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00:04I hate my school picture this year.
00:07My hair looks funny, my dress is ugly, and I'm smiling like a goon.
00:13Yeah, that's you.
00:23Hi, Laura, my little photogenic fox.
00:28It's that time of year again, the day everybody exchanges their school pictures.
00:34Sorry, I don't think I can spare one, Steve. I only have 144.
00:40Oh, I understand. I'll just stick around and stare at the real thing.
00:48Here, take two, and don't bother me next year.
00:52Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I've got yours outside.
00:59Is it just me, or do I get better looking every year?
01:04It's just you.
01:12Here you go, my sweet.
01:21It's gonna be hard getting that into my wallet.
01:29Hi, Carl.
01:34Oh, no.
01:38There's two of them.
01:52It's a rare condition this day and age
01:56To read any good news on the newspaper page
01:59Love and tradition of the grand design
02:02Some people say it's even harder to find
02:07Well, then there must be some magic clue
02:10Inside these gentle walls
02:13Cause all I see
02:16Cause all I see
02:16Is a tower of dreams
02:18Real love bursting at every scene
02:21As days go by
02:26We're gonna fill our house with happiness
02:29The moon may cry
02:32But we'll smother the blues with tenderness
02:37As days go by
02:39As days go by
02:39There's room for you
02:42Room for me
02:43For gentle hearts and opportunity
02:46As days go by
02:51It's the bigger love
03:06It's the bigger love of the family
03:08Hi, honey.
03:10Hi, sweetie.
03:10How was your day?
03:11Rough.
03:12I just spent two hours talking a guy off a ledge
03:15Then found out he was a window washer.
03:21I can't believe you did this to me
03:24Why are you so upset?
03:26It's just a stupid video game
03:28Stupid video game?
03:30What's the problem here?
03:31I don't have a problem
03:32I just got the highest score ever at Space Invaders
03:35Oh, sure.
03:36Rub it in
03:37Well, I guess we know now
03:38Who used to have the highest score
03:41I don't think girls should be allowed
03:43To play video games, period
03:44They should stick to cheerleading
03:47Where they belong
03:51Eddie, that is the most chauvinistic thing
03:54I've ever heard you say
03:55I'll straighten them out, honey
03:57Come on, son
03:57We need to have a little talk
03:59Step into my office, please
04:06What's wrong?
04:09Well, son
04:10I don't think you're upset because you were beaten
04:13I think you're upset because you were beaten by a girl
04:16Well, yeah
04:19Son, this is the 90s
04:21The age of the enlightened man
04:23We are no longer threatened by women who are smarter
04:26Or make more money
04:27Or who beat us at sports
04:29We're not?
04:30No
04:32Son
04:34Today's man is compassionate and sensitive
04:36And only wants to live in peace and harmony with today's female
04:41A real man is a man who is able to admit defeat
04:44Now, I want you to go back in there
04:46And you tell your sister that you're happy for
04:50All right
04:57Go ahead, son
05:01Laura
05:02Um
05:04I'm sorry I was such a sore loser
05:06You beat me fair and square
05:08And you deserve to be the champ
05:10Thanks
05:11And Eddie
05:12I didn't beat you
05:13I crushed you
05:18Edward
05:20You're right
05:22Laura, it's the 90s
05:23And I'm an enlightened man
05:25And I only want to live in peace and harmony with you
05:28Congratulations on your victory
05:32Wow
05:32You left here with Eddie Winslow and returned with Alan Alda
05:49Bye, Ted
05:50Bye, Lowell
05:51You guys have great form
05:56Rachel
05:56Will you forget about picking up those two guys and pick up that spare?
06:01I can do both, you know
06:07Yes!
06:15Woo!
06:20Snack time
06:22Did you guys want something?
06:28Boy, you know
06:30Bowling was a great idea
06:31I can't think of a single reason
06:33Not to do this every week
06:38Hi, everybody
06:41I just thought of a reason
06:44Steve, what are you doing here?
06:46I come here three or four times a week
06:48Oh, sort of like a second home
06:50Oh, no, Carl
06:51That would be your place
06:56Dad, it's your turn
06:58Go game
07:11Go ahead, Carl
07:12No, after you
07:14Oh, no, I insist
07:15No, please
07:15Oh, no, really, I couldn't
07:17Etiquette demands deference to the bowler on the left
07:20Unless, of course, it's a league situation
07:22Just bowl
07:25Thank you
07:47Shirley
07:48Shirley
07:58A little high in the pocket
07:59Fortunately, I got good pin action
08:03I'll give you some pin action
08:17Darn, I was robbed
08:18That should have been a strike
08:19Well, not really, Carl
08:21Your push-off was late
08:23And you short-armed that follow-through
08:26Of course, nine out of ten is very good
08:31Listen, Carl, this is an easy spare to pick up
08:34No problem, can't miss
08:48Oops, guess you can
08:55Well, not a great finish
08:57But we still win
08:59Not yet, Carl
09:01If Harriet throws three strikes in a row
09:03She beats you by one pin
09:05You hear that, Mom?
09:07You can still win
09:08Are you kidding?
09:09Mom can never be Dad
09:11Eddie, never say never
09:13That's right, never
09:15Get up there, honey
09:15Show them what you do
09:16That's my sister
09:17She can fall
09:18Go ahead, show them
09:19I'm my sister, you
09:21Put that thing at her
09:32He's good, Carl
09:33Two more goals
09:34And you're history
09:48Whoa, that's two, Carl
09:50Hanging by a thread
10:08She did it, Carl
10:09She beat you
10:10You took the gas
10:12You whipped belly up
10:16Of course, there's nothing wrong with second place
10:23Harriet, I want a rematch
10:25Mm-hmm, so is Mike Tyson
10:27Come on, y'all, let's go home
10:36We're not going anywhere
10:37I'm serious
10:38I want a rematch
10:39You just got lucky
10:40I want a rematch
10:42And I want it now
10:56The winner and still champion
11:00Carl Otis Winslow
11:02I can't believe that man
11:12Harriet, just be glad Carl won the rematch
11:15Or we'd still be at the bowling alley
11:18I hate bowling
11:19It's a stupid sport
11:21You got that right
11:22Throwing an ugly ten-pound ball
11:25At a bunch of ugly sticks
11:26While you're wearing ugly shoes
11:28It's an ugly sport
11:33It's a great sport
11:36And do you know why?
11:38Because it's a man sport
11:42They make the ball heavy
11:43So women don't know
11:44To leave it alone
11:46Excuse me
11:47But I think you don't know
11:48It's a land time
11:50Hey, hey
11:51It's late
11:52And I don't want to hear
11:53Any more fighting
11:54Go upstairs
11:55And go to bed
11:57He started it
11:59How did I start it?
12:00By being born first
12:02You got the whole family
12:03Off on the wrong foot
12:08Boy
12:08Five hours at a bowling alley
12:11That's the most time
12:12I ever spent in rented shoes
12:15I hope Carl got all that gloating
12:17Out of his system
12:19Ladies and gentlemen
12:22As the winner of the bowling rematch
12:25I hereby declare this
12:28An official
12:29Carl Winslow holiday
12:32Looks like there's still
12:33A couple of gloats left
12:35Excuse me
12:36I'm gonna go check on Richie
12:38What's wrong with her?
12:40I thought we all had fun tonight
12:44Carl, no one had fun tonight
12:47But you
12:48Now, Harriet
12:49I am surprised at you
12:51I thought you were
12:52A better loser than this
12:53You won the rematch, okay?
12:55Case closed
12:59Now, come on, Harriet
13:01I think we need to talk
13:03About this now
13:03Because I don't want you
13:04To feel bad
13:05Just because
13:06I'm the better boy
13:08Okay, I don't feel bad
13:10Good
13:11Because
13:11I'd really feel bad
13:13About being the better bowler
13:15If it made you feel bad
13:18Give me a break
13:19No, Harriet
13:20Now, come on
13:21I think you'd feel a lot better
13:23If you just came right out
13:24And said
13:26That I'm the better bowler
13:30That I'm a better bowler
13:31Than you
13:34Don't push me, Carl
13:38Harriet
13:39The foundation
13:40Of a good marriage
13:42Is truth
13:43And as husband and wife
13:44I think that you and I
13:46Need to just face
13:46That truth together
13:47So, come on
13:48Let's just face
13:49That truth, Harriet
13:51Here we go now
13:53Just say
13:54My husband, Carl
13:55Is a better bowler
13:57Okay, that did it
13:59You want to face
14:00Some truth, Carl?
14:01How about this truth?
14:02The only reason
14:03You won that rematch tonight
14:04Was because I
14:05Let you win
14:08Well, you don't really
14:09Expect me to believe that
14:11Yeah
14:12And it's not the first time
14:13I did it either
14:14I've been letting you
14:15Win at bowling
14:15Ever since before
14:16We were married
14:20Well, Richie's fine
14:21Hey, Rachel
14:22You want a good laugh?
14:24Sure
14:24Your sister claims
14:26That she let me win
14:28The rematch
14:30I knew it
14:31I knew you were holding back
14:33See, what did I tell you?
14:35Oh, sure
14:36She's your sister
14:38Of course she's gonna support
14:39This silly notion
14:40That you're a better bowler
14:41Than me
14:42Carl, I'm warning you
14:44I mean, it's a simple
14:45Fact of nature
14:46Men are better bowlers
14:48Than women
14:52What
14:53Kind of male
14:54Chauvinist garbage
14:56Is that?
14:57Now, Rachel
14:58I'm not saying
14:59That men are better
14:59At everything
15:00But, hey
15:01We're talking bowling here
15:03And bowling
15:04Is primarily
15:05A man thing
15:08Okay, that did it
15:10We're going bowling
15:10The men against the women
15:12Tonight, right now
15:13One game
15:13Let's hit it right up
15:14Now you're gonna be sorry
15:14Now you're gonna be sorry
15:15I tried to point my sister
15:16Spide up
15:17She's getting fired up
15:17She's dangerous
15:18She's dangerous
15:19Don't be talking
15:19Good night, guys
15:21What are you doing
15:22With your pajamas on?
15:24You told me to go to bed
15:26Well, get dressed
15:27Get your brother
15:27And get in the car
15:28We're going bowling
15:29That's right
15:29Because we're going
15:30To put them
15:30And they're going to
15:31Don't you tell me
15:32I don't know
15:32Don't start those
15:33Don't you tell me
15:34I don't know
15:34Don't start those
15:36Don't you tell me
15:37Okay
16:00A strike, ladies
16:02I guess that puts the men
16:03In the lead
16:04Again
16:06Enjoy it right again
16:08Go ahead, honey
16:09You won't be leading
16:10For long
16:17Eddie, you did that
16:24On purpose
16:25Did what?
16:27I'm gonna get you
16:28For this, Eddie
16:29Oh, really?
16:30I'm shaking
16:33You better be
16:34Because it won't be today
16:36And it won't be tomorrow
16:37But someday
16:38When you're least expecting it
16:40You're gonna wake up
16:41With some hair missing
16:47It's all right, Laura
16:48We'll catch up to them
16:50Uh-oh
16:51Steve Ball's next
16:52Look, if he makes
16:53Another strike
16:54We are in real trouble
16:56Don't worry about a thing
16:58I'll answer him
17:06Hi, Steve
17:09Hi, Laura
17:10You know
17:12I shouldn't be mingling
17:14With the opposition
17:15But
17:15I just wanted to tell you
17:17How handsome you look
17:18Under fluorescent lighting
17:23Really?
17:25Yeah
17:25And
17:26I just wanted to wish you
17:28Good luck
17:28Thank you
17:32My
17:34With strong arms
17:50She
17:51She does me, Carl
17:55I can't breathe
17:56All the parents
17:57Look like Laura
18:01Steve
18:01Get a hold of yourself
18:02Boy
18:03Get a hold of yourself
18:04Here
18:05Here
18:07We need a strike, Steve
18:08Breathe into your bowling bag
18:13That's it
18:13Come on
18:15You all right
18:17Yeah, I'm okay
18:19Okay
18:19Think strike, boy
18:20Think strike
18:41There goes your secret weapon
18:56Well, champ
18:57This is it
18:59The last ball
19:00Of the last frame
19:01It's all up to you
19:04Yeah, Carl
19:05If you bowl a strike
19:06You'll be a hero
19:08But if you don't
19:09You'll be a bum
19:10A loser
19:11A goat
19:11A joker
19:12Thank you, Steve
19:13That's enough encouragement
19:15Good luck
19:17Let's go, Carl
19:18You're holding up the game
19:20Yeah, we just want to
19:21Claim our victory
19:22And get out of here
19:23Not so fast
19:24I feel a strike coming on
19:26Come on, Carl
19:28One strike
19:31Strike
19:31Strike
19:32Strike
19:33Strike
19:33Strike
19:45Hey, what happened?
19:46It was a strike
19:47I distinctly heard
19:48Ten pence fall
19:49Ten pence fall
19:53Hell, you ought to grow up
19:56I didn't tell you
19:57It was a strike
19:58I'm telling you, no way!
20:01All right, then we'll get a flashlight,
20:03go back to the bowling alley and check for ourselves.
20:05We won, you lost.
20:07Face it. Face it like a man, honey. Your wife beat the pants off.
20:09Oh, face it like a woman.
20:14You don't know anything about it. Oh, please.
20:16Keep it down. People are trying to sleep.
20:18I'm sorry, Mama, but we were discussing who won the bowling match,
20:21the men or the women.
20:24Well, we don't know.
20:26The power went off before we could find out.
20:28Man, the whole place went pitch black right before
20:30Carl's ball missed the strike they needed.
20:33Missed? That ball was right in the heart.
20:35I told you. Hey!
20:36Hey!
20:37Hey!
20:37Hey!
20:37Hey!
20:40All of you!
20:41It wasn't the storm that knocked out the power.
20:44It was the good Lord trying to show you how silly you were being.
20:49Who's better at bowling, men or women?
20:52I never heard anything so ridiculous.
20:56You're grown-ups acting like children.
20:59You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
21:01Now, I want to settle now.
21:04And do it quietly.
21:06I've got a 6 a.m. karate class.
21:16We are acting like children.
21:18Hey!
21:19Some of us are children.
21:22You know what I mean.
21:24Yeah.
21:26Well, what happened to us?
21:28Miss started out as a fun family outing and ended up as War of the Winslows.
21:34Grandma's right.
21:36This competition stuff is stupid.
21:39You're right, Eddie.
21:40I'm going to bed.
21:42Me too.
21:43Race upstairs.
21:48Boy, what a night, huh?
21:50Broke three nails.
21:51Got a blister on my thumb.
21:53And I probably caught pneumonia.
21:56But other than that, I had a great time.
21:58Good night.
22:08You know, Harriet, it was dark.
22:12Maybe I didn't knock down all the pins.
22:15So you're saying the women won?
22:19Well, let's just call it a tie.
22:22I'll accept the tie.
22:24And the next time I'm better than you at something, I'll just keep it to myself.
22:28Fine.
22:33No, it's not fine.
22:35Harriet, why should you have to do less than your best just to protect my male ego?
22:41You mean that?
22:42Yes.
22:43And, sweetheart, I am sorry for acting like a male chauvinist sometimes.
22:49That's all right, honey.
22:51You don't do it very often.
22:53In fact, someday soon, you're going to be that enlightened man you told Eddie to be.
22:58Well, I promise I'll keep trying.
23:01That's the spirit.
23:03My shoulder.
23:05I think I pulled a muscle throwing that last strike.
23:08It wasn't a strike.
23:11Harriet, if you can get this kink out of my shoulder, you can call it anything you like.
23:15LAUGHTER
23:16APPLAUSE
23:20APPLAUSE
23:21LAUGHTER
23:22APPLAUSE
23:23APPLAUSE
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