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Taskmaster AU S01E04

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00:12This is the best day of my life.
00:34Yes! Hello! Welcome to Taskmaster Australia. My name is Tom Gleeson and I am this country's
00:39only Taskmaster. This is, in many ways, the Sydney Olympics of television. Heroes will
00:44be born, hearts will be broken and ultimately it should bring about $7 billion to the Australian
00:49economy. And why do it? So one lucky athlete can come home with this. My beautiful head
00:56cast in gold. On the starting blocks tonight are the same contestants we always have.
01:03Dania Walker, Jimmy Rees, Julia Morris, Luke McGregor and Nina Yama. And what would an Olympics
01:14be without its Nicky Webster, its my cute little super starlet Tom Cashman?
01:23Our first task is a prize task. Each of our contestants have brought in a prize. The best
01:28one will be awarded five points and the contestant who wins this episode will walk home with all
01:32five prizes. Tonight they have been asked to bring in what they consider to be the coolest
01:37thing they've found on a walk within one kilometre of their house.
01:41A great prize task and a great incentive to do 15 minutes of light exercise. Luke, what
01:47did you find?
01:48Some people are lucky enough to live near a view with a nice bench and I don't live
01:54next to that. One of the people in my neighbourhood took it upon themselves to create a sitting spot
01:59with a view and I found this. I just had a thought too because I brought in the chair that
02:08means
02:08there is no longer that view spot anymore. So you didn't bring in the view which was the
02:14thing that you seem to be most captured by. Yeah, yeah, no there was a mistake we made.
02:20Okay, Jimmy what did you bring in? I go there all the time and it's a cool hipster wankery
02:27kind of cafe. I attempted to haul it here but I just had to steal some menus. Here it is.
02:33Look at all the funky titles to all the meals. You can tell the baristas have long beards
02:40and man buns. Okay, Nina, what have you hauled in?
02:44Well, I live 350 metres from Anthony Albanese's office. So I brought a Marrickville pork roll.
02:58All right, so talk us through the pork roll. They are delicious and if they see this and
03:02want to sponsor me, I would love to get some free food. Okay. But is it cool? It is pretty
03:09cool. Yes. Thank you. The crowd has spoken. Your opinion doesn't matter. Enjoy the rest of
03:15the show. Danielle, what did you bring in for us? I have to preface this with I don't live
03:21near a beach or river system and so on a walk I found a crab that was alive. Okay. It
03:32was
03:32in the middle of a freaking park. What? Yeah, I just found a crab. I don't know if a bird
03:37dropped it. This is the photo of it. It was that big. Oh. Yeah, it's a pretty big crab I
03:42thought,
03:42for a park. Were you not tempted to boil it up and eat it? Once mum made me shelf 15
03:47kilos of
03:48prawns at Christmas and I went off seafood since then. Okay. Unnecessary detail, but I liked it.
03:54Julia. Well, at the corner of my street is one of those amazing, you know, those like blow up
04:00things. There he is. You brought that in? Yes, sir, I did. But yeah, the woo, it's a lot of
04:07fun.
04:08I mean, it's no chair. Which brings me to the scoring, Luke. I think you have to be at the
04:16bottom on one because it's just a chair. Yeah. Why are you feeling sorry for an ordinary looking
04:23man who brought in a chair? So we've got Luke on one. Nina, it's just a pork roll and they're
04:31pretty cheap. It's the best pork roll in Sydney. But it's unimpressive. Okay. All right. So,
04:36Jimmy, you're on three with your menu. Cool. On four points, I'm going to go
04:40with Danielle with the crab. Julia, the inflator. Well, man, it's the coolest,
04:44surely. Five points. Yeah. Colour and movement. All right. Well, let's start digging into the
04:51good gear, Tom. All right. But I must warn you, I have a sinking feeling, by which I mean,
04:55I have a good feeling that this next task relates to sinking.
05:11Hi. Hi, Jimmy. It's so far away. Well, well, well, Tom. Welcome to the dock. Thank you so much,
05:20sir. You look like a celebrant at a wedding. What's that about? The ball. Yeah. You'll see.
05:28Do you want minutes to go to or do you want to catch up or what do you want to?
05:31Maybe just do it.
05:34Sink the bowling ball. You cannot get wet. The fastest wins. Sink the bowling ball.
05:43Your time starts now. I'm glad you said you can't get wet because that would be on my list regardless.
05:52Okay. So that's all there is to it. Just sink the bowling ball. Yeah. All right.
05:57Who are you showing me first? It's Luke and Danielle.
06:01What technique do you use? Maybe a cricketer?
06:06Okay. Well, I'll just do this thing.
06:09Ah, this is not very fast.
06:18Ah. The current. Please hit the ball. Ah. Oh, my God.
06:41It's not sinking. Ah. You've tricked me. Must be one of those light ones. What'd you get a light
06:47one for? Get a bottle. Oh, okay. Okay. So I've got to now make him sink.
06:56Oh, God. All right. How do you row? Is it supposed to stick? I've never actually rowed before.
07:00How do I get into the shore? Tom? Tom, am I moving in the right direction?
07:09Tom? Oh, no. I wish I knew you had a row.
07:12Oh, no. Okay. No. No. No. No. Get to the ball. Come on. No, the wind. No.
07:22I don't know if I just get stuck out here forever.
07:24Grab the ball. Pull me to the ball. Thank you. Keep going. Keep going. We're close.
07:27Okay. Good. Thank you, buddy. Can you pull? Can you pull that in?
07:31Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
07:36Don't help me. I'm fine. I didn't know bowling balls floated.
07:40I'm going to put it in this crab pot. Let's go. Okay.
07:48My bum's not wet, by the way. I piss my pants in the boat. It's not water.
07:52And piss doesn't count as wet? No. It's different.
07:58What the fuuuuuck?
08:00What?
08:02Ah! No, no, no, no!
08:05The crab pot sank. Yeah, I can tell that.
08:14Andrizo bone.
08:15Can I use the anchor if I can, maybe? It's annoying because the ball is spherical, you know?
08:20Yeah. Can you give us a quick twirl? No.
08:24Do you think it's possible to tie a chain around the bowling ball?
08:28Is that me?
08:30Yes. That is you that I'm making fun of.
08:32Ah!
08:34Quick.
08:37Go ahead.
08:43Please. Please, please, please, please, please, please.
08:48It's under the water. Look at that. That sank.
08:53Like I said, I wet my pants. It's not from the water.
09:00So, Luke, I will accept that you weren't wet, if you're happy to admit here in front of all
09:04of your peers that that was 100% human piss.
09:08Is that fair?
09:10I'm worried I'll say it was piss and then you'll give me one point anyway.
09:15Well, you've got nothing to lose.
09:17I don't want to answer any more questions without my lawyer.
09:20So, in the end, you just put it in the sink. So, did you consider that sinking the bowling ball?
09:26Yeah. If someone said, those dishes need sinking, that means they need putting in the sink.
09:32You took a very long time, Danielle.
09:33Yeah. I fully know that because I disassembled the full thing that the bowling ball was on
09:39to try and wrap the chains around the ball. I reckon I did that for 15 to 20 minutes before
09:44I realised I couldn't wrap chains around the ball.
09:47Would you like to know how long they took?
09:49Yeah.
09:49So, Luke put the ball in the sink after 14 minutes and 6 seconds.
09:53Wow.
09:53Danielle sank her ball after 40 minutes and 23 seconds.
09:59OK, we're going to an ad break so you can consider what fine products to sink your money into.
10:05We'll be back right after this.
10:17Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster, a show where people try to win a statue that looks like my head
10:23by sinking bowling balls, which also look like my head.
10:27Does that about sum up what we're doing, Tom?
10:29Pretty much. Our contestants are trying to sink a bowling ball without getting wet
10:32as fast as possible, only it's one of those bowling balls that float.
10:35Sorry about that.
10:38I've got two more contestants.
10:39One loves pretending to be a woman.
10:41The other would be in prison if she was a man.
10:43Here's Jimmy and Julia.
10:52Damn it!
10:53Knew it would float!
10:54Knew it would float!
10:57And that's why this is here.
10:58Launching a vessel, sir.
11:00I haven't done this since the late 70s.
11:02Stupid Tom and his stupid tasks with his stupid things.
11:06We're going in!
11:08I'm not mucking around, babe.
11:09Is there any eels in here?
11:11We are going in!
11:16Yes!
11:17Going with one oar.
11:19Been working out the arms, Tom.
11:20Don't want to brag.
11:21Fastest wins!
11:26Ah!
11:27I am the fastest!
11:29Okay, still not wet.
11:31Come here, bowling ball.
11:35Here we go.
11:37Now.
11:38Put this under here like this and there you go, sunk it.
11:49Is your hand getting wet there?
11:51Not wet by the very definition of it.
11:55How would you define it?
11:56Um, soaking.
11:58It's quite warm, the water, actually.
12:00It's not bad.
12:01How do you know that?
12:02Well, because it's on my knees.
12:04Oh.
12:04It hasn't gone to the ground, so it hasn't sunk to the bottom by its very nature.
12:09But it is in a type of sink.
12:11Okay.
12:12Did you touch it with your hand as well?
12:13No.
12:14I row, row, row.
12:19That's probably my worst yet, is it?
12:21I couldn't tell you.
12:22That doesn't count.
12:22It's getting wet.
12:24Doesn't it?
12:24Well, define wet.
12:26Covered or saturated with water or another liquid.
12:28Okay, yeah, I'm done with it now.
12:31Now, I'm going to grab onto some verdant grass and bring myself into the shoreline.
12:42Is there a reason we asked none of them to get into the water because that lake looked
12:46a bit disgusting?
12:47It was full of, was it Ebola it was full of?
12:49E-cola.
12:50E-bola!
12:52I knew it had something tricky.
12:54That would be crazy if it was only now we told you that the lake had Ebola.
12:59It would have made the challenge a lot harder.
13:02You seem like you're disqualifying yourself there, Jimmy.
13:04No, no, no.
13:05I think I defined wet at the end and it pretty much said submerged in water.
13:10Okay, well you were wet on the front of your, front of your legs.
13:13That was from like, from my mate over here.
13:16He was there before me.
13:17Oh, so he did the time.
13:18He missed himself.
13:18He's admitted, he admitted that now.
13:20Oh, I'm happy to admit it if I get five points.
13:23I think I'm going to accept that everyone got a little bit wet,
13:26so I'm going to just put that aside because I think the spirit of the rule
13:28was that you couldn't jump out with the bowling ball and completely submerge it
13:32while getting into the lake.
13:33Oh, otherwise we definitely would have done that.
13:37What are the times so far?
13:38So Julia sank the ball in eight minutes and 14 seconds.
13:42Wow!
13:44Jimmy sank the ball in two minutes and four seconds.
13:49Okay, who's throwing some pins across the lake next?
13:52Her surname means small mountain in Japanese,
13:55but she's got a big mountain to climb here.
13:56It's Nina Oyama.
13:58Wait, what's the point of the task?
14:00Sorry.
14:01Fastest.
14:02Okay.
14:02I meant there's a boat here.
14:04There is a boat there.
14:05Oh my God.
14:06Okay.
14:06Is this how you...
14:07What?
14:09I can't believe this works.
14:14Hey!
14:17Did I?
14:18I did it.
14:21It's like you can use the boat.
14:24The catch with this boat is that you have to get it back.
14:28Oh my God.
14:29What a time.
14:34I need a lie down.
14:36You done?
14:36I think so.
14:37I'll just double check the brief again.
14:40Yeah, sync the...
14:41Yeah.
14:42Yeah, I'll just do it.
14:42You just go.
14:43Okay.
14:44What are you still filming?
14:46Oh!
14:50Forgot my...
14:53Hi.
14:53Here we go.
15:08Very early on in this series, you made a bet with Tom Cashman that you were going to win the
15:12whole thing.
15:12How do you think that bet's looking now?
15:15I mean, it's episode four, but yeah, pretty badly actually.
15:21I really regret that.
15:22So what happened after we finished filming is we left the bowling ball in the lake.
15:26So Nina's attempt is still ongoing.
15:30Her time currently stands at 78 days, 9 hours and 23 minutes.
15:40Okay, can we have all the scores?
15:42All right, then one point for Nina, two for Danielle, three for Luke, four for Julia,
15:46and the winner of the task with five points is Jimmy!
15:51And what has that done to our episode scoreboard?
15:54The winner so far is Julia with nine points.
15:59Okay, Tom Cashman, I have a hunger that can only be associated with more tasks.
16:05Fine. I hope you're a breakfast at night kind of guy.
16:21Tom, are you in there?
16:23Yep. Can you see me if I do this?
16:27Yeah.
16:28Hello, Tom.
16:30Hi, Danielle.
16:31Is he testing one too?
16:32Oh, sorry.
16:33That's a good look for you.
16:36Do you think?
16:36Yeah, you're doing something useful.
16:38Did you know that the sound man would easily be the sexiest man alive?
16:43Do you want to know why?
16:44Why?
16:44Man that listens.
16:45Oh.
16:46It's a joke for the ladies.
16:48Snap something and crackle something and pop something.
16:52Your first snap, crackle and pop counts.
16:56Most satisfying snap, crackle and pop wins.
16:58You have 20 minutes.
17:00So crackle.
17:01So crackle, I obviously want to set something alight.
17:03What's that last line?
17:04Oh my god.
17:06Honestly, it's like I've got a personal block.
17:08But your time starts now.
17:11Okay.
17:15So pretty straightforward.
17:17We're looking for satisfying snaps, crackles and pops.
17:21And your first snap, crackle and pop count.
17:23All right, spare me up.
17:24Who's first?
17:25I don't know if he's good at the game snap, but he sure is a card.
17:28It's Luke McGregor.
17:30Okay, snap.
17:31I'll be back.
17:31I'll be back with something to snap.
17:35One of these didn't make a very loud snap.
17:37But I'm pretty certain if I snap a whole bunch, it'll make one loud big snap.
17:45Okay.
17:59That was not worth it.
18:01Crackle.
18:05I feel like that's going to be pretty loud.
18:06What would be a good pop?
18:08I can write a pop song.
18:09Tom Gleeson was a redhead.
18:13But then he lost all his hair.
18:19But I've still got mine.
18:24I'm just worried that's my future.
18:29So I'm using a lot of products to try and avoid that happening.
18:35Then like roll it down the keyboard, like just sort of.
18:40You kind of wrecked it at the end there.
18:43Sorry.
18:43Thanks Luke.
18:45See you on tour.
18:46Sorry Tom.
18:47Sorry about that song.
18:49I think you look better without him personally.
18:51I think it looks good.
18:52I don't.
18:58Luke, it was a great pop song.
18:59I really liked it.
19:00Would you like to sing it to my face?
19:01No.
19:03Are you sure?
19:04I forgot that I did that.
19:06I think you've forgotten that about a lot of your tasks.
19:08Yeah.
19:09Was that a crackle or more of a crunch or a bang?
19:12And I thought if I just put the microphone in with the rice, rice.
19:16A generic rice.
19:17Generic rice.
19:19They would make a crackling sound.
19:21Would you like to know the definition of crackle?
19:22Yep.
19:23A rapid succession of short, sharp noises.
19:25Oh it did that?
19:26It did that?
19:26I think it did no succession.
19:28It was just a thud.
19:30All right.
19:31Tom, I've been meaning to say you look great holding the boom mic.
19:34I'm just happy you have something to fall back on.
19:36This whole thing doesn't work out.
19:38I'm just happy I'll always have a job working with you.
19:41Okay.
19:42I need a few minutes to deliver some bad news.
19:45See you soon for some snaps, crackles and pops and hopefully no tears.
19:59Welcome back to Taskmaster.
20:01Who will walk away with something someone else found on a walk?
20:06We're trying to find out by making breakfast noises.
20:10That's right.
20:10Our contestants are trying to make a satisfying snap, crackle and pop.
20:14And the first snap, crackle and pop counts.
20:16So they have to do it very carefully.
20:17Who have we got next?
20:19Whether or not she can crackle, she sure is a crack up.
20:21It's Danielle Walker.
20:23Most satisfying.
20:24It would be satisfying to shoot a gun.
20:27You're asking me to get you a gun.
20:28There's an eggshell in the bin.
20:30I can crackle that.
20:31This is the obvious choice.
20:33And you know I've been wanting to use this every day.
20:37I'm going to do crackle first.
20:45Okay, I've got three minutes or something.
20:47Two minutes and 42 seconds.
20:48Oh.
20:52One minute and five seconds.
20:53Oh gosh, I'm not going to get this done am I?
20:55That's my snap.
20:5922 seconds.
21:0022 seconds, 22 seconds, 22 seconds, 22 seconds, 22 seconds.
21:02How long now?
21:0315 seconds.
21:11Thank you for that, Tom.
21:13Another day of living my dream.
21:19What did you use to make that crackle noise?
21:21An egg I found in the bin.
21:23Just the shell.
21:25It was a very satisfying sound.
21:27Yeah, it felt, did you see my face?
21:30Were you going to take an axe to that?
21:32Yeah, but they kept banning me from using the axe.
21:36Danielle's plan was to use the axe to pop the exercise ball.
21:41Yeah, because you'd suspect it would whack, wouldn't you?
21:46Okay, who's next?
21:47Whether or not she can pop, she lives in a bubble.
21:49It's Julia Morris.
21:51Snap something, crackle something, pop something.
21:55Want that?
21:55Is that a pop?
21:57Tick the pop.
21:58Okay, so I feel like we've got our howberry.
22:00Oh my god.
22:01There's your snap.
22:02But are you ready for your crackle?
22:04Out of the way that you just did that straight away made me feel like you've done that before.
22:33No, but I love that stick lighter
22:35because you can light things from a distance.
22:37Should we worry about you in the summer months?
22:40No.
22:41You'll never find me.
22:42I'm all in battle fatigue.
22:44I've got to tell you about flamethrowers, Julia.
22:47Oh, yes.
22:49Methane.
22:51Can I swap spots?
22:52Can I check that man?
22:54I must say, the snap was great.
22:56Do you snap at home?
22:56Not anymore, sir, because I'm no longer married.
22:58Oh, OK.
23:00Oh, so your marriage snapped.
23:02Ha-ha.
23:08Yeah, so it was a great snap,
23:10but I thought the pop was a bit shit.
23:11You just kind of threw that one away.
23:12I just wanted to get out of there.
23:13I wanted to go home early.
23:14OK.
23:15Keep the snaps.
23:16Crackles, et cetera, coming.
23:17I don't know if he can snap, crackle and pop,
23:19but he sure can yap, cackle and prop.
23:22It's Jimmy Rees.
23:24I'm thinking maybe I could snap a frame
23:27with the taskmaster in it or something.
23:29Whoa.
23:29I think I'm going to...
23:32Like, if I could have done it that way,
23:33but I think sitting on his face
23:35might be a bit more satisfying.
23:40Here we go.
23:41This is the crackle sound.
23:43Ready?
23:52Pop.
23:52Uh-oh.
23:53A sudden, short, explosive sound.
23:56Let's try and put a balloon inside a balloon
23:58and have a double pop.
24:22I've double-walled it.
24:29Count me down!
24:3017, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12.
24:49I'm feeling satisfied.
24:50Talk me through the double balloon.
24:52I just thought if I kept blowing it up,
24:53it would be harder with two.
24:55You said that sitting on my face would be more satisfying.
24:58It was a great snap,
24:59but it's not supposed to be satisfying for you.
25:01It's supposed to be satisfying for the listener.
25:03If I did it the other way around,
25:04I would...
25:05Your feet would be going up my arse,
25:07which I feel like is what's happening all the time
25:10on this show.
25:11Okay.
25:13All right, who's up?
25:14What's been impressive about all these attempts so far
25:17is the sounds they get on their first attempt,
25:19as per the rules.
25:20Just thought I'd bring that up for no reason.
25:22Anyway, we have one more contestant,
25:24Nina Oyama.
25:27I think, like, snapping a twig will be a good vibe.
25:31It's really helpful to read the envelope.
25:35Okay, ready?
25:38Oh, that sucked.
25:40Oh, that was...
25:41Can I do a second snap?
25:44All the information you need is in the task.
25:47Okay.
25:47I'm going for another twig.
25:49I'm going for another...
25:49I'm going to get a lot of twigs.
25:51Hang on, let me do this one again.
25:59Oh, that's a snap.
26:02Oh, snap.
26:03Oh, that has, like, a crackly kind of sound.
26:06Okay, are you ready?
26:09You know what?
26:10I'm just going to shell this.
26:11This is, like, part of the B squad of sounds.
26:14This is crackle time.
26:14Ready?
26:19Now, that's a crackle.
26:21That is...
26:22Can I do that?
26:24It's just not very satisfying.
26:26It's like a weak dog pop.
26:27Like, it's not good enough.
26:30Okay, what about this?
26:34Oh!
26:35I mean...
26:36I'm going to do it again.
26:41Yeah, that's a grade-A pop.
26:44Beautiful.
26:45Okay.
26:46Thanks, David.
26:49Thanks, David.
26:54I love you.
26:56You carried the task around with you the whole time.
27:00You did, and at one point, you literally said,
27:02it's really helpful to read the envelope.
27:05You've just got to trust me.
27:06Like, the ones that I got to were, like, really, really good.
27:09Like, they were, like, so good.
27:12I mean, you were there.
27:14Like, how good were they?
27:15They were so good.
27:18But I get to have the first one?
27:20Yeah, they count.
27:20Oh, cool.
27:21The ones you said were shit.
27:25Okay, well, it's pretty clear the scoring for me.
27:27I think Luke's on one.
27:28Oh.
27:29Despite not having second attempts that didn't count, like Nina did.
27:32Nina, you're on two.
27:33I really like Julia's snap, but the pot was thrown away.
27:36So you're on three points.
27:38Danielle got a really good reaction from the crowd,
27:40but Jimmy got the best with five.
27:42Very satisfying sound from Jimmy.
27:44Now here's something to delight all five of the censors,
27:47some bold and beautiful advertising.
27:50We'll be back after the break.
28:03Welcome back to Taskmaster.
28:05Only one comedian will get to take home a single pork roll
28:09to keep forever.
28:10Who will it be?
28:12What's going on, Tom Cashman?
28:14Oh, not much.
28:15Just about to introduce a task.
28:17Here's one for the Spreadheads.
28:32Hello, Tom.
28:33Hi, Luke.
28:34Oh.
28:36Oh, what is that?
28:39Is this Vegemite?
28:40It's generic yeast spread.
28:42Sorry.
28:43That sounds so much worse.
28:53Have the task isn't to open the jar.
28:56Thoroughly spread this generic yeast spread
28:59on the best thing.
29:02You have 12 minutes.
29:05Your time starts now.
29:08I mean...
29:11So not much to this one.
29:14Our contestants need to choose the best thing.
29:16The retreat contains many things.
29:18Thousands of things.
29:1918,000 things in total.
29:20Would you like to know what some of them are?
29:21Play one of the clips, I reckon.
29:24Right away.
29:25It's Nina and Danielle.
29:27If he's the judge...
29:31Well...
29:31Tom Clayson it is.
29:32I mean, I was going to put it on you,
29:34but I figured you wouldn't like them.
29:36I do hope somebody else doesn't.
29:37I think I'm going to go with this world map.
29:40Maybe if the whole world was covered
29:42in a generic yeast spread,
29:44we'd all have one problem
29:46that we could unite against.
29:47Like an independence day.
29:49Yeah.
29:49The threat of genetic yeast spread.
29:52Generic yeast.
29:54Generic yeast!
29:55Calm down please.
29:56A big smile for him.
29:58He's very happy about the fact he's the best thing.
30:00I just need to throw a suit on him.
30:03The rotation stops working
30:04once you cover it in generic meat spread.
30:08Yeast.
30:08Yeah, same thing.
30:10See the likeness there?
30:12Yeah.
30:14Ta-da!
30:16He's thoroughly spread on that.
30:19Uh-oh.
30:27Completely clean the generic yeast spread
30:29off your best thing.
30:31Fastest wind.
30:31Time starts now.
30:32Okay, kitchen.
30:35I thought the paper would really smear,
30:37but it's actually quite durable.
30:39Okay, great, great, great.
30:40And that's done, right?
30:43Beautiful, look at that.
30:45Oh, this is actually pretty funny.
30:47Oh, I'm going to fully throw up.
30:49This looks so foul.
30:51It's making me feel ill.
30:53Mm.
30:55Are you okay?
30:57It's just the worst thing
30:59I've ever seen in my life.
31:00I don't think I was the worst.
31:02The best?
31:03Only time I'll tell.
31:05It's like Moses in the reeds.
31:08And that's cleaned.
31:10That's completely clean?
31:11Yeah.
31:11Smashed it.
31:12How do you think it went
31:13compared to the other tasks
31:15at this lake?
31:15Oh, bad.
31:16I think I'm, like, a lake guy,
31:18so it's...
31:18Yeah.
31:19Yeah.
31:22Okay, bye!
31:31Yeah, did you see the bowling ball
31:32still floating there?
31:34But, hey, at least you know
31:35where all that E. coli came from.
31:38So, Danielle, Nina,
31:40how did you feel about
31:41my little double task for you there?
31:42Well, mine,
31:43it came off pretty fast.
31:45I was pretty chuffed with it,
31:46to be honest.
31:47I feel good about it.
31:48What about you, Nina?
31:49Having to see it all come off
31:50in the bathtub,
31:52it looked like someone
31:53had had diarrhoea in the bath.
31:55Like, I cannot stress enough
31:56how much it looked like actual shit
31:59and of, like, various sites,
32:00like, some of their big logs.
32:01Stop describing it!
32:03It's really hard to clean
32:04non-specified genetic...
32:06Oh!
32:08Generic yeast in...
32:10Spread.
32:12What do you hear the word yeast?
32:14So, how'd they do?
32:16All right, so,
32:16Nina cleaned planet Earth
32:17in 11 minutes
32:18and 8 seconds.
32:20Better than all those companies
32:21out there!
32:22Hey!
32:25I would hate
32:26to be a corporation right now.
32:29Danielle cleaned Tom Gleeson
32:31in a brisk
32:322 minutes and 21 seconds.
32:37More spreading, please, Tom.
32:39Forget Vegemite toast
32:40for breakfast.
32:40This guy is really salty
32:42in the mornings.
32:43It's Luke McGregor.
32:45I kind of want to stick my arm
32:46in it to see how it feels.
32:48I've got to do it for science.
32:49I've never had a jar
32:50this big before.
32:51Mmm.
32:55How's it feel?
32:57It doesn't feel good.
33:04I've got an idea.
33:09All right,
33:09close your eyes for a second.
33:10Okay.
33:11Okay.
33:12Open your eyes.
33:14Guess which one
33:14is my real hand.
33:18Tom?
33:19Guess which one's my real hand.
33:23My right?
33:24Your left.
33:25Yeah.
33:25You hear us.
33:26Do you want to try it?
33:33Close your eyes.
33:33Close your eyes?
33:34Yep.
33:35Open your eyes.
33:38Oh, they're so similar.
33:40Your left.
33:42Ah!
33:45You actually got me.
33:46How much time we got left?
33:4743 seconds.
33:48Oh, okay.
33:49Now, you know that scene in Predator?
33:50Get a big old globule.
33:52Mm-hmm.
33:53Dylan, you son of a bitch.
33:56That actually wasn't that bad.
33:57Oh!
33:59All right.
34:00Oh, no!
34:01Don't be clean it off.
34:03Don't be clean it off.
34:04Completely clean the generic use for it
34:06after your best seeing fastest wins.
34:09Okay, with what?
34:11This is not working.
34:12Doesn't really come off, does it?
34:13No.
34:14Oh.
34:15Go back out there for a second.
34:17All right.
34:17One more game.
34:18You might have to squint for this one, like, blur your eyes a little.
34:21You squinting?
34:21I'm really squinting.
34:23Don't you?
34:23Your hand is on the left.
34:26My left.
34:27Yes.
34:28I don't know if you squint.
34:29I don't think you squinted.
34:30I was squinting.
34:31This is clean?
34:33Yeah, that's how it was before.
34:35I had a bathroom accident.
34:36That was before the game.
34:38So, yeah.
34:38So, that's human feces?
34:40That's human feces, yeah, yeah.
34:41That's your?
34:41I'd be free if you don't make a big deal of it,
34:43because I'm already embarrassed by it.
34:45And you're comfortable with that just being there?
34:46I'll wash it up separately to the task.
34:48I just don't want to waste time getting penalised
34:50for what was clearly just an accident in the toilet.
34:59So, at the beginning of the show,
35:01you were prepared to say that you wet yourself
35:03to avoid saying that you got splashed,
35:05and now you're prepared to say that you had...
35:07like a poo all over my forearm.
35:09Yeah.
35:09It was just unfortunate.
35:10On the same day we were dealing with Vegemite,
35:11I happened to get poo all over my arm.
35:14The luck.
35:15You know what I was really excited about?
35:17You created a task within the task.
35:19Yeah, I kind of forgot what the task was halfway through.
35:22I could tell, but I don't care,
35:23because you created entertainment.
35:24You created a whole other task,
35:26and that was, guess which hand is mine?
35:30It was very entertaining.
35:33It was great viewing.
35:34Yeah, Tom and I are going to take it on the road next year.
35:37You know what the best thing is?
35:38You invented a task within the task,
35:40and then you lost at that task.
35:44I feel like it might have affected the result.
35:47How did he do?
35:47Well, if we accept that the rest of that stuff on his arm
35:51was faeces,
35:52his time was 7 minutes and 33 seconds.
35:55OK, still quite a while there.
35:57Enough spreading spread, the time being.
35:59It's now time to spread 40-ish minutes of content
36:02out over an hour by going to another ad break.
36:05And we'll see you soon with more Taskmaster.
36:07APPLAUSE
36:16Look, I know you're watching it now,
36:17but how about watching more later?
36:18Catch every moment of triumph
36:20and utter humiliation of Taskmaster Australia
36:22with full episodes at 10play.com.au
36:25or the 10play...
36:31Welcome back to Taskmaster,
36:34a chair Luke McGregor found in the bushes
36:36is still up for grabs.
36:37Who do you think is going to win, Tom Cashman?
36:39I am hesitant to speculate,
36:41but our contestants are spreading yeast spread
36:43on their best thing
36:44and then attempting to completely clean it off.
36:47Anyone left?
36:48I hope you like National Youth Radio Broadcasters
36:50because we're about to tune in to the Jays.
36:52It's Jimmy and Julia.
36:54I'm pretty sure I have said to you, Tom,
36:56that you are the best thing about this show.
36:58Oh, OK.
36:59Better than...
37:01Right.
37:02Voldemort.
37:02Do you mind just laying down on this table?
37:05OK.
37:07All right.
37:08You want it.
37:09You got it.
37:11It's like a day spa.
37:12Give you a little head massage.
37:13Oh, that's quite nice.
37:14That's quite nice.
37:15And this is like the oil.
37:17People don't always treat you
37:18like you're the best thing,
37:19don't you reckon?
37:21So this is self-love, is it?
37:22Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:25Oh, there we go.
37:26Look at that.
37:30It's quite dense.
37:32Some people eat it this way, you know?
37:35Listen to this.
37:38Some websites love that.
37:39OK.
37:45You're very drunk.
37:46I don't want to touch your...
37:48You know, your...
37:49Oh, right.
37:49That's appreciated.
37:50Do you mind if I just drop a bit on there?
37:52I'll just put a little...
37:53There we go.
37:53Just a little bit on there.
37:55That's nice.
37:56I just thought,
37:57if anyone was feeling a little bit hungry...
37:59Woo!
38:02Oh!
38:03This is the next task.
38:07You are a cheeky piece, Tom.
38:09I hope the next task is a shower.
38:12High five.
38:13High five.
38:14Oh, dear.
38:16Thanks, mate.
38:20OK, stand by.
38:21OK.
38:21All right, honey bear.
38:23OK, so we're going to get that off.
38:24OK.
38:24Just be careful.
38:25We don't want to get it anywhere, OK?
38:27It's quite thoroughly on here, isn't it?
38:31Are you clean?
38:32Well, you be the judge.
38:34I'm going to have to trust you to some degree.
38:36There we go, Jimmy.
38:37Thanks, mate.
38:38OK.
38:39I'll just pop off to the dry cleaners.
38:47Wow, I don't think the show's going to get much hornier than that.
38:51There was a lot going on there.
38:54Like, why I would take my clothes off on television.
38:57Honestly, that's going to tell you how bad my mental health is.
39:01Can you explain putting the bread on your leg?
39:03I don't think that was part of...
39:05Because you had to cover something.
39:06I don't even know where the bread came from.
39:09I remember none of that.
39:10You asked me to get it for you from the kitchen.
39:12Did I?
39:14High-level trauma.
39:15So you lose a lot of stuff.
39:17OK, so, Jimmy...
39:18Mm-hmm.
39:19I think we got it back from the dry cleaner, didn't we?
39:21Mm-hmm.
39:21OK, let's have a look.
39:22Look at that!
39:23Look at how clean that is!
39:24Oh!
39:27Why don't you have a look at it, Jimmy?
39:28Just see if it's up to your standards.
39:30Yeah, it's...
39:34It smells clean.
39:35What does it smell like?
39:36It smells like...
39:40I think it smells like Luke's arm.
39:43I feel like that might affect the results.
39:45Well, hang on.
39:46It was on a smell test, though, was it?
39:47Did everyone smell Danielle's picture of you?
39:50Did you smell Luke's arm?
39:52Because that obviously would have stunk.
40:01I'm just saying.
40:03Julia, are you setting me a task within the task?
40:07Would you like to know the time?
40:08Yeah, how'd they go?
40:09So Julia had a shower and dried herself
40:11and came back in six minutes, 32 seconds.
40:15OK.
40:17My suit was returned from the dry cleaners
40:20four days, 16 hours and 27 minutes.
40:23Pretty good, though.
40:24It's pretty clean.
40:25So obviously Jimmy is on one.
40:26We have Nina on two, Luke on three, Julia on four
40:29and the winner of the task is Danielle with five points.
40:35And how has that task spread our cast across the overall scores?
40:39The current winner is Julia with 16 points.
40:45OK, that's all very well and good, but it's far from over.
40:49You lot, up on the stage for the live task.
40:56Tonight's live task will be performed in teams.
40:59Luke, could you please read the task?
41:01In your teams, recreate famous scenes from history
41:05for the taskmaster.
41:07Once the taskmaster has correctly guessed your famous scene,
41:10you may recreate another.
41:11You may only speak in four-letter words.
41:13Most scenes correctly guessed in 150 seconds wins.
41:17Correct.
41:17The team of two will be going first.
41:19Never going to be ready.
41:21Oh, oh, oh, oh.
41:23Grass.
41:25Grass has five letters.
41:28OK, here you go.
41:29OK.
41:38JFK assassination.
41:39Correct.
41:40Oh, gosh.
41:43Iron.
41:45Head.
41:47Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
42:00I have...
42:01Bugs.
42:03Bugs.
42:04Bugs.
42:04Hap-nu-y...
42:07Yeah.
42:08Bugs!
42:09Yeah!
42:11Hap-nu-y...
42:13Yeah.
42:13Oh, that's...
42:14Are you doing a y...
42:15Y2K?
42:16Oh, correct.
42:17You're a genius.
42:21Please move to the chair.
42:22Oh, God.
42:23The other team.
42:33Rats!
42:33Sick!
42:34Rats!
42:34Sick!
42:35Sick from me!
42:38Rats!
42:39Oh, uh, black disc.
42:40Correct?
42:41Yes!
42:41Yes!
42:43Uh...
42:43Um...
42:44Uh...
42:45Um...
42:46Um...
42:47Fire!
42:47Lava!
42:50Fire!
42:51It's freezing for...
42:52Mama!
42:54Mama!
42:55Pompeii.
42:56Correct.
42:57Okay.
42:58Whoa!
42:59Whoa!
42:59Whoa!
43:00Whoa!
43:00Whoa!
43:01Whoa!
43:01Whoa!
43:03Follow the Berlin Wall.
43:04Correct.
43:04Very good.
43:05Oh!
43:06Bam!
43:07Bam!
43:08Bam!
43:09Bam!
43:10Oh!
43:10Oh!
43:10Oh!
43:12Bam!
43:14Bam!
43:15Bam!
43:15Bam!
43:16Bam!
43:16Bam!
43:16Bam!
43:17Same!
43:18Same!
43:18Same!
43:18Nine!
43:19Two!
43:21Oh!
43:21Mm-mm-mm!
43:22Song!
43:23Oh!
43:23Dolly...
43:23Dolly Parton?
43:24No!
43:25Oh!
43:26Oh!
43:26Dolly the Sheep!
43:27Dolly the Sheep!
43:27Correct.
43:29Cash!
43:29Cash!
43:30Cash!
43:30Cash!
43:30Cash!
43:32Ah!
43:33No cash!
43:33No cash!
43:34No cash!
43:34No cash!
43:35GFC Crash!
43:36Correct.
43:36He got it!
43:39Thanks for that.
43:40It was not only competitive, but extremely educational.
43:43We'll be back after the break to see who wins!
43:58Welcome back to Taskmaster.
43:59Tom Cashman, some stats and figures from our live task please.
44:02Well, our team of two got three of the scenes correct.
44:07However, they said the word grass as the very first word of one of them.
44:12But only one S.
44:14I was using the umlaut above the A to give it its gravitas.
44:18Grass.
44:19Grass.
44:20You convinced me.
44:21I think it's fine.
44:21Okay.
44:22So they're on three.
44:23And then team two got five.
44:26Amazing.
44:27Very impressive.
44:29Alright.
44:29Alright, this means we have a winner, but let's hold you in suspense one moment longer.
44:33What is our series scoreboard looking like, Tom?
44:36Our current season winner so far, Danielle with 66 points.
44:39Woo!
44:43Woo!
44:45Tonight's episode ends with Jimmy and Julia with 19 points.
44:49We've got another tiebreaker.
44:50Woo!
44:52Woo!
44:52Alright.
44:53What's the tiebreak?
44:55We'll be watching Jimmy and Julia attempt to honk a car horn the quietest.
45:03Just quiet, making it quiet.
45:05Where does the honk come from?
45:06I'm assuming this is the horn we're talking about, babes.
45:0935 seconds.
45:10Don't, why are you putting it under there for?
45:1224 seconds.
45:14Put your thing.
45:19Thanks, Jimmy.
45:20Can I just say, in my own life, that's what would have happened.
45:28Who had the quietest horn?
45:29By five decibels, Jimmy Rees had the quietest horn.
45:37Five things found on five walks in various urban, suburban and semi-rural areas of Eastern
45:42Australia are yours to enjoy.
45:45Woo!
45:48Tonight we learnt that bowling balls can be annoyingly buoyant.
45:52And we also learnt that Tom Cashman better hope this show gets another season as he makes
45:56a terrible sound operator.
45:58Most importantly, however, we learnt our episode four winner is Jimmy!
46:03We'll see you next week with more Taskmaster!
46:22Out of the way!
46:23Is my butt wet?
46:24So when you read the task, what's actually going on inside your head?
46:30That genuinely broke my brain!
46:34That's too far.
46:35I can feel it.
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