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A cult British sci-fi comedy series following Dave Lister, the last surviving human aboard the spaceship Red Dwarf after a deadly radiation leak wipes out the crew. Alongside a hologram roommate, a humanoid cat, and a neurotic mechanoid, he navigates bizarre space adventures filled with absurd humor, time travel, alien encounters, and satirical takes on humanity.

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#ScienceFiction, #Sitcom, #BritishComedy, #SpaceAdventure, #CultClassic, #ComedySeries, #TimeTravel, #Futuristic, #SpaceCrew, #AlienEncounters, #SciFiComedy, #DarkHumor, #Adventure, #SpaceSurvival, #ClassicTV, #Humor, #BritishTelevision, #Fantasy, #Satire, #RetroSciFi

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😹
Fun
Transcript
00:28Satsang with Mooji
01:06Three million years from Earth, the mining ship Red Dwarf.
01:10Its crew, Dave Lister, the last human being alive.
01:14Arnold Rimmer, a hologram of his dead bunkmate.
01:17And a creature who evolved from the ship's cap.
01:20Message in.
01:22Additional.
01:23On our journey back to Earth, we have encountered many strange and bizarre things.
01:27Only last month, we came across a moon which was shaped exactly like Felicity Kendall's bottom.
01:35We flew around that one a couple of times.
01:37Sorry.
01:44Okay.
01:46Rimmer, make this quick.
01:48Sir, I wish to place on record that third technician, Lister David...
01:52Quicker than that, Rimmer.
01:53...smuggled aboard the mining vessel Red Dwarf for consignment of the hallucinogenic fungi, Titan Mushrooms.
01:59More popularly known to the space beatnik community as Freaky Fungus.
02:04Is this true?
02:05Um, sort of.
02:07And on the morning of February the 26th at 0800 hours, did engage in conversation with second technician, Rimmer Arnold
02:13J.
02:13For crying out loud, Rimmer.
02:15The outcome of which was a proposal by the aforementioned Lister to the aforementioned Rimmer to cook him breakfast.
02:20Okay, I'm getting the picture.
02:22Breakfast comprised of two eggs, three rashes of bacon, a grilled tomato, two sausages, a small portion of fried potatoes,
02:28and a large quantity of mushrooms.
02:31Having consumed this repast, second technician, Rimmer Arnold J., experienced what can only be described as a voyage to trip
02:38-out city.
02:40To wit, a major hallucinogenic fit.
02:43Lister, is this true?
02:45No, sir.
02:46I'm sure it was only one egg.
02:49The aforementioned Rimmer, to wit, me, then attended inspection parade.
02:54He was totally naked except for a pair of mock leather driving gloves and some blue swimming goggles.
02:59Under the influence of this psychedelic breakfast, he went on to attack two senior officers, believing them to be giraffes
03:06who are armed and dangerous.
03:07You better have a good reason for this, Lister.
03:10I have seen.
03:11Why'd you do it?
03:13I thought it'd be a laugh.
03:16All right, two weeks, P.D., Lister.
03:18Dismissed.
03:19With respect, sir, the penalty for a crime of this nature is 15 years imprisonment.
03:23Thanks a lot.
03:24Rimmer, I said dismiss.
03:25Two weeks?
03:27That's enough.
03:28Two smegging weeks?
03:29I said that is enough.
03:33With respect, sir, you've got your head right up your big fat ass.
03:39Eight weeks, P.D.?
03:40How come I get eight weeks, you get only two?
03:42What did I do to deserve that?
03:43What did I do?
03:46Well, you shouldn't have stuck your pencil up his nose.
03:48It was the rubber end.
03:50Plus, the doctor will get it out in no time.
03:51You ripped up and ate his wife's photograph.
03:54I didn't know it was his wife.
03:55I thought it was a publicity shot from Planet of the Apes.
03:57Oh, two tears.
03:59Excuse me.
04:01Listen, man, I'm sorry about those mushrooms, you know.
04:04I mean, I didn't know.
04:05I'm not totally reckless and irresponsible, for God's sake.
04:07I mean, when it comes down to it, I'm a pretty straight and honest geezer.
04:11Where'd you get them?
04:11I nicked them.
04:12They were in the kids' house.
04:14They must have belonged to Headbanger Harris.
04:19Why didn't you tell the captain this?
04:20What?
04:21Get someone into trouble?
04:22Oh, no.
04:23Eight weeks painting the smegging ship?
04:25I'm sorry.
04:26Get the space suits.
04:29I don't want you to panic, Arnold.
04:31I want you to stay absolutely calm.
04:33I'm coming out in a moment, and I want you to keep your cool.
04:36Are you ready?
04:37Here I come.
04:41There.
04:42That wasn't too bad, was it?
04:43Look, we found a stasis leak on floor 16.
04:46I'm dead now, and you're not.
04:48But if I save you, you won't die.
04:50So I won't die.
04:51And you won't be dead either.
04:52And neither will I.
05:08Good book?
05:09Yeah, it's all right.
05:11I didn't think you read.
05:13I don't much, but this is good.
05:14What is it?
05:15It's your diary.
05:16What?
05:18I didn't know you sent secret love letters to Carol Macaulay.
05:22Listen, that is my private, personal, private diary,
05:24full of my personal, private, personal things.
05:28It's gone public.
05:30I don't believe it.
05:32You've been reading it out to the cat?
05:33Only the best bits.
05:35Carol Macaulay, your eyes are like two limpid pools of loveliness.
05:40Shut up.
05:40Your hair is like a golden waterfall.
05:43Shut up.
05:44Plus, those short skirts you wear make me really horny.
05:48Lister, I order you to shut your face.
05:50It's no big deal.
05:51You know, you can read my diary.
05:52Who'd want to read your diary?
05:54It's full of puerile nonsense about Christine Kachansky.
05:57Ah, so you've read my diary?
06:00Yes, but at least I have the common decency to do it sneakily behind your back.
06:05That's right.
06:05That is definitely the decent thing to do.
06:08I'm doing it for a reason, anyway.
06:09Look what I found in Kachansky's quarters this morning.
06:14So?
06:14Well, look at it.
06:15It's a wedding photograph.
06:16Yeah, and who is the incredibly gorgeous hunky beefcake she's married?
06:21It's you, but you didn't marry Kachansky.
06:23Exactly.
06:24So how is this possible, unless somehow we go back in time?
06:29What's this got to do with my diary?
06:31It's this behavior about the mushrooms, isn't it?
06:33You see, when you saw your head coming through the table,
06:35I don't think it was an hallucination.
06:37I think you were seeing you now, arriving back in the past.
06:41There's a wise old cat saying, which I think applies in this situation.
06:45It goes,
06:46What are you talking about, dog breath?
06:50Listen to what it said.
06:51It says,
06:52The head came through the table and said,
06:53I'm from the future.
06:54I've come to save your life.
06:56We found a stasis leak on floor 16.
06:58You see, I don't think it was an hallucination.
07:01What's a stasis leak?
07:03All right, dudes.
07:04What's going down in Groovetown, then?
07:06All right, Hull.
07:07Listen, what's a stasis leak?
07:09Oh, well, very, very basically,
07:10putting it as simply as I can for your average layman to comprehend,
07:14a stasis leak is a leak, right?
07:16In stasis.
07:17Hence the name, A Stasis Leak.
07:20You don't know, do you, Hull?
07:21No, I don't.
07:23Well, I suggest we go down to floor 16 and see what's there.
07:27How come he never, ever knows anything?
07:29He's supposed to have an IQ of 6,000.
07:316,000's not that much.
07:33It's only the same IQ as 12,000 car park attendants.
07:38But you don't know anything.
07:39Listen, I happen to be one of the sleekest, most sophisticated computers ever devised by man.
07:44I'm the nearest thing you can get to infillable.
07:47Infallible.
07:48Exactly.
07:59Floor 16.
08:00This is going to take ages.
08:02Welcome to Express Lifts Descent to Floor 16.
08:05We will be going down 2,567 floors,
08:09and for a small extra charge,
08:11you can enjoy the in-lift movie, Gone with the Wind.
08:15If you look to your right and to your left,
08:18you will notice there are no exits.
08:21In the highly unlikely event of the lift having to make a crash landing,
08:25death is certain.
08:27Under your seat, you will find a cassette for recording your last one in Testament,
08:30and from above your head,
08:32a bag will drop containing sedatives and cyanide capsules.
08:36I hate this stuff.
08:37It really freaks me out.
08:38To take the cyanide capsule,
08:40simply break open,
08:41like so,
08:42and place under the tongue.
08:52Thank you for travelling, Express Lifts.
08:54We apologise for the delay.
08:56You should apologise for the chicken.
08:59First meal I ever had where the container tastes better than the food.
09:12This must be a stasis, Lee.
09:18OK, here we go.
09:33Safe.
09:34Come through.
09:46What is it?
09:47It's a rent in the space-time continuum.
09:51What is it?
09:52The stasis room freezes time,
09:54you know, it makes time stand still.
09:56So whenever you have a leak,
09:57it must preserve whatever it's leaked into,
09:59and it's leaked into this room.
10:00What is it?
10:01Oh, it's singularity.
10:03A point in the universe
10:04where the normal laws of space and time don't apply.
10:08What is it?
10:09It's a rent in the space.
10:11Oh, a magic door.
10:13Well, why didn't you say?
10:14It's more into the second.
10:16That's what?
10:17Three weeks before the guru got wiped out?
10:22Hi.
10:23Hi.
10:24Hi.
10:26Do you mind?
10:27This is the annual general meeting of the Agnophobic Society.
10:32I wonder, can we bring anybody back?
10:44Not unless we want them to hand into power, all day.
10:47Who are you thinking of bringing back?
10:49Me.
10:50Let's do it.
11:14What's the point in going if you can't bring anybody back?
11:18You've seen a photograph of Maria.
11:20But what's the point?
11:21In three weeks, she'll be radioactive dust.
11:24You may as well marry a box of Daz.
11:29I'm going to stay with her.
11:31You're going to stay with her?
11:32For the sake of three weeks together, you're going to give up your life?
11:36Yeah.
11:37I don't believe it.
11:39Mr. Selfish or what?
11:41Hey.
11:42What about me?
11:43I've given you the best years of my death.
11:47Is that it then?
11:48Three years, thanks a lot, pal, I'm off.
11:50No sort of regrets?
11:52Not so much as a lump in your throat?
11:54No, you're thinking of Kachansky.
11:56The only lump you've got is down the front of your trousers.
11:59I'm going for it, Rimmer.
12:01If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you don't get many shots at happiness.
12:04So when you do, go for them all.
12:06I'm sharing a bunk with a character out of a Barbara Cartland novel.
12:11What would you do in my place?
12:13I don't know.
12:14I don't do what you like.
12:15Where are you coming from, Rimmer?
12:16You don't even like me.
12:18Don't I?
12:18No.
12:19Fine.
12:20You don't, though, do you?
12:20You don't even like me.
12:21That's what you think, is it?
12:22Yeah.
12:23I will tell you something that'll probably stun you rigid.
12:26What?
12:27You're right.
12:27I don't like you.
12:29I don't like what you stand for.
12:31But for some weird reason, I don't know, what is the point?
12:36Everything always goes wrong for me.
12:39I'm probably the only person in the world to buy a topic bar without a single hazelnut in it.
12:46It happens, you know, Rimmer.
12:48You know, you meet people and you move on, like.
12:51When I was ten, I had a mate called Duncan.
12:54Me best mate, you know.
12:56Taught me everything.
12:57He was the one who showed me how to put mirrors on me toe cap so I could look up
13:00girls' skirts.
13:02At the end, his dad had to move to Spain because of a job.
13:05It was a bank job he'd pulled in Pearlie.
13:09Never saw him again.
13:11Still think of him, no.
13:12Every time I look at me shoes.
13:15Don't try and explain it, Lister.
13:17I don't know why I'm even surprised.
13:19Everyone always leaves me in the end.
13:23Girls, parents.
13:24I had a pet lemming once.
13:29I loved that little lemming.
13:31I built him a little wall so he could hurl himself off it.
13:36He didn't want for anything.
13:39I'll never forget one Christmas, I put my finger in his cage to give him some mince pie.
13:43He bit me.
13:45He sunk his teeth right into my fingers and wouldn't let go.
13:49In the end, I had to smash his brains out against me.
13:53That little lemming broke my heart.
13:57The little git completely ruined my helicopter wallpaper.
14:03You know, maybe there is a way to bring people back from the past.
14:07Oh, how?
14:09Well, it's a spare status booth, isn't it?
14:11You could bring one person back if you could persuade them to go into suspended animation.
14:17They'd survive the accident.
14:18Yeah.
14:19And when they got back to now, you could bring them out and bingo.
14:23Brilliant.
14:24I could save my own life and I wouldn't be dead.
14:27Just think I could bring her back.
14:28I could bring me back.
14:30There'd be two me's.
14:31A dead me and a living me.
14:34One for the week and one for Sunday best.
14:38Hey, there's only room for one and that's Chrissie.
15:03Oh, don't look, baby.
15:06It'll drive you crazy.
15:07Hey, what do you think?
15:09You said looking conspicuous.
15:10Put this on.
15:11What?
15:13You'll stand out a mile like that.
15:14I wouldn't use this to buff my shoes.
15:16Look, you can't walk around the mining ship looking like a finalist from Cum Jivin'.
15:21But everyone will think I'm just an ordinary person.
15:23That's the point.
15:25They won't look at me and say,
15:26Who's that guy?
15:27He's gorgeous.
15:28Well, put it on.
15:29Oh, well, maybe if I widen the lapels a bit,
15:32put a couple of vents in, some sequins, some shoulder pads.
15:36Put it on.
15:38Where's Alphabet Head?
15:39Rimm it?
15:41He sneaked off last night.
15:42He's only back in the past trying to save his own worthless hide.
15:47You reading me, Hob?
15:49Oh, I can see right down your gob.
15:52Good.
15:53Let's go.
15:53I don't like being a watch dangling about all sideways and upside down.
15:58And give me fair warning for you.
15:59Put your hand in your pocket.
16:01Gave me such a fright last time with that huge licorice all-sort covered in fluff.
16:06Oh, cheers, Hob.
16:08Here we go again.
16:10Put that on.
16:19Shit.
16:20Look here it is, man.
16:21Just stick with me, okay?
16:23Okay?
16:25Okay?
16:29Um, did you all get a kissy drop?
16:33I'm sorry.
16:43Excuse me.
16:44Um, did you see a short human with little pigtails come through here?
16:47Oh, cut!
16:50Don't worry.
16:51It's personality that counts.
16:58Felicitations, beautiful ladies.
17:00Back from Planet Lee?
17:02Let me take those heavy cases.
17:04My name is Olaf Peterson.
17:05I am very good in bed.
17:10It's always an honour to carry the personal luggages of such beautiful ladies.
17:17Peterson!
17:18Oh, hi.
17:19Peterson, how are you, mate?
17:21I don't believe it.
17:22It's you.
17:23I've missed you, you know.
17:25Give us a kiss, you smelly-ass smegger.
17:28Mwah!
17:30He's just a friend.
17:32I don't believe it.
17:34He hasn't seen me since breakfast.
17:37But I'll come and see you later.
17:39Sure.
17:40No, I promise I'll come to your room and see you.
17:42Lister, you'll die for this.
17:50That was Peterson and old mates of mine.
17:52We were like that.
17:53I never thought.
17:55I mean, just think, I'm going to be able to see everybody again.
17:59Oi, give us a break, Dave.
18:00It's like a tropical rainforest.
18:03Sorry, Hob.
18:06Wow!
18:07I've never been this close to women before.
18:10It makes me want to do something.
18:11But I don't know what it is.
18:13Whatever it is, I want to do a lot of it.
18:16Yeah!
18:17I wonder what Rimmer's doing.
18:19I didn't know it was his wife.
18:21I thought it was a publicity shot from Planet of the Apes.
18:23Oh, two tees.
18:25Excuse me.
18:27Listen, man, I'm sorry about those mushrooms, you know.
18:29I mean, I didn't know.
18:31I'm not totally reckless and irresponsible, for God's sake.
18:42Why didn't you tell the captain this?
18:44What?
18:44Get someone into trouble?
18:46Oh, no.
18:46Eight weeks painting the smegging ship?
18:48I'm sorry.
18:49Get the space suits.
18:53I don't want you to panic, Harmel.
18:54I want you to stay absolutely calm.
18:56I'm coming out in a moment, and I want you to keep your cool.
18:59Are you ready?
19:00Here I come.
19:04Look, we found a stasis leak on floor 16.
19:07I'm dead now, and you're not.
19:09But if I save you, you won't die.
19:11So I won't die.
19:12And you won't be dead either.
19:13And neither will I.
19:16I may as well tell you right away I know what you are.
19:19You do?
19:20You're a mushroom, aren't you?
19:22What?
19:23An hallucination.
19:24Go away.
19:25No, look.
19:27I'm you from the future.
19:28I've come to warn you in three million years you'll be dead.
19:31Will I really?
19:33Yes, unless you do something about it now.
19:35Then what do you suggest?
19:36Give up white bread, more roughage?
19:38You're not listening.
19:39You've got to go into stasis.
19:41Go away.
19:42I'll be back soon.
19:47Stay calm.
19:48It's gone now.
20:06Now you've turned into a chicken.
20:10Listen, I just want to apologize.
20:12We both got a little carried away.
20:15I've been under a lot of pressure.
20:17Go away.
20:19Obviously, I shouldn't have given you PD.
20:22I just got a little riled.
20:23Did you indeed?
20:25How sad for you, Captain Paxo.
20:28What?
20:29Oh, oh, this.
20:30Now, this is for the party tonight.
20:33Half man, half chicken.
20:35You don't scare me.
20:36Because I know what you are.
20:42Now, kindly cluck off before I extract your giblets and shove a large seasoned onion between
20:47the lips you never kiss with.
20:50Forget everything I just said.
20:53You have got eight months, PD.
20:56Well, we have a bit of a problem here, don't we?
20:58Because I don't take orders from poultry.
21:01No, Rimmer.
21:02Make that eight years.
21:04Fine.
21:05I'll make a note of it, shall I?
21:10Eight years.
21:12There we go.
21:20Hi, is Christine in?
21:22No, she's still on planet leave.
21:24Oh, smag.
21:25Did she say where she was staying?
21:26She said something about the Gallymeat Holiday Inn.
21:29Cheers.
21:50Excuse me.
21:53No, no, down here.
21:55Have you seen a man who's lost his luggage?
21:57About five foot ten, mousy hair.
21:59No, I haven't.
22:01Oh, no.
22:02I'll bet they sent him to the wrong bloody airport again.
22:06Oh, sorry.
22:08Oh, and he's trying to strangle that woman.
22:24Don't worry, madam.
22:25His strangling days are over.
22:27Can't we got it?
22:28We've got it.
22:29008 this way.
22:30What are you attacking people's clothing for?
22:32Ow!
22:34Yeah.
22:37Well.
22:52She's already married.
22:57What about the photograph?
23:04I'm not the groom.
23:05He's the groom.
23:07Hey!
23:09She's not as stupid as we thought.
23:17Why do women always leave me for total smegheads?
23:21Why did he dump me for men who wear turtleneck sweaters and smoke a pipe?
23:26I mean, natural yoghurt eaters.
23:28Reliable, sensible, dependable.
23:32And lots of other words that end in ible.
23:34He's obsessed with house prices and spends half his life in antique fairs
23:39looking for bargains and drinking wine.
23:42It's never beer, is it?
23:43It's always wine.
23:46What do you want on your cornflakes, darling?
23:48Oh, I'll have some wine, please.
23:51Smack!
23:55You can tell all that just from a photograph?
23:58Oh, boy, not your pockets.
24:04Dear, oh, dear.
24:05It's horrible down there.
24:07There's a big hole.
24:08It's an unbelievable view.
24:10Reminds me of that film, Attack of the Killer Goosberries.
24:14Come on, Holl.
24:15I'm broken up, man.
24:17I was in love once.
24:18A Sinclair ZX81.
24:21People said, no, Holly, she's not for you.
24:23She's cheap.
24:24She's stupid.
24:25And she wouldn't load.
24:27Well, not for me, anyway.
24:29What are you trying to say, Holl?
24:30What I'm saying, Dave, is that it's better to have loved and to have lost
24:34than to listen to an album by Olivia Newton-John.
24:37Why's that?
24:38Anything's better than listening to an album by Olivia Newton-John.
24:43Oh, hi, it's you.
24:45Uh, hi.
24:47Come in.
24:48No, no, we were just passing.
24:50Come in.
24:51No, no, really, it's OK.
24:52Cal, come on, we've got to go.
24:56Oh!
25:00I just got married.
25:02Oh, great.
25:03He's in the shower.
25:05Uh-huh.
25:06I think you'll really like him.
25:07Oh, I bet.
25:09Do you want a screwdriver?
25:11I'd rather have a hammer.
25:16So, how you doing, kid?
25:20What is this?
25:22A meeting of the ugly convention?
25:23Where did you come from?
25:25The bathroom?
25:27Well, they don't look very pleased to see me.
25:29Well, quite frankly, I'm not.
25:31I mean, I came here today because I thought I was going to get married.
25:34And you did.
25:35No, he did.
25:36But he's you.
25:37No, I'm me.
25:38Well, who's he then?
25:39He's him.
25:40If he's you and you're him, and you're him and he's him,
25:44am I still me?
25:46Who's eating this chicken?
25:49What the hell is going on?
25:51Look, look, look, listen.
25:52In five years' time, you'll find another way to come back in time.
25:56So it does work out.
25:58Eventually.
25:59So how about a Frenchie from your future bride?
26:02No way.
26:03On your space bike.
26:05Ah!
26:10So listen, what do I do now?
26:13Go back to where you came from and wait for five years.
26:16Have I always been such a smeghead?
26:18Or did I change?
26:19You've always been like that.
26:20Ouch!
26:21So listen, man, you've lived my life for the last five years.
26:24So what's the single most important piece of advice that you can give me?
26:30Erm...
26:30Oh, yeah.
26:31Three years from now, you will go through a cosmic storm and enter a parallel universe.
26:36You'll materialise on an exact replica of Earth in the year 1989.
26:40You'll want to go to the theatre.
26:42Whatever you do, don't go and see a room for your wife.
26:47Smeghead.
26:48And you.
27:15Not your stomach will change in the blood.
27:19so they won't come back again just stay calm keep cool and get some sleep there
27:27he is sleeping like a baby I'm gonna get better and then I'm gonna kill him if
27:31you need anything call Holly
27:45I don't want you to panic Arnold and I think I know how to explain this to
27:52you hi hi I'm staying calm this time good you're really there
28:03you are we've been looking for you everywhere not now Lister two listers and
28:09a strange man with large teeth hey I'm a cat of course you're a cat come in sit
28:15down there's plenty of room yo three listers
28:22perhaps Lister here would like to go over to the fridge and open a bottle of wine
28:27for Lister and Lister Rimmer here doesn't drink because he's dead but I wouldn't
28:32bind a glass I don't want anyone to get into a flap here but I'm the Rimmer who's
28:37from the double double I'm the Rimmer who's with the Lister who married
28:42Kachansky now from this point on things get a little bit confusing
28:51before anyone says anything else I just like to make a little speech
28:55go away
29:01it's cold outside there's no kind of atmosphere I'm all alone
29:06more or less let me fly
29:10far away from here
29:12fun fun fun fun in the sun sun sun I want you to lie ship the Lister called my toes
29:22drinking fresh mango juice goldfish shows living on my toes fun fun fun fun fun in the sun sun sun
29:34fun fun fun fun fun in the sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun
29:43sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun
29:43sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun
29:43sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun
29:43sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun
29:49sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun
29:49sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun
29:49sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun
29:54sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun
29:54sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun
29:54sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun
29:54sun
29:54You
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