Goodness Gracious Me brought iconic British-Asian comedy to TV with hilarious sketches, unforgettable characters, and sharp cultural satire 😂🔥 From “Going for an English” to legendary family moments, the show became a comedy classic that still feels ahead of its time. A true gem of British television and South Asian humor 🇬🇧🇮🇳
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#goodnessgraciousme #britishcomedy #asiancomedy #southasian #classiccomedy #ukcomedy #comedysketch #cultclassic #britishtv #funnyclips #comedyshow #90scomedy #satire #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #legendarycomedy #retrohumor #tvclassics #desihumor #bbccomedy #iconicshows #comedygold #nostalgiatv #britishasian #dailymotion #comedymoments #sketchcomedy #retroshows #classicbritishtv
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FunTranscript
00:25Goodness gracious me!
00:31How could our own son, our own flesh and blood possibly disgrace us in this way?
00:36I just can't think of him as anything other than a Muslim.
00:41Do you think I enjoy telling people that my only son is now converted to being...
00:46Jewish?
00:49Okay, okay, I'll handle this. You're too hysterical.
00:52We need to make everything calm.
00:58So the traitor has returned!
01:01Look, it's Javel, or should we call him Judas?
01:06Jesus, Dad! You're so melodramatic.
01:14Where's Mom?
01:15In the oven.
01:16I'm dead!
01:19Mom, you gotta get out of there, please.
01:22See what you have done?
01:23A Muslim boy would never put his own mother in any kitchen appliance.
01:29It's okay, Dad. It's an electric oven. She can't cook herself.
01:33You used to like my food before you became all Jewish.
01:37And now that you're all Jewish, you hate your Muslim mother and father.
01:41No, you crazy?
01:43Don't know.
01:44You're the only mom and dad I got.
01:47I thought you'd be pleased to see me happy through spirituality.
01:51Unlike most young men of my generation who find happiness through pornography and drugs.
01:57I've been tempted to use had we not been related to every pharmacist and use agent from here to Nuremberg.
02:04But why Judaism?
02:07Would it have been any better if I turned Buddhist?
02:09Islam is the fastest-going religion. More and more people are joining it.
02:13Yeah, you were in it already. You had a head start on the others.
02:17A head start? What is this, the egg and spoon race?
02:20Hundreds of people running towards Mecca. But you start to run the other way.
02:24What are you, a trout? My son's a trout!
02:28It's actually a salmon that goes upstream.
02:32Oi, oi! Don't take advantage of your father's innocence about fish. Have some respect.
02:36What do you think I am? Chopped liver? I can fight my own battles.
02:40Naturally, a Muslim would know nothing about fish.
02:43But we thank the Almighty we have a Jew here to tell us!
02:47What am I, huh? I'm only his father after all.
02:51Things can never be the same between us.
02:54Why not? We still have so much in common.
02:56Because you're going to start eating pork and bacon sandwiches, wife.
03:00Jews don't eat pork. You say halal. We say kosher. You say salam. I say shalam.
03:05My son, some things you can never get back.
03:09Jews and Muslims are both circumcised.
03:11Ah! You told me it would make me a cut above the rest.
03:14He's only going through affairs.
03:16Haven't you ever noticed the uncanny resemblance between a rabbi and a Muslim cleric?
03:21The long beard, the glasses, the robes, never picking up the check?
03:24Maybe we can get in some fields from the doctor.
03:27Don't you see? It's almost the same.
03:29What is he talking about?
03:31Geez, I feel my brain tumour coming back.
03:35I gotta see my analyst.
03:37Hey, hey, hoi, hoi, babe.
03:46OK, everyone, cake time!
03:48Hooray!
03:51Victor! Come and cut your cake!
04:23You're such a healthy boy.
04:25Such a healthy boy.
04:29Now, Victor, we can't cut the cake until we've taken some photos, hmm?
04:34That is good. He won't touch it.
04:36Will you, darling?
04:53Oh, man, I wish all these flogs would just leave me alone, innit?
04:56Oh, oh, and me!
04:58I mean, we can't have been gorgeous, can we? Yeah!
05:03Hey, sis!
05:06Oh!
05:07In your dreams, buddy!
05:10I mean, you know what the real problem is, don't you?
05:12Yeah, yeah.
05:14Well, we are not only gorgeous, we are fashionable and awesome.
05:19Well, I mean, yeah, Asian style is happening, right?
05:22Look at that Jemima Khan.
05:23And I've never seen her wearing no lycra boob, too.
05:26No, man!
05:27She wears them suits, like our mummies wear to kiddie parties, innit?
05:30Oh, yeah!
05:32Yeah, I mean, you can't walk down the street, right, without seeing all these white girls wearing bindi.
05:36Yeah!
05:36Bet they don't even know what wearing a bindi means!
05:39Neck!
05:41What's it mean, then?
05:43It is!
05:44Right!
05:45Yeah!
05:45A religious, sociological, cultural, sticky mole!
05:50Yeah!
05:50And it's not just our clothes, it is our skin, too!
05:53Oh, oh, brown is the new black, innit?
05:56Yeah!
05:56Asian lipstick!
05:57Super cool, man!
05:58That's why all them Hollywood hunks got with Asian girlfriends, innit?
06:01Yeah, like...
06:03Andrew Neil!
06:03Innit!
06:04Yeah!
06:06Look, buddy, it just takes more than a couple of free drinks, you know.
06:10Hm!
06:11In your drinks!
06:16Look, when will you get the message right?
06:18We are not just a couple of ethnic trinkets!
06:20Yeah, buddy, this don't come off, you know!
06:24Yeah, we do not want to be molested by every single bloke that loses control at the sight of a
06:28couple of gorgeous girls, innit?
06:30Yeah, well, you should be right here, then.
06:31Come on.
06:32Come on.
07:04Good afternoon, sir.
07:06Good afternoon, my good man.
07:07I'd like to peruse your board of conjugal delights
07:10in the hope of finding spousal satisfaction.
07:14I beg your pardon, sir.
07:17I'm looking for a life in...
07:20A wife, sir?
07:21Well, you've come to the right place.
07:23This is a marriage emporium, sir.
07:25We have a huge selection of perfect partners
07:27to suit even the weirdest of desires.
07:29Short ones, tall ones, fat ones, thin ones,
07:30colours, carson, qualifications.
07:32Excellent.
07:33I'd like a 24-year-old, 5'4",
07:36Gujarati hygienist with no vices, please.
07:39Oh, I'm sorry, sir. We've just run out.
07:41The last one went yesterday
07:42to a terribly nice lawyer from Notting Hill.
07:44Well, that's fate for you, I suppose.
07:46How about a nice bit of 5'3",
07:49Bengali systems analyst, then?
07:50Oh, not on a Friday, sir.
07:52We only get Bengali systems analysts on a Monday, sir.
07:55I see.
07:56Rajasthani pharmacist?
07:58Err...
07:59Sorry.
08:00Marathi stair-rangler?
08:02No.
08:03Goan van Chulaquist?
08:04Err, not as such.
08:05What do you mean, not as such?
08:07Well, no.
08:10Parsi ballerina?
08:11Yes, sir.
08:12Yeah, great. I'll take her.
08:13Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I thought you were talking to me.
08:15What?
08:16That's my name, sir.
08:17Ashok Parsi ballerina.
08:20I see.
08:22Right, then.
08:24How about a Punjabi accountant?
08:26Oh, no, sir.
08:27What do you mean, no?
08:28Well, we don't get much call for Punjabi accountants around here, sir.
08:31Not much call!
08:32A Punjabi accountant is the single most popular bride in the world!
08:36Around here, isn't it, sir?
08:37So what's popular here?
08:38He is a nice South Indian shiropodist.
08:41Perfect! I'll take her. Do you deliver?
08:44She's a bit dark.
08:45No, no, that's fine.
08:47She's probably a bit darker than you like, sir.
08:48No, no, no. I like them dark.
08:50Might be a bit too dark for you, sir.
08:52I don't care how bloody dark she is.
08:55Bring forth a dusky corncure of Corolla!
08:59Oh!
09:01The Sikhs just got her.
09:02The what?
09:02The Sikhs, gentlemen, while you had your back turned, rushed in, took her paid cash.
09:09Look, do you have any brides at all?
09:10Oh, yes, sir. We're a marriage emporium, sir.
09:13Really?
09:15Not really, sir, no.
09:16Won't be a moment, sir.
09:18Yes, sir, can I help you?
09:19They wish to register a complaint.
09:21Yes, sir.
09:21This bride you introduced me to is dead.
09:26Beautiful style.
09:29Hi there.
09:30Hello.
09:31I couldn't help but notice you across the bar.
09:33Are you on your own?
09:35Yes.
09:36My name's Simon.
09:38And you are?
09:39Rita.
09:40Rita.
09:41Wow, what a beautiful name.
09:43So exotic.
09:46It speaks to me of concealed native passion.
09:53Untapped sensuality.
09:55Redolent of dark secrets closely guarded by inscrutable women folk.
10:07Excuse my presumption, Rita, but it's so unusual to see an Asian girl out on her own, especially
10:11one as beautiful as you are.
10:14You intrigue me, Rita.
10:15What would it take to get to know you better?
10:18I thought you'd never ask.
10:20It's £25 for hand relief, full personal's £50, and if you want an hour, that's £75.
10:31Oh, Ranjit, it's beautiful.
10:33I've never been to an Indian wedding before.
10:35I'm really glad you invited me.
10:37That's all right.
10:38You just enjoy yourself.
10:39There's so much going on.
10:40I don't understand any of it.
10:42Yeah.
10:43Do you want to explain it to me, then?
10:46Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah.
10:47Well, this is the reception stage of the wedding, where the families greet each other.
10:51And that man over there, that's the bride's father, and he's giving that other man a gift.
10:57Do you see?
10:57That's traditional.
10:58Right.
10:59And what's the other man doing?
11:00Well, he's taking the gift and putting it on a hanger.
11:04He's the cloakroom attendant, isn't he?
11:06Yeah, he's joking.
11:08Well, that's the reception stage, anyway.
11:11And that lady over there, that's the bride's sister.
11:13And she's going up to that altar and asking those two priests for a blessing.
11:18And they're granting her a blessing.
11:22So many priests?
11:23They're the DJs, right?
11:26Yeah, yeah.
11:28You haven't got a clue, have you?
11:30Look, this is an Indian wedding.
11:32I'm an Indian.
11:33And that man over there, okay, he's definitely lighting some kind of incense stick.
11:39You just have no idea, have you?
11:41Look, you can't expect me to know everything.
11:43If you want an expert on religious ceremonies, find a pundit.
11:47Right.
11:47Right.
11:49I will.
11:55Excuse me, are you a pundit?
11:58Yes, my dear.
12:00It's useless.
12:01I've tried asking him what's going on, but he hasn't got a clue.
12:04Can you explain the ceremony to me, please?
12:06Yes, of course, my child.
12:08In a minute, I will take a seat at the altar in front of that small pot in which I
12:14have made a fire.
12:15And as the bride and groom walk around the fire, I will add to the pot some very special herbs
12:23and some melted cheese into which bread or small bits of meat can be dipped.
12:31But that's a fondue.
12:33Okay.
12:35But don't tell anyone else.
12:41This is a life, hey, Dad.
12:43You and me sitting on the veranda, enjoying a perfect English summer's evening.
12:48There's nothing English about the word veranda.
12:51It's an Indian word.
12:53Is it?
12:54Of course.
12:55They go on about this beautiful language.
12:58The Queen's English.
12:59Rubbish!
13:00Where did the Queen get a word like veranda?
13:04She stole it from India.
13:06I didn't know that.
13:08And shampoo.
13:10That's an Indian word.
13:11And bungalow, jungle.
13:13Right, right, right.
13:13Okay, okay.
13:14You see, you have these English people sitting on the verandas of their bungalows, looking at the jungle, using their
13:19shampoo.
13:20They talk about Western civilization.
13:22Rubbish!
13:23Well, I don't think you can discount the whole of Western civilization just because they borrowed the word shampoo.
13:28Yeah, not just shampoo.
13:29Also conditioner.
13:33Brill cream, gel, mousse, wash and go.
13:37They stole them from India.
13:38That's not true.
13:39Now, what do you know?
13:41You think all we had in India was partition?
13:45Not true.
13:46We also had side partition.
13:49There's a cut.
13:49Layered bob.
13:50Hang on, hang on, hang on.
13:51Yeah, not just bungalow.
13:53More Tudor mansion.
13:54Warehouse conversion.
13:55Look, that's enough.
13:56Duplex penthouse apartment.
13:57Say we detached two up, two down.
13:58Look, please shut up about India.
14:00You're always banging on how everything comes from India.
14:03When it doesn't, it's all bullshit.
14:05What?
14:06I said bullshit.
14:10Also Indian.
14:20That's another one, Bina.
14:22You see that?
14:23He was untrusting me with his eyes.
14:24In your dreams, buddy.
14:27I mean, why can't they just leave us alone, innit?
14:28I mean, we can't help being gorgeous.
14:31It's just that they can't handle it.
14:32You'll be lucky.
14:33I don't know if these girls are all alone.
14:35They just assume we're available, innit?
14:40In your dreams, buddy.
14:46Okay, that's enough, Cola.
14:48Oh, just a bit more.
14:52Oh, that's enough.
14:53It's bad for your taste.
15:00That's enough.
15:01That's enough.
15:01It'll upset your tummy.
15:11There you go.
15:26Doctor, what is it?
15:27You wanted to see me.
15:27I've been worried sick.
15:28Yes, calm down, Miss Kapoor.
15:30Calm down.
15:31I was just going through your records,
15:32and there are a few things I'd like to clear up.
15:35If you could bear with me while we do a few tests.
15:37Sure.
15:38I'd just like to sit here.
15:40Okay.
15:42Excellent, Sam.
15:42If you could just cross your legs, please.
15:46All right.
15:47If you could repeat the following words after me.
15:50Zoo.
15:51Zoo.
15:52Zebra.
15:53Zebra.
15:54Zeburdusty.
15:58If you could just open wide.
16:00Say, ah.
16:01Ah.
16:03Ah.
16:03Ah.
16:04Ah.
16:08Ah.
16:09Yes.
16:10Finally.
16:11Can you tell me, does this hurt?
16:13Ow!
16:14Yes, obviously.
16:16Miss Kapoor, I'm sorry to have to inform you that you are, um, LIC positive.
16:22You mean?
16:23Yes.
16:24Lack of Indian culture.
16:25Positive.
16:26That can be done.
16:28There is only one hope.
16:31Operation.
16:33Of course, you could just take this pill.
16:35Oh, thank you.
16:42Miss Kapoor.
16:44Miss Kapoor.
16:45Are you all right?
16:51Excellent.
16:51Excellent.
16:52Now, I'm just going to do a few tests, okay?
16:55Okay?
16:56If you wouldn't mind crossing your legs.
17:05Excellent.
17:08Please repeat the following words after me.
17:11Aloo ka paratha.
17:12Aloo ka paratha.
17:15Baata chappal.
17:17Baata chappal.
17:19Excellent.
17:19Now, say, ah.
17:22Ah.
17:24Ah.
17:27Now, finally, tell me, does this hurt?
17:36Well, I declare this treatment to be a complete success.
17:40Congratulations, Miss Kapoor.
17:41You're now a fully-fledged Indian woman.
17:42Shukriya, Dr. Saab.
17:45Dr. Saab, what happened to me?
17:47Ah, yes.
17:47Um, there are one or two side effects.
17:49What?
17:49Um, well, you'll never be able to speak English again.
17:52But, don't worry, no.
17:53How do I work in the building society?
17:56How do I work in the building society?
17:57That's not really my problem, actually.
17:59It's kind of...
18:00Well, there are bits of melodrama are quite normal, actually.
18:06I really have to go.
18:07I have to...
18:08Never stand up in court.
18:09I have to...
18:10Shut up!
18:12I'm going out with my friends.
18:16Clean this place while I've gone, Indian woman.
18:26Can I help you?
18:45Here he comes again, Bino.
18:47Look, we said no, innit?
18:49I cannot believe it, innit?
18:52In your dreams, buddy!
18:58Will passengers for BA flight 713 to Karachi, please go to gate 24.
19:08I still recall the moment we met one hot day in Lahore.
19:15My cousin Umbream was getting married.
19:18We had never met before.
19:23We saw each other and we fell in love and got married straight away.
19:29But while I'm back home in Hemelhamsted, you're still a thousand miles away.
19:36Because nothing could compare to the love that we have, and nothing could describe the elation.
19:43And nothing's gonna split us or keep us apart, except for immigration.
19:50The home office guys didn't believe you.
19:54They called you a passport case.
19:57If only they knew how desperate I am to see your smiling face.
20:05They asked me all kinds of silly questions, to prove that we were true.
20:12Your shirt, colour, size, and what you would read when you sat on the loo.
20:19But I don't care what the home office says.
20:22I'm going for that visa replication.
20:26Because nothing's gonna keep us apart, baby.
20:30Except for immigration.
20:33No, nothing's gonna keep me from calling your name.
20:36The phone bill's an abomination.
20:40And nothing's gonna split us or keep us apart.
20:43Except for immigration.
20:46And why is it the whole world can see we're in love?
20:52Except for immigration.
20:57And why is it the whole world can see we're in love?
21:03미국時 Bettany
21:07Yep.
21:11I don't care.
21:15I can't keep me with it anymore.
21:19I like it.
21:20I don't care.
21:39Come on, darling, I'm going out. See you later.
21:42What?
21:44I'm going out with my friends. I'll see you later.
21:47Oh, OK.
21:49What?
21:50Nothing, nothing. You go out. Go out with your friends.
21:53Friends are more important than your family anyway.
21:56Oh, Mum!
21:56No, no, no, really, I don't mind. Go, go.
21:59Leave your parents, who gave you life, and go out with your friends.
22:04I hope you ever go out.
22:05Don't worry. Soon we will be dead.
22:08Then you can go out every night with your friends to your pubs and your clubs.
22:12Your Ministry of Sound.
22:14Oh, OK.
22:16Stay in, then.
22:19Well, it's up to you.
22:23Well, can I watch the football, then?
22:26Your father is watching Star Trek.
22:28Deep Space Nine.
22:31Well, can I flick over for a second and see what the score is?
22:34OK, for a second, of course.
22:38You are young.
22:40What is one second for you? Nothing.
22:43We are just two old people.
22:44We will probably be dead in one second.
22:47Then you can sit with your friends watching your football in your pubs and your clubs.
22:51Your Ministry of Sound.
22:54OK?
22:55Forget it. I'll be in my room.
22:57Why not?
22:59Why sit with us while we are still alive?
23:01You can sit with us plenty at our funerals.
23:04This is ridiculous.
23:06Look, we're all going to die.
23:07I mean, I could go out of here and get run over by a bus.
23:10Look, I can't take these constant guilt trips anymore.
23:13Look, I'm going out and that's that.
23:15All right.
23:31That's right.
23:32Don't worry about us.
23:33Soon we'll be dead.
23:35Then you can sit under your bus with your friends
23:37watching your football in your pubs and your clubs.
23:40Your Ministry of Sound.
23:44In your dreams, buddy.
23:46Yeah, as if.
23:47It's our typical, isn't it, yeah?
23:49That you see two gorgeous girls and I completely lose control.
23:52Look at that here.
23:53No chance.
23:57Come here.
24:00OK, OK, OK, guys.
24:01Settle down, settle down.
24:03Now, as you all know, we here at Satchi and Jhuta
24:06pride ourselves on taking on tough advertising campaigns and winning.
24:11They all said we couldn't sell toilet paper to the villages.
24:15But we did it, damn it.
24:17Thanks to Ravi's catchy slogan.
24:19Yeah, Ravi's the man.
24:20Yeah.
24:21Come on, guys.
24:21It is nothing.
24:22Oh, come on, yaar.
24:24It was master's.
24:25You're a giddy ass.
24:26Why take two lotas into the field when you can wipe and go?
24:30Stop, stop, yeah.
24:32And this is the big one, guys.
24:34This morning, we landed the Feminim account.
24:37Right, Feminim!
24:38Yes, we will be the first ad agency in India to promote Feminim tampons.
24:46That's great, Rani.
24:47Isn't it, guys?
24:49Uh, you know, I...
24:49Well, absolutely, yeah.
24:51It's a chance to give modern choices to the modern Indian woman.
24:54So, ideas.
24:55Uh, Neelam.
24:56What?
24:58Well, I just thought, you know, you're the woman on the creative team.
25:00Right.
25:01So, now I'm some sort of feminine hygiene guru, is that it?
25:03Ask one of the bloody men for a damn change.
25:05He's my neurofan.
25:07Any ideas from the English campaign on this product, Rani?
25:10Oh, yes.
25:10You see, now, they've got a beautiful girl jumping out of an aeroplane in a skin-tight lycra suit
25:15singing, It's My Life.
25:19Well, I don't think we want to confuse our women with fancy aerial tactics.
25:22Well, don't think of the mess, huh?
25:24Oh, leave, guys.
25:25Come on, yaar.
25:26Grow up.
25:26Hey, Rani's right, okay?
25:27It's a perfectly natural product for a perfectly natural physiological process.
25:32Right.
25:33What do you mean, exactly?
25:35You know, natural process, the woman's thing.
25:40Yes.
25:40And this feminine thing is for that thing.
25:47Oh, for God's sake.
25:50Just have a look at the product and then tell me what you think.
25:57Oh, good God.
25:59I feel sorry for women, you know.
26:01It can't be much fun having to swallow one of these every month, huh?
26:07You...
26:08Oh, no!
26:08It doesn't go in the mouth.
26:10Really?
26:11Where does it go?
26:15What?
26:18Hey, we'll have to stick a health warning on the packet.
26:21Why?
26:22Only to be used by married women.
26:24We don't want hundreds of angry fathers knocking on our door.
26:27With a pundit.
26:28Exactly.
26:28They'll put a health warning on you, dung breath.
26:32I'm sorry.
26:34I've got it.
26:35I've got the ad.
26:36Great.
26:36Great, Ram.
26:37Share it with the roomia.
26:38Okay, okay.
26:38We start off with some tinkly music.
26:40Right, right.
26:41A sort of housewife tum-ti-tum-ti-tum theme.
26:43Okay, right.
26:43And then you see a waft into frame.
26:45Great.
26:45Who?
26:46Today's modern Indian woman.
26:48Yes.
26:48Dressed in a full-length burqa with a big bell around her neck and a sign which says
26:52unclean, unclean.
26:53And she's so disgusted with herself, she runs into the nearest shop and buys a packet of
26:57ta-da, thing.
26:59Ah, right.
27:00And we can give away a big bell with every packet of thing.
27:04Ah, ah.
27:04And the slogan.
27:05Okay.
27:06This thing.
27:07For that thing.
27:08With a ding.
27:09Over there.
27:10Okay, please.
27:11No.
27:12Excuse me.
27:14Don't touch me.
27:17What's wrong with her?
27:19Time of the month.
27:20I thought it was 4.30.
27:25Affeminim.
27:25All feminine.
27:26This thing for that thing.
27:27With a ding.
27:57Do you know where this bit comes from?
28:00India.
28:04Goodness gracious me.
28:18You
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