00:09Bail. Bail. Bail. Tax refund? That figure's wrong address.
00:20Hey, Harriet.
00:22Ugh. Oh.
00:25Tough day.
00:26Yeah, I finally caught up with that computer thief.
00:30He's been using this boss's name to order extra equipment.
00:33Well, at least you finally caught him.
00:35Oh, by the way, how's that new assistant working out?
00:37Not so good. He's a computer thief.
00:42I heard someone come in. I thought it might be my date.
00:47Date?
00:50Well, come on then. Sit down and tell us about it.
00:54So, who's your date?
00:57Fletcher Thomas.
00:58Ooh, he's had some.
01:00Honey, he is a major hook.
01:04He's taking me out to dinner and then we're going dancing.
01:07And after that?
01:08Well, now there may not be any after that.
01:11When men marble with mama, they drop like flies.
01:20Oh, please, don't mention it to Carl.
01:23Every time I get interested in a man, Carl has a hizzy feeling.
01:31Hello, Estelle.
01:32You look absolutely beautiful.
01:35Fletcher, if you're trying to sweet-talk me, good start.
01:41A rose for a rose.
01:44Oh.
01:46Don't wait up, honey.
02:02It's a rare condition this day and age
02:06To read any good news on the newspaper page.
02:09The love and tradition of the grand design.
02:13Some people say it's even harder to find.
02:17Well, then there must be some magic clue
02:20Inside these gentle walls.
02:23Cause all I see is a tower of dreams
02:28Real love bursting at every scene
02:32As days go by
02:36We're gonna fill our house with happiness
02:40Who may cry
02:42But we'll smother the blues with tenderness
02:47As days go by
02:49There's room for you
02:52There's room for me
02:53For gentle hearts and opportunity
02:56As days go by
03:01It's the bigger love of the family
03:19Night, Mom
03:20Night
03:20Have a great
03:23Great color
03:24Uh-huh
03:25Gotta study
03:27Yep
03:27School dance next week, good night
03:29Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
03:33School dance?
03:34Yeah, Sadie Hawkins day
03:35Girls ask boys
03:36I'm gonna ask Greg Hudson
03:38Have I met him?
03:39No
03:39But picture a Greek guy
03:41With his own moped
03:44Well, just make sure
03:46Mr. Apollo has you home before 11
03:4911?
03:50When are you gonna realize
03:51Of becoming a mature woman?
03:54When you can get through breakfast
03:55Without spitting cheerios at your sister
04:02Hey, is that that new nightgown
04:03I bought you?
04:04Yes
04:05Let me see your moped
04:06Let me see your moped
04:07Let me see your moped
04:08Oh
04:09Oh, so
04:12Come on, gang
04:16Who?
04:18Come on
04:21Nightgown
04:36Are you okay?
04:38I'm sorry
04:39It was just a shock
04:40Of seeing Laura
04:40In our unmentionables
04:45Oops, I mentioned them
04:48Mom, Richie put silly glue
04:50On the toilet seat again
04:51Well, just bring them on down here
04:53I can't
04:55Uh-oh
05:03Laura, I realize money is scarce these days
05:06But why in tarnation
05:08Doesn't someone buy that woman some shoes?
05:13Steve, what do you want?
05:15Only to serve you, m'lady
05:19Let's sit you down upon a couch
05:21Doo-da, doo-da
05:23I'll pop some grapes into your mouth
05:25Oh, the doo-da day
05:26Now you're in your place
05:28I can be in your place
05:29Steve, what do you want?
05:31Oh, I thought you might like to ask me
05:33To the Sadie Hawkins Day dance
05:35Steve, listen
05:37I was gonna wait for you to call
05:38Then I realized
05:39That would be like
05:40Waiting for Dan Quayle
05:41To appear on Jeopardy
05:48I was gonna ask Greg Hudson
05:50To the dance
05:52Greg Hudson?
05:54Smart, good-looking, rich guy
05:56But why?
06:01Well, cause I sorta like him a little
06:04Actually a lot
06:06Actually a whole lot
06:09Oh
06:10Oh, I see
06:12I see
06:14Well
06:16I really hope you and Greg have a good time
06:18You'll probably get stuck with going in a limo
06:24That's too bad
06:25Because my cousin was gonna take us
06:27In his horse trailer
06:32Steve, are you okay?
06:34Yeah, I'm alright
06:35It's just something in my eye
06:38Oh, look
06:41It was my finger
06:48Steve, I didn't mean to hurt you
06:50I just didn't wanna lead you on
06:51I know
06:52Tell you what
06:53You go ahead and ask Greg Teeter
06:55Little Cricket Hudson
06:57But if he turned you down
06:59A decision which could only be the result of inbreeding
07:03I'll be there waiting with the old horse trailer
07:05Deal?
07:06Deal
07:18Hey, what you gonna do, Willie?
07:19I'm gonna trash her
07:20Hercules Locker
07:21Why you gonna do that, Willie?
07:24Cause it's Tuesday
07:26Again?
07:26I don't know
07:32Oh no
07:57All right, come clean, Buffner.
07:59I know you did this.
08:01Not me, potato face.
08:04Potato face.
08:05Now there's a real mastery of the English language.
08:11Fellow students, I implore you.
08:14Isn't there one of you with the guts to come forth and testify against this ruffian?
08:24Sheep.
08:25You're all sheep.
08:37Oh, hi, Laura.
08:44Uh, Greg?
08:46Hi, Laura.
08:47Hi.
08:48Hi.
08:50Enough with the small talk.
08:51Would you like to go with me to the stadium because they dance?
08:58I can't, Laura.
09:00I mean, I'd like to, but I...
09:01No, you don't have to explain.
09:02I understand.
09:02No, no, no, wait.
09:03You don't understand.
09:07Good grief, man.
09:08Have you just taken leave of your senses?
09:11You were just asked out by the most wonderful woman in the world.
09:15Would you keep your voice down?
09:16Well, I'd like to go with Laura, but Willie won't let me.
09:20Buffner?
09:21The locker looter?
09:24Yeah.
09:25He told Laura he wanted her to ask him to the dance.
09:28She said no.
09:29That's my feisty filly.
09:31Yeah.
09:32Well, Willie's getting back at her.
09:33He put out word that any guy who goes to the dance with Laura will end up breathing through his
09:37ears.
09:38Huh?
09:40So he wants her to go to the dance alone?
09:43Worse.
09:43He wants her to go with you.
09:46Why, is that swine?
09:51We'll just see about that.
10:04Buffner?
10:05I have heard of some low things in my time,
10:07but forcing Laura to go to the dance with me?
10:10Well, that's just plain despicable.
10:17Sir, not only have you harassed and insulted me,
10:21but you have sullied the reputation of my lady love.
10:34I demand satisfaction.
10:37He hit me with a mitten.
10:40Be careful.
10:41He got another one.
10:46Urkel, you are dead to me.
10:51Hold me back!
10:52Hold me back!
10:55Hurry!
10:56Hurry!
10:57Hurry!
10:57Hurry!
10:59Hurry!
11:00Hurry!
11:00Get up!
11:01You do want to take a little trip out of the principal's office.
11:04No, sir.
11:06I only wish to give this Phyllis Dean the pummeling he deserves!
11:09What did he call me?
11:12Phyllis?
11:12Somebody.
11:15Little girl!
11:16He's mine!
11:17So I take it this is a fight you both want to finish?
11:19Yeah.
11:20I want you!
11:21I want you!
11:23Okay!
11:24Noon!
11:25Saturday!
11:26Silver's Gym!
11:27I'm in the ring with proper supervision.
11:31I'll be there, coach, but I got ten bucks says that Urkel won't show.
11:35Oh, I'll be there, all right, Buckner, with bells on!
11:45Hey, you really think you'll wear bells?
11:56Gee, Carl, thanks for helping me hone my pugilistic skills.
12:08I'm so fast, I'm so pretty.
12:10I'm a lean, lean, Erkel machine.
12:14Steve, are you sure you want to go through with this?
12:18I have to.
12:19Lorna's honor has been impugned by that pugnacious pile of putrid pound poop.
12:24All right, climb into the ring and let's see how much you have to learn.
12:27All right, let's see how much you have to go through with this one.
12:45Ready!
12:46Swell.
12:48Okay, show me your fighting stance.
12:52How's this?
12:54Great, if you're fighting the Easter Bunny.
12:57All right, now, uh, show me your fighting style.
13:03Steve.
13:05Steve.
13:06Steve!
13:08Huh?
13:09That's not a fighting style.
13:11That's a plea for help.
13:13Teach me, Carl.
13:15All right, I'll try.
13:17But, Steve, I strongly suggest that you consider a different strategy.
13:23Instead of trying to hit your opponent, run from him.
13:26Ah, sort of like an Erkel shuffle.
13:29Right.
13:30I'll work on that, but could you show me a few punches anyway?
13:33Okay.
13:34Now, Steve, a boxer's most important punch is the jab.
13:39It's a quick, straight blow to your opponent's face.
13:42Now, let's see your jab.
13:49How's that?
13:51Fine, fine.
13:53Just next time, wait till I'm ready.
13:56Oh, sorry, big guy.
13:58Mm-hmm.
13:58Now, another good punch is the left hook.
14:00The arm travels in a circular motion, hopefully connecting with your opponent's chin.
14:04And it's a real good punch to have, especially if the other guy's just using his jab.
14:12Sorry, reflex.
14:18Another good punch to have is the right cross.
14:23It's a power move.
14:25A knock-you-out punch.
14:28Now, when you see an opening, your right hand comes across your left hand with all your weight behind it.
14:34Like this.
14:35Now, you don't want to overuse your right cross.
14:37You want to save that for the perfect moment.
14:39Most of the time, you'll be relying on your left hook and your jab.
14:50That's enough for the day, Steve.
14:58Still, when we finished that mambo and everybody applauded, I was so proud, I thought I'd bust a gut.
15:06Be honest, Fletcher.
15:07They applauded because you split your pants.
15:13Oh, Fletcher, I had a wonderful time.
15:17Me, too.
15:18Good night.
15:19Good night.
15:20Good night.
15:37Oh, hi.
15:39Hi.
15:40I'm Carl Winslow.
15:42Who the hell are you?
15:44I'm Fletcher Thomas.
15:46You must be Estelle's son.
15:47She told me awful lot about you.
15:50Oh, really?
15:51That's funny.
15:52She hasn't mentioned a thing about you.
15:54By the way, I'm a cop.
15:59That's nice.
16:00Well, good night again, Estelle.
16:03Good night, Fletcher.
16:04And thanks again for a wonderful, lovely evening.
16:08The pleasure was all mine.
16:17Pleasure?
16:17What pleasure?
16:18Don't start with me, Carl.
16:22Mama, you were kissing that man.
16:24So?
16:26Well, you're my mother.
16:28Moms aren't supposed to do that stuff.
16:30If mothers didn't do that stuff, you wouldn't be here.
16:36But, but...
16:39I think I'm getting a headache.
16:43Carl, honey.
16:46Fletcher's a good man.
16:47He enjoys my company, and I enjoy his.
16:52That's good, Mama.
16:53Really good.
16:54I'm happy for you.
16:56Bless you.
16:57You're a sweetheart.
17:00Fletcher Thomas.
17:01You sure that's his real name?
17:04Yes.
17:05I'll run a make on him.
17:15Hello, Laura.
17:17Hello, Greg.
17:18You okay?
17:20No.
17:21It really blubs me that Steve is the only guy with enough guts to stand up to Lily.
17:28Yeah.
17:28Here we go.
17:32Yeah.
18:00Rachel, did Steve like the robe we made him?
18:02Oh, yes, he was really touched. After the fight, he wants to be buried in it.
18:09Ladies and gentlemen, what we got here is a three-round grudge match.
18:15In this corner, weighing in at 142 pounds, Hurricane Willie Fuffner.
18:26And in this corner, at 97 pounds, soaking wet.
18:33Steve, the Iron Man Archive!
18:44All right, gentlemen, you hear the bell, you come to the center of the ring,
18:48you touch gloves, you commence fighting.
18:55Steve, he lasted longer than I thought.
18:57What?
18:58Steve! Steve!
19:00I'm out, Paul, I'm busy.
19:02Listen, stay away from him. Try the Yurkel shuffle.
19:05Right.
19:11Come on, Amy.
19:15Come on, Amy.
19:26Oh, oh.
19:29Yeah, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
19:52Steve I think we should throw in the towel. No way Carl if I can just hit him once with
19:57all my might
19:58Why I'll drop him like a bad head
20:01Come on
20:22One
20:22Steve
20:23Two
20:24Laura
20:26Oh there's three of you
20:29Oh the world doesn't deserve such riches
20:32Steve stop getting back up, stay down
20:35Don't worry my little
20:38We'll talk later
20:41One
20:44Steve stay down
20:46Stay down
20:47What'd you say?
20:49She said stay down
20:56Oh
20:57All right
20:57Fucker
20:59Quit stalling
21:00Where are you?
21:01Huh?
21:02I'll take that
21:04And a little left too
21:08Hold it
21:09Willy I'm tired of you pushing us around
21:11If Urkel can stand up to you so can I
21:13So after you finish him you're gonna have to fight me
21:19After?
21:20And then me
21:21And then me
21:23And then me
21:24Come on I can take you all on
21:30What you gonna do now Willy?
21:35Run
21:37Me too Willy
21:40Ladies and gentlemen
21:41Ladies and gentlemen
21:42Thanks all
21:49Steve are you okay?
21:52I seem to be alright
21:54I don't seem to be hallucinating
21:56Or experiencing any other signs of a concussion
22:01Hey Laura
22:02Hey Laura
22:03If you still want me to go to the dance with you I'd like to
22:06Thanks Greg but I've decided to go with my champion
22:10Steve will you go with me to the Sadie Hawkins day dance?
22:14Oh no I was wrong
22:16I am hallucinating
22:19Ladies and gentlemen
22:20The winner by a principal
22:22Steve
22:23Iron Man
22:24Erko
22:26We are supposed to meet you
22:28There he is
22:51No
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