- 2 days ago
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TVTranscript
00:07Okay, you guys, the shows have been great so far.
00:10But for this next one, I have a few notes.
00:11You really need to pull it together.
00:13Hanifa is crushing it.
00:14Bianca, hello.
00:15You need to calm it down.
00:17Your face looks like a rabid raccoon.
00:19Can you look more like a family-friendly raccoon?
00:22Murray, the queens are towering over you.
00:24For this next show, I would like you to please be taller.
00:27David, you're too handsome.
00:28It's distracting.
00:30I'm supposed to be the good-looking one, especially when you smile.
00:33So calm it down, all right?
00:34Have a good show, everybody.
00:37That was rough.
00:39To be fair, Murray.
00:40What?
00:41You could be taller.
00:42I'd take Viagra.
00:46Come join our parties, they live in room size.
00:51Where two teams of drag queens compete for the prize.
00:56Who won't be low and die?
01:00Drag me to dig now.
01:05Hello, misses, misters, and MXs.
01:08I'm your host, Murray Hill.
01:10Some people call me a living legend, but I think they're just surprised I'm still alive.
01:14Showbiz.
01:14Tonight, two teams of your favorite drag queens will go head-to-head to throw drag-tastic theme parties for
01:21our judges.
01:22The judges will be focusing on design and decor, food and drink, and entertainment and overall vibe.
01:28To decide which team is greater, so let's meet tonight's teams.
01:34Hello, I'm model actress Mattress Willem.
01:37Hi, my name's Alaska.
01:39We produce podcasts for LGBTQIA plus people.
01:45Hey, I'm Manila Luzon, and I am here to drag your ass to dinner.
01:50I am Latrice Groyal, the larger in charge, chunky yet funky, and we are serving up some chicken babies.
01:59I'm a good time gal.
02:01She's the international recording artist.
02:03But first time in the kitchen.
02:05I think there's creative juices flowing all over the place.
02:08So many juices, dripping, dripping.
02:11I'm confident that we have what it takes.
02:14We are not going to poison anyone today.
02:16I hope they have auto-tune in that kitchen, because I don't know how Manila's going to make it.
02:21I didn't come here to make friends.
02:23I came here to make dinner.
02:25Come on out, ladies!
02:30Ladies, come on out!
02:39Wow! Gorgeous! Great to see you!
02:42Latrice, do you plan on using a secret ingredient tonight?
02:45I absolutely do.
02:47But if I tell you, I have to kill you.
02:49Ha ha ha! Showbiz!
02:51Manila, what do you want your drag-me-to-dinner legacy to be?
02:55None of my friends got food poisoning.
02:57But my enemies...
02:59Uh-oh.
03:00I don't know.
03:00Ooh, you are coming to play!
03:03Alaska, would you say you're good at throwing dinner parties?
03:05No, but I'm really good at throwing tantrums.
03:08Ha ha ha!
03:08Can we see one right now?
03:14Ha ha!
03:15Willem, uh, how do you think you have the upper hand on the other team?
03:18Honey, it's all hands on deck!
03:20Whoa!
03:21Ho ho!
03:22Two upper hands!
03:23Ha ha ha!
03:24So, what do you think of your opposition tonight?
03:26I think the ladies look gorgeous, and I hope you win.
03:29I don't believe you.
03:31Ha ha ha!
03:32Ha ha ha!
03:32The shade is starting early.
03:34Wow!
03:35And, of course, no dinner party would be complete without a theme.
03:38And here to talk about tonight's, please welcome resident expert and the life of the party, David Berka!
03:45Oh!
03:46Oh!
03:49Yeah!
03:49Yeah!
03:50Oh!
03:50Oh!
03:51Yeah!
03:51Hey, Murray!
03:51Hello, ladies!
03:53Hi!
03:54Order in the court, because tonight's theme is divorce party!
04:01Oh!
04:03And keep in mind, our judges will be paying attention to food and drink, design and decor,
04:09and entertainment and overall vibe.
04:11While some might say divorce is no reason to throw a party, I disagree.
04:16Throw a damn party!
04:17So, make a strong cocktail while reminiscing about your ex's flaws, indulge in your favorite
04:23comfort foods while signing up for dating apps.
04:26After all, you deserve happiness.
04:28If you feel like you want to give up, don't worry.
04:30You'll both have a handy helper to assist you.
04:32What?
04:32All right, ladies, are you ready to join the first Queen's Club and try to impress our
04:37judges?
04:37Yes.
04:38Yeah!
04:38Because if you do, then fabulous prizes await you, like these.
04:43A baby bottle full of babies, a nut sack, duct tape, Bidet Davis, a bathtub of butter,
04:50Ode to Harry Styles, 55 gallons of lube, a high five from Bianca Del Rio herself, all
04:57the crackers you can carry, and the grandest prize of them all, the glorious,
05:02golden greater, because one team is great, but the other is greater.
05:09Okay!
05:10Are you ready to get this party started?
05:12Yeah!
05:13Start the clock and release the Queens!
05:16Get out of my way!
05:17Oh, scurvy bitch!
05:20You have 90 minutes to finish the challenge.
05:23First thing first, girl, let's change these shoes, girl.
05:25Good girl, who cooking high heel shoes?
05:27We have drag royalty in the kitchen today.
05:32That's how my husband wants it, me barefoot in the kitchen.
05:36And pregnant?
05:37Latrice and Emily.
05:38They're very popular Queens.
05:40They met on TV, and they forged a friendship.
05:44They're called Latrilla when they're together.
05:46Latrilla?
05:47Yeah, like that's how close they're.
05:48They got their own name when they're together.
05:49They got their own code name.
05:50We could get down to business.
05:51Alaska and Willem, also very, very, very close friends.
05:55They were in a girl group called the Triple A Girls with Courtney Act.
05:59Oh, wow.
06:00And they also, because they're singers.
06:03You know what, David?
06:04You could always use an extra hand in the kitchen.
06:07Oh!
06:08Oh, be careful.
06:09There's a lighting fixture above you.
06:10Oh, I'm used to having balls in my face.
06:12This is fine.
06:13I don't want nothing that's coming out that kitchen over there.
06:16Not a damn time.
06:17Divorce, divorce.
06:18Okay.
06:18Ever been to a divorce party?
06:19Yeah, mine.
06:20About six times.
06:21Oh!
06:21Where would you be celebrating a divorce?
06:23At your divorce lawyer's office?
06:24That's where you go.
06:25Like a boardroom kind of setting.
06:27What if we, like, cut the room in half?
06:29His and his.
06:30Or hers and hers.
06:31Yeah.
06:32One side of the room needs to be very luxe and fancy.
06:35Looking like a million bucks.
06:36Yeah.
06:37And then the other half of the room will be, like, what he's left with.
06:40And it'll be, like...
06:41Paltry.
06:41I want to take the drywall.
06:43Like, I want to clean him out, honey.
06:45Oh, yeah.
06:45I want everything.
06:46Okay, my famous divorcee is Ivanka Trump.
06:49Oh, yeah.
06:50I'm going to be Elizabeth Taylor.
06:51What we cooking, though?
06:53Divorces sometimes are what?
06:54Messy.
06:55And bitter.
06:56Bitter.
06:56So let's do a lemon pepper roasted chicken, bitch.
07:00I love me some lemon pepper.
07:02Lemon pepper.
07:03What are they doing?
07:04I don't know.
07:05We need to crack down because they're already ahead of us.
07:07This challenge is time, David.
07:09I know.
07:10I don't know if they quite realize that.
07:11We don't have them all day.
07:13Oh.
07:14So I'm thinking, like, some vegetables.
07:17A little coda tray?
07:18Yes.
07:18With dip.
07:20Because he dipped out on the marriage.
07:23We've got to chuck some corn.
07:24Corn?
07:24Corn?
07:25Get the corn so we can chuck it.
07:26I thought of that first.
07:28Why, I order?
07:30I don't think Alaska has moved yet.
07:33She has sat there for the last 20 minutes.
07:36For dessert, I'm thinking a divorce cake.
07:39Something to celebrate a new beginning.
07:43I'm here for it.
07:44Oh, divorce.
07:45A split.
07:46Banana split.
07:47What about a custard?
07:48Oh, yeah.
07:49A joint custardy agreement.
07:50Pies.
07:51Don't get mad.
07:51Get everything.
07:52Bagel bites.
07:54You're good at this.
07:55Girl, we love it.
07:55I have this idea for a drink.
07:57Okay.
07:57What is it?
07:58It's straight liquor.
07:59Oh, good.
08:00When you're going through a divorce, you need something to numb the pain.
08:04A great mocktail would be, like, something with fiber, because you want to be ready for
08:08new opportunities now that you're divorced.
08:10And the more fiber...
08:11Bottoming.
08:11Uh-huh.
08:12So fiber teeny with some tropical flair, because, you know, sometimes you need a getaway after
08:16a divorce.
08:17I found some diplomas.
08:18Oh.
08:19It's so tall and high.
08:21Yeah.
08:21We need some...
08:22We need some help.
08:24We're ready for helpers.
08:26We rock!
08:27Oh.
08:28Oh, yes.
08:28Look what I found in the closet.
08:30Oh.
08:31Oh, a big, strong man.
08:33What's up?
08:34I brought you some.
08:34Look at this.
08:35Hi.
08:35Hi, Gustavo.
08:37These are so we don't dirty our outfits.
08:39What do you think will look good on me, other than you?
08:42Oh.
08:43Oh, I like him.
08:45Look at those shoulders.
08:46Mm-mm.
08:46Mm-mm.
08:47I don't know.
08:48I mean, go on a date with him, but I wouldn't want to spend the rest of the life.
08:50Mm-mm.
08:50Okay, fine.
08:51Fine, fine.
08:52Ooh, what about this when his mom is in the picture?
08:54That's not his mother.
08:55That's his dog.
08:56Swipe away from the...
08:58It's so much easier with the gays.
08:59We just go grinder, suck it, lick it, touch it, then move on.
09:03Oh, God.
09:03Queens, you have one hour remaining.
09:06What?
09:07What?
09:08One hour.
09:09One hour?
09:10Before your divorces are finalized and time is up, you need to finish all food and drinks,
09:15decorate for your parties, and prepare to entertain the judges.
09:18Come on, let's go.
09:20Pick up the pace, ladies.
09:21Yeah, definitely wash this one.
09:23We'll cut.
09:26They're cooking already.
09:30Sometimes, when you are in a relationship that you've committed all this time, money,
09:34and had to deal with their mother-in-law.
09:38Oh, right.
09:40Sometimes...
09:41I think I might let you just handle the vegetables, Dan, because you seem to need to get some things
09:48out.
09:48I don't see whipped cream in the refrigerator, Willem.
09:51We have to whip it ourselves.
09:52We're about halfway through the challenge, and Willem and Alaska finally have entered
09:57the kitchen.
09:59That's it.
09:59Right on cue.
10:01That doesn't look like whipped cream.
10:02It's getting thicker.
10:03It just takes a minute.
10:04You complaining is not going to make it stiffer.
10:07How about...
10:08I like this one.
10:09Okay, he's hiking.
10:10He's outdoorsy.
10:11I like it.
10:13A little...
10:13Oh.
10:14Oh, my God.
10:17Is that real?
10:19Wow.
10:20Oh, my.
10:21And what's his profile name?
10:23Wait, it's 45 minutes to go.
10:26What?
10:27I haven't done anything.
10:30We're going to use this butter, and you're going to put this under the skin of the chicken.
10:35Like my last boob job.
10:36Right.
10:37So...
10:37Mine's like wearing a butter bra.
10:39I just got my titties done.
10:43Yes.
10:45This is how I look like I'm doing a lot in the kitchen, okay?
10:49This is how you do it, okay?
10:51Oh, I've stung so much today.
10:53Don't make this divorce ugly.
10:55Like that wig.
10:57Was I wearing a ring?
10:58You were wearing a ring.
11:00Is it?
11:01Hold on.
11:02Girl, no, you didn't.
11:03No, it's...
11:03You know what?
11:04This is a size...
11:05It was a size too big.
11:07Look, look, look, look.
11:09Oh.
11:10Oh.
11:13Damn.
11:14Okay.
11:15They're never going to know.
11:16They're never going to know.
11:17They're never going to know.
11:18They're never going to know.
11:18They're never going to know.
11:18All right.
11:19All right.
11:19To all those ex-husbands, cheating, lie, running around.
11:25But I found extra, um, eggs.
11:29So what are you going to make with that?
11:30A mess.
11:31Oh.
11:32I don't like you very much.
11:35Oh.
11:36Oh, jackpot!
11:38Oh, I'm going to try.
11:39I'm going to try.
11:40Oh.
11:41Too far.
11:42Too far.
11:43Are you throwing eggs?
11:45That is.
11:45Oh.
11:47Oh.
11:48Oh.
11:51Oh.
11:51Look at what they've done.
11:52It's cooking.
11:54Wait.
11:55That's a poached egg.
11:57They just gave us our greatest gift.
11:59It's the first thing we've completed today.
12:01We poached an egg.
12:03Thank you so much for the help.
12:05Take trash and turn it to treasure.
12:07Ladies, 30 minutes remaining.
12:09We're going to let our guests decorate their own divorce cake.
12:13I think that's like a good baby.
12:16Look at that.
12:17Everything bagel bites.
12:18Okay.
12:19So you're going to want to separate the dough, just like your marriage.
12:21I don't want to look like a pool.
12:23Put it down, Hulu.
12:24Put it down, Hulu.
12:27This pole is sticky.
12:28I've seen them do this on TV shows, on Hulu.
12:32You make the bowl, and then you put the everything seasoning on it.
12:36Do we have an injector?
12:38Okay, I'm going to wrap the cream cheese inside the little thingy.
12:41Oh, what about an egg wash?
12:43Could you guys throw another egg over?
12:45Oh, now he's cute.
12:47Oh, I think I'm dialing him.
12:48No.
12:49Oh, no.
12:49No, no, no.
12:50Hello.
12:51I'm Hanifa.
12:52Pull your pants down.
12:53Pull your pants down.
12:54Yes.
12:54Sir, I'm not in.
12:55Yes, yes.
12:56Show us what you're working with.
12:57Yes.
12:58Show us what you're working with.
12:58Yes.
12:58Why did you shut that off?
12:59Show us what you're working with.
13:00Show us what is wrong with you.
13:01Come on.
13:01Queens, 15 minutes remaining.
13:04What?
13:05Okay.
13:06We've got to hurry up.
13:06So what I'm doing right now is making homemade truffle butter.
13:09Write the T and the E first, because then the letters in the middle just fill in,
13:13and you won't run out of room, and it won't be truffle butter.
13:15Just like mom used to make.
13:17Okay, Queens.
13:19I'm going to ask you a trivia question.
13:21Trivia.
13:22It's trivia time.
13:24The first team to shout out the correct answer will get an extra hand from our resident expert,
13:30David Berka.
13:31Oh.
13:32And the other team will get some tips from Sue Sheff, David's aunt.
13:36All right.
13:36Are you ready for the question, ladies?
13:38Yes.
13:39Okay, here we go.
13:40Which celebrity has had the most divorces to date?
13:45Liv Taylor.
13:46Liv Taylor.
13:47Zsa Zsa Gabor.
13:48Zsa Zsa Gabor and Will and we've got a winner.
13:50Yay.
13:51Zsa Zsa.
13:53It's time to get a special tip from David.
13:56Hi, David Berka.
13:57Hi, guys.
13:58You're quite behind.
13:59How is your whipped cream doing?
14:01A little thin.
14:02How do we do the whipped cream?
14:03Okay, we're going to whip this up a little bit more and you're going to add a little bit
14:06more cream into this chocolate.
14:09Okay.
14:09No, not in the, not in that.
14:11In that?
14:11In that.
14:12A little bit more.
14:13How'd you do that?
14:15Well, I held, I held the bowl so it's nice and, um, stable.
14:20Stable.
14:21Yeah, it used to be stable.
14:22Do I have a game?
14:23Never fear!
14:24Sue Sheff is here!
14:26Uh-oh.
14:27It's Sue Sheff.
14:29How about I cut some carrots?
14:30Please do.
14:31But don't cut yourself.
14:32Yeah.
14:33Oh, yeah.
14:34I'm good at this.
14:36Out of cuisine!
14:36Out of cuisine!
14:37Out of cuisine!
14:38Out of cuisine!
14:38Out of cuisine!
14:39Out of cuisine!
14:39Out of cuisine!
14:40Out of cuisine!
14:55Out of cuisine!
14:56Weeds!
14:56Five minutes remaining!
14:58F***!
15:00Okay, okay, hold on, hold on.
15:01Okay, okay, okay.
15:01You've got to be kidding me!
15:03Is the chicken done?
15:04Is the chicken done?
15:05Please tell me the chicken!
15:06It's going to be done enough.
15:08Okay, we're going to get it.
15:08It's going to be, okay!
15:09I'm married at my age.
15:11What am I supposed to do?
15:14Oh, the corn!
15:15Oh, the corn!
15:16Okay, so for the mocktail, a couple glugs of peach juice, a little bit of almond milk, a little
15:22bit of easy poop.
15:26Okay, queens, you must be inside your dining room when the curtains are closed.
15:31No!
15:31And they are closing in 30 seconds!
15:35I really lost second time.
15:37All right, you got the trouble butter?
15:38You got the trouble butter!
15:40I got it!
15:40Oh, f*** the cake!
15:41The cake!
15:42Oh, wow, look at this banana split.
15:44I might eat this.
15:47We're going to lose this show, just like I lost Stanley.
15:51And I've got to be aware, I've got to be on the table.
15:52A ten!
15:54Oh, you're on a break?
15:55The vegetables!
15:56Eight!
15:57Somebody get me a cocktail glass!
15:59Six!
16:01Five!
16:02I got it!
16:03Four!
16:04Three!
16:05Two!
16:06Ah, nuts!
16:06One!
16:08Manila, come on!
16:09Queens!
16:10How did that happen?
16:12She did something down there.
16:15Ugh, I can't take much more of this.
16:17Well, folks, those divorce papers have officially been served.
16:20Queens, I hope you're ready to host the judges.
16:22Because it's party time!
16:30Drag Me to Dinner!
16:33This is Drag Me to Dinner, where you don't eat half, you eat everything.
16:37We are about to celebrate the end of love.
16:40But before that, let me introduce to you three things I love.
16:43Our judges.
16:44Our first judges is an actress who has graced the Broadway stages and makes my heart melt.
16:49It's Hanifa Wood!
16:51Oh, you look beautiful tonight.
16:53Thank you, Mary.
16:54I'm excited for tonight.
16:55Woo-hoo!
16:56Our next dredger will need a knee replacement soon, because she's been on him so much.
17:00It's Bianca Del Rio!
17:02Oh, thank you, Murray.
17:04And no need to judge me.
17:05Everybody knows that I'm very religious.
17:07Well, you are holy.
17:10He's hosted the Oscars, and he's still handing out gold tonight.
17:14It's Neil Patrick Harris!
17:15Thank you so much.
17:17Wow, Murray Hill, you have never looked different.
17:21Thank you so much.
17:22Head backstage.
17:25You've got to laugh at my chest.
17:27All right.
17:29All right, kids.
17:30Head backstage.
17:31Go meet David.
17:32You guys have got to go to a party.
17:33Get out of here.
17:33Get out of here.
17:34Get out of here.
17:35Let's go.
17:35Let's go.
17:36Let's go.
17:36Divorce.
17:38And now it's time to go to our first party of the night, Latrice Royale and Manila Luzon
17:44in The Better Half.
18:00I think we got it.
18:01Okay, so we just need to wait for our people to come.
18:04Maybe they'll be single.
18:06Maybe we might have a little single.
18:09Ooh.
18:10Can you get the door?
18:48Welcome, everyone.
18:49Welcome to our divorce party.
18:53Yes.
18:54We love divorces.
18:56We are welcoming you here to Miss Thang, Thang and Miss Thang Divorce Lawyer's Office.
19:03We will make sure we get everything settled after you've been served.
19:08Should we sit down?
19:09Please.
19:10Oh, yeah.
19:11Get comfortable.
19:12Take your pants off.
19:12So, before we begin, I would love to raise a toast because we are celebrating my dear
19:18good sister Manila's divorce.
19:21And this is the close of one chapter and the beginning of a new.
19:28Hallelujah.
19:29Oh!
19:32She got the big D.
19:34Oh!
19:35Divorce.
19:36Divorce.
19:36Right.
19:37I get it.
19:38Because if the D was that big, you would have never left.
19:41And why did you get a divorce?
19:43He cheated.
19:44No.
19:45At Monopoly.
19:47No!
19:48Was he the banker?
19:50No, he was a little metal dog.
19:52Are you hungry?
19:53Starving!
19:54Divorce makes me famished.
19:56Now, under your plates, there are folders.
19:59Oh.
20:00The file.
20:01The menu.
20:02It says confidential.
20:04And let's hear, you know, what's being served.
20:06Oh, I see what you did there.
20:12We have half of corns on the cob.
20:15Half corn.
20:15What?
20:16Because, you know, he don't deserve the whole corn.
20:18There you go.
20:19We have a vegetable platter with dip because, honey, I'm dipping out of this marriage.
20:26And even when the marriage got a little sour, we have some lemon pepper chicken.
20:33That one was a stretch.
20:35Half.
20:35Yeah.
20:36Wait, I'm sorry.
20:37I have to get the recipe of this chicken.
20:39How did you make it taste this good?
20:42Well, you can watch Hulu on Drag Me to Dinner, and you can get the recipe there.
20:47But I don't have a subscription to Hulu.
20:49Oh, don't worry.
20:50You can use my password.
20:53Damn.
20:54Did they let you do that?
20:56You're fired.
20:57As a pick-up point, would you ask for the recipe again?
20:59Yum.
20:59It is good.
21:01Oh, absolutely.
21:01You ready?
21:02Yeah.
21:04Excuse me.
21:04I just have to know what is in this chicken that is making it taste this good.
21:10You can find the recipe on Hulu, streaming on Drag Me to Dinner, on the next episode.
21:17The next?
21:18This episode?
21:20This episode?
21:21Why don't you say it if you rewind this episode?
21:26Streaming on Hulu.
21:28Okay, yes.
21:30Oh, my goodness.
21:31I have got to get the recipe to this chicken.
21:35And you can find the recipe while watching Hulu.
21:38Drag Me to Dinner.
21:41Oh, my God.
21:42You're f***ing this.
21:43You did great.
21:43What was wrong with that?
21:44And you can get the recipe now.
21:46Streaming on Hulu.
21:52The way she's been all day.
21:54Now, is this?
21:55What kind of seasoning is in the chicken?
21:59If you want the recipe, stream Drag Me to Dinner, now on Hulu.
22:04Oh, make it stop!
22:08Make it stop!
22:12Oh, my God.
22:13In the great tradition of having your cake and eating it, too, we all decorate our own cakes.
22:21Oh!
22:23This is a cake!
22:24You get a cake!
22:25You get a cake!
22:27You get a cake!
22:28I love it!
22:30Fantastic!
22:31Okay, so, think of this as, like, the finale to the marriage.
22:36Okay.
22:37Amen.
22:38Up to you to create whatever you want for your future.
22:42Got it!
22:42I'm going on theme!
22:44Yes!
22:45Wow!
22:46Okay, let's see.
22:49That's good cake!
22:52So you better decorate that cake fast.
22:56No!
22:57Yes!
22:57You ruined it!
23:01I'm so into this decorating.
23:02Funny that two minutes have gone by and you haven't mentioned the chicken.
23:08Hurry up, David.
23:09Shut up!
23:11Would you like to see what my cake says?
23:12Please.
23:14Bye, hoe!
23:15Oh!
23:16I get it!
23:17That's genius!
23:18My cake.
23:19What is it?
23:20It is a bird and it says, free!
23:23Yeah!
23:25Celebrate your free world!
23:26Easy bird!
23:26That kind of looks...
23:28Would you like to see mine?
23:29Best part about marriage is, I split it in half, but there's no prenup!
23:35Woo!
23:35No prenup!
23:38We didn't get a prenup?
23:40Show us your cake.
23:41I was going to do something about divorce, but I just couldn't stop staring at Bianca's face.
23:46Oh, wow!
23:56What is your cake?
23:58I just drew an X.
24:00It looks like a starfish.
24:02I'm not that creative.
24:03Hanifa!
24:04Yeah!
24:05I was wondering, where could I get that chicken recipe?
24:12Chicken recipe, please!
24:14Well, when you ask it like that, I'll let you know where you can get that recipe.
24:19Nice!
24:20You can find the recipe for our lemon pepper chicken on Drag Me to Dinner, now streaming
24:25on Hulu.
24:26Yes!
24:28All right, our next divorce party is coming right up.
24:33Drag Me to Dinner!
24:36Thank you so much.
24:37That was a great party.
24:38Oh, yeah, we should get divorced.
24:40Totally.
24:40Oh, wait, but then how would we split the dog?
24:42Aw.
24:42I want a divorce, too.
24:44No, honey, first you have to have a date.
24:46Oh, you're right.
24:48It looks like it's time for tonight's second dinner party, starring Alaska 5000 and Willem
24:54N. X.
24:56Communicating.
25:09Oh, my, my, my.
25:11My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my.
25:14You do look ravishing tonight.
25:18Willem, or should I call you Ivana?
25:22Hi.
25:23Oh, hi.
25:24Oh, hi.
25:25Oh, ladies.
25:26We weren't expecting company.
25:27Oh.
25:29My name is Ivana Trump.
25:30And I'm Elizabeth Taylor.
25:33Oh, so wonderful to see all of you.
25:35Should we pick a side?
25:36No, we have seating charts.
25:38We have seating arrangements.
25:39Oh.
25:39As you can see, we are a house divided.
25:42Oh.
25:44This side of the house goes to the women.
25:46Because in the divorce, we got all the good things.
25:50And this side of the house belongs to that cheating bastard.
25:55And so that's why it is all trash.
25:59Oh, no.
25:59Oh, my God.
26:00You look exactly like my ex-husband.
26:02Britt.
26:04Please, you sit on that side.
26:06Okay.
26:07I mean, to be fair, Neil, I've said before, you do look dead.
26:11Wait, who drinks booze?
26:12We don't drink booze.
26:13We do.
26:14Over here.
26:15Oh, how embarrassing of me.
26:17Oh, don't feel embarrassed that you got our drinks mixed up.
26:20Oh, please.
26:21You should be embarrassed that you're Liz Taylor with cheap jewelry.
26:26Bianca, has anyone ever called you a brick?
26:28Oh, they have.
26:29But they like my kind of brick because I like to be laid.
26:33Would you introduce the non-alcoholic beverage?
26:36This is what we like to call a fiber-tini.
26:39Because the more fiber in your drink, the less on your dates.
26:45Drink up, David.
26:47It's really thick.
26:51Can we offer anyone a don't get mad, get everything bagel bite?
27:00Yoga?
27:01Sure.
27:02Gustavo, would you mind putting some custard right there?
27:05Huh?
27:06It's joint custardy.
27:09I made it funny.
27:11Joint custardy.
27:12Are we going to be eating anything else?
27:15We have truffle butter.
27:17Home churned.
27:19Wow.
27:21No, you're not eating.
27:23Oh, it's not salted.
27:26What comes after Saturday?
27:29Sunday!
27:31Sunday!
27:32Yeah.
27:33There's some nuts on it.
27:34She's allergic to nuts.
27:36We don't.
27:37But I'm not.
27:38I am.
27:39What kind of Sunday is this?
27:41This is the banana split.
27:43Since you can't eat.
27:44I'm just going to eat a round.
27:45Oh, okay.
27:46Never mind.
27:47I was going to give you another option.
27:49Oh, yes!
27:50Okay, okay.
27:50Yeah.
27:51I love the smell.
27:53It's dairy-free ice cream.
27:57But the whipped cream has dairy in it.
28:00So it cancels each other out?
28:01It does.
28:05Gustavo!
28:06Would you be so kind as to serve our guests?
28:10Wait, did you bring me the alternative dessert?
28:13I was going to give you an alternative activity.
28:16Oh, there's activities at this party.
28:18So, this game is what we like to call putt-putt in the butt.
28:28So, we're going to do a putting exercise.
28:30This is a left-handed putter.
28:33But we need golf balls.
28:35Do you have any?
28:36Oh, honey, I've got balls.
28:41Golf balls inside your mouth.
28:45The dazzled golf balls.
28:48Oh, my God.
28:50Thumbs up.
28:51Yes.
28:52Make America gape again.
28:58One, two, three.
29:01Oh, y'all.
29:03Ow.
29:04I think.
29:05Yowza.
29:06Pardon me.
29:07I'll be right back.
29:14Oh.
29:15Oh, oh, oh, oh.
29:17Oh, hello.
29:18Hello.
29:19Who are you?
29:20My name is Dorothy.
29:22And at this time, I'd like to do a monologue about divorce.
29:2936 years, Stanley.
29:3336 years of wishing and hoping and praying and thinking.
29:40And the Merry Christmases and the Happy Valentine's Day and the Happy Earth Days.
29:47And then you abandoned me, Stanley.
29:52But now, I have a piece of you that I will always carry with me.
30:00And it's this, his toupee.
30:12It's purple mink.
30:14It's purple mink, Dolores.
30:17You don't earn other men's wives' fur purple mink coat.
30:22Can I just say this?
30:23I don't normally like Ryan Murphy's productions, but this is fierce.
30:28This is fierce!
30:32535,671 times we made love.
30:34And you were counting.
30:35When I found out you were counting, it was time 53.
30:39Oh.
30:4053!
30:42What is this?
30:4353 times we made love.
30:44Lady Gaga?
30:45In the air.
30:4753?
30:4853 times!
30:49I mean, to be fair, outside of prison, who f***ed anybody 53 times?
30:55I will f*** this whole camera!
30:58I will f*** this camera!
31:00I will f*** your vagina!
31:03I will f***!
31:06Best party ever!
31:09This was a party!
31:11Brick, get out of here!
31:12If you're not wearing glasses!
31:14Don't you ever show your face around here again!
31:19Merry f***ing Christmas!
31:22Lockouts!
31:25Which team is taking everything?
31:27Find out next!
31:30Drag me to dinner!
31:33Let's get judgy!
31:35Cheers!
31:37We did it!
31:38Some parties!
31:39Yes!
31:40All right, the first party, the better half, with Latrice and Manila.
31:43Neil, what'd you think?
31:45I was disappointed!
31:46We walked into a lawyer's office.
31:49We sat.
31:50It felt stayed.
31:51I thought, this is the antithesis of what a party should be.
31:54And then, you have these two queens.
31:57They were crushing the improv.
32:00And for me, that is a big win.
32:01Given how talented those two queens were, I wish that there had been another chapter where
32:07they did a performance of some sort, sang a song, instead of being made cakes.
32:13Wait, wait, wait.
32:13Have you heard them sing?
32:15These girls from the start, they did a fantastic job taking everything and splitting it down
32:20the middle.
32:20They took a corn in the cob and split it from the top to the bottom, which is amazing.
32:25Taking a whole chicken and splitting it down the center.
32:27Now we will talk about the chicken.
32:29It was delicious.
32:31That was the main part?
32:32Are you telling us that the chicken is the one thing that you were excited about?
32:37It felt like I was at a real dinner party.
32:39I felt a part of their divorce situation.
32:42I do wish that I would have learned a little bit more.
32:45I wanted more of the receipts.
32:47All right, gang.
32:47That second party was very high concept, very creative.
32:51Alaska 5000 and Willem.
32:53Neil, did you like this party?
32:54I walk into this party.
32:55The party is split into two.
32:56I felt like I was in a show that I was suddenly a part of.
33:01This is how I wish all dinner parties would be, Murray.
33:03Alaska and Willem were hilarious.
33:06They each had their own character.
33:08Willem's wig opened up and there were golf balls.
33:11This party to me felt so fully realized that it's hard to knock it.
33:16I did enjoy Alaska and her performance.
33:19I mean, she was in it the entire time and I believed every second.
33:24However, we're judging the entire thing.
33:27And the bagel bites or whatever, the bagel balls with that **** in the inside.
33:32Like, **** you.
33:33I want chicken.
33:34All right, David, what did you think of the food?
33:36The ideas of the joint custardy battle.
33:40That's a good part.
33:41And the banana split.
33:43I haven't had a banana split in a while.
33:44It was kind of nice.
33:44Did your stomach enjoy the fiber drink?
33:48I think I'm going right now as we speak.
33:51I walked into the party and I went, all right, here we are.
33:54Now it's Elizabeth Taylor and it's Ivana Trump in the game.
33:58I didn't find it funny.
33:59I think it just, a lot of the attention wasn't on her.
34:02Who?
34:03You?
34:03Oh, honey, please.
34:05You're the bottom with the whistling ****.
34:07The point is.
34:08Oh, God.
34:09Jeez.
34:10I felt that the entire game was about, oh, I've got this plan and that's what they were doing.
34:16They didn't include everybody else.
34:17Bianca, it wasn't my favorite, but like you, I enjoyed every moment of the performance.
34:24I'm so conflicted on this party.
34:27That's what I was saying.
34:28Are we judging this on the quality of the food or the quality of the party?
34:32This is the toughest one that we've had.
34:36Oh, my God.
34:37We're actually finally about to find out who won.
34:40Ladies, thank you for inviting us into your fake broken homes and serving us food to get back at your
34:45fake exes.
34:46But remember, it's not us, it's you.
34:51The winners of the glorious golden grader are...
35:09Willem and Alaska!
35:23Congratulations, queens.
35:27You're also leaving with the coveted, glorious, golden grader.
35:30Oh, my God.
35:33Oh, get the authenticity.
35:35Yes!
35:35Yeah.
35:36How is it working together?
35:38You know, training for this has been a lifetime journey and we just gave 110% and we're grateful.
35:47All right.
35:47Well, ladies, thanks for joining us.
35:49Please enjoy the paparazzi following you.
35:51Oh, get out of here.
35:51No pictures, no pictures, please.
35:54But I'm so shy.
35:56How will I overcome my shyness?
35:59Ladies, you were wonderful tonight.
36:01You really were.
36:01What's the big takeaway from tonight?
36:03Oh, this is rigged.
36:08But did anyone get food poisoning?
36:11It's a win for us.
36:12We're done.
36:13That was your ball in the beginning, not to give anyone food poisoning.
36:15So, in fact, you are winners.
36:17We are winners.
36:17Yes.
36:18Hopefully, Alaska and Willem will get food poisoning.
36:21From the eggs.
36:22Yeah.
36:23They might get something else.
36:24I know this is a tough one to swallow, but don't worry.
36:27We're going to cover all of your legal fees.
36:32Oh, all for life?
36:32All of them.
36:33Perfect.
36:34For life.
36:35Win-win, bitch.
36:35Yes.
36:36I'm here.
36:37Thanks so much for joining us here on Drag Me to Dinner.
36:40I've been your host, Murray Hill.
36:41It's been fun hanging with you, but I'm not looking for something serious.
36:45I just got out of a divorce party episode.
36:46This is good.
36:48Good night, pals.
36:51Okay.
36:52Should we do body shots then?
36:56And that's it.
36:58Credits are exciting, but you know what's even better?