- 15 minutes ago
Girlie Boys
Jonesy gets a job in the mall's spa. Meanwhile, Jude tries to compete against his rival Mike Dent in a skateboarding race. Wyatt encourages this because Mike used to take his cookies in kindergarten. He starts to practice by pulling Caitlin around on his skateboard, but when he finds out he's getting slower, he goes to great lengths (such as shaving all his hair off) to go faster. Little does he know that the only reason he's getting slower is because Caitlin is gaining weight at her part-time job, where she eats nothing but free chocolate (6 pounds of it a day).
Jonesy gets a job in the mall's spa. Meanwhile, Jude tries to compete against his rival Mike Dent in a skateboarding race. Wyatt encourages this because Mike used to take his cookies in kindergarten. He starts to practice by pulling Caitlin around on his skateboard, but when he finds out he's getting slower, he goes to great lengths (such as shaving all his hair off) to go faster. Little does he know that the only reason he's getting slower is because Caitlin is gaining weight at her part-time job, where she eats nothing but free chocolate (6 pounds of it a day).
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TVTranscript
00:00TIMES LESS
00:16Hi, Jonesy.
00:22Who's your daddy?
00:25Hi, Jonesy.
00:28Looking good, sweet cheeks.
00:30Hey, Jonesy.
00:39Jonesy?
00:40Hey, guys, what's up?
00:41Now, you know I hate to brag, but it needs to be said.
00:44I am a total stud.
00:47The chicks can't keep their eyes off me today.
00:50I am on fire.
00:56Oh, what?
01:01What?
01:01Um, could you excuse us for a minute?
01:04Jonesy has a unibrow.
01:06I know.
01:08It's so bad.
01:09We have to tell him.
01:10We can't just let him walk around like that.
01:12Why not?
01:13It's so hairy.
01:16That's it.
01:17I'm telling him.
01:19Uh, Jonesy?
01:20Have you looked in a mirror lately?
01:22I mean, really looked?
01:24Nope.
01:24Don't need to.
01:25I know what I look like, and it's spelled H-O-T.
01:28You've got a unibrow.
01:30A what?
01:31A unibrow.
01:32The merging of two separate eyebrows into one gigantic entity.
01:36No, I don't.
01:37Yes, you do.
01:38It's like a big, huge caterpillar is sitting on your face.
01:42Sorry.
01:43Hey, get off me, dude!
01:45Sorry, bro.
01:46How did I get this?
01:47I never had it before.
01:48These things can sneak up on you.
01:50I don't want to have just one eyebrow.
01:53Don't worry.
01:54They can get rid of it for you down at the spa.
01:56Uh-uh.
01:57Spas are for-
01:58Hi, Jonesy.
01:59Nice eyebrow.
02:04I'll go, I'll go.
02:17I know it stings, but it'll just last a minute.
02:20That hurt, but they're hot.
02:25Hey, beautiful.
02:46Thanks, sample lady.
02:52Woo-hoo-hoo!
02:54Woo-hoo-hoo!
02:59Fat move, man.
03:00Do it again.
03:01Thanks, dudes.
03:02But I got to start training for the speed skating event.
03:05You're in the curb jam?
03:06Sweet.
03:07Good luck, man.
03:08Thanks, bro.
03:09Later.
03:10The swelling will go down soon.
03:13Sorry.
03:13I know waxing isn't fun.
03:15Are you kidding?
03:16The spa was awesome.
03:17A little painful, sure.
03:19But the view was worth it.
03:20Nice eyebrows.
03:22Dude.
03:24Thanks, man.
03:24You got to get a girl up.
03:26Later, dudes.
03:28Ow!
03:31So, how's the training coming?
03:33Awesome.
03:36And check it out.
03:38I got a new sticker for the deck.
03:40I like to make Sally here feel appreciated before a big event.
03:45Okay, then.
03:46Wait.
03:46You're training for a speed slalom event.
03:48Won't putting a sticker on your board add drag?
03:51Chill.
03:52It's just a sticker, bro.
03:54Anything you add to your board can slow you down.
03:57Competitive swimmers shave their entire bodies to reduce resistance.
04:00It's the law of physics.
04:02Geek.
04:02Whoa.
04:03They shave it all?
04:04That's pretty extreme.
04:06You want to win, right?
04:08Definitely.
04:09First prize is an all-expense-paid trip to the regional finals in Vancouver.
04:14Woo-hoo-hoo!
04:15Hey, Wazowski.
04:17I heard you think you're the fastest in the mall.
04:20Well, I'm here to tell you you're not.
04:23Maybe you should put your skateboard where your mouth is.
04:26Yeah.
04:26I'd like to see that.
04:28You got it, bra.
04:30Uh, I think you meant to say bro.
04:34Bra is for chicks.
04:36No, I meant to say bra.
04:39Bra.
04:40That's it.
04:41You and I.
04:42One race.
04:42It's this Friday after closing.
04:45You're on, Lizzie.
04:47And we'll see who pounds who into the pavement harder.
04:51That didn't even make sense.
04:52See you later, Judy.
04:54Don't forget to bring your cheerleaders.
04:59That dude just seriously harshed on my mallow.
05:02What dude?
05:03Yeah.
05:04Who is he anyway?
05:05Wyatt, that's Mike Dent.
05:06Don't you remember him?
05:07The guy who used to take my cookies in kindergarten class?
05:11Teacher, Mike Dent took my cookies.
05:14My cookies.
05:16Oh, that Mike Dent.
05:18In that case, kick his butt.
05:21Dude, who cares?
05:22I have great news.
05:24Now, I don't know how we missed this, but I have found the greatest place in the whole mall to
05:29pick up chicks.
05:30The spa.
05:31The place is crawling with chicks.
05:33And the best part is they're all practically naked.
05:36Seriously?
05:37You saw them?
05:37With my own two eyes.
05:39Hi, Paige.
05:41Hi.
05:41She was at the spa, only not in that uniform, if you know what I'm saying.
05:46Saw her at the spa?
05:47Spa, spa, and yep.
05:52Spa.
05:53Does going to the spa hurt?
05:56Yes, but it's worth it.
05:57And check it out.
05:58No unibrow.
06:00Smooth.
06:02Unbelievable.
06:03Nikki, I almost forgot.
06:04You have to come with me and give me your opinion on something.
06:07Why do I suspect I'm going to regret this?
06:10Come on.
06:11Ah!
06:13There they are.
06:15The new citizens of profanity genes.
06:18Ooh.
06:19I'll put them on layaway until I've saved up enough.
06:22Well, if you're serious, I hear Chocoholics Anonymous is hiring.
06:25That's an awesome idea.
06:27You're the best, Nikki.
06:28You can thank me later.
06:32Please, thank me later?
06:35Are you sure you want me to wax your arm here?
06:38If it'll make me go faster, definitely.
06:42Hook me up, waxing lady.
06:47Better find the grill here, Jonesy.
06:52Don't worry, man.
06:53Just look around.
06:59Sorry.
07:01Nice.
07:02That's really smooth.
07:04If you want smooth skin, you should try our exfoliating sea salt body scrub.
07:09It feels amazing.
07:10You mean there's stuff you can do at the spa that doesn't hurt?
07:16Oh, yeah.
07:23If this is the Swedish massage, I can't wait for a Brazilian.
07:28I know, bro.
07:29I know.
07:32Wow.
07:33Who knew a dude's feet could look like this?
07:36This is where it's at.
07:38Got that right.
07:39I will never be high strung again.
07:44So, did I tell you?
07:46Chocoholics Anonymous hired me on the spot.
07:49I start today.
07:50Are you sure that's a good idea?
07:52You know how much you love chocolate.
07:54I know, right?
07:55It's so perfect.
07:57Just don't eat too much of...
07:59Hey!
08:09Wow.
08:09Wow.
08:10Wow.
08:18What happened to you guys?
08:20The spa.
08:22You look amazing.
08:25It's all part of our new lifestyle regime.
08:28You know, it really is good seeing you guys like this.
08:31Really?
08:31Sure.
08:32I mean, why should girls be expected to bear the brunt of society's pressure to look good all the time?
08:37Do you know what she's talking about?
08:39I'm saying that maybe now you'll appreciate how much trouble girls go through.
08:46What was that?
08:47That was Mike.
08:49And there goes my mellow.
08:51What was he dragging behind him?
08:53A parachute.
08:55What?
08:55In case he falls off his board?
08:57Parachutes are used for training.
08:59They provide resistance so you can work on your speed and endurance.
09:03Exactamundo.
09:04I wish I had one.
09:06Hey!
09:06I could be your parachute.
09:08I know I wouldn't be a real parachute, but you could tow me around.
09:12I'll be your resistance.
09:13Really?
09:14Punch my wheels, Lusowski!
09:22There.
09:23You're all set.
09:24Are you sure about this?
09:26Absolutely.
09:27Hit it!
09:29This is fun!
09:33That'll be $68.
09:37And $37.
09:45Scents.
09:51Hi.
09:52I'd like a bottle of this Smash Face hair smother.
09:55Hey!
09:55What are you doing here?
09:57I was spending so much time here and looking so good doing it, they hired me.
10:01Which means, guess who gets 30% off all products and services?
10:06No way!
10:07That's amazing!
10:09I know!
10:09It's a sweet deal!
10:11Thanks, Jonesy.
10:12I've got to run to my new job.
10:14Later!
10:14Bye!
10:15Bye!
10:16Hey!
10:17Up for some training tonight, Caitlin?
10:19Definitely!
10:20Uh, you might want to fix your hair.
10:26Ah, look!
10:28It's Judykins and Wyatt going to get their hair done at the spa.
10:33Told you you were a bra.
10:34Bra.
10:37Okay, I'm usually a pretty chilled out guy, but that dude is starting to make me not chilled out.
10:44No worries.
10:44Me and my employee discount have just what you need.
10:52I can't believe we get to eat as much as we want.
10:56Seriously, this is the best job I've ever had.
11:02Hi, can I help you?
11:05A little fat frozen yogurt, please.
11:07Nothing for me.
11:08I ate way too much chocolate when I worked here, and I came 25 pounds in like three months.
11:14Wow.
11:15Okay.
11:16Thanks.
11:17There you go.
11:22Can you imagine eating enough chocolate to gain 25 pounds?
11:26I know, right?
11:33It is so sad how some people, like, just let themselves go.
11:37I mean, if you don't take pride in how you look, how's anyone supposed to take you seriously?
11:43That's just what I was thinking.
11:45Okay, you daisies.
11:47Time to take this up a notch.
11:48Jude, ready for the T-1000 high action tanning booth?
11:51Right on.
11:52See you on the other side, dudes.
12:05Ladies.
12:07Hello.
12:08Oh, no.
12:10You didn't.
12:10What happened to you guys?
12:12We've been at the spa.
12:13Yeah, we could see that.
12:15Your spray-on tans are orange.
12:17Your teeth are so bleached they're practically blue.
12:20And Jude, what's with all the waxing?
12:22You look like you're made of plastic.
12:25It's a need for speed.
12:26I go way faster on my board.
12:29It's true.
12:30Tears go faster.
12:31And the girls love it.
12:32Thanks for last night, guys.
12:36The question isn't if we should go back, it's how.
12:39The spa's expensive.
12:40I don't know how I'm going to keep up with my highlights.
12:42You have to maintain them or you get roots.
12:44Did you know about roots?
12:45Roots suck.
12:46Well, at least your roots won't be curly.
12:49It's going to totally ruin my new look.
12:50I need to look good or I'll get fired from the spa.
12:53And that'll mean no cash flow and no employee discounts.
12:56But I need to keep smooth.
12:57I can't have my arm hair slowing me down.
13:01Don't worry.
13:01Hairs only regrow at a rate of a quarter inch a month.
13:04Wow.
13:05Girls really do spend a lot of time thinking about this stuff.
13:09Ready for some more training?
13:11Sure.
13:15Wait.
13:17Okay.
13:20Is it me or is Caitlyn looking a little larger than usual?
13:24Um, she's looking a lot larger.
13:26Oh no.
13:27I knew this would happen.
13:28You can eat all the free chocolate you want at Chocoholics.
13:31I tried to tell her, but does anyone ever listen to me?
13:34Sorry, did you just say something?
13:44This can't be happening.
13:47I'm going even slower, dude.
13:48Maybe your training has plateaued?
13:52Nice haircut, Lusowski.
13:55That's it.
13:56I'm going to pop that zit.
13:58Go get him, dude.
14:15This Jedi knight's not going to be...
14:18Sorry.
14:22See you later, suckers.
14:28Jerk.
14:30I don't get it.
14:32I was really tearing it up last week.
14:35Hmm.
14:36That's it.
14:37It's the hair.
14:38Got to get rid of the hair.
14:39Later.
14:39Okay.
14:40Bye.
14:47Time to close up.
14:48Already?
14:49I'll just take one for the road.
14:57Come on, guys.
14:59Keep it quiet.
15:01Thanks for sneaking us in, bro.
15:03I've got to get rid of this hair.
15:05It's killing my chances.
15:07No worries, dude.
15:08I think we could all use a bit of a touch-up.
15:10Definitely.
15:11How hard can it be?
15:14You sure about this, bro?
15:15You bet.
15:16Who needs hair anyway?
15:19Okay, then.
15:26Come on.
15:27I can't believe I'm doing this.
15:30Make sure you get the backs of my knees.
15:33What?
15:36Didn't you ever take gym class?
15:42What is that stuff?
15:43I have no idea, but the seaweed lady covers me in it before my wrap.
15:48Okay, I'm good to go.
15:52Come on, get this seaweed off me.
16:00It's not coming off!
16:04Um, does the lady usually cover you in acrylic nail glue before your seaweed wrap?
16:11Dude!
16:13Come back, dude!
16:23I almost don't want to know what is going on here.
16:28Hello?
16:40Time to buy my jeans!
16:46Get this!
16:49Excuse me?
16:50I don't think these are the jeans I put on Layaway.
16:53They don't fit.
16:54I'm afraid they are, dear.
16:55And they're our last pair.
16:57If you don't want them, I'm going to have to put them back on the rack.
17:06Mmm.
17:07Mmm, this is good.
17:10Ah!
17:11Go, go, go, go, go, go!
17:17I can't believe no one told me I was getting F.A.T.
17:26You're not fat.
17:27And I did try to tell you, but you wouldn't listen, remember?
17:30You were eating six pounds of chocolate a day.
17:38Did you just say you got fatter?
17:41That is awesome!
17:44If you got fat, that means I'm not slow on my board, which means you're going to kick his butt.
17:50Oh, yay!
17:52That's great, Jude!
17:54I guess that means we didn't need to sneak into the spa to shave my head.
17:59Oh, now you tell me.
18:00I got fired, dude, from the best job I ever had.
18:03There were chicks, man.
18:05Chicks!
18:09That's it.
18:10They're gone.
18:11They don't have the sparkly jeans in my new size.
18:13Okay, pity party's over.
18:15Come on, Jude's contest is starting in ten minutes.
18:19Guys, look!
18:20These are even cuter than the last pair!
18:23Can I put these on layaway, please?
18:26But that's your old size.
18:28They won't fit.
18:28Oh, yes, they will!
18:30Come on, we're late for Jude.
18:36Okay, guys, remember, this is a one-on-one obstacle speed race.
18:40I want a nice, clean run.
18:42You got that?
18:43You're gonna lose, you know that, right?
18:45Kick his butt, dude!
18:49What?
18:50He stole my cookies.
18:51On your mark, get set, go!
19:05Go, Jude!
19:07Go, Jude!
19:08Get it done, baby!
19:09Go, Jude!
19:10You can do it!
19:11Move it!
19:34Every loser has his day, Blisowski!
19:38And it looks like today is all yours, brah!
19:52Caitlin, you look awesome!
19:54Thanks!
19:55The time I put in at the fitness center really paid off.
19:58I'm back to my old size!
19:59And I just bought my new sparkly jeans.
20:03So?
20:04I placed second in the curb jam!
20:08Way to go!
20:09Yeah, it almost makes up for the fact that I'm green and bald.
20:14You know, I'm kind of glad to be getting back to normal.
20:16Looking good was way too much work.
20:18All that time and money?
20:20Why do girls bother?
20:21Because of guys like you.
20:23Good point.
20:24Looking good, ladies!
20:26Jen, Caitlin, aren't you two a little overdue at the spa?
20:32I'll handle this one.
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