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Taskmaster AU S01E02
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00:12This is the best day of my life.
00:34Yes, hello and welcome one and all to Taskmaster Australia.
00:38Many months ago, I sent five comedians of varying levels of fame, success and hand-eye coordination
00:43to our private Taskmaster retreat to complete a series of complex tasks.
00:48Why would they put themselves through it?
00:50The answer is simple.
00:52To win this, my iconic head recreated in pure gold paint and medium heavy plastic.
00:58As they will be every week, our contestants are Daniel Walker, Kimmy Reese, Julian Morris,
01:07Luke McGregor and Naomi Riyama.
01:12Tonight I have the distinct pleasure of watching them attempt things and deciding who is good
01:17and who is shit.
01:19It's the job of a lifetime.
01:21Speaking of job of a lifetime, look who the work experience people have sent us today.
01:26It's a younger, keener Tom, my assistant Tom Cashman.
01:33Tom too will be keeping us up to date with stats and figures this evening.
01:37Have you got some good ones for us?
01:38I do have some good ones.
01:40Two minutes and 25 seconds.
01:42I've also got 71%.
01:44And if you think those are good, just wait until they're in context.
01:48Shall we dive into a task?
01:49Our first task is a prize task.
01:52So all five of our contestants have brought in a prize.
01:55The one that tickles the taskmaster the most will receive five points.
01:58The one that tickles him the least will get one point.
02:00Two, three and four points will also be given based on the level of tickling.
02:04The winner of tonight's episode will take home all five prizes.
02:08Okay.
02:08A brilliant system.
02:10Terribly explained.
02:12What have they brought in for us tonight?
02:15Our contestants have brought in what they consider to be the most satisfying thing to touch.
02:21I've always believed the most satisfying thing to touch is a nation's heart.
02:26Jimmy, what have you got?
02:27I have three children.
02:29Um, and I...
02:32I would like to redact this.
02:34I brought in kinetic sand, okay?
02:37Okay.
02:39This is everywhere in my house and it's very satisfying to touch.
02:42Long the kids are gone and I am still playing with the kinetic sand and it is very, very satisfying
02:47to touch.
02:47Okay, so even when your kids are out the door doing something else in your home alone,
02:51your first thing that you want to touch is kinetic sand.
02:56Uh, Luke, what have you got?
02:58I brought in the Union Valley spot on your hand.
03:02Oh.
03:04Sorry, can you just say that again, Luke?
03:06Can I...so this...I brought this...
03:09Um...
03:09This spot.
03:10Do you realise that spot is also on your own hand and you could have sat down...
03:15Sit down over there.
03:17Sit down.
03:19So it's supposed to relieve headaches and backaches?
03:23I'm not sure about this one.
03:24You're saying it's satisfying to touch, but you're touching yourself so you're also being touched.
03:28How much joy are you giving and how much are you receiving?
03:32You try it.
03:34Like...
03:35I don't want to try it.
03:37Uh, Nina, what did you bring in for us tonight?
03:41Uh, I brought in my ass!
03:47Moulded in one of those hand-pin-y thingies that you touch in the science shop.
03:53Okay.
03:53So you brought in a thing and you love it so much you don't even know how to name it.
03:56That's how often you use it.
03:58Well, I don't know.
03:59What do you call it?
04:00I don't know.
04:00You brought it in.
04:02On your shelf, what do you call it when you point to it?
04:05I typed in hand-pin mouldy thingy.
04:07Oh.
04:08And it came up.
04:09I really hope that you like it because there was a real pin in my ass.
04:16Don't applaud, you'll make it worse.
04:20Danielle.
04:20Um, I've brought in the most satisfying thing to touch, which is sensitive weed.
04:26The leaves open up and then when you touch them, they shut up like that.
04:30Oh.
04:31Yeah.
04:32You know what?
04:33The crowd's into it and I'm always swayed by the crowd.
04:36Thank God.
04:37It made athletics day at school entertaining for me.
04:40Okay.
04:41You just sit on the ground and stroke those plants.
04:44Okay.
04:44When you used to sit there stroking those plants, were you, I'm guessing you were on your own?
04:51There's a few other kids like me and if you could fit three kids around you would.
04:54If not, you'd be very protective of your patch of weeds.
04:57She wasn't doing shot put, she was staying put.
04:59Oh yeah.
05:00Um, am I allowed to make you lose points?
05:05Uh, Julia.
05:06Oh.
05:06Yes.
05:07Okay, so I got it in a towel.
05:09We weren't supposed to bring it in to the actual thing.
05:12I know.
05:12Otherwise everyone would have touched the kinetic sand and I would have won already.
05:15No, I brought mine in as well.
05:16Oh God!
05:21Okay, what is that?
05:22That's the prostate.
05:23Oh.
05:28Julia, I have to ask the obvious question.
05:31Have you touched one?
05:32Uh, I'm not legally allowed to talk about whether I've touched it or not.
05:37But that's it.
05:38And apparently, boom, crash opera.
05:40Alright.
05:41That's what I'm talking about!
05:43Alright, well I'm going to start at the bottom.
05:45I think Luke's on one, definitely.
05:47Because you just described touching your own hand.
05:50Do you want me to try?
05:51Do you want me to try?
05:51I guess...
05:51Alright, I'll try.
05:53One.
05:53There we go.
05:55At least I know how to de-stress.
05:58I feel like Julia I'm going to put on number two, because I feel like most of the pleasure
06:01is going to the person whose prostate is being touched.
06:04And then I'm going to put Jimmy at three.
06:07Okay.
06:07A for kinetic sand.
06:08Nina above that.
06:09Okay.
06:10And Danielle I'm going to give five points to, just because I feel sorry for her sitting
06:13on her own at an athletic stage.
06:16I'll take it!
06:17Danielle is off to a rousing start, but only one of our contestants will get to touch all
06:21these satisfying things.
06:23Oh, I'm ready for a proper meaty task, Lesser Tom.
06:26What have you got for me?
06:27Let's have a look.
06:47Hi, Danielle.
06:48Good morning.
06:49How are you, sir?
06:51I'm alright.
06:51Ooh!
06:52Dog collar.
06:53That takes me back, babes.
06:55Okay.
06:57Oh.
06:57What's that?
06:59Oh.
06:59The task.
07:00Oh.
07:00Oh, sorry.
07:00Oh, yeah.
07:00Got to read the letter.
07:01Oh, sorry.
07:01Oh, sorry.
07:01Oh, yeah.
07:01Got to read the letter.
07:05Let the cat out of the bag.
07:07Once you touch a bag, you must open it.
07:10Fewest bag openings wins.
07:13Your time starts...
07:14I can't...
07:14Your time starts...
07:16Your time starts...
07:17Your time starts...
07:18Meow.
07:19Is that...
07:20And that's now?
07:21Meow.
07:22Do you like that joke?
07:23Yeah, it's very clever.
07:25So, a pretty simple task here.
07:29We've got a hundred bags and you've got to find the cat while opening as few bags as possible.
07:33Whose attempt are we looking at first?
07:35He shares his name with Carr and Fallon, but he doesn't carey.
07:38It's Jimmy Rees.
07:41There's a cat in a bag.
07:42I get it.
07:42Okay, I've got it.
07:43The cat is...
07:45Here!
07:48Is that a cat?
07:49Don't think so.
07:51Is that a cat?
07:52Don't think so.
07:54Is that a cat?
07:55Don't think so.
07:56Right.
07:57I know you, Tom.
07:58There's a pattern to it all.
08:00A koala...
08:02With some milk.
08:04And there's a chicken with some milk!
08:06We've got...
08:07Milk!
08:08Milk!
08:09Milk!
08:10Ice!
08:11Ice!
08:12Baby!
08:12What?
08:14Sorry, I just thought it would be funny to say baby after you said ice twice.
08:17Okay.
08:19I've got it.
08:19I've figured it out.
08:20Okay.
08:21It's a game of warm cold.
08:23Warm cold.
08:23Chilli is hot.
08:24So I'm close over here.
08:26Dog has a...
08:28Chilli!
08:29So I'm...
08:30Getting warmer.
08:32There's a sausage.
08:33Yep.
08:34Or maybe it's a chorizo.
08:35That could be spicy.
08:36The chilis are here.
08:37There's sausage there.
08:40This one is...
08:42Can I get a drum roll please, Tom?
08:44This one is...
08:47A cat!
08:52Yes!
08:54Yes!
08:57Yes!
08:57I have found the cat!
08:59Yes!
09:02Yes!
09:03I'm a bit worried about your palate.
09:04Because at one point you picked up what was clearly a Frankfort and called it a spicy chorizo.
09:10It was near a chili.
09:11So I was like, I'm getting warmer.
09:13So you just willed it into being spicy.
09:15Basically!
09:16It wasn't cooked, it wasn't hot.
09:18What does a Frankfurt go in?
09:20Oh, go...
09:23Do you have any stats for us?
09:24I do.
09:25Jimmy opened a total of 22 bags.
09:29OK.
09:30Have we got time for another?
09:31We do.
09:31Hopefully killing won't be necessary and curiosity will just find the cat.
09:35It's Nina Oyama.
09:37So there's a cat in one of these bags.
09:40And I have to let it out?
09:43Is there, like, salsa in this bag?
09:46OK.
09:50Oh, it's a bunny!
09:52That's not a cat.
09:53You can see it in some of the bags.
09:54I think I've seen it in this one.
09:56Ooh.
09:57No, definitely not.
09:59Oh, maybe we're in business.
10:01Oh, shit!
10:03Come on!
10:04Come on!
10:05Come on!
10:06Is this a cat?
10:10Oh, cool!
10:11How do you feel?
10:12I feel like I won this one.
10:15I feel like I might win this whole show.
10:19Right.
10:20Yeah.
10:21You're that confident just after this?
10:22Yeah.
10:23I'll bet you $50.
10:24$50.
10:25Good.
10:26Have a good day.
10:31You seem genuinely disappointed that you did well.
10:34Yeah, because I always think I'm going to fail and then when I do okay I'm like, what the hell?
10:38Like, that's not supposed to happen.
10:41Speaking of disappointment, I don't know how you'd feel spending hours putting different foodstuffs and different soft toys in bags
10:48only for someone to just look through the little hole in it.
10:53Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you...
10:58Stats?
10:58Nina opened two bags in total.
11:05All right.
11:06We're due a break.
11:07More comedians opening bags filled with soft toys and foods of varying temperatures after this.
11:12Television doesn't get any more exciting.
11:13See you soon.
11:25Welcome back to Taskmaster Episode 2, the long awaited sequel to Episode 1.
11:31We are smack bang in the middle of a riveting task, aren't we Tom?
11:34Well, that's subjective, but I think so.
11:37Our contestants are in the middle of trying to get a cat out of a bag while limiting their number
11:42of bags opened.
11:43Nina, two bags Oyama, is currently in the lead.
11:47Let's see some more cat hunting.
11:49Who have you got?
11:49It's Luke and Danielle.
11:51Okay, cat, cat.
11:54It's not alive, is it?
11:56Are you kidding?
11:58Um...
11:58What are you thinking?
11:59I was like, um, maybe there'd be something to give me a clue somewhere.
12:04Oh, right.
12:07That's a cat.
12:08That's a cat?
12:09Yeah, that's a cat.
12:09It doesn't look like it, but it's a cat.
12:11Oh, I didn't even think of that.
12:13They spell out something, right?
12:14They must spell out...
12:16Is that an arrow?
12:17Oh, no.
12:18You've just spelt cat.
12:19Oh, it's in the shape of a cat head.
12:21I'm gonna go upstairs and look down.
12:22Maybe there's something I'm missing.
12:26It spells cat.
12:28And then there's a...
12:29Okay, okay, okay.
12:31Oh, that's an arrow.
12:35To this one.
12:37I think you'll find the cat is in this bag.
12:41Bye-bye!
12:48Are you happy?
12:49Yeah.
12:50Yeah.
12:50Yeah, upstairs, I said, is it a big task?
12:53Because if it was a big task, I was gonna go to the toilet.
12:54I'm done.
12:55So you didn't go to the toilet?
12:56No, I did.
12:57But I didn't even need to.
12:59Oh.
13:00Thank you very much.
13:01You're welcome, buddy.
13:02Here if you need.
13:09Jimmy and Nina, are you still feeling clever?
13:11Sorry.
13:13Did you remove the arrow for when I went up and looked on the roof?
13:16Damn it!
13:17No, the arrow was definitely still there.
13:20While you were walking all over it, playing hot and cold for no reason.
13:25Just out of curiosity, how many of you thought it would be a live cat?
13:28How many of you were looking for a bag that was just, like, wiggly?
13:32I thought just in case I should find it fast.
13:36You were worried about its safety?
13:37Yeah.
13:38Unfortunately, it was already dead and stuffed.
13:42Danielle, you were so quick when you did the task
13:45that we could include a minute of inane chat about you going to the toilet or not.
13:49I was pretty good.
13:51So you didn't go, is that right?
13:52I peed before nearly every task, just in case, you know,
13:56because you never know if you need to go.
13:58But we shot, like, 12 tasks a day.
14:01Do you have a UTI?
14:03No, never had one because I keep it clean and flowing.
14:06Would you like to know how many bags were open?
14:08Yes.
14:09Luke opened four bags in total.
14:12Danielle opened the cat on her first bag opening.
14:20So there must be one more left.
14:23Maybe they've done even better.
14:26Maybe.
14:27This contestant has the same first name as my eldest cousin.
14:30It's Julia Morris.
14:33Here we go.
14:33What am I doing?
14:34Stop mucking around.
14:35Oh.
14:36Oh.
14:36No.
14:37That's a seal.
14:38I feel like it's over here.
14:40Hang on.
14:40Does it say something?
14:43A-T-C-A-T.
14:45Someone has reached out to the shareholders today.
14:47That's a lot of bags, babe.
14:49Oh, here's a little sweetie.
14:50It's a monkey, babe.
14:51Here we go.
14:52Oh, look at that.
14:53Oh, Lammy.
14:55Hey?
14:56I mean, it takes ages to get rid of him.
14:58I feel like there's a close-up over here that I can get on board with.
15:02Sweet bear.
15:04It's another monkey.
15:05Have we got time to stop for a dronie?
15:07What's that?
15:11Dronies.
15:11Everyone's talking about them.
15:13I want to see if there's any rhyme nor reason to it.
15:15So it doesn't feel like there is.
15:18Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
15:20Where's the kitty?
15:21Where's the kitty?
15:21Where's the kitty?
15:22It could be here, babe.
15:26The drone hasn't got it, has it?
15:28Another cat.
15:30Doesn't have the cat.
15:31Pussy cat.
15:32Where would the cat be?
15:34That's an elephant.
15:35Bear bear.
15:36Froggy.
15:36Koala.
15:37It's a bear that has returned from war.
15:39Bear with no eyes.
15:41Grasshopper.
15:41Hi, Jackie.
15:42No!
15:43They don't call it a snow leopard for nothing.
15:47I think that's a wombat.
15:48Hello, Lammy.
15:49Polar bear.
15:50A red whale.
15:51Oh, you haven't gone up into this corner much.
15:54Here we go.
15:55Hello.
15:55Meow.
15:58Who's this?
15:58Who's his?
15:59Who's that?
16:04And as for you, one last dronie.
16:07How many people are cool enough for a dronie, babe?
16:09Just you and me.
16:12I could happily watch you, Julia, waving cluelessly at a drone all day.
16:17I kept thinking, well, if the drone's flying, there's something to see from up there.
16:23Interestingly enough, you're only there for 20 minutes and four seconds.
16:26Oh.
16:27You took less time than Jimmy, but you opened way more bears.
16:32How many?
16:33How many did I open?
16:35You opened 71 bears.
16:41I mean, no wonder I was tired.
16:45In last place, I think we know who it is.
16:47With one point, Julia.
16:48Two points to Jimmy.
16:49Three to Luke.
16:50Four to Nina.
16:51And the winner of the task is Danielle with five points.
16:56All right.
16:57What's that done for our scoreboard?
16:59Leading this episode is Danielle with 10 points.
17:05Okay.
17:06Onwards, it's the march.
17:07I'd like more tasks.
17:08Okay.
17:09I suppose I better bring, bring, bring, bring you another one.
17:27All right.
17:31This is hanging and chilling.
17:33Mmm.
17:38This is exciting, this one.
17:40Call an older family member and make them hang up on you.
17:44If they suspect you want them to hang up on you, you will be disqualified.
17:51Fastest wins.
17:52Your time starts when they answer the call.
17:54Oh my gosh.
17:57This is...
18:00It's hard.
18:04Oh, excuse me.
18:06Oh, my girlfriend's calling and she says she'd like to see Nina and Jimmy.
18:12Okay.
18:13Oh God, I really hope this works.
18:17Hello.
18:18Hi.
18:20Hello.
18:21Hi.
18:21Ah, Jimmy.
18:23Hello.
18:24How are you?
18:25That's a pleasant surprise.
18:27Hello.
18:30Hello.
18:32Oh, you keep cutting out.
18:34Where are you?
18:35Just, I'm...
18:37Plane.
18:38Oh?
18:39A plane.
18:40Are you?
18:4035,000 feet up my...
18:44Oh, so that's why you're cutting out.
19:06Are you in the toilet?
19:13Can't even hear you now.
19:23Hello?
19:37I feel like how often you ring that relative would affect how quickly they would hang up.
19:41Is that someone you talk to often, Jimmy?
19:43Um, yeah.
19:47She's here.
19:48Is that the person you called?
19:49That's my auntie, she's here.
19:50Hi!
19:54Really?
19:54Yes!
19:55Oh!
19:56What were you thinking?
19:57I was surprised when he called.
20:00So I rambled on about, oh, I love your book.
20:04I feel like we're reliving the phone call.
20:07What about you, Nina?
20:08How often do you talk to that relative?
20:09I called my friend, Bec, who's my chosen family, and I call her all the time.
20:12And she was like, I was really worried that you were in danger.
20:16But then she hung up after like a minute.
20:17So I was like, couldn't have been that worried.
20:21And she's here to know!
20:23No, um, she didn't want to come.
20:26So Jimmy achieved a hang up in two minutes and 25 seconds.
20:30Nina achieved it in one minute and eight seconds.
20:37Here's a great opportunity for you at home to call your loved ones.
20:41Make sure they hang up within three minutes,
20:42because we'll be back on your TVs then.
20:44See you soon.
20:56Welcome back to Taskmaster as we grow ever closer to finding out
21:00who will win an imprint of Nina Ayama's bottom.
21:03But first we need to see more comedians disappointing their families.
21:08That's right.
21:09Our contestants are trying to get an older family member
21:11to hang up on them as quickly as possible.
21:14This next contestant's phone number has two zeros, a three,
21:17four eights, a five, a seven, and two nines.
21:20But not in that order.
21:21Here's Denia Walker.
21:25Can't type in Nana.
21:27It's going to be your actual name.
21:32Hello?
21:35Hello.
21:36How are you?
21:37How are you?
21:38How are you?
21:41Hi.
21:47You there, Dan?
21:54Dan?
21:58Hello.
22:00Where are you, Dan?
22:03Hello?
22:04I can't do it.
22:05Hey, Nana.
22:06I can't do this.
22:07I think Nana's worried.
22:07Hey, Nana.
22:08I'm so sorry.
22:09I'm filming something.
22:09Sorry, I've got to be disqualified from that,
22:11because I was stressed out and Nana was worried.
22:13My Nana would definitely think I was on drugs if I thought I was doing that.
22:16Okay.
22:16Sorry, Nana.
22:17I'll talk to you later.
22:18I love you.
22:19Hi, Nana.
22:21I'm so sorry.
22:22That's okay.
22:23Did that?
22:23She seemed like she was freaking out.
22:25I knew I'd get like 35 calls from the family.
22:27You were making concerning noises.
22:30I know.
22:30Why did I do that?
22:32That was the worst tactic.
22:34Oh, boy.
22:39To be fair, you sounded like you were having a medical emergency.
22:44I was going to not say anything.
22:46And then as soon as Nana answered, I was like, I can't.
22:51I can't not say anything.
22:53And then I went off and I was terrified I was going to give her a heart attack.
22:56And then she'd call my mum and my mum would have a heart attack.
23:00And, oh, I was so scared.
23:03Well, it's admirable how much you care about your family,
23:05but unfortunately it counts for nothing on this show.
23:08I think it's fair to say you're disqualified.
23:10We're not going to give her an extra point for being cute?
23:15Beep, beep, beep, beep.
23:21I've heard what the crowd thinks, and the answer's no.
23:26All right, who's up?
23:27This next contestant loves phones so much she has two
23:30but won't tell me what the second one's for.
23:32It's Julia Morris.
23:33Yeah.
23:35OK, here we go.
23:48Oh, that's, hello, hello.
24:01It's not a great task from me, output-wise.
24:04Mm.
24:05But it did the trick.
24:10I must say, themes emerging, Julia, you seem to do the best
24:13when you put in the least amount of effort.
24:15Oh, welcome to my career, Tom.
24:18I have watched it and I have noticed that.
24:22I get the feeling that you bum-dial a lot of people
24:24because they hung up so quick.
24:25I feel like that's happened to this person so many times.
24:28I'm going to be perfectly honest with you.
24:29I am turning 55 any second, right?
24:32So, most of my older relatives are dead.
24:34OK.
24:35And I thought, who can I call that's going to hang up immediately?
24:38So I called my agent.
24:44Her agent hung up after 17 seconds.
24:50Stayed on for a while.
24:52It's Last Call, everyone.
24:53And it's Luke McGregor.
24:55OK, I'm going to call Mum because she's retired.
24:57So she'll probably pick up.
24:59Mm-hm.
25:00And then I'll just try and wrap it up.
25:02Mm-hm.
25:04Hi, Dean, how are you going?
25:06Good.
25:06What are you up to today?
25:07Oh, just, just, just laying low.
25:10Not much loss happening here at the moment.
25:12Just looking up recipes on the computer.
25:15Oh, right, yeah.
25:16I mean, yeah, that sounds like something you've got to focus in on.
25:18And once you do that, you're like,
25:19I don't want anything to distract me while I'm doing that, so.
25:22Oh, no.
25:23You're strapped away.
25:25Great.
25:26Are you just at home at the moment, are you, Dean?
25:28Uh, yeah, yeah.
25:29Just, just, just, just laying, laying low.
25:33How did you date with the girl in Sipigo, by the way?
25:36Um, yeah, good, thanks.
25:39Uh, but, um, I'll see you in, in person.
25:42Well, what's the weather like up there at the minute?
25:44Rainy?
25:46It's, it's pretty overcast.
25:48Yeah, the weather's down here.
25:50Just got, got dark, all of the sun's down here.
25:53So you'd rather just go out for dinner for your birthday.
25:55You don't want us to get you something.
25:57No, I'm just, you know, whether you guys, that is, that is present or not.
26:00Don't want to burn all the conversation now either,
26:01because we, uh, got to save it for that, for that dinner.
26:04So, not that I want to get off the phone or anything, but, uh.
26:10Cillia's baby is cute.
26:12Cillia's baby is cute.
26:13Yeah.
26:14They've gone down so much though, haven't they, Shares?
26:16Shares have gone down, yeah.
26:17And Avatar's coming out again.
26:19Really looking forward to seeing that one.
26:21Really?
26:21I mean, the first one, I didn't feel like it needed a sequel.
26:24But, um, anyway, don't want to get, don't want to get lost in the weeds on that one.
26:27You don't really see many 3D movies anymore.
26:30They, they don't seem to bring them out.
26:32Oh, sorry mum, I'm just going to, I've just got to double check something.
26:34I'm just going to mute you for one second.
26:36Can I tell them, like, can I say, like, well, can I do...
26:39It's up to the task force though.
26:41Oh, I can't.
26:42And, um, and that, you know, they, they, they, they've got, I've got...
26:45I'm back.
26:45Do we break up, do we?
26:47Oh, no, no, sorry.
26:48I was just, uh, I was just checking how much battery I had left.
26:50Um, uh, and I'm doing pretty good.
26:55Ah, good.
26:56Yeah.
26:57Sorry, I had my Facebook hacked the other week.
27:00Yeah, right.
27:01Did they post anything weird or...?
27:02No, just, they were just sending out friends' requests.
27:05But it took me a while because I couldn't remember what the password was.
27:08Well, don't, don't say that loud.
27:10You never know who's, who's listening.
27:11So...
27:12It's actually now that do, so...
27:14I can't, this will never stop.
27:15I'm not going to the game when I'm in Melbourne though.
27:18Oh, yeah.
27:19It is, yeah.
27:20Been amongst the crowd.
27:26Yeah, it's just good being amongst the crowd, isn't it?
27:28Oh, absolutely.
27:30Anyway, I'd like to let you go.
27:33Um, yeah, okay, yeah.
27:34Yeah, no, you have to go, uh, you have to go.
27:37Um, thank you for talking to me.
27:38I really appreciate it.
27:39Um...
27:39Thanks, thank you for ringing.
27:41Um, love you guys.
27:44Love you too, matey.
27:46Bye.
27:47Have a good weekend.
27:49You too.
27:51See you, dear.
27:51Thanks again for calling.
27:52No worries, Mum.
27:53Good talking to you.
27:55You too.
27:56Bye, sweetie.
27:57Bye.
28:02Bye.
28:04Bye.
28:05Bye.
28:11It's a, uh, it's a close race.
28:15Uh, the phone call went for exactly 20 minutes.
28:23I counted.
28:24You covered a total of 34 topics, including the share market, the weather, Wendy Harmer,
28:32what Luke wants for his birthday, and last year's Optus privacy breach.
28:38All right, we've got our times.
28:40How do they all score up?
28:41Oh, so Danielle has been disqualified.
28:43Luke receives two points.
28:44Jimmy with three.
28:45Four for Nina.
28:45So the winner of this task is Julia with five points.
28:53I'm going to give our cast a minute to repair their relationships with their families.
28:57See you soon with more Taskmaster right after this.
29:10Welcome back to Taskmaster, the only show to turn ringing your mum into a competitive sport.
29:16What could possibly be next?
29:17What's next is another task.
29:19Apologies in advance to any trees watching.
29:37I'm coming!
29:38Woo!
29:40Hi Julia.
29:42Hi baby boy!
29:43Hi!
29:44G'day mate!
29:47What's this?
29:49I want your paper.
29:51Do the bravest thing with this ream of paper.
29:54Bravest thing wins.
29:57You have 20 minutes.
29:58Your time starts.
30:03Now.
30:04Alright, let's go.
30:06Memoirs.
30:07Let's go.
30:08No, I'm just kidding.
30:09Just so I've got some thinking time, let's make a paper airplane.
30:12See if you can go the furthest.
30:15Swimming with sharks, but only protected by paper.
30:18Do you have a shark?
30:19No.
30:20No.
30:20One.
30:21Two.
30:22Three!
30:24Eat shit.
30:27Alright, now the task.
30:31You could argue that it was brave of Luke to allow himself to be filmed for a
30:35flying such a piece of shit paper plane.
30:38Would you like to see what he did?
30:40Uh, yes.
30:40Alright, I'll do you one better.
30:42Here's Jimmy and Luke.
30:44Is it just doing a brave thing holding a ream of paper?
30:48And that could be interpreted that way, couldn't it really?
30:51Do the bravest thing with this ream of paper.
30:53What does bravery mean to you?
30:55Well, facing your fears.
30:57One of my fears is actually being like poked in the eye with a spoke of an umbrella.
31:01Has that happened to you?
31:02It was just a recurring dream that just happened.
31:04In the dream it was like poof.
31:06Mmm.
31:07Mmm.
31:07You could be the gauntlet of umbrella spokes and I could face my fears with this ream
31:12of paper.
31:13I guess if I wrapped my head in paper and I just went for a long walk that would scare
31:17me.
31:18But is that brave to do that or is that dumb?
31:20They're not mutually exclusive.
31:22Yeah, yeah.
31:23You could go crazy and then we'll have one last one where, you know like Mission Impossible
31:26where the knife that goes like near his eye?
31:29Oh.
31:29Like that?
31:30Yeah.
31:30Sorry, I'm thinking it might be fun to have obstacles on the way.
31:34Okay.
31:36Final boss?
31:36Final boss.
31:37Okay, let's wrap my head in paper.
31:39Okay.
31:39So it's a busy city.
31:40It's just started raining and everyone's getting their umbrellas out.
31:44Just draw a brave face on that.
31:45A brave face?
31:46But be quick about it because we only got four minutes.
31:47Okay.
31:47Yeah.
31:48This is...
31:49This is...
31:53Is that marker safe to breathe in?
31:55What does it say?
31:56It says Sharpie permanent marker, fine point, safe to breathe.
32:01Bullshit.
32:02Okay, so Tommy you're going to lead me to the truck.
32:03Okay, quick.
32:04And then I'll walk back into the caravan.
32:06Oh, this is a big one.
32:08Does he know where he's going?
32:09Alright, don't tell me if I'm going to hit something.
32:11Okay.
32:11How much time we got left?
32:12One minute and 19 seconds.
32:14One minute and 19 seconds?
32:15Oh, this sucks.
32:19I'm never going to make it.
32:21No.
32:22No, no, no.
32:23No!
32:23The wing's got it!
32:27Oh my gosh.
32:29Thanks Luke.
32:30Am I close?
32:31Kind of.
32:33Are you ready?
32:34Yeah, I'm a bit nervous but it's okay.
32:41You feel like you're too close.
32:45Thank you Tom.
32:51Luke, I feel like for you the bar was pretty low.
32:54Like you seemed pretty easily frightened.
32:55At one stage you were scared of a texter.
32:58Well, the fumes were quite strong and I was worried that would be poisonous.
33:02So that was quite brave.
33:05Now I'd say that for most people, wrapping paper around your head and walking around
33:09a yard isn't that frightening.
33:11So it was more of an internal struggle.
33:13Yeah, um, once I'd sort of breathed in the fumes I actually felt quite relaxed.
33:18So Jimmy, you just kind of did something brave while holding the paper.
33:22Yeah, well all the information was in the task and that's, you just said, just with a
33:27ream of paper.
33:28To be fair the paper did really have nothing to do with the task but you are claiming it
33:32didn't have to be.
33:32But if I knew that it would have been way easy to walk without my head covered in paper.
33:36Actually, that's true.
33:37You could have just held a ream of paper, sat down in a chair and been anxious.
33:45Whose paper bravery is up next?
33:47They're not a four, but they're both a force to be reckoned with.
33:51It's Nina and Julia.
33:5320 minutes.
33:54Have I got a printer?
33:55Yeah, I think we could get you a printer.
33:56I'd like a printer.
33:57Like bravery to me is like vulnerability, which is kind of cringe now that I think about
34:03it.
34:03In terms of feeling really brave, talking about politics I suppose.
34:08That's bravery?
34:09I think it is.
34:10I don't, so that feels super nervous to me.
34:13So I'm leaning into vulnerability.
34:16Oh right.
34:17I vote.
34:21Left wing.
34:22Wow.
34:23I've never said that out loud.
34:24Oh my God.
34:26What am I doing with my life?
34:29I need some rocks.
34:31I'm going to do a what I stand for.
34:33Okay, well this feels pretty brave to me.
34:35I could throw up on the table.
34:36I think we should be a republic.
34:41Yes.
34:43You know I'm never going to be invited anywhere again.
34:45Wait, can you just like dump them like here and then can you get more rocks?
34:49Oh right, yeah.
34:50Yeah.
34:51I decided to go with like a very honest embarrassing message and now I'm regretting it.
34:55I should have just written something funny.
34:57No, I don't care.
34:58I don't care.
34:58Killing misogynists.
35:00Okay.
35:00Because that's probably too far isn't it?
35:02I think the former government has caused a lot of damage that needs cleaning up.
35:05I really want to use the word .
35:07Oh my God.
35:08Imagine if I just put my phone number.
35:10Like I'm self aware about how cringe this is, but I just genuinely didn't have any ideas.
35:16America's rights.
35:18What if the taskmaster disagrees?
35:19He's a rich white man.
35:22Here's some things that I stand for.
35:27Anyway, this is my last job.
35:29Just wanted to say I've really enjoyed my career.
35:31This is my bravest thing.
35:42Nina, was that a droney?
35:44That was a droney!
35:45Now, it was nice to see you being vulnerable.
35:49I think the audience always liked that.
35:50Yeah, that's why I did it.
35:51It's not because I ran out of ideas or anything.
35:53Would you care to elaborate on the heartbreak?
35:56Um, I just went through a breakup and I just wanted to say something that was like vulnerable
36:00and relatable and like I cry when I masturbate was too long.
36:06There you go.
36:08She's back.
36:10We were worried that you were going to be sincere there for a second.
36:13But you fixed it, didn't you?
36:14I really appreciate it.
36:16Because we're a comedy show.
36:19Julia, people at home will be so inspired by just how brave you were as a woman who works in
36:24the arts being vaguely left wing.
36:26I know!
36:28You know what?
36:29There's an interesting thing that happens, I think, with people who have been on television for a long time.
36:33Yes.
36:33You move from you care about the workers because you are to I've got an investment property and I need
36:39to protect that so that's going to change my politics.
36:41Right.
36:41I feel like you're mistaking this show for the project.
36:47Okay, more ream-based bravery in but a moment.
36:50We'll be back soon with more Taskmaster.
36:52Get excited!
37:01Look, I know you're watching it now, but how about watching more later?
37:04Catch every moment of triumph and utter humiliation of Taskmaster Australia with full episodes of 10play.com.au or the
37:1010play app.
37:17Welcome back to Taskmaster where five contestants are trying their hardest to win Julia Morris' prostate.
37:23God, I hope you didn't just join us in that ad break.
37:27Tom Cashman?
37:28Get us up to speed.
37:29Okay, so like a prostate, it's kind of like up and then...
37:33Our contestants are trying to be brave with a ream of paper.
37:36Just one remaining?
37:37That's right.
37:38Plucky, courageous, fearless, these are all synonyms for brave, but whether they apply to our next contestant,
37:43remains to be seen.
37:45It's Danielle Walker.
37:46I could write a list of my fears.
37:49What are you scared of?
37:50That you're a kanji jellyfish.
37:51Right.
37:52I don't like the way your centipedes move.
37:56I guess also it's pretty brave for me to go face to face with those geese as well.
37:59I might attack the geese.
38:00I'm going to go take these so I can quickly make a sword.
38:02I've got 20, how long do I have left now?
38:03About 14 minutes and 39 seconds.
38:05My mum's friend Deb, her geese kept on killing all her chickens.
38:09Like they were very aggressive.
38:10And so she offered to give them to my grandad.
38:12Do you fear your grandad's geese?
38:14Yes, because my nana said that they took a chunk out of the back of her leg.
38:17They attacked her, but she doesn't blame the geese.
38:19What bit of her leg?
38:20Just the back.
38:22The calf.
38:23Yeah, the calf, I guess.
38:25Okay.
38:26You ready?
38:27Yeah.
38:27Great, let's go.
38:29Honk honk.
38:31What are you yelling?
38:32Honk honk.
38:33Oh, I see.
38:34Honk honk.
38:36Come over here so I can fight you.
38:39Honk honk.
38:43Do you have any strategies for when you attack?
38:46Um, I'm just going to honk at them.
38:48Right.
38:49Honk.
38:50Woo.
38:51This is getting real now, it's a bit spooky.
38:54Honk honk.
38:55Honk.
38:57Honk.
38:57Honk.
38:57Honk honk.
39:07I beat them.
39:08You beat them?
39:09Yeah, they fall away.
39:11Okay.
39:12They babbed down to me.
39:13Thanks, Danielle.
39:15Bye.
39:20I feel like I could judge your attempt,
39:22but I'd prefer to just hear more about a goose taking a chunk out of your grandma's leg.
39:26How big was the chunk?
39:27Oh, like, that big?
39:29Like, I guess, like, a 50-cent piece, but circum...
39:32Like, geese-about size.
39:36Well, you might think I'm going to judge you harshly,
39:38but I've been attacked by geese as well.
39:40It's frightening.
39:41They really come at you.
39:42They're going to tear you limb from limb.
39:46All right.
39:47Well, I think, Julia Morris, I'm going to put on one.
39:50Because I know that for you it felt really brave...
39:52Yes.
39:53..for you to say that you were slightly left-wing,
39:55that we couldn't quite nail down.
39:56No, it was worth completely losing my career for one point.
40:00I...absolutely.
40:01No, it was absolutely worth it.
40:02Next up, I did think that geese are very frightening.
40:05Danielle, you're on two,
40:06because I think you didn't get close enough to get genuinely scared.
40:08They flew off before you really faced your fears.
40:10I went down there with the intention.
40:12And that was scary.
40:15I think it was as scary as you looking at them at a zoo.
40:19LAUGHTER
40:20Yeah, so you're on two.
40:21And then, Nina, I'm putting you on three,
40:24because you were vulnerable.
40:25But was I brave?
40:26Uh, not really.
40:28LAUGHTER
40:29And Jimmy, I'm putting on four,
40:31even though you were just facing your fear holding some paper.
40:33Rules are rules.
40:34It satisfied the actual original task,
40:36even though it was disappointing.
40:37LAUGHTER
40:38And, uh...
40:39I just want to take a moment to say
40:40that I think that Luke was the bravest of all.
40:42And, um...
40:43He faced the biggest fears that we all face,
40:45and that is what's inside us.
40:47LAUGHTER
40:49So, tell me, Tom,
40:50what does that do to our overall scores?
40:52In the lead, with 15 points, it's Nina Oyama!
40:55LAUGHTER
40:58APPLAUSE
40:58It's clear what everyone has to do.
41:00Let's head upstairs for a live task!
41:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:06Tom, I'm deeply intrigued.
41:08What's going on here?
41:08This live task doubles as catering for the cast.
41:11Could you all please put on your mitts?
41:14Oh.
41:14OK.
41:15They have, like, chopsticks in them.
41:17That's correct.
41:18Danielle, could you please read the task?
41:20Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
41:21LAUGHTER
41:22LAUGHTER
41:23Need a hand?
41:24I don't know.
41:25How about I break the thing?
41:27There we go.
41:29Wearing your chopstick gloves,
41:31de-pineapple the pizzas
41:33and put the pineapple in your bowls.
41:36If you want a new pizza,
41:37you may request one from Tom C
41:39by asking him accurately and politely in Italian.
41:43LAUGHTER
41:44The contestant with the most pineapple juice extracted wins.
41:50Sorry.
41:52LAUGHTER
41:52After the task is complete,
41:54we will be juicing your pineapple.
41:56Great.
41:57You have 120 seconds.
41:59Your time starts when Tom C blows his whistle.
42:02Oh.
42:02Tom.
42:02So, like, full Italian or, like, Chris Pratt as Mario?
42:06LAUGHTER
42:07The accent is not a must,
42:09but the Italian must be accurate.
42:13Hey, yikes.
42:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:49It's me wanting a pizza.
42:52It's me wanting a pizza.
42:53Let's see.
42:54Quick, quick.
42:55Get out of it!
42:56I want a pizza.
42:58I want a pizza.
42:59Prego, prego.
43:00Grazie.
43:01This is the longest three minutes of my life.
43:05Andepri pizza.
43:06Andiamo, Tom Cashman.
43:08Grazie, grazie.
43:09Oh, sorry.
43:10Shut up, shut up.
43:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:14All right, Tom Cashman is taking your pineapple juices
43:17to the lab for some testing and measuring.
43:20We'll be back with the results soon.
43:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:31Welcome back.
43:32Enough with the clapping.
43:34We've got points to award.
43:35Five comedians sit before me holding five disgusting cups
43:39of pineapple juice.
43:40Tom Two, talk us through the results.
43:42So, Luke had nine mils.
43:44LAUGHTER
43:44Did you spill mine by accident?
43:47LAUGHTER
43:47Nina had 30 mils.
43:49She had so much bacon in her bowl that it clogged the juicer.
43:53LAUGHTER
43:54Next, we have Danielle, who had 32.
43:56Julia had 64.
43:58And then Jimmy had 70 mils.
44:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:01Wow, babe!
44:0370 mils of liquefied pizza.
44:06I'm thinking I'm just going to play it on volume
44:08because I would hate to do a taste test.
44:10LAUGHTER
44:11Has that done any moving and or shaking
44:13of the scoreboard for the night?
44:15It sure does.
44:16We have a tie for first place Jimmy and Nina on 17 points each.
44:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:23That means the first tiebreaker
44:26in Taskmaster Australia history.
44:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:31So the tiebreaker task is to clap as many times as possible
44:36in 60 seconds.
44:37Let's see how Jimmy and Nina did.
44:40Your time starts.
44:42Now.
44:43APPLAUSE
44:45It's slowing down!
44:46I can't go quickly!
44:47Oh, my God.
44:48Count me down!
44:49Six, five, four, three, two, one.
44:53One.
44:55Oh!
44:57Oh!
44:58OK.
45:02Break the tie, Tom.
45:04So Jimmy had 352 claps.
45:07There could have been more, but some of them his hands
45:09didn't even touch.
45:11LAUGHTER
45:12Nina is the winner with 372 claps.
45:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:18Nina, warm up those fingers,
45:20because you're about to touch five very satisfying things.
45:23Get on stage.
45:24They're all yours!
45:25Yeah!
45:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:29There we have it.
45:30Another episode complete.
45:31Tonight, we learnt that the best way to find a cat
45:33is to look for the sign with a big arrow next to it.
45:36LAUGHTER
45:36We learnt that umbrella spokes can kill,
45:38and we also learnt every single detail
45:41about the everyday life and opinions
45:43of Luke McGregor's parents.
45:45LAUGHTER
45:45Most importantly, our episode two winner is Nina.
45:49Well done to them.
45:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:50Give them a smattering of applause,
45:52but don't use all your energy.
45:54We'll need that for next week
45:55when Taskmaster Australia returns!
45:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:59Good night!
46:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:18Are we ready to take flight?
46:21Three, two, one!
46:24LAUGHTER
46:24Taskmaster.
46:25I admit there are flaws.
46:28I think this is really hard to score
46:30because they're all equally a bit shit-ass.
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