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00:04hey no kids you're getting marker on the table ray do something don't mark the table kids
00:14here it's the user's newspaper for your information i was reading something that
00:25the president of the united states said yeah what did the president say to marma duke
00:33tell your wife to lighten up
00:38hey hey robert hi kids hi uncle robert hi i drew a picture of your uncle robert oh
00:48and that's mommy in the picture too oh great and where is your dad i didn't draw him
00:56may i keep this yeah well they're not done yet they still gotta draw the bolts in your neck
01:13now that raymond is not nice and that's why you're not in the picture
01:20what is this as we honor frank barone's memory we should also be honest about who he was in life
01:26because he always believed in telling it like it is that's on the back of your picture
01:33michael where'd you get that paper from daddy's office he was in life honor frank barone's memory
01:41this sounds like he's passed on
01:51michael why would you write this
02:01it's making me crazy crazy
02:30what the hell is that man it's nothing it's
02:33look sometimes when a when a sports star dies i write a column that's like an appreciation for him
02:40oh i see okay now it all makes sense except that isn't a dead sports star
02:47unless he got really good at hockey this morning and then you killed him
02:52look i was writing a real appreciation for someone else and i i don't know i just had some thoughts
02:57about what i might say for dad an appreciation of your father really
03:04and you know what i'd like to know why would you just assume that you get to do the eulogy
03:09huh
03:09what's going to be my job at the funeral keeping your screaming fans off the stage
03:19it's not it's not a eulogy it's i jotted a few things down oh jotted you jotted did you
03:26there's like eight paragraphs right here hey i'm a professional writer remember okay for me this is
03:32like doodling in fact i wrote more than this wait a minute
03:38hey guys guys is uh is this all that you drew no we drew a lot really good great where
03:45are the
03:45other pictures i gave them to grandma no that is weird
04:05oh hello raymond hey hello
04:11hey uh how's everybody good are you hungry dear no no no no no no i'm okay oh yeah yeah
04:19you know
04:19what i'll get it no you do enough of that at home sit down well no let me just see
04:24let me see
04:24what's in the fridge what's in the fridge what do you like to eat raymond oh i got lasagna
04:34what else you got
04:36i got ham oh delicious i put a glaze of pineapple on it
04:47you got any frozen treats yeah i got some fudge pops
05:02uh ma i'll be right back i gotta go i gotta put the thing in the thing hey whoa what
05:07are you doing
05:08with those oh yeah these are the kids pictures i've just i'm gonna frame them all that chicken scratch
05:16what does it say to your children if you frame even their worst crap
05:22it says you love them no it says you love crap
05:30okay all right i'll see you hey hold on you can't take those what why not you just said they
05:35were crap
05:36oh yes i did but they're my crap i'm watching the game okay
05:45you know what i'm just gonna i'm gonna watch the game with dad he doesn't have it
05:50what the picture you're looking for what what are you talking about the one with your father's eulogy on
05:57the back oh did he say it of course not look i know it's it's awful and it's morbid and
06:07it's weird
06:09just tell me one thing where's mine
06:18you wrote a tribute for your father where's mine it's it's not a tribute it's just i i
06:25doodled a couple things that's all it's nothing uh-huh so i don't get one
06:31ma this is a eulogy i didn't write yours because
06:36because even thinking about it would make me too too sad oh sweet
06:45i'd like to see something by wednesday
06:54can you believe she wants me to write her eulogy now ray she's going to want you in the coffin
06:59with
06:59her yeah well i'd rather not do that either but you have to write your father's eulogy
07:11well it's like a writing challenge a challenge yeah how do you make people miss that guy
07:21see it's all it's all about well i mean this is kind of technical writer stuff no try me
07:29okay everybody thinks that my father is well a jerk how technical so you start by talking about
07:39his jerk-like qualities which everyone agrees with but also makes him feel a little guilty because
07:45he's laying there dead and all and that's when i hit him with an example of him being sweet
07:50and then it's boo-hoo frank we hardly knew ye
08:00and an example of sweet is yeah you think i don't got it i got it when when robin and
08:07i were kids we
08:07had this bunny we kept in a cage in the back i named him hoppy hoppy i'm a writer
08:18anyway my dad he always told me he hated him then one day in the middle of the night i
08:25come down
08:25to get some juice and i go in the kitchen and i look out the window and i see him
08:30there and he's
08:31got the cage open and he's sitting down next to it petting hoppy he was he was being all gentle
08:42so i don't know i just something about seeing him like that it just stayed with me
08:50i don't know i guess i just like thinking about him like that
08:56see i told you it's good stuff
09:02that's so sad well that's what you want in a eulogy
09:09that's dead
09:15oh it's sad because what it's been 35 years you you never told him this did you
09:21what told him what about petting the bunny yeah you gotta tell him that you saw him and
09:27and how it made you feel are you new here
09:39right you have you have to talk to him about this no i'm not so the only way that you
09:44could
09:44have a nice conversation with your father is if he's dead so you see my problem
09:58the kids mark the table
10:00i won the lottery 20 bucks congratulations frank yeah congratulations that's what a person says
10:10not what the banshee over there says i told you not to buy those things at the drugstore where's my
10:18prescription
10:20you didn't get a prescription she'll be fine
10:25look i won i reinvested i already scratched five but i'm having a bump streak
10:30i need to change up here you scratch what i get a cut right ten percent but if we win
10:39big no one tells
10:40your mother till i'm in rio with harriet lickman
10:53nothing nothing nothing uh it's rigged stupid new york state humps oh look at that you think
11:02you're gonna win then you don't that's how they get you
11:16oh
11:30Hey, Dad, remember that bunny that me and Robert had?
11:34Sure, that thing stank.
11:36Yeah.
11:37I think I named it Hoppy.
11:38I hated it.
11:41It's weird, you know.
11:42It's silly.
11:43I think I saw you petting him once.
11:46What?
11:48Yeah, yeah, you were petting a bunny.
11:50What are you, on drugs?
11:54No, no, I remember.
11:55I was like eight years old, and I came downstairs to get some juice, and I saw you petting it.
12:00Maybe you came downstairs to get some drugs.
12:06Frank, it's a nice memory.
12:08He thinks it's sweet.
12:09I don't give a rat's tail what he thinks.
12:12It never happened.
12:14All right, Dad, what are you making a big deal for?
12:15Because you make things up.
12:17I don't think so.
12:19Frank, Ray's trying to share something with you.
12:22Share a lie?
12:23No, no, about you.
12:27When he saw you pet that bunny...
12:29I didn't pet a bunny.
12:30No, Frank, you don't understand.
12:32I never pet a bunny!
12:33All right, Debra, forget about it, okay?
12:34No, no, Ray, Frank, what is wrong with you?
12:38You showed a gentle side to yourself.
12:40Why do I come here?
12:42I give you a chance to win millions, you give me this.
12:44All right, Dave, never mind, all right?
12:45Oh, you never mind.
12:47Give me the tickets.
12:48The deal is off.
12:49I don't share anything with liars.
13:08Are you sure he wasn't punching the bunny?
13:18Okay.
13:19Okay.
13:19Hi, Grandma.
13:20Here you go, Marie.
13:21A load of trouble for the night.
13:22Oh, they're no trouble.
13:24Oh, I made some cookies in a hurry
13:26before Uncle Robin and Grandpa eat them all.
13:29Cookies!
13:29Yay!
13:31No, no!
13:32Get back!
13:33Yeah.
13:36Hey, thanks for sitting, Marie.
13:37Yeah, thanks, Mom.
13:38Hey, uh, how's Dad doing?
13:40You didn't tell him about the eulogy, did you?
13:43No, why?
13:44Because ever since he got back yesterday,
13:46he's been in a terrible mood.
13:48Debra, did you give him something to eat?
13:55No, my...
13:56Debra, Debra made me bring up the bunny story with Dad.
13:59Then Frank got all angry and pretended it didn't happen.
14:03Why?
14:03It's a lovely story.
14:05He's such an idiot.
14:07Marie, the guys are coming over.
14:09We're going to the lodge.
14:11What do you two want?
14:13Listen, Frank...
14:13No, let me, let me.
14:14Look, Dad, I'm sorry I brought up the thing yesterday.
14:18I must have remembered wrong.
14:19You have nothing to apologize about, Raymond.
14:22It's a very sweet story.
14:24What story?
14:25The time your father pet the bunny.
14:27I did not!
14:29Hoppy?
14:30Your pet Hoppy?
14:31No!
14:32Why would you deny that?
14:34Exactly.
14:35Oh, your pet Hoppy.
14:37That's so sweet.
14:38You want a cookie?
14:39I'm going to get you a cookie.
14:41Get away from me!
14:43You happy?
14:44Look what you did.
14:45I'm sorry.
14:48Hello, everybody.
14:49Hi, Stan.
14:50Hi, Garvin.
14:51Hey, Ray's here.
14:54Hey, hello, guys.
14:56You ready, Frank?
14:58You're damn right I'm ready.
14:59I'd go anywhere to get out of here.
15:01Hey, Frank, that handball tournament starts next week.
15:04You in?
15:04Yeah, I'm in.
15:05You're going to have to go up against Bullethead.
15:08I can beat that guy on my worst day.
15:11Oh, yeah.
15:12You're the toughest, Frank.
15:13Damn straight.
15:14Hey, you leave this at the lodge.
15:27What the hell is this?
15:29I think you know what it is.
15:31I think you know what to do.
15:35Oh, that's adorable.
15:37Get out of here!
15:40You're telling everyone you're lying.
15:41I didn't tell them anything.
15:42You know, it's the talk of the lodge.
15:45Yeah, you go in the backyard and sing songs to the bunny and rub noses with it.
15:54Rub noses with the bunny.
16:00There never was any bunny.
16:02Who told you this?
16:03My wife.
16:04Your wife?
16:05How the hell does she know anything about this?
16:07Your wife.
16:08She knows how to get the word out.
16:09It's like Tom Toms.
16:12Frank Pettabonny.
16:14Frank Pettabonny.
16:15Are you telling people this?
16:17Frank, you should be proud of it.
16:20Finally, you're lovable.
16:22Would you stop?
16:24I am not lovable, all right?
16:26I am not sweet.
16:27I fought in Korea.
16:28I am no bunny petter.
16:31Then why would Ray put it in your eulogy?
16:37My what?
16:39I can explain, Dad.
16:40Don't drop it.
16:41Apparently, Raymond, as sort of a fun hobby, fantasizes about what he'll say upon your demise.
16:50What?
16:51Oh, yes.
16:52He wrote a eulogy for you.
16:53And he's ready to go at a moment's notice.
16:57If you are.
17:03You're planning my death?
17:05No, no.
17:06Just your funeral.
17:14Hey, you better go.
17:20I'm still waiting for my eulogy, Raymond.
17:26See you, Ray.
17:27Hey, I like those pants on you.
17:36Dad.
17:38Hey, Dad.
17:39Can I talk to you?
17:41Yeah, you see I'm busy.
17:44You're hitting the license plate with a hammer.
17:46I'm personalizing it.
17:49Look, Dad, you weren't supposed to hear the eulogy.
17:53Yeah, I guess I screwed you up by not being dead.
17:56Come on.
17:57I just...
17:58I was writing it for myself, all right?
18:00I don't want you to die.
18:02Look, I don't care what your screwed up reason for writing a funeral speech was.
18:07I hated that bunny.
18:10And by the way, you never cleaned a cage.
18:12It was dirty.
18:14You kids.
18:15Daddy, buy me a bunny.
18:17We'll take care of it.
18:19I was lied to.
18:22I was eight.
18:24And already a liar.
18:28All right, Dad.
18:29I'm sorry.
18:30I had to pet that bunny.
18:32Every night.
18:34Every night?
18:35Every night.
18:36The damn bunny needed some attention.
18:39That's the thanks I get.
18:41Now I've lost everything.
18:42Lost what?
18:43What did you lose?
18:44Oh, not much.
18:45Just my reputation as a man.
18:47Oh, come on.
18:48Look, those guys, they're only teasing you.
18:50Listen to me.
18:51I'm the tough one.
18:53That's how the community sees me.
18:55What community?
18:56You're in a steam room in a lodge with six naked guys.
19:01That's my community.
19:03And everyone's got their thing.
19:05Stan's got the brains.
19:06Garvin's got the looks.
19:08And I'm the tough one.
19:10Yeah, all right.
19:11First of all, Dad, with the looks,
19:13I'm going to declare it a three-way tie.
19:16I can't talk to you.
19:19Come on, you can't talk to me.
19:21What do you think I wrote the eulogy with the stupid bunny story?
19:24That's what I'd like to know.
19:26You know, I know some things about you
19:28you wouldn't want me telling everybody.
19:30All right, that's different, Dad.
19:31No, no, no, it's a good story.
19:33I go up to the attic one day.
19:34All right, Dad.
19:35And they turn on the light.
19:36Dad.
19:36And imagine my surprise.
19:37That's different, Dad.
19:39No, it's not.
19:40I'm telling you.
19:41I hate that bunny story.
19:44Why the hell would you want to remember me like that?
19:46I wanted you to know I was tough.
19:48I worked hard at that.
19:50All right, well, look, the bunny thing,
19:52the only reason I even remember it
19:53is because it's so unlike you.
19:55You were the toughest son of a bitch I ever knew.
20:01You're going to put that in?
20:12I could.
20:14Write it down before you forget it.
20:18All right.
20:20I'll take the bunny thing out.
20:22No, no, no, no.
20:24Maybe leave that in.
20:26Yeah?
20:28No, I don't know.
20:29I'm not sure now.
20:30You know what?
20:33Surprise me.
20:35Surprise me.
20:47Ma, I think I've come up with something
20:49you might like for your eulogy.
20:57What can I say about my dear mother?
21:00Oh, Robbie.
21:03Robbie.
21:04That's so very nice.
21:07But Raymond is the writer.
21:11And besides, you're going to be very busy that day.
21:15You're a policeman.
21:17I'm going to need you for my motorcade
21:19to stop all the traffic.
21:22Sweet.
21:34What can I say about Raymond?
21:43One day, I went up to the attic.
22:15One day, I went up to the attic.
22:26One day, I went up to the attic.
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