- 10 hours ago
Smarten Up
Caitlin lies about being in college to win the heart of a cute college boy, while Jude attempts to win a "Roll Up the Rim to Win"-style contest at Grind Me only to get a caffeine addiction.
Caitlin lies about being in college to win the heart of a cute college boy, while Jude attempts to win a "Roll Up the Rim to Win"-style contest at Grind Me only to get a caffeine addiction.
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TVTranscript
00:00Time's Less!
00:10Remind me why we're in a mall?
00:12Because our prof said we have to interview women from all walks of life.
00:16Fine.
00:17Whoa, check out the hottie in the lemon hat.
00:20This ought to be good.
00:23Hey.
00:24Hey!
00:29Hmm.
00:30I'm strangely reminded of the mating habits of the woodland baboon.
00:34We're journalist students at Brownstone College doing a thesis on...
00:37Uh, can we interview you?
00:39Sure!
00:40Great.
00:41And rolling.
00:43So, uh, um...
00:45Caitlin.
00:46Caitlin, uh, do you feel your job is colored by society's view of women?
00:50Yes!
00:51I would love to be viewed by the world in colors that don't have to match lemon yellow.
00:56But with my job, that's just not gonna happen.
01:00And cut!
01:01Wow.
01:02The way you used a lemon to symbolize women's burden was unbelievable!
01:06Yeah, I'll say.
01:07So, what's your major?
01:10Oh, well, I'm into major fashion, major shopping, and major retail.
01:14Uh-huh.
01:15You have such a great sense of humor.
01:17Uh, you at Brownstone?
01:19Uh...
01:20Yeah.
01:21Bye, Jen.
01:22Who's that?
01:24Oh.
01:24Uh, Jen and Nikki are my college girlfriends.
01:27We're college roommates living in our college dorm.
01:32Uh, so, maybe we could go for coffee sometime.
01:36I'd love to!
01:39See you on campus.
01:41Can you believe this?
01:43I have a date with a real-life college guy.
01:45You do know that Preppy thinks you're in college, don't you?
01:48Oh, I can pass for a college student?
01:50No problem.
01:52Why do I get the feeling you're in a speeding car heading right over a cliff?
01:56Mmm.
01:57Josh.
02:04Hey there, fellow freshmen!
02:11Nice!
02:12Kayla!
02:14You're...
02:15You're wearing jeans?
02:16Uh, how did you know how to put them on?
02:19My first date with my first college guy.
02:22I'm so mature.
02:25Love the blazer.
02:26Isn't it cute?
02:27It's tweed.
02:28I think I'm ready for it.
02:30Check out my piece de résistance.
02:36I got them at Four Eyes Supplies.
02:38Do they make me look serious?
02:42Seriously, demented.
02:44Sorry.
02:46But...
02:46I can't...
02:47Caitlin!
02:48Nikki, laugh all you want.
02:50But I know I can pull this off.
02:52Yeah, except I'm over here.
02:54Um, Caitlin, you might want to replace the lenses in those glasses so they're not prescription.
02:59No, no, I'm fine.
03:01I've got it all under control.
03:02As of today, I am totally mature.
03:05Oh!
03:06Hey!
03:06Ow!
03:07Ouch!
03:08Oh, boy.
03:11You guys are not going to believe the new slack job I got.
03:16You are looking at the next Mall Walker's Guide in the flesh.
03:19Dude, you're an escort for old dudes and dudettes?
03:24I prefer the word chaperone.
03:26When does it start?
03:26Already has.
03:28I'm working right now.
03:33I've got at least a half hour till the old guy catches up to me.
03:36Cool.
03:37Which will buy me a lot of spare time to hunt for hotties.
03:41Nice.
03:44Hey!
03:45There's a bottom of the cup contest on the bottom of my cup!
03:49Awesome!
03:51What does it say?
03:51Whoa!
03:53The winner gets a pair of jet skis and many more amazing prizes!
03:58Please try again.
04:00Don't mind if I do!
04:02Hey, that's...
04:04Mine.
04:06Uh.
04:08Ten coffees to go, please!
04:12Organometallic chemistry?
04:14Basic machine learning?
04:16I can't go to college without a proper curriculum.
04:20Here I am, world!
04:22Caitlin Cook.
04:23Freshman.
04:24You look perfect, Caitlin.
04:26Yeah, but what are you gonna talk to Josh about?
04:28How you can't wait until you're old enough to vote?
04:30Aliboyed politics.
04:31How your mom extended your curfew to ten o'clock?
04:34Actually, it's eleven.
04:36You have to talk about topical, newsworthy events that provoke stimulating conversation.
04:44Well, maybe after the first couple of dates, you'll be more comfortable and Josh will like you for who you
04:49are.
04:50Yes!
04:54Please!
04:55Make me college friendly!
04:57It's not like we can go on the date with you.
05:00That's it!
05:01I know how we can help you.
05:03Have you ever heard of the phrase, phoning it in?
05:07Well, Mrs. Bingham, how be I meet you at the end of this hall, say, in half an hour.
05:12You're my guide, which means you guide me, lazy loaf.
05:19Yeah, we don't need to get all serious about the job description, do we?
05:25Oh no, chick alert.
05:28This is embarrassing.
05:30Let go of me!
05:34Aw, that is so sweet!
05:37It is?
05:38You're spending time with your grandmother?
05:40How adorable!
05:41I am?
05:42Adorable?
05:43Uh, yeah, well, you know what they say.
05:47A garden of love grows in a grandmother's heart.
05:50Don't talk twaddle!
05:51You said you wanted to go off on your own!
05:55Granny, you know I was just going to get you some ginger for your tummy.
06:00Aw!
06:01We have to go now, Granny.
06:03Your bunions start expanding at this time of day.
06:05You don't know bunions!
06:07Oh!
06:08And you're not my grandson!
06:10Aw!
06:12Granny hasn't been herself since the accident.
06:15But I'll always be there for her.
06:18Aw!
06:18Here's my number.
06:24Ow!
06:25What do you think about a big screen TV?
06:27Do I look okay?
06:27Remember, it's not your looksies after, it's your brains.
06:31Yeah, right.
06:32You run into trouble, we'll text you what to say next.
06:35Nikki, you logged on to the internet okay?
06:37Check.
06:38Caitlin, is your phone on?
06:40Check.
06:41Okay then, let's test this baby out.
06:45Hello?
06:46Good.
06:46Now drop it in your pocket and see if I can still hear you.
06:49Try saying something mature.
06:51This is mission impossible.
06:55Hi, Josh.
06:56Loud and clear.
06:58Hey, Caitlin.
06:59Wow.
06:59You look great, Caitlin.
07:02Ready to go?
07:05Yes.
07:06I just returned from the student rally.
07:09Go team!
07:10Uh, great.
07:15Oops.
07:20Nothing.
07:27Hey.
07:27Ah!
07:29Don't do that, dude!
07:31You know, maybe you better slow down there, Jude.
07:34I gotta win, dude.
07:35The more I try, the better chance I have.
07:37Okay, I can't argue with that logic, but don't you think this is kind of extreme?
07:45Yes!
07:46Coffee break!
07:47I could use a coffee.
07:49Jude, wait up!
07:51You gotta stop!
07:55Wow, so you're saying you studied Renaissance art?
07:59Oh, uh, yeah.
08:01Renaissance art.
08:02Particularly the works of the late middle apes.
08:06I mean, ages.
08:07Oops.
08:08Sorry about the typo.
08:09Laugh out loud.
08:10Ah!
08:11She wasn't supposed to read that last part.
08:13He's gonna think she's a total loser.
08:15I don't know what you just said about monkey art, but that's what I like about you, Caitlin.
08:20You're so quirky.
08:25Uh, how long are we gonna have to keep this up?
08:28Quick!
08:28She just told Josh she went to a Stephen Hawking lecture.
08:31Stephen Hawking?
08:32I'm on it.
08:33Bye, dudes.
08:34Bye, dudes.
08:34She just needs to know who Stephen Hawking is.
08:38Whoa!
08:39A double-double half-pump mochaccino?
08:41Sweet!
08:45Hey!
08:49Oh, man!
08:50Bummer.
08:51I really needed that.
08:52What about my laptop?
08:57There you are.
08:58Jude, you gotta get yourself together, man.
09:02Please try again.
09:04Okay, dude.
09:05I said, okay.
09:07This laptop is seriously messed up.
09:09That's not the only thing.
09:10Hey, you know what I could go for right now?
09:12A coffee.
09:13Wait, Jude!
09:15Stop!
09:16You're paying for the repairs, Jude.
09:18Maybe I can help.
09:19Ugh!
09:20Ow!
09:21Oh, sorry.
09:23Are you okay?
09:24Not really.
09:25Stephen Hawking?
09:27Anyone?
09:28Oh, no.
09:29Caitlin.
09:30Ow!
09:30Ow!
09:32Forget about Stephen Hawking.
09:34It's you I'm interested in.
09:36Aw.
09:37Drink, Impia.
09:38Drink, Impia.
09:39Drink, Impia.
09:40Drink, Impia.
09:41No!
09:42You're losing it!
09:45Sorry, sir.
09:46Hey, careful, man.
09:47My grandfather has arthritis.
09:49You're so sweet.
09:54I had a great time tonight, Caitlin.
09:57Me too.
09:58I think we should take our relationship to the next level.
10:01Oh, I have a very strict policy about not kissing on the first date.
10:05Cool.
10:06What I meant was, I'd like to get to know your friends.
10:09You want to get to know my friends?
10:12Yeah, I just thought if...
10:16What was I talking about?
10:17Um, I think it was something about the Stephen Hawking lecture.
10:21No, weren't we talking about...
10:24Uh, who cares what we were talking about, right?
10:35Ow.
10:36Ow.
10:37Ah.
10:38Listen, you guys have to help me.
10:40Josh wants to meet you.
10:41I can't bend him off anymore.
10:43My lips are chafed.
10:45Okay.
10:45I have to hear this one.
10:47Josh wants to take the relationship to the next level.
10:49All right.
10:50Going for second base.
10:52No.
10:53To him, the next level means hanging with my friends.
10:56Yeah, I've done...
10:57What?
10:58Every time he brings it up, I kiss him, you know, to distract him.
11:02But it's not working anymore.
11:03How could that not work?
11:05Wait a sec.
11:06If meeting the friends is the next level, then I've gone there a couple times.
11:10Would that be considered second base?
11:11Hanging with the friends is not even on the base.
11:14I mean, you're not even in the stadium yet, buddy.
11:16You are still at home, digging in the couch, looking for bus fare to get to the stadium.
11:22I think we get it, Jonesy.
11:23Sheesh.
11:24Just a question.
11:26What's the big deal?
11:27So we hang with Josh.
11:28Well, if he meets you guys, he'll find out I'm not in college.
11:31Then we'll be through.
11:33So you want us to pretend to be college students?
11:35Please?
11:36Just this last favor.
11:38As a friend.
11:39This is heading to a very bad place.
11:48Nothing?
11:50Nope.
11:54Nada.
11:55Give it up, bro.
11:57They're calling my name, dude.
11:59Jude, just relax.
12:01Jude?
12:02There they go again.
12:04Shh.
12:04They're saying, Jude, drink me.
12:07Then check my bottom to see if I'm the winning cup.
12:10I'm sorry, Jude.
12:12Jude, I hate to do this, but I have no choice.
12:15Ow!
12:16Thanks.
12:17Ow!
12:18Thanks.
12:19Ow!
12:20Thanks.
12:23Ow!
12:23Thanks.
12:24Ow!
12:25Thanks.
12:25Thanks.
12:28No!
12:30What are you doing?
12:33Tough love.
12:34You're cut off.
12:35Okay, guys.
12:36Ready to get your college game on?
12:38As long as it's just this once, and then the horror will be over.
12:41Deal.
12:42Oh!
12:43Here they come.
12:46Everybody, this is Josh and Connor.
12:48Jen, Nikki, and Jonesy.
12:50Hey.
12:51Hey.
12:51So, you guys in first year with Caitlin?
12:54Uh-huh.
12:55So, what's your major?
12:56Oh, uh...
12:58She's in astrology.
13:00Astrology?
13:00Uh, don't you mean astronomy?
13:03Astrology, astronomy.
13:04Who cares about one little letter?
13:06The universe is so profound.
13:09I think it's really arrogant to put such restrictive titles on things.
13:13Hey, what happened to your hands?
13:15Oh, it happened in class.
13:17We were doing a...
13:18An archaeological dig.
13:19Don't you have shovels for that?
13:21We're seriously underfunded.
13:23Ah, I know what that's like.
13:25Isn't it cool the way we're all studying such interesting sub-
13:32Hey, we haven't met.
13:33I'm Josh.
13:34I'm in journalism.
13:35Jonesy, I'm really into the female anatomy.
13:38If you get my drift.
13:40You're a gynecology student?
13:41Uh, okay.
13:43One of my dorm buddies is specializing, too.
13:45So, you must be an intern.
13:47Uh, yeah.
13:48Hey, there's one of my patients now.
13:50Duty calls.
13:52That's your patient?
13:54I don't get it.
13:55Hey, who's the doctor around here?
13:58Well, we gotta get back to the dorm.
14:00We're electing a pizza steward today.
14:02Yeah.
14:03Oh, but hey.
14:03Maybe later on we could all meet for a flick.
14:05Sure.
14:06Sounds great.
14:12You said this was the last time.
14:17Oh, brother.
14:21Do you mind going a little faster?
14:22We have a date at the Gigantoplex in ten minutes.
14:25What do you do?
14:26Dude.
14:27Don't tell Wyatt.
14:28That coffee narc is on me like a hawk.
14:31Yeah!
14:33You're hardcore, dude.
14:34I wish I could get my mall walkers to jump like that.
14:37Hey, that's it.
14:39Jude, you can keep ordering your coffee.
14:41Yes!
14:42You just won't drink it.
14:45Why are you messing with my mind, dude?
14:47He drinks it.
14:49That way, you can still save the cups to try and win.
14:51And my rental grandpa's moving faster.
14:54You're a genius, Wyatt.
14:55Hey, wait up!
15:00Please try again.
15:05Everybody, this is my other college friend, Wyatt.
15:09Hey.
15:09Hey.
15:10Hi.
15:10I really want to see Bludgeon Co-Ed's 4.
15:13It's supposed to be brutal.
15:14But it's restricted.
15:16Aren't all the good movies?
15:17Of course they are.
15:19Good point.
15:20Bludgeon Co-Ed's 4?
15:21I've seen it.
15:22Not as gory as 2 and 3.
15:25Really?
15:25How did you see it?
15:26It's just opening tonight.
15:29Oh, well, my dad directed it, so he gave me an advanced screening.
15:33Your dad's Fang Yin-Li?
15:36Yes.
15:38Cool.
15:39How about flowers for my boyfriend instead?
15:41It's a romantic comedy.
15:43It's all good.
15:44Okay.
15:53That was such a sweet movie.
15:55Right.
15:56Like a guy would give up a trip around the world so he could bring flowers to his girlfriend.
16:01Sounds like he overcame a classic case of commitment phobia.
16:04You a psych major or something?
16:05How wild!
16:07He is!
16:08Aren't you, Wyatt?
16:09Yeah, I'm taking a course called...
16:15Addictions and the Tough Love Road to Recovery.
16:18Hey, you in Bartlett's class, too?
16:20Uh, yeah.
16:22Uh, what's wrong with your friend?
16:26Oh, don't draw attention to him.
16:28He's the subject for an assignment I'm working on.
16:33Man, you take those assignments seriously.
16:35I was just going to write an essay.
16:39So here I was, outside on the ledge of the 31st floor,
16:43both mother and her newborn triplets, healthy and happy.
16:47Wow!
16:48Isn't that amazing, Connor?
17:01That can't be good.
17:06I'm sure he's fine.
17:10Is he going to be all right?
17:12The paramedic said it's just over-exertion.
17:14He should be fine.
17:15Then I don't get why I got fired.
17:17I can't believe you lied to me and you took advantage of those nice elderly people.
17:22It's not my fault.
17:23How was I supposed to know we had a pacemaker?
17:26Ladies, you have to use the only language men understand.
17:37Drink and peel, drink and peel, drink and peel.
17:42Whoa, this is freakier than frosh week.
17:45Is there a doctor around here?
17:47A lady is stuck in the change room at the khaki bar.
17:50I think she's going to have a baby!
17:54That's okay.
17:56Jonesy here is a fifth-year gynecology student.
17:59But Jonesy's not-
18:01Jonesy's not the kind of doctor to shy away from this emergency.
18:03Are you, Jonesy?
18:04I'm really not up for it.
18:11Yeah, you'll do.
18:12Come on!
18:15What in the heck is that?
18:18Holy man!
18:22I don't believe this.
18:23Yeah, a live birth happening right there in the change room.
18:27There's something in there!
18:28No!
18:28These halter tops are two for $15.
18:49So, your friends are great.
18:51Really?
18:52Thanks.
18:53I think so.
18:55Caitlin, there's something I want to, uh...
18:56The answer is yes.
18:57Yes, I'll go to the college formal with you.
19:00I already bought a dress.
19:01I know, I know.
19:02I should have asked you what color you were wearing so we could coordinate.
19:05Does it have a return policy?
19:07Wow!
19:08You really take your color coordinating seriously!
19:11Not really.
19:12Then, why would you ask about the return policy?
19:16You're breaking up with me!
19:18I'm really sorry, Caitlin.
19:20I can't believe this!
19:22Why?
19:22Is it because of my friends?
19:25Actually, yeah.
19:26They're just too...
19:27Too...
19:28Too what?
19:29Serious.
19:30I mean, they're going on archaeological digs in Peru and delivering babies in submarines.
19:35I'm in college.
19:35I just want to have fun.
19:37But...
19:37So do I!
19:39Caitlin, it's okay that we're different.
19:41But...
19:41The thing is...
19:42I found someone else.
19:44I'm sorry, but we've got a lot more in common.
19:47Josh?
19:48There you are!
19:50Oh, sorry.
19:51I didn't mean to interrupt.
19:53Well, good luck getting your PhD, Caitlin.
19:55I'm sure you'll do great.
19:57See you on campus.
20:11I'm impressed, Jude.
20:13Seven days and no coffee.
20:14Yeah, I think I finally stopped shaking yesterday.
20:18You won, Jude!
20:19You won!
20:20I found your last coffee cup on the floor back there.
20:22It's a winner!
20:23No way!
20:24What did I win, dude?
20:26Free coffee for a year!
20:33I'll take that.
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