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Black Adder is pure British comedy gold 😂 From Rowan Atkinson’s legendary sarcasm to the chaotic historical disasters, every season delivers iconic humor, savage wit, and unforgettable moments. Whether it’s medieval schemes, royal disasters, or war-time satire, Black Adder remains one of the greatest comedy series ever made. 🇬🇧🔥
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00:04England, November 1487. The battle between the church and the crown continues to rage,
00:12and the Duke of Winchester, the greatest landowner in England, is dying.
00:18Dying, my lord. Am I dying?
00:22Never. Never. Yet, my son, to pass away the idle hours till your recovery.
00:30I just imagined you yourself were to pass away. To whom would you leave your lands?
00:36Why, to me, of course. Yes, to my beloved king.
00:45Yes, may your filthy soul be prepared for hell, my son.
00:49Hell? Yes, hell, where Satan delts his fire, and ignormous devils break wind both night and day.
00:58Hell, where the mind is never free from the torments of remorse, and your bottom never free from the pricking
01:06of little forks.
01:07No! Spare me the little forks.
01:10Oh, what is this nonsense?
01:13Hell, where the softest bits of your nether regions are everybody else's favorite lunch.
01:20Oh, forgive me, sire. I will change my will, and leave my land to the church.
01:31What?
01:34Blessed be thy stainless soul.
01:38Ah, you will change your mind later. I know it.
01:43Oh!
01:48I think not.
01:54I think not.
01:55I think not.
02:04I think not.
02:34Oh, my lord, what news?
02:36Well, my lord, an informed source tells me that the Duchess of Gloucester's given birth
02:39to twin goblins.
02:40No, no, no, I'm not the Duke of Winchester.
02:43Oh, he's still hanging on.
02:44He must be on his last legs by now, my lord.
02:46Yes, but how many sets of legs of that man got?
02:49Really, how does he make up his mind?
02:50Either he dies or he lives forever.
02:53It's his shilly-shallying that's so undignified.
02:57My lord, I come with tragic news.
03:00What, died at last, has he?
03:02Oh, my lord.
03:03Oh, I see.
03:04Now the idea is that you ask me what the message is before you tell it to me.
03:09Quite brilliant, I must say.
03:11I was referring to the Duke of Winchester.
03:14Who, my lord?
03:16Wait, let's try to sort this out in words of one syllable, shall we?
03:20Someone has died.
03:22It?
03:22Yes, my lord.
03:24Who is it that has died?
03:25The Archbishop of Canterbury, my lord.
03:28Are you a critic?
03:29Yes, my lord.
04:00The Archbishop of Canterbury?
04:00That's a shrewd idea, my son.
04:01You see, Archbishop Godfrey was coming out of the Duke of Winchester's room.
04:05Who had just died, leaving all his lands to the church?
04:08Well, as a matter of fact, yes.
04:09And so the king was really after his blood, presumably.
04:12Well, I dare say.
04:12But the point of the matter is that at that moment, round the corner, came Sir Tavis Mortimer.
04:17The king's hired killer?
04:19No, no, no, no, no.
04:20Mortimer, that tall, rather striking fellow with no ears.
04:23Yes, that's it.
04:24Well, he came round the corner, saw the Archbishop, and rushed towards him with his head bowed in order to
04:29receive his blessing.
04:30And, uh, and unfortunately killed him stone dead.
04:34How?
04:35Mortimer was wearing a Turkish helmet.
04:37Oh, I see, yes.
04:38One of those with the two-feet spike coming out of the top.
04:41Yes, one of those things they normally use for butting their enemies in the stomach and killing them stone dead.
04:45Yes, so presumably he'd forgotten he was wearing it.
04:50Well, do you know that's exactly what the poor fellow had done?
04:53A tragic accident.
04:55Tragic.
04:55Ah, yes.
04:56Almost as tragic as Archbishop Bertram being struck by a falling gargoyle while slimming off beachy heads.
05:03And nearly as tragic as poor old Archbishop Wilfred slipping and falling backwards onto the spire of Norwich Cathedral.
05:12Lord, you do work in mysterious ways.
05:15I just don't know how I'm going to break it to his catamite.
05:19What a tragic accident, my lord.
05:23Accident, my coddling.
05:27Who do you think will take over?
05:29Oh, I don't know.
05:29It'll be one of the bishop's fellows, I should imagine.
05:32They tend to go for religious types.
05:34Rumour has it, my lord, that the king wants to choose Prince Harry.
05:39Really?
05:40Prince Harry Archbishop, my lord.
05:44Claude!
05:45Prince Harry Archbishop!
05:48And we all know what happens to Archbishops, don't we?
05:51Yes, they go to Canterbury.
05:54No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
05:58Oh, yes.
06:01Are you sure about your sauce, Ulrich?
06:03Yeah, it was Jane Smart.
06:04You know, she was the one who told me about the Duchess of Kent and the chocolate chastity world.
06:10Well, with Harry gone,
06:14the black hat will be king next.
06:21Yes.
06:23Today could be one of the most important days of my life so far.
06:26Percy, I shall require my most splendid garments for the ceremony.
06:29Certainly, my lord, hat, my lord, children, I think, boots, my lord, the Italian, and coatpiece, my lord.
06:37Well, let's go for the black Russian.
06:41Harry, it always terrifies the clergy.
06:43Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
06:48Ah!
06:58Not really, my lord.
06:59Apparently, Lord Wilders is keeping his sheep in his bedroom, but nothing on the appointment now.
07:04Fair enough.
07:12You're dressed like this, Edmund.
07:15Like what, sorry?
07:16Well, this enormous nonsense.
07:22Fingers crossed.
07:26Members of the court and clergy,
07:31I have, at last,
07:33after careful consultation with the Lord God,
07:36his son, Jesus Christ,
07:38and his insubstantial friend, the Holy Ghost,
07:42decided upon the next archbishop.
07:48May he last longer in his post than his predecessors.
07:53Fat chance.
07:56I appoint to the Holy See of Canterbury
08:00my own son,
08:05Edwin,
08:06Duke,
08:07America,
08:10Archbishop,
08:12and Sir Dutti.
08:15Congratulations,
08:16to the De-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de!
08:21Who?
08:33very good well done well done Harry enter your majesty ah my lord archbishop there
08:47were just a couple of points I've always despised you well you are my father of
09:05course you're biased compared to your beloved brother Harry our excrement is
09:14compared to cream oh my lord you flatter me but I've at last found a use for you don't try
09:24to get
09:25out of it no no no no no certainly not I just wondered whether perhaps another man um equally
09:31weak-willed and feeble might do just as well ha there's no such man oh no no of course silly
09:40me
09:41uh I thought though perhaps you know someone who believed in God no no no no no no no if
09:47I needed
09:48someone who believed in God I'd have chosen Harry not an embarrassing little weed like you oh well
09:57I think that's everything cleared up goodness it must be almost time to read a song must be going
10:04Egbert
10:08come here
10:20a word of advice if you cross me now or ever I shall do unto you what God did unto
10:31the Sodomites oh my lord I
10:32think that's a very good idea well I shall make myself available for all eventualities thank you so much
10:42and I'm waiting for you we've got the thumbscrews the foot crusher the nose hooks those long rods you're rather
11:06Where's the Torst?
11:09Here we go.
11:12Right, let's go.
11:13Archbishop!
11:19Hello.
11:21Going somewhere?
11:24Um...
11:26Yes.
11:28Where?
11:31Can...
11:32Canterbury?
11:34Good.
11:35Good.
11:37Hurry here with a come, Neil.
11:39I would hate to see you murdered before your investiture.
11:45To date!
11:47Fresh horses!
11:49My lord, if we're going to catch the boat to France, you'll have to hurry.
11:53Um, the boat to France?
11:55Um, you off to France, Percy?
11:59I thought we all were.
12:01No, no.
12:02Harry and I are off to Canterbury.
12:04Hi, Harry.
12:07Oh, I see.
12:09You've changed your plan.
12:11No.
12:12No, not really.
12:13The only change is if you could go and put your face in some manure...
12:18...and follow it at a reasonable distance.
12:20That would be fine.
12:22Great.
12:23And another thing that bothers me, Your Grace.
12:26Suppose my right hand offends me and I cut it off.
12:29Well, wouldn't my left hand offends me as well?
12:33I mean, what do I cut it off with?
12:37Ah, yes.
12:38Yes, that is a knotty one.
12:40Yes!
12:53Where is that?
12:54I don't know.
12:56But that tall fellow, he had a face full of manure.
13:00That's what I call style.
13:11You, Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh, believe in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost?
13:25Um, yes.
13:26I then name thee Archbishop of Canterbury and primate of all England.
13:39The Church!
13:54His investiture over, Archbishop Edmund the Unwilling swiftly adopted the ways of the cloth.
14:02But ever the shadow of his father's threat hung over him, until at last, one day...
14:07Tell me, Brother Baldrick, exactly what did God do to the Sodomites?
14:11I don't know, my lord.
14:12I can't imagine it was worse than what they used to do to each other.
14:20Oh, my God, this is it!
14:22Baldrick, go and get me Lord Bishop of Ramsgate!
14:26Get Percy! Get Percy!
14:32My life is hanging by a thread.
14:41And if I don't leave my lands to the Church, then what?
14:47Then, Lord Graveney, you will assuredly go to hell.
14:50Oh, there's...
14:51Hell, where the air is pungent with the aroma of roasted behinds.
14:58No, no!
15:02I place my lands in the hands of the Church, and so bid the world farewell.
15:12What?
15:14Shh!
15:14The Archbishop not yet arrived?
15:16Not yet, and even if he did arrive!
15:19Wait!
15:20Too late!
15:21Get out of my way!
15:22I've killed a pair of you!
15:24I have killed your brother!
15:26I'll abolish the Church!
15:28My lord!
15:29My lord!
15:30Ah!
15:31I said out!
15:32Get out!
15:33My lord!
15:34My lord!
15:35My lord!
15:36Wake up!
15:38Wake up!
15:39Wake up!
15:40Ah!
15:41Ah!
15:43am i in paradise no no not yet then this must be hell the last spare my posterior
15:53it's england and you are not satan no i'm the archbishop of canterbury
16:01i have left all my lands to the church am i to be saved no you treacherous wine
16:08i can't wait wait let's let's just take this through in stages um you know the church doesn't
16:20really need your land now what it makes is a damn good pressure if i do not gain its blessing
16:26i will surely go to hell well we're tiny tweezers someone like you go to hell never
16:39but i have committed many sins oh that's happened to me all haven't we all i murdered my father
16:44i know how you feel
16:48hurry up back back and i have committed adultery well who hasn't more than a thousand times
16:56it is 1487 with my mother what you see i will go to hell
17:04hell where no slight turnips go out with the notion the airs
17:09kill that pressure
17:13well let's take hell um you know hell isn't as bad as it's cracked up to be
17:20what no no no no no no you see the thing about heaven is that heaven is for people who
17:27like the
17:27sort of things that go on in heaven like uh well singing talking to god watering pot plants
17:37hell on the other hand is is for people who like the other sorts of things adultery pillage
17:45torture
17:47who's areas really leave your lands to the crown and once you're dead you will have the time of your
17:55life adultery pillage through all eternity
18:01that sticks against your tender portions
18:06well ravenny
18:08what is this very well
18:10i leave my lands to the crown and my soul in the hands of the lord
18:17may he treat me like the piece of refuse that i am and send me to hell
18:24amen amen you're a very lucky man
18:27i wish i could be coming with you but you know being archbishop i'm so sorry
18:32yeah that's all right
18:42my son father father my son
18:53who's that look like the kind of peril would kill the archbishop of canterbury to me
19:00technical
19:05yeah father it's me pax yes of course sorry harry you're improving yes well thank you father good
19:14night mother
19:17he's gaining on me he's gaining on me
19:21and how was edmund oh well well very well
19:25he's getting fresh horse and how are his dear little sheep
19:32who's sheep edmund's sheep
19:35what sheep
19:37well the ones are canterbury his flock that he was talking about
19:48i can't understand it edmund doesn't even like religion
19:53that's impossible he's the archbishop of canterbury
19:57yes and the archbishop of canterbury is also a naughty little boy
20:01whose bottom i had to smack for relieving himself in default
20:05oh that was a long time ago it was last thursday
20:16hell the boys turned out well
20:18a long and healthy life to him
20:31i thank god that in my lifetime never again shall i have to say
20:36who will rid me of this turbulent priest
20:41and what is that
20:42it's something that my ancestor henry the second one said when he was having trouble with thomas
20:47sir beckett he was sitting at a table like this with two drunken knights and he yelled out
20:53who will read me of this turbulent priest
20:57what what oh god save it i said
21:03who will read me of this turbulent priest
21:06meaning who the archbishop of canterbury of course
21:14well they went straight off and killed him of course
21:22right now let's get down to business shall we business yes
21:26a board because we're looking at some of the ways we can actually make a bit of money on this
21:30job
21:31basically there appear to be four major profit areas
21:36curses pardons relics and selling the sexual favors of nuns
21:40selling the sexual favors of nuns yeah
21:42he means some people actually pay for them
21:44oh foreign businessmen other nuns
21:46oh well this is a fair selection basically you seem to get what you pay for
21:53they run all the way from this one which is a pardon for talking with your mouth full
21:57signed by an apprentice curate in tukesbury
22:00how much is that two pebbles uh all the way up to this one which is a pardon for anything
22:06whatsoever including murder adultery or dismemberment of a close friend or relative
22:11who's that signed by both popes
22:15curses are pretty much the same really i've got this one for uh half an egg
22:21curse dear anyway i curse you and hope that something slightly unpleasant happens to you like
22:28an onion falling on your head well that is the bottom end of the market they run all the way
22:33to this one for four ducats dear enemy may the lord hate you and all your kind may you be
22:39turned
22:39orange in hue and may your head fall off at an awkward moment
22:45does this work yes moving on to relics we've got shrouds from uh turin
22:58wine from the wedding at cana splinters from the cross
23:03and of course there's uh little stuff made by jesus in his days in the carpentry shop
23:07we've got uh pipe racks coffee tables cake stands bookings crucifixes
23:16nice cheese board food bowls waterproof sandals
23:23i haven't finished this one yet but this is disgraceful my lord all of these are obviously
23:27fake yes but but how will people be able to tell the difference between these and the real relics
23:33but they won't that's the point well you won't be able to fool everyone look
23:41i have here a true relic what is it there's a bone from the finger of our lord
23:52it cost me 31 pieces of silver good lord is it real it is my lord
24:00baldrick you stand amazed ah i thought they only came in boxes at 10
24:08yeah fingers are really big at the moment mind you for a really quick sale you can't beat a nose
24:14for instance this is the uh sacred appendage compendium party pack you get jesus's nose
24:20a couple of st peter's nose a couple of st francis's nose and uh oh no they're jonah lark's
24:27oh you little bastard verdure i'll show him
24:35i'll show him
24:40good evening and um and what can i do for you well we're here to murder the archbishop of canterbury
24:50there is enemies oh yes we fear he may be in danger really how well let me see perhaps good
25:00king richard angry with the archbishop for some reason don't know why might well send two drunken
25:05knights freshly returned from the crusade on a mission to weak vengeance on him that's a good
25:13point it has happened before quite yes i'm sorry i didn't quite catch your names oh george
25:20how do you do justin de boynard uh two drunken knights special return from the crusades and here
25:29on a mission for good king richard god bless oh yes and your your mission well as i said we're
25:36here
25:36to kill a bit of time yes before our next crusade oh right yes well i'll i'll just go and
25:45get him
25:48oh baldrick uh a couple of nights here to see uh the archbishop oh my god
25:59monks my lord i've got something to say it's the one about the nuns of uppingham and the candelabra
26:06don't bother i've heard it no the fact is uh there's two men outside who've come to kill you
26:16i'm totally sorry about this i'll i'll just see what the delay is
26:23what's going on those two men have come to kill us oh come on honestly baldrick just because a couple
26:28of people have a bit of breeding you assume they're bound to be mindless killers oh my god there's no
26:34way
26:35no way out help help oh my god oh my god help us
26:54they've dropped off
27:14a little sisters of indolence three men came in which way did they go
27:26oh i think they went that way god bless you
27:36wait they'll be watching out for us dressed like this quick in here
27:49oh
27:54Pray, Sister, have you seen two burly nights pass this way?
27:59Um, no, Sister.
28:02Now is the pity.
28:05Why don't you try that way?
28:08Thank you very much.
28:09You're welcome.
28:17And yet, Mother Superior...
28:20There's not St Paul's say in the Ephesians.
28:23A woman is like a bat.
28:27Often heard, but never seen.
28:30No, I don't think so, Sarah.
28:33Shall we check the dormitory?
28:35Oh, yes, Mother Superior. What a good idea.
28:45Girls! Girls! Girls!
28:47If I told you once, I've told you a thousand times.
28:51Fighting in the dormitory is completely forbidden.
28:53Who is the ringleader here?
28:55You. Yes, you, the plain girl.
29:01Oh, my God. It's the Archbishop of Canterbury.
29:06Canterbury!
29:09I think I can explain.
29:16And that, sweet lady, is the whole story.
29:19Let us go over the facts again.
29:21Having been appointed Archbishop,
29:23you found that all your interest lay in the beauty of your vestments.
29:27Ah, the fine embroidery.
29:28Unable to resist the slide into depravity,
29:33you began to dress up in the habit of a nun.
29:35I could not resist the texture of the Hessian underthings.
29:39Oh, I can understand that.
29:41Then you forced the Bishop of Ramsgate
29:44and one brother Baldrick to do so also.
29:47Oh, may I be cursed for it?
29:49And finally, you got two knights drunk
29:52and invited them to come and wrestle with you
29:54inside the nunnery in an orgy of heathen perversity.
29:58Yes, shit.
29:59Well, there's an unmistakable ring of truth.
30:02And I must therefore tell you
30:04that this morning I have written urgently
30:06to all three popes recommending your immediate excommunication.
30:10Never more may you be Archbishop of Canterbury.
30:13Oh, dear.
30:15That's enough, Sister Sire.
30:17I think he's learnt his lesson.
30:18Oh, sorry.
30:21Oh, cool.
30:22Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
30:23Go, Sarah, and meet thy doom!
30:28Oh, my God!
30:48Oh, my God!
30:59Quick!
30:59The nunnery's on fire!
31:01The son of hoofbeats cross the glade
31:06Good folk lock up your son and daughter
31:10Beware the deadly flashing blade
31:13Unless you want to end up shorter
31:20Blackadder, Blackadder
31:22He rides a pitch-black steed
31:28Blackadder, Blackadder
31:30Blackadder, Blackadder
31:30He's very bad indeed
31:34Black, his gloves are finest mole
31:38Black, his codpiece made of metal
31:42His horse is blacker than a vole
31:45His pot is blacker than his kettle
31:49Blackadder, Blackadder
31:54Blackadder, Blackadder
31:55With many a cunning plan
31:59Blackadder, Blackadder
32:02You horrid little man
32:07Alas, the corruption of the world
32:09Yes, alas, Mother Superior
32:12I'm tired and weary
32:13You may leave me now
32:15Very well
32:16Alas
32:18So, presumably, you won't be needing the unicorn tonight
32:21No
32:23No, not tonight, sir
32:32I'm tired and weary
32:32I'm tired and weary
32:32I'm tired and weary
32:32I'm tired and weary
32:32I'm tired and weary
32:33I'm tired and weary
32:33I'm tired and weary
32:34I'm tired and weary
32:34I'm tired and weary
32:34I'm tired and weary
32:35I'm tired and weary
32:36I'm tired and weary
32:36I'm tired and weary
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