- 2 days ago
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TVTranscript
00:07If this episode doesn't win an Emmy, I don't know what will.
00:12Let the dinner party begin!
00:15We came here to serve.
00:17And the food is only one aspect.
00:20Hoga party.
00:21Morning 20s.
00:22Baby shower.
00:22Carnival.
00:23Do you have eggshells in your blender?
00:25Mind your business.
00:29I didn't come here to make friends.
00:31I came here to make dinner.
00:37I got a weenie.
00:41Throw a damn party.
00:43Why are there more babies at this baby shower?
00:44Next thing you know, you're going to tell me that you're men.
00:46Best party ever.
00:51Guys, guys, guys, huddle up.
00:52We're about to shoot the first episode of Drag Me to Dinner.
00:55The best show about dueling parties thrown by pairs of drag queens that the world has ever known.
01:01I think it's the only show.
01:02Murray.
01:03Yeah, boss?
01:03You're the host.
01:04The front of house.
01:06I want you to come up with a catchphrase, okay?
01:07Okay, you got it.
01:08Show this.
01:09Yes, it is.
01:09And I want you to come up with a catchphrase because of it.
01:12Hanifa.
01:13Present.
01:14All right.
01:14You are the VIP of this show.
01:16And I think you know what the P stands for, but I'm not going to tell you.
01:19So I want you to stay healthy, all right?
01:21I got it.
01:22Quick question, though.
01:22Am I the only one who can't smell or taste anything?
01:25Bianca, there's ten of these episodes, so I want you to try and stay positive, okay?
01:30F*** you.
01:32David.
01:33Yeah?
01:33You're the expert, so I want you to dress conservatively.
01:36Um, I can't hear you.
01:37And no family members on set.
01:39But my aunt is here, so I...
01:40All right.
01:41Good show on three.
01:42Ready?
01:43One.
01:44Good show.
01:44Wait.
01:45Two.
01:45Good show.
01:46No, wait until I say three.
01:47Good show.
01:48Oh, my God.
01:49Let's go.
01:50Let's go.
01:51Let's go.
01:51A show about drag queens cooking and drinking?
01:54What could possibly go wrong?
02:00Come join our parties, they live in room size.
02:05Where two teams of drag queens compete for the prize.
02:11Who won't need no end up?
02:14Drag me to dig now.
02:21Hey, how are you?
02:22Well, hey there, your highnesses.
02:24I would say ladies and gentlemen, but we all know it's not that simple.
02:27I'm Murray Hill.
02:28Please hold your applause till now.
02:30Anybody?
02:31Nobody?
02:32Oh, yeah.
02:33There's no audience.
02:35Welcome to a world of imagination, where each episode, two teams of your favorite drag queens
02:40compete to throw the best, funniest, most drag-tastic-themed dinner parties of their lives.
02:46In a show where nothing is quite as it seems.
02:50This is Drag Me to Dinner.
02:53These iconic queens will cook up fabulous food.
02:57You gotta lube it all up.
02:58Oh, s***.
02:59Oh, wow.
03:00Delicious cocktails.
03:02Okay, sorry.
03:04Oh!
03:06Transform these ordinary rooms.
03:08Blast out!
03:09It's party time!
03:12Into fantastical party venues.
03:16Yes.
03:17All that was silicone.
03:20And provide one night only entertainment for our judges.
03:23He once played Toto in a school production of Wizard of Oz, the multi-talented Neil Patrick
03:29Harris.
03:30It's all right.
03:30I was once a doctor.
03:32She's an expert on nothing, opinion on everything.
03:35Drag superstar Bianca Del Rio.
03:38I know you're gonna be shocked by this, but I'm a gay man.
03:40And from Broadway baby to leading lady, the funny and fabulous Hanifa Wood.
03:45There were lots of wieners.
03:46It was meaty.
03:47And helping the queens is life of the party, David Berka.
03:51So let the good times roll.
03:54But only one team will reign supreme.
03:56Carry on!
03:57Oh!
03:58And be awarded the glorious golden greater.
04:02Yes, that is!
04:03Yes, that is!
04:04And tonight, we're going to TV tropical.
04:08So let's meet tonight's teams.
04:13My name's Ben Wood Cram.
04:15All one word, no spaces.
04:17You might recognize me from some of my hit touring shows.
04:21Like, Ready to be Committed.
04:23Or the Jinx and Dale Holiday Show.
04:25Or, I don't know, a bunch of other stuff.
04:27I'm Jinx Monsoon.
04:29I'm an internationally tolerated comedian.
04:34Witch, cat mom, and homeowner.
04:39Hey everybody, it's me.
04:40Drop dead, gorgeous, larger than life, world famous drag superstar, Jackie B.
04:44I'm Sherry Vine, and I'm an international prostitute performer.
04:48We made the choice to be friends and not enemies, because it could have gone either way.
04:54It was going to be one or the other, let's be real.
04:56Jackie B and I met in West Hollywood in 1990.
05:01When I started doing drag, I couldn't just go watch a makeup tutorial on YouTube, because
05:05YouTube didn't exist.
05:06The internet didn't exist.
05:09Electricity didn't exist.
05:11I was a waiter for many, many, many years.
05:13You mean a waitress.
05:14Waitress, sorry.
05:15You're a waitress.
05:15I'm a waitress.
05:16I was a waitress.
05:17My favorite parties, you know, it's less about the party itself, but who I go home with
05:22after.
05:22If Jinx and I are doing a party together, I assume there's some keys going in a bowl.
05:28I eat a lot, and Sherry drinks a lot, and a dinner party is eating and drinking, so, you
05:33know, hello.
05:34Perfect.
05:35We've got this in the bag.
05:36Totally.
05:37Get out of here, Queens!
05:50Oh, my.
05:53Hi, Mary.
05:53Look at you, a sight for sore eyes, and boy, do I mean that.
05:58Now, what have you been doing to prepare for the big, big competition?
06:02Oh, nothing.
06:02Nothing at all.
06:03You know, we're going to have to mix drinks, right?
06:06So, I've been drinking a lot.
06:09And I didn't prepare at all.
06:10You didn't.
06:11No, no, no, no.
06:11We're all too stoned to get anything done.
06:17All right, Jackie and Sherry, do you know why you're here today?
06:20To be more famous.
06:22All right.
06:22It's so great to have you all here.
06:25Now, listen, before we begin, is there anything you both wanted to get off your chest, but
06:29you waited until we got to a cooking show to say?
06:31I, it just, it's amazing to be in front of two living legends, and standing here like this, it's just
06:37like looking into some kind of horrible mirror.
06:40This is your future.
06:42I hope you two can stay successful in this business long enough to hate it as much as Sherry and
06:47I do.
06:49Words to live by, but of course, no dinner party would be complete without a fantastic theme, and who doesn't
06:56love a theme, right?
06:57So, with all the dirty details, please welcome the expert, the life of the party, David Berka.
07:05Oh, hey.
07:06Thank you, Murray.
07:07How are you?
07:08You look great.
07:09Thank you, and aloha, ladies.
07:11Oh.
07:12Oh, aloha.
07:13Tonight's theme is tropical kiki.
07:17And remember, queens, the judges will be focusing on your food and drink, design and decor, and entertainment and overall
07:24vibe.
07:25And there's so much to be inspired by.
07:27You could include rum-based punch, flaming bamboo torches, umbrella-filled drinks carved out in coconuts, hula skirts, and table
07:35skirts.
07:35The possibilities are endless, and if you want to feel like you want to give up, don't worry.
07:39Each team will have two handy helpers to assist.
07:42And you better stay focused, because you'll have to complete an all in a tightly edited package.
07:47What?
07:48Where can I sign for this package?
07:50And she'd also like to know what you mean by tight.
07:52You can all find out that in my dressing room.
07:55Oh, okay.
07:56All right, queens.
07:57If you dazzle our judges the most, a spectacular bounty of prizes will be yours, including these beauties.
08:05A baby bottle full of babies.
08:07A nut sack.
08:08Tuck tape.
08:09A Cher cootery board.
08:11A bathtub of butter.
08:13Ode to Harry Styles.
08:1455 gallons of lube.
08:16A high-five from Bianca Del Rio herself.
08:19All the crackers you can carry.
08:21And the grandest prize of them all.
08:24The glorious Golden Grater.
08:26Because one team is great, but the other is greater.
08:33All right, let's start the clock and release the queens.
08:37Oh, my God.
08:39Move, bitch.
08:40You have 90 minutes left.
08:45All right.
08:47What is this?
08:47Okay, so it's a tropical kiki, full-on paradise.
08:52How about some, um, like, some decorative, uh, floral stuff?
08:57Okay, we're gonna be marooned.
08:59Okay, we're gonna be marooned.
09:00Desert island.
09:02Dessert island.
09:03Dessert island.
09:04So if we're on an island, we need to make it look like we're out of doors.
09:06So we gotta surround it with the ocean.
09:08Okay.
09:09And then, um, we should have some sand and stuff.
09:11And some foliage.
09:12Obviously.
09:13What are we cooking?
09:14Oh, my God.
09:15Let's do a volcano.
09:17Volcano!
09:18Out of the volcano would ooze instead of lava.
09:22Yeah.
09:22Cheese sauce.
09:23Ah, cheese.
09:26Why cheese?
09:27Cheese is delicious, and it's low-carb, Sherry.
09:30It is?
09:31When was the last time you ate?
09:33Wait.
09:37When did we meet?
09:39Shut up.
09:40On this island, you're gonna have tons of crabs.
09:42Don't you know how trickering that is for me?
09:44I'm sorry.
09:45You can toss the salad, uh, um...
09:48Fish in the, you know, the water.
09:49Fish in the sun.
09:50Aren't there boars on an island?
09:52Sliders!
09:53Yes.
09:53People freaking go nuts for f***ing sliders!
09:57We need to do a poo-poo platter.
09:59Oh!
09:59It means finger foods.
10:01Oh!
10:01I like fingering.
10:02Things on skewers.
10:04Because at a party, you want to seductively feed somebody, you know?
10:08I like the way you're thinking now.
10:09What if we make, like, a sand castle, and then we eat it?
10:13Mm-hmm.
10:13This is the, um...
10:16Well, you know what this is.
10:18Have you ever gotten sand in your mouth, though?
10:20Or, like, you know, other unspeakable places?
10:23It's murder.
10:24Well, let's find out if the judges die.
10:27Um...
10:27These contestants, I don't know how much time they have spent in the kitchen.
10:31So everyone knows Jackie and Sherry are two massive icons in the drag community.
10:36From their show-stopping hysterical stage performances to TV and film appearances,
10:40these two are fierce and fabulous drag legends.
10:44They're gonna be real tough to beat tonight.
10:46Jackie, I found this material!
10:50Oh, my God!
10:50You needed some new material, bitch!
10:52It's kind of reminiscent of, like, the Golden Girls.
10:55This will be the tablecloth.
10:56Yes, this will be the tablecloth.
10:58That's what you call a piece of fabric that you put on a table.
11:01That's tiki.
11:03It's festive.
11:04It's fun.
11:04It's colorful.
11:05Let's just go mad with it.
11:08Dala, they've already got a tablecloth.
11:10Over here, we have Benda LaCreme and Jinx Monsoon.
11:13These queens have toured the world together in hilarious comedy drag shows,
11:17and their holiday special is always the hottest ticket in town.
11:21But can they throw dinner parties?
11:24We'll see.
11:25Make sure it's well hung, Sherry.
11:26Girl, I always do.
11:28It's too high!
11:30If only we had a couple of helpers!
11:33If only we had a couple of helpers!
11:34Ding-ding!
11:35Ding-ding!
11:35We're ready for helpers!
11:37I come in!
11:38Hey, thank you!
11:40How are you guys?
11:41You guys do this.
11:42I can't handle it.
11:43Do this.
11:44What are we doing?
11:45Oh, yeah.
11:49Now do that to us.
11:50Yeah.
11:51Okay.
11:54Well, if I wasn't tucked before...
11:59Now, I think it needs to go a little bit more that way,
12:02because the sun's gonna be problematic with my eyes,
12:04so let's try it a little further to the right.
12:05Yeah, that looks good.
12:07Yeah, let's see.
12:08Okay.
12:08Okay.
12:09Ooh, now that you put it down,
12:12I think it needs to go a little more to the left.
12:15You're right.
12:16I appreciate you.
12:17Let's do it!
12:18Thank you guys so much.
12:20Oh, gosh.
12:21Okay, ladies.
12:22Okay.
12:22So you have one hour remaining.
12:25In that time, you have to complete your food and drinks,
12:28decorate your rooms,
12:29and decide how you're gonna entertain the judges.
12:32The clock is ticking!
12:34So snap to it!
12:35Chap-chap!
12:36Get down to brass tacks.
12:37Okay.
12:37We need to make a cocktail.
12:38Oh, thank God.
12:39I've been waiting all day.
12:40Not for you, for the guests.
12:41All right.
12:42But my favorite cocktail?
12:44Chardonnay out of a box.
12:46Well, that's not very fancy.
12:47It's delicious.
12:48People love Chardonnay.
12:50We'll put it in hollowed-out pineapples.
12:54Gorgeous idea.
12:55You go to the bar and get the Chardonnay.
12:57Okay.
12:58Hi, Murray.
12:59How are ya?
13:00Well, I gotta get some Chardonnay over here.
13:04Oh, crap.
13:04Sherry's at the bar.
13:06There's not gonna be anything left.
13:07Just get one of everything.
13:09That's what I do every time I go to the liquor store.
13:12And this is for me for after the show.
13:14Murray, can you reach that for me?
13:16Yeah.
13:17Ugh.
13:18You got the boxed wine?
13:19Yeah, right here.
13:20Boxed wine is...
13:22Look at this.
13:23Look how butch I am.
13:24Oh, my God.
13:25Look at her go.
13:26Yes, Queen.
13:28Yes.
13:29Jackie, sometimes you impress me.
13:32Yay!
13:33Come on, white wine.
13:34La-la-la-la-la-la.
13:35Yeah.
13:36What are we making?
13:38Long Island's an island, right?
13:40Desert Island iced tea.
13:42Exactly.
13:43All right.
13:44Stand back.
13:45I have to do math.
13:46Clear the area.
13:47You're stressing me out.
13:48Everybody stand back.
13:49Dayla's gotta do something.
13:51One of those.
13:52One of these.
14:01Let's just try the table.
14:02Now, we have to center the table according to that so that I can put my feet on it when
14:05I'm reading my script.
14:06Come on!
14:06It's just a table.
14:07We're doing the table.
14:08We're doing the table.
14:09A little more to the right.
14:10My right, this way.
14:11Yeah, let's see how that looks.
14:12Not that far.
14:14You can see she's in the rack.
14:15You guys, we have a show to do right now.
14:1830 minutes to go.
14:20Sherry, you having a good time talking to the helpers?
14:23Yes, I am.
14:24Do your job.
14:25We have these here things that one makes sandcastles out of.
14:29See?
14:30And we're gonna shove sand in here, but it's cake.
14:32Don't worry.
14:32We need to move a little faster.
14:34I'm making the buttercream here.
14:36Start cooking, bitch.
14:39We're already blending.
14:40All right.
14:41Wait a minute.
14:42Ready?
14:43I'm gonna go out.
14:43It doesn't look like Day Love blended very well.
14:46Oh, we're talking about their food, not their makeup.
14:48Okay.
14:49We didn't all get a new face this year, Jackie.
14:51Oh!
14:53That was private!
14:54Oh, good one!
14:56You think it's becoming frosting.
14:58It really is just butter and sugar, huh?
15:01I guess.
15:02This is the first time I've really cooked.
15:04Do-do-do-do-do-do, I'm making a sandcastle.
15:07And this is the song that I'm writing about it, but it has no tune because of legal.
15:11This is looking kind of cakey.
15:13Uh.
15:15Wow.
15:16I think I got cake in my bra.
15:23All right.
15:23Here's the volcano.
15:25Sue, maybe you should go back.
15:26Oh.
15:26And it goes like that, and then it goes.
15:27And then we will put the cheese sauce inside and it will ooze.
15:31Ooh.
15:32Ooh.
15:33God, it looks...
15:34I could throw up.
15:34Okay.
15:35Sherry, darling, we're on a cooking show.
15:37Looking down at what we're making and saying I would rather vomit is probably not a good idea.
15:44I'm not here to move the furniture in your dressing room.
15:47I am.
15:48I want to help her out.
15:50You are.
15:52Go left.
15:53Okay, my left or his left?
15:55Left.
15:55Left.
15:56Okay.
15:56One, two, three.
15:58Whoa!
15:59Was that your balls?
16:00That was my balls.
16:01It was my balls, too.
16:02I'm sorry.
16:03I'm sorry.
16:04I'm sorry.
16:05Looks great.
16:06Okay.
16:07Thanks, guys.
16:08I need to go to crafty.
16:09Mother .
16:11No one's told you today.
16:13You're both special.
16:15Queens!
16:16I've got a trivia question for you.
16:19Trivia!
16:20It's trivia time!
16:22Somebody spent 24 hours making that card.
16:25Get ready.
16:25Come on.
16:26You like trivia.
16:27Now, whichever team shouts out the correct answer,
16:29will get an extra hand from our expert, David Berka.
16:33Okay.
16:34Oh, God.
16:34I need help.
16:35And the other team will get an assist from Sue Chef, David's aunt.
16:40Here we go.
16:42What type of food holds the record for being most stolen around the globe?
16:49Spam!
16:50No!
16:51Pepperoni!
16:52No!
16:55Sausage!
16:56No!
16:56Steak!
16:57No!
16:59Okay.
17:00I'm going to give you some hints.
17:01I'm full of...
17:02Shit!
17:03No!
17:05Balloon!
17:06Ham!
17:08Cheese!
17:09That's right!
17:10Jake's got it and also startled the hot helpers.
17:13It's time to get a special tip from David.
17:17All right.
17:17So, you earned some help from me.
17:19So, let's get in here.
17:20Cool.
17:20Can you make this?
17:21The main thing...
17:21I'm not going to make it for you, but I'm going to help you.
17:23So, you're going to line this.
17:25Yes.
17:25The best thing about it is getting the right consistency here.
17:28Does this look consistent?
17:31I think that's a little too mushy.
17:33So, let's get a little mushy.
17:35Do you have more cake?
17:36Where's your cake?
17:36Yeah.
17:36Yeah, we got all the cake in the wazoo.
17:38You're going to need a lot more cake.
17:40This is exactly how you make cake pops.
17:41Is it?
17:42You don't want it too crumbly, but you don't want it too wet.
17:44Okay.
17:44Okay?
17:45Well, you know, wetter's always better, David.
17:47Well, in some cases.
17:49Let's see if it works.
17:51All right.
17:53Oh, my God.
17:54Look at...
17:54Thank you, David.
17:56Thank you, Sophie.
17:56You're like family here.
17:59Abandonza.
18:01Bonchavella.
18:01Did someone say poo-poo platter?
18:03Oh!
18:05Uh-oh.
18:06It's sous chef.
18:07You need some help?
18:08Yes.
18:09Never beer sous chef is here.
18:11Yes, Sue.
18:12Sue.
18:12Okay, how can I help here?
18:14Well...
18:15Oh, I see.
18:16Oh, Sue.
18:17Oh, the sea daisy poop.
18:19Oh, I love little wieners.
18:21I'm not a fan of little wieners.
18:23Okay, we'll shred some cheese here.
18:25I cut my hand.
18:26I cut my hand.
18:27Oh!
18:28Okay, okay.
18:29It's all right.
18:30I got medical!
18:31Sue!
18:31Oh, my God.
18:32Sue, get Sue help!
18:33Sue, chef is out of her mind.
18:36Wipe the blood off the cheese.
18:38Four minutes to go.
18:42What's going on?
18:43I'm gonna make some...
18:44What are these things?
18:45Fruit.
18:46Fruit skewers.
18:48I'm furious right now.
18:50I just looked over and saw what they're doing.
18:52They're doing well, huh?
18:53Pull it together.
18:55We gotta make the thing.
18:56I know, I know.
18:57We're raising the cloth.
18:58You love wieners and balls.
19:00I sure do.
19:01And that's gonna go on the pee-pee platter?
19:03There's a poo-poo platter.
19:04That's disgusting.
19:07Queens, you have to be inside your dining room when the curtains are closed.
19:10And they are closing in 30 seconds.
19:13What?
19:17Take this.
19:18Take the cheese sauce.
19:19Take the cheese sauce.
19:23Five.
19:27What?
19:28What is wrong with you?
19:31Ten.
19:33Nine.
19:34Eight.
19:36Seven.
19:36Seven.
19:36Oh, this is stressful.
19:37Six.
19:38Five.
19:39Four.
19:40Three.
19:41Two.
19:43One.
19:44Jackie.
19:47Time's up, Queens.
19:48Oh, my God.
19:49You are dumb.
19:50Way to work it out in heels.
19:52And in your case, Jackie, orthopedics.
19:54These Queens have done all they can.
19:56And now they better get ready to host because it's party time.
20:06Drag made country night.
20:10Well, we're about to venture into our first tropical kiki.
20:13But before we do, let's meet our judges.
20:16She's the star of stage, screen, and my favorite judger on the panel.
20:21It's Hanifa Wood.
20:23Hey, Murray.
20:24Looking good.
20:25By the way, you left your cufflinks on my night stain.
20:27Oh, thanks.
20:27Did you happen to see my inhaler?
20:29No, I didn't see your inhaler.
20:31Show this.
20:31Okay.
20:33Our next judger is a comedian, fashion expert, and once took down a bison with her bare hands.
20:39Please welcome America's favorite erotic clown, Bianca Del Rio.
20:45Hi, Murray.
20:46How are you?
20:46Excited to be here?
20:47Oh, I was excited until I saw the contestants.
20:51Showbiz.
20:52And he's hosted major award shows, performed on Broadway, and now he's the executive producer of a cooking drag show.
21:00Say hello to Neil Patrick Harris.
21:03Hey.
21:04Thanks, Murray.
21:04You're really doing an average job this episode.
21:06Oh, good.
21:06It matches my pay.
21:09Showbiz.
21:10Well, I know I speak for all of us when I say, let's hit this first dinner party at Kiki.
21:16Tropically.
21:17Now, judges, please go meet David at the party door.
21:20Come on.
21:20Come on.
21:20Come on.
21:20Come on.
21:22Okay.
21:23It's the moment we've all been waiting for.
21:26Tonight's first dinner party.
21:28And with a little television magic, I give you Jinx, Monsoon, and Benda LeCreme in Shipwrecked.
21:51Jinx, when are our unexpected guests going to arrive that we're not expecting?
21:56They're here.
21:57Oh, my goodness.
21:59Hello.
22:00Hello.
22:01Welcome to our desert island.
22:03Don't mind Captain Phillips.
22:05We got into a little fight earlier, and he's been a little cold and withholding.
22:09But, you know, a bone's a bone, so.
22:12Where did you get your inspiration?
22:14Well, islands exist.
22:18Great.
22:20Anyway, I'm going to be right where the action is, because I'm the captain now.
22:25Well, as you know, we crashed on this desert island quite a few years ago, and so we're
22:29just having to make do with the things that we can find around the islands.
22:32It's a funny story.
22:33We were performing on the ship, you know, performers that we are, and suddenly the captain,
22:39Captain Phillips, became distracted by the lovely siren song of Murdan.
22:47Okay.
22:48Also, I was blowing him at the time.
22:50Shoot.
22:50That explains the sound of fear.
22:55So, if you'd like to open your menus, you each have a message in a bottle, which will
23:01tell you what we're eating today.
23:03On your menu, you have quite a few selections from the locally sourced pineapples.
23:11There's these lovely sliders.
23:13Wild boar sliders.
23:15Where'd you get buns from?
23:16On the island.
23:17We found a wheat deposit, you know, over in the Oasis.
23:22And then, um, yeast.
23:26Well, don't ask where I got the yeast.
23:30We have a beautiful crab salad on a banana leaf.
23:33We smell it.
23:34We have some, that's Jinx.
23:36Yeah.
23:37Radio, would you mind serving up some of the crab salad?
23:40Solid.
23:41Solid segue, Jinx.
23:42Okay.
23:43Is this food actually edible?
23:44All of it's edible.
23:46Okay.
23:46Can you tell us what you put in the crab salad?
23:48Crab.
23:49Oh.
23:49In the salad.
23:51Great.
23:52It's perfect, because as soon as we got to the island, we were like, well, what are
23:55we gonna eat?
23:55And then Jinx was like, I have crabs, so.
23:58Oh, perfect.
23:59Did the crabs go away?
24:00Well, they don't have razors on the island, do they?
24:03They?
24:03The ambiguous they?
24:05Are there other people on the island?
24:07No.
24:07Listen, there were.
24:11Oh!
24:12We're having fun.
24:13Aren't we having fun?
24:14Are we?
24:15Do you have any questions about the food other than, is it edible?
24:19Because we're pretty sure.
24:20Can you tell us a little bit about this sandcastle?
24:23Oh, yes.
24:24Bravo.
24:25Yeah, this is something.
24:26It's something.
24:27So, essentially, we took a bunch of sheet cake, and then we fill in the sandcastle molds.
24:34With our bare hands.
24:35Yeah, and there you have it.
24:36Well, I think it's beautiful.
24:38Oh, it's edible on this island.
24:41Well, anything's edible.
24:43If you put it in your mouth and eat it.
24:45Yeah.
24:45If I had a nickel.
24:46Should we do that again and not talk over each other?
24:49Well, everything's edible.
24:54Are you gonna do it?
24:55Well...
24:55I didn't know who was taking it.
24:57I liked your punchline better.
24:58Well, everything's edible.
25:00If you eat it.
25:02Mmm.
25:03May I try some?
25:05Well, by all means.
25:06Are you ready for dessert?
25:07You haven't finished your all of that.
25:09How much would you say you weigh?
25:12Um...
25:12In stones?
25:14Oh...
25:15Are we in the UK?
25:17We're on an island.
25:19Oh!
25:20Yeah!
25:21Right!
25:22Island!
25:24Yeah.
25:24165 soaking wet.
25:26Cake?
25:26Oh, gosh.
25:27That'll last weeks.
25:29Well, 165.
25:29There's a lot of butter in this.
25:30We can get...
25:30Yeah, we're gonna get you a big piece of cake.
25:33You first, baby.
25:34Oh!
25:39You proud of it?
25:40Mm-hmm.
25:40Mm-hmm.
25:41It tastes like exactly what it is.
25:46You know, it's not dry at all.
25:48Well, that's because I put my fingers in it.
25:51Where were your fingers prior to that?
25:54You wanna feel that one, Murdan?
25:58There we are.
25:59Such big pieces.
26:00Really fill up on that, little chip.
26:02Oh, thank you.
26:03Yeah, you're looking a little overly slender for our kids.
26:06You know, they didn't say that about me at all.
26:07They did not.
26:08Sounds like some racist s***.
26:11You like that cake?
26:13I love it.
26:14The secret ingredient is cake.
26:17Hanifa, you're overly slender.
26:19Oh, thank you.
26:20Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:20So eat.
26:21They keep talking about our weight.
26:25I'm feeling a little uncomfortable right now.
26:28It's the cake.
26:29It's funny you mention that,
26:30cuz it looks like the sun's setting!
26:34Wow!
26:36And you know, there's no better way to digest
26:38than with a little night music, don't you think?
26:42Please don't let us stop your eating.
26:43No, no, no. Please, carry on.
26:46Murdan, do you...
26:47Oh!
26:47That f***ing rock.
26:49Do you wanna just try that cross again?
26:51No!
26:52No.
26:52I wanna keep it.
26:54Okay, great.
26:56Well, so we've told them all a little bit
26:59about how we got here and everything else,
27:01and I don't know,
27:03maybe we should just provide a little entertainment.
27:05We've had a lot of time to song write while we've been here.
27:07Oh, yeah.
27:07Entertainment, yay!
27:08Yay, lucky us.
27:12Shipwrecked on this desert isle.
27:14We've been here a while.
27:16It's rough.
27:17We so seldom have a guest appear.
27:20We're so happy you've joined us here.
27:25So sit back and relax.
27:28Cause stress makes you stringy and tough.
27:31And we've run out of our supplies.
27:34So we must improvise.
27:39We fed you the last of our crew and our captain.
27:42We hope you've enjoyed the snack.
27:45Cause the slider inside is a sailor named Taylor.
27:49Not more, in fact.
27:52We fatten you up.
27:53Clean your plate.
27:54Lift your cup.
27:55We wish to thank you all much.
27:58Cause your meat we can eat for a week's worth of dinner and lunch.
28:03Breakfast and Sunday brunch.
28:08No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
28:11No, no, no, no, no.
28:11No, no, no, no, no.
28:15All right, our second dinner party is moments away.
28:22Drag me to dinner.
28:26It was a fun party.
28:28It was fun.
28:29Those girls were me.
28:32Do we know where we're going?
28:33I think so.
28:33This way.
28:37I'm not that good of an actor.
28:42Okay, it's time for tonight's second dinner party starring Sherry Vine, Jackie B in Cougars Gone Coconuts.
29:02Well, our decoration looks gorgeous.
29:04And the food smells delicious.
29:07Am I going through menopause?
29:08Is it really hot in here?
29:09Well, I turned the heat up because it's supposed to be a tropical climate.
29:12Well, can we at least take off these hot capes?
29:14If we're going to take off the hot capes, we're going to need our hot helpers.
29:18Oh, yes.
29:20There they are.
29:21Could you help me, please?
29:23Oh.
29:25Better?
29:26No, I'm still really hot.
29:31Thank you, boys.
29:33That's called a reveal.
29:35I think we should take this opportunity to relax a little.
29:38Yes.
29:38We've earned it.
29:40And it gives us a chance to show off these very expensive matching shoes we had made.
29:50Oh, shit, they're here.
29:53Hi.
29:54Oh, my gosh.
29:55You look beautiful.
29:57Welcome.
29:57Come in.
29:58Have a seat.
29:59You guys really pulled this together at the last moment.
30:02We sure did.
30:03We really did.
30:04Now, before we start, we would like to introduce you to two very special guests sitting at the table.
30:08They are our tropical pets.
30:12And get this.
30:14They talk.
30:15Oh, stupid bitch.
30:18Okay.
30:19So who's drinking alcohol?
30:21That would be me.
30:22I know you.
30:23This is sex on the beach.
30:25It's really just boxed white wine and a hollowed out pineapple.
30:29But every time Sherry has one, she ends up having sex on the beach.
30:34Now, does anybody, like myself, not drink?
30:38Because where's my camera?
30:40Kids, it's cool not to drink.
30:42Don't feel peer pressure, even though Sherry's always like, have a drink, bitch.
30:45You need to relax.
30:47Does anyone else like?
30:48I don't drink.
30:49Okay, great.
30:50And neither do I.
30:50Okay, this is my non-alcoholic sex on the beach called Just Friends on the Beach.
30:57Isn't that nice?
30:58So stop flirting, bitch.
31:00I have a bigger problem.
31:01My pineapple is leaking.
31:03Oh, that'll happen at a certain age.
31:09Now, have you guys worked up an appetite?
31:12Yes!
31:13Let's get those meatballs.
31:15Help yourself to some of our poo-poo platters.
31:19Oh, that looks disgusting.
31:24Well, I would like to point out that this no real poo-poo went into the making of these
31:29poo-poo platters.
31:30Anyway, please eat up.
31:31I hope you guys are hungry.
31:33You didn't by any chance just come from another dinner party, did you?
31:35What?
31:36No.
31:36You put everything on skewers so you can erotically feed it to your table mate.
31:41Let's say you've been in a monotonous relationship for years and you need to do kinky stuff like
31:46that to keep it, you know, fresh and alive.
31:49There you go.
31:50Eat that fruit.
31:51Remember, the camera adds 10 pounds.
31:55Yes, but how many cameras are on Jackie right now?
31:59Okay, I'm going to kill and eat that bird.
32:02They're quite rude.
32:03They are really, yes.
32:05I don't know where they get it from.
32:06Don't know where they get it from.
32:11Now, we have saved the climax for last.
32:15Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the most dramatic part of the evening.
32:19One of you is a murderer.
32:25Just kidding.
32:26It was a volcano.
32:29Yes, Sherry, if you would do the honors and remove the top of our virtual Vesuvius of dairy products.
32:36No way!
32:38Hot cheese that you can dip any of your delicious items, including the fruit.
32:43You'd be surprised.
32:44Really?
32:44A salty and a sweet.
32:45But it doesn't just sit there waiting for you to dip it.
32:50Oh, no.
32:51Ladies and gentlemen, get ready.
32:57It's amazing.
32:59Oh, wow.
33:01Jackie, you've outdone yourself.
33:03Wait, we're going to have to switch out now.
33:05Does it slowly warm?
33:06Is anyone in charge here?
33:07Oh, I hear people talking.
33:08The blurb, yeah.
33:10The volcano.
33:11Okay.
33:12Ooh.
33:14Jackie.
33:15Oh.
33:15President Carter.
33:16Okay.
33:17Oh.
33:18Here we go.
33:19Oh!
33:21She's lava!
33:22Yeah!
33:24How amazing.
33:26The story of my sex life.
33:28This is like the penis enlarger I bought.
33:31It doesn't even work.
33:32Luckily, to save this party, we're going to do a little show just for you.
33:37No!
33:37Yes!
33:38A tropical show.
33:40Oh, don't make me sing.
33:42Say please.
33:44Please.
33:46Hit it!
33:49My name's Jackie.
33:50And my name's Sherry.
33:51We're a whole lot of tacky with a splash of scary.
33:53But like that song, we will survive.
33:55We deserve respect for still being alive.
33:57There may be dust in our wigs.
34:00But please don't be judgmental, PIC.
34:02Because we're the best, and you know it.
34:04If we don't win, you're all clown-phobic.
34:06We're Numeral Uno.
34:07And we're Joe Bueno.
34:08Did anyone else make a f***ing volcano?
34:10Don't get it twisted.
34:11For your information, this is old-school drag, not appropriation.
34:20You guys, if I could get serious for just one moment.
34:23Now, I promised myself I wasn't going to do this.
34:25Thank God I'm wearing waterproof mascara and little L's.
34:28But I just want to say that the only thing better than throwing a successful dinner party like this
34:34is performing with this person right here.
34:37What?
34:38You lying bitch.
34:40Yesterday, I heard you tell your agent,
34:42please get me out of this upcoming tour with Sherry Vine.
34:45I'm sick of sharing the money with that no-talent whore.
34:49Plus, she's driving me crazy.
34:50And I'm literally afraid I might kill her.
34:53Sprach!
34:54Sherry.
34:55Sherry.
34:58Well, thank you for being a friend, Jackie.
35:01Find out what our judges really thought in a moment.
35:06Drag me to dinner.
35:10Let's get judgy.
35:13All right.
35:13Our first party was Shipwreck Island.
35:16Neil, did you have a good time at the cruise party?
35:18Yes.
35:19Ben de la Creme and Jinx Monsoon made me smile.
35:22I didn't know what to expect.
35:24We were suddenly on a shipwrecked island.
35:26This living room had been totally transformed.
35:28Every question that we posed at them, they had a response to.
35:31They were suddenly seasoning us.
35:33I suddenly realized as the evening went on that we were going to be the main courses.
35:37I really loved their food.
35:38Their signature dish was the sandcastle cake.
35:40Oh.
35:41And they mixed the dry cake with the frosting.
35:44And their consistency of the cake was spot on.
35:47It didn't look too good, but it tasted amazing.
35:50So my wife says about me.
35:52Oh.
35:53We weren't supposed to laugh that hard.
35:55But can I talk about the performance, please?
35:56Yes.
35:57Please.
35:58They were in harmony with one another.
36:00I love their steps.
36:01It just was super professional.
36:02They were super talented.
36:03I really enjoyed myself with that.
36:05You know, they are a well-polished act.
36:06They know what they're doing.
36:07They know how to present something to an audience.
36:09And that is one of the things that I appreciate about drag queens.
36:12Because we don't get many live performers.
36:15We get lots of queens who are gorgeous in an Instagram photo.
36:17We get lots of people that say, hey, this is my thing.
36:20This is what I'm about.
36:21But there's two things that stank.
36:23The crab salad and that f***ing ukulele.
36:26All right.
36:26So Sherry and Jackie's Cougars Gone Coconuts.
36:30What did you think?
36:31The volcano of cheese made me laugh.
36:33The fact that it was supposed to erupt.
36:35And it was a little, like, percolating.
36:38Gurgly.
36:39So on the one hand, I was underwhelmed.
36:42And on the other hand, I think in their own way, that was intentional.
36:45And that part of their bit was this kind of golden girls, 80s sitcom vibe.
36:52And in that, they executed brilliantly.
36:54I think they were going for this cheese factor.
36:57I like something that makes a little more effort.
37:00Like, that you're going to have to put a little more effort into.
37:02I thought their fruit skewers were really delicious.
37:04She fancy.
37:05Yeah, real fancy.
37:06Hanifa, what did you think of the theme?
37:08Did you like that everything matched?
37:09I liked that the carpet matched the drapes.
37:12I really did.
37:13Their outfit matched the decor.
37:15I mean, a little cheesy, cheeky, sure.
37:18But they actually had a really good performance.
37:20I mean, it was a little creaky.
37:22That was just their knees.
37:24I will say, hearing your critique makes me like their party almost more.
37:31Because I think they were leaning into their strength.
37:34Listen, I've been known to fly high above other people and shit on them.
37:37So I can relate to the birds.
37:39I'm sorry, the birds really threw me off.
37:43I thought the birds were a nice way of bringing in the nastiness that you would assume you would expect
37:47from Jackie Beat and Sherry Vaughn.
37:49Or from you.
37:49That it...
37:50Oh.
37:51Wow.
37:52Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.
37:54All right.
37:55We had two great dinner parties.
37:57Do we have a front runner?
38:01This is a close one.
38:02I'm going to say it's me because I look like a horse.
38:05And hung like one, too.
38:07Hey!
38:08Oh my God.
38:09We're actually finally about to find out who won.
38:12Ladies, thank you so much for involuntarily inviting us into your fake homes.
38:17I gotta say, you all throw a great shindig.
38:20Unfortunately, while both of our teams had a lovely bunch of coconuts, there can only be one top banana.
38:29So now, the winners of the glorious golden grater are...
38:40Peaks Monsoon and Benda LaCrim!
38:46We did it.
38:47We did it.
38:48We did it.
38:51Oh my God.
38:52I have nothing prepared.
38:54Well, I just have so many people I want to thank.
38:57I mean, Dayla, obviously, I want to thank Dayla, Murray, Neal, David, and you were there, and you, oh, and
39:06Murdan, I think I'll miss you most of all.
39:08She really will.
39:09It's just so nice to finally win something.
39:13Dayla, do you have anything you want to say?
39:15No.
39:17All right, congratulations, Queens!
39:21Ladies, you finally made it into show business.
39:23And you got it!
39:27All right.
39:28Well, thanks for joining us.
39:29The step and repeat and the press tent awaits you.
39:31Now, come on, go, go, go.
39:32Beat it.
39:33Beat it.
39:34Don't put your mouth on it.
39:35It's filthy.
39:37Well, Jackie, Sherry, better luck next time.
39:41Well, let's be real.
39:42There probably won't be a next time.
39:43That's okay.
39:44We had so much fun today.
39:46And hey, they obviously need it more than we do.
39:49And you know what, Murray?
39:51You know what rhymes with sorry, you lose?
39:53Jackie, take off your shoes.
39:56Oh, yay!
39:57Go, let's go.
39:58Knock yourselves out.
40:02Are we allowed to do this?
40:04Thank you so much for joining us here on Drag Me to Dinner.
40:06I'm Murray Hill.
40:08Good night, pals.
40:09Showbiz.