- 2 days ago
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TVTranscript
00:09Hello there, I'm Neil Patrick Harris, and welcome to my spit-take masterclass.
00:14Tonight, I'll be taking you through the myriad of nuanced approaches to this sacred art form.
00:19Bianca told me that swallowing was the art form.
00:23Murray, please. The spit-take is an extremely versatile theatrical tool.
00:27Kid, nobody wants to hear about your versatile tool.
00:30A lot of people's reflex is to dismiss it as a cheap gag.
00:34So you're anti-gag reflex.
00:37Murray, I gotta get through this before the crew's ready for me.
00:39Uh, Mr. Harris, we are ready for you.
00:42What? We got...
00:44Let's go, let's go.
00:46Well, that burns.
00:50Come join our parties, they live in room size.
00:54When two teams of drag queens compete for the prize.
01:00Who won't be the winner?
01:04Drag me to be my...
01:08Hey!
01:10Hello there, pals, friends, and folks with an X.
01:13I'm your host, Murray Hill, the hardest-working, middle-aged man in show business.
01:17Welcome to Drag Me to Dinner,
01:19the show where a few sequins floating in the fondue is a small price to pay for a good time.
01:25Uh, do I go up there now? No, not yet.
01:26Tonight, two teams of your favorite drag queens will go head-to-head
01:30to throw drag-tastic theme parties for our judges.
01:33Originally from Albuquerque, New Mexico,
01:35his favorite food is chips and salsa,
01:38the yummy Neil Patrick Harris.
01:40In certain circles, she's known as Roy Haley,
01:43drag superstar Bianca Del Rio,
01:45and you better know CPR because she'll take your breath away.
01:49The sizzling Hanifa wood.
01:51The judges will be focusing on design and decor,
01:54food and drink,
01:55and entertainment and overall vibe
01:57to decide which team is greater.
02:00So let's meet tonight's teams.
02:04My name is Vanessa Vanjie Matteo.
02:06I'm that person you can lean on to post inspirational quotes.
02:10Is this like a serious answer?
02:11It's me, Alexis Mattel.
02:13I'm loud, I'm Puerto Rican,
02:15and a super powerhouse drag queen.
02:18Hey, y'all!
02:20My name is Meijas Iman Cummings.
02:21I am New York City's juiciest, happiest drag artist.
02:27I'm Marigold Cummings.
02:28I'm a New York City comedy queen and political activist.
02:32I remember the first time you did drag.
02:35She was wasted, just like today.
02:37Yay!
02:39Where did the bottle of tequila come from?
02:42We are here to plan the party of all parties.
02:46The other team better look out.
02:47I'm at the age now where I have grandchildren,
02:49so we get a lot of Botox and filler,
02:50but not recently because I can't afford it.
02:51So hopefully we win.
02:54We are here to beat the other hoes,
02:56because look,
02:57when me and Alexis throw a party,
02:58it's guaranteed to be a good time.
02:59It's guaranteed to get busted by the cops.
03:01It's guaranteed for the cops to join in,
03:03and everybody's going to walk out both legs.
03:06Ladies, come on out!
03:11Get out of here, ladies!
03:18Yeah, baby!
03:20Let it go!
03:21Woo!
03:21You are bringing the heat.
03:23Uh-huh, the tequila.
03:25Vanjie, what are you hoping to get out of tonight?
03:27I'm hoping I find myself...
03:31I hope...
03:32I ain't joking, bitch!
03:33I hope I get to, you know,
03:34line my chakras together right now.
03:36We got mercury and retrograde.
03:38So I'm just trying to, you know,
03:39walk out of the experience,
03:40a better version of myself,
03:42and possibly give me some...
03:44Well, I can help you with one of those things.
03:46Hey!
03:48Marty, uh, how did you prepare for tonight?
03:50I do...
03:54Woo!
03:56All right.
03:57Alexis, what's your favorite thing to do in the kitchen?
03:59I don't have sex a lot in the kitchen,
04:01but I would do it if I'm eating at the same time.
04:05Peaches, you're no stranger to the kitchen.
04:08That's true!
04:08Do you feel like you're better than the other queens?
04:11F*** yeah!
04:13These bitches ain't got nothing on me!
04:15Period!
04:17We all know that best dinner parties have a theme,
04:20and here to reveal tonight's theme
04:22is our expert and the life of the party,
04:25David Berka!
04:26Woo!
04:26Come on, Mr. Berka!
04:28Come on, Mr. Berka!
04:30Hi, I'm Rory.
04:31Oh, hey, David!
04:32Hello, ladies!
04:34Hi, buddy!
04:35Hi!
04:35Congratulations!
04:37I feel like I've been waiting nine months to welcome you.
04:40Oh, all right.
04:40Tonight's theme
04:43is baby showers.
04:45Ah!
04:46Showers!
04:47Okay!
04:48And keep in mind,
04:49our judges will be observing it all.
04:51Food and drink,
04:52design and decor,
04:53entertainment and overall vibe.
04:55So give some thought of what you're going to do,
04:57whether it's a punch that's tasty and fun
05:00or a cheese board that's far from boring
05:02or bite-sized baby quiches.
05:04And if you're feeling overwhelmed,
05:06don't worry,
05:07you'll have two handy helpers to assist you.
05:09Make those judges go goo-goo-ga-ga!
05:12Ain't nothing by size, Kyle.
05:14Ain't nothing by size.
05:15I really want you to play with your food
05:17and not just with your fingers.
05:19Okay, ladies,
05:20this is your big moment to sparkle for our judges.
05:23And if you do,
05:24you'll be showered with fantastic prizes
05:26like these.
05:27A baby bottle full of babies,
05:29a nut sack,
05:31a cup tape,
05:32a Fran dresser,
05:33a bathtub of butter,
05:35Ode to Harry Styles,
05:3755 gallons of lube,
05:39a high-five from Bianca Del Rio herself,
05:41all the crackers you can carry,
05:43and the grandest prize of them all,
05:46the glorious Golden Grater.
05:49Because one team is great,
05:51but the other is greater.
05:54Okay, Queens,
05:55are you ready to get this dinner party started?
05:57Yeah!
05:58Yeah!
05:58All right, start the clock,
06:00release the Queens!
06:04You have 90 minutes to go!
06:06Oh, my God!
06:07Come on out, bitch!
06:08It's time to cook, bitch!
06:10Here's what I'm thinking.
06:10Baby shower,
06:12but we celebrate our roots
06:14in the Toddlers and Tiaras pageant world.
06:16Because we were pageant girls,
06:18but we were the...
06:18We used to be pageant girls!
06:19It's a family show today.
06:20How's that?
06:21Both teams are drag mother, drag daughter.
06:25I just think it's such a beautiful thing
06:26because the mother,
06:27they take the yarn
06:28and drag queen under their wing
06:30and mentor them
06:31and show them the ropes.
06:32It's amazing.
06:33I have no experience with baby showers.
06:35Alexis is the mom,
06:36Vanshee's the daughter.
06:37You should be the one having a baby, bitch.
06:40Having a baby?
06:40Like I'm throwing my daughter a baby shower.
06:44You're gonna need a shot for this one.
06:46A pageant setter.
06:47Pageant setter.
06:47A pageant.
06:48We need thrones.
06:49We need balloons.
06:50Pillars.
06:51Pillars.
06:52Marty's the mother
06:52and Peaches is the daughter.
06:54It's very hard to tell
06:55who the mother and the daughter is.
06:56It's true.
06:57You can't do it by how old they look.
07:00Look at that.
07:02Iconic.
07:03Marty, very big on activism.
07:06Yes.
07:06You like fan it.
07:08You fan it.
07:08She ran for office.
07:09She ran for office
07:10and she lost
07:11so now she's on this show.
07:13It's a great career trajectory.
07:15I would love to be like
07:16a backyard kind of baby shower for you
07:19because you like that kind of girl.
07:21The backyard kind of girl.
07:22A backyard kind of bitch.
07:23Yes.
07:23Help me move the table back off.
07:25Can we get help?
07:26Come on.
07:27Yeah.
07:31Oh my goodness.
07:33Justice.
07:35Ha!
07:36Ha!
07:36Ha!
07:37Ha!
07:37Ha!
07:37Ha!
07:37Ha!
07:39Ha!
07:41Ha!
07:52Ha!
07:53Ha!
07:54Ha!
07:54Oh my God.
07:55We have to make macaroni and cheese.
07:57Peaches, what's a good baby?
07:59Lambs.
07:59Oh!
08:01Lambs.
08:01Lambs.
08:02But it's a baby, so it should be a lamb lollipop.
08:05This is going to be difficult because I really don't cook.
08:07Do you cook?
08:08I can cook a grilled cheese.
08:10Oh, bitch, that's not cooking.
08:12That's cooking, bitch.
08:12I can make cereal.
08:13That doesn't mean I'm a chef.
08:14I want it to be very Latino, though.
08:17It's very Latino.
08:18I've been drinking.
08:20Sandwichitos de mezcla.
08:21Yes.
08:21It happens in every Latino party, okay?
08:23Since it is my baby shower, we're going to give him something sweet.
08:26Neat and ready for eat.
08:28Uh-huh.
08:28I like.
08:29Chocolate mousse and a dirty-ass diaper because you're not going to have a baby.
08:33You have to make the people guess if it's a Hershey's, a Snickers, a chocolate mousse.
08:36Oh, the flavor.
08:37It's like a flavor game.
08:38Flavor game.
08:40And then for drinks, I'll make, because I don't drink, so I'll make bubble tea.
08:43An ovulation bubble tea.
08:45It's the eggs going through the fallopian tube to the promised land of reproduction.
08:51Hey!
08:52I never get that far in the process.
08:53Okay.
08:53I will make a martini, but it becomes a placentini.
09:00You make that, bitch.
09:01What we need now is sangria.
09:03What is this sangria called?
09:04The impotomics.
09:05It's amniotic.
09:06For the postpartum.
09:07It's just a strong drink.
09:09It's a lot of we got to do.
09:10You know what we should do?
09:12When the girls are not looking, we should start mopping their stuff.
09:16Bitch, I'm already on.
09:17That way.
09:17They don't have nothing to you.
09:19Hello?
09:20You should call them over here.
09:21Distract them.
09:22Hey, Shakira and Cher.
09:25What are you talking about?
09:26We're going to do a shot because it's that time of the day.
09:30I got to stay hydrated.
09:31Okay.
09:34David, did you know Marty back when she drank?
09:37Okay, let's do our water shots everywhere.
09:41Oh, I think there's some sabotage going on.
09:42Oh, there's stealing going on.
09:44Please not throw the tape on that.
09:45You can't do it.
09:46You can't do it.
09:47You can't do it.
09:48As always.
09:49Here we go.
09:50Look at this.
09:51Benji.
09:51Benji.
09:52Benji.
09:54It's shot o'clock.
09:54Come on, you dumb bitch.
09:58Let's go.
09:59They didn't even notice.
10:01Oh.
10:01I don't like water.
10:07I don't like water shots over there.
10:09Are you so sad?
10:10Are you?
10:12Hello?
10:13I...
10:13I gotta get on set.
10:17We have 45 minutes left.
10:2045 minutes?!
10:22And you gotta complete your food and drinks,
10:24decorate your rooms,
10:25and get ready to entertain the judges.
10:27The baby's due date may be months away,
10:29but the end of this challenge isn't.
10:31So get moving!
10:32Is this guy real?
10:34Wait, we got 45 minutes to cook land?
10:36How do you get...
10:37We put the mezcla in the sandwichitos,
10:39spread it out,
10:41like it's looping your booty, baby.
10:43I forgot what hurricane it was,
10:44but bitch, this is what we had.
10:45Oh yeah, this is literally tradition,
10:47when the power is out.
10:49You're making the taco?
10:50Yeah.
10:50I'm gonna get...
10:51I'm gonna start working on the lamb,
10:52because it's gonna take some time to cook.
10:54So...
10:55The mousse.
10:55You need to put this in here,
10:57and you gotta start melting them.
10:58Let me crunch them.
10:59And now the technique I'm using is the...
11:02the crush...
11:03the crush technique.
11:04You see this by professional cookers.
11:06This was a technique that even Mrs. Doubtfire used.
11:09What is in your boba tea?
11:10I have tapioca,
11:12because that's like the egg,
11:13and you know I like sperm.
11:14So...
11:15Now I gotta do simple syrup.
11:17This looks disgusting.
11:29That is so gross.
11:30Oh God.
11:31Marty, that's not correct.
11:37I'm about to just go ahead and...
11:39and go and distract them,
11:40and then you grab it, okay?
11:41Because we're gonna need that cream.
11:42Oh, it looks like dogs.
11:44You gotta go.
11:47Thank you, Christian.
11:48Can you do it?
11:50Marty, this is the thank you and go.
11:52Oh, God.
11:52Hey, ladies.
11:53Oh, babe, what are you doing over here?
11:54I'm waiting for try something.
11:55Come here.
11:56Wait, try my bubble tea.
11:57I heard that you guys are so good at this .
11:59Take a sip.
12:00Okay, what is this?
12:01This is bubble tea.
12:03Bubble tea.
12:03Don't trust that.
12:04It was made by Marty.
12:05Now, I've never seen this happen in one of the episodes.
12:09Girl, that's disgusting.
12:10No, it's not.
12:11It is.
12:12No, it's not.
12:13Bitch, you better kill me.
12:15Oh, shit.
12:16It's trying to get in your head.
12:17Wait, you don't...
12:18You don't like it?
12:20What are you taking a shot?
12:21She tried to steal something from us.
12:22I thought we were sharing ingredients.
12:24Take a sip for you.
12:26There you go.
12:27There we go.
12:28There we go.
12:28This bitch just melted us.
12:33I'm the judge of the show.
12:34I need...
12:37I'm trying to get on set.
12:38I can't...
12:39The door is locked.
12:39Can someone help me out, please?
12:40This is ridiculous.
12:42Hey.
12:43No, there's no...
12:46There's...
12:50Queens!
12:51You have 30 minutes left.
12:53Oh, my God.
12:55Girl!
12:56So, we're running out of time.
12:56That's the one time that pizza's been on the makeup.
12:58What are you...
12:59Marty?
12:59You have to get it into the cups.
13:02This is how they do it in the restaurant.
13:04What is happening in there, Marty?
13:05It's the real...
13:06We're gonna lose.
13:08Listen, when you're pregnant, you get the munchies.
13:10This is munchie food, bitch.
13:11Do you need help with the lamb?
13:12No, no, no.
13:13I'm just getting it into some cute little lollipops.
13:16Okay, Queens!
13:17I am gonna ask you a trivia question.
13:19Trivia!
13:20It's trivia time!
13:22Time!
13:23The first team to shout out the correct answer will get an extra hand from our resident expert,
13:29David Berka.
13:30And the other team will get a house call from Sue Sheck.
13:33She is something else.
13:35All right, Queens, here we go.
13:37Yes!
13:37Yes!
13:37How many years does it take for a diaper to decompose?
13:4310,033!
13:44That's a grown diaper, the one you'll be wearing.
13:49Five!
13:5029!
13:51A hundred years!
13:52A hundred years!
13:53A hundred years!
13:53A hundred years!
13:54A hundred years!
13:54Five hundred!
13:55Five hundred!
13:56Five hundred!
13:57Yes!
13:57Get out!
13:59One, two, three, four, five!
14:01Eat that!
14:01Eat that!
14:02We won, bitch!
14:03We won, bitch!
14:03You don't win, bitch!
14:05We won!
14:05Oh!
14:08I'm fine!
14:09I'm fine!
14:10I'm fine!
14:11I'm fine!
14:11It's time to get a special tip from David.
14:14All right, here you go.
14:15Here you go.
14:15So, you want to take this down to the lollipop, right?
14:17Okay, yeah.
14:18How do we make it a lollipop?
14:19So, you're going to cut the lollipops here.
14:21Okay.
14:22Just take that off.
14:24Okay.
14:24And make sure you do a really nice sear on this.
14:26All right, you guys are going to be good?
14:27Yeah, for a second.
14:28Thank you, David.
14:29Woo!
14:30Okay, I'm here to help!
14:33Uh-oh, it's sous chef.
14:36I love it!
14:36What do you need help with?
14:38We need all the help!
14:38Hey, baby girl!
14:39Hello!
14:40I see you've got some chicharron.
14:42Oh, my God!
14:44Oh, my God!
14:45Oh, my God!
14:45Oh, my God!
14:46It just exploded on me!
14:47It just exploded!
14:48It exploded!
14:48Taste my sandwich.
14:49Look!
14:53Ow!
14:54How was it?
14:54You're disgusting!
14:56Oh!
14:56Why?
14:56It is so good!
14:58Oh, my God!
14:59Oh, my God!
15:00Oh, my God!
15:02Security!
15:02Ah!
15:03Security!
15:04This happens in every Latino party, too.
15:07It's all good.
15:07We got this.
15:08Okay, queens, four minutes to go.
15:11Yeah, can we get an extension?
15:12Yeah, let's make that a 45.
15:14Nobody give us instructions in Spanish.
15:16I'm about to sear this lamb, baby.
15:19Ooh, that's that sizzle we like to hear.
15:22That ain't supposed to look like .
15:23Yes.
15:24Okay, so we're doing good.
15:25We're doing good.
15:25It's looking like .
15:27Honestly, this is bougie of us.
15:29We're serving lamb at our baby shower.
15:31We got babies in here, little aunties.
15:33Oh, my God.
15:34They are really...
15:35Hold on, let me see that.
15:36Look at the baby.
15:37You don't think this is dangerous?
15:38No.
15:39I'll be trying to swallow this.
15:41Suck on it till the baby comes out.
15:43Don't spit.
15:44Oh, my God.
15:45You swallow the arm.
15:47Oh, my God.
15:48Turn around.
15:48We got to find the arm.
15:50Nothing's better than some smokin' hot brown meat.
15:53You know what I mean?
15:55Just taste this and see if it's strong.
16:02Queens, you must be inside your dining room when the curtains are closed.
16:06And they are closing in 30 seconds.
16:11Peaches, we have to make macaroni and cheese.
16:13I get a hairbrush.
16:15Just take everything.
16:16Just take everything.
16:17The cooking is not for me.
16:19Put it in the oven.
16:20Put it in the oven.
16:21Hold on.
16:21I need a break.
16:22Oh, my boobs.
16:24Poppy, please.
16:24Massage me.
16:25Peaches, let's go.
16:26Let's go.
16:27Chop the parsley.
16:28Chop the parsley.
16:29Let's go.
16:3010 seconds.
16:31Warm it up quickly.
16:32Can you take this meat?
16:34Seven.
16:34Oh, my God.
16:36Five.
16:37Put them on the tray.
16:38Let's go.
16:38Four.
16:39Go.
16:39Just take them.
16:39Three.
16:40Two.
16:41One.
16:43Time's up, Queens.
16:45Oh, my God.
16:48I have to pee.
16:49I'm ready for nap time.
16:50This is what labor must feel like.
16:52That was exhausting.
16:54Okay.
16:55It's time for television and magic to make a baby.
16:59It's party time.
17:06Drag me to dinner on Hulu.
17:12And if you never left, thank you.
17:13Because we all have abandonment issues here.
17:15If you know, you know.
17:17We're about to head into our first baby shower.
17:20But before we do, let's meet our judges.
17:22Our first judger moved to New York City to make a name for herself.
17:26And after she found out what it was, she moved to California.
17:29It's Bianca Del Rio.
17:32Hello, Marie.
17:33Now, do you know what they actually called me?
17:35No.
17:37I thought you were going to do it.
17:38I thought you were going to do it.
17:39I thought you were going to do it.
17:40I thought you were going to do it.
17:40I thought you were going to do it.
17:41I can't say it.
17:41You can say it.
17:42You say it.
17:44Contagious.
17:44That's it.
17:46And this next judge has won awards, given out awards, and now his biggest reward is helping drag queens throw
17:52fake dinner parties.
17:54It's Neil Patrick Harris.
17:56Thanks, Marie.
17:56What can I say?
17:57I'm a giver and a taker.
17:58I like it both ways.
18:00You're a switch.
18:01Hit her.
18:02Pitch her.
18:03And our third judger, you've met her before.
18:06She's a true method actress.
18:08And honoring tonight's theme, please welcome baby Hanifa Wood.
18:12Oh.
18:14Who's your daddy?
18:14Who's your baby daddy?
18:15Who's your daddy?
18:16Who's your daddy?
18:17You can get back to the plot, Marie.
18:20And now it's time to see what the stork brought.
18:23Let's go to tonight's first baby shower.
18:26All right, pals.
18:26Heading backstage.
18:27I'll see you soon.
18:28Be careful with the baby.
18:29She spit up.
18:30These ladies went through three trimesters in minutes.
18:33Please enjoy our first dinner party with Alexis Mateo and Vanessa Vanjie Mateo in My Baby Did the Hanky Panky.
18:59Oh my god, look at us.
19:02We're so ready for this party.
19:03Oh, I'm definitely ready for the party.
19:05For my own party, honey.
19:06Oh my god, look at your belly.
19:08Girl, you are ready to pop.
19:09Bitch, and the contrastions are back to back.
19:12Ooh!
19:13Oh.
19:14Bitch, I feel like I might have another baby.
19:16Y'all dressed up for the occasion.
19:17Boys, we're ready?
19:19Let's go.
19:19I am so excited that you guys are here.
19:22Oh.
19:23Open up, boys.
19:24Open up the door.
19:25Hello.
19:26Hello.
19:27Hey, buddy.
19:28Hello.
19:29This will be my baby shower.
19:31Bunch of bitches that I've never seen before.
19:33Oh, what a wonderful welcome.
19:34I'm Neal.
19:35Hi, Neal.
19:36How are you?
19:37Baby Hanifa.
19:38Oh my god, she get younger every day.
19:41Yeah.
19:41Look at that.
19:42Bitch, I haven't seen my coochie in six months.
19:45Oh, that's a blessing.
19:47You can relate, ho.
19:49Oh.
19:50Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
19:51Now, let me just say, I think it's amazing that both of you are pregnant.
19:54I am so happy to have a mother and daughter having a child at the same time.
19:58I'm not pregnant, bitch.
19:59You're not?
19:59No.
20:00Oh, so rude.
20:01Awkward.
20:02Oh my god.
20:03I am so excited.
20:04Everybody welcome to our five stars, low income, backyard, extravaganza, eleganza,
20:11dedicated to my daughter Vanessa Vanjie's baby shower.
20:16And congratulations to the fathers?
20:19Yeah.
20:19No, we don't know that.
20:20That's not confirmed either yet.
20:21You know what?
20:22This is the perfect moment to introduce our first meal.
20:25Oh, this is called sanguichito de mezcla.
20:28And it's a traditional dish from Puerto Rico.
20:31What's in the sandwich?
20:32Yeah.
20:32It's bread.
20:34I love the decorations.
20:36Can you tell us a little bit about these?
20:38We got it at the dollar store.
20:39When they said baby showers, I was like, oh, bitch.
20:41I've been to a lot of baby showers in high school.
20:43This was kind of shit that, you know, they would put together, backyard situation,
20:47you know, get everybody, you know, drinking underage or whatever.
20:49You know what's the most shocking thing about that story is that you went to high school.
20:52Well, that was the end of that story.
20:54At high school, that was it.
20:55Next question.
20:58Well, I'm sure Hanifa has a question.
21:00Hanifa.
21:00Hanifa.
21:01Any questions?
21:02Why are there more babies at this baby shower?
21:04I don't know what the question was then.
21:06I don't speak baby.
21:07This is my first baby happening right now.
21:09So what are you excited about being a grandma?
21:11I am actually not excited about .
21:13But I'm very excited because Vanjie has been preparing an entertainment section in this party.
21:19Okay.
21:19I'm going to show y'all how bitches be getting pregnant, young age,
21:23do not know what's going on.
21:24And I'm going to show y'all how it happens.
21:25Go ahead and take a seat for me.
21:27There's a few different things that happen.
21:29So you can usually end up here.
21:31Uh-huh.
21:31And you know.
21:33Uh-huh.
21:33If you stop there, you won't have a baby shower.
21:36You probably just have a, you know, a Friday night after party.
21:39Well, maybe if you just had your face showered, you wouldn't be in the situation you're in right now.
21:43This one's for you, Bianca.
21:44I could still have two, three, four kids.
21:46Now this is another part of the class.
21:48You know, when you go like this and then you end up like this.
21:51Oh, careful.
21:51And you do all them things.
21:52Now hold the belly down.
21:53Careful.
21:53And you do all of that things.
21:55We definitely probably going to get pregnant.
21:57Oh, that was entertaining.
21:59That was incredible.
22:00That's how we ended up here at my baby shower with a bunch of strangers.
22:05Okay, so here goes.
22:07Oh.
22:07It's a baby shower dessert.
22:09Oh, I see.
22:10It's incredible.
22:11So you take the diaper.
22:13Oh.
22:13I don't know.
22:14But this definitely smells familiar.
22:16Yes.
22:17So you have to guess the chocolate cream.
22:19Oreo.
22:20Oreo?
22:21I taste corn.
22:23Anifa, will you taste this?
22:25Oh.
22:26Oh.
22:26She loves it.
22:27She loves it.
22:27She likes it.
22:28So wait, Anifa.
22:29Now tell us.
22:30What is it?
22:30It tastes like a Cuban espresso mousse.
22:33The baby Anifa got it!
22:36What is it?
22:37It's a Cuban espresso mousse.
22:41What?
22:41And the real...
22:42Bitch, I don't even understand what the bitch said.
22:44It's a Cuban espresso mousse.
22:46Hold on.
22:47Gotta say it again.
22:47Go ahead.
22:48Try it again, bitch.
22:49Okay.
22:50It's a Cuban coffee espresso mousse.
23:03Listen, the only thing harder than you saying this statement is paying taxes.
23:07Now try it.
23:08Come on.
23:09The special ingredient is Cuban coffee espresso shot.
23:14Yes.
23:17I tell you.
23:18Oh.
23:19Yay!
23:21Oh, my God.
23:22Lord have mercy.
23:24What a train wreck I live.
23:25I need a drink.
23:26Yeah.
23:27That's my cue.
23:28Give me one second.
23:29Hold on.
23:29Hold on.
23:30Keep eating the little brownies.
23:31I'm confused.
23:32Is this mousse or is this espresso?
23:34It's an espresso Cuban coffee.
23:37Oh.
23:37What is it?
23:38It's a Cuban coffee.
23:40Oh, my God.
23:40Bitch, you need to know.
23:41All right.
23:42Don't be calling me tonight.
23:43Don't ask any more questions.
23:44Give me the cups.
23:45Let's go.
23:46Oh, great.
23:46I got this new plush for you.
23:48Oh.
23:49All right.
23:50Cheers.
23:50Thank you for coming to the baby shower.
23:53Mmm.
23:54Oh.
23:54Mmm.
23:55What is this?
23:57My ambiotic sangria.
24:00Bitch.
24:01Welcome to the baby shower.
24:04Don't cry, baby.
24:05Our second party is moments away.
24:08Drag me to dinner.
24:11Go ahead.
24:13Go ahead.
24:16We got this.
24:18We got this.
24:18Go ahead.
24:19Yeah.
24:19That's it.
24:20That's it.
24:21You got it.
24:23Like clockwork.
24:24Look at that.
24:25Oh, wait.
24:26Honey, you saw what?
24:28Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
24:31Okay.
24:32It's time for tonight's second dinner party, starring Marty Gould Cummings and Peaches' Emala.
24:37on Cummings Inn, Miss Mistake USA.
24:59Smile big.
25:00Ah, finally.
25:01Smile big. Smile big.
25:03You're my little baby that I never wanted.
25:05I'm what?
25:07Nothing.
25:08Oh, okay.
25:09Come on.
25:11Happy Baby Shower!
25:13Happy Baby Shower!
25:15Oh, my goodness.
25:16This is the Miss Mistake pageant.
25:21This is my little baby.
25:22She's my little pageant girl,
25:24and we're going to make you into our little pageant girls, too.
25:26So we have statues for all of you.
25:28We've got our pretty baby.
25:30Oh, my.
25:31The pretty baby baby.
25:32Oh, and a match. Thank you guys.
25:33We've got our cry baby.
25:35That's you!
25:36Whoopsy, whoopsy.
25:37There you go.
25:38We've got our little Rosemary's baby, the devil herself.
25:41Oh, okay, careful.
25:42Whoop!
25:43Can we hold it?
25:44And, of course, Lindbergh's baby.
25:46Missy baby.
25:49Speaking of babies...
25:51That's me!
25:51Who's the...
25:52You're the baby?
25:53I'm the baby!
25:55She's my little pageant girl.
25:56Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
25:57I'm confused.
25:57So who is having the baby?
25:59We're not having a baby.
26:00I'm her mother.
26:01Wait, back it up, back it up.
26:02We're not having a baby.
26:03We had a baby shower.
26:04We're having a baby shower because when she was a little girl,
26:06she never had a baby shower.
26:08But now that she's grown and I'm going to make her a star,
26:11we're having a baby shower.
26:12How?
26:14All right.
26:14All right.
26:15And it's for a party, right?
26:16Absolutely.
26:17With food like this?
26:19Oh, it's the best.
26:20Oh.
26:22Okay.
26:23You want to try some?
26:24Can we sit down?
26:25Sure.
26:25Please, have a seat.
26:26Oh, okay.
26:26We're going to serve you.
26:27This is our...
26:29Avulation Boba Surprise.
26:31It's our Avulation Boba Surprise.
26:32It's milky because, you know, sperm.
26:34And then there's the little egg.
26:35So, enjoy that.
26:37Where's the real liquor?
26:38This is the real one here.
26:39It's called a Glicentini.
26:43Mom, tell them what this is.
26:45Macaroni and cheese.
26:46It's got no fancy name.
26:47It came from a box and we put it in the microwave,
26:49but it's very delicious.
26:50Oh.
26:50Oh.
26:51Here you go.
26:52Look at you.
26:53Here, would you like to try?
26:55Listen, don't mistake me enjoying your food
26:57for understanding the situation here.
26:58Okay.
26:58So, I am her mother.
27:00Yes.
27:01And when she was born, I had to raise her and take care of her.
27:04No time for a baby shower.
27:05And I always wanted to be a star, but I'm a homely girl,
27:07so I never did make it in the pageant world
27:09because I looked like a horse.
27:10So, this young lady, I tried to make a pageant girl and a star.
27:13Didn't quite work out for her either.
27:14So, we thought, why don't we make our own pageant
27:16and our own baby shower now that she's grown
27:18and you can enjoy the celebration with us.
27:20How's the lamb?
27:22Yeah.
27:25You are also contestants, which is fun.
27:28All right.
27:28Give us your best little pageant.
27:31Oh.
27:32Oh.
27:32Oh.
27:33Oh.
27:34Oh.
27:34Oh.
27:35Oh.
27:35And now do one of these.
27:37Oh.
27:37Not great, but okay.
27:38Work.
27:39It's time for the Q&A portion of the pageant.
27:42Oh, the pageant Q&A, yeah.
27:43Okay, Q&A.
27:44Who's going first?
27:45Oh, okay.
27:46Oh, okay.
27:46Would you rather have teeth for pubic hair or pubic hair for teeth?
27:51Think about it.
27:52I would rather have teeth for pubic hair because I like to take a bite out of things.
28:01Oh.
28:02That's great.
28:03Number two, Cry Baby.
28:04If you were to cure any wrong in the world, what would it be and why?
28:10The cure that I would cure in all of the world would be the cure of people who die and
28:16who
28:16are hungry.
28:17Why does this baby sound like an old lady?
28:18Because let's be honest.
28:19Okay, work.
28:20Thank you so much, Cry Baby.
28:22That was Eat Your Lamb.
28:24Contessa number three, Rosemary's Baby.
28:27Okay.
28:29If you had to choose, would you rather death?
28:36Woo!
28:38That was good.
28:40Wow.
28:43Contessa number four.
28:44Ooh, it's my turn.
28:47Goo goo goo ga ga.
28:48Ga ga goo goo goo.
28:49Goo goo goo ga ga.
28:51I don't know, but it has nothing to do with this baby bit.
28:56Oh.
28:57Oh, wow.
28:57That was the winning answer.
28:59Why don't we show them our talent?
29:00That would win a moment.
29:00Please.
29:01What do I tell it?
29:02This is from the old routine that I taught her back in the pageant.
29:05Oh, oh, wait.
29:06This is the swimsuit round.
29:09Oh.
29:10Oh.
29:14Is it a boy?
29:16Is it a girl?
29:19Who cares?
29:20Yes.
29:21Yes.
29:26Wow, they're really tapping.
29:29Woo!
29:32Woo!
29:36Woo!
29:40Woo!
29:40Yay!
29:41Well, uh, thank you!
29:43Thank you!
29:43Thank you!
29:43Thank you!
29:44Thank you!
29:44Thank you!
29:45Thank you!
29:45Thank you!
29:45Thank you so much.
29:46We prepared just for you.
29:47Now?
29:48Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're really out of breath from that number?
29:51Aren't you just from watching?
29:52It's been a hard life.
29:54Yeah, it takes a lot of strength for me now to get up from this chair and leave.
29:57Oh, no, no, no, we're almost there.
29:59We're almost there. We're almost done.
30:00I've heard that from a man before.
30:01This is the big finale. It's time for the crowning.
30:05Oh, my goodness.
30:06Oh, Miss Mistake 2022.
30:09The crowning, there's no baby coming.
30:11How is it a crowning? She's not even pregnant.
30:14What is, I can, listen, I can go along with this game for a while.
30:16Next thing you know, you're going to tell me that you're men.
30:18This is impossible!
30:19This is ridiculous.
30:21We all gave performances and she didn't even do anything.
30:23It's not fair that this even happened.
30:26But I'm the prettiest!
30:33Okay, okay, okay.
30:36You married that.
30:38You were wonderful at what you did, but she was a star.
30:41What's that, Hanifa?
30:42This is some bull****.
30:44I'm the only actual baby here.
30:46What she said.
30:51Find out what our judgers really thought next.
31:00Let's get judgy.
31:02This was a weird episode.
31:03Wasn't it?
31:04You know what?
31:05You say weird.
31:06I say exciting and fulfilling.
31:09And I use that term loosely.
31:10Nope.
31:10David's a**.
31:13All right.
31:13Alexis and Vanessa's teen mom baby shower.
31:17They had no idea what was happening.
31:19But it wouldn't surprise me if they had been doing shots or whatever because they seemed
31:23knackered by the time the party started.
31:25I thought it was funny.
31:26I thought that Vanjie was actually pregnant.
31:29She was busting and ready to go.
31:31I thought it was hilarious that at the end we finally got served an actual alcoholic beverage
31:36and then it turned out to be from her own pregnancy dump.
31:42That made me laugh.
31:43Is that the technical term?
31:44That's the technical term.
31:45Yeah.
31:45I was a doctor on TV.
31:46Can you say it again?
31:47Because it excites me.
31:48Say it again.
31:48Listen, let's be fair.
31:49People my age don't have children anymore because they're dry.
31:52But I don't think they knew what was going on.
31:54I don't think they knew there was cameras involved, which made it even more entertaining.
31:57So Alexis and Vanjie had a pico de gallo sauce that they had along with some guacamole
32:03and they were serving it with some plantain chips and chicharron, but they never passed
32:08it around.
32:08Be real.
32:09We were offered a sandwich made of orange sand.
32:12That's what we had.
32:13It was dry, Murray.
32:15Dry.
32:16It was a mezcla.
32:17I got to say, Murray, walking in was a magical experience because seeing these two people
32:21with mustaches in drag, they could have been.
32:23Hey, hey, hey, hey.
32:24My mother.
32:25My mother.
32:26You wouldn't claim me.
32:27I enjoyed food.
32:28I enjoyed the moment.
32:30I enjoyed the fact that Hanifa didn't talk that much, but it was unity of family.
32:33Well, baby Hanifa, what'd you think of Alexis and Vanessa's party?
32:37I had fun.
32:38That amniotic fluid was delicious.
32:40Were you at the same party?
32:42I mean, that's crazy.
32:44All right.
32:44Neil, how did you like Marty and Peach's party?
32:46This party to me was hilarious.
32:48I walked in.
32:49They had a whole story that Marty, the mom, had birthed Peaches and she wasn't able to have
33:26a proper baby shower.
33:26You folded the cheese onto your plate.
33:28Everything that she said had to do with babies.
33:31Baby Hanifa, what'd you think of Marty and Peach's party?
33:34Listen, the food was delicious.
33:37The drinks were amazing.
33:38It was the best party I've ever been to.
33:40She didn't act that way sitting next to me when you were spitting up.
33:43All right, team.
33:45Have you reached a decision?
33:47I think so.
33:48No.
33:48I refuse to commit to a decision.
33:52You should be committed.
33:56Oh, my God.
33:57We're actually finally about to find out who won.
34:00Thank you for inviting us to your fake dinner party in your fake homes while pregnant with
34:05your fake babies.
34:07And now, stand back, everybody.
34:10We're crowning.
34:11Wait, wait, wait, wait.
34:12Not me.
34:12The winner.
34:14All right, here we go.
34:15The winner of the glorious golden grater is...
34:19Oh, my gosh.
34:21The water.
34:22Holy s***.
34:24Oh, s***.
34:25Oh, my God.
34:26What are you doing?
34:27What is it?
34:28Hold on, girl.
34:32Marty and Peach.
34:45Congratulations, queens.
34:46You are an inspiration to pregnant women everywhere.
34:50And along with your glorious golden grater, you also get to take home a bundle of beautiful
34:55presents.
34:58Ladies, are you having any feelings after your big win?
35:01This is for all the babies of the world who never had a shower.
35:05This was a labor of love.
35:09So beautiful.
35:11Well, thank you for joining us.
35:13And I think Billy Eichner is on the street waiting to interview you both.
35:16Now, beat it.
35:17Oh, great.
35:17Billy Eichner.
35:18Billy Eichner.
35:18Billy Eichner.
35:19Billy Eichner.
35:20Ladies, you were wonderful tonight.
35:22Off the rails.
35:23I loved it.
35:23You said you were committed to the crazy.
35:25I'm sorry it didn't work out.
35:26But, you know, maybe you'll have better luck with the second child.
35:29Well, I'm sorry that we didn't win.
35:31How are you feeling?
35:32Right now, I feel like my contraptions is hitting.
35:34Uh-huh.
35:35Contraption.
35:36Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt.
35:37Murray, girls, I know that you didn't win the party.
35:40But our nanny just quit.
35:43Would you guys mind nannying our children?
35:45You're so amazing with kids.
35:46Huh.
35:47Huh.
35:49Let's do it.
35:49Come on.
35:50Thanks.
35:50I'll give you my phone.
35:51When do we start?
35:52Come here.
35:53Come here.
35:53Just now.
35:53Come on.
35:54Tell me what you're...
35:55Thanks so much for joining us tonight on a very special episode of Drag Me to Dinner.
36:00I've been your host, Murray Hill.
36:02And if you find yourself pregnant and searching for a name for your child, Murray works for all
36:07gender identifications, including any new ones that we'll be at when this finally airs.
36:12If it does.
36:13Good night, pals.
36:15I think we won.
36:16Look at us.
36:17Come here, look.
36:18I feel like we won.
36:19I don't need a trees grater.
36:20I could go get one at, um, Ikea.
36:22I'm getting pregnant right now.
36:24Hello.
36:24We're gonna have another, uh, baby shower.
36:26Stay tuned.
36:27After I push this sucker out, Alexis, it's your turn.
36:30Yeah.
36:31And we learn from the first mishap, we're gonna call Mrs. Doubtfire to prepare the dinners
36:36for us.
36:38Stay tuned, m****.