- 2 days ago
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TVTranscript
00:08You
00:09Yo, I got like a weird vibe from Claymore last night
00:12Do you care to elaborate a
00:15Weird vibe. It's kind of like what's happening right now, man
00:20My dolls
00:21Look what they did to my dolls
00:24Look at this. I thought she had a hangnail or maybe a prolapse. This is my babies
00:29You know Tammy's dolls have always freaked me out, but I would never deface them. Why the fuck would I
00:34do that?
00:35Okay, this is totally something I would do, but it wasn't me. This was my Russian baby special order. Look
00:42at it
00:43All right, ladies. Let's have you guys sit over here. Look at my dolls. What kind of house is this?
00:49Okay, Mr.. Cinematographer back there. Do you know who did that to my babies who went in there my dolls?
00:55Well, good morning ladies. I hope my visit finds you. Well
01:00Obviously, we're having such an exciting morning. We love to see it
01:05Today's challenge is truly special you four will be putting on a talent show
01:13I look around the room when I heard a talent show and the strangest thing happened I for the life
01:19of me
01:19Couldn't see any talent
01:22But there's a catch you won't be the ones performing
01:25You must direct senior citizens from our local retirement home to compete the elderly
01:32Those fuddy-duddies. We're gonna make them battle it out. That's right prune juice and all
01:38I bet you're also gonna walk the elderly in nature right Tammy
01:41Let's not make this weirder than it has to be okay
01:44The Queen whose protege has the strongest talent performance will be safe from elimination tonight
01:51Bring them in
01:59Okay
02:01I'll take the one that looks like the serial killer right here Ed Kemper nice and tall
02:07I'm obviously gonna take the sad-looking one
02:11Hmm, I'm really excited to work with the elderly because I always want to fuck guys that look like they
02:15golf with my dad
02:16And I picked a hottie. I guess I'll take this thing right here
02:20Well, I guess that means you're stuck with me kid
02:24But don't worry being the last one picked is kind of a serve
02:29No one expects much the bars real low so then we can blow them out of the water
02:34All righty
02:36It made the best Queen team win
02:40Cut
02:42Did you like practice that?
02:44Like for 15 minutes
02:47You almost nailed it
02:49I thought you nailed it
02:51Thanks BD
02:54Listen Helen, we're never gonna win if you can't do this simple thing
03:02I'm trying chef
03:04Mm-hmm
03:05Well trying is different than actually doing, Beatrice
03:11Helen
03:27You like it, don't you?
03:29You like it, don't you?
03:52You gotta teach what you know
03:53So I really leaned into my strengths on this challenge
03:56You know witchcraft, spell casting, sodomy
03:59I think we have a good chance
04:01All right Miss Agnes, what do you got for me?
04:05Uh, I-I-I don't know
04:07Well, do you sing or-or dance or-I mean maybe you collect coins or stamps
04:14I mean you gotta give me something to work with
04:16Uh, well I-I don't do any of those things
04:19Oh, shit
04:21Oh, but I do have this
04:24A bible
04:27He's my lord and savior
04:30Okay, well maybe we can work with that
04:33Why is it always that the elderly are bringing me down?
04:37They're so dry
04:39Kind of like your vagina
04:41How's it coming along ladies?
04:43Now Helen, you don't want that to be overcooked
04:45What temperature are we expecting?
04:47Medium, chef
04:49And if you time it just correctly
04:51You can go over and change my laundry
04:53Get right back, right in time to flip the steak
04:58Ah, wait
05:00I didn't hear a yes chef
05:04Yes chef
05:08Thanks Edith
05:12This is how I'm gonna ensure Helen gets to the top
05:16I'm going to teach her how to do things that have nothing to do with the competition, right?
05:22And she's gonna lose so I can go home
05:26That was intense
05:27It was for me too
05:28But don't you feel better?
05:30Way better
05:31It's sickening
05:32All right
05:33Oh yeah
05:34More
05:36Okay, no, no, none of that
05:37We're gonna go to a magic show
05:39Magic
05:40Sparks flying
05:42Cards disappearing
05:43But I-I can't do magic
05:45Yes you can
05:45Oh no
05:47You're gonna have to
05:50I'm sorry
05:51You're gonna do a fucking magic show
05:53And you're gonna like it
05:54I will do magic
05:56Yeah, you're gonna do magic
05:57I will like it
05:58Mm-hmm
05:59Okay
05:59I missed you when you were sad
06:01Now you take the record
06:02Helter Skelter again
06:04You got it
06:04Put the record on the pin
06:05Yes
06:06Okay now put the needle
06:07How's it going over here?
06:09Who are you?
06:11No one
06:11What do you mean you're no one?
06:13You're acting the part
06:15You're acting
06:15Act in the camera
06:17Look at that
06:18Put your record down
06:21My senior citizen was cousins
06:23With one of those young ladies
06:25That did the Sharon Tate murders
06:26And I wanted them to feel the pain
06:28So I decided to have them
06:29Bring a little bit of this up
06:31And conjure something maybe
06:32So benefit
06:33You're a benefit
06:35What exactly is the talent?
06:37What exactly is the talent?
06:38Acting
06:39He's a thespian
06:41He's playing Charles Manson
06:43From his court case monologue
06:44Right?
06:45Helter Skelter
06:47You know
06:47Sharon Tate
06:49Oh
06:49He's a thespian
06:51I had production
06:52I actually wasn't aware of that
06:53So your senior is related to
06:57One of the murders
06:58From the Sharon Tate incident?
07:00Well at least that's what I got
07:01In a dream I had last night
07:03Yes
07:03That
07:04That
07:05A premonition perhaps
07:07I might have seen
07:07Like some people see the
07:08The Virgin of Guadalupe
07:10Per se
07:11And which way does the record go?
07:13The record goes this way
07:14Uh huh
07:14And what happens?
07:15But that's the wrong way
07:16We want to go backwards
07:17Backwards why?
07:19Because we want to play the
07:22Helter Skelter
07:24Helter Skelter
07:24Helter Skelter
07:26You are so cute
07:31You've not had enough
07:32Dommy mommies in your life
07:33To get your shit together
07:35So listen to me
07:37We're going to be that powerful role model today
07:39Me and my two breasts
07:40We're going to carry you through this
07:42And you're going to win this talent show
07:43The breasts will carry me
07:45The breasts will carry me
07:48Uh huh
07:48Uh huh
07:49And that's magic
07:51Yes
07:51I honestly don't know which way
07:53This guy leans with the wind
07:54You know politically speaking
07:55But he was really down for the whole experience
07:58And uh
07:59I think he still might have a chance to
08:02To knock boots with him later
08:04So you're nervous
08:06You're really nervous
08:07I'm nervous
08:08Okay take your hands
08:09Go like this
08:10And then go like this
08:12Like this?
08:13Like this
08:13Like this
08:14Like this
08:15Breathe while you do it
08:17And then go
08:21Pretend you're Elvis Presley
08:22Ready like this
08:24And then go
08:25Ha
08:26Oh baby
08:28That's good
08:29But not what I wanted
08:30Wow this is tantalizing
08:33I am thrilled
08:34It makes them feel like
08:35They are one step closer to God
08:40Let's give a warm welcome
08:42To our first talent of the evening
08:43Tammy Brown's Donnie
08:45What I would like to let you know
08:47That this is going to be a true story
08:50Thank you Tammy
08:51Thank you
08:52Here's Donnie
08:53Come on baby
08:54Come on Donnie baby
08:55He's going to really give it to you so good
08:59Get ready
09:17Ahem
09:18I know the whole situation
09:21But I was in the desert
09:23Minding my own business
09:25You see this confusion
09:28This is all you
09:29I don't have any confusion
09:32I don't have any guilt
09:35I know what I've done
09:36And no man can judge me
09:40I stay in the desert
09:41And I run with the coyotes
09:44And I eat off the plants
09:49Line
09:50So you can ride your bicycle
09:52And do your things
09:53But me
09:55So you can ride your bicycle
09:58And do your thing
09:59But me
10:01Let's give it up for Donnie
10:04Thank you
10:05Donnie
10:07Thank you
10:11Yeah I hate to say it
10:12But he is most likely on the FBI's wanted list
10:16Who vetted this talent?
10:18It honestly reminded me of my uncle
10:21How so?
10:22Well he's from West Virginia
10:24Okay Mikey listen
10:25No matter what
10:26I'm still so proud of you
10:29Liar
10:29You're right you little gremlin
10:31You better fucking win you piece of shit
10:34Okay okay okay
10:36You got this
10:38And the magic is always inside
10:40Like those bitches on fire
10:43So sweet
10:47And next up
10:48We have Bitch Puddin's Mikey
10:50With a very special magical number
11:01How many of you like magic?
11:05Fuck that black magic
11:06Brujeria
11:07I mean not brujeria
11:08But you know
11:09Fuck you
11:09I want you to think
11:12Of a number
11:13Between one and 37
11:17You sir
11:21Was your number
11:24Two?
11:24How'd you know that?
11:28Thank you very much
11:30Thank you
11:31And now for my next act
11:34I will disappear
11:36Jealous
11:38Abra motherfucking cadabra
11:40Bitch let's go Mikey
11:41You
11:42Oh my god
11:47Where'd he go?
11:48That was crazy
11:49How did he do it?
11:51Ta-da!
11:51Oh my god
11:53Fucking yeah
11:55Y'all didn't fucking see that coming
11:57Need to change your panties sis
11:59I can smell it
12:02Bitch Pudding's Magician
12:04The most incredible thing I've ever seen
12:07All right now Helen
12:08If you waste this
12:10I'll give you all the butter toffee hard candy
12:12Your tight little purse can handle
12:14Ew
12:16I wish he would just shut up and start the show already
12:18Helen
12:19I'm nervous
12:20I wish I could have performed in Helen's place to show them that I
12:24Have the least amount of talent and I could have gone home
12:27Pull yourself together lady
12:30We are women of class and taste so act like it
12:37Jesus
12:38We are almost done
12:40Only two acts remain
12:43Next up Jujubee's protege
12:46Helen
13:08Helen
13:08Wow she is amazing
13:10I know you didn't teach her though
13:15It's so beautiful
13:24That's gnarly
13:26This is Shen Yun
13:27Why is she so talented?
13:30Helen
13:32You're so talented
13:35I hate you
13:42I hate you
13:43I hate you
14:00I hate you
14:02I hate you
14:05Oh
14:17She's like an Olympic gold medalist meets Marine meets that knife-throwing moment.
14:23Huh.
14:24It got me good.
14:25Where the fuck did she get the knives from?
14:28Were they in the fans?
14:29Is she Melina?
14:30And last but not least, here's Laganja Estranda with her talent, Agnes.
14:35And I present to you Agnes' rendition of The Rugged Cross.
14:43Yes, God.
14:44Okay, get ready.
14:45These vocals.
14:59On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
15:08The emblem of suffering and shame.
15:15That's like God's waiting room.
15:17I was watching her sing and I kind of felt a burn in the back of my neck.
15:21For a world of lost sinners was slain.
15:30And I'll cherish the old rugged cross.
15:36It was better in rehearsal.
15:39It's like a Pentecostal singer.
15:41Aren't you a choreographer?
15:42When I lay down.
15:45I will cling to the old rugged cross.
15:53And exchange it someday for a, for a crown.
16:12She's going home.
16:14Bye-bye, bitch.
16:16Wait.
16:17Did she throw the talent show?
16:19What an evil genius.
16:21Wow.
16:23That was talent.
16:26But as you guys know, no.
16:29I don't like that one.
16:30Oh, wow.
16:33We did it.
16:35As you all know, based on today's performances, one queen will be eliminated.
16:42The queen whose protege didn't perform up to par is Laganja Estranger.
16:50Please pack your bags and go.
16:53What is that?
16:53No.
16:54God damn it, Helen.
16:56Why couldn't you just sing a hymn?
16:58Jesus fucking Christ.
16:59I'm going home.
17:01Thank God.
17:02Tammy, before I leave, look, I want you to have this.
17:04It's my Avanova.
17:05What is that?
17:06It's the lid and lash cleansing spray for daily use.
17:10Oh, thank you.
17:10You're so sweet.
17:11I love you.
17:12Look, if you found a twice-daily antimicrobial eyelid and eyelash cleansing spray that got
17:18rid of bacteria and debris, you'd be pumped too, Miss Thing.
17:22Yeah, listen, are you sponsored by that?
17:25No.
17:26You know you have to run approvals for that.
17:28Well, what do I get?
17:29Oh, a hug.
17:30I'm good, girl.
17:31Thank you, though.
17:33Okay.
17:33Juju.
17:34Love you, mama.
17:36Until next time.
17:39Oh.
17:40Oh, and don't forget to live the high life.
17:43Oh, crrrrrr.
17:45You know, my relationship with drag has really changed being in this house.
17:49I came in as just a weary-eyed stoner, but now I'm leaving a professional connoisseur of cunt.
17:58Don't worry, Diva. I casted a hex on you. You're never leaving this place.
18:06I need a drink. Make it a double.
18:12Was that good?
18:14Yeah.
18:16Can I talk to you about something?
18:19What?
18:20Today's my last day. I'm quitting the show.
18:23What? Why?
18:25It just... I mean, you know, it's been hard. It feels like we're on a sinking ship.
18:31Uh...
18:31You can't leave. You're my only producer on the ground.
18:35Look, I'm sorry. It's just... It's a lot of overtime hours. There's no overtime pay and just...
18:40Honestly, optically, I don't... I don't really want to be connected with the show anymore.
18:47Oh.
18:49Okay.
18:55This season of Drag House Rules has proven that these queens will do anything to stay in the game.
19:02As the final three raced to the top of this cutthroat mountain, I decided it was time for an emotional
19:08reflection.
19:09Starting with their childhood photo.
19:12Jujubee, what would you say to Little Baby Airlines?
19:16I would say follow your gut and everything's gonna be okay. And someday, a washed up child star is gonna
19:25reach out because he wants to revamp his career and he wants you to be on his reality show and
19:31you won't trust your gut and it'll lead to a world of pain.
20:04Um...
20:06That's fine, I guess.
20:07Something uplifting? That it gets better?
20:09It doesn't. It gets worse. I mean, do you see where we are right now?
20:13Something inspirational?
20:14Stop doing crackpot reality TV shows with no budget? This is my second one.
20:20This is so bad. We're gonna have to pivot. None of this is usable.
20:24Well, fuck my childhood.
20:26Yeah, well, the whole thing feels a little overdone.
20:29Well, I'm trying to make them likable, but who knew it would be this hard?
20:35Claymore, you are the problem. Do you hear that? You are the problem. You almost got Silky killed, you wrongfully
20:44and corruptly evicted Manila, and you made an old lady do acrobatics with knives.
20:50Shame! Ladies? Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame!
20:54Hey, hey, hey! No! No! Not the shame spiral! Leave Claymore alone! Shame!
21:00That was your old woman. You put that performance together.
21:04Oh, sweetie, we all know I didn't do a thing. That collision between Simone Biles and Gordon Ramsay was Helen's
21:11own crazy idea.
21:12Besides, what kind of loser comes up with these challenges anyway, Claymore?
21:18I'm a loser. You're a loser.
21:21Oh, sweetie, you're committing fraud, and I'm committing armed barbering.
21:24You're a big fat loser who sucks at TV.
21:27You're a stupid little dude, you bitch. That's why you can never win a crown even if they were giving
21:29them away at the 99 cent store.
21:31You look like a $2 hooker who couldn't even get paid on her night off!
21:36You are a big fat loser who sucks at TV!
21:39Oh, wow! You suck at TV!
21:39Claymore Jones!
21:44Mom?
21:48Hi, Claymore's mom. I'm Betch.
21:50Excuse me?
21:52Claymore, can I talk to you inside?
22:06She smells good, though.
22:09Baby, what is this?
22:10What?
22:12This, this, what kind of show is this?
22:14We're not doing this. I showed you the deck. I don't have to prove anything to you.
22:19You told me that this was a prestige reality show.
22:25Did we get the card?
22:28Your uncle said that it's a slow quarter at the dealership.
22:35The new Escalade is the whole prize package. The $100,000 prize package is 100,000% the card.
22:44Well, you'll just have to get a new prize then, honey, because he said he can't give it away anymore.
22:48And I can't have a show without a grand prize. You said this was a sure thing.
22:53And you said this show was a sure thing.
22:56What do you mean? It is.
23:00How over budget are you?
23:03How did you...
23:04Kenton called me. He told me you took out a second mortgage on the house.
23:08My house?
23:10Your house?
23:11Who do you think took you to all those auditions, Claymore?
23:14Who do you think paid for your voice lessons?
23:17Who gave up her career in marketing to babysit an ungrateful...
23:22Oh, here we are. And that's where we always end up.
23:27Oh, I don't think you understand the sacrifices that I made for you to have a life like this.
23:32Sacrifices?
23:32Mm-hmm.
23:33This house was paid for through my blood, sweat, and tears.
23:37Through my labor.
23:38As a child.
23:40And then what happened, Claymore?
23:43You couldn't book a damn thing once puberty got a hold of you.
23:47And then you're running around asking for bailouts from your mother, your stepdad, your uncle,
23:51just to keep the lights on in this place.
23:53Playing Hollywood entrepreneur.
23:57Trying to fit into a life that ain't for you, baby.
24:00No, you know what? We are not doing this anymore.
24:02You know, how many times are you gonna put your shit on me?
24:05Those are your beliefs, not mine.
24:08Oh!
24:09Well, come on, big man. Let it all out.
24:13And make sure you say it with your whole chest.
24:17What about your life coaching book?
24:19Or your little book tour?
24:22Or your self-help TV pilot?
24:25All flops.
24:26I deserve to have something for myself!
24:29Oh, I'm sorry to bogart your aspirations,
24:32because I knew full well what was happening when I started working in television full-time
24:37at the age of seven.
24:43Why the second mortgage, Claymore? Huh?
24:47I told you not to put your cash into things that are not a sure thing.
24:52That's why our finances are all jacked up.
24:54The network is gonna love it. We'll make it to air.
24:56Really? How?
24:57How you gonna do that when your little boy Petey there told me that your story producer walked out?
25:01I'll figure it out.
25:02Yeah, you'll figure it out.
25:02The network is gonna believe in this show. The network is gonna believe in me.
25:06If you can't get your own mother to believe in you, how the hell you think you gonna—
25:10Fuck. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
25:12Can you leave?
25:13Claymore, baby, please, I'm sorry.
25:15You know I didn't mean that.
25:16Just go.
25:24Just...let me know if you need anything, okay?
25:29We tried that.
25:31Didn't really work, did it?
25:47You know, I think I was wrong about Claymore.
25:49I think we have some things in common.
25:51She better watch herself, because, you know, Ed Kemper's mother,
25:55the serial killer Ed Kemper,
25:57he killed his mother, and he killed his grandfather.
26:01And she could be next.
26:11So, no grand prize package?
26:15Just the title, I guess.
26:17Queen of House Drag Rules.
26:19There was supposed to be a luxury car.
26:21I'm sorry.
26:22It's okay, I don't drive.
26:24I should just throw in the towel.
26:27No story producer, no grand prize.
26:31I'm going into debt every day just to stay afloat.
26:35I know what it's like to, like, sacrifice everything to make your dreams come true.
26:40As a queer person in Hollywood, we kind of all know what that feels like.
26:44And I have a really newfound respect for Claymore.
26:47And I think it's pretty badass.
26:49He's trying to make all this happen.
26:52What I think I'm most upset about in this whole experience is the lack of autonomy, feeling trapped, and feeling,
27:02well, bored.
27:04Jujubee, I do not have the bandwidth to go toe-to-toe with you right now.
27:09That's not the point I'm trying to make.
27:12Claymore, at this point in my career, I don't want to be thrown into some reality Thunderdome.
27:16I want to tell stories.
27:19I want to write, produce.
27:21I want to be celebrated for my ideas.
27:24I can relate.
27:25I always end up some crazy edit on these reality TV shows.
27:29And, you know, I'm the most insane one in the house.
27:32That's a fact.
27:33You get the crazy edit in real life, too, so.
27:36Ha!
27:36Oh!
27:36Oh!
27:37I'm acting.
27:38So you guys want to...
27:40Direct and produce the show.
27:42Yes.
27:43Yeah.
27:43Yes.
27:44Let us sail the ship.
27:45We got you.
27:47We're going to knock it out of the park, then.
27:48We're going to give you the best damn finale ever.
27:52So you want me to hand over my reality competition show to the contestants?
27:59We want you to give your show a fighting chance.
28:02She's right.
28:03I mean, look at these three legends.
28:05They have, what, over 65 years of industry experience combined?
28:10Okay.
28:10I'm not that old.
28:11Well, I know I am.
28:13Dude, I'm, like, 32.
28:15I just think you should let them help you.
28:19So this finale, will there be fights?
28:23Obviously.
28:24Physical comedy?
28:26Unfortunately.
28:27Sickening drag?
28:28That's all we know, honey.
28:33All righty.
28:35Tammy!
28:36What's wrong with you, darling?
28:37Jujubee's dead.
28:39Jujubee's dead?
28:39Yeah.
28:41Jujubee's dead?
28:42She's dead, Tammy.
28:43Jujubee's dead?
28:44Yes.
28:45What the fuck?
28:46I can't handle it.
28:48She's with Sharon Needles' career now.
28:51Sharon Needles?
28:52Sharon Feecals is what I call her.
28:54How did Jujubee die, first of all?
28:56I don't fucking know, Tammy.
28:57Find out!
28:59She's dead!
28:59The key to a good reality show is always staying focused on the cameras.
29:05Ding!
29:10Hello, piranhas.
29:12My name is Jason Bellhaus.
29:17And today, I am representing my company, Rainbow Rap.
29:24You thought I disappeared, but I bent down.
29:27Anyway, I am looking for $200,000 in exchange for not one, not two, but 15% of equity of
29:38my company.
29:40With Rainbow Rap, we actually bring pride and comfort with all of our rainbow blankets.
29:48Yeah, you know what?
29:49It's going to be a no for me, dog.
29:50I'm out.
29:51I actually find them very eye-catching, Jason.
29:53But what makes them any different from the blankets on the market today?
29:57That's a great question, Jujubee.
30:00Um, each of our blankets are actually made of 100% of organic material.
30:07Ooh.
30:08With our blankets, they actually are sourced from eco-friendly farms in the mountains of Cali, Colombia.
30:16Sir, I have a question.
30:18Are you a homosexual?
30:22Ally.
30:23Ally.
30:24I guess that's a good answer.
30:26You look a little light under the loafers.
30:28Well, I, there are times where I go on walks, and then I see people, and there are thoughts
30:37in my head that go, huh, good.
30:41That's voyeurism.
30:43Voyeurism.
30:45And you need to probably butch it up.
30:47Um.
30:54Gay.
30:55Well, the only thing fake about me is this leg!
31:00Oh my god!
31:01My diamond earring!
31:03Juju, people are dying!
31:09If I spit in your face, would you look me in the eye?
31:13I can't find my earring!
31:16Woohoo!
31:17Woohoo!
31:17He he he he he he he!
31:21Circulate and jerk it off.
31:24Shh, shh, shh, shh!
31:25Roll the dice.
31:27What are you doing?
31:29Ricky!
31:32Don't be alarmed by him.
31:34He's nothing special.
31:36If you say move the mountain, the mountain will move.
31:40Oh, it's your leg to married men!
31:42Oh, it's a two-sheep, whore, you're fucking engaged!
31:45Nineteen times!
31:46Oh!
31:47You stupid fucking bitch!
31:50You're fired!
31:53Cut!
31:54Was that okay?
31:54Because honestly, I'm really nervous.
31:56I loved it!
31:57I feel infused.
31:58Oh, I think that's going to cut together nicely.
32:00Great job, ladies.
32:01Yes.
32:02Here you go.
32:02And I have an idea.
32:04Baby, don't forget this plate.
32:05Have you ever wanted to try dry?
32:09Well, Petey the P.A., with a name like Petey, of course I thought he was a pipsqueak.
32:15But, you know, he's come along with us, and he does a good job, and I'm actually rather fond of
32:20him.
32:21It just feels really, really nice to finally be in a place where I get to do what I want
32:27to do,
32:27and where my heart is, is to be more creative.
32:30And if that is going to help Claymore, I say it's a win-win.
32:36Jujubee is right.
32:37I got ideas.
32:38Actually, I low-key produced the last season I was on to the end.
32:41I ended up winning, if you didn't know.
32:44I'm one of the only winners in this house.
32:46All right, this is really fun, but how the fuck are we going to end this thing?
32:49Like who wins?
32:50Yeah.
32:51Uh, I get third place.
32:52I always get third place.
32:54Well, 95% of the finale has been constructive narrative,
32:59so I think we should do something that actually leaves it up to chance.
33:03Like a fist fight.
33:05Absolutely not.
33:06What about something hilariously basic?
33:09I like it.
33:10Yeah.
33:11Something Olympic.
33:13None of us have Olympic talents, Tammy.
33:16You know, I actually really like this simplistic idea.
33:20I think we need something human, and what about a foot race?
33:29Oh, bitch.
33:30Mm, this is fun.
33:33The writer's room, coming up with ideas.
33:35We're like spitballing things.
33:38I have so many ideas.
33:40Like, run, baby, run.
33:44Run.
33:46Are we going to do it in heels?
33:48Yes, you have to do everything in your heels.
33:51We'll see.
33:52Looking back at my first day here,
33:54I had no idea that I'd be in the top three
33:56with Bitch Pudding and Tammy Brown.
33:59It's kind of crazy.
34:00You know, I'm not surprised we've made it to the end
34:02and we're the top three.
34:04We're giving, like, the three stooges.
34:05You know, the can opener, the spork, a lighter.
34:07Three things you don't think work together, but oddly do.
34:10Did I bring sensible shoes?
34:13Is a toad's ass water sealed tight?
34:16Well, before man could speak, man could run.
34:20Before man could speak, he could run.
34:23Running is one of the most essential skills
34:25any human can have.
34:27To experience running is to experience humanity in motion.
34:31Okay, this is getting a little indulgent.
34:34The rules are simple.
34:35At the end of our yard is the Drag House Rules Totem,
34:39containing $18 collected by our crew.
34:43Whoever arrives to the totem first
34:45will be the winner of Drag House Rules.
34:48Hopefully we can get him some sort of spinoff after this
34:51and he can, you know, really go somewhere
34:53and shine as an adult actor now.
34:55And if he wants to dress up and wear a diaper
34:58and suck on a pacifier, that's fine with me.
35:01This is the moment.
35:04After weeks of...
35:05All right, let's do this!
35:07Hey, I thought we were supposed to do this in heels.
35:08I pulled Juju aside and told her that she should win.
35:11You know, she needs the $14 or whatever the hell.
35:15On your mark, get set, go!
35:40When I saw Rakam Sakura enter the race,
35:44I thought to myself, Juju, this is your moment
35:48to put your producer hat on
35:50and make great television.
35:54Yes!
35:55And guess what?
35:57That's exactly what I did.
36:00You're welcome.
36:02Rakam Sokam won,
36:04and I am tickled pink as that crayon color.
36:08Shit, man.
36:09It was cool that things kind of happened as they should, you know?
36:12I knew I wasn't going to win today.
36:13And that was my choice.
36:15I didn't want my only crown to be from Drag House Rules.
36:19Could you imagine?
36:21I won Drag House Rules.
36:23Here's my tiny crown from this tiny home.
36:34I won!
36:35I won!
36:36I won!
36:36I won!
36:37I won!
36:37I won!
36:37I won!
36:38I won!
36:38I won!
36:39Yes!
36:39It's mine!
36:40It's crazy what you can learn
36:42when you watch people sleep.
36:47Out of the way.
36:48Mama's going swimming.
36:52I came in wanting to make friends,
36:53and I think I did just that.
36:55It's so rewarding to do a little work behind the camera
36:58than be a part of this,
37:00you know,
37:01violent world of reality TV.
37:04You know what I mean?
37:04Oh!
37:08Drag House Rules.
37:09I do.
37:10I leave you to God,
37:11but he's not out there,
37:12so you'll just be alone.
37:20They're just bobbing along,
37:22almost like those big...
37:23How long do you think this is going to have to bob along here?
37:25I mean,
37:26I know he signed a contract,
37:27but Jesus,
37:28aren't their shoulders tired of holding up all that equipment?
37:30I thought,
37:31is this more like,
37:31what's that movie?
37:32That show?
37:33The Truman Show.
37:34The Truman Show.
37:35Yeah.
37:36They just never stop.
37:37It's kind of odd.
37:38When I was on that show,
37:39How Clean Is Your House?
37:40Uh-huh.
37:41I told Kim and Aggie off.
37:42Did you?
37:43Stupid bitch.
37:44Were they filming you all the time?
37:45She was nasty.
37:46Was she?
37:47Almost as bad as Michelle Visage.
37:49Oof.
37:50Now that is a pair of tits that'll let you have.
37:53I know,
37:53and she had her tits reduced.
37:55She did.
37:56Because she had those silicone ones.
37:58What do you think?
37:58Do you think I should get mine bigger?
38:00You know,
38:00I say if you're into body mutilation, mutilate it.
38:05Well, I mean, that's a term.
38:07Yeah.
38:07You know what I mean?
38:08I mean, you should see some people's faces.
38:13What are y'all looking at?