00:07you know i love this room it reminds me so much of a kitchen
00:17waldo this is a kitchen
00:24everybody wants to exercise if you want to exercise get arnold schwarzenegger or somebody
00:30is a table let's see dad you okay no i'm not kids take a look at me how would you
00:38describe my physique
00:45big bone
00:51husky wide load
00:55what do you know i know this is the kitchen
01:05lieutenant murtaugh shoot me out today he said i was out of condition and he wants me to beat him
01:09down at the police gym for a serious workout at 5 30 sharp but it's only four o'clock dad
01:13i know
01:14i'm gonna stop for some waffles on the way
01:21hey you want to come hang out with this kid stuff i'm going to stay right here and enjoy the
01:25fact that
01:26i am momentarily urkelous you know i highly recognize you without him that's because he's
01:34usually buzzing around me like the world's nerdiest net and the cute guys show me like to play because
01:39they don't want to put up with the uaf uaf urkel annoyance factor
01:46you know laura hang in there your dream guy could walk into your life when you least expect it
02:09you know
02:09see now you two be home by midnight
02:23it's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper page
02:30and love and tradition of the grand design some people say it's even harder to find
02:37well then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls
02:46cause all i see is the tower of dreams real love bursting out of every scene
02:56is
02:58We're gonna fill our house with happiness
03:01Blue may cry
03:04But we'll smother the blues with dead loveness
03:08As days go by
03:11There's room for you, room for me
03:15For gentle hearts and opportunity
03:19As days go by
03:22It's the bigger love of the family
03:40What's the matter with you?
03:49You shouldn't run ahead of me like that
03:52We attract much less attention when we're together
04:05Hey, Urkel, who's the new kid?
04:08Oh, this is Lowell
04:10He's an orangutan, pongo pigmaeus
04:12This is my best bud, Eddo
04:14Hey
04:15Hey
04:18This is Waldo
04:20In evolutionary terms, he's a few million years behind you
04:34And this stunning creature is my raison d'etre
04:37Ma belle par amour fantastique
04:40Laura
04:44Steve, where did you get Lowell?
04:47The behavioral sciences lab
04:48I'm trying to find out why dogs always look relieved when you come back home
04:55But what has that got to do with Lowell?
04:57This afternoon I found out that Lowell is scheduled to undergo extremely dangerous research
05:02Testing discount parachutes
05:06So Lowell and I skedaddled
05:10You two waltzed right out of there today in broad daylight?
05:14Well Lowell did
05:16But they detained me for five minutes for looking suspicious
05:21Come on Lowell
05:22We have to get you back in the basement before Ma and Pa Urkel get home
05:29Turn out Steve
05:30How long do you think you can keep an orangutan in your basement?
05:33Till Monday when the banks open
05:35Then I'll get all my cash out and buy Lowell from the laboratory
05:38And then donate him to the zoo
05:40But what if you get caught before then?
05:42Well that's a risk I've got to take
05:45Lowell's my friend and friends help each other
05:48I mean, I was just picturing Lowell
05:51Jumping from that Cessna at 10,000 feet
05:55With a cut-rate parachute
06:05Thank you Lowell
06:11So until Monday morning
06:13Lowell and I are on the lam
06:45Sorry I'm late sir, but I got held up in traffic
06:49Don't lie to me Winslow
06:52I smell syrup on your breath
06:55I just had one waffle, sir
06:58Sure, it starts with one waffle
06:59Then it's two
07:00Then three
07:02Before you know it
07:03You need Vaseline and a shoehorn to get into your squad car
07:08Sir, can we get on with this?
07:09I'd like to go home
07:10I have a family
07:15Sergeant
07:17This treadmill is the secret to my incredible physique
07:22Thanks to this treadmill
07:23I was able to chase down Nitro Newton
07:25The Boston bomber
07:28Made me a hero
07:30Wouldn't you like to be a hero?
07:32Instead of just eating them?
07:37You know
07:38I object to that crack, sir
07:40You outrank me
07:41But you do not have the right to treat me with disrespect
07:45I don't?
07:48Sir, I don't mind exercising
07:50But no more jokes about my weight, okay?
07:53Fine
07:54Now get on this treadmill
07:56Both of you
08:04Congratulations
08:04You're about to exercise on Altria
08:07The automated linguistic treadmill
08:10Talk to me, baby
08:13Please state your personal codename now
08:17Personal codename?
08:19It starts you on your individual program
08:20I recommend you use mine
08:22It'll help you get in shape front of it
08:25Please state your personal codename now
08:29Stallion
08:33Stallion
08:33Stallion
08:33Little nickname I picked up
08:35During a moment of passion
08:37When I was young and alone
08:38I'm sorry
08:39I'm sorry
08:41I'm sorry
08:47I'm sorry
08:51Who's my name?
08:54It's not my name
08:55It's not my name
08:55I'm no longer
08:55I'm sorry
08:56Let's go
08:57It's not my name
08:58You're alright
09:13Look at her, Lowell.
09:16Isn't my Laura achingly beautiful?
09:23Have you ever seen a woman who could even hope to compare?
09:31Yeah? Well, just remember, I got dibs. Go find your own girl.
09:35Pssst!
09:44Now we have to be very careful how we wake Laura.
09:47Why, finding you here unannounced would be a shock to anyone's system.
09:51But Laura is especially delicate.
09:54Why, her little bird heart can only take so much shock.
09:57Steve!
09:58Whoa!
10:01What are you doing here?
10:03My dad ordered me to get rid of Lowell.
10:05He found out I was hiding him out in the house.
10:08How?
10:09Well, Lowell got a hold of my dad's credit card and ran him up on the home shopping network.
10:16He bought three gold chains, a refrigerator, and a ceramic litre vino.
10:23Go home.
10:24Okay, but can Lowell crash here tonight?
10:27No.
10:27Lowell!
10:28Please?
10:29Please?
10:30Please?
10:35Please?
10:36Please?
10:41Please?
10:44One night.
10:45But you have to promise you'll have Lowell out here before breakfast.
10:47Deal.
10:49Now I have to figure out where Lola's gonna sleep.
10:59One, two, three, four, and five.
11:06Okay, there's your hush money.
11:09Now I expect the both of you to keep your lips zipped about the ape in Laura's room.
11:15Ape?
11:17What ape?
11:20Excellent.
11:22Red alert, red alert.
11:24Lola's gone. He's losing the house.
11:26Let's split before he wants his money back.
11:35Coffee.
11:37I need coffee.
11:40What's with you?
11:41I just had the worst nightmare of my whole life.
11:45What? That you had to move out and pay rent?
11:49No.
11:51See, I was out on this date with Denzel Washington and he kept begging me to kiss him.
11:56So I puckered up and closed my eyes and he planted one on me.
12:02But when I opened my eyes, it wasn't Denzel. It was some ugly looking ape.
12:06Ooh!
12:09Rachel, you've got to stop eating those meatball sandwiches before bed.
12:13They're messing you up bad.
12:17You're right, Harriet.
12:18You're right, Harriet.
12:18I have enough trouble with men when I'm awake.
12:47Harriet, the coffee's not doing it.
12:49Harriet, the coffee's not doing it.
12:50I'm calling a doctor.
12:56Morning, Carl.
12:59I made you French toast.
13:00Waffles.
13:03Okay, then I'll make waffles.
13:11I'm fine.
13:14Hmm.
13:26Oh my god.
13:26Oh, man.
13:30Oh!
13:31Oh!
13:31Oh!
13:32Oh!
13:32Oh!
13:32Oh my god!
13:33You're exercising on Altrea.
13:35State your personal codename now.
13:39Stallion.
13:41State your personal codename now.
13:46Stallion.
13:48State your personal codename now.
13:51Stallion. The codename is Stallion.
13:57Please enter the number of minutes you...
14:00Hello, Myrtle. You recognize this voice?
14:03It's me, Nitro Newton, the Boston bomber.
14:07You bragged about being such great shape when you busted me last month.
14:12You said the treadmill was my downfall.
14:15Well, this treadmill will be your downfall.
14:18I'd put a bomb in it, Myrtle.
14:20A bomb?
14:21That's right, a bomb.
14:24You understand, Myrtle?
14:26You're gonna blow up the second you step off this machine.
14:43You're an arrogant, pompous jerk, Myrtle.
14:47And now you're gonna die.
14:49I'm Matt Myrtle. I'm Winslow.
14:51You're blowing up the wrong guy.
14:53Keep walking, Myrtle. You'll be blown to bits.
14:57Help! Help me!
14:59Help!
15:01What's the matter, Carl?
15:03Listen, we're all cops in this room, right?
15:05Right!
15:06I mean, we stick together, right?
15:08Right!
15:09Good, because there's a bomb in this machine.
15:18Thank you, fellow officers.
15:20I'm on my way.
15:24You want me to get Lieutenant Myrtle in here?
15:26Jaworski, if this bomb goes off,
15:29it'll kill anybody who's in the room with me.
15:31Get him in here.
15:36Okay, just stay calm.
15:38I can walk forever.
15:40I feel good.
15:42I feel great.
16:01I came as soon as I heard.
16:03Is the bomb squad on the way?
16:05No, all the bomb units are busy.
16:07All of them? How come?
16:08Well, the Middle East Peace Conference is in town.
16:11What?
16:12Shouldn't you keep walking?
16:17Listen, I gotta catch my breath.
16:33Listen, let's switch places without stopping.
16:35That way we can trade off until the bomb squad gets here.
16:39Uh, I don't know.
16:39I don't have the right shoes on,
16:41and plus I had a very heavy lunch.
16:42Get on there, Brad, now!
16:44Go on, go!
16:44Go on, go!
16:45Go on, go!
16:47Go on, go!
16:47Go on, go!
16:48Go on, go!
16:58You know, this thing is really moving.
17:00Yeah.
17:01Well, that's not good.
17:03It's not good to start at a very high speed.
17:06Why not?
17:07Well, for one thing, I could get a...
17:09A clamp!
17:10Oh, a clamp!
17:11Right here, right over here!
17:13Oh, I can't!
17:16It hurts!
17:17It hurts!
17:17We gotta take places!
17:27Oh, darn the luck!
17:29Listen, you're gonna have to try to disarm the bomb ourselves.
17:34Okay.
17:36Can you get the top off the console?
17:38Uh, yeah.
17:40There's a screwdriver blade in my Swiss Army knife.
17:47You know, my brother was a demolitions expert in the United States Marine Corps.
17:50Oh, really?
17:51Well, I wish he was here.
17:53No, I think we're better off without Stumpy.
18:00Oh.
18:01There's enough explosives in any level of the entire building!
18:03Yeah.
18:04Carl?
18:04Huh?
18:05I'm feeling a little faint.
18:06Don't worry, Lieutenant.
18:07You'll be fine.
18:09Huh?
18:09Just concentrate on the bomb.
18:10Really?
18:11How many wires are there?
18:12Uh, three.
18:14Red, blue, and yellow.
18:16Oh, oh, oh.
18:18Oh, oh.
18:19You don't try to pull.
18:19No, but tell me you know.
18:21I really want you to tell me that.
18:22Please.
18:22The yellow one!
18:23All right.
18:23Uh, how do you know?
18:26Red, we're dead.
18:27Blue, we're through.
18:29Yellow, we're mellow.
18:30How do you know it isn't a yellow word, yellow, blue word, goo, red word?
18:34You'll not pull the wire!
18:51We're not dead.
18:53No, sir.
18:55Oh, but we sure came close.
18:58Yes, sir.
18:59Oh.
19:00Oh.
19:01Oh.
19:02Oh.
19:03Oh.
19:04Oh.
19:04Oh.
19:04Oh.
19:04Oh.
19:06Oh, Joe.
19:11Congratulations on not feigning, sir.
19:15How did you know which wire to pull?
19:19I didn't.
19:20I guessed.
19:23Great guess.
19:51I went to the lamb and I paid for Lowell.
19:54I also bought five hamsters that only walk to the right.
20:00Well, I guess we better be getting to the zoo, right?
20:02Right.
20:03Let's go, Lowell.
20:08Yellow, let's roll.
20:13Well, you know, you don't want to go.
20:16Why not?
20:22Well, I'm going to miss you, too.
20:30But I'll come and visit you a lot.
20:33Hey, and so will Laura.
20:40Hey, we're best buddies, and we're going to be spending a lot of time together.
20:54Hey, I love you, too, Lowell.
20:56Aw.
20:58Aw.
20:59Aw.
20:59Aw.
20:59At least lie down and take a nap.
21:01Aw.
21:01Aw.
21:03Aw.
21:04Aw, you're almost blown up.
21:05I mean, that had to affect you.
21:06Not me.
21:08I am a trained professional.
21:10Stress doesn't affect me one iota.
21:22Maybe just a little nap, Harry.
21:24Wake me just before Christmas.
21:56I love you
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