- 2 days ago
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FunTranscript
00:05Oh, God, I'm exhausted.
00:08Oh, I could fall asleep right here.
00:11All right, okay. I get it.
00:19Get what?
00:22You don't got to do the whole, I'm tired show.
00:28Don't worry, I will not be bothering you this evening.
00:34Wait a minute, you think this is an act so I won't have to have sex with you?
00:39Not much of an act.
00:44You could jazz it up with a song or two.
00:49And by the way, I wasn't going to do anything later anyway, okay?
00:52So, you don't got to insult me with your preemptive strike.
00:58You're nuts.
01:00Admit it. You came in here to tell me you were tired, so I would leave you alone later.
01:04I did not.
01:05Why can't you admit it?
01:07Look, you're tired, right? You had a long day.
01:09So, what's the last thing you would want to do later?
01:14Well, you might be right about it.
01:16See? I know.
01:19I know when people don't want to have sex with me.
01:24You're talking to an expert.
01:27Okay, so let me ask you this.
01:29How come you're only picking up that I'm tired means no sex tonight?
01:33How come I'm tired doesn't also mean,
01:34gee, I could really use some help in the kitchen with all those dishes?
01:38What, am I a mind reader?
01:42Another season of Everybody Loves Raymond.
02:01What, am I a mind reader?
02:04All right, let's voice-other aside for the kitchen with all those dishes I have and knock on your pavement.
02:06All right, let's go.
02:12Make a single diver, and then tie everything together.
02:21hey hi how's your book it's really great yeah yeah it takes place in the 19th
02:32century is this very interesting what you're up so what so I come in here you're up you're in a
02:43good mood you're not too tired who says I'm not too tired all I'm doing is reading so you can
02:49stay
02:49up to read but you can't spare two minutes for sex look I'm sorry Ray okay it's not like I'm
02:57trying
02:58to trick you I am tired and I thought I would do a little reading before I fell asleep all
03:06right
03:09there are other things we could do a little before we both fall asleep I mean we're not talking about
03:14running a marathon here it's gonna roll around a little you know I find a very relaxing end
03:21wrestle but what the hell do I know hey come on look about the 19th century doesn't put you to
03:33sleep how tired can you be so what you're saying is that you would rather read tonight yes
03:51do me a favor if there's people having sex in that book could you read out loud
04:03yeah why don't you try this
04:21I thought so it's Debra's
04:26it's gone bad although with Debra it probably didn't have far to go
04:30wait a minute let me see that
04:48you're right this is not good
04:55the under part's a little better what is it I don't know he's got a crunch but I don't think
05:04that's on purpose oh hello Raymond what are you doing I'm cleaning your fridge I thought it was just
05:16one item but once I open it oh dear it's not good news my you probably shouldn't be doing this
05:23oh
05:25all right do it to that just hurry up before she gets back what else you got
05:35you finished that yep and now we wait
05:47what did you buy Raymond oh no it's nothing oh something sensitive what is it no it's just shirts
05:55you bought shirts you bought shirts by yourself yes let's see these shirts I would not be
06:06comfortable with that all right why the hell not because that under shirts are you trying to hide
06:14find something all right sensuopoly
06:27the board game of love and intimacy it's just it's a gag gift that I got for a friend
06:33of mine who loves gags oh really and who is this lover of gags would his name start with an
06:46R and end with an amen
06:51the game I've heard of these games are for adults only oh my god gonna spice things up eh racy
06:59oh Raymond another sex game what are you talking about well it's like the other one you had when
07:07you were younger with all the colored dots twister don't think I didn't know what was going on
07:17downstairs I played with robbers I don't want to hear anymore this game must be Deborah's doing well
07:28it's not I should have guessed when I opened the fridge with two bottles of white wine are you swingers
07:37all right mom you just asked if I was a wife swapper now there's an idea I don't even have
07:46to swap I'll
07:46just make a donation I sure hope you're better at this than you were a twister
08:00as I remember you had no flexibility at all poor Deborah
08:10no you should close your curtains too you never know who's looking into the windows I got a pretty
08:14good idea hey what's up mom whatever you do in your bedroom is your business
08:24it's not for me it's from him hey what is going on I'll tell you what's going on for once
08:36I'd like to
08:36bring a game into this house without being accused of having sex with my brother listen sweetheart
08:47everybody's making a big fuss over nothing now I looked at the back of the box and from what I
08:51could see
08:58to be continued
09:14okay kids are down yeah listen sorry about
09:21the embarrassment today with the game and all you know I just I went to the store to try to
09:26buy you
09:26a funny card you know because the last night but they're not funny they're just stupid because they
09:32got there's one funny one the guy the old guy with no teeth okay I couldn't remember if I got
09:38you that
09:38for Valentine's Day you know so I just I got you that game just to say you know haha come
09:49on let's go play
10:11do you really want to play this even though my mother knows we have it
10:16I've already got the guilt we might as well have the fun well all right
10:24okay here's the directions I've already read them hey I don't need directions I mean it's been a while but
10:31I remember okay so it's pretty simple you just roll the dice and you do whatever it says in the
10:37square
10:37you land on okay all right now some of the squares are naughty hang on
10:49and some are romantic okay okay so I'll go first this is me that's you all right come on buddy
10:57put
10:57your game face on all right all right all right stop stop okay ready oh lucky number seven okay
11:05one two three four five six seven kiss your lover as though they are about to climb Mount Everest oh
11:14yeah
11:46I'm going away roll the dice
11:51all right all right all right all right all right all right all right okay
11:59three one two three tell your lover something about you they do not know
12:09I'm back from Everest
12:10wait wait come on
12:21you're supposed to share something with me I'm trying to come on
12:29where are the fun squares the blue squares are naughty the pink squares are romantic
12:36pink all right come on tell me something I don't know about you
12:41all right something you don't know okay well this afternoon when I was trying to get you something
12:48yeah I stopped and got a chili dog
12:59just give me the dice wait come on it's nothing but pink squares hold on hold on where's blue right
13:03here's blue the first blue one without using your hands remove a piece of your lover's clothing oh yeah
13:12hold on hold on hold on what do I need I need a one two three four five okay five
13:16so I'm talking
13:16about come on five if we get a three we get to write each other a poem oh god please
13:21no please five
13:22come on five five
13:24you're in the cat house the doctor ain't home
13:28nine all right I'll move it for you one two three four five six seven eight nine a blue one
13:33no no you
13:34counted that square twice no I didn't I didn't one two three four five six seven eight nine I don't
13:38think you're getting into the spirit of the game here let me read the square
13:44without talking stare into your lover's eyes for three minutes are you kidding me
13:51three minutes do you know how long three minutes is it's long ask an egg
14:01do you do it all right well let me set my thing
14:09okay ready go
14:36I don't think we're
14:40getting what's intended here because you're starting to look like the devil all right you know
14:43no no it's just where my eyes are blurry that's all come on
14:47I didn't say it's not romantic right the devil's hot
14:51why can't you look into my eyes because they're too beautiful
14:57the game's obviously rigged all right there's twice as many pink romantic squares as naughty blue ones
15:01why did you buy the game ray huh that's what I really don't understand why did you buy it if
15:06you didn't want to play
15:06I thought it would be fun it's got something for both of us sex for me reading for you
15:14you really have no idea what this game is for do you yes I have an idea the game is
15:19to get you in the mood remember the mood
15:22no this game is not about my mood this game is supposed to improve our sex life
15:26yeah well then I got the wrong game I should have got the game that gets you to have a
15:29sex life
15:31oh yes you're the poor sex starved husband
15:34yeah and you're the poor put-upon wife who doesn't get any romance
15:38no I'm not talking about romance though I wanted to play this game for other things too
15:42I know I know I know I don't hold your hand enough watch your sleep listen to your heartbeat
15:46muh muh muh
15:49and let me tell you something what you call romance it's always changing sometimes it's that you want
15:53flowers and then other times other times how about the time you got excited because I brought home a
15:58bucket of chicken why what is romance tell me what it is I'll do it every time listen Ray I
16:04am not
16:04talking about you and the romance I'm talking about you and the blue squares what the blue squares the
16:11blue ones are the sex ones what what are you saying what
16:39blue squares
16:46Is it all right if we talk about it?
16:53Go ahead.
16:57All right.
17:02Well, first of all, I love you.
17:05Aww.
17:05Aww.
17:08But when we are making love...
17:15Ray, just look at me.
17:16No.
17:18I'm your wife.
17:19You should be able to talk to me about this.
17:21Come on.
17:21Your wife is the last person you want to hear these things from.
17:24Who would you rather hear it from?
17:26Somebody who doesn't have any proof.
17:29Look, this isn't easy for me to talk about either.
17:33How bad is this?
17:34No, it's not bad.
17:35And it's not just you.
17:37Who else?
17:39Me.
17:40Ray, it's about us.
17:43Listen.
17:44Just listen.
17:47I need...
17:50more...
17:52variety.
17:54Variety?
17:56You need variety?
17:57I...
17:58I got that.
18:01Oh, I was worried that you were going to mention my...
18:03Well, why bring it up?
18:04But...
18:05But...
18:05Variety?
18:06I am variety.
18:07I'm Ed Sullivan.
18:09Variety.
18:10Wasn't I the guy who came into the bedroom with the cowboy hat on?
18:12Huh?
18:13How about the time I was the fireman and you were the burning sorority house?
18:17Well, I mean, by variety, I mean...
18:21Look, the cowboy and the fireman are fun.
18:23But once they take their hats off, they're pretty much the same.
18:29What...
18:30What do you mean?
18:33I need them to be...
18:36less...
18:36selfish.
18:39Now, hold on.
18:41Hold on.
18:42I am not selfish.
18:43I am not selfish.
18:45There's anything you want.
18:46Anything.
18:47I do it.
18:48You want me to be more flexible?
18:49I'm flexing.
18:50Huh?
18:51You...
18:51You want me to talk in an accent?
18:53You got it, governor.
18:54Huh?
18:56Come on.
18:56Just tell me what you want.
18:58What do you want?
18:59I want...
19:00What?
19:01See, this is what I'm talking about.
19:03Why should I have to tell you what I want?
19:06So I will know.
19:10But do you know how depressing that is that after 12 years you don't know?
19:14Why do I have to say it out loud?
19:16Why haven't you been paying attention?
19:18What do you mean, paying attention?
19:20Well, I mean, you only seem to pick up the signals that affect you.
19:23Like, you know what I'm tired means because it means no fun for Raymond.
19:27But if I give you the go signal, then you just stop paying attention.
19:30I could shoot off a flare in here you wouldn't even notice.
19:35Sorry.
19:38I didn't know that.
19:40Can I ask you something?
19:42Sure.
19:43After 12 years, I should know you, right?
19:45That's all I'm saying.
19:46After 12 years, shouldn't you know me?
19:49I mean, you could have realized that I wasn't getting your signals after...
19:52You're three.
19:56I mean, you had to know that you were married to a guy who occasionally might miss a thing or
20:01two.
20:02And maybe you might have to speak up.
20:06You don't want to speak up.
20:07Why not?
20:09It's embarrassing.
20:11Not as embarrassing as finding out you've been doing it wrong for 12 years.
20:20Yeah, I...
20:21You're right.
20:23I'm sorry.
20:26Okay, I'll try to speak up more.
20:27Hmm.
20:29Okay.
20:30Good.
20:31That's good.
20:33Hmm.
20:42Hmm.
20:43Hmm.
20:46Hmm.
20:47Hmm.
20:47Hmm.
20:47Hmm.
20:47So you want to start speaking up?
20:49Hmm.
20:51Hmm.
20:52Hmm.
20:52You'll try to be a little more aware, right?
20:53Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:55Okay.
20:55And I...
20:56I don't mean just in the bedroom.
20:57No, no, no, no, no.
20:58I mean, if you see the laundry lying around or the bills are piling up or the garbage...
21:01Maybe we should start with the sex and then see how far we get.
21:04Right.
21:05You know what I'm talking about, right?
21:06I do.
21:07I hear you.
21:08You're right.
21:11Hmm.
21:14So you're gonna tell me what you want?
21:15Mm-hmm.
21:16I'll give it a try.
21:18What would you like?
21:20I'd like you to help me with the laundry.
21:37Yeah.
21:38Yeah.
21:40Yeah.
21:41Yeah, yeah.
21:42Oh, I'm gonna write those sensuopoly people and tell them we made up a new square.
21:46Hmm.
21:48Yeah.
21:51All you're at is tell them that square six doesn't work.
21:56Unless you bring in a third person.
21:59You're honest.
22:02Okay.
22:27We've been off of fun for you.
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