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Taskmaster AU S02E03
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00:02Ahhhhhhh!
00:05Ahh!
00:09Ahh!
00:17Ahh!
00:19Ahh!
00:20Ahh!
00:20Yaaas!
00:21No!
00:23Ahh!
00:24Ahh!
00:38Hello, I am Tom Gleeson and welcome to Taskmaster Australia, a show that sees five comedians
00:43jostle for the chance to make $1 million by taking their modest paychecks, investing
00:49it in something like property or stocks, and then with a bit of luck, compound interest
00:54and a few decades working 60 hours a week, they might even just get there.
00:59Battling away on their working class journeys, we have Anne Edmonds, Jenny Tien, Josh Thomas,
01:09Lloyd Langford and Will Anderson. And sitting next to me, a man who needs no introduction
01:19when he's at home with a life-size love pillow Wendy, but he definitely needs an introduction.
01:25Here, it's Tom Cashman.
01:30So, how are you going?
01:31I'm okay. I came to an arrangement with my ex-girlfriend that if we're both single when we're 35 years
01:36old, she's going to pay me back the $2,000 she owes me.
01:42Prize task time, Tom. Explain away.
01:44Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in what they consider to be the most useful thing.
01:49Okay. Lloyd, what useful thing have you brought in?
01:52Well, I was trying to think of the most useful thing, like, obviously, the wheel, or, um, the concept of
02:00fire.
02:02And then I thought, no, I can think of something far more useful, and that is a red onion.
02:13It is pretty useful. It goes in a lot of dishes. Does it have use as outside cooking?
02:17Yes. If you cut it in half, then it gets rid of any lingering smells of paint.
02:24Does it?
02:25It's got antibacterial properties. You can, um, repel cats.
02:31You just throw it really hard at a cat.
02:34Um, if you cut it in half, you can use it to clean a grill.
02:38He means a barbecue.
02:42I'll translate.
02:43I'm actually talking about a rapper's teeth.
02:49All right, sounds pretty useful. Anne, what did you bring in?
02:51Let me ask you a question. How often do you get thirsty a day?
02:55Uh, I haven't counted it, but heaps.
02:57Heaps. Okay, so I've brought in for you a glass of water.
03:01Water. Okay.
03:02You can only survive for three days without water.
03:05Water is the most useful thing in the world to keep you alive, Tom.
03:10So that's why I win. We might as well not go through.
03:13Well, it is very useful. I mean, it's not very exciting, though.
03:16Not that that was a requirement.
03:17No, that wasn't a requirement.
03:18But if you're saying you're in the same household, I feel like on the day that you both got the
03:21email about this task,
03:23was there a lot on? I feel like you were...
03:26He ran for the onion. I was like, shit!
03:30I think there's water in the onion, but there's no...
03:35There's no onion in the water.
03:39All right, Jenny, what did you bring in?
03:41Yeah, well, I had to think about the times in my life where I feel the most useless,
03:45and it's where I, like, can't unclog the kitchen sink or when my car's broken down.
03:51So what I've brought in is a voucher for my dad's services.
03:57It's valid until forever, and that's his real phone number.
04:02Okay.
04:03That does sound very useful, but unfortunately I'm a daddy too.
04:07So all that he can do, I suspect I can as well.
04:09Yeah, but you're not my daddy.
04:13I feel like...
04:16I feel like you just fell into my trap.
04:19Should we call him?
04:20Oh, I might as well.
04:24Hello?
04:25Oh, hi there.
04:26This is the Taskmaster from Taskmaster Australia.
04:30Your daughter Jenny is on our show, and she said that you're very useful.
04:32Is that true?
04:34Yeah, how do you know me?
04:39Um, I don't know how to say this to you, but your daughter Jenny gave out your number
04:43on national television.
04:47Should I put you on to Jenny?
04:50Oh, you're going to watch the program on Thursdays as it goes to air?
04:54You are very useful.
04:56You're more useful than the Channel 10 publicity department, that's for sure.
05:01Well, thank you very much.
05:03Thank you, Jenny's dad.
05:04Thanks, Jenny's dad.
05:06Uh, Will, what did you bring in?
05:08Hello, Tom.
05:08I brought the most useful thing in the world.
05:10Money.
05:11Obviously, money is the most useful thing in the world.
05:13You can even buy a red onion if you need to, if you've got some money.
05:16So I've designed this, which is the perfect place to keep your money.
05:23It looks a bit like a red onion, to be honest.
05:27Josh, what have you brought in?
05:28Josh, what have you brought in?
05:29Okay, so I brought in this camera that Instagram sold me so that I could look inside my ears.
05:33Because I don't know about you guys, but I've always been so upset that I can't look inside
05:38my ears.
05:39Because, like, all the other holes you can look in if you really want, but not my ears.
05:44And that's always just driven me crazy, because they're my ears.
05:46I should be more easily able to look into my ears than Jenny and Lloyd.
05:50That's so creepy.
05:50And I know that you're not going to get it, but it's just, for me, it, like, this solved,
05:56like, a huge existential issue.
05:58So you chose something that I won't get the person who allocates the points?
06:02The thing is, I'm not doing that well in this series, and the points don't mean that
06:09much to me anymore.
06:11All right, well, I think it's pretty easy.
06:13Josh is on one.
06:14Okay.
06:15I'm going to give Will two, because a coin, well, money is useful, but...
06:19I had to learn how to do 3D printing to do that.
06:22Is that Tom's head?
06:23I thought that was Peter Dunn.
06:28So Will's on two.
06:29Two.
06:29Jenny, I'm giving three, two, because I do think your father is rather useful.
06:33Lloyd, I'm giving four for the red onion.
06:35Very useful, but not as useful as water.
06:37Water is life.
06:38Five points to Ant.
06:40All right.
06:42My very own little red onion, can you wet my appetite with a little task?
06:46Not only can I wet an appetite, I can wet heads, limbs, and torsos, and all the less important
06:51bits in between.
07:05Hey, Tromper.
07:07Hi, Lloyd.
07:07How are you?
07:08I'm okay.
07:09It's good to see you, my friend.
07:11The man put my mic pack in a plastic bag.
07:13Is that right?
07:15That's not the kind of thing you do when someone's going to be dry.
07:17Ooh, bath?
07:22Good.
07:22You're a bit dirty.
07:24Scrub it up, dub.
07:26Wear water from the shower and transport it to the bath?
07:35All water transported must be worn.
07:37The bath will be measured three minutes after your shower has ended.
07:40Most worn water transported to the bath wins.
07:43Your shower starts in 12 minutes.
07:47Your time starts now.
07:49To that bath there?
07:51Yeah.
07:51So I take a shower somewhere.
07:54Where's the shower?
07:55Seems the shower started a bit early.
07:57Good one, Tom.
08:02So it's pretty straightforward, really.
08:03That's it.
08:04They just have to wear as much water as possible from the shower and take it over to the bath.
08:07And we will measure how much water ends up in that bath.
08:09OK, which dirty little grub are we going to see first?
08:13Will one of them be rub-a-dub-dub the winner?
08:15It's Jenny, Will and Josh.
08:17Oh, OK, so the shower's there.
08:20So I now have to wear something that I can catch water in.
08:23OK, what do I wear?
08:26This feels absolutely perfect to me.
08:29How much time do I have?
08:30You've got three minutes and 18 seconds until your shower begins.
08:33All right, here we go.
08:34You know, in the olden days, if you were like a Renaissance woman, you'd have that big butt.
08:39Oh.
08:40Would you consider this to be a hat if I was wearing this like this?
08:46Is there a smarter way to do this?
08:48This feels like an outfit.
08:49OK.
08:50It'll be filled with water.
08:52I have a towel.
08:53Do you think I can move the shower?
08:54Can you?
08:56Yeah, I can.
08:58They didn't have a Renaissance wig, but I found this really like a bit of a day member.
09:02Ten seconds.
09:04That's worn.
09:05An accessory can be worn.
09:07Tom, I've got my hat here.
09:08I have a towel in my hat.
09:12I'm holding it because I don't want anyone to accuse it of not being a shower.
09:15OK, is it helpful that you've taken it here?
09:17That's less time to carry it.
09:18OK, are you getting wet?
09:22I mean, that feels like something.
09:23It's got a lot.
09:24OK.
09:24Oh!
09:25Your three minutes begins.
09:27Now.
09:28OK.
09:29OK.
09:33I feel like I've made the right judgement call in regard to amount of water versus what
09:38I can carry.
09:39What's your blue shoe accessory?
09:41Oh, it's so fashionable.
09:42It's what, um, it's Balenciaga.
09:45That's what it is.
09:45Oh, right.
09:55Well, Top Hat had nothing in it.
09:57What a useless piece of shit.
09:58All right.
10:00There's absolutely no water in the parachute.
10:02None.
10:07I was really hoping this would contain some more water.
10:10Come on, Balenciaga.
10:16How do you feel?
10:17All I care about is how much water I got into the bath in this moment.
10:20Yep.
10:21And the answer to that question is probably less than Will Anderson.
10:26I'll just put my hat back on and I'll, uh, get out of here, I suppose.
10:29Thanks, Tom.
10:30Thanks, Will.
10:36Will, I do consider that to be a hat.
10:37Yeah.
10:38Oh.
10:38Well, it is a hat, though, isn't it?
10:40Yeah, it is.
10:40It's worn on the head.
10:41It's worn on the head.
10:42I think it's smaller than most hats at the Melbourne Cup.
10:44Yep.
10:45There is the term bucket hat or swimming cap.
10:48It could be either of those two things.
10:49Yes.
10:50Okay.
10:51So where do water carrying skills come from, Will?
10:54I think, is it growing up on a farm and, like, in all those times of drought
10:57and you desperately needed your parents' approval
11:00so you had to do anything to try to keep some water in the tank?
11:06I know you're trying to make fun of me,
11:08but everything that I do that gets my parents' approval in this show,
11:12including irrigation,
11:15they would have loved to see me in gumboots on national TV.
11:18Can you imagine how proud my parents were?
11:21They would be very proud,
11:22but your desperation would take the edge off it.
11:25Okay, so talk us through your costume set-up, Jenny.
11:28I had logic.
11:29Can I just say that?
11:31It wasn't apparent from watching it,
11:32so explain it to us.
11:35I just thought if I wore as much as possible,
11:38then all of the fabric would then soak what I was wearing.
11:43So you're going for sponge logic?
11:44I was going for sponge logic,
11:45but little did I consider that a lot of what I wore,
11:49like, my head blocked it,
11:50so then a lot of it ended up being quite dry.
11:53Should have worn something on your head.
11:56So, Josh, let's talk through your efforts.
11:59Now, you made the very clever move to detach the shower,
12:02but you didn't go the full way.
12:03Maybe you could have moved the bath.
12:05I laid awake thinking about this quite often,
12:07and when you played the task back,
12:10and we were rereading the task,
12:11and I realised you could move the bath,
12:12and I feel a fool.
12:14I didn't mind your parachute idea.
12:16That was really good.
12:17The problem with the parachute
12:18is that it is a permeable membrane,
12:21and I didn't know that,
12:23because I've never tested the permeability
12:25of a parachute before.
12:27And we're counting all of Josh's outfit
12:28as, like, a train?
12:30I do think that I put quite a bit of effort
12:32into making it seem like sort of a gay outfit,
12:35that if you were on TV and you had to judge it
12:37and you were worried about whether or not
12:39you were going to look homophobic or not,
12:40you'd err on the side.
12:42You'd err on the side of saying,
12:44that's an outfit, fashion.
12:47What?
12:52So do we have some stats there?
12:54So Jenny transported 1.65 litres of water to the bath.
12:58Will's hat took a whopping 7.39,
13:01but Josh's parachute train had 9.95 litres.
13:07Well, watching ads is a lot like
13:09washing your legs in the shower.
13:11Most of us don't really do it,
13:12but it's better for everyone if we just pretend to.
13:15Back soon.
13:25Welcome back to Taskmaster,
13:27where under our wardrobes
13:29we're all wearing silly undies
13:31with slogans like,
13:32Shake It Baby on the bum
13:33because we're wacky like that.
13:36What are we doing, assistant?
13:41Our contestants are wearing as much water as they can
13:44from the shower to the bath.
13:45Next up, they're the only contestants
13:47who've probably showered together,
13:48but I also don't want to assume anything.
13:50It's Lloyd and Anne.
13:53Where water?
13:54From the shower.
13:55Well, where's the shower?
14:00There's a shower in there.
14:02There's a shower near the bath.
14:05Where is the shower?
14:06I was hoping that would be a shower.
14:08No.
14:09But it's not, is it?
14:13Filling up nicely.
14:14Thanks, God.
14:15I don't think I have to do anything here.
14:17But where's the shower?
14:19Am I going to feel the tusk
14:20because I can't find the shower?
14:23Oh, there's the shower.
14:24I found it.
14:25Okay.
14:31What have you got there?
14:32Just a lot of material.
14:34All of this will be worn
14:35and I can squeeze it into the bath.
14:41I might take these gumboots off as well
14:42and see if they'll fill up.
14:44Okay.
14:44Right, ready.
14:48That feels nice, actually.
14:52Tastes funny, this water.
14:53Oh, yeah, don't drink it.
15:00Did you hear that noise?
15:13Free-wet yourself.
15:15All right.
15:21Get that in there for a start.
15:24That's yielded me very little.
15:29Shit, I'm going to fill up pockets up.
15:31Oh, no.
15:31I'll at least get this boot off.
15:33This is the big-ticket item.
15:37Not a bad yield.
15:39We could just weep.
15:40Can you get a weep going in 12 seconds?
15:49Not enough time for the other sock.
15:50No, Tom.
15:51Not enough time for the other sock.
15:53Oh, sorry.
15:55That was just actually, like, a habit.
15:58Is there a reason you chose waterproof material to wear?
16:06Lan, we all know that you and Lloyd live in the same household
16:08and you both found it really hard to find the shower.
16:12How often do you shower at home?
16:14We don't have showers.
16:16We have the hose in the backyard.
16:18God, that was embarrassing for you.
16:23I mean, I found it.
16:24I know.
16:24I must say, like, that's a minor victory.
16:26I mean, if we saw Anne's in isolation, it would have been depressing,
16:29but then you came along.
16:31You're absolutely right.
16:32But I think on this show, we should celebrate difference rather than persecute it.
16:40You know what's crazy is there is a bathtub in another one of the dressing rooms,
16:44so you chose the furthest away bathtub and shower possible.
16:49So we have to address this.
16:50It was raining on Anne's day.
16:51Yes.
16:52Was that an advantage in filling up the tub?
16:55You cannot blame me for an act of God.
16:57Don't even try.
16:58So Anne, even though it was pouring with rain, only managed 2.28 litres.
17:03Lloyd, in his waterproof outfit, 4.57 litres.
17:07So Jenny gets one point, Anne with two.
17:09Lloyd, three.
17:10Will gets four points, but Josh takes the task with five points.
17:17And how many points do they have in the episode so far?
17:20Well, they may not know where the shower is,
17:22but they know their way to the top of the table.
17:23Anne and Lloyd are in the lead with seven points.
17:28OK, this tasky monster's hungry for another.
17:31Very well, this next one includes a telephone
17:33and a bunch of business cards,
17:35or as teenage me would call it,
17:36all the ingredients for a wild weekend in.
17:56You want to say hi?
17:57Hi, Jenny.
17:58Konkatsu.
17:59Hi, Lloyd.
17:59Nice to see you, my friend.
18:01Nice to see you, too.
18:02Telephone.
18:03Nice.
18:04OK.
18:05Here we go.
18:06Write a jingle for a small business
18:08from one of Tom's business cards.
18:10You will have five minutes to call
18:11and interview the business owner.
18:13Then 30 minutes to write and perform.
18:18To write and perform your jingle.
18:20Most convincing and effective jingle wins.
18:22Your time starts when you've selected your business card.
18:25Where's the business card?
18:26Oh, I've got some.
18:27Wow, how exciting.
18:31Oh, there is a selection in there.
18:33I like it.
18:34Thank you, Tom.
18:35Double Trouble Co.
18:36Homemade pet accessories and clothes.
18:39Repressed records.
18:40Famous picture framing.
18:42DCM plumbing and drainage.
18:44Little Long Distilling Company.
18:46Let's give them a call.
18:48PHONE RINGS
18:50Thanks for calling.
18:51Sorry I can't answer you at the moment.
18:53Please leave a message after the beep.
18:56Just one of your little tricks.
19:05So I should point out these are actual businesses.
19:07OK, who's jingle are we hearing first?
19:10Spruiking for Double Trouble Co.
19:11Homemade pet accessories and clothes.
19:13It's Josh Thomas.
19:14Hi, Rebecca.
19:15Is this Rebecca from Double Trouble Co.?
19:18This is Josh from Josh's Jingles.
19:21I've got some questions about Double Trouble Co.?
19:24Absolutely.
19:24What is it?
19:26We sell products for pet lovers and they're all handmade.
19:31My mother-in-law will complain that she does all of the work.
19:34She likes to accuse me of running a sweatshop.
19:36But I know she secretly loves this.
19:38OK, what else?
19:39It's famed after two very cheeky golden retrievers.
19:44In fact, one of the bow ties that's on our website
19:46is actually made from a crook cover
19:49that one of our puppies decided to eat.
19:51What are the dogs' names?
19:53Sadie and Spencer.
19:55What's your last name?
19:56Thomas.
19:57Oh, I don't know who you are.
19:59Is that a real person?
20:01Wait, this is a real company.
20:03Oh my God, I thought you were like an actor.
20:05I didn't realise you were a real person over there.
20:08I would have been way nicer.
20:10It was nice to meet you.
20:11I'm glad you know who I am.
20:13I'm so sorry.
20:15I really want to do a good job for you.
20:21Woof, woof.
20:22I'm Spencer.
20:23And this bandana was once my dinner.
20:26Then these poor ladies from Canberra
20:28turned it into something better.
20:33Woof.
20:34Hey there, baby.
20:35My name's Sadie.
20:35This might sound a little crazy,
20:37but these boats, they are sustainable
20:39at prices that are attainable.
20:44My name's Sharon,
20:46and guys, I'm actually, I'm tired.
20:48I'm really, really tired.
20:49Please don't forget that we sell poop bags
20:50to a doubletroubleco.com.au.
20:55Not as sweatshop!
21:04Josh, that was great.
21:06I thought it was very good.
21:07Very catchy.
21:08One of the lyrics was,
21:09I'm Spencer and this bandana was once my dinner.
21:12Yeah.
21:13So one of the bandanas they sell
21:14was eaten by a dog and then shat out.
21:16Is that what happened?
21:16I actually don't know whether it vomited up the quilt
21:20or shat out the quilt.
21:21Either way, I wouldn't buy it.
21:25But I would love it if someone watching this did buy it,
21:29because she seemed really nice,
21:30and I do feel like I was quite rude to her on the phone.
21:33I've been informed that Double Trouble and co.
21:36are in the crowd.
21:37They're here?
21:38Oh, hello!
21:40Nice to meet you.
21:43Thank you so much for knowing who I am.
21:46I really appreciate it.
21:48Do you think you would have known everyone on the panel?
21:53Wait, is that a gift for me?
21:59No, I just have to make lighthearted TV.
22:01I'm sorry.
22:01I love you.
22:05Oh, you've got so much coverage out of this ad.
22:07This is unbelievable.
22:10Wait, is that an iPhone?
22:12Do you want that?
22:24All right, well, I can't wait to see more ads,
22:25but first, let's watch some actual ads.
22:28More ads after these ads.
22:39Hello.
22:40Welcome back to Taskmaster.
22:41Before the break, Josh Thomas was dancing around
22:43and advertising cute little outfits for your dog,
22:46all part of a mandate from Channel 10
22:48to try harder to reach our rural bloke audience.
22:53All right, where we at?
22:54Our comedians have been tasked
22:55with making a convincing and effective jingle.
22:57Next up, making a jingle for Repressed Records,
23:00it's Jenny Tian.
23:02Repressed Records, Mitch speaking.
23:04Hey, Mitch, it's Jenny.
23:05I've got five minutes to talk to you
23:08and write you a jingle,
23:09so I hope it's OK if I ask a few questions.
23:12Yeah, go for it.
23:13What does your shop do?
23:14We're a records shop specialising in independent music.
23:18And why are you called Repressed Records?
23:21You know, the idea of, like, repression,
23:24psychological repression in music and things like that, I think.
23:29OK, so it's like a link to, like, punk music.
23:31One, two, three, four!
23:34Hit-off streaming!
23:36Yeah!
23:39Independent music!
23:41We've got blues and a guy named Mitch.
23:45Artists get paid fairly.
23:47Because streaming pays barely.
23:51Books, DVDs, records and record players.
23:54Your music, your beat, physically caressing.
23:57Because we have books and Japanese pressing.
24:00Yeah, it's sound, high quality.
24:03Repressed Records for all your music.
24:06We have feelings, but we repress them.
24:09Repressed Records are the best.
24:19That sounded like an actual radio ad from Community Radio.
24:23They do sound like that.
24:25You must have been pretty happy to luck into punk music,
24:29the genre which requires the least amount of singing.
24:32It actually took quite a while to figure out
24:35what exactly punk music was for me.
24:38Look, honestly, I was just impressed that I knew what a record was.
24:43Yeah, well, I was thinking about that.
24:45Like, have you ever bought a vinyl record in your life?
24:47No, have you?
24:48Uh, yeah.
24:49Oh.
24:50I don't know.
24:51Like, I just thought, like, maybe, like,
24:53because records, I just imagine them from, like,
24:54the 1920s or something, like.
24:58Are you thinking gramophone?
24:59Oh, yeah, maybe that's it.
25:02Isn't that the same thing?
25:03No.
25:05All right, DJ Cash Money, spin another one, please.
25:07Spin is a reference to a record, by the way.
25:09Go for it.
25:11He's a defiantly cheeky man.
25:13Let's watch this DCM sell DCM plumbing and drainage.
25:15It's Lloyd Langford.
25:17I have taken it upon myself
25:20to write a jingle for your business.
25:22You lucky boy.
25:23You're in the plumbing trade?
25:25Yes, that's right.
25:26We do all maintenance plumbing,
25:28so if you've got a blocked drain,
25:30you've got tree roots in your drain,
25:32if you've got a smelly drain,
25:33if your kitchen sink won't empty
25:36because the line's full of grease,
25:38we do gas as well,
25:40so if you've got a new gas cooktop
25:42or one that's not working,
25:43where your gas bottles need a certificate,
25:45they'll come and deliver some new bottles.
25:47We can unblock everything and anything.
25:50Yep, yep, yep.
25:51You've definitely given me enough material,
25:53I think, for 30 seconds.
25:55Wonderful.
25:56Bye.
25:57Never have I wished for a pen and paper more
26:00doing a conversation.
26:06If you've broke your toilet with your bum,
26:09we'll certainly come.
26:11Forget about your ass,
26:12we'll certificate your gas.
26:16Leaky tops, smelly tops,
26:17we'll fix our sink up.
26:20Tree roots,
26:22we'll fill our boots.
26:25If your drain is a pain,
26:26we'll plunge away your shame.
26:27I swear on my daughter,
26:29we'll sparkle up your water.
26:32DCM.
26:36For all your pipe-based needs.
26:42So, Lloyd,
26:43are you the only Welshman
26:44that can't sing?
26:45Because nationally,
26:46you're quite known for it,
26:48I feel.
26:48Yeah,
26:49I have no rhythm,
26:51musically,
26:52or in terms of dance.
26:54Talk us through this lyric,
26:56I like this one.
26:56I swear on my daughter,
26:57I'll sparkle up your water.
27:02DCM plumbing can fit,
27:03like,
27:04a special adapter on your top
27:06to give you sparkling water.
27:09Ah.
27:09Oh,
27:09I'm interested.
27:11Are you interested enough
27:13to put your daughter on the lawn?
27:16Yes.
27:20All right,
27:20another jingle,
27:21please,
27:22little man.
27:22For Little Lawn Distilling Company,
27:24he was big in the 90s,
27:25but can he jingle all the way?
27:26It's Will Anderson.
27:28Firstly,
27:28can you just tell me what you do?
27:30We make gin,
27:31um,
27:32absinthe,
27:32and we're releasing a whiskey
27:34very soon.
27:35We are based out of
27:36a tiny,
27:37heritage-listed cottage.
27:39It used to be a brothel.
27:40It used to be a brothel?
27:41What's the best-selling product?
27:43Probably Miss Yoko.
27:45Miss Yoko was
27:46the, uh,
27:47madame of the brothel.
27:49Okay.
27:49Um,
27:49so we named it after her.
27:51Thank you,
27:51Ashley.
27:52Have a good one,
27:52mate.
27:53Bye.
27:53When I say,
27:55hey,
27:55you say,
27:56ho,
27:57it's the story of the Little Lawn Distilling Co.
28:00Well,
28:00here's the story.
28:02Let me begin.
28:03It's the place to get
28:04all of your gin.
28:06But here's a tip.
28:08Don't drink alone.
28:10But contact them by email.
28:11They don't have a file.
28:13It used to be a brothel
28:14run by Miss Yoko,
28:16the perfect place for a pool or a poco.
28:19And I say,
28:20hey,
28:21you say,
28:22ho,
28:22it's the story of the Little Lawn Distilling Co.
28:25If you need the email,
28:27it starts with a hello,
28:29not hollow.
28:30When you get their drinks in your mouth,
28:31you'll never spit,
28:32just swallow.
28:35Word.
28:36Notorious.
28:43Well,
28:44Will,
28:44you do know it wasn't audio only,
28:46yeah?
28:47What is it?
28:48A jingle?
28:49Yeah.
28:49Like,
28:49a jingle is audio.
28:50I thought catchy.
28:51You kind of hum it all day.
28:53It's catchy.
28:53It'd be a good way.
28:54I would struggle to sing it ever again in my life.
28:59So,
28:59were you inspired by your time in commercial radios?
29:02Are you just making it all about the audio?
29:03Well,
29:04it was a jingle.
29:04So,
29:04I concentrated on the jingle.
29:07They cut out about seven minutes of the jingle.
29:10It was more like an opera,
29:13like a Tim Minchin style musical about the Little Lawn.
29:16It was a long rap.
29:17Yeah.
29:18It was Little Lawn.
29:21Yeah.
29:21I mean,
29:22on the one side,
29:22I do think it made me feel like Jenny was just a bit more punk.
29:25Yeah,
29:25but who was a record store?
29:27Mine was a,
29:28you've got to like,
29:29this is alcohol advertising,
29:31and you've got to do it in a responsible manner.
29:32You can't,
29:33one of the regulations says that you can't actually glamorize,
29:36the drinking of alcohol.
29:37That's an advertising regulation.
29:39So,
29:39I feel like I told you what the business was about,
29:42but without making it look attractive at all.
29:44LAUGHTER
29:46APPLAUSE
29:48All right,
29:49one more jingle then, please.
29:50And up last,
29:51for Framus Pictures Framing,
29:53it's Anne Edmonds.
29:55Thanks for calling, sir.
29:57I can't answer you at the moment.
29:58Please leave a message after the beep.
30:00Bye, Anne.
30:01BEEP
30:04Thanks for calling, sir.
30:05I can't answer you at the moment.
30:06LAUGHTER
30:08Looks like your client isn't answering.
30:10Hello?
30:12Hello?
30:13Who is it?
30:15Hello?
30:17Hello.
30:18My name is Anne.
30:20I'm a comedian.
30:22Hello, Anne.
30:24Where are you calling from?
30:26I'm calling from, um,
30:27the Taskmaster set.
30:29Oh, terrific.
30:30All right, darling.
30:31And what's happening?
30:32What can I tell you?
30:33Um, tell me about your, um,
30:34some of your most famous clients.
30:37BEEP
30:38LAUGHTER
30:39I'm making...
30:40I feel like I'm seriously disadvantaged here.
30:44LAUGHTER
30:45There's pictures can be hard to frame.
30:48So call up Gary Mitchell.
30:49He's top of his game.
30:51If he doesn't answer,
30:53try him again.
30:54If he doesn't answer a second time,
30:56phone a friend.
30:58If he doesn't answer a third time,
31:00don't despair.
31:01You can visit his shop.
31:02I don't know where.
31:04Gary, Gary, Gary,
31:06you're f***ing my task.
31:08But I'm sure you're good at framing,
31:10but kiss my arse.
31:12LAUGHTER
31:13Try Gary now, um,
31:16I don't know what phone number
31:18and I don't have a website
31:19and I don't know where his shop is.
31:23LAUGHTER
31:23Good on you, Gary.
31:25LAUGHTER
31:27LAUGHTER
31:27He really f***ed me over.
31:31LAUGHTER
31:33Answer the phone, Gary!
31:35LAUGHTER
31:36So did you realise it was a real business
31:39when you were calling?
31:40No, I thought it was one of your silly little tricks.
31:42I thought so, yeah.
31:42I thought you were doing.
31:43Either way, f*** him,
31:45because you didn't answer.
31:47He's just some...
31:48LAUGHTER
31:49Just some humble guy
31:50who owns a framed shop
31:51and you're like,
31:52f*** you, Gary.
31:54LAUGHTER
31:55LAUGHTER
31:55Frame this.
31:57LAUGHTER
32:00LAUGHTER
32:00OK, well, I've got to give out
32:01some scores, don't I?
32:02You do.
32:03All right, well, that's pretty easy.
32:04Will's on one.
32:05Fair.
32:06Anne literally told the person
32:08who runs the business,
32:08f*** off,
32:09and I agree with you.
32:10LAUGHTER
32:14Two points to Lloyd,
32:15because he didn't have the best singing voice
32:17that you might expect from Wales.
32:19Three points to Jenny.
32:21I thought it was a...
32:22I mean, it was a great effort,
32:23but also you were selling a product
32:24you didn't quite understand.
32:26Four points to Anne Edmonds,
32:27because we all got the message,
32:29Anne hates Gary.
32:30Yeah.
32:31But five points to Josh,
32:32because it was an absolute beauty.
32:34CHEERING
32:40So what are the scores so far for the episode?
32:42Jenny and Will are in hell on seven,
32:45but Anne and Josh are in heaven with 11.
32:47Hey!
32:49Those were some gateway jingles.
32:52Now let's get you hooked on the hard stuff.
32:55It's ad time.
32:55Get them up, yeah.
32:56See you soon.
32:58APPLAUSE
33:06Welcome back to Taskmaster.
33:08Five comedians are absolutely humbling themselves
33:11on national television.
33:12It's humiliating,
33:13but it's all for a great cause.
33:15One of them gets to win an onion.
33:20LAUGHTER
33:21And we apologise in advance.
33:23During this one,
33:23we had a few technical difficulties.
33:37Hello.
33:37Hi, Josh.
33:40Tamarind.
33:41Hey, Lloyd.
33:41Hello, Tom.
33:42Hey, Will.
33:43Oh, fishy.
33:44Oh, my God.
33:46Oh, it's not real.
33:47LAUGHTER
33:52What did the guy with the ladder look like?
33:57That's very good.
34:01How are you?
34:02Good.
34:03Oh, hold up.
34:06Is that meant to be happening?
34:08Oh, sorry.
34:10Is that meant to be...
34:15Sorry.
34:17Sorry.
34:17Shouldn't be doing that.
34:18OK.
34:19Sorry, man.
34:19No, it's all right.
34:21Sorry, man.
34:22Sorry, yeah.
34:23Listen, kid, man.
34:25LAUGHTER
34:27Hey, it's a wire.
34:29Um, I've got my screwdriver, but it's, um...
34:31I can grab it.
34:32Where is it?
34:32Yeah, man, it's in the bar, if you can.
34:34OK, yeah, yeah.
34:37LAUGHTER
34:37Data sensor in these, eh?
34:40LAUGHTER
34:41LAUGHTER
34:43It's a data sensor in these, eh?
34:48Are they LED or something?
34:51Or...
34:51Fluid.
34:52LAUGHTER
34:53If this is all part of it...
34:55LAUGHTER
34:57Awesome.
34:58We'll get to this one in here.
35:00It should be working in a jiffy.
35:03Yep.
35:04It's going to go in a jiffy also.
35:07Awesome.
35:08What?
35:09Back to my cave.
35:11Awesome, thanks.
35:13LAUGHTER
35:15All right.
35:16Let's do it.
35:17Righto.
35:18Let's have a look.
35:21What did the guy with the light look like?
35:24LAUGHTER
35:25Yeah, you got me there.
35:26Sketch there, likeness, all the cumless.
35:28Most accurate likeness wins.
35:29You have ten minutes.
35:30Your time starts now.
35:31I knew it was part of it.
35:32I suspected, but I didn't suspect enough.
35:36Damn it.
35:37All right, OK.
35:41I really enjoy we got to learn how much all of you respect the working class.
35:45The answer is...
35:46LAUGHTER
35:46None of you except Lloyd.
35:48Lloyd made a bit of small talk there.
35:49I said that the light was LED, and he goes, it's fluid, and I thought,
35:53it f***ing isn't.
35:56LAUGHTER
35:57So, Josh, you couldn't even bring yourself to make eye contact.
36:01LAUGHTER
36:02That was to be kind.
36:03You show your kindness by showing your back.
36:05Yeah, because if you're the lighting person on a TV show...
36:08I just want to be kind to you while you're talking to me.
36:11LAUGHTER
36:12LAUGHTER
36:13I was just trying to give him some privacy.
36:15All that man does is have lights on, and the lights weren't on.
36:19So I went and looked at the camera.
36:21I was doing that to be polite.
36:22I, on the other hand, never engage with the help.
36:25LAUGHTER
36:26There you go.
36:27I'm happy with that.
36:28Why did I?
36:29Sketching a bloke they've just been in a room with is easy, surely.
36:33Who's first?
36:33They're half of my favourite musical theatre quartet.
36:35From the hit group Andrew Lloyd and Webber, it's Anne and Lloyd.
36:40LAUGHTER
36:41What's that fish got to do with it?
36:43This man looked like this...
36:46He definitely had ears.
36:48So I reckon that's a sieve bit.
36:49And he had hands.
36:52He used them to fix the light, which was a trick.
36:56Ha-ha, guys.
36:57The thing is, I wasn't paying too much attention to him,
36:59cos I was like, I want to let him get on with his job, you know?
37:02I think he had a lot of tattoos, from memory.
37:05Do you draw much?
37:07Hmm?
37:08No, I don't draw much.
37:10He only had one knee, I remember that.
37:11What was happening on the other leg?
37:13I went too quick with a pen and I forgot to give my knee.
37:16I don't think he had any hair, the poor guy.
37:19Maybe.
37:20Just one?
37:21Little bubba hair.
37:22And he looked like that.
37:25You've got eight minutes and 50 seconds left.
37:27Eight minutes?
37:28That's crazy.
37:29You want to get the vibe of him, really, don't you?
37:31Rather than, like, an accurate...
37:33No, most accurate is literally the requirements of the title.
37:35No, but it has to encapsulate that certain Genesee choir that he had.
37:40So we're seeing the Genesee choir as we speak?
37:42Yeah.
37:43His name is Terry.
37:45Went to university, did an acting degree.
37:48There were very few jobs for actors.
37:51That's the number of jobs?
37:52Yep.
37:52So he has worked his way into a television set.
37:57Do you think he insisted to be part of this?
37:58I think he insisted to be here.
38:00I think he's dishonest.
38:02I think he's one of the worst.
38:03You feel cheated by him?
38:04Yeah, I feel cheated by you, him, the whole show is a lie.
38:10There's every part of a human being on there.
38:12I can think of perhaps a knee, you could add.
38:16Looks more like a boil.
38:18OK.
38:19It does kind of imply that the other one isn't.
38:23Also a knee.
38:26Thanks, lad.
38:27Oh, boy.
38:30Oh!
38:33Oh!
38:35I hate this show!
38:38Your depiction of the man, Anne,
38:40he looked like he was a blowy man who works in a car yard.
38:45Is that what you were going for, that kind of effect?
38:47I can't draw, so I preferred to just talk about his background.
38:51Yeah, so you started to do his CV almost, I felt.
38:53Well, how accurate was the CV?
38:55Well, you're right, he does work part-time as an actor,
38:58but he mainly owns a construction rental business.
39:01So failed actor.
39:03Well...
39:03Oh!
39:06Yeah, why don't you make a jingle for him while you're ready?
39:09LAUGHTER
39:11OK, now, Lloyd, I feel like you fell into Tom's trap of having to add another knee.
39:18LAUGHTER
39:18Did he have two knees?
39:22LAUGHTER
39:23He did, right?
39:24So quite a few, um, specific distinctive features that he had.
39:28A gold tooth, a hoopie earring, a mustard stain on his shirt,
39:31a wallet chain, a friendship bracelet with letters reading,
39:34I am the task...
39:35LAUGHTER
39:37LAUGHTER
39:37And...
39:38Two knees.
39:39LAUGHTER
39:40APPLAUSE
39:42All right, who's next?
39:43He's the most familiar with them.
39:45After all the time he's spent climbing the property ladder,
39:48it's Will Anderson.
39:49LAUGHTER
39:50He...he would still be here somewhere, right?
39:52There's no reason I can't go and have another...
39:54like, find him and see if, um...
39:56You might be under there?
39:57Like, you're the sort of person who would have, like,
39:58a photo of the guy who fixed the thing under there.
40:00LAUGHTER
40:01I'm just going to see if I can find that guy.
40:03OK.
40:03G'day, mate, how are you?
40:04Good, mate.
40:05How are you doing?
40:06Good.
40:07Would you be able to come back into the lab?
40:08I can do that if you want.
40:09Is that OK, please?
40:10Yeah.
40:11Thanks so much for, um, you know, fixing that thing before as well.
40:14Would you mind if I actually drew a little picture of you?
40:17It'd be lovely.
40:17Yeah.
40:18That's good.
40:19Do you have, like, a gold tooth or something like that?
40:20Like, a...
40:21Yeah, fantastic.
40:22Let's get the sunnies.
40:23Are the sunnies part of your personality is a general rule?
40:25Like, you'd...
40:25I'm very cool.
40:26Mate, that's the one thing that you do not need to tell me.
40:31That's a bloody cool earring.
40:32Tom, how long have I got?
40:33Oh, two minutes and 45 seconds.
40:34Two minutes.
40:35You know what?
40:35Let's get ambitious.
40:36Do you want me to pose or...
40:38Absolutely.
40:38Shape me.
40:39Let's give it like you're at a Taylor Swift concert,
40:41but you've taken your screwdriver.
40:42That's beautiful.
40:43Love everything about this.
40:44Bit of a stain here on the shirt, though.
40:46That's a man who works for a living.
40:47That's what I love about that.
40:49And this tattoo means something special to you, that one, does it?
40:52It means I'm from the 90s.
40:53Yeah, man.
40:54Me too, right?
40:55I was actually big in the 90s,
40:57but now I'm what they call a heritage act, I believe.
41:00So...
41:01You can put your arms down as well.
41:02I've got to be honest with you.
41:03It felt like you were being arrested.
41:06Great.
41:06Thanks, Tom.
41:09Thank you, mate.
41:15Great picture.
41:16Did a good job.
41:16Yeah, like, I mean, obviously,
41:18I don't have much, like, drawing ability either,
41:20but I will say it's heaps easier when he's right there.
41:22Just...
41:23I think it might have been the best so far.
41:25But in Will's picture, the man was cross-eyed.
41:30And had, like, an indistinguishable number of fingers on each hand.
41:36Didn't have any knees.
41:37To be fair, yeah, Will, he was knee-less.
41:40They were implied.
41:40I mean, I just assumed I didn't have to spell out
41:43that a guy who'd gone up a ladder had knees.
41:46The one thing you need to go up a ladder is knees.
41:49Like, I mean...
41:50All right, it's a fair point.
41:51Time for a quick break.
41:53We've got to check the data sensors in these bad boys above us
41:55and make sure they're still OK.
41:57Would you believe it?
41:58They're fluid.
41:59Back soon.
42:09Welcome back to Taskmaster,
42:11where five comedians are fighting for a chance
42:13to have their stuff fixed by Jenny Tien's dad.
42:17What are we up to?
42:18Our contestants are sketching a man with a ladder.
42:20Next up, we've got a youngster
42:22and someone who just acts like they're young.
42:23It's Josh and Jenny.
42:24Oh.
42:26So, the shorts looked like this.
42:29Oh, those are quite wide hips.
42:30He's bald, which is fine.
42:32Tom Gleeson.
42:33It's a choice you can make.
42:35Are there any clues?
42:37No.
42:38Are there any clues?
42:40Hmm.
42:43I just remember him sort of being orange.
42:45OK.
42:46I really didn't look at him.
42:48Can I find him and look at him again?
42:50I don't know where he's going.
42:51Might as well spend a few minutes trying to look for him.
42:55I couldn't just go back out there and look at him.
42:57Could I...
42:58Could I?
42:59Is he just out of here?
43:02Wait, he's in the shed.
43:04White glasses, pants, carabiner.
43:08No one's in orange at all.
43:10What did that guy look like?
43:12Was he...
43:13Is this the guy?
43:15Does it look like the guy?
43:18No.
43:21It looks like a different guy?
43:23Yeah.
43:28No.
43:29The aura is different.
43:31Hmm.
43:32Where could he be?
43:33Where could he be?
43:34That's a great question.
43:36So what are you changing?
43:37I added some glasses and then he had a carabiner.
43:39He had a very, like, you know, kind attitude that was like,
43:43oh, sorry, thanks for being patient.
43:45Sweet.
43:48How do you think you went?
43:49I probably didn't win.
43:51Why are you saying that?
43:53It's shit, isn't it?
43:55That's lunch, everybody!
43:56It's actually not.
43:57I'm sorry.
43:58It's actually not.
44:03So, Jenny, you do know that that was the same guy now, though.
44:07Yeah, but he was wearing sunglasses, so it was different.
44:10And by this point in the show, I had developed so many trust issues
44:16that I thought it couldn't be that easy.
44:19Jenny checked every room in the house.
44:23Jenny watches Superman and still doesn't know who Clark Kent is.
44:30Can we wrap up this storyline about the journalist?
44:33Get back to that hero.
44:39Now, Josh.
44:40What?
44:40You had the same idea.
44:42You went out to look for him as well.
44:43Yeah.
44:44And then after turning your back to him,
44:46you decided to not go anywhere near him.
44:48Well, it was raining, so I didn't go in the rain
44:51because it's not worth it.
44:56All right, well, let's have a look at all of them
44:57so that I can allocate some points.
45:00So we've got to go for details.
45:01It's tricky.
45:01Jenny's got no detail on the face there.
45:04Can I tell you how many distinctive features?
45:06Oh, that would be great, actually.
45:07That would help.
45:07So Lloyd identified five.
45:09Anne, two.
45:10Jenny got three details.
45:11Josh got four.
45:12Will got 11 distinctive features.
45:15When it comes down to details, I think it's pretty easy.
45:18I think we've got Anne on one point.
45:19Okay.
45:20Jenny on two.
45:20Josh on three.
45:21Lloyd on four.
45:22And I think the most detailed drawing,
45:24and also beautifully done,
45:25is five points to Will Anderson.
45:26Yes.
45:29Okay, take those scores
45:31and your hurt or unhurt feelings
45:33up on stage for our final task of the night.
45:36Up you go.
45:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:40Oh, I see we've got the teams back.
45:42We've got the discount wiggles
45:43and the premium economy hoolidoolies.
45:46What's going on, Tom?
45:47Will, could I ask you, please, to approach the podium?
45:50Sure.
45:51Go, Will.
45:54Select a book from the top two shelves of the bookshelf,
45:58then describe the word within it to your teammates.
46:01Your teammates will get a clue from the bookmark of your book.
46:05If your teammates correctly guess the word,
46:08you will get one point.
46:09However, if the opposing team also guess the word,
46:12you will instead lose one point.
46:14Most points wins.
46:15Could you please select a book from the top two rows?
46:18Yes.
46:18Keep it closed and hold out the book to your team
46:21to take the bookmark.
46:23And it could be anything, a thing, a place, an object.
46:25That's correct.
46:26Person.
46:26Yeah, you're describing words, Josh.
46:29All right, your 15 seconds starts now.
46:32It's something that you can order from online,
46:36but it's also a geographical...
46:40Lloyd and Jenny, please hold up your answer.
46:42Amazon is correct.
46:45Josh and Anne, please hold up your answer.
46:48Pizza.
46:49Pizza.
46:51That is incorrect.
46:53Anne, your 15 seconds starts now.
46:56The leader of America, no longer, and he's an orange man.
47:03Josh.
47:04Oh, that's correct.
47:08That's also correct.
47:10Jenny, please come to the podium.
47:14Your 15 seconds begins now.
47:21Juicy and sweet.
47:25That is correct.
47:27Yes.
47:28This is correct as well.
47:30Minus one point.
47:32No.
47:34Give the bookmark to Anne.
47:36Your 15 seconds starts now.
47:39OK, you watch it on the telly at, like...
47:45No, it must be perceivable by both teams.
47:48You'd watch it at 5pm on Channel 10
47:50or at different times on other networks.
47:53I got it.
47:54Anne, please show your answer.
47:56The news is correct.
47:59The news is correct.
48:02Your 15 seconds starts now.
48:05It is a place where we are...
48:11Australia.
48:12That is correct.
48:15What is your answer?
48:17Sydney.
48:18That is incorrect.
48:19Is this the last book?
48:20The final book.
48:21Your 15 seconds starts now.
48:24It starts with a D and ends in a G.
48:27Five seconds.
48:28Dog?
48:29Dog?
48:30Josh, please show your answer.
48:32Dog is correct.
48:36Wiggle.
48:39Show us your answers, please.
48:48All right, we'll come back down here for the scoring.
48:50It's time for an ad break.
48:51Go and watch those and we'll see you soon.
48:53Go and watch those and we'll see you soon.
48:58Go and watch those and we'll see you soon.
49:01Go and watch those and we'll see you soon.
49:01Go and watch those and we'll see you soon.
49:02Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia, where I've suddenly forgotten who I am and what day
49:07it is because of all the fun we've been having.
49:11Strange boy.
49:12What are we doing?
49:14We're going to be doing some scoring for the exciting live task we just witnessed.
49:17Okay, it's all coming back to me now.
49:19What happened in that live task?
49:21With the scores, please.
49:22Well, Josh and Anne wound up on negative one, but the winners, with the discount wiggles,
49:26with a meagre positive one!
49:33So I guess it is up to you, the Taskmaster, how many points to attribute to each team.
49:36Okay.
49:37Well, one team was clearly ahead, but I'm thinking they weren't twice as good as the other team.
49:42So I'm going to say 555-33.
49:45Okay.
49:45We'll take it.
49:48Before we announce the winner, would you like to know how the series is shaping up as a whole?
49:52Yes.
49:53Let me know.
49:53Okay.
49:54Well, he had a great episode today, but after three episodes, at the bottom, Josh is on 29 points,
49:59which is the worst start in the history of English-speaking Taskmaster worldwide.
50:07Josh, was worldwide humiliation what you were aiming for?
50:11I, um, can't tell you how much I thought I was going to win this series.
50:16Neck and neck at the top, Will is in second place with 50, but Lloyd's in front with 51 points.
50:22Okay.
50:24Nice.
50:24But let's not forget, an earwax remover is up for grabs.
50:29Lesser Tom, who won our episode?
50:31Taking victory on 18.
50:32It's our series leader, it's Lloyd Langford.
50:37Congratulations, Lloyd.
50:39Go claim your most useful thing.
50:42And that's it for another episode of Taskmaster Australia.
50:46We all learnt that hell hath no fury like Anne whose calls go unanswered.
50:51And we learnt if you wanted to commit a serious crime in Jenny's presence, you'll get away with it as
50:57long as your aura's off.
51:00Now let's give a big hand to our winner, Lloyd, and we'll see you again next week.
51:21I have a really good feeling about this one.
51:23Oh.
51:24We must be in for a real show.
51:28Let me out of this task, please.
51:31Yeah, you piece of shit.
51:32I think I really nailed it.
51:33It was probably the lowest point of the series.
51:35LAUGHTER
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