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  • 2 days ago
J is for Genius

Jonesy challenges Nikki to an IQ face off by taking IQ tests, so Jonesy pays Wayne to switch his test with a copy of his, leading Jonesy to have a 99% score and be hired as a computer technician in the computer store "Things That Beep." Meanwhile, Jen gets along with the intern coach of The Penalty Box when Coach Halder takes a short leave of absence. Later, Jude and Ron get hooked on a romantic soap opera.

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TV
Transcript
00:00TIMES LESS!
00:09Do you realize in exactly one year to the day we have to start applying for university?
00:14That's cool.
00:15Wait, how do you know that?
00:17What can I say?
00:18I'm an organizational machine.
00:19I am so gonna rock the preppy collegiate look.
00:23Feels like just yesterday I was chasing the boob.
00:27Uh, it was just yesterday, with that new hottie at the penalty box.
00:31Oh, yeah! She was hot!
00:35Hey, are you guys gonna go to university together, Nikki?
00:39Why are you asking Nikki?
00:40Because Nikki's the go-to person in your relationship.
00:43Totally.
00:44Nikki's not the go-to person!
00:46Wait, what's a go-to person?
00:48In every couple, there's one person who makes the decisions and has all the answers.
00:52In your relationship, that's Nikki.
00:54What? I'm totally the go-to person.
00:57Right.
00:59In your dreams.
01:00Well, I've always wanted to go to Banting.
01:02They have an amazing poli-sci program, but it is pretty tough to get into.
01:07Are you saying I don't have the goods to get into your dumb school?
01:10No, I'm saying you don't have the goods to get into my smart school.
01:13Don't let the good looks fool you. Up here is a well-oiled machine.
01:17If you say so.
01:18I'll prove it. With this.
01:21Hm. An IQ test?
01:22They're doing them in that tent right over there.
01:25This will be like taking candy from a baby.
01:28Babies have it made. Boobs and candy.
01:33Ah.
01:38Go Jonesy! Go Jonesy!
01:40Go Jonesy!
01:41The brain in the world won't help you pass the test.
01:44See you at the IQ 10 to 3.
01:46Hey, don't be late.
01:48Ah, the sound of hot air escaping an empty brain cavity.
01:52Aren't you even the least bit worried?
01:54No offense, but in the IQ department, Nikki's got you licked.
01:58I don't need book smarts.
02:00I got something way more valuable.
02:03Limited edition hockey cards?
02:05No, Jude. Street smarts. And guy smarts.
02:08You make up for what you don't have in confidence.
02:11It's about knowing you're the best, even if you're not.
02:15Can't wait to see this.
02:18All right, Team Huddle!
02:21I have a very important announcement.
02:23After six long seasons, this coach is taking a timeout in beautiful Los Cabos.
02:30You're going on vacation?
02:32Nice!
02:33My friend Jane here will be calling the shots while I'm gone.
02:37She has her own chain of sporting goods stores,
02:38a degree in sports medicine, a zero handicap in golf,
02:41and she still has time to supply soccer balls to poor kids in developing countries.
02:46I'm really excited to be part of the Penalty Box team.
02:49I hope we can all learn a lot from each other.
02:51Okay. Wow. Wowie. Wow. Wow.
02:54Ahem. You're standing on my foot?
02:56Oh. Sorry.
03:00Pirates of the Penguin Sea, Dumber and Dummies Part 4, The Dumbining, I Talk to Dead Cats.
03:07Oh. Why can't anyone make a good movie anymore?
03:10Hear that, bro.
03:12Something with heart. Something with soul.
03:14Something that makes you think about the devastating purity of the human spirit.
03:17Something with chicks.
03:19You said it.
03:20Oops. Almost forgot.
03:22Booty in the Borough?
03:24You rented Booty in the Borough?
03:26Nah, they're my mom's.
03:28She asked me to return them.
03:30Why? They good?
03:31It's a chick series about dating in your 30s.
03:34Lonely and single Carla wants more than a one night stand,
03:39but she's looking for love with all the wrong guys.
03:43Dude, there's sex in H-E-R-E.
03:50I spelled the wrong word.
03:52You go, girl.
03:54Just drop the DVDs in the return slot so we can get out of here.
04:03You look like you could use a new SX360 to go with your tennis balls.
04:08It's super lightweight, and it'll help you shed those unwanted love handles.
04:14Ugh. Another sale bites the dust.
04:20Jen? What are you doing?
04:21Coach always makes us take a five-minute major for losing a sale.
04:25Get out of there.
04:25Your job isn't to sell customers things they don't need.
04:28It isn't?
04:29You're doing a great job, Jen.
04:31The way you handled that bungled shipment today?
04:34Amazing.
04:34You can even cash out tonight if you like.
04:36Oh, I'd like.
04:38Coach doesn't think I can count to ten, let alone cash out.
04:41Ooh, one last thing.
04:44You're not following through on your backhand.
04:46See?
04:47Twice the power.
04:49Ow.
04:50Nice shot.
04:55Hmm.
04:56Okay.
04:57You'll be hearing from my lawyers.
04:59No cheat sheets, wiretaps, or camera phones.
05:01He's clean.
05:02The fact that you think I would cheat on this test hurts me deeply.
05:07Let the IQing begin.
05:09You've got two hours.
05:11I have to write a test for two whole hours?
05:14On your mark, get set, start writing.
05:19Go, Joey!
05:19Go, Joey!
05:20Go, Joey!
05:21Go, Joey!
05:21Then, go, Joey!
05:24Cheryl, go, Joey!
05:27Do you have that ruby-rouge lip shine you always wear?
05:30Never leave home without it.
05:31Why?
05:32Jane wears it, too.
05:33Maybe it would look good on me.
05:35Who's Jane?
05:37Only the best manager ever!
05:40Shh...
05:41Hurry!
05:45Time's up.
05:46Pencils down.
05:49What?
05:50Hey, I wasn't finished you are now
05:54The results should be ready in a few hours
05:58so
06:00So how badly did I kick your butt or so how does it feel to be so brilliant?
06:05Oh, no, you've broken your brain. Um, that was my pencil
06:11Pencil I can see how someone of your intelligence might get the two confused
06:16I'm off to find a job worthy of my advanced intelligence
06:20New Jersey sweet potatoes is hiring actually things that beep is looking for a computer technician
06:25They could use someone like me. Yeah to clean out the trash cans for the real geniuses
06:31Nikki thinks she's one now, but she'll be sorry
06:42Yeah, so uh
06:44I could get in a lot of trouble for selling counterfeit tests if my identity was to become known
06:49Your secret is safe with me
06:52Why is it so dark in here?
06:53Oh
06:54Busted
06:55So Nikki was right. You are cheating
06:58Wait, aren't you a little late?
07:01You already wrote the test like I could cheat with Nikki watching me like a hawk
07:04I had to think outside the test box a little bait and switch and presto
07:10I'm declared a genius
07:11Isn't it much better to win fair and square?
07:18Oh, Wyatt, Wyatt, Wyatt
07:19If I let Nikki win, there'll be no living with her
07:22I'm cheating for the good of our relationship
07:25This goes against everything I believe in
07:27Luckily, I don't believe in anything, so it's all good
07:31What if Edna sees you?
07:32What if you get caught?
07:33What if I get arrested for guilt by association?
07:35Dude, chill
07:36The Jones Meister may not be a genius when it comes to books and numbers and stuff
07:40But I'm the Stephen Hawking of debate and switch
07:43Watch and learn
07:58Excuse me, I think you dropped these
08:01Gosh, what a polite young man
08:06Where'd you learn to do that?
08:08These things can't be taught, Wyatt, my man
08:10You've either got it or you don't
08:12Do I got it?
08:13No
08:21Okay, booty in the burrow
08:23Time to entertain me
08:26I've never enjoyed being caught in the rain so much
08:29What's your name, handsome?
08:32Your umbrella's poking me in the eye
08:38Awesome
08:41Players are for paying customers only
08:44But I need to know what happens with the pretty chick and the handsome dude
08:50Hands off my booty in the burrow
08:53Later
08:56Slow down
08:57Where's the fire?
08:58I need my lip shine back
09:00I'm starting to chat
09:03Afternoon girls
09:08Jem, is that you?
09:10Nikki, Caitlin
09:11I'd like you to meet my new manager, Jane
09:13Good call in the lip shine
09:15Good call in the lip shine
09:16We should probably get started on the stock room
09:18Love to stay and chat
09:20But Jane's gonna show me how to stack golf balls into a pyramid
09:23Circles into triangular form
09:25Oh fun
09:26That's what I said
09:35That's crazy
09:36Jen is totally Jane's mini me
09:39Huh
09:40Jen really needs to learn to be your own person
09:42It's crazy because if there's anyone Jen should be copying
09:45It's me
09:48Just be careful
09:49Mr. Handsome is a notorious womanizer
09:51Someone so cute can't be wrong
09:55What's life without a little risk?
09:57Don't do it, brah
09:58You're better than that
10:02I'm okay
10:05Jude
10:05What are you doing here?
10:07Watching my stories
10:09Well, you can't do it in here
10:10There isn't enough room for you
10:12Me, Jane
10:13And all our golf balls
10:16There's gotta be somewhere I can watch my stories
10:23Ron's out doing his rounds
10:26Wicked
10:31Whatever happens
10:32I'll be here for you
10:36Nikki Wong
10:36Top 5 percentile
10:38Ha-ha
10:39Read it and weep, sucka
10:40Weep, that's our Nikki
10:44Oh, come on
10:46Don't rush me
10:47I want to savor the moment
10:48The moment before you lose
10:52I didn't do as well as I had thought
10:55Ha-ha, I knew it
10:56I did better
10:58Top 1 percentile
10:59I believe you were saying something about
11:01Read it and weep
11:03Jonesy Garcia
11:05Certified
11:05Certified
11:06Genius
11:10It's okay
11:10I gotcha
11:11Maybe there was some kind of mistake
11:13I'll feel this one
11:14Since I'm obviously the go-to
11:17Person now
11:18Only mistake is you guys
11:20Underestimating me
11:21I'm the smartest
11:23I'm the smartest
11:25I'm the smartest
11:26I'm the smartest
11:28I'm the smartest
11:41I'm the smartest
11:52What are you wearing this look is for my new job as IT advisor at things that be
11:59You got a job as an IT
12:02Advisor when they heard about my test scores Darth offered me the job
12:06But you don't know the first thing about computers Nikki. I'm a genius. I'll learn
12:11Here you go ladies Jonesy Garcia top 1% tile
12:19uh
12:20Mr.. Genius you spelled percentile wrong her scent tile
12:27Looks okay to me. Oh
12:29I give up
12:39Finally some peace and quiet so I can watch my stories I went over to his place and a girl
12:46answered the door
12:47Oh, honey, did you slap that good-for-nothing cat?
12:50Not exactly don't tell me you stayed only after the other girl left
13:02Hey old buddy
13:11If I didn't know better I'd swear that was the stench of adolescence
13:20Jane likes it full but not too full and no pulp Jane hates pulp. It's a lemon squishy
13:26That's what they are pulp. Sorry. No pulp Jane's orders
13:30Did Jane also order you to talk act and dress exactly like her what's wrong with the way I look
13:36nothing?
13:38It's just that ever since Jane came to town. You haven't been acting like yourself. I think you have a
13:43girl crush
13:44That's ridiculous. I like boys
13:46A girl crush is a non sexual thing. It's a strong attraction that one girl has for another who is
13:56beautiful
13:58Sophisticated charming and accomplished
14:00Wow Jude how do you know so much about girl crushes Carla?
14:04I mean I heard it somewhere that doesn't sound right girl crushes are powerful things do that trust me
14:13I have girls crushing on me all the time for the last time
14:16I don't have a girl crush
14:18Jane is the first person who's ever treated me like an adult. I like and respect her, okay?
14:27You're doing a great job Harold the way you handled that irate customer impressive
14:34Did you see that? Jane is totally cheating on Jen
14:38Everyone's cheating
14:40First jonesy on his IQ test then mr. Handsome on Carla now Jane. What did you just say?
14:47Mr. Handsome is cheating on Carla. No no before that
14:51Um
14:52The part where I accidentally let it slip after why it swore me to secrecy the jonesy cheated on his
14:59IQ test
15:00That's the part ah
15:02Jonesy has gone too far this time
15:05Poor Jen's in for a broken girl crush heart. This will kill her. I may not have long to live
15:12either brah
15:14All my emails are coming in as weird mime files. Ah the infamous mime file
15:20mega
15:21Irritating mooch email will suck your computer dry best thing to do is just ignore it till it goes away.
15:29I
15:30Had my doubts garcia, but you have the jedi gift. I just want to use my vast intellect to make
15:36other people happy
15:40My first paycheck much better than that my bad one
15:45You're one of us now
15:55I
15:55Popcorn I knew it
15:58My precious security console has been used to play
16:02Booty and the burrow sounds tawdry and immoral
16:06Maybe I'm not just another notch on mr. Handsome's bedpost
16:10Honey, there's no room left on his bedposts
16:13Who's this?
16:15Mr. Handsome
16:17I hereby call this meeting of poetic geniuses to order
16:25Chrissy what are you doing here?
16:27Just because I'm pretty doesn't mean I'm not smart
16:29I know what a burden looks and brains can be
16:33What do you guys do at these meetings sit around and marvel at the size of our brains?
16:37Let's see if what they say about you is true
16:44Let's give someone else a chance. I don't want to be a calculus hog
16:51Hey, he looks smart
16:52You watch too many movies
16:58I think we need to talk
17:00About what gorgeous?
17:01You're rampant cheating, that's what
17:03It's either all those other women or me
17:06I picked all the other women
17:08Aha! Caught you, bro
17:11You're totally hooked on booty and the burrow
17:15I don't get why mr. Handsome doesn't love carla
17:19A girl like that cute sassy smart as a whip
17:22They come around once in a lifetime son
17:25Plus she's got killer style
17:28I hear that
17:35Nana always said 47 was the answer to all of life's mysteries
17:42Wrong! The answer is x to the power of 10!
17:46Mickey was right
17:47You are a rebel imposter
17:50Nicky? You did this?
17:51I set you up, Poindexter
17:53You're not a genius and I just proved it
17:55But why?
17:57Because you cheated
17:58I'm gonna kill Wyatt
17:59Did you really think there was such a thing as the poetic geniuses?
18:04And that Chrissy's smart enough to be one of them?
18:07I am getting a week of unpaid overtime out of you
18:10True
18:11You see what lows you make me stoop to?
18:14You know what?
18:15You're kind of hot when you're scamming
18:17Please stop with the hot already
18:19Just admit that I got you
18:21Yeah, but I got you first
18:23Yeah, but I got you better
18:26Fine, let's call it even
18:34Where's Jane?
18:35I brought her her favorite latte
18:37Hey, thanks for the java
18:39Oh, and uh, Jane left this for you
18:41She didn't even say goodbye
18:45Don't forget to order more sports socks, Jane
18:48Oh
18:50Jane does care
18:54Even though I couldn't afford them
18:56I decided the best way to walk out of Mr. Handsome's life for good
19:00Was with a new pair of sexy shoes
19:03This is the best TV series ever
19:08And so exactly like our whole lives
19:13Maybe we're bonding a bit too much
19:16Dude
19:17What happens in the trenches, son
19:19Stays in the trenches
19:21You got that, soldier
19:24Now pass me the last bonbon
19:35I love you, step bro
19:36But a genius, you are not
19:38It was smart enough to fool all of you
19:41There's all different kinds of genius
19:43Like I'm a genius with colors and fabrics
19:46And I'm a genius on the ski slopes
19:48And I'm a genius with the beats
19:49Nikki, are you okay?
19:52She's just mad because Kristen beat her by two points on the IQ test
19:56She must have cheated
19:57I'm just glad I don't have to keep your secret anymore
20:00It was killing me
20:01Speaking of killing someone
20:02Anyone seen Jude?
20:08What was that all about?
20:10When two men emotionally bond
20:12They often feel they must hide their newfound sensitivity
20:15Lest they be judged as soft or weak
20:19Dude
20:21Give me those booty DVDs
20:24You've been watching way too many of those
20:26You're starting to freak me out
20:27Yeah, bring back the old Jude
20:29Oh, dudes
20:30Let's go
20:31You're my stories
20:32Oh, dude
20:33No
20:34Oh, dude
20:35Oh, dude
20:35Oh, dude
20:35Oh, dude
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