- 2 days ago
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00:02Marie! Thor!
00:03I'm in the kitchen! Put your pants on and get it yourself!
00:09I got pants on!
00:12I'm coming already!
00:18Marco!
00:19Is this a bad timer?
00:23No, no, no. For you I zip.
00:27Hey, come on in.
00:29It's good to see you.
00:31Nice seeing you. Maybe sometime we play bocce like in Italy.
00:35Yeah, great. So how do you like living in America?
00:38How's the restaurant business?
00:40It's not like home. Everybody, they steal here all the time.
00:45They don't steal in Italy?
00:47In Italy, they steal only once.
00:52You want a beer?
00:53Is your wife here?
00:55Yeah, but she won't bother us. Sit down. Open your pants.
01:01Who is this? Oh! Hello, Marco. What a nice surprise.
01:07Buongiorno.
01:08Yeah, buongiorno. That's Italian for beer, Marie.
01:13Right away, Frank. Would you like it in a bottle over your head or in a can somewhere else?
01:19Excuse her. Marie, but I'm coming to see you.
01:22Really?
01:23My daughter Stefano says you are a great teacher of piano.
01:27With respect, I ask her for a favor. Could you teach me?
01:32What are you kidding?
01:34My mother all her life, she loves music. She always wants me to play.
01:39But then when she gets sick, I promise her to learn. Then she'd die.
01:46So you're off the hook.
01:51Frank, that is the sweetest thing I've ever heard, Marco.
01:55But it was a long time ago. I'm afraid now maybe I'm too old.
01:59Oh, no. You're never too old to do something for your mother.
02:03Come on, she'll be right now.
02:04Now, we're gonna have a beer here.
02:10Beer?
02:12Here is a man who thirsts for something more than alcohol.
02:16Here's a man who wants music in his life.
02:23I could use a little music in my life.
02:26The sweet sound of the white coats coming to take you off to the nut farm.
02:32Another season of Everybody Loves Raymond.
03:04You can't kick it 55 yards. Just go for it.
03:07No, no. He can make this.
03:09It's good!
03:09I got it!
03:10You gotta believe!
03:12I can't believe it!
03:13You gotta believe it!
03:13You gotta believe it!
03:13You're gonna win!
03:15Keep it down!
03:16You gotta believe!
03:16I can't believe it knows it's gonna win!
03:18He's gonna win!
03:19He's gonna win!
03:20He's gonna win!
03:21He's gonna win!
03:23He's dead! The Jets just tied in!
03:25Give it up, Papa!
03:26Get away from me, you moron!
03:30What's with you?
03:31The Jets, man.
03:32Would you can it?
03:34I'm trying to watch the game here.
03:36Jets, Deborah!
03:39Yeah, nah, you're gonna be like that.
03:41Why don't you just go watch a game in your own house?
03:43I can't.
03:44Your mother's giving Marco another piano lesson.
03:48Didn't he have one yesterday?
03:50Every day.
03:52For two weeks now.
03:55Marco?
03:56The only thing I see that guy playing is the organ in a haunted house.
04:04It's not just the lessons anymore. They're hanging out now.
04:07They're friends.
04:10Chips, Frank.
04:14What do you mean, friends?
04:16They're together all the time, playing piano, swapping recipes.
04:20Sometimes they sit and listen to opera.
04:22And cry.
04:25Sounds like this is bothering you a little bit, Frank.
04:28Opera? Just what the world needs.
04:31More fat women screaming.
04:39You know what I think?
04:41I think maybe you're a little bit jealous, Frank.
04:45Shut up.
04:47You're a little jealous, Frank.
04:49Are you just a little bit jealous?
04:50Oh, no, don't do that, honey.
04:51Careful, watch your fingers.
04:53All right!
04:56So I'm a little jealous.
04:58He shouldn't be with her.
05:00He should be with me.
05:07What?
05:09He was my friend first.
05:11We played bocce in Italy.
05:13Now he comes in the door, it's like I don't exist.
05:18Oh, cheer up, Dad.
05:19I'm sure there's a guy out there for you somewhere.
05:24Yeah.
05:25Maybe Markle has a brother.
05:28In the bell tower.
05:34I want him out of my house.
05:36That's a throw-em-out.
05:37Ray, let your parents work this out for themselves.
05:40I'm just saying, you want someone out of your house, you throw them out.
05:43Yeah, you're the expert.
05:47You, out.
05:49I'm kidding.
05:50You can't just throw them out.
05:54I mean, Markle's not the kind of guy you mess with.
05:57Markle?
05:58That guy's no bigger than a bag of laundry.
06:00Remember when he took over Nemo's pizza?
06:03And I said, what happened to Nemo?
06:04And he looked at me with that face and said,
06:07He'd go away.
06:11Has anybody seen Nemo's sins?
06:13Huh?
06:14Postcard?
06:14Anything?
06:15No.
06:15Marco knows how to make people go away.
06:17And that's all I'm saying.
06:20You don't scare me.
06:22I'm throwing them out.
06:23Oh, wait a minute.
06:24Frank, why don't you just tell Marco how you feel?
06:26That you want to be his friend, too.
06:27What am I, wearing a skirt in Mary Jane's?
06:33I'm throwing them out.
06:35Say hi to Nemo for us.
06:43And stay out.
06:58Bacala.
06:59Oh.
07:01Marco, no.
07:02Don't smash your fingers.
07:04Your fingers are your tools.
07:06I am bacala.
07:08I'm a stinky codfish.
07:12You're not a stinky codfish.
07:15You're a good boy who loves his mother.
07:18But come on, you only have a week to learn this before my birthday party.
07:22You should have great for your birthday.
07:24Not me.
07:25Nonsense.
07:26You're gonna be wonderful.
07:28But keep practicing.
07:29And then later we'll make biscotti.
07:31I like you, biscotti.
07:34I'll go make her some tea.
07:49Listen, Marco.
07:50I got something to say to you.
07:52And I got something to say to you.
07:54Sit.
07:59I cannot help but know this every time I have a lesson.
08:02You leave.
08:03It's rude.
08:05I'm sorry.
08:10No, it is rude of me to invade your house and take you away from your beautiful wife.
08:16My what?
08:23Forgive me.
08:25You open your house to me and I stick it up.
08:30Oh, hey, hey.
08:31It doesn't bother me at all.
08:34You are too kind.
08:36Now what do you want to say to me?
08:38Now what do you want to say to me?
08:39Uh, you play poker?
08:43I'm good at poker.
08:47There's a game at my lodge tonight.
08:50You in?
08:51With piano.
08:52But first I buy you dinner at my restaurant.
08:54Don't have to ask me twice.
08:57Tea time.
08:58Uh, Marie, I'm taking Marco to the lodge for poker.
09:01But Marco hasn't finished his lesson yet.
09:04Marie, I'm done with piano.
09:07I tried, but I cannot make it work.
09:10You're quitting?
09:12You can't quit.
09:13You promised your mother.
09:16I know, I know, but she's dead.
09:28But she can still see you.
09:32I'm sorry, Marie.
09:34Come to have dinner with us.
09:36No, no, I don't think so.
09:37Why don't you boys go to the lodge?
09:38You're gonna love the lodge, Marco.
09:41They got cars, checkers, a swimming pool.
09:43That's great.
09:45Everybody swims naked.
09:47Is this a heated pool?
09:58He'll be back.
10:01One look at Frank naked.
10:03He'll be back.
10:07Stop it right now!
10:09Go to sleep!
10:13No, no.
10:14No, it's...
10:15No, it's nothing.
10:16Deborah's reading him a story.
10:17All right.
10:19Listen.
10:19Remember, we're teeing off at seven.
10:21Oh, don't be late.
10:23All right.
10:24Why don't you come up and help me?
10:27Talking to Gianni.
10:29Did you hear the screaming?
10:31I heard you screaming.
10:34I'm gonna kill your father.
10:37Oh, no, Mom.
10:38Don't.
10:43Marco was my friend.
10:44Now I never see him anymore.
10:45He's always with your father.
10:46They're watching sports or swimming nude at the lodge.
10:51There isn't enough chlorine in the world.
10:56I mean, for the first time in I don't know how long, I had a real companion.
11:01Someone I could talk to.
11:03Do something, Raymond.
11:04Me?
11:05What?
11:05Talk to your father.
11:07No, no.
11:07Stick to the plan where you kill him.
11:09Yeah.
11:10Tell him to leave Marco alone.
11:13Ma, I don't want to get in the middle of this.
11:15I don't want you in the middle.
11:15I want you on my side.
11:18Look, Mom, I think you and Dad can work this out yourselves.
11:21Right, Deb?
11:22No, Ray.
11:22Tell your father to give her back her friend.
11:26What happened to stay out of it?
11:28I feel for your mother.
11:30You do?
11:31Yes.
11:32Do you think it's easy for Marie to meet people and make friends when she spent her whole
11:36life stuck in a house with a lump of a husband who, instead of putting his own kids to bed,
11:40is on the phone with his pals making a golf date?
11:46Why can't you just hate one man at a time?
11:52Hey, Marie, tick-tock.
11:55Where's my dinner?
11:59Raymond has something to say to you.
12:02What?
12:03What?
12:04Stay away from Marco.
12:05Yeah.
12:10Since when do you tell me what to do?
12:16I'm not talking.
12:17There you are.
12:19Marco was my friend.
12:20Oh, yeah?
12:21He traded up.
12:26That's it, Frank.
12:27That's it.
12:28You are not invited to my birthday party.
12:30Who needs an invitation?
12:32It's at my house.
12:33Not anymore.
12:33I'm going to have it right here at Raymond's house.
12:36Thanks a lot.
12:37What did I do?
12:38No.
12:38Forget it.
12:40I'll just go to the lodge with Marco.
12:42You can't.
12:43I've already invited him to the party, and he's going to play happy birthday to me on the piano.
12:47Where's my dinner?
12:51At the lodge.
12:59Next time, you mind your own business.
13:09What?
13:10You're really with my mother in this, huh?
13:12That's the horse you're backing.
13:15Better my horse than your jackass.
13:20My jackass happens to have a point, okay?
13:22He's right.
13:23If Marco's going to be with anybody, it should be him, not her.
13:25What?
13:26Your mother's not allowed to have a friend?
13:27Not a male friend.
13:29No.
13:29She's my mother.
13:31So?
13:32So?
13:33She's a married woman.
13:34It's creepy.
13:36So does that mean that I can't have any male friends?
13:39You can have as many male friends as you want, as long as they're all gay.
13:48You know, Ray, I may have some problems with your mother, but she can be friends with whoever she wants,
13:53and I'm going to do whatever I can to encourage her.
13:55All right, fine.
13:57But from now on, in my head, Marco's gay.
14:13Marco.
14:14Happy birthday, Marie.
14:18This is my cousin Gina, and my nephew Gerard, and this is my dear friend Marco Fogagnolo.
14:24I found him in Italy.
14:28How do you do?
14:31Isn't he delightful?
14:33He looks so authentic.
14:36I never met an Italian from Italy before.
14:41Hello.
14:50Where's Frank?
14:51Frank.
14:52Oh, Frank's not coming.
14:53Why not?
14:54He's sick.
14:56Spine flu.
14:59Come on, Ray, are you going to sit there all day?
15:01Just join the party.
15:02No, no.
15:03It's not right.
15:04My mom and her boyfriend.
15:07I thought you made him gay.
15:09Yeah, well, I'm the only one who knows that.
15:13I mean, come on.
15:15My dad should be here.
15:16Hmm.
15:17What is it that you miss the most?
15:18The burping, the finger in the frosting, his wiping his mouth on the curtains.
15:24If you must know, I miss the shirt tail out the fly.
15:33Come on.
15:40Be careful, Robbie.
15:41You'll scratch the finish.
15:45Mom, why is your piano coming into my house?
15:48Oh, it's for the party.
15:49Marco's gonna play me happy birthday.
15:54Thanks, everybody.
15:56I got it.
15:58Are you doing it?
16:00Oh!
16:02Gah!
16:03Oh!
16:07Go!
16:09Is it your back?
16:16No, I'm from Japan.
16:21I bring greetings from the Emperor.
16:23All right, get him some ice.
16:30Fabulous party.
16:41Where did you come from?
16:44The laundry room.
16:46How long have you been hiding in there?
16:48Long enough to see you could use some new underwear.
16:52Yeah, well, I could use some nail.
16:58Get Marco in here. I want to talk to him.
17:01Ray, where's the...
17:03What are you doing here?
17:04Burping.
17:07Now maybe I'll wipe my mouth on the curtain.
17:14Ah, come on. It's not like it's a grand piano.
17:20What are you doing here?
17:22I'm just stopping by to see if my friend Marco wants to play some bocce.
17:26Well, he doesn't, because he's here for me.
17:29Well, he'd rather be with me.
17:31He likes me better.
17:32Oh, nobody likes you better.
17:35Oh, yeah? Let's ask him.
17:37Oh, you can't do that, Frank.
17:39Well, why not? Bring him in here.
17:40Hey, mind your own business.
17:42Are you scared?
17:42Frank, you are ruining my birthday party.
17:45You've ruined everything else.
17:47Marco!
17:48Excuse me. How's that ice coming?
17:51All right, Robert. Jeez.
17:54Hey, Marco.
17:56Whose friend do you want to be?
17:58Frank, I thought you had the swine flu.
18:01She told you that?
18:03You will stop at nothing.
18:05Who do you want to stick with, me or the liar?
18:10You want me to choose?
18:12That's right.
18:14She thinks you like her better and want to be her friend.
18:17Why shouldn't he be her friend? They enjoy each other.
18:19Sure, now.
18:21But he's going to find it's a quick trip to Nagville.
18:26Am I wrong?
18:27It's already started with the piano lessons.
18:29You said yourself you didn't want to play piano anymore.
18:32Somebody could have told me.
18:40Why can't I be both of your friends?
18:42Well, for one thing, I find that people who like me
18:44generally can't stand him.
18:47Ma, I don't get this.
18:48There's got to be plenty of ladies you could be friends with out there.
18:51Hit the bingo circuit.
18:55What about your father?
18:56There's enough naked, wrinkly old men at the lodge for him.
19:01Please, I'm already in the vomiting position.
19:06So, pick already.
19:08I don't like this.
19:10This is not right.
19:11This is not a husband and wife.
19:14Before my wife died,
19:16we were friends.
19:23You gonna pick or not?
19:31This is what you really want?
19:36I'd choose Frank.
19:38Yes.
19:46I'm sorry.
19:47No, listen.
19:47I understand.
19:49I did not want to choose.
19:50You don't have to explain, Lanker.
19:52Why don't we all have some cake?
19:59Hey, Marie, wait a second.
20:05You take him.
20:09Oh, that's okay, Frank.
20:11You don't have to do that.
20:13You keep him.
20:17No, I don't want him anymore.
20:20I want you two guys to go and have fun.
20:22Go to the lodge.
20:24Nah, I got plenty of friends at the lodge,
20:26so, uh, you take him.
20:30Frank, I don't want him all the time.
20:32Can't you take him some of the time?
20:35So now you're sticking me with him?
20:38This is so typical of you.
20:42Hey, cake.
20:47All right, so you should play Happy Birthday on the piano.
20:50All right, I'm gonna play a dirty version now.
20:54Tiny butt day.
20:58Projected by both of them.
21:00Boy, I know how that feels.
21:03That's all right, Marco.
21:04Let it out.
21:05Let it all out.
21:13That's it.
21:18Well, that was a good party.
21:20What?
21:21How was that good for your mother?
21:22You guys made her lose a friend.
21:24Oh, come on.
21:24Don't start.
21:25Listen, Ray, I want to tell you something.
21:27If I meet somebody and I want to be their friend,
21:30I'm not going to tolerate any of your caveman crap.
21:32I don't care what sex they are.
21:33A friend is a friend,
21:34and I can be friends with whoever I want.
21:41Hello.
21:42I am looking for my father.
21:44He's here.
21:45No, no, he isn't.
21:46But come in, friend.
22:30I am looking for my father.
22:33But come in, friend.
22:34You are looking for my father.
22:34You are looking for my father.
22:34But I'm listening to everyone else.
22:34I am listening to everyone else.
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