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Taskmaster AU S01E05
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00:02Shhh.
00:03Oh, Peppa.
00:04Oh.
00:07Oh.
00:12This is the best day of my life.
00:19Ah!
00:35Yes, hello. Welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
00:38My name is Tom Gleeson and as far as you are concerned,
00:41for the duration of this show, I am the Taskmaster.
00:46This is the show where I take five beloved comedy personalities
00:50and make them dance for me like they've never danced before.
00:53The prize at the end of the season?
00:55Why, it's as good as it gets.
00:57It's this shiny replica of my head, forged by melting down
01:02every single gold logie except mine.
01:06Vying for this most elusive of prizes are our brave contestants.
01:10Please clap as I say their names.
01:12Danny O'Walka.
01:14Jimmy Rees.
01:16Julian Morris.
01:18Luke McGregor.
01:20And Nina Riyama.
01:23And by my side, as always, is a man who does need an introduction.
01:28Easily one of the top two Toms in my inner circle,
01:31it's my honest assistant Tom Cashman.
01:34G'day mate.
01:37Let's start with the prize task, eh?
01:39I think that's a good idea.
01:41Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in
01:42what they consider to be the most pretentious thing.
01:46The person who brings the thing that the main Tom
01:48finds most pretentious will take home five points
01:50and the winner of tonight's episode will take home
01:53all five pretentious items.
01:55OK.
01:56It shouldn't be too tricky for this highbrow group
01:58of coastal elites.
02:01Let's start with Nina Riyama.
02:03What have you brought in?
02:03I brought in a gay toilet door.
02:08So this actually does have a story, which is my former
02:11housemate Ian is a subversive queer artist and this is part
02:14of one of his installations.
02:15It's actually one of the original toilet doors from one of the
02:18first gay nightclubs in King's Cross.
02:20So it's part of queer Australian history.
02:22Actually, round of applause for this great door.
02:25That explanation was very pretentious and even the wanting
02:29a round of applause at the end for your own validation.
02:32Extremely on the nose that was.
02:35Luke, what have you got?
02:36I also brought in a gay door.
02:38No.
02:40I spent four grand to get someone in England to build a
02:50replica proton pack from the first Ghostbusters movie.
02:57But because I know the person gets the prizes at the end,
03:02I didn't bring it, I just brought a backpack that looks like it.
03:06Why is this pretentious?
03:07I don't quite understand why.
03:09To be fair, I didn't look up the definition of pretentious.
03:13I just wanted to claim the backpack on tax, so...
03:16Being sensible with your finances, I don't think that's pretentious.
03:20That's meat and two veg, that's an everyday Australian thing to do.
03:23And the proton pack's gay, so...
03:25Oh.
03:26OK.
03:28All right.
03:29Julia?
03:30I brought in my HSC results.
03:35So obviously, if you're pretentious, I'm guessing you're showing off
03:38that you did really well.
03:39Yes.
03:39Actually, I got 198 out of 500.
03:41Oh.
03:43But how the pretension comes in, Tom,
03:46is that I use that within my complex personality type of inverted snob
03:51and brag about how low I did in the HSC.
03:54Because I feel like I did heaps better than everyone else in life.
03:58LAUGHTER
04:01Due to your really poor score in the HSC,
04:03I feel like maybe knowing the meanings of words isn't your specialty.
04:08LAUGHTER
04:09Because I think you've just described bragging.
04:11I can't get past how poorly you did.
04:14LAUGHTER
04:15Do you know what?
04:16I got really confused and booked my schoolies week before the exams.
04:20LAUGHTER
04:23Yeah, and see, now you're down with the people again.
04:26Oh, no, no, no.
04:26You're supposed to be above everyone.
04:29It's my original location.
04:30I'm always going to return there.
04:32All right.
04:32Jimmy.
04:34Well, I've brought in my collection of vinyl records.
04:38Ooh.
04:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:39But...
04:40This is sounding good.
04:41I do not own a record player.
04:47OK.
04:47Still for the look.
04:49Yeah.
04:51Look how cool they look.
04:52On my shelf, they look stunning.
04:54It's making me kind of hate you, so...
04:57So, good job.
04:58Thanks.
04:59Danielle, what do you have for us?
05:01I've brought in a prayer candle of myself.
05:04Oh.
05:09So, you got that made, obviously.
05:11Uh, no, I would never trust anybody to make any art over myself.
05:15Oh, hang on.
05:16Is this you and the craft again?
05:17Listen, when you've got a sticker printer at home,
05:19you take advantage of it.
05:22All right, well, the Ghostbusters proton pack is not pretentious.
05:25Ghostbusters is a very popular mainstream film.
05:27Spending a lot of money on it isn't pretentious.
05:30It's stupid.
05:32So...
05:33Uh, the HSC certificate, again, it means you're down with the people
05:36because you didn't do well.
05:37And you're being...
05:37Ultimately, you're being self-deprecating,
05:39which is the opposite of pretentious.
05:40Two points to Julia.
05:41Danielle, the prayer candle.
05:43Again, I don't actually think it's that pretentious.
05:45Three points to you.
05:46Uh, your doorpiece.
05:47It's ultimately just a toilet door,
05:48but you talked about it with such passion and detail
05:51that it was really getting on my tits.
05:53So...
05:54Four points to you.
05:55But the most pretentious,
05:57records just because they look good
05:58and you don't even listen to them.
06:00Jimmy with five!
06:05Shall we get into our first proper task of the night?
06:08OK.
06:09Like everyone up here on stage right now,
06:11this one is a snack.
06:12MUSIC PLAYS
06:27Tom!
06:29Tom?
06:31No Tom?
06:33No Tom.
06:34OK.
06:36Oh, God.
06:38It's freshly popped.
06:42Protect the popcorn with an impenetrable fort.
06:45In ten minutes, Tom will try to eat the popcorn.
06:48You may not move the popcorn.
06:50You may not personally attack Tom.
06:52The longest uneaten popcorn wins.
06:54Tom!
06:56You know how I love not reading the last line?
06:59Your time starts now!
07:02So our contestants need to stop me from eating the popcorn
07:06without physically attacking me.
07:08Oh, right.
07:09A key detail.
07:10Here are our first two Colonel withholders.
07:12It's Danielle and Jimmy.
07:14So can I just...
07:14Because he can't eat it if it's in the toilet.
07:16Can I just put it in the toilet?
07:18Oh, I've already moved the popcorn.
07:20Oh, no, you may not move the popcorn.
07:23No!
07:24OK.
07:24Impenetrable fort.
07:25Let's just put random things on the table as well.
07:28So they can go...
07:29Impenetrable fort.
07:38OK.
07:39There's one.
07:39Yeah, that'll do.
07:44How many minutes until Tom comes?
07:46I'm just going to get anything...
07:49Just stuff is going to be in the way.
07:55What are you doing?
07:57I'm going to capture you.
07:58I'll be trying to get into the popcorn.
08:00It's got to be stuffed!
08:02Get out of the way!
08:03Hey!
08:04How...
08:05You showed me how long everybody else gets you away from!
08:07It's all...
08:08Gosh, don't.
08:10Just...
08:10Don't fall over!
08:13Just...
08:14Oh, I'm a...
08:15They are slippery!
08:17Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
08:20OK.
08:22Oh, no, OK.
08:23I'll...
08:23I don't want to hurt you.
08:25Whoa!
08:29OK, he's here.
08:30I feel like some popcorn.
08:32I'm not allowed to attack you.
08:33No!
08:34No!
08:36Come on!
08:42Is this task going to just be you eating popcorn with relative ease?
08:48Potentially.
08:48I'm worried about it.
08:50Jimmy, what made you think placing a bookshelf about one metre away from the popcorn would make any difference whatsoever?
08:56Well, I ran out of bookshelves, to be honest.
08:58I thought I had one there, had one there, then I ran out really fast.
09:02In hindsight, what I should have done is just guessed where he was going to walk in from and put
09:07the bookshelves there.
09:08There's more than one doorway, though, isn't there?
09:09Yeah.
09:10Would have you still had enough bookshelves to cover every doorway?
09:13Well...
09:13And the windows?
09:14The skylight as well, I think.
09:15Oh, there you go.
09:16You should have put the bookshelf up on the skylight.
09:19It would have made just as much sense as your poor effort.
09:23Danielle?
09:24Mm-hmm?
09:24I feel like you weren't supposed to attack Lesser Tom, but I think you did.
09:31She pinned me to a chair.
09:32Yeah.
09:33I didn't attack him.
09:35OK.
09:36If you're going to relocate an animal for its own safety...
09:40LAUGHTER
09:43If I had a trank dart, boom!
09:47You would have attacked him with the trank dart.
09:49No.
09:49I would have, for his own safety, popped him down.
09:52She had me for two minutes and 38 seconds up against the chair.
09:56Yeah.
09:58Yeah.
09:58Yeah, you did also...
10:00You moved the popcorn right at the beginning, Danielle.
10:02Yeah, but just because I was flustered.
10:05Did it say in the task that if you were flustered, it's fine?
10:08LAUGHTER
10:09Absolutely nothing about...
10:10In fact, you could say that there are two rules here and you broke both of them.
10:14LAUGHTER
10:15I'll have to take that into consideration.
10:17How quickly did you get to Jimmy's popcorn?
10:2013 seconds.
10:21You don't have to say.
10:22LAUGHTER
10:24APPLAUSE
10:25All right, have you got anyone else for me?
10:27I sure do.
10:28Here's me versus Nina Oyama.
10:30Protect the popcorn.
10:31It doesn't say, like, including the buckets.
10:36OK, little handfuls.
10:39This is going to be smart for reasons to be seen later.
10:43You know what I could do is I could hide it.
10:45I mean, no-one's stopping me.
10:47You know, that's the problem.
10:50LAUGHTER
10:51LAUGHTER
10:55Oh, my God, I'm so excited for Tom to eat this popcorn
10:58that's in this suitcase.
11:01Hi!
11:01Hey, Nina, how's it going?
11:04Good.
11:04Would you like a little snack while you look for the popcorn?
11:10Interesting.
11:11Oh, sorry, excuse me.
11:13That was...
11:14Don't eat that one, it was on the floor.
11:16That's not popcorn, that's the piece of YouTube game.
11:21Thanks, Nina.
11:24What?
11:25LAUGHTER
11:28APPLAUSE
11:31Lesser Tom, can you just read the task again
11:34just so we can take it in one more time?
11:37Protect the popcorn with an impenetrable fort.
11:39In ten minutes, Tom will try to eat the popcorn.
11:41You may not move the popcorn...
11:43What?
11:43So, hang on.
11:45What was that tiny detail that you could easily miss?
11:48You may not move the popcorn...
11:50OK.
11:51..and you may not personally attack Tom.
11:53OK.
11:53What the f*** am I going to do with you, Nina?
11:55LAUGHTER
11:56When the task gets read out to you and you read the task,
11:59what's actually going on inside your head?
12:02Anything at all?
12:04Um, there's actually a lot of stuff, guys,
12:07mostly me being like...
12:08..do-do-do-do-do...
12:09..do-do-do-do-do-do...
12:10So, even if we accepted all of that,
12:13how long did Nina take?
12:15She still took longer than Jimmy.
12:1714 seconds.
12:18LAUGHTER
12:20APPLAUSE
12:21Yes, nothing is impenetrable,
12:22especially this show,
12:23which we are penetrating with an ad break right now.
12:26See you soon for more Popcorn Protection.
12:28CHEERING
12:37APPLAUSE
12:39Hello, and welcome back to Taskmaster,
12:41a high-stakes competition show
12:43where five comedians are trying to stop one hungry boy
12:46from having a yummy snack.
12:48LAUGHTER
12:48Do I need to go into any more detail, Tom Cashman?
12:52I think it could potentially help to clarify
12:54that the snack is Popcorn
12:55and the hungry boy is me.
12:58Who's left?
12:59I was fond of both of them before we filmed this.
13:01It's Julia and Luke.
13:03LAUGHTER
13:04APPLAUSE
13:10Here you go, Tom.
13:12You want to eat the Popcorn?
13:13Ha!
13:14Munger-munger, babes.
13:15That is pretty revolting.
13:18LAUGHTER
13:18LAUGHTER
13:23Ooh, these are beautiful eggs.
13:25Some days I'm just so pleased with myself.
13:29LAUGHTER
13:40I'm not going to scratch my bum
13:42and then put my finger in there, am I?
13:44That's too far.
13:45I can feel it's too far.
13:46LAUGHTER
13:54LAUGHTER
13:54Hey, buddy.
13:55Hello, Luke.
13:56How are you?
13:57I don't really feel like some Popcorn.
13:58Oh, but wait, before you do...
14:00Actually, sorry, let me get up for a second.
14:02And a little bit in the top.
14:04So now I feel like there's a faecal count in there.
14:07Hi, Tom.
14:08Hi, Julia.
14:10Before you eat the Popcorn, before you eat the Popcorn...
14:12Whoa, whoa, whoa.
14:12Is my butt wet?
14:13Mm-hmm.
14:14That's right.
14:14Could it be because I went into the toilet,
14:18filled that bottle up with toilet water
14:19and then poured it on that Popcorn?
14:22So...
14:23Help yourself if you want one,
14:24but that's toilet water on the Popcorn.
14:27Mm.
14:28I'd like some Popcorn.
14:29You know what, Tom?
14:30I just touch my bum and then I stir it.
14:34All right.
14:34And I think legally, I have to tell you,
14:36I've spat in there.
14:37OK.
14:38There is...
14:39I've got a few eggs in there.
14:39There is literally not a whisper of Popcorn you can get to.
14:42It's an impenetrable fort, sir.
14:44But you are welcome to a little snacky if you feel like it.
14:47But it just depends on how long you want to be on the toilet today.
14:50I think I'm... I'm good.
14:52You're OK?
14:52It could be poisonous too.
14:54You get a lot of diseases from toilets.
14:55It really smells like... like urine and faeces.
14:58Can I get your biscuit or something?
15:00That'd be great, thank you.
15:01Do you want me to get your biscuit?
15:01Yeah, thanks.
15:02But I've got poo-poo hands.
15:03OK, don't worry about it then.
15:08So, Luke, you seem pretty proud of yourself
15:10for someone who just put their hand in a toilet.
15:13Well, it wasn't actually toilet water.
15:15It was sink water.
15:16But I told Tom it was toilet water.
15:17And then once he said I did the task,
15:19I revealed that it wasn't toilet water.
15:21OK.
15:22But I also had my bum on it for quite a while.
15:25And do you just sort of naturally have a bit of a stress sweat
15:28coming from that area anyway?
15:30No, no, I have a very diligent hygiene routine, but...
15:34Yeah, but I'm saying when you get stressed out,
15:36you can't control your perspiration
15:37and you might just get a bit damp on the back part of your trousers.
15:42Can we edit this bit out, or...?
15:48Now, I feel like I understand, Luke, you being disgusting,
15:50but, Julie, I feel like this was a bit beneath your standards.
15:53Here's the thing.
15:54Nothing is beneath my standards.
15:56Was he even remotely tempted to find a little bit he could eat?
16:00No.
16:00It just was revolting.
16:01I didn't touch the actual...
16:04I don't know, but it wouldn't have been a faecal count as such.
16:08But you did spit in it, though.
16:10I did spit.
16:11Tom, you didn't eat any of the popcorn from either of Julia or Luke.
16:14No.
16:14No.
16:15So that means that Julia and Luke don't have a tie.
16:18You could argue, therefore, they tie.
16:20Danielle's an easy disqualification.
16:22What the...?
16:23Well, you attacked him and you moved the popcorn.
16:25Nina, I mean, shit, mate.
16:29You're gone.
16:31That's fair.
16:32So you're both out, and that leaves Jimmy in second place
16:36behind the two ties.
16:37I feel the court!
16:40I feel the court!
16:41But it was a really hopeless attempt.
16:43So I think it's five for Luke and Julia and two for Jimmy.
16:48That means that tied in the lead,
16:50it's Jimmy and Julia with seven points.
16:55All right, what do you reckon, Lisa Tom?
16:57Do you have any more of those tasks lying around?
16:59I do.
17:00Open sesame!
17:13Hello?
17:14OK.
17:15Hi, babes!
17:16Hi, Julia.
17:17Hi, Jimmy.
17:18Hang on.
17:20Hi, Danielle.
17:21Oh.
17:23Oh!
17:25Hello, mate.
17:26Hi, Tom.
17:30That's my emotional state.
17:32Is this some sort of way to set up some romance between us?
17:35No.
17:37Read the task.
17:38Pick up all 26 flowers
17:41and deliver them to Tom's vase.
17:44Vase.
17:45Vase.
17:46You may only advance to collect the next flower
17:49when you correctly guess
17:51that flower's password.
17:54You must deliver all 26 flowers to Tom's vase
17:57or you will be disqualified.
17:59Fewest total attempts to guess a password wins.
18:02Fewest total...
18:03OK.
18:04So when does my time start?
18:06There's no time aspect of this task.
18:08That's very dangerous.
18:11APPLAUSE
18:11OK.
18:13Quite a convoluted way to get roses into a vase.
18:16Oh, not really.
18:17They just have to guess 26 acceptable passwords.
18:20Fewest guesses wins.
18:21Simple.
18:22All right.
18:22Hit me.
18:23I wouldn't dare.
18:25It's Nina and Julia.
18:27Number one.
18:28Is the password password?
18:30I will accept that password.
18:31Yes!
18:32Please proceed to the next flower.
18:33Sunshine.
18:34Happy.
18:35Nina is a cool dude.
18:37Roses in my pockets.
18:38I don't know why this is going so well.
18:40Bouquet.
18:42Vase.
18:43Pen.
18:43No.
18:44Oh.
18:46Don't turn your back on the network, Tom.
18:48Existential crisis.
18:49Echo.
18:50Bouquet.
18:51I will accept that password.
18:53Are there rules?
18:54Wait, is the password...
18:55Are there rules?
18:57No.
18:58No.
18:59Christmas.
19:00Santa.
19:01Jesus.
19:02I will accept that password.
19:03Have you accepted Jesus, Tom?
19:06Why wouldn't you?
19:07How did I even get here?
19:09Look how far you've come.
19:10Oh, my God.
19:11Oh, my God.
19:12There's 26 letters in the alphabet.
19:13Oh, my God.
19:14It's alphabetical order.
19:15Okay.
19:15Password.
19:16Vegan.
19:17No.
19:20But.
19:23But.
19:24Run.
19:25Skip.
19:26Tie.
19:27Whistle.
19:27F*** me dead, Tom.
19:30That was not an instruction.
19:31It was just a sense of frustration.
19:34Why would you have 26 if it wasn't all the letters of the alphabet?
19:37Cola.
19:38Wattle.
19:39Gown.
19:39Mini.
19:40Zipper.
19:40I will accept that password.
19:42I've just got it.
19:44What about xylophone?
19:45No.
19:46Oh, that's...
19:47Does that theory out the window?
19:49Spiky.
19:50Sandy.
19:50Boom.
19:52Vroom.
19:52I will accept that password.
19:54What?
19:55But first, a victory lap.
19:57As is tradition.
19:59Succulent.
20:00Skin.
20:01Hang.
20:01Strength.
20:02I think it is alphabet related.
20:04But the problem is I can't remember which letters have been said or not.
20:09I don't think we've had Q. So I'm going to say is next password question.
20:15I will accept that password.
20:16Victory lap.
20:17Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, ah, whoop, ah, bear, dog, efforts are far out, girl.
20:23I'm not just going to go through the alphabet.
20:25That's an abhorus both.
20:27Next password is xyz.
20:29I will accept that password.
20:31Quirky.
20:32I will accept that password.
20:34Please proceed to the final vase.
20:36Ah.
20:38Ah.
20:39Ah.
20:39There you go, baby boy.
20:41Thanks, Dana.
20:42Anyway.
20:42Bye.
20:42Ah.
20:46In case it wasn't painfully obvious, we needed 26 different acceptable passwords starting
20:52with a different letter of the alphabet.
20:53Once you'd used a word that started with one letter of the alphabet, you couldn't say
20:57another password that started with that same letter and the order didn't matter.
21:01Right.
21:01So, Julia, Nina, at the beginning you both thought you were doing really well.
21:06I was so furious by the end.
21:08Did you end up working out what was going on?
21:11You did, Nina.
21:11Did you, Julia, by the end?
21:13When I first saw 26, I'm like, well, that's alphabet.
21:15When I realised they weren't in order, it did not even vaguely occur to me that it was
21:18still alphabet, just not in that order.
21:20Right.
21:21So, I'd already thrown that theory out.
21:22The rhyme nor reason by that point.
21:24Okay.
21:25The time it takes, though, doesn't matter.
21:26It's irrelevant.
21:27It's how many guesses?
21:28It's number of guesses.
21:29Nina made 159 guesses.
21:34Julia, you guessed the C word four different times.
21:40Yeah.
21:41Julia made 342 guesses.
21:48Interestingly enough, after deciding it would be too boring to go through the alphabet,
21:52Julia made 87 more guesses.
21:57All right, more password speculation coming up, but first, a well-deserved ad break.
22:03Take a load off.
22:04We'll see you soon with more Taskmaster.
22:16Welcome back to Taskmaster.
22:18You could cut the tension in the room with a knife, as five comedians battle it out to
22:22win a gay door.
22:25Tom Cashman, get us up to speed.
22:27So, there are 26 roses on a pathway.
22:30Each one has a password, and it could be literally anything, as long as it starts with a letter
22:34that you haven't already guessed a password for.
22:36Okay.
22:37Let's keep the guessing coming.
22:38Who's up?
22:38Their passwords are strong and their muscles are medium.
22:41It's Jimmy and Luke.
22:44Hey, Tom.
22:45What's the password?
22:47Is that a guess?
22:48Yeah.
22:48I will accept that password.
22:50Yes!
22:50Is the password Rose?
22:54Terminator 2.
22:55Blink 182.
22:56Dolphin?
22:57Politics.
22:58The Matrix Reloaded?
23:00No.
23:01The Matrix Resurrection?
23:02No.
23:03Okay, the first Matrix, the original Matrix?
23:05No.
23:06Okay, the Matrix, the video game, The Path of Neo?
23:09No.
23:09Frogs?
23:10I will accept that password.
23:12Okay.
23:12Is this the Matrix?
23:14Roses are red, violets are blue, how old are you?
23:17Flower.
23:18Now there's a pattern and I can't remember what I've done.
23:21Xbox Series X.
23:22God of War 3.
23:24Elephant.
23:25Is it The Matrix?
23:27My name is Jimmy.
23:29This flower is red.
23:31Toys.
23:31Well, what I was doing was just rambling on about the things that I thought I've done and
23:35then I've gotten here and I'm stuck because I don't realise what the pattern is still,
23:38but it's probably glaringly obvious for everyone who's flying along at home.
23:42Sunburn.
23:43Sunscreen.
23:44Bananas.
23:46The Matrix.
23:48Taskmasters are stupid.
23:49Can I please just figure it out in my brain?
23:53What's the password, Tom?
23:54Do you even want these flowers?
23:56Ah!
23:58Picture the password in your mind.
24:00Okay.
24:01Is that the password?
24:02Tell me I'm wrong.
24:03You have to...
24:04I've got you trapped.
24:05I mean, yeah, but...
24:06Yes!
24:07Okay, 25.
24:09Here we go.
24:10Get comfortable, Tom.
24:11That is my guess.
24:12I will accept that password.
24:15Goddammit!
24:15Please proceed to the next flower.
24:17Is the password my mum?
24:19No.
24:20Did my mum have anything to do with coming up with a password?
24:22Not that I know of.
24:23Don't you lie to me.
24:24This is exactly the sort of thing mum would do.
24:26Starts with C.
24:27No.
24:28Word beginning with D.
24:29No.
24:29A word beginning with E.
24:31I will accept that password.
24:35Is the password...
24:37Who...
24:38No.
24:40Who's...
24:41No.
24:42Book.
24:46No.
24:47Q...
24:48R...
24:49S...
24:49T...
24:50U...
24:50D...
24:51W...
24:52No.
24:53X!
24:54I will accept that password.
24:55If we do rock, paper, scissors and I win, will you give me the password?
24:58Okay.
24:58One.
24:59Two.
25:00Three.
25:02What's the password, please?
25:04An example of a correct password is the word zebra.
25:07Password is zebra.
25:08Zebras are cool.
25:10I will accept that password.
25:11Please proceed to the vase.
25:15Well, that took a while, didn't it?
25:16See you, buddy.
25:18See you, Luke.
25:20Luke, if people wanted to hack into your social media, I reckon if they just tried out various
25:24variations on the Matrix movies, they might get straight in there.
25:27If they added 69, they'd be straight through.
25:29Okay.
25:31How many did he do?
25:32Luke made 289 guesses, 17 of which related to the Matrix franchise.
25:40Okay.
25:40I must say, after seeing you, Jimmy, on children's TV looking so positive and happy, it was quite
25:48satisfying to watch you lose your shit.
25:50Yeah, by the end I was very frustrated because I had actually figured it out and then thought
25:55I was the biggest dumbass for 75,000 guesses.
25:58Yeah, I had to lie down for a bit.
26:01Well, I think there's a certain irony there because you worked for children's TV for so
26:04long and you started to behave like the people who watched you.
26:08You turned into a toddler to the point where you had a tantrum and lied down.
26:12I did.
26:14Was it hard for you, Tom, watching us all just completely f*** up?
26:18It was my favourite task.
26:22So how many guesses did Jimmy make?
26:24Jimmy made 323 guesses.
26:28Which means Nina is still winning and Julia is still doing the opposite.
26:31Losing.
26:33I should bring up really what the task was about, was delivering 26 roses into the vase.
26:38Right.
26:38I think they all did that, didn't they?
26:40I think you might want to see something.
26:42Oh, gosh.
26:43Okay.
26:43The Legend of Korra, which is the one after Avatar.
26:46Which is the one after Avatar.
26:50Iron Man.
26:58See you, buddy.
27:00No littering.
27:03So is it fair to say that Luke put 24 roses in a vase?
27:08In my defence, I have hay fever.
27:14They were plastic roses.
27:18Anyone remaining?
27:19She loves letters from the alphabet.
27:21She even has like six different ones in her name.
27:23Here's Danielle.
27:25Could the password be password?
27:29I will accept that password.
27:31Open sesame.
27:32Come on in.
27:33Bong.
27:34Tom.
27:35Gleeson.
27:36Iz.
27:36A.
27:37Mongoose.
27:37Toyfish.
27:38Fungus.
27:39Willipad.
27:43Branch.
27:43E.P.S.
27:45Q.
27:46Quoll.
27:47Nickel.
27:47Yabby.
27:48Jupiter.
27:49Human.
27:49Budgerigar.
27:50No.
27:51Oh.
27:52I can't tell if there's any connection between all of the things.
28:01Guava.
28:02Pecan.
28:02France.
28:03No.
28:03What the hell?
28:06Care.
28:06Trawler.
28:07Crawl.
28:08Boat.
28:09Reef.
28:09Parrotfish.
28:10Shrimp.
28:11Shrimp.
28:12Krill.
28:12Bow bun.
28:14Burrow.
28:14Highland.
28:15Northern hairy nose.
28:16Wimbat.
28:16A.B.C.D.F.G.H.I.J.H.I.J.E.
28:24Uh, now.
28:27Rooster is a guess.
28:28Nope.
28:29Steam.
28:29No.
28:30That's so Raven.
28:31Nah.
28:31Heath Urban.
28:32Nah.
28:32Kangaroo.
28:33Rikki-dikki-tavi.
28:34No.
28:34Subaru.
28:35No.
28:36Chrysalis.
28:37Oh my god.
28:39Taika Waititi!
28:41I don't even know how to say his name, goddammit!
28:45Mars.
28:47Uranus.
28:49Venus.
28:50I'll accept that password.
28:52Venus.
28:53H-I-J.
28:54Nothing.
28:55Weird order.
28:56The order doesn't matter.
28:57The order doesn't matter.
28:58What is this?
29:01A crayfish.
29:02Fishing rod.
29:03Sargeopath.
29:03Kaka.
29:04Mochachino.
29:05Huh.
29:06I'll just read you what I've got here.
29:08Yep.
29:08So these are the correct guesses so far.
29:11A.Bongalongalong.
29:12Comealong.
29:13Dad.
29:13EPSQ.
29:14Fungus.
29:15Gleeson.
29:16Human.
29:16Is.
29:17Jupiter.
29:17Koifish.
29:18Lilypad.
29:19Mongoose.
29:19Nickel.
29:20Open sesame.
29:21Password.
29:21Quoll.
29:22Roses.
29:22Sugarcane.
29:23Tom.
29:24Ulysses.
29:25Venus.
29:25Wrench.
29:26And Yabby.
29:27But I've said other things that are alive.
29:31Oh no.
29:32God.
29:33Is this going to be so obvious and I'm going to frickin kick myself?
29:37Two more out of 26 to go.
29:39I don't understand this game.
29:42Two more out of 26 to go.
29:44I wonder if this is right to help me.
29:46I have no idea.
29:48How did I get here?
29:52Um.
29:54Taco.
29:54What about army worm?
29:57Two more out of 26 to go.
30:00Two more out of 26 to go.
30:03Two more out of 26 to go.
30:04Oh no.
30:06I think I've just...
30:07Oh no.
30:0926 letters in the alphabet.
30:10F***ing Jesus Christ.
30:17I have no idea what ones I've gotten to xylophone.
30:27I will accept that password.
30:30Never.
30:32I will accept that password.
30:33What the hell?
30:36What the freaking hell dude?
30:40I don't know if they're two alphabets.
30:42It makes a deck cards.
30:4326 to go.
30:4426 to go.
30:4550 to go.
30:47Oh my God.
30:50Oh.
30:50I'm going to go.
30:51I'm going to do that.
30:54God.
30:56Pff.
30:57Thanks Danielle.
30:59Oh boy.
31:01Pff.
31:14I'm crying again.
31:17I know.
31:19You are not.
31:23Even though it's not..
31:24Are you okay day.
31:25I feel like I have to ask you, are you OK?
31:28No, that genuinely broke my brain.
31:33I couldn't work it out.
31:35And I just kept on being like, I said koi fish.
31:43Mongoose.
31:43That was the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life.
31:48I think one of my favourite moments was when Tom Cashman
31:51listed all your answers in alphabetical order.
31:55And then what did you say?
31:56You said, yeah, not all of them are alive.
31:58I don't know what my theories were,
32:00but I had lots of different theories.
32:03Well, that clip took longer to edit than all the Matrix films.
32:07It was a really big job.
32:08And after all that, you dropped a rose.
32:11I did?
32:12No, you didn't.
32:14I double-checked.
32:16I know, no, you didn't.
32:17I just wanted to see the look on your face.
32:20Do you want to know how many you took?
32:21I'd like to ask, yes, but how many guesses was it?
32:24503.
32:27I was thinking when I heard Julia's, I was like,
32:29maybe I won't come last.
32:32I think Luke McGregor's an easy disqualifier.
32:34You only put 24 roses in the vase.
32:36That was pretty clear.
32:37You've got to put 26 in there.
32:38Can you score the rest of them?
32:39So we've got Luke with zero, Danielle with two somehow,
32:43Julia with three, Jimmy with four,
32:44and the winner of the task is Nina with five points.
32:50And would you look at that?
32:52It's time for another break.
32:53We'll be back with more Taskmaster.
33:05Welcome back to Taskmaster.
33:06Who will win Luke McGregor's embarrassingly expensive
33:09Ghostbusters gun?
33:11Tom Cashman, what have you got?
33:13It's a team task filmed at our Taskmaster retreat.
33:16Or was it the Plains of the Serengeti?
33:29Woo!
33:31Woo!
33:33Yay!
33:33Hi, Tom, we made it.
33:34Woo!
33:36Okay.
33:37I see, I see.
33:38This is a bubble bath.
33:39There's actually little bubbles in here.
33:40Here it is.
33:41Oh.
33:42Give it a go.
33:43Give it a some, yeah.
33:44Eww!
33:45Okay.
33:46Get the giraffe in the bath.
33:48If you touch grass, or the giraffe touches grass,
33:52or you touch the giraffe, you must start again.
33:56Faster swings.
33:57Your time starts now.
33:58I've got so many questions.
33:59What do you think?
33:59Like, where's the giraffe?
34:00It's over there.
34:01Oh, is it, babe?
34:02Yay!
34:02Yeah.
34:03So should we do that?
34:05Love it.
34:06Could we attach these to our feet and use them as shoes
34:08instead of doing that?
34:09That's a way better idea.
34:11And then we take this.
34:13Like that.
34:13Take it with us and I'll bring this one with us, will I?
34:15Beautiful, yeah.
34:17I'll see you over there.
34:18Oh, my gosh.
34:18You're faster than a rat up a drain pipe, doll.
34:22Right.
34:24The bad improv group is back.
34:27Great to see.
34:27Yes.
34:28And that's really mean.
34:31Well, you just look like three friends with an unbreakable bond,
34:34and then the other two look like two people had clearly met that day.
34:39So all they have to do is get the giraffe in the bath without touching the giraffe
34:43or touching grass, and the giraffe is not allowed to touch grass.
34:47If any of those three things happen, they have to go back to the beginning.
34:50Would you like to see the first team try?
34:51Yep.
34:52Who's first?
34:52It's Danielle and Julia.
34:58Oh, tell you what.
35:00Shake him, baby.
35:01You won't break him.
35:02So we can't touch the giraffe, and the giraffe can't touch grass?
35:06Yes.
35:07Well, he shouldn't.
35:08He doesn't have the mental capacity.
35:09Now I feel like I want to dress him in this.
35:14This?
35:14Because we're not allowed to touch him, are we?
35:15We can't touch him.
35:16No.
35:17So then...
35:18Oh, wait, wait, wait.
35:19We don't have to use these things.
35:21Babes, tell me.
35:22So we can go get a sheet from inside.
35:24Oh, my God, let's get a sheet!
35:25It's actually just a really good life lesson, don't touch grass.
35:28Oh, yeah.
35:29Here we go.
35:31Tell you what.
35:32Yeah?
35:32I was pretty sure this is where my career was headed.
35:35Oh, yeah.
35:35Yeah.
35:36This is...
35:37It's not going to get any better than this, mate.
35:38No.
35:39So we need to take the sheet off or just get him in there?
35:41I think we'll just put him in.
35:42All right, bubs.
35:43Have a lovely bath, babe.
35:56I love you.
35:58Just like that, Tom.
35:59Just like that, sir.
36:03Great to see the dance again.
36:05And still, no points.
36:08If you have just tuned in a couple of weeks ago,
36:10we split them into two different teams
36:12and one team, we're told, had to do a bonus task of a dance.
36:16Every team task.
36:17And the other team doesn't.
36:20So every time we do a team task, Julia and Danielle,
36:24do a dance that doesn't matter.
36:28Now, Julia, do you agree that you thrive most
36:32when you're paired with someone competent?
36:35Yeah, I had a very strong idea
36:37that Danielle had a lot of better ideas than me,
36:40so that just seemed like the...
36:41She hadn't seen me do the other tasks.
36:45I feel like you're a match made in heaven, actually.
36:47Yeah, we are.
36:48Yeah, we are a dream team.
36:49Because, Danielle, you're very concerned
36:50with getting the task right
36:51to the point where sometimes you forget to be entertaining.
36:55Because you're so focused, you don't say anything.
36:57Oh, yeah.
36:57And then Julia is so busy entertaining,
36:59she forgets to do the task.
37:00Yeah, it's true.
37:01It's true.
37:02I thought maybe she'd been given a task
37:04to sabotage sometimes.
37:07I said, no, that is just my...
37:09That's just my nature.
37:10Have a go.
37:11Danielle and Julia took eight minutes and one second.
37:14Ooh!
37:16OK, you probably have time for a quick bath yourselves,
37:19assuming you can knock one out in three minutes.
37:22We're taking a break.
37:23See you very soon.
37:32Look, I know you're watching it now,
37:34but how about watching more later?
37:35Catch every moment of triumph
37:36and utter humiliation of Taskmaster Australia
37:39with full episodes at 10play.com.au
37:41or the 10play app.
37:48Welcome back to Taskmaster.
37:51It's the fifth part of the fifth episode.
37:53What are we doing, Tom Cashman?
37:54Be specific.
37:55We're putting a giraffe in a bath
37:57without touching grass,
37:58and the first team were fine, I suppose.
38:01It's difficult to know what the standards should be.
38:03OK, shall we watch the other team then?
38:05It's Jimmy, Luke and Nina.
38:08OK, I have another idea.
38:10OK, another one.
38:11Put the giraffe on this,
38:13tie this to the bike,
38:14and somebody rides the bike
38:15and drags this across...
38:17That's a fantastic idea.
38:18So we're going to get there,
38:19but then you've got to not touch the floor of the booth.
38:21We've got shoes, then we're fine.
38:22We've got shoes.
38:23I'll soon be able to go wherever I want.
38:26Look at these idiots.
38:27This is about three minutes.
38:28Building shoes.
38:30OK, off you go, mate.
38:31See you later.
38:32See you soon.
38:32Thank you, buddy.
38:35OK, you ready to pick it up from each side?
38:37Guys, I've got some shoes as well.
38:39I'm just going to come and help.
38:40Yeah, baby.
38:41So I can't come back.
38:43That's right, we don't need you.
38:44I can.
38:44Yeah, but you can.
38:45Do you have pants on?
38:46I'm going to tie this.
38:47OK, sorry.
38:48No, I took my pants off.
38:50I was like...
38:52Nina has touched grass.
38:53No!
38:55Please return to the bath.
38:57Sorry, everybody.
38:58Look how cool he looks on the bike, though.
39:00So, Nina, you hang here and we'll get you to transfer the giraffe to the bike.
39:05Can you get its leg over the...
39:06Lifting a giraffe is a man's job.
39:09I'll be in it.
39:11I want to see the giraffe's head.
39:12It's worth it for the...
39:14Yeah.
39:16We're coming.
39:18The giraffe has touched grass.
39:20Where?
39:22That's a lie.
39:23Please return to the bath.
39:25You are kidding.
39:26You're a...
39:27You're a liar, Tom.
39:28I think we need to knock out Tom.
39:29That's a good strategy.
39:30We could just carry it.
39:31Carry it.
39:32Yeah.
39:32All right, let's go.
39:33Sorry, Nina.
39:33Who are you?
39:34That's OK.
39:34I'll just wait for my boys to come back from the giraffe.
39:38Fare me well.
39:39I'm so sorry.
39:40Fare me well.
39:41Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
39:44Like, touch the grass.
39:47Oh!
39:47Touch the grass with your hand.
39:48Oh, for God's sake!
39:50Please return to the bath.
39:51I'm quite enjoying this.
39:52Can we just touch the grass a few more times?
39:53That giraffe really needs a bath.
39:55It does.
39:56OK.
39:57All right.
39:57I can't go back to the bath again.
39:58We're not going to.
39:59We'll use these.
40:00We just hold these outside of these.
40:02Gotcha.
40:02It's not going to tip a sorus on it, is it?
40:04No, that's when Nina comes in.
40:05She stabilizes.
40:06Oh!
40:11Nina, touch grass with her foot.
40:12I'm so sorry.
40:13Please return to the bath.
40:14OK.
40:15Let's make a pact to not have to go back to the bath again.
40:18OK.
40:19Man, the zoos do this all the time.
40:20Our last couple of plans were very sexist, so this is...
40:23This is...
40:23Nina, you stay there.
40:24We've got this.
40:25Here we go.
40:26OK.
40:26All right.
40:26No, this is good.
40:27This is good.
40:27Going this way.
40:28Yeah.
40:29And we're in the bath.
40:30We're in the bath.
40:32Holy shit.
40:32Great work, team.
40:36Having more people is supposed to be an advantage.
40:39I think you were at your best when Nina wasn't contributing.
40:44I would disagree, because when we got the giraffe in the bath,
40:46that was a group effort.
40:47Right.
40:48You couldn't have done it without me.
40:49You needed all three.
40:50I like the way that you say,
40:51we needed all three people,
40:53after you just watched two people do it on their own.
40:57I definitely had the thought of just going up.
40:59I could just do this by myself.
41:02I just want to say, I never had that thought.
41:04I was like, I need two strong boys and a giraffe.
41:07This team took a total of 22 minutes and 42 seconds.
41:11I think Julia and Danielle both get five points.
41:14That's an easy choice.
41:15Did a great job.
41:17The Bad Improv group gets two points, I think.
41:20Two points each.
41:23How's our episode scoreboard looking?
41:25So in last place with eight points, we have Luke.
41:27And in the lead, it's Julia with 15 points.
41:32Let's settle it then.
41:33Off your backsides and up on stage, it's time for a live task.
41:37Get up there.
41:38Up you get.
41:41I'm deeply intrigued.
41:43What's going on here?
41:44Nina, could you please read the task?
41:46OK.
41:48As a team, use your own shadows to spell taskmaster.
41:54You must spell one letter at a time.
41:57A letter will be captured every 10 seconds.
42:01Every team member must contribute to every letter.
42:04The best team taskmaster wins.
42:06The picture of your first letter will be taken exactly 10 seconds
42:09after Tom Cashman blows his whistle.
42:10OK.
42:13Exciting.
42:16Come forward.
42:17Come forward.
42:18There's a T.
42:19There's a T.
42:21Oh, where's the A?
42:23Hold it, hold it.
42:25I'm going to come to the A.
42:26I'm going to come to the A.
42:26Hold it, hold it.
42:28Quick, go in the middle.
42:29Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:31Which one's the A?
42:32Let's go!
42:35Oh!
42:35Oh!
42:36OK.
42:37OK.
42:39OK.
42:39Come forward.
42:39Come forward.
42:40It's not serious.
42:41Here we go.
42:42Is it that way?
42:43M.
42:44That's it.
42:44OK.
42:45I'll go in the middle, I guess.
42:47What the hell?
42:48Just got in the next slide.
42:49Exactly.
42:50Yeah.
42:51That's just not really a name.
42:52Hey, there you go.
42:53The bad improv group are doing what they do best.
42:55Hold on.
42:55OK.
42:56We've got to think.
42:57Nice.
42:58What should we do this?
42:59Shit.
42:59I'm like, how do we do this?
43:00What on earth is Luke doing?
43:02OK.
43:03OK.
43:04Mark.
43:04T.
43:04T.
43:04T.
43:05T.
43:05T.
43:05T.
43:06T.
43:06T.
43:07T.
43:07T.
43:08T.
43:09T.
43:11T.
43:23We'll be back with a hotly anticipated
43:25results.
43:25See you after the break.
43:36Welcome back to Taskmaster.
43:39That's Taskmaster spelled T-A-S-K-M-A-S-T-E-R,
43:43which are all the letters that these five fully grown adults
43:47have been contorting their bodies to spell.
43:49Shall we take a look at the results?
43:52Let's see Jimmy, Luke and Nina first.
43:56S-A-S-K-M-A-S...
44:02Taskmaster!
44:03Yeah, I'll be honest with you,
44:06I'm using the letters underneath it to read it.
44:09It kind of just does look like you're looking
44:11through the window of a gymnastics studio.
44:15What's going on there in the second S?
44:20Are you taking something out or putting it back in?
44:24I just want it to be useful.
44:27I'll be honest with you, I'm not happy about that at all.
44:29OK, would you like to see the next one?
44:32Uh, yeah.
44:33I'm sure that has to be better.
44:42I think we need to focus on...
44:47What's happening with the K?
44:49It looks like you're in Germany in 1940.
44:53You look like you're a Nazi man.
44:57Yes.
44:58The first S, by the way,
45:00looks like you've had a very unfortunate accident in Bali.
45:06It looks like...
45:09Yeah, well, I think I'm ready to score.
45:10They're both terrible.
45:13But I found Julia and Danielle's teams
45:16slightly more amusing.
45:18So I'm thinking I'm going to give Julia and Danielle two.
45:21OK.
45:22They both get two.
45:23The bad improv troupe, they get one.
45:26LAUGHTER
45:28So has that done anything for moving
45:30and or shaking our scoreboard for the night?
45:32Yeah, it's added one to some of them
45:33and two to some of the others.
45:34LAUGHTER
45:36What about the totals?
45:37Oh, the totals.
45:38Yeah, the totals.
45:39The winner of the episode is Julia Morris.
45:41Let's have a seat.
45:41It's going to have a seat.
45:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:45Congratulations, Julia.
45:46Five very pretentious items coming your way.
45:48You can take them home, put them in your house
45:51and look at them through a monocle while wearing a top hat.
45:54Do whatever you want.
45:55They're yours.
45:56Get up on stage and claim your pretentious bounty.
45:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:01Five episodes down
46:02and we are halfway through our inaugural season.
46:04And while there is only one winner,
46:06the rest of us walk away with something even more pretentious.
46:09Knowledge.
46:11Tonight we learnt that popcorn is generally inedible
46:14when drowned in toilet water.
46:16We learnt about the unique bathing habits
46:19of the East African giraffe.
46:21But importantly, however, we learnt our episode five winner
46:24is Julia!
46:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:27Make her feel loved for about 30 more seconds
46:30by piping loudly.
46:31We'll see you next week with more Class Nice Australia.
46:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:49It wasn't part of the task.
46:50We didn't need to show that.
46:53Send it!
46:54That even made me feel ill.
46:56You're wasting my time.
46:58This is a bad idea.
46:58Luke threatened to bash me.
47:00I thought you did a really good job.
47:01You never say that.
47:02That's really nice.
47:03LAUGHTER
47:03LAUGHTER
47:03LAUGHTER
47:03LAUGHTER
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