Chappelle's Show changed comedy forever ππ₯ Created by and starring Dave Chappelle, this groundbreaking sketch comedy series delivered unforgettable characters, sharp social satire, and some of the most quoted comedy moments in television history. A true comedy classic that remains influential years later.
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FunTranscript
00:21When the baby was born, I promised Karen I'd quit smoking, but I didn't know how.
00:26Well, that's when a friend of mine recommended Oduids. It's the first brand of marijuana with no THC. So it's
00:34like Oduels, but for weed.
00:38Now I can get that full reefer aroma without any of the guilt.
00:49Shotgun, little buddy.
00:54Honey, I think he likes it.
00:57This reminds me of when I was a girl and I used to smoke grass with all the Negro jazz
01:03musicians.
01:05Come on, Martha. Now puff, puff, give.
01:09Come on.
01:11Oduels. All the reefer. None of the guilt.
01:17I know what you're thinking.
01:19But it's Oduels, man.
01:23Can I hit that?
01:30Tastes like the chronic, and yet it's not.
01:37Wrong bag, man.
01:42Forget about your reefer needs. Go ahead and try Oduels.
01:45From the makers of the crack patch.
01:48Danny!
01:50Surprise!
01:53Hey!
01:55What's up?
01:57Hey, guys.
02:01You know, my wife's little cousin, Andrew, put me onto these And One mixtapes.
02:06You ever seen those?
02:08It's like the hottest thing you've ever seen.
02:10These basketball tapes is the bomb.
02:12They got some of the nastiest street players I've ever seen in my life.
02:15Go ahead and show them some of the And One.
02:22Oh, that was just nasty.
02:37Now, as dope as that was, the new And One mixtape kills it because it does all sports, not just
02:44basketball.
02:45And it's off the hook.
02:46Check it out.
02:47I'm serious.
02:53It only seems like I get everything that I want.
02:56I spit a lot of birds.
02:57I get what I deserve.
02:58Let's go to the gate!
02:59I'm gonna get it!
02:59I'm gonna get it!
03:01I'm gonna get it!
03:05I'm gonna get it!
03:14Yo, yo, you ain't seen that!
03:15What did you see him hit?
03:16What did you see him hit?
03:18I think he told us so fine
03:20He threw it before he died
03:22He threw it down
03:23He threw it down
03:23He threw it down
03:24He threw it down
03:25He threw it down
03:37He threw it down
03:38He threw it down
03:39He threw it down
03:40I threw it down
03:40He threw it down
03:40He threw it down
03:41He stole it
03:42He's StoneΡ
03:43He holes that ede
03:45He's doing it
03:45He saw the appealing
03:47He made the wink
03:57That's the baddest mothafucka I've ever seen in my life!
04:08With every ounce of friendship I support and back the rhythm
04:11And every track I give them I'm just board of activism
04:13In your face, now tell me what dinner takes
04:16Replace for a thinner waist, you drive the beginner pace
04:19While I win the race, tip the lap of flow flow
04:22With every ounce of friendship and a track I go roll
04:25I'm done in being simple, so I had to test your decency
04:28It's a studio and fucking manifest the frequency
04:30If you truly know it, then you'll get to see what you can see
04:33And I thought you can take the zero point where you're recently
04:37In your face!
04:39You need a pocket full of cheese for these club rats
04:42And a big bag of treats for these club rats
04:44Yo, fresh dress like a million bucks
04:47Through all my white flow and my all white tux
04:49Smellin' like some angel in case my dick is...
04:51Yo, gross!
04:54John!
04:56Yo, gross!
05:02What the hell?
05:18Oh!
05:20Man, he the sickest motherfucker I ever seen in the alley, son.
05:23Once you see him play defense, you ain't seen nothing, yo.
05:53We're going to take a quick commercial break, y'all.
05:55But don't despair, we have jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes.
06:02I drooled on myself.
06:04Yo, this is Talib Kweli, BKMC.
06:07And this is Moshe, pretty flocko, Black Dante, the Boogeyman.
06:15I don't know about y'all, but I used to play a lot of basketball on the playground growing up.
06:20And every time I do something sweet or cool, I would shout out my favorite basketball player, because I felt
06:26like him.
06:27You ever do that?
06:29Jordan!
06:32Nowadays, we know so much about NBA players.
06:35Not only can we do that on the basketball court, we can do that in our everyday lives.
06:39And I'll show you how.
06:42Kobe!
06:46You're under arrest!
06:50Rasheed Wallace!
06:55David Steinweier!
06:59My point is, Stevenson, you're going to have to show a little more effort around here.
07:03More effort, huh?
07:04Spree well!
07:11Paul Pierce!
07:12Oh!
07:14When are you going to come and claim these kids?
07:16Every pro athlete ever!
07:22Wilt Chamberlain!
07:27Dennis Rodman!
07:30Oh!
07:31Hell no!
07:35OJ!
07:39Hey, guys!
07:43Now, recently, People Magazine actually said that my show was sub-sophomoric and immature.
07:53Something like that.
07:54I don't know why they would say that I'm immature, but if you think that my show is immature,
07:58then I would like to dedicate this next piece to whoever wrote that article at People.
08:11When you're swimming in the pool and you feel something cool,
08:16diarrhea, diarrhea.
08:19When you're climbing up the ladder and you feel something splatter,
08:23diarrhea, diarrhea.
08:26Oh, Lord, diarrhea, diarrhea.
08:33When you're eating chocolate mousse and your mouth is just the moose,
08:36diarrhea, diarrhea.
08:39When you're riding down the track and it oozes down your crack,
08:43diarrhea, diarrhea.
08:46When you're all on the ground and you're on the knees and you feel that table grease,
08:51so you feel it, diarrhea!
08:53When you're hanging with your daughter and you feel the ground of water,
08:57when things just can't get worse and you feel that fountain squirters,
09:00when you're when the world is just the moose,
09:02when you're with the world you're on the ground and you feel the cup of water,
09:06diarrhea, diarrhea, diarrhea, diarrhea, diarrhea!
09:38Hi, and welcome to Trading Spouses, the show where we take two married couples, and you
09:44guessed it, make them trade spouses for a whole month.
09:48Watch the sparks fly today, because for the first time on our show, we're going interracial.
09:54Daddy's going to wait for a little while, all right?
09:56I'm going to live with a white family.
09:58Y'all be good.
09:59What you going to be doing with a white family?
10:01It's a TV show.
10:02Say hi to America.
10:04Anybody try to touch your mother, punch him in his dick.
10:07Look, son, Dad's going away for a few weeks, so I want you to be good, okay, squirt?
10:13Whatever.
10:14I love you.
10:17Eskimo kisses.
10:21You must be little T-Mart.
10:25Would you like to call me Daddy?
10:27Hmm?
10:27Is it okay if I call you Mr. Deez?
10:30Mr. Deez?
10:32Deez Dots!
10:35I don't understand.
10:38What's happening?
10:39You must be Leonard.
10:40That's right.
10:41Can I call you Daddy?
10:43Hell no.
10:44Only your mama calls me Daddy.
10:46Hmm, I'll take my bag up to my room.
10:48And if I find out you've been going through my shit, I'm going to beat you in your ass.
10:51You understand?
10:56You're welcome.
10:57It's good to have you here.
10:59It's good to be here.
10:59Come on, girl.
11:02Oh, well, yes.
11:03I don't smell no dinner cooking.
11:06So why don't I make some grits?
11:10I don't know.
11:12I don't know.
11:13I don't know.
11:13What are you doing for dinner, mister?
11:14Oh, yeah.
11:16Well, I'm glad you asked, little buddy.
11:17Um, this here is cauliflower.
11:19This is corned beef hash.
11:21And these are parsnips.
11:25What the fuck is a parsnip?
11:28Now, just so you know, Todd would usually do the dishes after dinner.
11:31Okay.
11:33Well, just so you know, his ass will be back April 13th.
11:37I don't want to do your thing, girl.
11:39Loptop.
11:40You do your homework?
11:41Yeah.
11:43Well, go upstairs and wash your ass, and then we'll watch Martin Lawrence.
11:47You want me to light your cigarette for you, too?
11:49I'm going to check your tone, girl.
11:50Keep your inside voice on before I push your ass outside.
12:05Racial profiling?
12:08Who the fuck is Renee Zellweger?
12:14What's wrong, sweetie?
12:15T-Mart's been back talking me, and I need you to take care of it for me.
12:20T-Mart.
12:21Excuse me.
12:23I'll be right back.
12:24All right.
12:25You're in big trouble, mister.
12:28What, you gonna hit me or something?
12:30You're going on timeout.
12:33For 15 minutes.
12:35Okay?
12:36Yeah.
12:37Starting now, T-Mart.
12:39Timeout!
12:42Timeout is sweet.
12:47Halle Berry, here I come!
12:51Hey!
12:52My time!
12:54The hell you listening to?
12:56It's New 50 Cent.
12:57I'm from the streets, man.
12:59G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G you nut!
13:04Come on.
13:05Get in the car.
13:06G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G!
13:07Get your ass in the car!
13:08Come on!
13:13Look.
13:14Hey y'all!
13:15My top home sweet home.
13:16The hood.
13:17All right, little fella.
13:19Say hello to your people for me.
13:20And tell them when you see them that Leonard Washington's glad he made it out.
13:23go on go on goodbye and if you need money sell rocks i heard that's what it do around here
13:39the hell is damn damn which was just a lightsaber
13:47night night
13:51do you want to have sex with me todd yes i would like that very much okay
14:04do you mind if i turn off this r&b music i kind of want to hear you breathing okay
14:18oh do you want to take off your pajama bottoms actually i feel more comfortable if i just
14:25pulled my penis through its hole
14:29i'm sorry baby i don't go south of the border it's just one thing
14:32that leonard washington don't do but but leonard it's okay i'm i'm waxed
14:36damn now i done heard of trimming the hedges but you done scorched the earth
14:46i smell your lightsaber lightsaber
15:01leonard and i hardly even talk anymore
15:03the other night he came home at three in the morning i had no idea where he was
15:07he uses profanity around jeffrey i i just don't feel like we're sharing i i don't feel like
15:13there's any reciprocity there how do you feel about all this leonard
15:19bitch i'll never forgive you for this don't get in the car warm it up
15:25this is good you can let out whatever you feel in here leonard all right i'm gonna tell you right
15:29now
15:30man i ain't crazy i don't need no psychiatrist and if you ever tell anybody i've been in here
15:35i'll fucking kill you this is confidential here leonard i won't tell anyone it's just between us
15:41well then confidentially i am crazy and i'll fucking kill you
15:46well it's been a wild and crazy month let's see what our interracial families have learned
15:53i learned a lot from charron and i learned a lot from little t martin quite frankly
15:58i'll miss them both very much and for the first time in my life
16:03i tasted brown sugar and not my oatmeal
16:10yeah you know this show told me that no matter where you come from you know what i'm saying or
16:15what color your skin is we all pretty much do the same things in the life raise our kids make
16:21love
16:21from time to time and wash speaking of which i learned that white people don't use washcloths
16:29you know that i'm serious that one bar of soap in the house every time i use it somebody else's
16:35pubic head was in it it's like you know why you guys gotta put the raw bar soap and your
16:40button all
16:40this maybe i need to wash my face on my feet
16:46todd leonard are very different although len is the love of my life in a different world i could see
16:52myself with todd although the penis through the whole thing was kind of weird
16:59and i am missing some of my drawers
17:06oh my gosh
17:11titty residue hello hello
17:18we're gonna take a quick commercial break but don't go anywhere because we're coming right back with
17:23more chapelle show i promise
17:28so i got a little riddle for you what happens when you take two of brooklyn's finest emcees and put
17:34them together in a group well then you have my next guest make some noise most def talib kwali black
17:40star
17:42this is a great psa from the black star embassy of brooklyn incitled what is beef yeah i was sold
17:50to a
17:51sick european by a rich african battling middle passages i can't go back again battling years and
17:57denying history lives with mysteries wives with misty eyes watching they niggas be beating viciously
18:02in the wilderness in north america ran by the river only stopping to pray chase my predators terrorists
18:07with etiquette who vote and kill a president their capacity for evil so evident and prevalent ain't no
18:13hesitation evolve a nation dissolve while we sit back waiting to evolve those who are trading their
18:18freedom for their protection deserve neither fuck a name fuck tradition religion you learn jesus turn
18:23the other cheek inherit the earth just stay meek fuck the way you speak try to walk we chop off
18:27your
18:27feet fast forward to 2003 niggas beef the psychology of children of slaves to run deep hell yeah hell yeah
18:34yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what's beef hell yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's beef hell yeah yeah yeah yeah
18:41it's always your own people sometime it's your own people yeah yeah hell yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
18:46yeah that's beef hell yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so it's your own people sometime it's your own
18:54people y'all beef is not what jay said to nars come on beef is when working niggas can't find
18:59jobs
19:00so they trying to find niggas to raw trying to find bigger guns so they can finish the job yeah
19:05because when
19:06the crack kids can't find more because they in a pond box a lock behind bars yeah beef ain't the
19:11summer gym for hot 97 beef is the cocaine and aids epidemic beef don't come with a radio edit
19:19beef is when the judge is calling you defending beef it come with a law jail sentence handed down to
19:25you
19:25in a few short minutes yeah beef is when your girl come through for a visit talking about i'm pregnant
19:31by some other niggas beef is high blood pressure and bad credit need a loan for your home and you're
19:36too
19:36broke to get it and all your little kids is doing is getting bigger you're trying not to raise them
19:41around these wild niggas because when the gold digger got your seat in a a manicured handout like pay me
19:48nigga oh i'm telling your wife is starting up some file room with it to ruin your life because when
19:54the
19:54gangster ain't doing it right and other gangsters then decided what to do with his life because now what
19:59these famous niggas doing the mic uh beef is what george bush would do on the flight that's right
20:04beef is not what josh said to 50 uh beef is well done earth not being here with me when
20:09a soldier
20:10ends his life with his own gun beef is trying to figure out what to tell his son uh beef
20:15is oil prices
20:16and geopolitics beef is iraq the west bank and gaza strip some beef is big and some beef is small
20:22but
20:22what y'all call beef is no beef at all beef is real life happening every day and it's realer
20:28than them
20:29songs that you gave the case slave this has been a black star psa from most deaf pretty flaco black
20:35dante and the black star embassy beat to the k i'd like to thank my guest black star most deaf
20:43and
20:43call it quality god bless y'all god bless america god bless the world because we're in trouble
20:50i'm out i'll see you next year
21:08that's a good bit
21:21i don't know i don't think this is gonna work you're so much older than i am
21:27how old are you i'm 35. i'm 27. damn
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