A cult British sci-fi comedy series following Dave Lister, the last surviving human aboard the spaceship Red Dwarf after a deadly radiation leak wipes out the crew. Alongside a hologram roommate, a humanoid cat, and a neurotic mechanoid, he navigates bizarre space adventures filled with absurd humor, time travel, alien encounters, and satirical takes on humanity.
Tags
#ScienceFiction, #Sitcom, #BritishComedy, #SpaceAdventure, #CultClassic, #ComedySeries, #TimeTravel, #Futuristic, #SpaceCrew, #AlienEncounters, #SciFiComedy, #DarkHumor, #Adventure, #SpaceSurvival, #ClassicTV, #Humor, #BritishTelevision, #Fantasy, #Satire, #RetroSciFi
Tags
#ScienceFiction, #Sitcom, #BritishComedy, #SpaceAdventure, #CultClassic, #ComedySeries, #TimeTravel, #Futuristic, #SpaceCrew, #AlienEncounters, #SciFiComedy, #DarkHumor, #Adventure, #SpaceSurvival, #ClassicTV, #Humor, #BritishTelevision, #Fantasy, #Satire, #RetroSciFi
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FunTranscript
01:14Mm-hmm.
01:15You ever see the Flintstones?
01:17Sure.
01:18Do you think Wilma's sexy?
01:23Wilma Flintstone?
01:25Maybe we've been alone in deep space too long, but every time I see that show, her body drives me
01:29crazy.
01:31Is it me?
01:32I think, in all probability, Wilma Flintstone is the most desirable woman who ever lived.
01:38That's good. I thought I was going strange.
01:41She's incredible.
01:43What do you think of Betty?
01:44Betty Rubble?
01:47Well, I would go with Betty.
01:50But I'd be thinking of Wilma.
01:56This is crazy.
01:57Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
02:01You're right.
02:02We're nuts.
02:03This is an insane conversation.
02:07She'll never leave Fred and we know it.
02:19Holly, clipboard and pen, please.
02:21Well, Crichty, today's the day.
02:23But, sir, I'm just not ready.
02:25I mean, six weeks, it's just not long enough.
02:2810.30.
02:29Name?
02:30You know my name.
02:31Look, if this comes off, it'll be a whole new lease of life for both of us.
02:34We'll be independent.
02:36We've got to do it by the book.
02:38It's just when you go into official mode, my anxiety chip goes into overdrive.
02:43Name?
02:48I'll just put Crichton.
02:52Can you see that space vehicle?
02:54Where?
02:56That one.
02:57Yes, sir.
02:58And can you read the registration for me, please?
03:01Starbug 1?
03:03Right, if you'd like to show me to your vehicle, please.
03:08Right, in your own time, if you'd like to start the space vehicle,
03:11proceed through the cargo bay doors and off into outer space.
03:22Once through the doors, proceed directly to the nearest planet.
03:25Once there, I want you to bring the vehicle to a halt
03:27and then carefully reverse into the planet's orbit,
03:30remembering, of course, at all times to pay due care and attention
03:32to any other space users.
03:35Right, in your own time.
03:55In your own time.
03:59I've failed, haven't I?
04:01Just proceed.
04:02You're going to hold it against me, aren't you?
04:04That one mistake.
04:05That one mistake, please.
04:07Anti-grav, check.
04:09Retro, check.
04:11Boosters, check.
04:14And very gently, ease forward.
04:22I think there's something wrong with the gearbox.
04:26The thing is, I learned to drive in Starbug 2.
04:29I'm not used to the controls in Starbug 1.
04:32They're exactly the same.
04:33Yes, that's the problem.
04:42Next, I'd like you to transfer to autopilot
04:44while we conduct the recognition...
04:48Tests.
04:50Engage autopilot.
04:51Autopilot engaged?
04:53Well, I say autopilot.
04:54It's not really autopilot, is it?
04:56It's me.
04:56It's mugging Zero has to do it.
04:58Right, what's that one?
05:00Heavy traffic.
05:01Keep to your assigned space lane.
05:03That one?
05:04Danger.
05:05Space mirage is ahead.
05:08Stopping distances.
05:09You're travelling half the speed of light.
05:11What is the stopping distance?
05:12Four years, three months.
05:13And the thinking time?
05:15A fortnight.
05:18Space phenomena.
05:19What's that?
05:19A pulsar.
05:20And that one?
05:21A binary star.
05:23What's that one?
05:24A time hole.
05:25Don't help him.
05:26It's a time hole.
05:27No, it isn't.
05:28It's nothing like a time hole.
05:29It's a time hole.
05:30It is.
05:31It's a time hole.
05:32A time hole is a phenomenon rarely seen in space
05:35which legend would have us believe
05:36transports us into another part of space and time.
05:39Whereas that is quite obviously a blue giant
05:41about to go supernova.
05:42That is a time hole.
05:44Right, how's this?
06:07I suppose you're going to fail me for this.
06:15What is this place?
06:18Holly?
06:19Is it possible?
06:20Can this be Earth?
06:21Certainly seems that way.
06:22Constellations match gravity exactly 1G.
06:25What's the time period?
06:26Well, it's difficult to pin it down exactly
06:28but according to all the available data
06:30I would estimate it's round about lunchtime.
06:34Maybe half one.
06:36What period in history, Bingleberry Breath?
06:39I mean, can we expect to see Genghis Khan
06:41and his barbarian buddies sweeping across the hill?
06:44Or a herd of flesh-eating dinosaurs
06:46feeding off the bones of Doug McClure?
06:49What is the year?
06:50Well, I'd need some more data
06:52before I could give you a precise answer.
06:54Like?
06:55Well, this year's calendar would be Andy.
06:58I've never been to Earth before.
06:59I've only seen it on photographs.
07:01It's exactly like I always imagined.
07:04Only much shorter.
07:11Nod Knoll, 871 selling.
07:15Nod Knoll?
07:16Where's Nod Knoll?
07:17It's London.
07:18London, 178 miles.
07:20It's backwards.
07:21Shh!
07:22A truck.
07:23Oh, it's probably going to hit that box.
07:29There's a perfectly rational explanation for all this.
07:33Phil, it's not going to be nice, doesn't it?
07:34No, no.
07:36Then again, possibly not.
07:47Holly, what the smeg is going on?
07:49Everything's going backwards.
07:51It's perfectly consistent with current theory.
07:54Everything starts with a Big Bang, right?
07:56And the universe starts expanding.
07:59Eventually, when it's expanding as far as it can,
08:02there's the big crunch, right?
08:03And everything starts contracting.
08:06Perfectly possible that time starts running
08:08in the opposite direction as well.
08:10So, is this Earth?
08:11Oh, it's Earth, all right.
08:13Only Earth where time's going backwards.
08:15LAUGHTER
08:21LAUGHTER
08:22I'm not near my mail.
08:23Erchenov say.
08:24She looks hard.
08:28LAUGHTER
08:33LAUGHTER
08:35LAUGHTER
08:57All right, siri, sirs.
09:00Flubbado, blubblubbleed.
09:11What are you doing?
09:12Well, you said look inconspicuous.
09:15Don't be idiotic.
09:18But if people see my face, what are they going to think?
09:21Tell them you had an accident.
09:23Tell them you took your car to the crushers and forgot to get out.
09:34I got a newspaper.
09:35What's the year?
09:3839.91.
09:40It's 1993.
09:41It's backwards.
09:43I'll switch to reverse mode.
09:45Three brought to life in Bank Raid.
09:48A masked man with a saw-off shotgun sucked bullets out of two cashiers and a security guard
09:53in a South London bank tomorrow.
09:57The armed raider then forced terrified staff to accept 10,000 pounds, which he demanded
10:04they place in the bank's vaults.
10:06The man, Michael Ellis, completed a 15-year prison sentence for the crime two years ago.
10:15What does that say?
10:16Oh, it's an advert.
10:18Roll off deodorant.
10:19Keeps you...
10:20Keeps you wet and smelly for up to 24 hours.
10:24What are we going to do?
10:26This place is totally crazy.
10:27There's nothing we can do till the others find us.
10:30We'd better get a job.
10:31But what jobs are there in a backwards reality for a dead hologram and an android with a head
10:36shaped like a novelty condom.
10:41Here's the jobs page.
10:42This looks interesting.
10:44Wanted.
10:44Managing director, ICI.
10:46Excellent demotion prospects.
10:48Right candidate could go straight to the bottom.
10:51Or low-key?
10:53Busy London restaurant requires dish dirtier.
10:56Anything else?
10:57This looks interesting.
10:59Theatrical agent requires novelty acts.
11:02What do we do that's a novelty?
11:03What, in this world?
11:05Everything.
11:14Three weeks we've been doing this.
11:16But we'll do it till we find them.
11:18We ain't gonna find them.
11:21They're gone, buddy.
11:23Look on the bright side.
11:24They're gone, buddy!
11:28Don't you care about anyone but yourself?
11:30Hell no.
11:31I don't even care about you.
11:32The way I see it, if Goalpost Head and Freakface want to get themselves lost, that's their
11:37bag.
11:37I don't see why it should cut into my preening time.
11:40You realize with all this rescue stuff, I haven't purred my leg hairs in a week?
11:45I'm a wreck!
11:47I'm a wreck!
11:47I'm a wreck!
11:47Pam, your leg hairs!
11:49Only as an aid to the natural curl.
11:53Fasten your belt.
11:54Hey, I do not need fashion tips from you.
11:57Safety belt!
11:58Look, is that what I think it is?
12:02What do you think it is?
12:04An orange whirly thing in space.
12:07It's a time hole.
12:09That's where they are.
12:10We're going in.
12:11Are you crazy?
12:12You can't go in there!
12:13Why not?
12:14Orange with this suit.
12:21Where are we?
12:22I don't believe this.
12:25According to the Navicom, this is it.
12:28I'm an engaged cloak.
12:30I'm taking it down.
12:40What did you do that for?
12:42Well, we don't want to freak the natives.
12:46Hey!
12:48What's the matter?
12:49I don't know.
12:50I think me ribs are cracked.
12:51And me back.
12:52Is my eye bruised?
12:54Yeah, it is.
12:57What's there?
12:58It's a Holman device.
12:59It'll find their flight recorder.
13:02Yonder.
13:06I'm home.
13:17You find anything?
13:19Well, the bug's there, but they're not.
13:31You're dry.
13:33That's weird.
13:36Let's take a look around.
13:37Maybe they left us a clue or something.
13:42What's this?
13:48What's this?
13:49It's in some weird foreign language or something.
13:52Straight up.
13:54I don't know.
13:54I speak Polish or Bulgarian or something.
13:57You speak Bulgarian?
13:58Bulgarian?
13:59I can hardly speak English.
14:03What's this?
14:05Nod, nol.
14:07Hang on.
14:07Wait a minute.
14:09Nod, nol.
14:10Nod, nol.
14:11It's in Bulgaria, isn't it?
14:12Are you sure?
14:13It's in my number one subject at school.
14:16Nod, nol.
14:17Bulgaria rich in arable produce and mineral wealth
14:20just south of Bosnia.
14:21And what's selling?
14:22That's obviously Bulgarian for kilometres, isn't it?
14:24You're so smart.
14:26I'm glad I came with you.
14:27Well, we are the smart party.
14:31I didn't come here looking for trouble.
14:34I just came to do the red dwarf shuffle.
14:36He's smart.
14:38He's smart.
14:40He's smart.
14:41He's smart.
14:41Let's find some transport.
14:45Come on.
14:46Let's go.
14:46Go.
14:47Come on.
14:51Yes.
14:52Where's the last house out?
14:53It's hot here for real.
14:55Bye, suckers.
14:56You lost your bike.
14:57Stop peddling and start peddling.
15:01Who's out of here?
15:02Get this thing in forward gear.
15:04Who's in forward gear?
15:16Stop.
15:17Stop.
15:23No more.
15:24I'm not moving another yard on this thing.
15:27I'm getting the pine in the back of my head.
15:29You're speaking to Bulgarian bikes.
15:31You'll probably have to queue up for a year to get this piece of crap.
15:35You'll probably have to be a Google's official to get one that goes forwards.
15:39Yo, matey.
15:40Excuse me.
15:40Excuse me.
15:41What's that?
15:42Er, no.
15:43I don't speak any Bulgarian.
15:44Do you speak English?
15:45You're very good with yourself, am I right?
15:48I'm looking for our...
15:49Our friend.
15:51Erm.
15:52Frenchy.
15:53Er.
15:53A Budsky.
15:55Palsky.
15:56Look, there's a dressky here-sky.
15:58Can you, erm...
16:00Drop us off-sky?
16:01Yeah, but there...
16:02What's going on?
16:03Of course.
16:05Rock and roll.
16:06Thanksky-versky.
16:07Mutsky-budsky.
16:22Hey, hey, hey.
16:23We're moving in the right direction now.
16:35This is the place?
16:37Aye, aye.
16:39I mean, back it looks like it's been cut to ribbons.
16:41Moan, moan, moan, moan, moan.
16:50Then, let's go.
17:01Hello.
17:02Hello.
17:04Hello.
17:04Hello.
17:05Hello.
17:06Welcome to the show.
17:08Welcome to the show?
17:10That's a joke.
17:11For our first trick tonight, ladies and gentlemen, may partner with our
17:13Treyton will attempt to eat a boiled egg forwards
17:26This is entertainment to these people
17:28They have very simple
17:32I have it. It's a moron convention
17:39If there are 20 jackets all white with arms a tie behind the neck, you know, I'm right
17:44And what better way to round off a beer ladies and gentlemen than by drinking a glass of water
17:51Whoa stick around the build up to a big climax
17:57We are the sensational reverse penalty we shall see you last night
18:07Let's get a drink and go backstage. Hello. Excuse me. Can I have two pints of bitter, please?
18:13Bitter? Two pints?
18:15Yes, you can't understand you, buddy. You're wasting your time
18:18Yo, matey. What's that you're drinking there?
18:20You know, drinky beersky
18:22Erskip
18:23Ah, airskip. Two pints of airskip, please
18:25Airskip
18:26Two
18:27Was that difficult?
18:28No, with a smart party
18:30Eskip
18:31Eskip
18:43Eskip
18:47Slabornik
19:01This isn't Bulgaria. Look at that menu, Unem. It's English, but backwards. Everything's
19:07backwards. Everything's backwards. Yeah. Right. Well, you know what you say? When in Rome,
19:13do this name or do. Up the hatch. Booty's down. What do you mean you don't want to leave?
19:30We're happy here. We found a niche. We're the sensational reverse brothers. We've only
19:36been here three weeks and we're a big hit. Remember, everything is backwards. We've got
19:40used to it. It's true. Once you get over the initial shock, things actually make a lot
19:44more sense this way round. There's no death here. You start off dead, you have a funeral,
19:50then you come to life. As each year passes, you get younger and younger until you become
19:54a newborn baby. Then you go back inside your mother, who goes back inside her mother, and
19:59so on, until eventually we all become one glorious whole. Remember, you already are, one glorious
20:05whole. We've totally flipped, man. We want to stay. We can't stay. Look, I'm 25 now. In
20:1410 years' time, I'll be 15. I'll have to go through puberty again. Backwards. Imagine that.
20:19Your cajumbas will suddenly rise back into your body, and the next thing you know, you're singing
20:24soprano in the school choir. I'm worse than that. In 25 years, I'll be a little spain,
20:30swimming around in somebody's testicles. I mean, pardon me, but that's just not how I saw my
20:36future. I'm telling you, things are better this way. It's our universe. It's the wrong way around.
20:42Take war. War is a wonderful thing here. In 50 years' time, the Second World War will start.
20:47Backwards. And that's a good thing. Millions of people will come to life. Hitler will retreat
20:52across Europe. Liberate France and Poland, disband the Third Reich, and bog off back to Austria.
21:00We're smash hits here. We'd be crazy to leave. Remember, we don't belong here. This place is
21:06crazy. Crazy? Death, disease, famine. There's none of that here. There's no crime. The first night we
21:14were here, a mugger jumped us and forced £50 into my wallet at night point. Okay, okay, but look at
21:20the
21:21flip side of the coin. It's not all good. Take someone like, say, St. Francis of Assisi. In this
21:26universe, it's the petty-minded little sadist that goes around maiming small animals. Or Santa Claus.
21:31What a bastard. But it's just a big fat git who sneaks down chimneys and steals all the
21:37kids' favourite toys.
21:47We didn't start any fight.
21:49What's he saying?
22:11We're fired. Something about a fight. What have you been with us all night? He says we'll never work the
22:16pub circuit again.
22:18Now, for a snake's sake, be reasonable.
22:21What?
22:25Tell him about the contract. The contract thing. The contract.
22:28You can't just sack us like that.
22:30What?
22:30What?
22:33What?
22:33What's all that about?
22:35I don't know. River in a fight? That's a laugh for a start.
22:38So what's the plan?
22:39I don't know. See what happens. If you don't change the minds head back without them, I suppose.
22:43My back.
23:03We just gotta get out of here.
23:04This universe is just too disgusting.
23:15What's the matter with him?
23:17I think he's a bit teed off because we've just uneaten his pie.
23:22Unbelievable. We didn't start a fight.
23:24Look, I'm sorry, man. We just...
23:26Are you all right?
23:27A black eye. It's gone.
23:29Just sucked it off me face with his face.
23:33Now he's just uncracked me ribs.
23:35I don't want any trouble.
23:36No, no, you don't understand.
23:38All this mess, all this debris,
23:40this is from the fight we got fired for.
23:42This is from a fight we're about to have.
23:44About to have?
23:45I don't want to be involved in a barroom brawl.
23:47It's not a barroom brawl.
23:49It's a barroom tidy.
23:51Unrumble!
23:53Oh!
23:55Help.
23:58Oh!
24:22Where are you going, you coward?
24:24I've just wet that what happens to me back.
24:26Oh!
24:38Please, matey, have your tooth back.
24:57Good one, gentlemen, thanks for your support.
25:06I've forgotten something.
25:13That's right.
25:15What the hell?
25:16It's for a good cause.
25:27How much is that, matey?
25:30Why, yeah.
25:31What the heck?
25:31Oi.
25:36That's how I get.
25:45You know, it could have worked.
25:47It really could.
25:49Where's the cat?
25:50He won't be long.
25:52He's, you know, in the bushes.
26:00We've got to stop him.
26:18Don't ask.
26:23It's cold outside.
26:24There's no kind of atmosphere.
26:26I'm all alone, more or less.
26:29Let me fly far away from here.
26:33Fun, fun, fun.
26:36In the sun, sun, sun.
26:39Fun, fun.
26:40I want to lie.
26:42I want to lie.
26:42Shipwrecked and combatoes.
26:43Drinking fresh mango juice.
26:46Goldfish shows.
26:48Nibbling at my toes.
26:50Fun, fun, fun.
26:53In the sun, sun, sun.
26:56Fun, fun, fun.
26:59In the sun, sun, sun.
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