- 17 hours ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:06everybody that's enough we're going to church come on all right okay here turn that off
00:23how come daddy never asked to go to church why don't you ask daddy
00:29all right that's the work honey
00:33see he's eating his business lunch
00:38i am working there's a big game on today i thought it didn't start until one
00:44okay yeah but there's a pre-game
00:49look i don't tell you how to do your job right
00:54all right everybody let's go church time chop chop
01:06you usually hide upstairs until we leave
01:11a little more brazen than your blasphemy
01:17don't tell him how to do his job come on let's go hey what i don't know why god put
01:22church and
01:23football at the same time as a matter of fact bring that up today
01:41unwashed unshaven scratching himself all my love all my my caring i poured my heart into this boy
01:53this is my one regret as a parent
02:02i'm the one going to church
02:04i'm the one going to church
02:08i'm the one going to church
02:13what did you do for yourself
02:19they're coming
02:20I'm the one going to church
02:23i'm the one going to church
02:39All people is rickering, all people...
03:03Hey, Ray.
03:04Hey, Deborah, look. Look at this.
03:07What?
03:08You're in jail.
03:12Going on ten years now.
03:19Honey, show Daddy your picture.
03:23Oh, did you draw this? That's beautiful.
03:26You're quite the little artist.
03:27Yeah, tell Daddy what it is.
03:28No, no, no, let me guess.
03:30Uh, that's a big orange wall.
03:34It's fire.
03:35Fire. Yes, of course it's fire.
03:37It's a big, it's a big wall of fire and that must be the fireman.
03:41Actually, Allie told me it's a picture of hell.
03:49You, you, you, you mean heck, right?
03:53Right, Allie?
03:55So, is that the devil?
03:58Nope.
03:59Nope, it's you.
04:03Me? I'm, I'm, I'm, why am I in heck, sweetie?
04:09Because that's what Grandpa said.
04:13Grandpa said that?
04:14What, Grandpa told you that I'm going to heck?
04:16He said hell.
04:18He said hell.
04:20Really?
04:21Really?
04:22Why did Grandpa say that?
04:23Because you don't go to church.
04:26Grandpa said that.
04:29Where were you?
04:31I was in church.
04:36Okay, I'm gonna, uh, gonna go across the street because, uh, if I'm going to go to heck, I'm taking
04:43him with me.
04:43I was in church.
05:03Marie?
05:04Go ahead, Frank.
05:10She is good for something.
05:14Mmm.
05:15Mmm.
05:18All right, Dad.
05:19Why did you tell Allie that I...
05:20You want some cake?
05:21No.
05:22Good.
05:24See this picture, Dad?
05:26It's a picture of me in hell.
05:27My seven-year-old daughter drew it because her Grandpa told her that's where her father's going.
05:32To hell.
05:33What kind of a mind does that?
05:35Mmm.
05:36This cake almost makes marriage bearable.
05:40Hey!
05:41Well, why'd you tell her that?
05:43Yes.
05:43I never told her you were going there.
05:46She asked me what happens to people who don't go to church.
05:49I said they go to hell, sweetie.
05:52She must have put two and two together.
05:56Smart kid.
06:00Go, go over there right now and tell her that I'm not going to hell.
06:03You know, I would love to, but I don't make the rules.
06:10Oh, you know what?
06:11Whipped cream.
06:13Hey, you really think that I'm going to hell?
06:15I try not to think about it.
06:17Look, I don't care what you think, all right?
06:19I don't want you talking to my kids about this stuff anymore.
06:21Got that?
06:23Since when do you give me orders?
06:24Since you crossed over the line.
06:27Hi, Raymond.
06:28You hungry?
06:28Have some cake.
06:29I don't want any cake.
06:31We have whipped cream.
06:34How about this, Marie?
06:35Your son doesn't want me talking to my own grandchildren.
06:39Oh?
06:39That isn't what I said.
06:40I'll talk to anyone I want, anytime I want.
06:43Unfortunately, Raymond, this is America.
06:46Mom, I don't want him telling Ali.
06:48What are you doing?
06:50Are you talking to my wife?
06:51What?
06:53Don't talk to my wife.
06:55All right.
06:56All right, Dad.
06:56Don't be kidding.
06:57Hey, hey, hey, hey.
06:58You want to be like that?
06:59You don't talk to her.
07:00Only I talk to her.
07:03Hello, sweetheart.
07:04How are you?
07:06What?
07:06Oh, I'm fine.
07:08You know, I had a thing that...
07:09Oh, stop it, Mom.
07:10He doesn't care how you are.
07:12Hey!
07:14You're talking to her.
07:16Stop talking to her.
07:17No, it's all right, Frank.
07:18He can talk to me.
07:20Unless you want to talk to me some more.
07:22I liked it.
07:25I was just making a point.
07:31Dad told Ali that I am going to hell.
07:34Frank.
07:36He never goes to mass, Marie.
07:38It's an open-and-shut case.
07:40You see? You see, Bob?
07:40Well, you should go to mass, Raymond.
07:42I don't want to go.
07:45Why do you hurt me?
07:50Look, I don't mean to hurt you, Mom.
07:52Stop hurting your mother.
07:53Go to church.
07:54No!
07:57Look what you're doing to her.
07:59Go to church.
08:00No, no.
08:00I don't feel like it.
08:02I don't feel like it.
08:03That's the problem with you kids today.
08:05Everything has to feel good.
08:07Do you think World War II felt good?
08:09You think Korea felt good?
08:11In my day, nothing felt good.
08:14Why don't you go back to your day and stop ruining mine?
08:18Five years of Catholic school down the toilet.
08:21Go to church!
08:22Frank, we can't just scream at someone to go to church.
08:26Well, 40 years of your guilt hasn't worked.
08:29I need more time.
08:32Look, all I'm saying is, from now on, if Ali asks you something about religious stuff,
08:37or government, or minorities, please refer her to me.
08:41How do you think I feel?
08:43It's embarrassing.
08:44I'm in church.
08:45People are saying, how come Ray's never here?
08:48Didn't you raise him right?
08:49They say that?
08:50Shut up.
08:53Look, I'm not going just to make you look good.
08:56Go to church!
08:57No!
08:59Then now are doomed to suffer the fires of eternal damnation.
09:12See now, I would never scream at you like that, Raymond.
09:15Because I know that your failures are my fault.
09:39That's right.
09:40The whole thing.
09:42You married a man.
09:4724 grams of fat.
09:50Yeah, but don't worry.
09:52I'll be burning it off in hell.
09:57Okay, I'm going to...
10:02You know, I kind of understand how your father feels.
10:07Okay, goodnight.
10:09No, Ray, wait, wait, wait.
10:13You still consider yourself Catholic?
10:16What are you talking about?
10:18Yeah, I'm Catholic.
10:19You can't change that.
10:20It's like being Italian.
10:23Or...
10:24sexy.
10:31So why don't you go to mass?
10:34I...
10:34Come on, look.
10:35It's not like I never go.
10:36Right?
10:36And you go all the time.
10:38And according to this married thing, we are one.
10:45Okay.
10:45Now, you know, I'm not trying to make a big thing.
10:47I was just thinking about you and your father and, you know, why you got so angry about it.
10:51Because it's none of his business.
10:53Why don't you go to church?
10:55I don't know.
10:56I...
10:57It's...
10:58It's because of the kneeling, really.
10:59It's just...
11:00You know I have bad knees.
11:04You know, God can hear you right now.
11:08Let me finish.
11:11All right?
11:14That's not the only reason.
11:16That's...
11:17It's one of only...
11:18All right, listen.
11:20When I go...
11:21When I go there, I should be thinking about God, right?
11:24But instead, I'm thinking about some column I'm working on.
11:28What's up with this guy's scalp?
11:30Oh.
11:31Oh, that lady sneezed.
11:32I'm not shaking her hand.
11:35I'm not focused.
11:36I feel like I'm just going through the motions.
11:38And that's...
11:39That's not respectful, right?
11:42Yeah, you're right.
11:43I mean, you shouldn't go if you're just going through the motions.
11:47What are you doing?
11:50What?
11:50I'm agreeing with you.
11:52No, you're trying to make me feel guilty.
11:54No, I'm not.
11:55Just like my mother.
11:57Why do you have to insult me?
12:02We're talking.
12:04And besides, you're the one that had to eat a whole pint of ice cream.
12:08If you're feeling guilty, it's not because of me.
12:12Let me tell you something.
12:14I practice being a good person every day, okay?
12:18I'm a decent fellow.
12:20I...
12:21I do good things.
12:23I always leave a big tip.
12:25If a squirrel runs in front of the car, do I not swerve?
12:30I'm considerate of people's feelings.
12:33Remember the plumber who came over with the big eye?
12:36I treated him like a completely normal person.
12:40Okay?
12:41So, so, so...
12:42Why do I have to go to church every Sunday to prove my goodness?
12:45I'm living it.
12:49Well, you know, since you are so good during the week,
12:53maybe on Sundays we should have everybody come over here and sit around you.
12:58Who?
13:02Okay.
13:03All right.
13:04Why, why do you go, Miss Holy...
13:07Moly?
13:10Why do I go?
13:11Yeah.
13:12I go, you know, to thank God for you and the kids.
13:18And to pray for the strength to get through another week with you and the kids.
13:22Okay. Yeah.
13:23No, but, no, really, you know, I go to get re-energized.
13:27To be part of something that's bigger than me and my little problems.
13:32You know, it reminds me that I'm not the be-all and end-all
13:35or something out there that's greater than me.
13:40Well, why do you have to have an answer for everything?
13:44And, and you know what else?
13:46I like the feeling of community, the tradition.
13:49And I think that's what's bugging your father.
13:52You know, he wanted to pass his faith on to you.
13:56It's probably the only valuable thing that he thinks he can give you.
13:59And you've rejected it.
14:04Okay.
14:04I need more ice cream.
14:09You know, a lot of people would have made fun of that plumber, okay?
14:11Big Muppet-eye guy.
14:13I'm sorry.
14:20Hey, you work at the church carnival next weekend?
14:22Yeah, my wife signed me up for the dunking booth again.
14:25She loves seeing me wet.
14:30Hey, Ray's here!
14:32Ha, ha, ha, ha!
14:39What are you doing here?
14:41Nothing. Going to church.
14:43How come?
14:44I just felt like it.
14:46Yeah, well, we don't need you part-timers dropping by whenever you feel like it.
14:50Screws up the parking.
14:54I'm thinking of making this a regular thing.
14:58Yeah, right.
14:59No, I'm serious.
15:01You want to come every Sunday?
15:03Do I have it every Sunday?
15:05Yeah, every Sunday.
15:07Yeah, until your mother's guilt wears off.
15:10No, no, it wasn't her.
15:12Look, you want to know the truth?
15:15It was you.
15:16I want to set an example for my kids, you know.
15:21Like you did.
15:23What are you, being a wise guy?
15:27No.
15:28I mean it.
15:30Oh, yeah?
15:32Yeah.
15:35Look at you.
15:37Us Barones, we clean up pretty good, eh?
15:42Hey!
15:43It's the arbitrary people.
15:44Where are my ushers?
15:46Let's go, let's go.
15:46Get the lead out.
15:47Come on, come on.
15:48Go, go, go, go, go, go.
15:49Father Hobley, good news.
15:52Raymond, my son, is coming back to the church.
15:56Really?
15:59Every Sunday.
16:02Welcome back, Raymond.
16:07Frank, you waiting for an engraved invitation?
16:09Come on.
16:19Well, well, well, the prodigal son returns.
16:23Of course, no one applauds a faithful son, because the faithful son never leaves.
16:28The faithful son has nowhere to go.
16:34So what's your angle, Raymond?
16:36Nothing.
16:36I was thinking about Dad.
16:38Oh, you're coming back because of Dad?
16:40Yeah.
16:41Every Sunday, that's right.
16:42And you're gonna sit in the pews and be with the family.
16:45Hey, if Dad can do it, I can do it.
16:47Yeah.
16:50What?
16:51Dad doesn't do it.
16:53What do you mean?
16:54I do it.
16:56Mom, Deborah, the kids do it.
16:58Dad, he's a nusher.
17:00So?
17:01So that means he spends most of his time out here, not in there.
17:05Back here, he doesn't have to listen to all the, as he puts it, mumbo jumbo.
17:16That's right, Ray.
17:18Oh, yeah, occasionally he'll go down the aisle with the collection basket, wink at the pretty
17:22ladies, and he hustles back to count the money and clocks out.
17:26It's a beautiful set up.
17:28Mom can't get on his case for not going to mass.
17:31He's here every Sunday serving the Lord.
17:33He's just doing it from the first-class lounge.
17:40Oh, my God.
17:43Deborah told me this was the best part of him.
17:47I knew there was no best part of him.
17:50Oh, and I just promised in front of God and everybody.
17:56All right, boys, count them up.
17:59Hey, Frank, get a load of Rosa and Kelly today.
18:03With the low-cut thing?
18:04I almost gave her a dollar.
18:08Praise the Lord!
18:11Looks like I'm ahead here, boys.
18:14Ooh, look at this, a $50 bill.
18:17Someone did something to somebody.
18:20Hold it, hold it.
18:22This is it?
18:22This is what you do every Sunday?
18:25What?
18:25This, this, laughing and talking about women and betting on who collected the most money?
18:31Isn't this where Jesus is supposed to come in and turn this table over?
18:37Since when did you start wearing sandals?
18:44You're so full of it, Dad, you know?
18:46Acting all high and mighty, telling me that I'm gonna burn in you know where.
18:50And this is it? This is what you want to pass on to me, you little sportsman's lodge?
18:53You know what? Forget it.
18:54I'm not going to church, okay?
18:55Because I don't need your hypocrisy.
18:57Hypocrisy.
18:58Oh, hypocrisy.
19:02Who are you to judge?
19:03There's no hypocrisy.
19:05I made a commitment to the Lord and I'm here every Sunday helping.
19:08You want to break your commitment to your family, to Father Humbley and to God?
19:12Go right ahead.
19:14Don't worry.
19:15It's a dry heat.
19:19Fine. All right.
19:20I'm not going to break my commitment.
19:22I said I'm coming every week and, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.
19:28Not only that, I would like to volunteer to be an usher.
19:33I want to be an usher.
19:34Come on, Dad.
19:35That would be great.
19:36You and me, we could usher together.
19:37You mean you want to be an usher like your old man?
19:41Why? Why? Why is that so funny?
19:43You know how long the waiting list is?
19:45It took me 20 years to become an usher.
19:49Oh.
19:50Oh, well, I could be a fill-in guy, you know, for when somebody gets sick.
19:54You don't look so good.
20:00Sorry, kid. I promised that to your brother.
20:03Oh, I hate that guy.
20:05Look, you already missed half the mess here.
20:08Come on, you better get back in there if you want this one to count.
20:12Yeah, all right, but...
20:13Hey, hey, look.
20:14I got a lot of work to do here, son.
20:17Go and join your family.
20:23All right, I'm here.
20:28All glory and honor is yours.
20:30Anybody watch the Knicks game last night?
20:32Yeah.
20:33For the first time, it was great.
20:34I like the chair.
20:40Father, you are holy indeed, and all creation rightly gives you praise.
20:45All life, all holiness comes from you through your son, Jesus Christ our Lord.
20:50By the working of the Holy Spirit, from age to age, you gather a people to yourself.
20:57So that from Easter to Easter to Easter to Easter, to the glory of your name.
21:03And so, Father, I ask you to make things holy by the power of your Spirit, that they may become
21:12the body and blood of your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.
21:23He broke the bread.
21:34Again, again.
21:36Raymond.
21:47Peace be with you.
22:08Peace be with you.
Comments