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Taskmaster AU S02E02
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00:03Aaaaaah!
00:05AAAAAAH!
00:17AAAAAAAAAH!
00:18Aaaaaahhh!
00:19AAAAAAH!
00:20AAAAAAH!
00:21Ahh!
00:21AAAAAAH!
00:22No!
00:23God!
00:38Good evening and welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
00:41I've manipulated five comedians into attending tonight, all to compete for this galaxy brain
00:46containing golden mimeograph of my head.
00:52Those not wiser, not wise, not even wise-ish comedians are Anne Edmonds, Jenny Tien, Josh
01:03Thomas, Lloyd Langford and Will Anderson, and the person who I tried to manipulate into
01:14not being here by scheduling a Learn to Draw Anime Girls event at the same time as his taping is
01:21Tom Cashman.
01:25Why didn't you go to the drawing class?
01:27I knew it was a trick, and I already know how to do it.
01:34Alright Tom, make yourself useful and tell us about the prize task.
01:38Tonight our contestants have been asked to bring in the thing most likely to make your parents tut tut,
01:43and at the end of tonight the winner of the episode will take home all five tut tutable prizes.
01:47Okay, well Will Anderson, what have you brought in to make your parents tut tut?
01:50My parents are dairy farmers, Tom, so I thought I'd start there, so I brought in this.
01:55That's a little cow in like a skimpy bikini, and if you press it...
02:02That is my parents saying tut tut.
02:05They sounded like cow chewing on cud.
02:09Alright, so scantily clad.
02:10They're normally naked, isn't that worse?
02:12I think if you went to a farm and a cow was in a bikini you'd think that was worse.
02:18Alright, Jenny, what do you have?
02:20Yes, so my parents when they get older they always talk about how I'm going to take care of them,
02:24so I've brought in a pack for the retirement village I'm going to send them to.
02:28Okay.
02:31Oh, we can see there's a 110% dissatisfaction rate,
02:36because I'm going to send them to the cheapest retirement home in the country.
02:39Yeah, and I'm also going to give them the absolute nastiest nurse in the country,
02:43which is...
02:46Okay, so it's a horrible retirement village that you've made up,
02:49but they're going to be cared for by their daughter.
02:51That kind of sounds nice.
02:52That's every old person's dream.
02:54But like, I don't have any nursing qualifications.
02:57Yeah, but their misplaced parental pride might overshadow that.
03:00Who said they had pride?
03:05Lloyd, what do you have?
03:06I'm glad you asked.
03:09I have a photograph of me standing next to and not retreating from a lit firework.
03:18And it is attached to a copy of the Daily Mail newspaper.
03:22The Daily Mail is full of scare stories about immigration and global warming
03:28and the royal family and stuff, so they'll already be in a tutting vibe.
03:33Okay.
03:33And then they'll turn over the page and they'll be faced with a photograph of me
03:37absolutely disobeying the accepted laws of the firework behaviour.
03:43Okay.
03:44Anne, what did you bring in?
03:45I actually brought in my Deb dress.
03:48Ooh.
03:48Um...
03:49You already...
03:50No, I can just...
03:51I can already feel judgemental energy from parents, just...
03:53Well, my mum, who is a feminist, she said to me,
03:57I'll give you $1,000 if you don't make your Deb.
04:01And so at the age of 17, I gave up $1,000 to be paraded around in front of men.
04:06LAUGHTER
04:09I got $1,000 anyway from...
04:11No.
04:12LAUGHTER
04:15What's a Deb?
04:16Oh, you're a...
04:17Where did you go to school, Tom?
04:19None of your business.
04:21LAUGHTER
04:22You obviously weren't invited.
04:24It's when they...
04:27They parade the women around and society goes,
04:30She's out!
04:31Yeah.
04:32Marry her off!
04:34Is this how you met Lloyd?
04:35Yes.
04:36LAUGHTER
04:37That was a very hotly contested auction.
04:40LAUGHTER
04:42So, Josh, what would make your parents tut?
04:45I brought in, um, your gold Logie.
04:48Oh.
04:49LAUGHTER
04:51They, um...
04:52They really don't like you.
04:54LAUGHTER
04:56APPLAUSE
04:58APPLAUSE
05:01So they don't like my comedy or my whole act?
05:04They just think that you're a piece of shit.
05:08LAUGHTER
05:10Probably never going to meet your parents, it doesn't worry me.
05:12You've met my parents.
05:13Have I?
05:14No.
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16LAUGHTER
05:19Well, Josh's mum, if you are watching, I think you're a f***.
05:23LAUGHTER
05:24Cheers.
05:24Cheers.
05:24Here we go.
05:25Cheers.
05:25Fix that.
05:26No, no, no, no.
05:27Well, I'd better score these.
05:29Will on one point, because I think a nude cow would be even more...
05:32I'd tut-tut at that myself.
05:34Jenny, I'm going to give two points, because quite considerate.
05:37I mean, at the moment, it may seem like a long way away,
05:39but I'm telling you, they'll eventually appreciate it.
05:41No, but they're Asian parents, so no, they won't.
05:45LAUGHTER
05:45I'm not sure what that means, cos I'm white.
05:49Josh, I'm giving three points to.
05:50I know he's saying that his parents hate me,
05:53but I'm quite happy about that.
05:55Lloyd's going to get four points,
05:56because being too close to a bottle rocket
05:58is a definite parental dressing down.
06:00And five points to Anne, because...
06:02mothers hate their daughters.
06:04LAUGHTER
06:06Right, we say it.
06:09All right, Tom.
06:10Task time.
06:11One of the real ones that we filmed with cameras.
06:14You know what I always say,
06:15if life gives you lemons,
06:16turn it into the first team task of the season!
06:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
06:28MUSIC
06:32Hello.
06:33Hi, Josh.
06:34You look good.
06:37Don't run too fast.
06:38There's some dangerous implements over here.
06:40You don't want me getting cut by a knife.
06:42I would hate that.
06:43Bunch of lemons?
06:44Oh, my God!
06:45Hello!
06:45Hello, how are you?
06:46Oh, my God.
06:47Hello, nice to see you.
06:48Nice to see you too.
06:49Oh, hello, Edmunds!
06:51Hi.
06:52Where did you come from?
06:53I just sort of live out the front there.
06:55Oh!
06:59Oh, my God!
07:01Well, you look like the worst discount wiggles of all time.
07:06How have you found Tom Cashman?
07:07Yeah, good.
07:08He's really warm and, um...
07:09Sometimes I find him really annoying,
07:10but sometimes I like him.
07:12Yeah.
07:12I mostly like him.
07:13So, who wants to read the...?
07:14I'll read it.
07:15OK.
07:15OK, let's go.
07:18This is hard.
07:19Do you find this bit hard?
07:20I haven't found that bit hard, no.
07:22This is the hardest bit for me.
07:23Yeah.
07:24This is hard.
07:26Toss lemons from one waste bin to another.
07:29All tossing and all catching must be done with waste bins.
07:33Any lemon that hits the ground, Tom will make into lemonade.
07:37Further successful toss in metres...
07:39What does that mean?
07:40It's just...
07:41It doesn't need to say metres, does it?
07:42All those words.
07:43Further successful toss in metres minus the amount of lemonade in litres wins.
07:48You have 15 minutes.
07:50Your time starts now.
07:51Maybe we should start off small and give ourselves confidence.
07:55Right.
07:55Should we just start really long and see if we win?
07:57Yeah, OK.
08:03So, can you just talk us through the task again?
08:05Um, it's total metres...
08:06Total metres.
08:07..minus the amount of litres of lemonade, which would be created by any dropped lemon, any
08:12lemon that touches the ground.
08:13I juice, and that's the litreage that is minused from the metreage.
08:16I've made this too complicated.
08:18Didn't understand it then, I don't understand it now.
08:22Basically, you've got to throw from...
08:24From what?
08:26Do you want me to have a go?
08:28Maybe.
08:28So, you've got to throw a lemon from one basket to another.
08:30Mmm.
08:31The longest distance is the best.
08:32Yep.
08:32But you subtract the amount of litres of juice from the lemons on the ground.
08:36Yeah.
08:39OK, so...
08:40I like to name the names, but I feel like Will already named his team beautifully as the discount Wiggles.
08:47I'm just going to sit back on the other team.
08:49OK.
08:50And maybe I'll decide later.
08:51Anyway, metres minus litres, easy.
08:53Which team is going to start us off?
08:55This team is a lot like lemons.
08:57If they showed up at half-time to your local footy match, you'd think something's gone horribly wrong.
09:01It's Anne and Josh!
09:03All right.
09:04You ready?
09:07That doesn't count!
09:08That doesn't count!
09:09Still in there.
09:10We've got 15 minutes.
09:11Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
09:13OK, OK, OK.
09:14Wait, we don't have to worry about him, though.
09:15Do you want to throw or can't?
09:23OK, I can get further.
09:24I can get further.
09:25I can get further.
09:25I can go further.
09:31Let's do some more.
09:35I'll have a throw, now.
09:38Oh, you should throw.
09:42Oh!
09:43Oh!
09:44I mean, we would have been almost the same.
09:46These have touched the ground.
09:47Look how small that is.
09:48They haven't...
09:48These have touched the ground.
09:50What? If they touch the ground?
09:51That's correct.
09:52Should we stop?
09:55It bounced down!
09:56Just look there!
09:58How could I toss further?
10:00You could go up on the top.
10:01Go up there.
10:02Go on the balcony.
10:03OK, go, go, go.
10:04This is the most important thing you've ever done.
10:06I know you've done TV shows and lived in LA and stuff, but this will make or break you this.
10:13This is a lemon!
10:14Oh!
10:15Oh, that was so close.
10:18Oh!
10:20It hit my wrist.
10:27Oh!
10:28I was here.
10:29Is that good?
10:30Is that further?
10:30I don't know.
10:31Go right out there.
10:32Yeah.
10:32We'll go right out there and then this will be a wrap.
10:36No!
10:39I think we're done.
10:40Oh, the whistle!
10:41Hey, whistle boy!
10:43There's just two lemons just dropped, but it was just...
10:46No!
10:46Why did I point that out?
10:48I don't know why you did that.
10:49Honey, you've gone real serious about that juice.
10:53You're so busy juicing.
10:55Well, this is our winning...
10:56Ooh!
10:57This is our winning lemon.
10:58What happens with the juice?
11:04Look at him.
11:05It's like a new cat.
11:07Is that touching the grass?
11:08It's not touching a blade of grass.
11:09Ah!
11:10Oh!
11:11Ah!
11:11Oh!
11:15Oh!
11:16OK, well, I'm not sure that you understood what was going on there,
11:23given Josh, you said what's going on with the juice.
11:25Do you understand now?
11:28Um...
11:30We assumed that only the lemons that we missed catching in them,
11:33but then some fell out of the wheelbarrow and that counted
11:35and we sort of hadn't thought that through.
11:37Yeah.
11:37Yeah.
11:37But...
11:37I think we should have stopped.
11:40You should have stopped.
11:43When Josh said, I think we're doing quite good,
11:45at that point they dropped 14 lemons in a row.
11:50But, like, let's be honest, how many did you expect us to drop?
11:54I would have thought more than 14.
11:56Yeah, 14 feels right.
11:57So you've got 10.8 metres distance and 1.7 litres of juice,
12:00which gives you a final score of 9.1.
12:02I feel good at that point.
12:04APPLAUSE
12:07So I've been thinking about the team name.
12:09We've got Discount Wiggles.
12:10Yep.
12:10I need something equivalent,
12:11so I'm thinking Premium Economy Hoolie-Doolies.
12:15LAUGHTER
12:17Wiggles, Discount, Premium Economy, Hoolie-Doolies.
12:22It's about even.
12:23I don't know what a Hoolie-Doolie is.
12:25I don't know either.
12:26Yeah.
12:26The fact that you don't know who they are makes it even better.
12:29Hello to the Hoolie-Doolies if you're watching at home.
12:32No-one remembers you!
12:34Hey, Hoolie-Doolies!
12:36F*** yeah!
12:38Yeah, and Josh's mum, if you're still watching,
12:40you're still a f*** with.
12:42LAUGHTER
12:43Alright, our very own Lemon Party continues right after this.
12:47APPLAUSE
12:57Welcome back to Taskmaster, the Olympic Arena where comedians clash in marathons of confusing
13:03life challenges involving shit like eggs or lemons.
13:06Tom Cashman, where are we up to?
13:08It's the Discount Wiggles with the ingredients for a very discounted fruit salad.
13:12Yummy, yummy.
13:13It's Jenny.
13:13Well enjoyed.
13:15Hey, any lemon hits the ground, Tom will turn into lemon.
13:18No, no, no, no, you should not.
13:20That was, that, that, that, that wasn't an attempt.
13:24Lloyd, what have you done?
13:25Yeah.
13:26That wasn't an attempt first from one waste basket to another.
13:29Alright, you ready?
13:30Yeah.
13:32Oh, shoot.
13:32Oh, that was great.
13:34We've got one.
13:34Okay, that's our, that's our first distance.
13:37Oh, that's great.
13:38Okay.
13:39I feel like you can at least take another step back.
13:41Go.
13:42Oh, shoot.
13:43Sorry.
13:43Okay.
13:43Alright, that one hit the ground.
13:45That's fine.
13:45That's going to be juice.
13:45That doesn't matter.
13:46Alright, big throw.
13:47Good catch.
13:48Oh, see, that's it.
13:51Oh, that's, okay.
13:52Yeah, move that marker.
13:53That's off the marker.
13:54You move that marker though.
13:55That's good.
13:56Oh, oh.
13:57No, okay.
13:57That one's, that one's hit the ground.
13:59Do you want to tag in for a second?
14:00We'll give it a go.
14:02Oh.
14:03Hey, that was pretty good.
14:04I'm not letting it hit the ground.
14:08Yes!
14:09Here we go.
14:11Oh.
14:11Got it.
14:12Yes!
14:12Good work.
14:14This is good.
14:14Right here.
14:15Thank you very much.
14:16Wow.
14:16Alright.
14:17Big throw, big fella.
14:18Let's go.
14:21Oh, one of the all-time crates.
14:23Damn!
14:23There we go.
14:24That was great.
14:25That's a great throw, my friend.
14:28Oh.
14:29Got it.
14:31Yes!
14:34You are amazing.
14:36Seriously.
14:36What do you reckon you got in your Lloyd?
14:38I think Lloyd wants another one.
14:40I mean, you know what?
14:40You may as well.
14:4125 seconds.
14:42Yeah, why not?
14:43Go for glory.
14:44Yeah, let's do it.
14:45Give us a discus version.
14:46Let's see what happens.
14:48Could be the greatest moment in Taskmaster history.
14:50Yeah, go Lloyd!
15:16Look.
15:17What?
15:18We did lose and it would've lost...
15:21Come on, Lemon Boy.
15:21Don't let us have our moment.
15:24How do you feel about the fact that when they threw they had two people with two different baskets...
15:29K-ball are catching.
15:30That's a good point.
15:31They've got two basket opportunities, and we just had me.
15:35But your ineptitude is still the same.
15:39Yeah. Yeah.
15:42No, I was asking the question, and I do think the answer is that we don't mind.
15:46Well, I think the problem is, even if we say,
15:48oh, we think it's unfair they had two baskets,
15:50Tom will say, shut the f*** up.
15:54My mother's watching at home, and at the moment she's tut-tutting, Josh.
15:57Do you know what I've already said about your mum?
16:02What? What?
16:04She's a s***.
16:09She has actually passed away, but anyway.
16:13From all the sex.
16:21Okay, so the Discount Wiggles did great.
16:23I mean, that was pretty amazing.
16:24Did we accidentally invent a task that is actually a Welsh national sport boy?
16:30Because you were all over that.
16:32Yeah, I just started vibing.
16:33I was like, I was born to hike citrus out of waste receptacles.
16:40It was honestly impressive.
16:41He just stepped up, and it was like, oh, my God.
16:43I was, like, really attracted to him.
16:49So, the Discount Wiggles threw their lemon 19.8 metres.
16:55Only 0.9 litres, so their score is 18.9 more than twice the other team.
16:59Yeah.
17:04Well, I think that, yeah, the Discount Wiggles did a great job, so it's 5.55.
17:07Okay.
17:08And the premium economy hoolie-doolies get three and three.
17:13Okay.
17:13Yeah, great, I'm happy with that.
17:14Yeah.
17:16So, Alyssa, Tom, can you give us an episode score update?
17:19Josh and Will are on six points each.
17:22Jenny's on seven.
17:23Anne's on eight.
17:24But Lloyd is in the lead with nine points.
17:26Ooh!
17:28Okay, let's stick another task in there, God, shall we?
17:31The last task was about fruit, and we're all about balance.
17:33So, here's the task about vegetables.
17:51Morning, Tom.
17:52Hi, Anne.
17:53Hi, Jenny.
17:54Hi, Tom.
17:57Root vegetables.
17:58I don't even know what some of them are.
18:00Sweet potato, beetroot.
18:02And this is a carrot.
18:04Parsnip.
18:05Oh, parsnip.
18:06Turnip.
18:07But this one is a mystery to me.
18:09This is a celeriac.
18:10If this task is for us to root, Tom, I'm very excited about this.
18:14Oh, okay.
18:17Make love to Tom.
18:18You have 30 seconds.
18:20Your time starts now.
18:21Is that your usual time?
18:23Pick a root vegetable, then do something breathtaking with it.
18:27You have 30 seconds to choose your root vegetable.
18:30Then 30 minutes to do something with it.
18:33Most breathtaking thing wins.
18:37Your time starts now.
18:39I'm going to pick this one.
18:41Teleriac.
18:41Ooh.
18:42Oh.
18:44Yeah.
18:45Why did you choose that one?
18:47It looked more like a willy.
18:48Mm.
18:49Tom.
18:50Can't beat a root.
18:52I pick up what you're putting down.
18:53We're going to be special friends.
18:56Special?
18:57No.
18:57Not like that, Tom.
18:58You get your mind out of the gutter.
19:00Okay.
19:00And then what do I do breathtaking with it?
19:07I think you sort of held your breath through that.
19:10You're finished?
19:11Then 30 minutes to do something with it.
19:13Oh, I've misread it.
19:15Oh, I've misread it, haven't I?
19:17No.
19:17Okay, well, let's try and do something more breathtaking than that.
19:21Okay.
19:22So, just to be clear, we've got Joshua in a sweet potato, as did Anne.
19:25Jenny grabbed the celeriac and Will the beetroot for its joke potential, obviously,
19:30and Lloyd the parsnip.
19:31Who's first?
19:32For maximum healthiness tonight, we will consume five vegetable-based tasks.
19:36Our first, of course, is Jenny.
19:38Woo!
19:40Welcome to the Root Vegetable Olympics.
19:43Today, we have the diving event.
19:46In competition, we have beetroot, sweet potato, and what's that coming?
19:50The incredible celeriac, who has a name very hard to pronounce, therefore making it the
19:57superior root vegetable.
19:59First up, we have sweet potato.
20:02Oh!
20:03Land on the ground like a loser.
20:06Next up, beetroot.
20:09Oh!
20:09And it doesn't make it either.
20:12It doesn't belong in burgers or the Olympics.
20:14And finally, we have celeriac.
20:17Diving.
20:18Diving.
20:19Now!
20:20It turns.
20:22It spins.
20:23It's flying through the air.
20:25I have never seen anything so magnificent.
20:27And it's planned.
20:29Absolutely breathtaking.
20:32Celeriac is the winner.
20:39I got a good reaction, Jenny.
20:41Yeah.
20:41Were you supposed to just choose one root vegetable?
20:44It never said you can't have all of them there.
20:46You had to choose one and do something...
20:48Breathtaking with that one.
20:49Yeah, with that one.
20:50But I did with the one.
20:51The other vegetables lost.
20:53I'm with Jenny 100% on this.
20:55The celeriac was the only one that did anything breathtaking.
20:58Exactly!
20:58They were prawns.
20:59But just before you get excited, Jenny, every time Josh backs himself, it goes badly.
21:05I agree.
21:05Like, for the celeriac to, you know, win gold in the Olympics would be breathtaking.
21:10Yeah.
21:10But the other root vegetables were in the Olympics, which I would also say is quite breathtaking.
21:16Would you really call a splat on the ground breathtaking?
21:18Let me just picture it.
21:20I'm watching the Olympics.
21:21Someone jumps up the board.
21:23They split in half.
21:24You know what I'd do.
21:27I can't breathe!
21:28I can't breathe!
21:31In fact, more so than the gold medal.
21:34Okay, who's next?
21:35This guy never struggled to get a root.
21:36At least that's what he's always telling me.
21:38It's Will Anderson.
21:40Hi there.
21:41Hi, Tom.
21:42Will?
21:42I am Will, but I'm also a beetroot.
21:45Tom, will you make me the happiest beetroot in the world and take this task from me?
21:52Okay.
21:53Could you please open it?
21:55Be mine every day, every night.
21:58Tom, are you owed orgasms tonight?
22:02Question mark, question mark.
22:04I love you.
22:05Please marry me.
22:06Yeah.
22:07You think you can make me the happiest beetroot on earth?
22:14I love you.
22:21I think we've just learnt why you never said yes to a sketch show.
22:29I feel like you're way outside your comfort zone.
22:32Yes, of course I am.
22:33I've come on someone else's show.
22:35It's weird to sit over the other side of a panel, you know?
22:38I know.
22:39I have been thinking, why are you doing this show?
22:41Do you need money?
22:42You know I can lend it to you.
22:45Well firstly Tom, I mean I actually kind of do need money.
22:50But if I did need money this would not be the show that I would come on because we're all
22:54being paid the same despite our experience.
23:00Is that why you were doing the root jokes before because it's all you think?
23:04Yeah, you get what you pay for.
23:07It's break time, so why don't you go to your fridge bottom drawer, find that sad shrivelled up carrot and
23:12set it free by chucking it into the night.
23:14See you after this.
23:26Welcome back to Taskmaster.
23:27We've seen some spuds have a crack with some lemons and now we're in the middle of watching these lemons
23:33tool around with some spuds.
23:34That's right, our contestants are trying to do something breathtaking with a root vegetable.
23:38So far we've had a spectacular fall from Jenny and a spectacular fall from Grace from Will.
23:44Who's up next?
23:45Can he beat snapping a bit of it off with his knee?
23:48It's Josh Thomas.
23:51You know sometimes you see those people and they make a battery out of a potato.
23:55What people?
23:56You make a circuit.
24:00You connect the copper to the zinc and then you connect the copper to the light pole but that makes
24:05a circuit.
24:07So now we connect this to this.
24:10Okay.
24:10Can we turn the lights off?
24:12Oh!
24:15Is it not working?
24:16Yeah.
24:21It feels like a let down.
24:23Okay.
24:23I feel disappointed.
24:24Yep.
24:25It's just me and you in the dark staring at a potato.
24:31Even your mother would be tut-tutting that.
24:35You've got to give it to me.
24:36It was a quick package though.
24:39Can we make a potato battery?
24:41No we can't!
24:43Now it's time for Jenny Tian.
24:46The good news is you did already snap a sweet potato in half and by comparison that was breathtaking.
24:52So I'm more than happy to go with the snapped sweet potato.
24:57Well then, let's have another lesser Tom.
25:00I've heard of Mr Potato Head.
25:01It's time for some Mrs Potato Dread with Anne Edmonds.
25:06Hi, my name's Sweetie.
25:09I came today because my grandma and I always used to sing together and she just passed away.
25:16Um, this is my song.
25:21I'm just a sweet potato.
25:29I'm long and strange and bumpy.
25:37That's what the other potatoes call me.
25:45Yeah, I'm always left on the shelf.
25:55Yeah, I'm sweet, sweet potato.
26:03Yeah, I'm sweet, sweet potato.
26:10Sweet, sweet potato.
26:13Sweet, sweet potato.
26:13Sweet, sweet potato.
26:19Baby, I was born to...
26:29Fry...
26:44Righto.
26:45Thanks, Anne.
26:46No worries.
26:53Sorry, I've just got to get my breath back.
26:55That was amazing.
26:57Moving.
26:57That was very moving.
26:58And Lloyd, you know, I've been singing that song around the house too.
27:01Did it ring a bell?
27:02To me it just sounded like an old classic.
27:06So you improved all of that.
27:08Holy cow, you're talented.
27:10Yeah, she improved the lines sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet potato.
27:16Yeah.
27:16OK, we've got one more attempt at taking breaths with a dirt nugget.
27:20He's a big fan of underground jazz.
27:22Let's see how he feels about underground vegetables.
27:24It's Lloyd Langford.
27:26I saw like an American football player.
27:29OK.
27:30And he threw it over a house.
27:33As soon as it let go of his hand, he ran around the house and then he caught it.
27:38Right.
27:39And I reckon I could throw this parsnip over that shed and do the same thing.
27:45What I'm wondering is, if I keep trying it and failing, are you going to use that footage?
27:54That's the right...
27:55Did you run all the way around so quickly that I missed it?
27:57I went fully around the shed then.
28:00I did it again.
28:01I did it again.
28:09I'm not a very athletic person.
28:19Yeah.
28:19Do this.
28:20Get your head together.
28:21Get in the game.
28:22We'll do this.
28:29You think it's possible?
28:30Yeah.
28:37That was heartbreaking how much time if I go 26 seconds right
29:07It's almost like you were performing to a crowd there
29:09I was just fantasizing doing it like in a stadium, you know, do you think you'll beat the others here?
29:14I'd like to see Josh Thomas throw past above her shed and catch on the other side
29:18You could rename the task
29:21For everyone else you could say Lloyd through a pass above her shed and call it
29:25Can you do the same so you're challenging the other specifically? I'm laying down the gauntlet
29:33So parsnip throwing I feel like we've stumbled on another Welsh national sport
29:37It took me so long I injured my wrist and I had to one of the crew had to like
29:43tape my wrist up for the remaining tasks
29:45And it really took the shine off
29:47I feel bad that Anne having to sit there watch you do that. Well, I was just about to say
29:52it's over
29:52Yeah, it's over the shed. No, no, no, no, no, no, it's over
29:59Okay, well you said that we should turn it into a task and I agree with you Lloyd so we
30:04did oh
30:08well
30:12Lloyd threw a parsnip over a shed and caught it can you do the same if you do it in
30:17fewer attempts and Lloyd Lloyd is wrong
30:19I love it when Lloyd's wrong. You have ten minutes your time starts now
30:25There's a couple of skins on a card that I would just use my mother to be in the game
30:25I love it when you leave that
30:25They don't have to worry about it
30:26Your dad wants to see you every single fee or my bouton
30:32You have to be in the game
30:40Good point in the game
30:46It's the game
30:46You have to be in the game
30:47You have to wait for Mr. Edward, to be in the game
30:47Oh my god
30:50Like Charlie?
30:51That was the single coolest moment, in the game
30:55One-headed.
31:01So Lloyd took 24 attempts to catch a parsnip after being thrown over the shed.
31:06Everybody else did it in less than 24.
31:10Well, I think the only thing to do there is to give all the others a bonus point and not
31:14Lloyd.
31:19So to go back to the primary task, I have to grade all of them.
31:23I think Will's on one point because I don't ever want to see him do sketch comedy ever again.
31:27Well, you're going to have to close your eyes a couple of times over the next few weeks.
31:32Josh, I'm giving two points to. The knee snap was underwhelming compared to all the others.
31:36Lloyd's on three because it was a good initial task before he started the smack talk.
31:40Jenny's on four because it was an Olympic standard.
31:43But my breath was actually taken away just by that beautiful sweet potato singing its little heart out.
31:48And five points.
31:53Now you've had your fruit, you've had your veggies.
31:56The foundations of the food pyramid.
31:59So let's squeeze in some more TV junk food for an ad break.
32:02See you after this.
32:12Welcome back to Taskmaster.
32:14We've watched lemons go into the trash and Lloyd's reputation as a parsnip thrower go even further into the trash.
32:20What could be next?
32:21Another task.
32:22And my apologies, this one involves a bit of a pong.
32:24A ping pong.
32:38Hi.
32:38Hey Jenny.
32:40Hello.
32:41Hi Josh.
32:42OK.
32:44Are you toots?
32:45Hi.
32:46Hello.
32:47What now?
32:48What's going on here?
32:50Get those balls into that jar, you're not allowed to use your hands.
32:54Get the balls from this jar into that jar.
32:57You may not touch the balls with your hands.
32:58Fastest wins.
33:00The time starts now.
33:01You've got it all figured out.
33:11You mother f***er.
33:15Yeah.
33:16Um.
33:17Never underestimate us Lloyd.
33:20Uh.
33:21Seems simple enough.
33:22Move the balls from this container to that container pretty much.
33:25Yes.
33:26Who's first?
33:26First up we've got Will, Lloyd and Jenny.
33:30Get the balls from this jar into that jar.
33:32You may not touch the balls with your hands.
33:37Ah.
33:38There's no bottom on that is there?
33:40If I picked that up all the balls would have gone everywhere.
33:42We'd hate that.
33:50I see what you've done.
33:53You know what?
33:53Come make sure.
33:56Time to start scooping up some balls.
34:01Okay.
34:01This vacuum cleaner.
34:02Feels like I could only suck one ball at a time if I did that.
34:05I'm going to be back.
34:14If anything that feels like it's going to take longer.
34:17Maybe I could use this as like a container.
34:21Hang on.
34:21Hang on.
34:22Wait.
34:23It'd be better if I had some sort of funnel.
34:26How's your day been?
34:28Pretty good.
34:29I mean they've just been putting balls in jars.
34:31I know that for you Liv.
34:33Oh man.
34:34Why is this really the fastest way to do this?
34:37The jar is wearing a bib.
34:38The jar is wearing a bib Tom.
34:40Yes exactly.
34:41Let's give it a go.
34:44The bibs have been effective.
34:46We got some balls loose Tom.
34:48What are you thinking?
34:49I'm thinking like all of the best proctologists.
34:54I'm going to fix this bottom.
34:55Oh I just realised that the bouncy balls are big enough for the vacuum.
35:04Oh Tom.
35:05Why is this going so badly?
35:07I'm just going to try something else.
35:08Is there a time limit on this task?
35:10No.
35:10Just because I overheard the crew talking about all the time.
35:13It might be necessary.
35:18Suck in them balls anyway.
35:19I won't say that again.
35:31I like this bit.
35:32Oh yeah.
35:33Here we go.
35:36Look.
35:37I suppose that's one of the downsides of using so much tape.
35:39I want to try and complete the task for the best of my ability.
35:42And then we can all move on with our lives I suppose.
35:45We're going to leave no ball ungrabbed.
35:47Do you think any proctologists ever say that?
35:50You'll be struck off a register.
35:55So finish it off.
35:57One.
35:57Two.
36:00One.
36:02Whoever's in the props department needs their arse kicked for that.
36:05A basic error.
36:06All right.
36:09Yay.
36:11If they've just cut a circle at the very bottom it would have been impossible to see.
36:16Impossible you think?
36:17I could have put something underneath if I knew there was a hole underneath.
36:21No.
36:27Okay well I feel in summary it's Will, Nerd, Lloyd, Dope, Jenny, well-meaning.
36:33At what point did you know things weren't going well for you, Jenny?
36:36Before this series, I thought I was really quite a competent human being.
36:42And then I did tasks like this.
36:44It was the last task of the day, might I add.
36:47I was on such little sleep and all I wanted was a nap
36:51and then I just couldn't keep track of anything.
36:54I went into this show not thinking I had any competence
36:57and constantly proved that I have, like, half-confidence.
37:00I'm always like, can I identify what the problem is?
37:02But I can't necessarily find what the solution to that problem is.
37:05OK, so you're like opposite Jenny.
37:07In almost every way.
37:11So, Lloyd, you came in pretty cocky,
37:14thinking that you knew what the task was going to be all about.
37:17And then you very quickly hoisted yourself on your own petard.
37:20When the balls fell out the bottom...
37:22Oh, we loved it.
37:24I did a bit as well.
37:27I was excited and then...
37:29It was like your first sexual experience.
37:32Like mine?
37:33Oh, you mean people in general.
37:35You said that to me very directly.
37:37You said it was like your first sexual experience.
37:40And I'm like, I remember being there and you not being there.
37:44So Jenny took 34 minutes and 41 seconds.
37:48Lloyd took 23 minutes and 9 seconds.
37:51And Will was slightly faster, 22 minutes and 14 seconds.
37:57That leaves Jenny in last place, but not to kick her while she's down.
38:00But you might want to see this.
38:02You may not touch the balls with your hands.
38:08Oh, f***.
38:10Did I just disqualify myself?
38:17No, I didn't realise that these things are possible.
38:23Oh, but I can't touch the balls.
38:25Ah, I touched it!
38:26You know, I hope I don't get disqualified for touching those balls at the beginning.
38:34Jenny touched 17 balls in total.
38:40You said during that that you hope that it doesn't disqualify you.
38:43But don't you commend my effort that even though the first thing I did was touch balls,
38:47I still spent how long again?
38:4939 minutes?
38:5034 minutes.
38:5034 minutes completing the rest of the task.
38:53It's true.
38:53It's one of the best disqualifications I've ever seen.
38:56All right, we're done with this part of the show.
38:58We're going to move to that part of the show, which happens right after the break.
39:11Hello, we are back here on Taskmaster.
39:14Before the break, Will and Lloyd did some low-efficiency ball transplants
39:19and Jenny got too handsy, leaving her empty-handed.
39:22We're in the midst of a task where our contestants are trying to move balls.
39:25from jar to jar without using their hands.
39:27The door to first place could still be a jar too.
39:29Next up, it's Anne and Josh.
39:32Your time starts now.
39:38There's a hole in the bottom.
39:40That's the stunt.
39:46Well, I won't do that again.
39:48Fastest wind.
39:49Okay.
39:58That's taken a turn.
39:59For the worst, there.
40:05It's not quite good, though.
40:07Is it?
40:14There is a vacuum cleaner.
40:19It's fun.
40:32No, wrong container.
40:42I'm done.
40:43Are you?
40:44What was the task?
40:46All the balls.
40:49Well, now aren't I in a spot of bother.
40:53It's going to take ages.
40:55So we're all just going to stay here while I do this, are we?
40:58I guess.
40:58This is just doing chores, isn't it?
41:00A little bit.
41:02Do you feel good right now?
41:04I feel normal.
41:05I don't really want to pick them all up.
41:08I know that sounds immature, but I just don't really want to do it, you know?
41:12But you're not satisfied with the implements?
41:14The implements are great.
41:15What if I sweep onto the...
41:17The plastic seems like the only real...
41:19Don't touch.
41:19What?
41:20I did touch one.
41:21Does that mean I'm disqualified?
41:22I'd love to be disqualified.
41:24Am I disqualified?
41:26Uh-oh.
41:31I'm just going to admit defeat and say, you know, I'm now at the mercy of the taskmaster.
41:36Okay.
41:36Oh, I'm disqualified.
41:37Would you like to be disqualified?
41:47So, Anne, I feel like a lot went wrong for you.
41:50Were you having a day?
41:52Can I just say, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet day?
41:55Remember that?
41:56I do remember that, but it did erase my memory of it.
42:00I couldn't get all those balls out.
42:01I just don't have that kind of staying power.
42:04That's how I roll a bit.
42:05Just throw in the towel.
42:06Why not sometimes?
42:08May I remind you also who finished it?
42:15Fair point.
42:17Josh, you were disqualified and then you were very happy to be disqualified.
42:20Yeah.
42:20Only a chump would stay there picking up balls after they've been disqualified.
42:24No, sorry, you didn't know.
42:26No, you didn't know.
42:27Well, you did know, didn't you?
42:28Yeah, yeah.
42:29So, I...
42:30Okay, well, what are the scores?
42:32Well, so Anne quit after 13 minutes and 19 seconds.
42:36Josh disqualified himself after 4 minutes and 14 seconds.
42:41Wow.
42:45Yeah, well, I think it's pretty easy.
42:46Jenny did do one of the best disqualifications I've ever seen in my life, so I'm going to
42:49leave you at zero.
42:50Whereas I feel like Josh's disqualification was minus one.
42:56And also, I feel that Anne, in giving up, sets a bad example, minus one.
43:03You can't just give up on a task.
43:05I can.
43:06I did.
43:07Okay, well, do it again.
43:08There'll be more negatives for you, won't there?
43:11Pfft.
43:14Well, that means four points for Lloyd and five points to an unstoppable Will Anderson.
43:20So, a live task is moments away, but first, how's the episode score looking, Lesser Tom?
43:25Well, we've had some movement.
43:26Josh is on eight.
43:27There's some jostling in the middle, but now Lloyd has taken the lead with 16 points.
43:31Oh!
43:33All right, let's wrap things up with a live task.
43:36Everyone, get on the stage!
43:41So, Lesser Tom, what's all this crap?
43:43Well, before we reveal the task, I would ask each contestant to pick one thing from the
43:48bath, please.
43:51This will backfire.
43:54It always does.
43:55Yeehaw!
43:59So, Anne has a hat, Jenny has a leg, Josh has a chicken, Lloyd has a gnome, and Will
44:05has a plunger.
44:05Jenny, if I could ask you to read this.
44:07Uh-oh.
44:09All right, paint a painting of a thing that rhymes with your thing using only your thing.
44:15Best painting wins.
44:17However, if the taskmaster cannot tell what your thing is, you will lose two points.
44:22You have three minutes.
44:24Anyone have any more questions before we commence?
44:26Are we supposed to be naked under these?
44:31Whatever you do under there is your business.
44:33All right, your three minutes starts now.
44:38That's a silly thing to paint with.
44:40It's the conundrum in which you've found yourself, yes.
44:43You've got two minutes left.
44:45F*** off.
44:50I'm not going to win this.
44:51I should have probably clarified this earlier, but please don't draw anything really, really
44:55rude.
44:58Josh, did you hear that?
45:00What?
45:01That's not rude.
45:02One minute remaining.
45:04No, I want to go home.
45:06I believe in you, Josh.
45:08You can do it.
45:09You're wrong, too.
45:13Three seconds.
45:14Two.
45:15One.
45:16F***.
45:21Okay, well, let's bring these jokers back down to their seats, which is the opposite of
45:24what you should do.
45:25You should get out of your seat, maybe walk around during the break.
45:28See you soon.
45:38Welcome back to Taskmaster, where our mouth air is like fishhooks.
45:42Yes, we're waiting with bated breath.
45:45Well, you need to judge our live tasks, where objects were painted, using objects that rhyme
45:50with those painted objects.
45:51So, first of all, you need to guess what each painting is of.
45:54So, first, can we see Anne's painting?
45:56Okay.
45:57Um, I think that's a cat.
46:00You've nailed it in one.
46:01Okay.
46:03Could we see Jenny's painting?
46:05A little bit abstract, but I'm pretty sure that would be the first thing that pops into
46:09your head to rhyme with leg, and that would be peg.
46:11That is correct.
46:12Yeah!
46:15Could we please see Josh's painting?
46:19Come on!
46:20Come on, Tommy!
46:22Okay.
46:22Well, something that rhymes with chicken, um, it's like you're painting really slowly
46:27and someone yelled out, quicken!
46:29That's all I can think of, really.
46:31That is incorrect.
46:32Does anybody know what it is?
46:35What is it?
46:36It's licking!
46:39That's a big tongue!
46:40That's a big tongue, slurp, slurp, and then that's a lollipop.
46:44And to that I say, thank God.
46:48Lloyd's painting.
46:49Can we see Lloyd's, please?
46:53Well, I think we're obviously looking at a house.
46:59The Taskmaster's just being cute.
47:01That's correct.
47:02Yeah, that's a home, obviously.
47:05Will was painting with a plunger.
47:08If you get this, I'm not going to sit here for the credits.
47:14The Grave Threat.
47:18I'm not sure I'd be able to identify it if I didn't know what it was.
47:22Can I say, when I had clarified with Will what it was, it seemed like he'd forgotten.
47:28Maybe Sponger?
47:41Maybe Sponger?
47:44Oh!
47:46Oh!
47:47Oh!
47:47Oh!
47:47Oh!
47:49Oh!
47:52Alright, well I have to allocate some scores.
47:55I had no idea what Josh was painting so that's obviously minus two and just to be clear he did
48:01quit and I made it very clear before that if you quit that's minus one so I think it's minus
48:06three
48:06for Josh okay I mean I think that sounds fair to me he he has an opportunity to come back
48:13right now
48:14if you want it and he's chosen not to do it so hopefully there'll be more quitting later in the
48:19season Sponger Will is on two because let's be honest I jagged that one Jenny is on three for the
48:28peg the cat was a great painting I think the most beautiful painting was the home by Lloyd
48:38now who wins the good stuff well not doing their best was Josh but on 21 points the winner is
48:43Lloyd
48:43Lincoln all right congratulations Lloyd get up there and rip into that perfect collection of
48:51material items that are finally going to bring meaning to your life and that brings us to the
48:57end of episode two what a show and we've learned so much Tom has genuinely learned what a debutante's
49:04ball is and that he's never been asked to one and I learned that Lloyd was born to hoik fruit
49:10but
49:10cursed to fumble veggies well done Lloyd you're the big winner enjoy your parent displeasing bounty
49:18everyone else see you next time
49:37our comedians have been tasked with making a convincing and effective jingle
49:41Lloyd are you the only Welshman that can't sing that's beautiful
49:46I hate this show Josh was worldwide humiliation what you're aiming for I can't tell you how much I
49:53thought I was gonna win this series
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