00:05Eddie, have you seen Steve?
00:07Nope.
00:08He's been driving me nuts.
00:11Every afternoon he asks me if he can walk me to work.
00:14What you need is an Urko repellent.
00:18Yeah, well, I'm going to fool him today.
00:21I'm leaving an hour early.
00:27Hi, Angel Lips.
00:30Do you want me to walk you to work?
00:43It's no trouble at all, my little babushka.
00:48I give up.
01:02It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page.
01:09Love and tradition of the grand design.
01:12Some people say it's even harder to find.
01:17Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.
01:24It's all I see is a tower of dreams.
01:28It's real love bursting at every scene.
01:32As days go by, we're going to fill our house with happiness.
01:40Who may cry, but we'll smother the blues with deadliness.
01:47As days go by, there's room for you, room for me.
01:54A gentle heart's an opportunity.
01:58As days go by, it's the bigger love of the family.
02:22Thanks, Mom.
02:23Hey, look.
02:24Richie's checking out the stock market.
02:27You got any hot tips, sweetie?
02:29Toys.
02:30You want us to buy a toy stop?
02:32No, just toys.
02:38Harriet.
02:40Uh-oh.
02:46Oh, great.
02:56It's dance contest time again.
02:59My favorite time of year.
03:01Mine, too.
03:03Oh, please, not in front of the children.
03:09Dad, do we have to sell tickets this year?
03:11No, sweetheart, you don't have to.
03:14Yes.
03:15You get to.
03:20Oh, come on, kids, perk up.
03:23I mean, after all, the dance contest is for a good cause.
03:26We raise a lot of money for the Policeman's Memorial Foundation.
03:30Dad, can I be honest about going to the dance contest?
03:33Sure.
03:34I'd rather do a swan dive on a cactus.
03:38Why?
03:38Well, it's real depressing watching people your age do the Lombada.
03:45I may not be there.
03:52You do help.
03:54Bye.
03:54Bye.
03:56Bye.
04:05Bye.
04:10Bye.
04:13Have a nice day.
04:17Well, I took that jacket down a peg or two.
04:23Well, why don't you come on upstairs with me?
04:25I got a sweater that's been giving me trouble.
04:28Harriet, make note.
04:31Charlie Carnelli is not welcome in this house.
04:34Fuck.
04:35Who's Charlie Carnelli?
04:37The biggest jerk down at the precinct.
04:38A jackass with a badge.
04:41I thought that was your captain.
04:45Sit down.
04:47Relax.
04:48Tell me what happened.
04:49Two weeks ago, this turkey transfers in from the south side.
04:53I could tell he was a goober from the get-go.
04:57And how does this goober get you?
05:00Everything's a competition with Charlie.
05:02Who's got the best score down at the shooting range?
05:04Who gets the most collars?
05:06Who can burp the longest?
05:09I bet you won that one.
05:12Well, of course, but that's not the point.
05:15Today, Charlie starts shooting off his mouth about how he's going to win the dance contest.
05:19He starts telling everybody that he's the world's greatest dancer.
05:23Now, that kind of bragging is childish, stupid, and petty.
05:27Carl, you are absolutely right.
05:29So I told him we're going to wipe up the floor with him.
05:33Carl!
05:35Rachel!
05:39Is Rachel here?
05:43No.
05:43She's at work.
05:44But I'm sure she heard you.
05:47Well, I'm going to ask her to come up with a killer routine just for us.
05:51Carl, I thought you said we were entering this contest for the fun of it.
05:54Yeah, well, fun just went out the window.
05:56This is war.
05:58A fight to the finish.
05:59The Cornelis and the Winslows are going to rumba.
06:02The Cornelis and the Winslows are going to rumba.
06:05She's going to be the best of the
06:16Thank you, Ware.
06:17Good bye.
06:18Come on!
06:18You did it公.
06:21That was fine.
06:23Whoo!
06:24Come on!
06:24That is it.
06:30Yay.
06:31Come on.
06:32Woo, come on.
06:33Ha ha ha.
06:34Woo,��.
06:39Oh!
06:43Oh!
06:47Oh!
06:48Oh!
06:50Oh!
06:51Oh!
06:53Oh!
06:53Oh!
06:53Oh!
06:54You guys are great!
06:55Mom, you can't lose.
06:57Thanks, but let's hear from my partner, Carl the dancer.
07:01Oh, wow!
07:01Oh, wow!
07:02Thank you!
07:04Thank you!
07:08What happened?
07:09My back.
07:10It just went out.
07:11And pain came in.
07:17Daddy, are you okay?
07:18Oh, Daddy's fine, sweetheart.
07:20He's just fine.
07:24Carl, Carl, maybe it'll help if I rub your back some.
07:26Maybe it will.
07:30Maybe it won't.
07:32Carl, is there anything I can get for you?
07:35My gun!
07:38That's it.
07:38I'm calling Dr. Van Lowe.
07:41Oh!
07:42Dad, can you straighten up at all?
07:43No, no.
07:44But that's okay.
07:45I mean, there are plenty of advantages to being bent over like this, sweetheart.
07:50Harriet?
07:51Yes?
07:51I need new shoes.
07:55Well, Carl, that's it for the dance contest.
07:57What?
07:57No!
07:58Ow!
07:58Wait!
07:59Ow!
08:03Here, Dad.
08:05Sit down.
08:05Oh, okay.
08:06Take the load off.
08:07All right.
08:07Easy.
08:07Easy.
08:07Easy now.
08:08Oh, okay.
08:09Oh, okay.
08:11All right.
08:12Just give me.
08:12Okay, give me.
08:13Oh, oh.
08:14Oh, thank you, son.
08:15I love you!
08:19Carl, if you try to dance with a wrench back, you're gonna injure yourself permanently.
08:22Harriet, I can't drop out of the dance contest now.
08:25I will not give Carmine the satisfaction.
08:28Real smart, Carl.
08:30And then after the contest, you can just spend the rest of your life looking like a pretzel.
08:35Carl, Dr. Van Lowe says he can see you in an hour, and he said, don't worry.
08:39He's got a treatment.
08:40You see, Harriet, he'll get me back in shape and I'll be just fine.
08:44Okay, kids.
08:45Come on.
08:46I need help.
08:47Oh, oh, oh, oh.
08:49And we gotta hurry.
08:50What's the rush?
08:52We don't have to be to the doctor's for an hour.
08:54That's how long it'll take me to get to the car.
09:17Dad, Laura and I are going to the mall.
09:18We need some money.
09:26How much money do you need?
09:28Twenty bucks, you cover it.
09:30My wallet is in my right front pocket.
09:36Say, Dad, I can clean you out and there's really nothing you can do about it.
09:43Yeah, but eventually I'll get out of this thing and I'll have to hunt you down.
09:49Right.
09:51You kids go and have a good time.
09:53Want us to hang you out on the porch so you can get some sun?
09:57Just go.
09:59Just go.
10:05Oh, finally.
10:08Peace.
10:12Then they will do it.
10:13Maybe I'll get out of the door.
10:13Anybody go?
10:14Let go of the door.
10:16Let go of the door.
10:17Whoa.
10:20Whoa.
10:21Oh, my God.
10:23Oh, my God.
10:24Oh, my God.
10:25Oh, my God.
10:25Oh, my God.
10:27Oh, my God.
10:28Oh, my God.
10:36Thank you very much, Steve, but my plight's been eased.
10:40Dr. Van Lowe said I'll be fine by the dance contest.
10:42He says I have to hang in this thing for ten days, four hours a shot.
10:46That's much too much time to spend by yourself, so I'm gonna keep you company.
10:51What?
10:52Yep, I'm your bus ticket out of Lonesome Town.
10:57That's very thoughtful, Steve, but please...
10:59I'm gonna be with you every single second you're in that thing.
11:02Oh, oh, Harriet!
11:06Encyclopedia Britannica, A.
11:11Anybody?
11:28You know what, Carl?
11:31The Carnellis are good.
11:33Yeah, I gotta give an obnoxious jerk credit.
11:53Steve, you like this kind of music?
11:55Uh, not really.
11:57Maybe there's hope for you yet?
11:59I'm more of a polka kind of guy.
12:27I'm more of a polka kind of guy.
12:41Paul?
12:44Charlie?
12:45My wife, Harriet.
12:48Nice to meet you.
12:49Hi.
12:50My wife, Ellen.
12:55My wife's prettier.
12:57In your dreams.
13:01Folks, before we get to our next contestants, let's just take a moment to acknowledge the person who sold the
13:10most tickets for tonight's contest.
13:13How about a big hand for Richie Crawford?
13:16Richie Crawford?
13:19Yeah!
13:25Woo-hoo!
13:28Woo-hoo!
13:29Woo-hoo!
13:30Woo-hoo!
13:31Woo-hoo!
13:32Woo-hoo!
13:37Hey, it might not be too long before that young man is in the contest.
13:44Maura, how did Richie sell 137 tickets?
13:48Well, I put his arm in his sling and stood him outside the Piggly Wiggly.
13:51He sold out in less than an hour.
13:54Maura, you have no shame.
13:57I love that in a woman.
14:02How's your back?
14:04Terrific.
14:05Remember, Dr. Van Lowe said to go easy.
14:08Don't go overboard.
14:09Harriet, I'm fine.
14:10So, Gregory Hines, look out.
14:15Okay, it is time for our next contestants.
14:18Now, let's put your hands together for Harriet Winslow and her lovely husband, Cuck.
14:35Now, look, you two don't worry about a thing.
14:37You got this puppy locked up.
14:39Say, you're very pretty.
14:41Well, thank you.
14:42Now, get off my stage.
14:49You ready?
14:50Let's go for it, handsome.
14:52Let's go for it, handsome.
17:01It's a real pleasure to see such talent from the police commissioner's kids, huh?
17:09Uh-oh.
17:10Okay, the results.
17:15Oh boy, this is the moment we've all been waiting for.
17:19The winning couple of the 8th Precinct's annual dance contest is...
17:25Charlie and Ellen Carnelli!
17:28Yes!
17:29Yes!
17:30Yes!
17:32Yes!
17:33Carl and Harriet Winslow!
17:35We have a tie!
17:45Now, there will be a dance-off to determine the winner.
17:49And the judges have decided that the dance will be the...
17:52Uh-oh!
17:53Jitterbug!
17:53So let us just give it up for our finalists, huh?
17:57And you people, just please, take a bow, huh?
18:00Uh-oh!
18:30Come on!
18:30We've got to beat the Cornelis.
18:32We're just a jitterbug away from victory.
18:34Carl, this competition thing is driving you crazy.
18:37You're in pain.
18:38When are you going to give it up?
18:39Never.
18:40Carl Winslow dances to the death.
18:44Attaboy, Carl.
18:46Ow, Steve, ow.
18:47It hurts.
18:48Oh, Carl.
18:54You got a little back problem here?
18:57Oh, no, Charlie.
18:58I was just admiring my shoes.
19:01Yeah, look, real leather.
19:03Oh, well, I'm glad to see you're okay.
19:04For a second there, I thought maybe you were going to try to chicken out.
19:10Charlie?
19:11Oh, Charlie, are you okay?
19:14Oh, oh, oh, it's my ankle.
19:16It's fine.
19:17It's fine.
19:18It's a strong ankle.
19:19Real fine.
19:21Okay.
19:23Folks, it is time for the dramatic dance-off.
19:26Now, dancers, to the floor, please.
19:29And here they come.
19:30Here they come.
19:32The dance of champions.
19:34The champions.
19:40Are we ready?
19:42Okay, boys.
19:43Hit it!
20:05Oh, hey, Alan, Alan, what are you doing?
20:07Charlie, you're hurt.
20:08We got to stop.
20:09Uh, excuse me?
20:10What's going on here?
20:11Well, we can't dance anymore.
20:13My husband sprained his ankle.
20:14Oh, I'm sorry.
20:16You lose.
20:17What?
20:18Folks, the winners of this year's dance contest.
20:21Can I say something, please?
20:26Uh, you know, this competition thing has gotten way out of hand.
20:31You know, I'm hurt.
20:33Charlie's hurt.
20:34We both want to win so bad that we're not having any fun.
20:38Right, Charlie?
20:40Right, Carl.
20:40Well, so I think it's only fair that we, we, we declare this a tie.
20:45I think we both deserve to win.
20:49Yeah, I'll take it.
20:52Hey, now there is a noble gesture.
20:57Isn't that great, folks?
20:58Isn't that great?
20:59Isn't that great?
21:00Oh, wow.
21:05Unfortunately, it's against the rules, so hey, you both lose by default.
21:09Okay, thank you very much.
21:10And let's hear it for the winners.
21:12The Commissioner's Kid!
21:25And now let's turn the evening over to our young people and their music.
21:29They are this country's future, so let's just grin and bear it, huh?
21:34Young people.
21:35You can't touch this.
21:36Join me.
21:37Come.
21:38You can't touch this.
21:39You can't touch this.
21:41You can't touch this.
21:44You can't touch this.
21:50So far, it makes me say, oh, my Lord.
21:57Carl.
21:58Huh?
21:58I'm proud of you.
22:00Really?
22:01Yeah.
22:02You had Charlie beat.
22:04They would have given us the trophy, but instead you showed what a good sport you could be.
22:09Well, thanks, babe.
22:11Come on, Mr. Bojangles.
22:13Let's go home.
22:14I'm going to fix you a big banana split and then hang you up on the door.
22:22You really know how to treat a guy.
22:24I'm going to get the body.
22:25I'm going to give him a big banana split.
22:26Come on.
22:27Come on.
22:28Come on.
22:28Come on.
22:28Come on.
22:29Like that.
22:30Like that.
22:31Come on with him.
22:32Let him know.
22:35Come on.
22:37Come on.
22:46Come on.
22:52Come on.
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