- 8 hours ago
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00:05what right could you get up and help me please we've got to shampoo the rug before they come
00:09over tonight shampoo the rug it's Bernie and Linda I'm gonna shampoo myself well when they
00:17pass out from your smell I want them to land on a clean rug okay come on get up let's
00:22go come on
00:23I'm tired I drove the kids to all their crap I'd like to sit down for a little while well
00:27me too come on oh why do you always do this every time we have people over we spend all
00:32day making
00:33the fake house it's not fake it's the way the house should be all the time yes but it isn't
00:39so actually
00:40it's like lying huh is that what you're about lying to people just start clearing everything
00:46off the rug I really don't see the need Ray I said help me I don't say the need
00:59so you're just gonna sit there while I do all the work I had the kids the whole morning
01:04because I was cleaning well stop it already Ray seriously get up and help me no get up no Ray
01:14listen you know what you don't understand I work hard all day I got a lot of stress I come
01:19home
01:19head on
02:05wow Debra what a meal yeah great dinner Deb louder so they can hear it across the street
02:12how about that rug clean though huh that's the most important thing it's great to finally see
02:19you guys yeah I know it's been so long we're stuck at home a lot Benjamin burns through babysitters
02:25pretty quick you know he's just he's spirited I'm afraid of him I'm not exaggerating you see
02:44you minimize my feelings this is what Pamela was talking about you know what you're right I'm sorry I'm
02:54sorry who's Pamela oh a therapist therapist what you mean like a marriage counselor yeah we've been
03:03going for about a month now we really had to do something we were starting to fight a lot
03:20so is it helping oh you wouldn't believe the difference really we get the coffee how about
03:25some drinks put on some music you know it's so great to be able to take our fights to a
03:32third party
03:33yeah no I've actually won a few of course it's not about winning Pamela's trying to help us
03:39understand the deeper reasons why we fight that is so important because whoa whoops dropped the cup
03:46it's my favorite so how about a moment of silence
03:52I'll help you anyway I really think we're communicating better oh for sure no really because
04:00I used to try to discuss something and this one would just sit there in front of the computer
04:04like uh it's glowing well I guess that's just an instinctive response to the yelling
04:15yelling it's just probably because I've asked him already to turn the thing off like 10 times
04:25so Pamela's been great yeah it's really great
04:36I'm sorry honey I was just being kind of uh passive aggressive
04:45you know what I started it I started it with my little hidden agenda about the computer and
04:52oh
05:01wow
05:05well obviously we still have a little work to do
05:07no but the important thing is you're doing it that's fantastic
05:29I don't want to go to counseling
05:34what I know that after what Bernie and Linda said that you think I want us to go to counseling
05:40what you don't do you think we should go because of Bernie and Linda
05:49what no no no no no no no I just I just thought you know because they had their little
05:53thing tonight
05:54and and after they were all huggy and kissy but that's only because they're different from us
06:02their fight was about the computer ours was about the TV
06:09and the TV has been around for years so that's very different
06:17we're going to counseling we already got Pamela's number from Linda I don't want to go to counseling
06:24hey we fight all the time no not fights tips little tips sweetie pie baby skinny girl
06:33come on no no no counseling what would be so terrible about it everything what do you think's
06:40going to happen we're going to go and and the next day we're going to grow wings and fly around
06:43giving each other foot massages just getting a little help we don't need help why don't we let
06:50Pamela decide that oh yeah and then there's that hmm Pamela wonder whose side she's going to be on
06:57okay so we can go to a man oh yeah yeah right yeah then oh you understand me so much
07:03better than my husband
07:09and you don't need therapy look all these therapists people want to do is get you to cry
07:15don't you want to find the deeper reasons why we fight don't you want to have a healthier marriage
07:20not if i have to cry it's not about that it's about trying to be happy but we are happy
07:27look at us i love
07:28you get off of me get off of me listen i am making an appointment for counseling and you are
07:37coming
07:38with me because we are going to do whatever it takes to heal this marriage
07:47stupid marriage
07:53so ray and deborah how long have you two been married 13 years true see no argument there
08:03and just generally speaking what made you decide to come here today um well this is something that's
08:11a long overdue okay well then deborah why don't you start okay um well i just feel that i work
08:30very hard
08:31to keep the house up and running and i guess i feel you know kind of unappreciated because
08:49i feel you know kind of unappreciated because i feel you know kind of unappreciated because
08:50here you go thank you ray how do you feel about what deborah's expressing
09:05uh i'm sorry
09:11okay anything else ray oh oh still me okay
09:19well uh
09:22you know i just want to say that i mean i work hard too and you know i come home
09:29and and i'm tired and i
09:31just
09:45i'm not going to be able to cry like that
09:50okay well can i just say something sure just as an example
09:55last week ray came home late from golfing and i guess golf is kind of a hot button issue with
10:01me
10:01and we had a fight
10:03ray do you remember this i do i shot a 94
10:13go ahead deborah
10:15i had all the kids and i was expecting him home at two and he didn't show up until five
10:21o'clock and his
10:22explanation for why it took so long was that his friend gianni wanted to pet a deer
10:28and that's just indicative of the kind of thing that ray always does and i understand that we need
10:34time to ourselves but what really bothers me is that he doesn't seem to want to take responsibility for
10:40anything i just don't know what to do anymore
10:49ray
10:57she's right
10:59what she's totally right because well
11:03i've been terribly insensitive with my golf i think i use golf in a almost passive-aggressive way
11:17okay but but but but you know what's wrong with me i know it's a problem i know i have
11:24to change
11:24but the next thing you know i'm back on the course again
11:30but it sounds like you are willing to look at your behavior which is a very good start
11:40wait what no but i gotta tell you it's more than just the golf
11:44deborah is like a saint you can't believe the things she has to put up with
11:49once i actually taped a football game over our wedding video pamela could i just hold on hold
11:55on let's let ray get this out it's probably the worst thing a husband can do right all i could
12:01think
12:02of to fix it was uh to arrange to have our wedding vows renewed oh that's nice i guess
12:12actually i think the whole thing ended with us making love well i think we're getting a little
12:17off track here i mean this isn't exactly the ray i get at home you know right now he's the
12:22one being
12:22a saint well let's try to have the perspective that neither one of us is a saint okay yeah okay
12:30sure
12:32i'm sorry that i called her a saint before i'm sorry stupid
12:40it's okay raymond no you're doing just fine
12:44okay now you two obviously have issues to resolve but one thing to keep in mind is that having
12:50occasional arguments is normal and it's even healthy so what we'll do is we'll try to find out the deeper
12:56reasons why you argue so that we can begin to change any any particularly harmful behavior
13:14and and one thing that you've got going for you here is an attitude of cooperation believe me some
13:19partners have to be dragged into this kicking and screaming wait a minute wait a minute i'm gonna do
13:25whatever it takes to heal this marriage oh my god what did she say is there hope
13:46i told you we should have said we went to a movie counseling huh i came over as soon as
13:53i heard
13:57so maria are the kids asleep yes and i'm gonna do my best to make sure they remain untraumatized
14:06i can't believe you two went to a shrink he's the one with the problems
14:11let's keep this on raymond shall we personally deb i think it's about time that a neutral party be
14:16brought in to set him straight on just how great he's got it well that's not what happened because the
14:21raymond we all know disappeared as soon as we got there what what are you talking about oh you were
14:27open and considerate and willing to look at your own faults you made me sick
14:34excuse me but i spent the whole time saying i'm sorry what more do you want oh you are so
14:40full of it
14:42do you mind listen you manipulated the whole thing how do you expect to make any progress if you go
14:50in
14:50there playing a character you're just mad because you wanted me to get blamed for everything and pamela
14:54like she didn't like you because you weren't there what are you hiding man what's in there sounds to me
15:01like you did good ray name rank and serial number never open up keep the enemy in the dark
15:10you're an ignoramus if anybody ever opened you up all they'd find is meat
15:26no son of mine needs counseling except the big one
15:38yeah yeah you didn't go in there to to find out what's wrong with us you went in there to
15:41find
15:42out what's wrong with me well you can just figure it out yourself because i'm not going back oh yes
15:45you are no no way you heard her yourself she said we were normal she didn't say that what room
15:50were
15:50you in hey instead of yelling at me shouldn't you be worried about the deeper reasons behind how you're
15:55reacting i think you better worry about how i'm reacting oh harmful behavior harmful behavior
16:00you too i gotta say the counseling doesn't seem to be working
16:17now i want you to sit down and let's try to talk this out marie i am not sitting down
16:22please deborah
16:23i may not be a certified therapist but i've been told by many people that i could be
16:35that's not what they mean when they say you're certifiable
16:42i happen to be very good at things relating to feelings i mean i have been married for 45 years
16:49and
16:50if there's one thing i understand is how awful a husband can be
16:58well no no you're on her side listen bernie and linda came in and they said they went to counseling
17:03she got it in her head that we should go and we don't need to oh poor raymond never learned
17:10how to
17:10get along with other human beings be quiet rob yeah shut up no you shut up yes
17:22what do you want to go to counseling because of bernie and linda no of course not i mean look
17:36at
17:36how we fight the very morning they came over we were fighting and what do you fight about about how
17:42nuts she goes cleaning when people come over all i want to do is relax for once and watch a
17:47little tv
17:48and she she asked me to shampoo the rug what you can't help out a little what you don't help
18:00out ass
18:06yes just to be clear when i want my home to look nice is there anything wrong with asking ray
18:11to help
18:11me that's certainly valid and raymond you of all people should know that if you want your house to
18:17look nice deborah needs help oh listen okay can't i sometimes watch a little tv i mean what's wrong
18:27with that also valid and deborah it's important for you to keep in mind that raymond is a very hard
18:34worker and sometimes needs to relax of course but why is it such a battle to get you to do
18:40anything
18:40i don't know that's why i want to go to counseling i don't think it's that you're just lazy i
18:49think
18:49there's a deeper reason behind this and if we could just figure it out you and i could be happier
18:53come
18:54on you know me there's not much deepness i just i'd like to be taken care of but you've got
18:58to
18:58understand ray that that's not a wife that's a mother well well maybe that's what i want
19:15holy crap
19:24no no on the contrary dad i think we've made quite a breakthrough
19:30i don't know oh no no it's very simple really you see apparently the deep reasons behind the
19:37fights is that you wished you married your mother that's not what i said yes you did
19:46what why would i say that
19:57raymond raymond there's nothing wrong in what you just said please stop stop listen that's that
20:04it's not what i meant to say and deborah could you call pamela and see if she has an opening
20:08for right
20:09now maybe she could move in i think it's getting kind of late everybody ray you want to go up
20:17well
20:18we should we should call pamela right uh no i think some things are better left unexplored
20:22no because i'm sick that's that's sick what i said no no i think you are just lazy you think
20:27so
20:27yeah that's it that's it that's it i'm lazy i'm a lazy guy sweet dreams you want mommy to tuck
20:34you in
20:45hey all right what do you want uh nothing i was just feeling a little guilty over my
20:51laughing at your predicament yesterday well you know whatever i mean deborah and i talked it out
20:57we're fine now that's good that's good because you know i was thinking about it and the truth is
21:01it's good that you guys acknowledged that you had a problem and you took the right steps to deal with
21:06it maybe i should have done that when i was married huh all right well thanks thanks man all
21:14look i know you're feeling bad so i got you something
21:35enjoy you sick bastard
21:45so
21:58so
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