.
01:06You know how I get down.
01:07Funkmaster Flex.
01:08And be clear.
01:09All the big dogs know that my man Fisticuff rules the streets.
01:13And if you haven't heard that, Jordan, turn my headphones up.
01:17You need to get with it.
01:18Act like you want it.
01:19One tap for your mouth.
01:20All this is hot.
01:27Turn my headphones up.
01:29I'm serious, nigga.
01:30Turn them shits up.
01:33Turn them up.
01:34Hold up.
01:35I'm serious, nigga.
01:36I can't hear out of this here.
01:38Turn my headphones up.
01:39I stabbed a brother in the neck with a butter knife for 50 cups.
01:42Just cause.
01:43It ain't going platinum.
01:44It's going double uranium, son.
01:45Uranium.
01:46You heard?
01:46We popping bottles, stabbing people, killing people.
01:48Yeah.
01:50Hold up, nigga.
01:51I can't hear out of my left headphones.
01:54This one, nigga.
01:54This is my left.
01:55Turn it up.
01:57Why you dropped the beat out, man?
01:59All right, here I go.
02:01You ready to rock it?
02:02You ready to see how we do on the streets?
02:05All right.
02:06Make that beat drop.
02:07Nigga, I said drop, not drum, bro.
02:09The ghetto has understood what this is.
02:13Holla at your boy.
02:14I'm saying, nigga, you can't just put velvet in the shit
02:17and think they nice headphones.
02:19Where's my snare?
02:21Where's my snare?
02:224212.
02:24I'm going to drop it like this.
02:25I'm going to drop it like this.
02:25Hold on.
02:25I'm going to drop it like this.
02:27I'm going to drop it like this.
02:27I'm going to drop it like this.
02:28I'm going to drop it like this.
02:28I'm going to drop it like this.
02:29Turn my left headphone up a little more.
02:31You don't know about it.
02:32Fist to cuss by now.
02:34Something's wrong with you.
02:35He's got the illest joint out right now.
02:37He's crazy with it.
02:38Turn my headphones up.
02:40Nigga, I'm serious.
02:41I can't hear out of my left headphones.
02:43Turn that shit up.
02:45And I let that beat ride like that.
02:46That's right.
02:47Here I come.
02:48I'm going to drop it.
02:49Y'all ready?
02:51Oh, nigga, I dropped the beat out.
02:53I'm going to drop it like this.
02:54Uh.
02:54Uh.
02:56Uh.
02:57Pump up that bass.
02:59Pump up that bass.
03:00Pump it up.
03:01Uh.
03:02From the top.
03:03What happened?
03:04Oh.
03:05Well, is the beat going to stop?
03:07His lyrics are so tight, they don't even have to rhyme.
03:10And the word on the street is late night, one night in the ghetto,
03:15my man got shot in his ear like eight times.
03:18What?
03:19Nigga, I can't hear.
03:20Turn up my headphones.
03:22Turn them up.
03:23Turn them shits up.
03:24Put some treble in it.
03:25Put some treble in it.
03:26That's my word.
03:28All right.
03:28Here we go.
03:29Hold up, nigga.
03:30I need some water.
03:31My throat's dry.
03:33Well, how the fuck do you expect me to rhyme?
03:35If I can't talk, nigga, I'm thirsty.
03:38What is this, damn motherfucker?
03:40Cock the album that you need.
03:42Turn my headphones up.
03:43It's on headphone records, baby.
03:45There's a lot of heat right here.
03:47Turn them up.
03:49Turn them shits up.
03:53Not for real, nigga.
03:54I'm saying on the paper, I'm writing.
03:56Yo, Mr. Cupp, if you need some new artists, we down.
03:58I'm killing people.
03:59We drinking more.
04:00We banging chicks with no rubbers and all that stuff.
04:03You're a gangsta.
04:04Mr. Cupp, you heard?
04:07What?
04:08You heard?
04:10What?
04:12What?
04:13Go get the biggest album of the year, baby.
04:22We're going to take a quick commercial break, y'all.
04:24We'll be right back with more Chappelle Show.
04:26You heard?
04:28What?
04:30What?
04:33This ain't neo-soul.
04:35This is de la-soul.
04:36Three types of light without the lime.
04:39Giving you intelligent shit with a four for grime.
04:42Timeless shit from time after time.
04:44Like that Brooklyn nigga said,
04:45Ica and I'm.
04:47L.I.'s finest with plug one, two, and three.
04:50Nigga Dave should pee right behind us.
04:54Man, I'm bored.
04:55I gotta go to the Chappelle Show.
04:58Hey!
05:01Welcome back.
05:03Welcome back to Chappelle Show.
05:07I gotta tell you, I'm real grateful that I had an opportunity to do this show.
05:11And one of the things that's given me an opportunity to do is give back.
05:14I recently joined the Make-A-Wish Foundation,
05:17and I've had an opportunity to meet some extraordinary young people.
05:20And, uh, well, here's one of their stores.
05:29Oh, good, you're awake.
05:31Yeah.
05:32I have a surprise for you, sweetie.
05:34More apple sauce.
05:36No, this is a good one.
05:37You know how your favorite movie is?
05:39Half-Baked?
05:41What if I told you Dave Chappelle is here?
05:44Really?
05:44Mm-hmm.
05:45Where, Mommy?
05:46Come on in, Dave.
05:47It's right here.
05:49Hey!
05:50Your mom told me you were sick, so I figured I'd come by and pay you a visit.
05:54I'll leave you two alone.
05:55Okay, thanks.
05:58Ugh, so what you got here?
05:59Some PlayStation?
06:01Sheet hoops.
06:02Wanna play?
06:03I'm one of you, though.
06:04I'm pretty good.
06:05I don't know if I'd take losing to a little guy like you.
06:07But come on.
06:08It's just a game.
06:11No, all right.
06:11Come on, let's play.
06:12Really?
06:13No, let's go.
06:14All right, I'm player one.
06:15You're player two.
06:16Okay, I think I've done this before.
06:19Oh!
06:20Ah!
06:21One-oh.
06:22One-oh.
06:24One-oh.
06:25That's two.
06:26That's me.
06:27Two up.
06:28One.
06:30Oh!
06:31Okay.
06:33Come on, Billy.
06:34Hang on.
06:35Three for me!
06:39Three.
06:40All right.
06:41Bang, little bitch.
06:42Can't score no more, though.
06:44Come on, ball up.
06:46Steal it.
06:47Coming down.
06:48Billy, look at my game.
06:50It must hurt.
06:51Oh!
06:52Oh, in your face!
06:53Billy, I'm sorry, man.
06:55I'm sorry, dude.
06:55It's good, though.
06:56That's all me, baby.
06:59Here you come.
07:00Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
07:01Hooray for me!
07:03Hooray for me, Billy!
07:04In your face!
07:06Children is our future, my ass.
07:07I'm the future.
07:08I'm the future.
07:10Oh, stop!
07:11Oh!
07:12You can't deny me, Billy.
07:13You can't deny me.
07:14It's too real for you.
07:16What'd I say you weren't going to score no more?
07:18Tell your little friends, the dreams do come true.
07:21Dave Chappelle came and saw you in the hospital
07:23and whoop your monkey abs in some street hoops.
07:27This thing, it's my first time.
07:28I got PlayStation.
07:29I'm rich.
07:30Rich, bitch!
07:32Oh.
07:33Here you come.
07:35With it.
07:35Oh!
07:36I don't want to play anymore.
07:37I need to pick them little sticks up, white boy,
07:40and get to the game.
07:41I have an agenda, and it goes like this.
07:44Oh!
07:44Babe, I'm going to feel good.
07:47Could you call the nurse for me?
07:49Yeah.
07:50Yeah.
07:51All right.
07:51Are you all right?
07:53Hold on.
07:55Nurse?
07:56Could you come in here, please, quickly?
07:59Billy is getting his ass whooped on the street.
08:03I need a witness.
08:07It's so good.
08:08Billy, it's so good.
08:10Billy.
08:12Billy.
08:13Oh, my God.
08:14Billy.
08:15Nurse!
08:17Billy, don't you die on me.
08:19Don't you die on me.
08:21Clear!
08:27Billy.
08:28Billy.
08:32You all right, man?
08:34Uh-huh?
08:36You okay?
08:37You all right?
08:39Here.
08:40Here, grab your sticks.
08:40Come on, let's go.
08:41Let's go.
08:42I'm losing that ass now.
08:44I'm almost done.
08:45I'm almost done.
08:47In your face!
08:49Oh, Billy, I should have left you dead, baby.
08:52That was a killer.
08:54Dad, can't you see I'm dying of cancer?
08:59Look, Billy.
09:03I'm sorry, man.
09:05Look, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad.
09:08I just was trying to teach you a lesson.
09:11You can be cancer, but if you want to beat it, you gotta be tough.
09:16Okay?
09:17And I see it in you, Billy.
09:19You gonna make it.
09:22Really?
09:24Hell no, nigga.
09:25You play like a bitch.
09:28Hold up.
09:30James!
09:32In your face!
09:33In your face!
09:37Feel better.
09:43Half-baked sucked, anyway.
09:48We're gonna take a quick commercial break.
09:50We'll be right back with more Chabelle Show.
09:56All right, kid, it's fine.
09:57Come on, he's acting.
09:59Now, you know why we thought of that sketch?
10:01We was on the tour bus playing a basketball game, and that shit gets so emotional.
10:06And I said to the nigga, if I was dying of cancer, nigga, you would still not let me win
10:09it.
10:11I said, hey.
10:19Go ahead!
10:31Good afternoon, young man.
10:33Can I help you?
10:35Yeah, I was trying to buy a gremlin.
10:38I'm talking with you.
10:39Actually, I'm answering your ad in the paper.
10:41Ah, yes!
10:43The camera.
10:44The camera.
10:46Ah, here it is.
10:47How much did I say it was?
10:50Well, your ad says $300.
10:53Ah, for you?
10:54I give it to you for $100.
10:57Well, I was wrong with it.
10:58It has special powers.
11:00It will show you things some would pay not to see.
11:07Oh, snap.
11:07It gets comic view?
11:08It will reveal the inner hearts of mankind.
11:13If you press this button, it will reveal their true self.
11:18If you flip that switch, it will record their innermost thoughts.
11:23Flip it one more time, and you can see the last person they had sex with.
11:28And with this last switch, it will show you where they will be in 10 years.
11:36Damn, man.
11:36Sony ain't playing.
11:37Let me see that.
11:38No!
11:39You must buy it as is.
11:42And once you purchase it, you may never return to this store again.
11:48Hold on.
11:49Let me just think about that for a second.
11:55What kind of policy is this?
11:57I can't come back in?
11:59Fine.
12:00You can't come outside, because if it don't work, I'm going to be out there and whoop your monkey ass.
12:05Kick my ass, huh?
12:07Camera works.
12:08$100.
12:11$100.
12:13Can I get a receipt?
12:15I'm just playing.
12:17All right, man.
12:20Good luck.
12:29What's up?
12:31Hey!
12:31Hey, what's up, Deb?
12:32All right, dude.
12:32What's up, man?
12:33What up?
12:33How you doing?
12:33Man, I'm just messing with this camera.
12:35You mind if I, uh...
12:36All right.
12:37All right, go for it, man.
12:39What up, Carson Daly?
12:40What up, Deb?
12:41What up, Deb?
13:11Me too, man. Take care.
13:12Hey, hey, save your money, dude.
13:31Man, I look like that 7-Up guy.
13:33You know them wankers gonna come flocking.
13:36Bam.
13:37I've been waiting out here for 45 minutes.
13:41Oh, I knew I should have brought a prettier friend.
13:43God, get surgery, bitch.
13:46You're so ugly.
13:47Well, I think this ecstasy's starting to kick in.
13:51Are you freaking out?
13:53No.
13:54Yeah.
13:55Man, this bitch next to me needs surgery.
13:58What's your name, big man?
13:59Oh, uh...
14:02What's your name, big man?
14:03Uh, Dave Chappelle. I'm here for Ann's birthday party.
14:06Also, I have a show on Comedy Central.
14:08Wednesdays, 10.30.
14:22Yo, Dave.
14:23What's up, man?
14:24Thanks for coming to my girl's birthday party.
14:26And you brought your camera.
14:27That's perfect.
14:28I want you to tape something, all right?
14:31Yeah.
14:33Excuse me, everybody.
14:35Excuse me, everybody.
14:36I could have your attention.
14:39Ann, I have loved you from the moment that I met you.
14:44Baby, will you marry me?
14:45Yes!
14:46Oh, pumpkin!
14:57Dave, I want you to meet my co-worker, Mike.
15:01Yo, what's up, son?
15:02Yo, you a funny dude, man.
15:05Yeah, you funny.
15:07Look, I'm going to be right back.
15:08I'm going to the dance floor.
15:09Let's go.
15:17Don't you want me, son?
15:23And one, and two, and one, and two, and one, and two, and one, and two, and I seem to
15:26cool, and I'm going to make my face a natural.
15:29Roll.
15:32Hey, you know what, girl?
15:34I'm going to just, I'm going to get some rest.
15:37Good night.
15:38Congratulations, uh, Charlie's girlfriend.
15:49Man, I don't know if I should mess with this camera thing.
15:53I should have just turned this thing off and masturbate on the internet like I planned to.
15:59No, no, fucking, I'm going to go through with this.
16:01I've got to be a man.
16:02I'm going to go through with this.
16:10Hey, hey, hey, hey, man.
16:22Would you like some more pickles?
16:25I've got to stop drinking.
16:33How excited can you really be for a video you've seen 58 times in a row?
16:38Fuck.
16:40What do you want?
16:41I just want to make a total request live from my man, Justin Timberlake.
16:46Justin is leading.
16:46Dave Chappelle, Star Trek, 1992.
16:48I was with you, man.
16:49I was with you.
16:50Champion Dave Chappelle receives three and a quarter stars.
16:53Remember that, Ed McMahon?
16:54God rest his soul.
16:55Oh, I'm out.
16:55No.
16:56Oh.
16:58Fuck this camera.
17:12Oh.
17:13Oh.
17:14Oh, a camera.
17:16Oh, wait.
17:18What do these buttons do?
17:20I want some quirk.
17:32All right.
17:33We're going to take a quick commercial break, but don't go nowhere because we got jokes and
17:37jokes and jokes.
17:39Be right back.
17:45We're going to Dave Chappelle's show.
17:47How's this?
17:48Go.
17:54Hey.
17:57Folks, this next musical act is like good friends of mine.
18:01One of my favorite groups ever in hip-hop history.
18:04Please make some noise for my brothers, De La Soul.
18:10Go again, go again, go again, go again, go again.
18:14Go again.
18:21Yeah.
18:22Spending still in me since infinite, y'all.
18:24Using these minutes like I value the call.
18:27Put your money in the bank and hold rank over friends who ain't got leadership skills.
18:31I got the sheep in my eyes so I can't sleep.
18:34We like to land and lay the brand on way.
18:37Grand operate the scandal way.
18:39L.I.
18:39Shites.
18:40I play the Xbox instead of fucking with dice.
18:43I hate losing the doze.
18:44Walk away with my dough because I doze.
18:47Tracy broke me and now she want to see the resident provoking me.
18:50The pop willies on my bicycle.
18:52Watch your eyes twinkle.
18:53One house, two houses, third house, house rules.
18:56So house tape bank.
18:57Watch Dave bank.
18:58Banner had him on the hawk since Atlanta.
19:00When extravaganza gamma ray rap, I make the hoax snap.
19:03Jump back like James Brown.
19:05Hey, now when the liquor over, we smoking the hay now.
19:09Delegate numero dos.
19:10I holla out to Salernose to keep the island close to me.
19:14And they should tell the hoaxes, see?
19:16Much more is what we got.
19:18Much more.
19:19Just believe me.
19:22Than they could ever see.
19:25Much more than Vegas is how it'll always be.
19:28Believe me.
19:29You gotta believe me.
19:31I got verbs, scales, babies, and bills.
19:34A brother who smoked krill is still trying to get himself together from it.
19:37No one can quite run it like me.
19:39I want to cut an ad to what's alleged to be hot.
19:42And when you rock, it's just impersonations of me.
19:45The writer's MC.
19:46MP with a V in the middle.
19:48I belittle your plan.
19:49Courtesy.
19:50I'm being wide, dirty C.
19:51My man, my base of fans is made up of many.
19:54Who gets allergic to belts, letting their mind melt from drinking the Henny.
19:57And my straightened out types who be waiting to hear.
20:00Them drums say the revolution is near.
20:02Are you listening?
20:03Are your eardrums open for christening?
20:05We got body MCs with these tools.
20:08While some others play God, they're just goddamn fools with it.
20:11I don't cup mics.
20:12I ruck mics up, ruck and rugged.
20:14Get the girls still of it.
20:15Still an old 5-0 came to my mic check.
20:18Telling me I left lacerations around my mic's neck.
20:21Domestically disputed and you just might get the undisputed underdogs serving y'all threat.
20:26Much more is what we got in the heart.
20:30Just believe me.
20:31It's much more than they could ever do.
20:40Folks, I'd like to thank my guest, De La Soul.
20:43I'd like to thank each and every one of you for being here with me tonight.
20:47And I'd like to thank you at home for watching.
20:50God bless y'all.
20:51I'm out.
20:55I'm rich, biatch.
20:58Hi, thank you.
21:06It's Fistacops.
21:07This is Fistacops.
21:092003, bitch.
21:10Turn them up.
21:11Turn your motherfucking stereo up.
21:13What?
21:14Turn it up.
21:15I'm serious.
21:17You're not going to hear the intricacies of the beat
21:20if the volume's so low.
21:22Turn it up.
21:23And that nigga, that's how you make a hit, bitch.
21:28I'm the man.
21:31That's right.
21:33Turn them up.
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