- 17 hours ago
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FunTranscript
00:04Hello.
01:19I'm coming.
01:23Hello, dear.
01:26You busy?
01:27Um, I was just upstairs folding laundry.
01:31Telling you, it never stops.
01:33Well, good for you.
01:37So, do you need anything?
01:39Oh, yes.
01:40I was wondering if you have any, um, nasal spray.
01:43You see?
01:45Crank is good.
01:47Oh.
01:51What's this?
01:52Oh, it's a guidebook on how to talk to your kids about sex.
01:57Why?
01:59Actually, Ally's already starting to ask questions.
02:01Oh, really?
02:03Yeah.
02:03Well, may I ask what's going on around here that she needs to ask questions?
02:09What?
02:10Nothing.
02:11You know, they make robes that cover up a person.
02:18What?
02:19Yes, with a zipper.
02:22No, I have to get back to my laundry.
02:24No, no, I'm really serious, Deborah.
02:26Why would you want to introduce a subject matter of this kind to an innocent child?
02:31Oh, listen.
02:32You should be happy we're taking care of this, because eventually she might ask you a question.
02:38Well, I'm a grandmother.
02:40Yes, but you're a person.
02:42You're a woman.
02:43Oh, I just, I don't like this, Deborah.
02:46She might ask about you and Grandpa.
02:53Well, if she does, I will change the subject and give her a cookie.
02:59Is that what you do when Grandpa asks?
03:10Yes, sir, nothing's off limits.
03:13Oh, I didn't mean anything.
03:16Anyway, he doesn't ask anymore.
03:19Really?
03:20Let me tell you something.
03:22There are a lot more important things in a marriage than that.
03:26Like friendship and trust and keeping a neat house.
03:32Oh.
03:33Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
03:37Yeah, I mean, people our age aren't preoccupied with these things.
03:41So how long has it been since you've had...
03:46Since you started focusing on the neatness of the house?
03:53I don't know.
03:5520 years.
03:5820 years?
03:59You haven't...
04:00Oh, no, I wouldn't say never.
04:02I'd say, uh, once a year.
04:07Once a year for 20 years?
04:09Yeah.
04:10On average.
04:13I'll tell you something, dear.
04:17Someday, this house will be a lot neater.
04:26Someday, the life.
04:29Oh, my god.
04:36I'll tell you.
04:37Oh, my God.
04:40Oh, my god.
04:45Come together.
04:46Oh, my god.
04:52Good night.
04:57Ray.
04:59What? What? I just want to watch this.
05:03What? What are you doing?
05:04We have a problem.
05:06Yeah, I was watching that.
05:10Why didn't you respond to me?
05:12I said good night.
05:15Honey, I'm trying to get your attention.
05:17All right, can you just give me one second, all right?
05:19This is good.
05:21It's a Scottish guy throwing a log.
05:27For the championship.
05:30Would you turn it off, please?
05:33All right.
05:44We're turning into your parents.
05:49Okay, which one am I?
05:55I've got some news for you, Ray.
05:57Your sex drive is diminishing.
05:59Well, if you're my mom, what do you expect?
06:08I'm serious, Ray.
06:10Look, I used to have to fend you off every night.
06:13Now it's down to less than once a week.
06:15No, it's not.
06:15Yes, it is, Ray.
06:21No, it's not.
06:30He's locked every time he reaches for the pellet.
06:36Do you realize that for the last 20 years, your parents have only had sex once a year?
06:41Well, who told you that?
06:43Your mother.
06:45What?
06:45What?
06:46What?
06:47What?
06:48Why did you talk about that?
06:49She saw the sex book, and we just started talking, and she told me.
06:53Well, why are you telling me?
06:57Because you're turning into your father.
06:59Listen, things started slowing down for them when they were the age that we are now.
07:07We're not them.
07:10I just kissed you, rubbed your chest, kissed you again in an impure manner.
07:15You never took your eyes off the TV.
07:18Ten years ago, all I had to do was be awake.
07:22Sometimes not even that.
07:29I'm still...
07:30I'm still...
07:33sex machine.
07:37Come on.
07:39It was just today, you know.
07:40Today, it was a long day, and the kids had a heavy meal.
07:46You know, I don't need excuses.
07:48Come on, let's go, right now.
07:49Me and you.
07:50Let's go, mono or more mono.
07:54I don't want to do it just because you want to prove something.
07:56I don't want to prove something.
07:58I just love to sex you up.
08:03Stop it, Ray.
08:04No.
08:04You know, you never want to talk about anything.
08:06I'm ready now.
08:12The monkey never learns.
08:23More cheese balls?
08:24Yep, and keep them coming.
08:29It's funny how you and me both like cheese balls.
08:32Yeah, I guess.
08:35Yep.
08:37And the ladies.
08:43The ladies.
08:45Yeah, the barone boys.
08:47We love those ladies.
08:49Any action lately?
08:56What do you mean action?
08:58You asking about me and Amy?
09:00No.
09:01No, not about you and Amy.
09:02You know, just...
09:03Frequency.
09:07Frequency with me and Amy.
09:09I don't think Amy would appreciate her name coming up in this type of...
09:13venue.
09:16All right, so don't use the name Amy, you know?
09:19Just...
09:20Just tell me how often between you and Gail.
09:24Gail.
09:27Can it not be Gail?
09:30Because I have a superior named Gail.
09:33She's a beast.
09:36All right, call whatever you want.
09:37I just...
09:38Vanessa.
09:42Okay, fine.
09:44Say, Robert, how are things between you and Vanessa?
09:47Oh, pretty good.
09:51Yeah?
09:53Like, how often would you say you and Vanessa, you know...
09:57You know, to be honest, it's not like it used to be.
10:00Why?
10:00Why?
10:01What's the matter?
10:02Oh, no, nothing.
10:03It's just, you know, you get older and that's what happens.
10:05It's natural.
10:07Yeah, yeah.
10:09Why are you asking?
10:11Nothing, nothing.
10:13Well, wait a minute.
10:16Raymond, do you have a problem?
10:21What do you got for snacks?
10:23Yeah, cheese balls.
10:23Cheese balls.
10:24I'm in.
10:25You believe this game?
10:27Oh, holy hell.
10:29Somebody make a tackle.
10:31It's like they're not wearing cups.
10:35So, Raymond, what is the problem?
10:37Hey, Robert, it's a pretty good game.
10:39We should just shop and watch it, right?
10:41What problem?
10:42What are you talking about?
10:44Nothing, Dad.
10:44Nothing.
10:45Well, sounds like Raymond's having a little trouble.
10:47South of the border.
10:51Oh, yeah?
10:53Mr. Johnson not showing up for work?
11:05What's wrong with you?
11:06What are you talking about this for?
11:07What's the matter?
11:08You want me to have a look at it?
11:11Oh, my God.
11:13There's nothing wrong with me, all right?
11:16Ray, look.
11:16Why don't you just ask Dad what you asked me?
11:19Would you stop?
11:20What?
11:21We're all men, Dad.
11:22Look.
11:23How many times would you say that you and Mom...
11:25Oh, somebody killed me.
11:26Oh, I...
11:30And look, by the way, you don't have to call her mom.
11:32We got a system.
11:33You can pick any name.
11:35Another name?
11:36Yeah.
11:36Uh, that way it's not embarrassing.
11:38Yeah, I think we're past that.
11:42Harriet Lickman.
11:54All right, look.
11:55Forget it.
11:55You don't...
11:55You don't got an answer.
11:57I already know the answer, all right?
11:59Your sex drive diminishes as you get older.
12:01Hey, speak for yourself.
12:03Why?
12:04Look, I don't know about Harriet Lickman, but as far as your mother and I are concerned,
12:08the Saints are still marching in.
12:13All right, Doug, you don't have to exaggerate.
12:15Hey, in this department, I speak the truth.
12:17All right.
12:18Yeah.
12:19Whatever you say.
12:20Not whatever I say.
12:21What is?
12:22You can set your clock by me.
12:24Yeah.
12:25You can set it every 20 years.
12:32Hey, hey, hey, hey.
12:33Little respect.
12:34Look, it's all right.
12:35It's all right.
12:36Listen, Sonny.
12:37If you're having trouble making the wee wacky woo-hoo...
12:44You did not get that from me.
12:47You want to be honest?
12:48Let's be honest.
12:49Mom told Deborah how much things have slowed down between you two.
12:53Well, I might not be where I was at your age, but...
12:56I think a couple of times a week is pretty good.
13:12A couple times a week?
13:17Holy crap.
13:21That's right.
13:22And now, if you'll excuse me, all this talk has kind of put me in the mood.
13:43We should be having sex three times a week.
13:46Where did you get that from?
13:47These are the numbers, man.
13:52If we want to be doing it twice a week, 20 years from now, we should be doing it three
13:56times a week now.
13:57What?
13:58My father told me his stats.
14:02You talked to your father about their sex life?
14:04Yes, I did.
14:05And listen, everything my mother told you yesterday?
14:07Yeah.
14:08Lies.
14:08Okay?
14:09My father told me the truth.
14:11It's the exact opposite.
14:13Twice a week.
14:13No way.
14:15Yes.
14:16Yes.
14:16That is impossible.
14:18Your mother told me flat out once a year.
14:21And since when is she ever straight with you?
14:24Well, she didn't lie about this.
14:27And Frank would lie especially about this.
14:30Why?
14:31Why you say that?
14:32Because he's a man.
14:34So?
14:35So what?
14:36I'm a man.
14:37Yeah, well, you lie to me about our own sex life.
14:42Where?
14:43When do I do that?
14:45What does all night long mean to you?
14:54It's a figure of speech.
14:56Nobody really means that.
14:58Men lie and your father's a liar.
15:00That is not true.
15:01My mother's the liar.
15:03Great.
15:04She didn't lie to me about this.
15:05She opened up to me.
15:07Opened up?
15:08Yeah.
15:08She played you like a Hawaiian on a ukulele?
15:11Oh.
15:12You're impossible.
15:13You know that?
15:14Your father makes up a story and you just believe it.
15:16Because it's true!
15:17Listen, when your mom and I talked, she told me that she...
15:21Na, na, na, na!
15:23You look great.
15:24Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
15:26I'm telling you.
15:27Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
15:28Come on.
15:30Come on.
15:31All right.
15:32Look, it's already Saturday.
15:34We got to do it three times tomorrow.
15:39hi mrs. Scarpula okay listen I got to ask both of you a question sure dear what is it
16:02what are you doing she wanted to ask us something what is it there yes what is it dear
16:16we've been getting some conflicting reports and what we would both like to know is
16:23how often do the two of you actually go to the theater
16:36have sex
16:42oh this is as bad as it gets
16:46oh my god listen I would never ask do you understand the meaning of a private conversation
16:54of course I do but Frank said something that was what did you say hey I didn't talk to her
16:59thanks for blabbing my business what are you so mad about you were proud of it just say the number
17:06no
17:06don't you dare have you no boundaries I don't care if it's out in the open it's out in the
17:13open twice
17:14a week what are you saying don't lie okay see who's lying what's wrong with you why are we having
17:22this
17:22conversation come on Marie I got a reputation here word of mouth is everything in this business I happen to
17:32be a
17:32lady Frank
17:39what do you mean Marie is it true
17:45yes it's true
17:58see
18:00ew
18:04why did you tell me it was only once a year because this whole topic is improper what we do
18:10in our bedroom is our own business and I prefer not to be known as the whore of
18:13Glenbrook
18:20we can move from Limbrook
18:35I don't understand Marie what are you so ashamed of
18:38she's ashamed to admit she likes it
18:40oh Frank
18:42how do you know I like it
18:45you wouldn't like it
18:47just admit it Marie
18:49yes it's true I enjoy my sex life
18:53alright
18:54ok
18:56forgive me but in my day a woman didn't discuss these things I mean sex was a wifely duty
19:04and the truth of the matter is that your father happens to be very competent
19:15and it's obvious that I'm a woman and I have needs like any other woman and maybe I shouldn't be
19:22ashamed of sex because it's a very natural part of life and if I'm lucky enough to still enjoy the
19:30pleasures of it then I'm going to
19:33you
19:34oh God
19:36oh God
19:49aren't you glad you came over
19:55tell the truth it's not twice a week i'll give or take the point is we're not dead
20:02you know i can't believe this but i actually want to ask you something
20:09go ahead dear how can you two be so
20:15shouldn't you two be tired
20:19what's there to be tired about i don't work anymore what else do i got to do
20:26and you're forgetting the most important thing about the sex
20:29oh god the kids are out of the house
20:35yeah for years you were dragging us down
20:42you remember the night when bobby went to his new apartment
20:49okay come on honey i think there's a bottle of scotch with our name on it
20:58hey uh don't take this personal but for the next six months no eye contact
21:12so what do you think
21:14oh stop it frank i'm tired
21:19all right the soup's good
21:31so what do you think i just i want to but there's still these pictures in my head
21:38you know you do just shake your head like a net just sketches
21:47what was that oh is that something the kids no maybe not
21:54mommy
21:59thanks 14 years till college
22:01yeah i'll see you then
22:28yeah i'll see you then
22:31yeah
22:34you
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