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TVTranscript
00:06This season on Drag House Rules, tempers flare, passions ignite, hearts break, and medical
00:14emergencies occur.
00:16As seven queens fight for their chance at a prize package worth $100,000, each episode
00:24the queens will vote to eliminate one of their own, until only one queen remains.
00:30Buckle up for a killer season of the most explosive show on television.
00:36I'm your host Claymore Jones and this is Drag House Rules.
00:41Cut.
00:42Can we do that again?
00:44Again?
00:44Yeah, I just think it should be, and this is Drag House Rules.
00:49You know, this is going to be like our procedural thing every episode, so I really want to nail
00:53it.
00:54Anticipation fills the air as our contestants arrive one by one to their new home.
01:00Yes God honey, the queen of green is here to get lit.
01:05Oh.
01:08Yes God honey, it's your girl Miss Laganja Estranja, most known from RuPaul's Drag Race,
01:14but I prefer to be known for my charity work.
01:17What work is that?
01:19Evangelizing cannabis to the masses, duh.
01:23Hello?
01:27Hello?
01:28First girl in the house.
01:30Uh, it's a little small,
01:32but I'm excited to see what it brings.
01:35Maboo!
01:36Hi!
01:38I'm Anil Luzon from Drag Race, Season 3,
01:41All Stars 1, All Stars 4, and Drag Dead.
01:44Salama pose.
01:46I thought my reality TV days were far behind me,
01:49but let me tell you,
01:51it's incredible what TV can do for your sex life.
01:54You can be on Survivor, The Bachelorette,
01:57you can be even a focus on an episode of Hoarders.
02:00Dudes just love to boink a bitch on TV.
02:03You're welcome, bitches.
02:05Yes!
02:07Oh, hey, girls!
02:08Hey, sis!
02:10It's so good to see a familiar face.
02:12Mwah!
02:13Likewise.
02:14And what a beautiful face.
02:17If brains were dynamite,
02:18she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose.
02:21Is that yours?
02:23Yeah, yeah.
02:23The hospitality here is questionable.
02:27Yeah.
02:28Very close.
02:35Who's jonesing for a mustache ride?
02:38Hey, y'all.
02:39It's me, Bitch Puddin',
02:40winner of Dragulous, Season 2.
02:41And I walk in, and I don't know any of these bitches.
02:44Oh, hey, girls!
02:46Hi!
02:47Who is that?
02:48No idea.
02:49If I know anything,
02:51it's that I know how to make friends.
02:59This house is nice.
03:00It has a lot more budget, I feel,
03:01than the last reality show I was on.
03:03Yeah, it is a house.
03:06With budget.
03:12Oh, here comes another one.
03:21Hey, girls!
03:27Hello!
03:28Hello, I'm Jujubee from RuPaul's Drag Race Season 2,
03:31RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars Season 1 and Season 5,
03:35and RuPaul's Drag Race UK Versus The World Season 1,
03:38and...
03:39No one has spent more time on the D-list than Jujubee.
03:42Herstory books have been written about this icon.
03:45The games have begun, and I have one thing on my mind,
03:48and it's how much I want to go home.
03:49I can't wait to get in that hot tub.
03:52I know!
03:54Am I looking forward to this competition?
03:57No.
03:59We can't use that.
04:00Maybe just something where you seem like you,
04:02I don't know, want to be here, Manila?
04:05I can't wait!
04:07Sorry.
04:08This season's gonna be fantastic!
04:10There's gonna be twists and turns!
04:12I can't wait to see what's cooking at the drag house,
04:14and what's the house without a little drama!
04:18How's that?
04:20Is someone doing laundry?
04:25I don't wash my shit.
04:27Well, that door's gonna have to be fixed.
04:32Hashtag rebranding!
04:34Hashtag dominate us to Mars!
04:38You girls are looking swell!
04:40Hi, I'm Tani Brown with an IE from RuPaul's Drag Race Season 1,
04:44and then RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars Season 1.
04:47The Stolen Season, as they like to call it.
04:50Bow wow wow, yippie-yay, yippie-ay, Snoop Dogg.
04:53I have worked as a scab at a grocery store,
04:55and while I was doing that, I went and worked in the floral section.
04:58Sold some corsages.
04:59Good to see you, baby!
05:01Mwah! Mwah!
05:04Mwah!
05:04Mwah!
05:04Oh my gosh!
05:08Hi, I'm bitch!
05:09Let me get up here.
05:10Oh goodness, thank you!
05:11Good to see you!
05:12Good to see you, Juju!
05:13You look gorgeous like you belong in the top of a Christmas tree.
05:17Mwah!
05:18I'm acting.
05:18She's on another planet, but I kinda live for it.
05:21I heard she's narcoleptic.
05:23She fucks dead bodies.
05:25Necrophilic.
05:27Remember, the last girl to call me kimchi got punched.
05:31Boom!
05:32Alright, is that a threat?
05:33Hi!
05:35Bitches!
05:37It's me, Rock'em Sakura.
05:38Your anime, J-pop, K-pop, rockin', poppin', lockin', twerkin', squirtin', nipple-pinchin' girl.
05:47She is here.
05:49I am a queen who is highly, highly favored on the internet right now.
05:54Between both of my social media platforms, I would say I have 700,000 followers?
06:01Happy Halloween and flick my bean, ladies! How are we doing?
06:05Hey!
06:05Hi!
06:06And how are you doing without your phone?
06:09Oh, my God.
06:10It's like I lost a limb and I'm on a skateboard just crawling.
06:14Oh.
06:15Lexus, I really do like your socials.
06:17Oh, my God.
06:18Thank you, lady.
06:22Never trust a bitch who's wearing that much makeup.
06:24You know, I really love cultivating a community.
06:27Just like people all around the world because drag is so accessible now.
06:33Somebody help me out here.
06:35She makes money on the internet, girl.
06:37Oh.
06:38I got a website you can check out.
06:39Do you like my girl necklace?
06:45Munch, munch, crunch, crunch. Silky Ganache is here to eat the lunch.
06:50Spit.
06:51In.
06:52My.
06:53Mouth.
06:54Now.
06:54Don't brush your teeth.
06:55Spit in it.
06:56Oh!
06:58I hope you brought lunch with you, girl.
07:00Yes!
07:01Oh!
07:03Of course I brought that.
07:04I am the lunch, baby.
07:05I am Silky Nutmeg Ganache.
07:09And y'all know me from RuPaul's Drag Race, where I was robbed on season 11, robbed on All-Star
07:156, robbed at Canada vs. the World.
07:18But I've also done some fun things like Germany's Next Top Model.
07:24Yeah, I was on there with Heidi Klum.
07:27Yes, ma'am.
07:27I gotta eclipse us, honey.
07:29Eclipse.
07:29I am totally eclipsing your heartbeat.
07:31Well, I'm looking around the room and I'm saying to myself, I do have some stiff competition.
07:36But that's okay.
07:37I know how to crack their backs, if you know what I mean.
07:40I'm really good with my hands.
07:41I learned how to give massages to my grandmother at an early age.
07:45And the young men on the back of the bus.
07:47The reason I like sitting on the back of the bus is because you bounce around a lot.
07:50Well, I was thinking to myself.
07:52I'm ready to eclipse you all.
07:55Oh!
07:57This is a rough looking cast.
07:59And by rough, I do mean rough.
08:02Like the girls are not giving.
08:04Oh my goodness, I'm tired of them bringing me to these chicken dinner guests.
08:09Now I got to really win because I refuse to lose to those boogers.
08:14So, what do we think?
08:15Oh my God.
08:20Um, get up.
08:22What do they say, quiet on the set?
08:24Out of nowhere, bang, bang, bang.
08:26There's a repairman in the back.
08:28What the fuck did I sign up for?
08:30It sounds like Michelle Visage's knees in here.
08:33Not her niece.
08:35Her knees.
08:36Anyone else think there's something weird going on in this house?
08:39Like there are ghosts near?
08:41No, like foreclosures near.
08:43Okay, well, it is a little rough around the edges.
08:45What are you talking about, the smell coming from the carpet?
08:47Or are you talking about the apparent plumbing issues?
08:50Well, I'm just grateful to be here.
08:52Of course you are, girl.
08:54You come from a show that's not-
08:55Hey, it's a growing streaming platform, right?
08:56No, no, no, ladies.
08:57Come on.
08:58Let's play nice.
08:59You guys, we have a real opportunity here to, you know, foster something so unique from
09:04reality television that's never been seen before.
09:07I mean, we can finally show everyone what the real sisterhood is all about.
09:11Look, I really wanted to approach this season differently.
09:15I wanted us to have a house of love and show what the sisterhood is actually like behind
09:21the cameras.
09:22If you think that these people are not here to provoke us to fight, girl, you zooted.
09:26You know what?
09:27It's just a bunch of slick dicks behind the camera.
09:30CIA, FBI, eating dead babies.
09:34Oh.
09:35Is she okay?
09:36Yes, I'm okay.
09:37I passed that test with flying colors, and that test was a psycho-evaluation test.
09:42To be honest with you, I was nerve-wracked, but I took some of my mushroom supplements
09:46and got myself fixed up right in the right place with some of that lion's mane mushroom.
09:51It's good for the nerves, and calmed myself down with that and said, I'm going to do this
09:54the best that I can.
09:55Maybe I'll get myself one of those stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, just like that
09:59old John Waters.
10:01Filth.
10:04Laganja?
10:05Yeah.
10:06Can you answer a question for me?
10:07Sure.
10:08How did you get your eyes so nice and bright and clean?
10:11Oh, well, honey, that's easy.
10:12It's Avanova.
10:14Avanova.
10:15Yeah.
10:15Alright.
10:15Let's drink.
10:16No, no, no.
10:17You don't drink it.
10:18You just spray it.
10:20Oh.
10:21Bitch, where is it?
10:22Girl, what is wrong with her?
10:23I'm just kidding.
10:25Welcome, ladies.
10:26Let's gather around.
10:27Come on.
10:28Scary.
10:29All right.
10:30Everything set?
10:32Cameras are rolling.
10:34All right.
10:35Here we are.
10:36Here we go.
10:38And action.
10:41Hello, everyone, and welcome to Drag House Rules.
10:45I'm your host, Claymore Jones.
10:49Woo!
10:50Now, what you're about to embark on is an experience like no other.
10:55Each week, one of you will be eliminated by group vote
10:59until one queen is left standing.
11:01Now, the prize...
11:06Robert?
11:08Yeah?
11:09Can you hold the work, please?
11:11What?
11:12Hold the work, please.
11:17What was I?
11:18The prize.
11:19Oh, yes.
11:20Our grand prize, and buckle up, ladies.
11:23The prize package is valued at $100,000.
11:28Well, that's a lot of cashola.
11:30Wait, did you say prize package?
11:32So there's no cash, mama?
11:34Yeah.
11:35Yeah.
11:35What's in the prize package?
11:36All will be revealed.
11:38Huh?
11:38What do you mean?
11:39What are we even fighting for here?
11:41At least we're getting a day rate.
11:43You get a day rate?
11:44That wasn't in my contract.
11:45This twerp's barely been on TV.
11:48I'm repped by CAA, tip spot.
11:51How?
11:51Ladies, the prize will be revealed.
11:54It's all a part of the game.
11:56The prize package is valued at $100,000?
12:01Wait a minute.
12:02What does that mean?
12:03Because that's how they get you.
12:04You better not play with my time,
12:06because I will fight Claiborne,
12:07and I will fight these producers.
12:09Silky, did you get a day rate?
12:12Of course I got a day rate, girl.
12:14$100,000 could be valued at anything.
12:17It could be $100,000 of paper clips.
12:19Or Fabergé eggs.
12:21Or regular eggs.
12:22Ladies, let's just focus on the game.
12:24Who is this Yahoo?
12:26I think I recognize him from somewhere.
12:30Old McDonald's farm.
12:31Old McDonald's farm.
12:33How far?
12:34E-I-E-I-O.
12:36You're the E-O-E-O I bought.
12:38I am a celebrated fixture in Hollywood history, yes.
12:43Petey!
12:48Roll the package.
12:54A native of Southern California,
12:56Claymore Jones began his career
12:58as little Jimmy Jingles
13:00on the hit HVN Network show,
13:03Old McDonald Farms.
13:04Hey, Jimmy, where do horses go in there sick?
13:07Gee, I don't know.
13:08To the horse-a-tide!
13:11High five!
13:12Pigs at one.
13:13Horses in the stable.
13:15Time to build some hives.
13:16I'm ready and I'm able.
13:17From there, he appeared in a three-episode arc
13:20of Judge Compassion on the PECS Network.
13:24That's where you're going, loser.
13:26Hey, if being a loser means not being like you,
13:29then I'll take that as a compliment.
13:31Remember the golden rule,
13:32if you can remember anyway.
13:33Then Claymore found himself nominated
13:36for a Cable Ace Award
13:38for his performance as Augustus
13:40in Ghost Among Us.
13:42But why must you leave now?
13:44Because, Margaret,
13:45I do not belong to this world.
13:48I am but a ghost of the past.
13:50I died in the Solomon Explosion
13:52in 1926.
13:54But I have returned
13:56only to show you the way.
13:58I knew it.
14:01Goodbye, Margaret.
14:04The career of Claymore Jones
14:05is one of artistic excellence
14:08and a boundless fervor
14:09for the entertainment industry at large.
14:14Wow.
14:15What a legacy.
14:16Something.
14:17And who was the little boy?
14:19Oh.
14:20That was me.
14:22Oh.
14:23Oh, wow.
14:24I don't know what's going on.
14:26Like, why are we watching compilations
14:29back from the 90s?
14:30You know,
14:31I wasn't too familiar
14:32with Claymore, the host,
14:33as a child actor
14:34because I try to stay away
14:35from the children stuff.
14:36Hashtag not grooming,
14:37to be honest with you.
14:39The reel's a little dated.
14:41I thought I really wanted to be here,
14:42but I just really, really want to go home.
14:45You signed a contract.
14:46You can't go.
14:47Oh.
14:48So your washed up act
14:50can rise on my tired back?
14:51Okay, so it turns out
14:53Claymore was a child star.
14:54Good for him.
14:55I still want to get out.
14:57It's so weird to me
14:58that Jujubee wants to leave
14:59because she's automatically
15:00going to be guaranteed top three
15:02based on her track record
15:03and reality history.
15:04If I'm staying here,
15:05you definitely staying here too.
15:07We in this shit show together.
15:09Shit show?
15:10Look, if she wants to go,
15:12let her go.
15:13TV is a young person's game.
15:15Sweetie,
15:16I've been on television.
15:19Narratives, lines, scripts.
15:22Acting, emotion.
15:24I don't need this shit.
15:26Where did production put my suitcases?
15:28All of your luggage is in your room.
15:33Don't you want to hear
15:33about your first immunity challenge?
15:35No.
15:38Shh.
15:39That's enough from you.
15:45So Tammy, do you know how to swim?
15:47Do you know I was a lifeguard once?
15:49You were?
15:50Yes, I was.
15:51Did you ever save anybody?
15:52I saved two babies.
15:54Babies?
15:55Babies, yes.
15:55What were babies doing?
15:56They were bobbing along.
15:57Like apples?
15:58You know,
15:59I always find my conversations
16:01with Tammy to be so healing.
16:04She just really gets me.
16:06One, two, three, four.
16:07Actually, I can count to eight.
16:08Yes.
16:08You know,
16:08because I'm a choreographer.
16:10Five, six, seven, and eight.
16:11Five, six, seven, eight.
16:12What about two sets of six?
16:14Is this good enough?
16:15I believe that's 12.
16:15Sorry,
16:16I'm just making sure
16:17I'm panning on the camera
16:18because I know they are listening.
16:19Sometimes I get in trouble
16:20for just doing sightings.
16:21What cameras?
16:22Well, we're in a reality show.
16:23We are.
16:24Yes.
16:26Juju, please don't go.
16:29Please stay.
16:30For what?
16:31The exposure?
16:32No, no, no.
16:33It's supposed to be me and you
16:34at the end, my baby girl.
16:35Silky, this was a mistake, okay?
16:37No.
16:38In real life, I'm 40.
16:39In reality TV, I'm 74.
16:43I don't want to compete
16:44in drag anymore, Silky.
16:45You know what I want to do?
16:46What?
16:47I want to be home.
16:48I want to sit on my couch
16:50and eat snacks.
16:54But I do sound good.
16:58Y'all really want the real dirt.
17:00I need Juju to stay
17:01because Juju always make it
17:02to the end of a competition.
17:04So I need her to be right next to me.
17:07And she always look nice.
17:09She's never going to win.
17:12Well, they're the monsters.
17:14I mean, surely there's something
17:15better else to go film.
17:17If I had a little mechanical hand,
17:19I'd have it run around.
17:20I wish I could just pull the plug
17:22on these lights.
17:23So bright.
17:25Now that I'm getting nice
17:26and medicated, my God.
17:27I don't mind it, that brain.
17:29You like it?
17:29Mine's near the bright light
17:31that's within.
17:32Oh.
17:33Are y'all taking notes?
17:34You should be.
17:35You know what underwear
17:36we're wearing?
17:37Huh?
17:38None.
17:39Look under our skirts.
17:41Something there.
17:42Treat, treat, treat.
17:44Wiggly worm.
17:44Treat, treat, motherfucker.
17:46I'm the one-eyed monster.
17:49So Laganja and I
17:50are both from Texas.
17:52Yes, Texas.
17:53Larger-than-life state.
17:54Pretty hypocritical.
17:55And we did kill a president,
17:56so watch it.
17:59Girl, I read the contract.
18:01It's ironclad.
18:03What?
18:05Look.
18:07It says if you leave the house
18:10on your own accord,
18:10it's a breach of contract.
18:11And then you'll owe
18:13the production company
18:1450 grand.
18:15What do you mean?
18:17Girl, I was up all night
18:18reading this,
18:18and you know,
18:19unless it's about your mug,
18:20I don't like to read.
18:22They can't do that.
18:23We can, and we did.
18:25Just play the game, Jujubee.
18:29How ominous.
18:34It was at that moment
18:35that I decided to lean
18:36into this whole thing.
18:37Hell, life is about
18:39taking risks.
18:40The most brazen
18:41I ever get these days
18:42is putting a frozen pizza
18:43into the oven
18:43without preheating
18:44and guesstimating
18:45how long it's going to take
18:46to cook the pizza.
18:49Also, I don't have
18:50$50,000 to spare.
18:51I'm eating frozen pizzas.
18:53Take my bags back to my room.
18:57Huh?
18:59Go!
19:04So Jujubee asked me
19:05to take her luggage
19:06to her room,
19:07and honestly,
19:08it kind of put me off
19:10a little bit,
19:10but I'd do anything for her
19:13because I like
19:16helping the elderly.
19:19Jesus Christ.
19:22Guess we're going to have
19:23to play the game.
19:25Guess so.
19:27Okay, honestly,
19:28I didn't read the paperwork,
19:30and I'm just
19:30a live-in-the-moment
19:31kind of gal,
19:33guy,
19:33non-binary person.
19:34I just go with the flow,
19:36honestly,
19:36just the vibe.
19:37The difference between
19:38them and me
19:40is I'm getting paid
19:41regardless.
19:42If I win,
19:43that's just another
19:44$100,000,
19:44but I still get
19:46to buy
19:46another
19:48game console.
19:50Bitch.
19:51But what about this?
19:52Yes.
19:53A bear
19:53versus an alligator
19:55versus Lady Bunny.
19:57Well, I think that would be
19:58a battle royale.
19:59That's a good one.
20:00Yeah.
20:01Pick up, right?
20:01Pick up.
20:02Pick up sticks.
20:03Pick up sticks.
20:04Oh, I've got to pick up
20:05these legs, girl.
20:06Let's see.
20:07You feel okay?
20:07Oh, yeah.
20:08There we go.
20:09I know.
20:10Sometimes you've just
20:10got to stretch.
20:11Yes.
20:12Now,
20:13why is everyone
20:14so unprofessional
20:15on this set?
20:15Have you noticed that?
20:16Yes.
20:17It's chicken shit.
20:19Interrupting that
20:20Cladmore, Claymore?
20:22Why?
20:23I don't really like
20:24Claymore either.
20:25You don't?
20:26No.
20:27But you don't interrupt him.
20:28You're professional.
20:29Well, you're supposed
20:29to yell quiet on the set.
20:32And I don't understand
20:33why the toilets
20:33aren't running properly.
20:35Well, I do.
20:36Silky.
20:37Really?
20:39That's not fair.
20:43But we said it.
20:45We did?
20:45Hey, we say
20:47the best thing
20:47about being with
20:48all this unprofessional set
20:50is that us queens,
20:52we can read them.
20:53We can.
20:54It's fun, too.
20:55I do like that.
20:56You know,
20:56when I was on
20:57that other show?
20:58It was very weird.
20:59You mean RuPaul's Drag Race?
21:02We were on RuPaul's Drag Race,
21:04if you don't know that.
21:05Season one
21:06and season two
21:07All-Stars, right?
21:09You weren't on
21:09an All-Stars.
21:10No.
21:10Well, I was in a way.
21:12Lip-sync assassin.
21:13Yeah.
21:14Yeah.
21:15Ha!
21:17I'm acting.
21:25Ladies,
21:26let's gather
21:26for the first immunity challenge.
21:28Here we go, sir.
21:29This is exciting.
21:30Let the games begin.
21:31What the fuck is that?
21:32Don't get any ideas.
21:33Okay, rude.
21:34I hated that.
21:36Okay,
21:36I'm kind of getting
21:37like this weird vibe
21:38between Manila
21:41and Claymore right now,
21:42and I have no idea
21:44whether or not
21:44they want to fist
21:46each other's faces
21:47or fist each other's holes,
21:48but either way,
21:50there's fisting energy here.
21:53God, it's like he's chiseled
21:55from stone.
21:57Ladies,
21:58please meet model,
22:00recording artist,
22:01and venture capitalist,
22:03Jesse John Murno.
22:04Hi, ladies.
22:05Capitalist pig!
22:06Whoa, Tammy.
22:08No, no, it's okay.
22:09I actually prefer the term
22:10venture socialist.
22:11For me,
22:12it's all about making
22:13the world
22:13a better place.
22:15Aww.
22:16So beautiful.
22:17Now,
22:18for your first immunity challenge,
22:20each of you
22:20will be giving
22:21a timed date
22:22with Jesse.
22:23Whoever makes
22:24the best impression
22:25will be safe
22:26from elimination.
22:28We gotta date him?
22:29Now,
22:30that dude
22:30look very delicious.
22:32Don't get Big Mama wrong.
22:33But why
22:34are we fighting
22:35for him?
22:37First of all,
22:38they done walked in here,
22:39they ain't told us
22:39his credit score,
22:40if he even got a job,
22:42baby,
22:43they probably got him
22:43from Skid Row downtown.
22:45And he over there
22:46looking like
22:47Tammy Brown
22:48and Juju B
22:49had a baby.
22:50Let's get real, honey.
22:52I don't want that man.
22:53Make a bad impression,
22:54and it might be your last.
22:57Let the dating begin.
22:59If we fuck,
23:00we win.
23:01Immunity.
23:02Slay.
23:02Does that mean
23:03we have to get vaccinated?
23:04The games have begun,
23:06and I have one thing
23:07on my mind.
23:08It's how much
23:09I want to go home.
23:10Seeing that
23:11hot-ass man
23:12reminded me
23:13why I'm here.
23:14I think he's
23:15a piece of excrement.
23:17I mean,
23:17first of all,
23:18I'm sure he's
23:18fracking out there,
23:19and if I even see
23:20in his portfolio
23:23one drop
23:24of this fossil fuel,
23:26I will take him
23:26outside,
23:27and I will shoot him
23:28with rubber bullets.
23:29Tammy,
23:29we really need you
23:30to play nice,
23:32you know?
23:33You need me
23:33to play nice?
23:34Yeah, Jesse's
23:35doing us a big favor
23:36by coming on the show,
23:37and I just feel like...
23:38You feel like what?
23:38What do you feel like?
23:39I just need a soundbite
23:40I can use, Tammy.
23:41Oh, you need a soundbite
23:42you can use?
23:43Yeah.
23:44I kind of info dump
23:45at the top of dates
23:46all the time,
23:47so my goal with this one
23:48is just to come in
23:49and be unauthentically
23:50my creepy, morbid,
23:52fucking horny self.
23:54You have really good eyes.
23:56Oh, thank you.
23:57I mean, seriously,
23:58those corneas
23:59are something else.
24:01Yeah, no,
24:01I was going to say
24:02the same about you.
24:03Oh, what are you
24:04skin if I'm cold?
24:07My skin.
24:09Yes.
24:10Okay.
24:11Would you fuck me?
24:12I'd fuck me.
24:14I'd fuck me so hard.
24:16On a scale of
24:16North Korea to America,
24:18how free are you
24:19this weekend?
24:19Wow, that's
24:21quite a question.
24:22I have another one.
24:23On a scale of
24:24spread to eagle,
24:25how do you want me?
24:26Um...
24:27And the answer is yes.
24:29Okay.
24:30Yes.
24:34Wow, you...
24:35You look breathtaking.
24:37Tell me something
24:38I don't know.
24:39Personality is
24:40really up there for me.
24:43Grab a ladder, babe.
24:45I love your sense of humor.
24:47You know a date is bad.
24:49When Anna started thinking,
24:50I wonder what my mama
24:51cooked for dinner today.
24:52Get in line.
24:54The back of the line.
24:56For you any day.
24:57I bet.
24:59I'm sure.
24:59Yeah, I am sure.
25:01I'm not.
25:03I'm sorry?
25:03I'm not.
25:05What y'all really need to do
25:06is sending his daddy.
25:07Wow, you...
25:08You have such a glow about you.
25:10That's just the jaundice,
25:12actually.
25:12Oh.
25:14All right.
25:15I don't really have jaundice,
25:16but the last thing I want
25:18is to win this immunity challenge.
25:20So I'm going into this date
25:21and doing my best
25:23to lose.
25:25So do you, um,
25:25do you have any pets?
25:26Yeah.
25:27Some call them that.
25:28I call them children.
25:30Oh.
25:31I actually have, uh...
25:32I have six cats, actually.
25:34Bobo,
25:35Mr.,
25:36Pris,
25:37Binky,
25:38Poo Poo,
25:38and Kevin.
25:39Wow.
25:40You know,
25:40sometimes when the fur builds up,
25:42I build a whole mannequin
25:43of fur babies.
25:45Oh.
25:46That's...
25:46That's beautiful.
25:48Mm-hmm.
25:49So,
25:50how are you, Tammy?
25:53You doing okay?
25:54He's not one of my Bulgarian lovers.
25:56I like my men rough
25:57and I like my men tough.
25:59I don't need someone
25:59who's going to be
26:00one of these Valentino types,
26:02a little cotton puff
26:03and 19-something or another,
26:05you know,
26:05in there freshen up.
26:06I need a man to take a stand.
26:09You know,
26:09walk in children nature,
26:10hashtag not groomin'?
26:11Yeah, that's me.
26:12I don't need some pipsqueak.
26:14And you must be...
26:17a Leo.
26:19Oh, my God.
26:19Yeah.
26:20How'd you know that?
26:21Well, you give off this kindness,
26:23but there's also this ferocity
26:25inside of you.
26:26It's like...
26:27It's like you have to prove something.
26:29Where do you think that comes from?
26:31God, it's like you know me.
26:34Um...
26:35I don't know.
26:36Okay, flip it around,
26:37put it on 0.5,
26:38take a couple pictures of me.
26:39I need them for my soshis.
26:42So, get my good side.
26:44My good side.
26:45My good side.
26:46Left, left, my left.
26:47Just imagine I'm like a sexy quiche.
26:50Okay.
26:50At brunch.
26:51He looks like a millennial,
26:53but he shoots like a boomer.
26:55Honestly, if he fucks like a boomer,
26:58boom goes the dynamite.
27:01Dynamite is my asshole.
27:02Your asshole wouldn't explode.
27:05Yeah.
27:05Yeah?
27:06Yeah.
27:07You want...
27:07Do you want to see my room?
27:09Oh.
27:10Oh.
27:11Why not?
27:12What was your strategy
27:13going into the date with Jesse?
27:15Oh.
27:16I don't need a strategy.
27:18I mean, just look at me.
27:19You want to try some
27:20under the table stuff?
27:22Yeah.
27:23I got long legs.
27:25Oh, wow.
27:26Are you a cemetery?
27:27Because I'm dead inside
27:28and I want to bury myself in you.
27:32I clean them with my tongue.
27:34Because, you know,
27:35the mother cat
27:36cleans the babies
27:37with their tongues
27:38after they suckle
27:39on the breasts.
27:41With your actual tongue?
27:43You lick your cats?
27:44Yeah.
27:45It's a...
27:47Thank you for your honesty.
27:48Oh, you're welcome
27:49for my honesty.
27:52You know what?
27:53I don't even think
27:54I would date myself.
27:55You know, going into the date,
27:57I really just tried
27:58to focus on Jesse.
27:59I was always taught
28:01that the best learners listen.
28:03Because I had big ears,
28:04they all called me big ears.
28:06And I didn't realize
28:07that I would grow into them
28:09one day,
28:10but I just really felt like,
28:12is this who I am?
28:13Am I that person?
28:15Am I going to be able
28:16to grow up
28:16and feel confident in myself?
28:19And I just...
28:20It was really hard.
28:21You know?
28:22And they...
28:25Is this all the ass you kiss?
28:29Maybe we just got off
28:30on the wrong phone.
28:31I asked you,
28:31is this all the ass you kiss?
28:35Um...
28:36I'm sorry.
28:37Don't apologize,
28:38you cheap fuck.
28:38He's just a corporate,
28:39corporate piece of trash.
28:41And you know what you do
28:42with trash?
28:43You burn it.
28:44You are the sun.
28:46You're the moon.
28:47You're the galaxies.
28:49You're my universe.
28:50I've heard all of that
28:51before, baby.
28:52No, no, no, no.
28:52I'm different.
28:53I swear.
28:54Oh, I got another one.
28:55We got to get socials
28:55for my OnlyFans.
28:56Hold on.
28:57Can you get these?
28:58Oh.
28:58Yeah.
28:59Just right there.
29:00You're giving mahogany.
29:02That smell?
29:03Yeah, no, I kind of...
29:04No, I'm talking about
29:05the wood for your coffin.
29:08Do you like knocking?
29:10Do you think my ears are big?
29:13No, honey.
29:14You hesitated a little bit,
29:16so there was something there, right?
29:17They are big.
29:18Oh, no, I just was taking it all in.
29:19But they're normal size,
29:20it's just that they stick out
29:21too much, right?
29:21No, they look great.
29:23But so, these...
29:24I'm okay?
29:25You...
29:26Honey.
29:26But you find me attractive.
29:27Honey, honey, you're...
29:28Okay.
29:30Okay.
29:30We're exchanging kinks here.
29:32Got it, okay.
29:32Pits, biting, nipples,
29:34or mine, what are yours?
29:36Uh...
29:37Um...
29:38Walks on a beach,
29:40uh...
29:40whispers in my ear.
29:41What kind of chicken noodle soup
29:43for the teenage soul bitch are you?
29:47Um...
29:47Not my best date.
29:49Tell me when to stop.
29:50Tell me when to stop.
29:51Tell me when to stop.
29:52I mean, here,
29:53let me get another shot of you.
29:54Oh, of course.
29:55Yeah, that's great.
29:56Let me explain something to you.
29:58Okay.
29:59Manila, she could do jumping jacks.
30:01She's great with her mouth.
30:03Oh.
30:04Silky.
30:05Fantastic personality.
30:07She's funny.
30:09She can cook.
30:10Bitch.
30:11Whoever she is.
30:12I hear she's a fantastic lover.
30:16Laganja.
30:17She's great with, uh...
30:20Marijuana.
30:22Me?
30:23Yeah.
30:25I'm a piece of shit.
30:27Old.
30:29Dry.
30:31And my vagina's really loose.
30:34And you don't want that, do you?
30:36I gotta say,
30:37there's something so refreshing
30:38about your honesty.
30:41It's...
30:42It's...
30:43It's kind of turning me on.
30:43Yeah.
30:45Oh, fuck.
30:46This whole day,
30:47you've just been complaining about
30:48how you don't want to be here,
30:50but, like, my job as a story producer
30:52is to make it sound like
30:53there's, like, some stakes for you.
30:55So could you please give me a soundbite, like,
30:57oh, I'm so excited to be here.
30:59Okay.
31:01I am so excited to be here.
31:04It's...
31:05awesome.
31:07And I'm so happy...
31:11Let Juju B leave.
31:12I mean, I'll stay here.
31:14I'll be on more episodes of the show.
31:15I'll get laid more.
31:17Juju, if you're listening to this,
31:20in the arms of an angel,
31:23stay with me.
31:24We're already doing charity work.
31:26This is charity.
31:27You see that dude
31:28that they done brought us in today?
31:29This is definitely charity.
31:37Oh!
31:37Oh!
31:38What is that?
31:40You scared me.
31:41It's a carbocata of my therapist,
31:44Dr. Nelson Leach from Blues and Blas.
31:46Therapist sent you that?
31:48No!
31:49I had it made.
31:51Okay.
31:51Oh, God.
31:53This competition can't be good for my mental health.
31:56That's why I have you.
31:59I guess I'm just a bit frustrated.
32:02How so, sis?
32:03Girl, I'm just...
32:04I'm tired.
32:06Some of these girls get so lucky
32:08because they make it out early.
32:09They come in.
32:10They get a memorable moment.
32:12They leave.
32:13Easy.
32:14All right?
32:15Making it to the end used to be so cool,
32:17but when you've done it as many times as I have,
32:20it's just one of those...
32:33It's just one of those...
32:34It's just one of those things where it's, you know,
32:35I just...
32:36Juju, I know what it's like.
32:38I know what it's like to put your pussy down
32:41and come home crownless, you know?
32:43But the difference is, this time...
32:47Mm, mm, mm.
32:48Give me this nice girl,
32:49because, honey,
32:50we got to get it right for you, baby,
32:52because this time,
32:53it's going to be different.
32:54And it did...
32:55Oh, shit!
32:56And the difference is...
32:57Oh, pina colada.
32:59This is horrible.
33:02I'm sure it'll taste good.
33:03Oh, it always tastes good.
33:06Mm-hmm.
33:06Yeah, handy-handy-ho, handy-handy.
33:09The difference is,
33:11you only got me to worry about.
33:14That's the only thing, girl.
33:16I'm competition, though.
33:17Yeah, I know.
33:18Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:20But I've watched all 98 of your seasons.
33:23And, honey, I'd be honored
33:24if it was my ride or die.
33:26Boring!
33:28Ah!
33:29You would think that two icons
33:30would know how to fill camera time better.
33:33Wait a minute.
33:33Didn't they take our phones?
33:35They only took one phone.
33:36I have, like, five.
33:37And they're all smart.
33:39Gross.
33:40This one's for daddy.
33:42Oh, my gosh.
33:42Oh, my goodness, girl.
33:44I gotta go make some content
33:45and bleach my butthole.
33:48Ah!
33:48Later, you old crows.
33:51Crows?
33:52Crows?
33:53Baby, at least you recognize
33:54that we are two icons.
33:55Bitch, barely here.
33:58How to get on this chicken dinner show.
34:00That bitch over there, honey.
34:02Yeah.
34:03Drink up!
34:06You know, that Jesse
34:07had a lot to tell me about.
34:09What's the scoop?
34:11Well, he needs a therapist.
34:13Therapist, really?
34:14Yeah, like, all these problems
34:15with his mom
34:16or something about his big ears.
34:18I couldn't really follow.
34:20I just kind of nodded.
34:21I have a boyfriend.
34:22And he has those cauliflower ears.
34:24What?
34:25Does Jesse know?
34:27I don't care about Jesse.
34:28He should have seen me berate him.
34:30You berated him?
34:31That's all I did.
34:31Did you beat him?
34:33No.
34:34No?
34:34Just berated?
34:35Just berated.
34:36A lot of YouTube videos.
34:37Oh.
34:38Mm-hmm.
34:39The boob tube.
34:40I even got a little bit
34:41of that porn hub on him.
34:42You did?
34:43Beefcake Hunters.
34:45I'd like to see us pee-pee.
34:46Mm-hmm.
34:47I bet it's big.
34:48I don't want to see that.
34:49I'll chop that thing up.
34:50Make some fresh calamari
34:51soon in the morning.
34:55I think the CBD
34:56might be working.
34:57Well, of course it does.
34:59Yeah.
35:00You're a good one, Tammy.
35:01I know.
35:02We're both from Texas.
35:03Is that what it is?
35:04Yes.
35:04And, you know,
35:05we killed a president.
35:06Oh, well, we did.
35:07I think none of the girls
35:08respect me.
35:09And, you know,
35:09I obviously look like
35:10my favorite story's Hot Topic.
35:11I'm into pain.
35:12I'm obsessed with anime.
35:13Wait, really?
35:14Yeah.
35:15I'm with that slate.
35:16What are you watching?
35:17What are you watching?
35:18Oh, Death Note.
35:19Oh, classic.
35:20How many times?
35:21It's my 18th time.
35:23Hot.
35:24Speaking of hot,
35:27do you want to talk strategy?
35:29Strategy?
35:29What do you mean strategy?
35:30You know, for the show.
35:31The show we're here for
35:33that we're filming.
35:35No.
35:36Oh, not really.
35:38I'm struggling to take
35:39this competition seriously.
35:44Okay, I'm honestly nervous.
35:46I'm really not getting along
35:47with any of these girls.
35:49And production's getting weird
35:50with me.
35:50And I know how these things
35:51pan out.
35:52If you don't make buddy buddy,
35:53you don't have a plot line,
35:54and you go home.
35:55And I came to fucking win.
35:58I just want to make a friend.
36:00I wanted to pull you aside.
36:01I need to talk to you.
36:02Girl, what the fuck are we doing here?
36:04I know.
36:06Like, we are way too good
36:08for a show like this.
36:09I know.
36:10The only thing good about this place
36:11is, like, some of the producers
36:12are kind of hot.
36:12I know.
36:13Wait.
36:14Which one?
36:15You know, the one with the...
36:17Hey, where's the...
36:18And he's got that.
36:19Oh, I know.
36:21Oh, my God.
36:22We gotta get the fuck out of here.
36:23Oh, my God.
36:25What are you thinking?
36:27I'm just pretty.
36:29No brains?
36:30Yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:31So I've been cooking something up
36:32between, like, a lawsuit and...
36:36A lawsuit and, like, a prison break.
36:38But it's gonna take some time.
36:39Mm-hmm.
36:40So I got some lawyer friends
36:41on the outside that I'm talking to.
36:43How?
36:44They took our phones.
36:45Yeah, yeah.
36:46Rockham gave me one of her extra phones
36:47because I promised her
36:49that I was gonna repost her reels
36:51for, like, a week.
36:52Oh, that sounds like a commitment.
36:53Oh, great.
36:54I'm not gonna actually do it.
36:55Oh, that's genius.
36:58You know, I'm gonna use that phone
36:59and get you a speech therapist.
37:01Girl, take my advice, okay?
37:04Just...
37:05Be fake.
37:07Being fake is so fun.
37:08I love being fake.
37:09You want some?
37:10Rock, I just don't think you get it.
37:14There's nothing to get, hon.
37:16It's not that serious.
37:18You just gotta relax
37:20and chill.
37:22Cheers to that.
37:23Rose ceremony in 10, ladies.
37:26I...
37:26Rose ceremony?
37:28Was that a PA or a producer?
37:31Girl, I don't know,
37:32but everyone on this set
37:33looks too young
37:34and underqualified to be here.
37:35You know, I'm a sucker
37:36for a little underdog,
37:37so if a girl has absolutely
37:39zero and no chance
37:41of ever getting the crown,
37:43you better believe I'm gonna be there
37:44to catch her when she falls.
37:46I'm a bitch,
37:47but I'm a real bitch,
37:48and Rockham told me to be fake,
37:49and I just don't fuck with that shit.
37:51You know, Rock is really sweet,
37:53but she gives a lot
37:54of unsolicited advice.
37:56Sometimes she just needs to...
37:58Shh.
38:00Ladies, welcome to the rose ceremony.
38:04Jessie has five black roses
38:06and one red one.
38:07You receive a black rose,
38:09you did not win this challenge.
38:11You receive a red one,
38:13you receive immunity
38:14for this episode.
38:16Well, you're looking
38:16at your winner right here.
38:18Where?
38:18Bold of you to say that.
38:20What is this deal?
38:22Have you guys been noticing
38:24the tension between Claymore
38:26and Manila?
38:27They have kind of like this
38:28odd sexual tension.
38:31It's palpable.
38:32It's on the floor.
38:34It's dripping from the walls.
38:36Ladies,
38:37I have enjoyed
38:38every moment together,
38:40and it pains me
38:41that I have to choose only one.
38:43but societal norms
38:45constrains us,
38:46and so
38:47I have made my choice.
38:49The first
38:50woman to receive
38:52the black rose
38:53is
38:56Manila.
38:58Literally what?
38:59I'm sorry.
39:02Black rose?
39:04Whatever.
39:05Desperation
39:06is like
39:07a repellent
39:08to getting laid.
39:09No one wants
39:10to be around
39:11anyone that's desperate,
39:12and they definitely
39:13don't want to have
39:14sex with that.
39:15This is a bad look
39:16for me to be associated with.
39:18I hold in my hand
39:20the next black rose,
39:23and it goes to
39:26Silky.
39:27You're lost.
39:28Bring that rose over here.
39:29It's been an honor.
39:31Go back.
39:32Hurry.
39:32Okay.
39:33He need to be giving out
39:35our orders
39:36from lunch or something.
39:38That'll suit him better.
39:40My next black rose
39:42sadly goes to
39:44Bitch.
39:45Yeah.
39:49Feels targeted.
39:51I have another black rose.
39:53This one's for Jujubee.
39:56It's okay, baby.
39:58Thanks for giving me
39:59a chance to be voted out
40:00and out of this house.
40:01My pleasure.
40:04And my final black rose
40:06goes to
40:08Rock'em.
40:11Rock'em.
40:13Girl.
40:15Here, just...
40:16Yeah.
40:18Ladies,
40:19this is the final rose.
40:21Jesse,
40:22whenever you're ready.
40:23And Tammy,
40:25put away the knife.
40:27See that?
40:28Little monkey dick.
40:29Who do you not want to see
40:30get the red rose?
40:32I want to see Jesse
40:33get the rose.
40:34That's not how this works.
40:36Well, that's how it's gonna work
40:37because I'm gonna write this script
40:38the way it's gonna work.
40:39This is my reality,
40:40not his,
40:41and I'm sick of his shit.
40:42Who do I think
40:42would have made a better
40:43bachelor for this episode?
40:46Well, guess who?
40:47Satan himself.
40:48I'd prefer to have Satan
40:49because I know
40:50he has a thorny prick.
40:51Ladies,
40:53the winner of this challenge
40:54and the winner of my heart
40:57is
41:01Laganja Estranja.
41:04It's been so long
41:05since I've gone on a date
41:06and I truly felt seen.
41:08Oh, my God.
41:09I just won the red rose.
41:11I feel seen.
41:13I feel incredible.
41:14You held me
41:15with your kindness
41:16and your gaze,
41:17like with your eyes.
41:19This rose
41:21is for you.
41:22Thank you so much.
41:24Oh, thank you.
41:25I'm gonna give those
41:26big ears tinnitus.
41:27Okay.
41:28Yeah.
41:30And that marks the end
41:32of our first challenge.
41:33Jesse, thank you so much
41:35for being here.
41:35Everyone give a round
41:36of applause to Jesse.
41:39And now it's time for you
41:39to prepare for the voting ceremony,
41:41which begins shortly.
41:43Good luck to you all.
41:44Oh, y'all are gonna be great.
41:46Good luck, ladies.
41:47Good luck, baby.
41:49And rock'em.
41:50I'll be taking that phone.
41:52No!
41:53No!
41:56You know, I hate this part,
41:58but we have to make a decision.
42:01Are you down with the plan still?
42:04It's time to take out the trash.
42:06That's so funny, ladies,
42:08because the last time I checked,
42:10trash was spelled J-U-J-U-B-E-E.
42:13Make your votes count, ladies.
42:20I don't think she can spell.
42:22I'm changing the game.
42:23I'm asking all the queens
42:24to write my name down
42:25because I want to be eliminated.
42:28She's been wanting to go home
42:29the whole damn time.
42:30Let's keep her here the whole time.
42:31That's the goal.
42:35Where's that joint, though?
42:36And where's that freak?
42:37Look at that freak up there
42:38looking at us.
42:38Let's go.