00:07Hi mom. Hi honey. So how was the bridge game? I dropped a bundle. Mabel and Clara cheated
00:16again. I just know they're sending signals with their dentures. Well then why do you
00:26keep playing with them? All my honest friends are dead. Well Ma, that's terrible. You telling me?
00:35They all owed me money. And speaking of death and money, how'd you like to buy
00:43some insurance? Excuse me? Well Mabel's son Reuben, he started selling insurance. I
00:50think you should buy some. Forget it Ma. The last thing I need is more insurance.
01:04are you okay
01:08mom yes call call reuben
01:23it's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper page
01:30love and tradition of the grand design some people say it's even harder to find
01:37well then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls
01:44cause all i see is a tower of dreams real love bursting out of every scene
01:52as things go by we're gonna fill our house with happiness
02:00the moon may dry but we'll smother the blues with tenderness
02:07as things go by there's room for you and room for me for gentle hearts and opportunity
02:17as things go by it's the bigger love of the family
02:37judy you've been stalling for over an hour go to bed
02:41shoot
02:44i was this close to arsenio
02:50i thought she'd never leave
02:53you guys got a minute
02:56gee it's a whole five seconds alone
02:59that's all it took to get judy
03:04mom dad my life is over
03:07what's wrong honey
03:08science class i'm in big trouble
03:11i may get a bee
03:14i got a bee once i framed it
03:18dad this is serious i can't afford to get a bee on my permanent record
03:22from now on no parties and no tv
03:28in fact i'm grounded
03:30laura don't argue someday i'll thank myself for this
03:37gee i hope we weren't too hard on them
03:49class try to focus your vacant stairs in my general direction
03:56today we'll be visiting the wonderful world of crustaceans
04:04oh dear i left my crabs in the car
04:08while i'm gone start thinking about your upcoming science project
04:12which will count for 50 of your final grade
04:17you will all partner off
04:18and the best project will be entered in the city science fair
04:29can we pick any field of scientific endeavor
04:32sure
04:33it's wide open
04:35all right
04:37310 for mr naggy
04:39hip hip
04:45bless you steven
04:46fortunate indeed is the student who gets to be your partner
04:55hey steve
04:56buddy
04:56partner
04:58what are you bringing to my party this saturday
05:00oh gee i didn't know i was invited
05:02he can't go
05:03he has a date with me
05:04i do
05:07perk man
05:08partner up with me
05:10and i'll introduce you to every cheerleader in this town
05:20boy some people will do anything to get a good grade
05:22yeah
05:24you think urkel can use a new pocket protector
05:44hello my heavenly hostess
05:47why didn't you just barge in like you usually do
05:49well since this is the first time you actually invited me
05:52i thought i'd ring the doorbell
05:54come on in
05:59that's quite an outfit steve
06:02even for you
06:06thanks
06:06my entire ensemble is comprised of gifts from desperate classmates
06:10all the way down to my enrico fermi odor eaters
06:15what a thoughtful gift
06:17so
06:18what's on your mind my little petri dish
06:25well i was hoping we could be partners on the science project
06:28oh you were were you
06:32well well well
06:34my my my
06:36gee gee gee
06:39forget it go home
06:40no no no
06:42i'm not saying that i won't be your partner
06:44then what are you saying
06:46i'm saying that i'm in demand
06:49in other words i'm in the driver's seat and you're the hitchhiker
06:54make me pull over
07:07if you choose me to be your partner our relationship might change
07:11i'm getting the break
07:16we'd have to spend a lot of time alone together
07:18oh i'm pulling onto the shoulder
07:25every day and even some nights
07:32oh i'm opening the passenger door
07:38and if we get an a we can celebrate by going to a movie
07:41oh hop in baby
07:45so we're partners
07:46for life
07:47let's just start with the science project
07:50it's got to be a killer a guaranteed a
07:53no sweat my pet
07:54i'll just get busy in my basement lab
07:57but in the meantime i'll just make like an adam and split
08:13i'll return that to you at the movies
08:18yes
08:21laura
08:23you're going to the movies with steve
08:25well i wanted him to be my science partner
08:28i had to promise him something
08:29oh now wait a minute
08:32laura
08:33don't you think you're sort of
08:35using him
08:37no
08:38steve gets to spend time with me
08:39and i get an a in science it's a fair exchange
08:43honey it's not fair
08:45you know you're leading him on and steve has real feelings for you
08:50they're weird urkel feelings
08:54but they're real
08:55oh rachel nobody's gonna get hurt
08:58i hope not laura
09:01but i'm warning you
09:02this thing could blow up in your face
09:30who is it
09:33it's me laura
09:36oh my goodness gotta hide my unmentionables
09:40oh my goodness gotta hide my unmentionables
09:50oh my goodness gotta hide my unmentionables
10:12Welcome, my sweet.
10:14At last, you're here in my inner sanctum.
10:18Allow me to give you the grand tour.
10:27Books.
10:28500 different species.
10:30All caught in hand-mounted by yours truly.
10:34This is Tom.
10:36This is Rufus.
10:36That's Benny.
10:37Steve, Steve, you can introduce us later.
10:40Just show me the project.
10:42Okay.
10:43Right this way, right this way.
10:46Now fasten your seatbelt,
10:48because this baby's going to blow your bloomers off.
10:55Wow, this is great.
10:58What is it?
11:00You're looking at a 50-megaton thermonuclear device.
11:05You mean...
11:06That's right, baby.
11:08Your very own atom bomb.
11:28I knew you'd be thrilled.
11:30This is just a model ride.
11:31It can't explode or anything.
11:32Why, of course it can.
11:34I loved you too much to bill you a dud.
11:38But, but where'd you get that radioactive stuff?
11:40I just called my uncle at the Pentagon.
11:43Colonel Dirk Urkel.
11:46There's an Urkel in our defense department?
11:51Uncle Dirk sent me some uranium scraps.
11:53COD.
11:55Steve, isn't this against the law?
11:57Oh, sure.
11:59Possession of a deadly radioactive substance is a federal offense, punishable by life in prison.
12:04But hey, no guts at all glory.
12:09Steve, I can't go to jail.
12:11Don't you know what they do to cops' kids in jail?
12:12You aren't there.
12:13You can't do anything.
12:14Easy.
12:15Easy.
12:16Easy.
12:17Easy.
12:18The code is rented.
12:22Well, you said you wanted a killer project.
12:25A guaranteed A.
12:26So I built you an A-bomb.
12:28Get it?
12:31But what if it goes off?
12:34Impossible, my cautious cutie.
12:36The detonator is computerized.
12:38And voice activated.
12:39So it can only go off by saying one very special word.
12:47Buttercup?
12:49The computer will only recognize my voice pattern.
12:52Now don't worry your pretty little head.
12:55Just polish our bomb and make it look nice for the judges.
13:05Sweets for the sweet?
13:07Perhaps a jujubee or a chocolate kiss?
13:11No thank you.
13:13Not even a peanut butter cup?
13:26Uh-oh.
13:28You have activated your new nuclear device.
13:30Ten minutes until a really big boom.
13:34Boom!
13:36Steve, stop kidding around.
13:38This isn't funny.
13:39Well, you're telling me.
13:41Turn it off!
13:42I can't.
13:43It's equipped with a fail-safe device.
13:45Once the program has been activated, it can't be stopped.
13:48You got that right, bu-b-bub.
13:57Ouch!
13:58Why, I ought to vaporize you right now.
14:02We have to do something.
14:10Oh, now that's just plain pathetic.
14:16Don't panic, my love.
14:18If I remember correctly, the safest place to be during a nuclear explosion is in a reinforced basement.
14:25Not when the bomb is in the basement with you.
14:28Good point.
14:29Panic!
14:33Seven minutes left.
14:35You're about to be exposed to three-b-b-billion rads of deadly radiation.
14:39But look on the bright side.
14:40Soon you'll be your own nightlife.
14:46Where are you going, Highness Learness?
14:48I have to warn my family.
14:50Besides, yours is not the last face I want to see.
14:58Let's talk homeowner's insurance.
15:00Your home is a big investment and it needs big protection.
15:07Ruben, we're already covered for fire, flood, locusts, mosquitoes.
15:11How about tornadoes?
15:19Mom, Dad, Urkel built an atom bomb and it's about to go off.
15:23Carl, I'm worried about Laura.
15:26She's obviously been studying too hard.
15:28Yeah, she snapped.
15:30I haven't snapped.
15:32Urkel really did build an atomic bomb and it is about to go off.
15:35That doesn't sound like our Steve.
15:39Well, actually, it was my fault.
15:41I put him up to it.
15:47Do you see what your daughter has done?
15:50Oh, sure.
15:51She makes the honor roll.
15:52She's your daughter.
15:53She blows up the world.
15:54She's my daughter.
15:57Laura, there is absolutely no excuse for your behavior.
15:59You are grounded for, when is the bomb going off?
16:03Five minutes.
16:04For five minutes.
16:07Now go to your room and stay there until you're blown out of it.
16:12You guys, we're gonna die.
16:15Well, that's life.
16:16That's what people say.
16:19Night, night, April.
16:20Blown up in May.
16:21But we're not gonna let it get us down.
16:26Cause this final world keeps spinning round.
16:31I've been a puppet.
16:33A puppet.
16:34A poet.
16:35A final king.
16:37I've been a woman that died in the world right out.
16:41And I know her name.
16:43Each time I'm by myself.
16:46Flying on my face.
16:48I just picked myself up and get back in the race.
16:56That's life.
16:58That's life.
16:59Believe it.
17:00That's life.
17:02I will be the same.
17:049-1-1.
17:06I'll call 9-1-1.
17:18Do you mind?
17:20Eddie, hang up.
17:21Forget it, Laura.
17:22I'm on the phone with Jolene.
17:24She thinks I'm cuter than Fresh Prince.
17:28I need the phone.
17:29It's an emergency.
17:30So is this.
17:31I don't have a date yet for Saturday night.
17:33There won't be a Saturday night if you don't give me that phone.
17:36Get me off of me.
17:38Let me go.
17:39Go.
17:40No way.
17:44Eddie.
17:56Hello, Laura.
17:59I'm Rachel.
18:01So, you used Steve and now he's gonna blow us all up.
18:06But how can you be an angel?
18:07The bomb hasn't even gone off yet.
18:09Oh, Laura.
18:11Why wait till the last minute?
18:14Besides, I want to look my best for St. Peter.
18:18Oh, Rachel, you were right.
18:19You said if I used Steve, it would blow up in my face.
18:22Can you ever forgive me?
18:24Well, sure I can, but I'm not so sure about St. Peter.
18:28After all, destroying Chicago won't look good on your permanent record.
18:39I'm so sorry.
18:42I'm so sorry.
18:43Five, four, three, two, one.
18:54Did I do this?
19:02I'm so sorry.
19:04I'm so sorry.
19:06I'm so sorry.
19:09I'm so sorry.
19:13I'm sorry.
19:16Sorry.
19:17Sorry.
19:34I'm alive!
19:35You're alive!
19:37Well, come here, Laura.
19:39You're just having a nightmare.
19:42I was terrible.
19:44You built an atom bomb for our science project.
19:47Mr. Nagy was selling insurance.
19:49My parents were singing off key.
19:53But then we blew up Chicago.
19:55Well, gee, Laura, I never built an atom bomb.
19:58Although I could.
20:04Steve, sit down.
20:10Look, I owe you an apology.
20:12The only reason I asked you to be my partner was because I was worried about my grade.
20:16When I said my feelings for you might change, I was lying.
20:19And I'm sorry.
20:23So you used me!
20:28You trifled with my emotions!
20:30I offered you my heart and you stumped that sucker flat!
20:39Yes.
20:41No, Biggie.
20:44What?
20:46Well, you fessed up.
20:47That's what counts.
20:48Your honesty only makes me love you more.
20:52So, will you still be my partner?
20:54Hey, you bet, my pet!
20:57Thanks, Steve.
21:01Hold it.
21:03A few minutes ago, was it just by imagination, or did you actually hug me?
21:08I hugged you.
21:09Just checking.
21:23Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the world's greatest science project, the Laura.
21:36The Laura has a perfectly calibrated solid fuel-to-mass ratio.
21:40Why, this baby can make it to the moon and back.
21:43Well, hop on and take off.
21:44You could be the first Urkel in space.
21:48Yeah, make it fly.
21:49Nope.
21:50No rocket launching in the house.
21:52Not to worry, Winslows.
21:54The Laura can only be launched by punching in a complicated series of commands into the remote control.
22:02Oops.
22:17Gee, what a beautiful day.
22:24Uh, come here, Steve.
22:26Uh-uh.
22:26Come here.
22:27Uh-uh.
22:28Come here.
22:29Come here, Steve.
22:30Come here, Steve.
22:30Come here, Steve.
22:31Come here, Steve.
22:34Come here, Steve.
22:36Uh-uh.
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