- 2 days ago
Deadbeat Poets Society
Starr wants to help Wyatt control his anger, and introduces him to a small poet society. All goes well until his friends find out, go to one of his readings to support him and Caitlin farts during one of his poems, causing the whole gang to laugh and embarrass Wyatt
Starr wants to help Wyatt control his anger, and introduces him to a small poet society. All goes well until his friends find out, go to one of his readings to support him and Caitlin farts during one of his poems, causing the whole gang to laugh and embarrass Wyatt
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TVTranscript
00:00The time's less!
00:08Okay, so this is fun with fungi.
00:12The red one is nice to beat you.
00:14And you've got crazy curry tofu.
00:16Wicked cool names.
00:19I know.
00:20I'm like an inventor.
00:23But maybe giving these to your friends to test isn't such a good idea.
00:27Why?
00:28They love food.
00:28They're usually broke, so they're not that picky.
00:31Cool.
00:36And so that's how I got the idea to put the beets through the blender.
00:41Have you ever seen worms in a blender?
00:43Does she ever stop talking?
00:46Never.
00:47So come on, guys. Give it a try.
00:49It's free, dudes.
00:56Huh?
00:58Huh?
00:59Hey, what's that?
01:04What?
01:05Nothing. I thought I saw the Easter bunny.
01:09What are you doing, Wyatt?
01:11Shh.
01:11Hiding from Serena.
01:17Check this out.
01:18Three-pointer.
01:19Ah!
01:21You've got to work on your free throws.
01:24That is just so sad.
01:27Look at the bright side.
01:29At least it wasn't a chili bowl, dude.
01:37Wyatt man, do the words shred of dignity mean anything to you?
01:42Talk to me when someone rips your heart out and steps on it.
01:45Ouch.
01:46You might want to consider getting off the bitter train, Wyatt.
01:49Nikki's right.
01:50All this pent-up anger's not good for you.
01:52Totally.
01:52Hey, have you had a coffee yet?
01:54No.
01:55And why not?
01:56Because Serena was at Grind Me with Charmaine and I couldn't go in.
02:00I'll go to Grind Me with you, Wyatt.
02:01You need your coffee.
02:03Maybe I should just join a monastery.
02:04Then I wouldn't have to worry about girls.
02:06Okay, now you're talking freaky talk.
02:10I'm off to work.
02:11Let's go.
02:14This is cool, man.
02:15I feel like a doctor.
02:17Do I get a stethoscope?
02:18No.
02:19Now, you'll have to take the pharmaceutical oath.
02:22Repeat after me.
02:24I promise to keep all customer information confidential.
02:28Right.
02:29That's cool.
02:30I can dig it.
02:30Okay, say it.
02:33Say it.
02:34Okay.
02:35I promise to keep all customer information confidential.
02:40Good, good.
02:41I'll be in the back.
02:47Can I help you?
02:48No.
02:48I mean, maybe.
02:50Don't be shy.
02:51Discretion is my middle name.
02:52I've taken the oath.
02:55I know, but I think...
02:57What do you think I'm...
02:59Hey, Mr. Goldstein,
03:01what do we give people for really serious constipation?
03:07Are you sure you don't want to just come up with me?
03:09Serena's not here.
03:11Yeah, but Charmaine's her best friend.
03:13She probably hates me now, too.
03:14She does not hate you.
03:16They're all sisters.
03:20Hey, girl, what's up?
03:22Hey, can I get a double tall cappuccino, extra hot, extra foam?
03:27Double tall cappuccino, extra hot, extra foam, huh?
03:31That sounds a lot like someone else's usual order.
03:35Coming right up.
03:37You know, he can come in and order it himself.
03:39I won't bite.
03:41That's what I told him.
03:43He's really taking this whole breakup thing hard.
03:45Thanks.
03:47You can order from her from now on.
03:49Really?
03:50Yes.
03:51See?
03:51I told you she wouldn't hold it against you.
03:55She stiffed me on the foam.
03:57She what?
03:57The foam.
03:58I asked for extra foam, and she gave me less than normal.
04:02So, okay, maybe she just forgot.
04:04Or maybe there was a foam shortage.
04:06There was no foam shortage.
04:08This is payback for yelling at Serena.
04:11Uh, she's getting back at you with foam?
04:13I need another cappuccino so I can do a foam comparison test.
04:17Well, don't look at me.
04:18I've got to get back to work.
04:21Hmm.
04:24Okay, Wyatt's really losing it.
04:26Yeah, yesterday he went postal on the pizza guy.
04:29Our new hair color is so fetched.
04:32So glad we went brunette.
04:33Yeah.
04:34Eee!
04:35Shh.
04:36Don't lean too close.
04:38We can't let Coach Haldern over dating, remember?
04:40Fifty push-ups?
04:42Right.
04:43So, how's your friend Wyatt?
04:44We're trying to get him to cheer up, but nothing's working.
04:47Wow, that's a real...
04:50Funger.
04:52Hello, over here.
04:54What?
04:54Oh, yeah, yeah.
04:55Uh, what was I saying?
04:57What was that?
04:58Uh, what was what?
05:01That.
05:01You like her.
05:02No, I don't.
05:03I mean, she's cute, but...
05:05Oh, what?
05:05Because she's blonde?
05:06No, I mean, I don't know.
05:08So you don't like blondes?
05:09No, no, no.
05:10I like blondes.
05:11So you were flirting with her.
05:12No, I...
05:13Help.
05:15Ah!
05:18Ah!
05:25So the guy's obsessing over foam.
05:27Wow.
05:28I thought I had issues.
05:29Hey, if you're not gonna drink that, I'll have it.
05:32Can I take a break?
05:33I don't know, man.
05:34We're pretty busy here.
05:38All right, fine.
05:39Don't ever say I'm not a great boss, okay?
05:44Hey, if that were alive, you could have killed it.
05:50Think you can, you know, keep an eye on him?
05:53Sure.
05:54If he makes a run for it, I'll just give him the sleeper grip.
06:07There you are.
06:08I told you not to run off like that.
06:11Sorry.
06:12I'm sorry, sir.
06:13He's really into measuring things.
06:1825% foam.
06:19I knew it!
06:20She only gave me 12%.
06:22Okay, sit down.
06:24So I think I know what your problem is.
06:27I have a problem?
06:29Yeah.
06:29You need a healthy way to cleanse your aura
06:32without bugging the crap out of all your friends.
06:35Okay.
06:36What do you think I should do?
06:38Hey, Wyatt!
06:41Hey, what's up?
06:42It's the hottest spoken word poetry place around,
06:45and I scored you a spot in the lineup.
06:48Oh, no.
06:48No way.
06:49Welcome to Express of Yourself, Knight.
06:52Our first poet is one of our regulars, Coach Halder.
07:01Rotting the bench.
07:02Hard, cold wood under my butt.
07:04Feels kind of like paper after a while.
07:07Or just a hard desk chair.
07:09I didn't make the cut.
07:11I'm not good enough.
07:12Put me in, Coach.
07:14Defense!
07:15Defense!
07:16Defense!
07:17Thank you, thank you, thank you.
07:20Next up is a brand new poet.
07:22Let's have some snaps for Wyatt Williams.
07:26I don't think I'm ready for this.
07:28It'll be good for you.
07:29You need to get it out.
07:31Huh?
07:36Just think about Serena.
07:42Hot record store girl with the fly jeans?
07:45You suck!
07:46I hate your stupid jeans,
07:47and I hate your new boyfriend's stupid hair.
07:50You made me look like a jerk.
07:51You ditched me, left me,
07:53and you suck!
07:54I wish I'd never met you!
07:57Ah!
07:59All right!
08:01Wow, it's like you just threw up your soul,
08:05and we all got to see it.
08:07Why do I feel so, so light?
08:09You just let all of your getting dumped baggage
08:12out of your system.
08:13I have to do this again,
08:15but don't tell the gang.
08:16They just laugh.
08:17Okay, pinky swear.
08:20And brought me a bag full of goldfish,
08:23but then this other guy cut them all in half,
08:26except for one.
08:27And I named him Left Fin,
08:30because he had his right fin cut off,
08:32and he just swam in these big circles.
08:35Oh, hey, Wyatt!
08:37Hey, guys.
08:38Don't you just love Fridays?
08:40Uh, are you okay?
08:41Totally.
08:42Sorry, Star.
08:43Finish your story.
08:44Okay.
08:44So I was having this party.
08:47Oh, no!
08:47Look at the time.
08:49Aren't you guys going to be late for work?
08:50All right.
08:51Gotta go.
08:52Bye!
08:52Come by later.
08:53I think I figured out a really good new meal.
09:00See ya.
09:01Bye.
09:02Okay, what is with Wyatt?
09:04He actually sounded happy.
09:07Exactly.
09:08Something's up.
09:09You don't just go from miserable to happy.
09:11Maybe he found a new girlfriend.
09:13Well, I'm gonna find out.
09:14Who's up for some undercover action?
09:16I'm in.
09:17Uh, I would,
09:18but I've gotta get back to blonde and blonder,
09:20who are now brunettes for some reason.
09:23I guess I should really go to work.
09:26Okay.
09:26It's you and me, Caitlin.
09:42Oh, no!
09:44Our hair is so yesterday!
09:47We have to be blonde again!
09:50Nikki, watch the store!
09:51Nikki, watch the store.
09:53Nikki, pull the shirts.
09:54Ugh, why do I always feel like the ugly stepsister?
09:57Oh, can I answer this one?
09:59Oh, bite me.
10:01Hey, Coach Halder.
10:02Just wanted to say good job last night.
10:04Angry jilted guy!
10:05You gonna be there tonight?
10:05Got a little ditty about golf.
10:07I was going to perform.
10:08Yeah, I think I will.
10:09What could Wyatt and Coach Halder possibly have to talk about?
10:12Jen, is that you?
10:15Um, uh, hi.
10:18What did you do to your hair?
10:20Nothing.
10:21Why?
10:22Do you like it?
10:22I love it, but you didn't have to go blonde just for me.
10:25I didn't.
10:26I mean...
10:26Come on!
10:27Huh?
10:29Uh, ooh, gotta run.
10:30Bye!
10:33Hello.
10:36Hello.
10:36Yo.
10:49Where was the crossing guard when I was crossing Lover's Lane?
10:52Where was the guard when I got mowed down by a sedan named Woman?
10:56You should have honked your horn, Woman!
10:58I didn't see you coming, Woman!
11:00Bam!
11:02Wyatt!
11:03Wyatt!
11:07Wyatt is doing poetry?
11:09This, I have got to see.
11:11Jonesy, you can't say anything.
11:13There's obviously a reason Wyatt didn't want us to find out.
11:16Find out about what?
11:18He's reciting poetry at Grind Me!
11:20Ha ha ha ha!
11:22Ha ha ha ha!
11:22Oh, man.
11:24None of you were supposed to know about this.
11:26I didn't tell anyone.
11:27It's my fault.
11:28I just wanted to know what was going on with you.
11:30And you didn't trust me to tell you when I was ready?
11:33Hey, guys.
11:34Tell her what?
11:34That Wyatt's in a slam poetry contest tomorrow.
11:38Oops.
11:40All right.
11:41So you all know.
11:42Let the ribbing begin.
11:43For sooth!
11:44Where doth I start?
11:46Can we come watch?
11:47No.
11:47Please, guys.
11:48Just let me do this on my own.
11:50But we want to support you.
11:51You wouldn't be into it.
11:52How do you know?
11:54It's just that it kind of takes a certain amount of maturity.
11:58So we're not grown up enough?
11:59We can be mature.
12:01I'm not really mature, but I kind of like to see it.
12:04Oh, don't bother, Jude.
12:05Obviously Wyatt here thinks it's way above us.
12:08No, I just don't think you can handle it, that's all.
12:11Oh, that's it!
12:12I don't even want to go to this stupid poetry thing, but I'm going, baby!
12:16Fine.
12:17It's at seven sharp.
12:20Do you think you guys can watch without laughing?
12:23Are you kidding?
12:24This is going to be hilarious.
12:26Jonesy, you can't laugh, no matter how funny it is.
12:29Jen's right.
12:30Now, who has a good technique for not laughing?
12:32Okay, I clench my teeth together really tight, stare straight ahead, and count to ten.
12:38I just think of dead kittens.
12:40Ew!
12:40Ew!
12:41What?
12:41You're not laughing, are you?
12:43Hey, what smells so good?
12:45My newest creation.
12:47Who wants one?
12:52So what were those anyway?
12:54Colon blow bean burritos.
12:57Yeah, you might want to consider renaming them.
13:00Beans are really good for your digestive tract.
13:02Oh no, beans make me fart.
13:05Not me.
13:06Thanks to all those step classes I do, I've got the butt muscles of Baryshnikov.
13:13These are so itchy.
13:15Why don't you take yours off?
13:16I can't.
13:17I made this big fuss about how Charlie was staring at blondes, and now he thinks I dyed my hair
13:21for him.
13:22And he's...
13:23Okay, uh, can we get back on topic here?
13:25Wyatt, poetry, no laughing?
13:27Right.
13:28Pretend we're listening to poetry.
13:46You all look like constipated librarians.
13:50Well, we have to get it under control before tonight, or we're dead.
13:54Okay.
13:55One, two, three...
14:07Remember, do not make fun of anyone until we're at least 30 steps away.
14:11I don't care if you have to bite your tongues off.
14:14Do it for Wyatt!
14:16What is cool?
14:18That elusive, evasive, elastic entity.
14:21Fluid like the water, man.
14:23The water in the pool, man.
14:24I'd dive in, but I'd probably drown because my dad never taught me to swim, man.
14:30I leave you here with this.
14:34Who cares?
14:44Shock and awe.
14:46An ode to jungle combat.
14:48You think you can escape from reality.
14:51I am reality.
14:54Do what your told soldier or the machine breaks down.
14:59We break down.
15:02It all goes downhill, soldier.
15:06Run!
15:07Dank, dark, swampy prison.
15:12Beer is good.
15:14Smell that beer.
15:18Now, run, soldier, run!
15:21That didn't make me want to laugh.
15:24Okay.
15:25Uh, next up is Julie performing My Womanhood.
15:31I am woman.
15:37I prowl through the warm night, hunting the taste of your lips on my lips.
15:45Unleash my inner woman.
15:49Make me her.
15:54Powerful stuff.
15:56Now, please welcome our newest regular, Wyatt.
16:02Who said you could dump me like that?
16:04Who said you could treat me like that?
16:07Who do you think I am, woman?
16:09Now the mall no longer feels like home.
16:11Now your friend gives me half as much foam.
16:15Someday you'll pay the price.
16:17Someday your life won't seem so nice.
16:20Cause you're a taker, woman.
16:22You're a nasty taker.
16:41Wyatt, we are so sorry.
16:43Yeah, it was all Caitlyn's fault.
16:45Yeah.
16:45What happened, Baryshnikov?
16:47I thought you had buns of steel.
16:48Don't blame her.
16:50It was the bean burritos.
16:51Are you all through?
16:52Good.
16:53I don't want to hear anything any of you has to say.
16:57Uh-oh.
16:58You promised you wouldn't laugh.
17:01I tried, but I couldn't hold it in.
17:03I'm never going to be able to face those people again.
17:06I don't think it's your face they're worried about.
17:09It's all my fault.
17:10They said you couldn't put five different beans in one burrito.
17:14But I had to go and, like, push the envelope.
17:18Whoa there, bean girl.
17:19There might be a way for you to make it up to us.
17:21And to Wyatt.
17:26Hmm.
17:27Hello?
17:28We're in here.
17:31Hey, guys.
17:32What's up?
17:33We couldn't leave the store.
17:34I think you're taking this I love khaki barn thing a little too far.
17:38No, I mean, we can't leave.
17:40It's too humiliating.
17:41Don't look at us.
17:43We're hideous.
17:44Oh, wow.
17:46We must have overprocessed.
17:48You have to help us fix this.
17:50We'll do anything you want.
17:51Anything?
17:52Okay.
17:53I want the whole rest of the weekend off.
17:55Paid.
17:56Done.
17:56And I want you to say I'm the most stylish girl you've ever met.
18:01Fine.
18:03Okay, okay.
18:04You're the most stylish girl we've ever met.
18:07And you wish you were me.
18:09And we wish we were you.
18:11But sadly, we're just a couple of fashion sheep.
18:14But sadly, we're just a couple of fashion sheep.
18:17All right, then.
18:18Hang tight.
18:22Wicked wigs, Nikki.
18:24Thanks.
18:25We look so fetch.
18:29Okay, okay, poem for Wyatt.
18:31Let's focus.
18:32Right.
18:33Hey, Jen, what's with making your boyfriend pick up your chick stuff at the pharmacy?
18:37What are you talking about?
18:38Fashionable woman magazine and a box of tampons?
18:41Talk about turning him into a wuss.
18:43But I didn't...
18:44Jen, you're a brunette again.
18:45I suppose you're disappointed?
18:47No, I...
18:49At least I didn't cheat on you.
18:50I didn't cheat on you.
18:51Oh, yeah?
18:52Who were the fashionable woman magazine and tampons for, huh?
18:55My mom.
18:57Ew.
18:58Dude, that's even worse than your girlfriend making you get them.
19:01You told her what I bought?
19:02I thought you were cheating on her.
19:04So you're not cheating on me?
19:05No.
19:06Do you always jump to conclusions?
19:08Yeah.
19:09So, are we okay then?
19:11No, Jonesy.
19:12You broke the pharmaceutical oath?
19:14You're fired.
19:23Okay, are we ready?
19:25All set.
19:26Okay, you guys go get Wyatt.
19:28We'll be waiting at the rendezvous.
19:36We have a sick surprise for you.
19:40And if you don't come with us right now, I'm gonna kick your butt.
19:44Oh, for the love of Pamela Anderson, will you just get this over with?
19:48Wyatt, you forgive them.
19:49You guys, whatever.
19:50You seem sorry.
19:51Good enough for me.
19:52Everyone copacetic.
19:54Yes.
19:55Yes.
19:55Yes.
19:56Good.
19:57Now, buzz off.
20:03We're sorry we laughed.
20:05Caitlin's butt just had to blast.
20:08If you take us back as your friends,
20:10we'll never come to one of your poetry readings again.
20:18Nice try, guys.
20:21That was terrible, but I appreciate it.
20:24Thanks, guys.
20:24So you forgive us?
20:26Yeah, sure.
20:27Beep!
20:29Hey, you're the fart girl!
20:33Hey, you're the fart girl!
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