- 14 hours ago
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01:01Yeah, well, no, I mean, the clothes look good.
01:04Yeah, I mean, death looks good.
01:06Charles Manson, yeah?
01:07No, he was cool.
01:16I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I'm actually a vampire.
01:25Jesus, Chris, you really blew it with that vampire bollocks.
01:29It's not bollocks.
01:30All right, just don't.
01:32I'm trying to find us a flat.
01:37All right.
01:38Same again.
01:39Yeah, go on.
01:42Two black plagues, please, Barry.
01:45Two plagues, no bother.
01:48You're not a real vampire at all, are you?
01:50I mean, if you were, yeah, you'd be dead now, wouldn't you, in this daylight?
01:54You missed the point.
01:55Vampires are already dead, aren't they?
01:57They're the undead.
01:59Wait a minute.
01:59What do you mean?
02:00It's one or the other, dead or undead.
02:03You can't have it both ways.
02:04It's all a little bit too deep for you, isn't it, mate?
02:16Greetings.
02:31I swear to you, Grish, I've had just about enough of this.
02:34I mean, people are just so prejudiced.
02:36Come on, mate.
02:37Let's pretend you're Charles Manson's stalking potential victims.
02:41Manson was so cool, wasn't he?
03:09I have taken the name of Belfast.
03:12I'm Grishnek of Moor.
03:14Grishnek.
03:16Yeah, of Moor.
03:18Well, mate.
03:19Grishnek of Moor.
03:21Um, Tim.
03:24Tim?
03:25Tim, yeah.
03:30Honestly, Belfast, I can hardly believe her luck.
03:33I mean, it's just we've seen literally, um, how many?
03:36Uh, seven.
03:37Seven, yeah.
03:38Seven flouts today, and no one will give us the time of day.
03:41Because you're goths.
03:44More industrialists than goths, really.
03:46But essentially, yeah, I mean, people take one look at us and slam the door in our faces.
03:51Don't you worry, my friends.
03:52I know exactly what you're talking about.
03:55I've always been more of a goth than an industrialist.
03:58Although I have been taken for a futurist.
04:02Let's put it this way.
04:03I'm old enough to have gone down the original Batcave off of Carnaby Street.
04:07Cool, dear.
04:08We've heard of it.
04:09Yeah.
04:09Most of my contemporaries gave up, grew up, got married, got straight, got jobs, debts, kids.
04:16Not me.
04:16I live the life for real, every day.
04:22I hope you two aren't weekenders.
04:27Because I hate weekenders worse than straights.
04:30You don't need to worry about that.
04:32Look, that's what I'm all about.
04:35That and, well, death.
04:38Yeah, me too.
04:39No, I've got one as well.
04:52Well, the furnishing is to conventional taste.
04:56I inherited the property.
04:58The rental income allows me a certain freedom.
05:01I have to tell you, though, the last tenant skipped owing six months' rent.
05:06If I ever catch up with a bastard, I'll cut his legs off.
05:13Oh, seems ideal.
05:16Yeah, I mean, what's the catch, Belfast?
05:20I mean, you could get a couple of young, professional city types in there, no problem, I'm sure.
05:25I mean, it's great that you don't mind, but, you know...
05:29Seems too good to be true.
05:31Well, it's just...
05:33You know, I told you about the last bloke skipped out on his rent.
05:35Really makes my blood boil.
05:37He was a city boy trader of some kind.
05:39He looked the most respectable.
05:43So I thought I might risk a different approach this time.
05:47Well, you can trust us.
05:50And I may as well tell you now.
05:52You'll find out in the long run anyway.
05:57The mass murderer, Geoffrey Darmer, used to live here.
06:01Hideous, cannibalistic rituals, blood all over the walls.
06:04That's why it's hard to let.
06:08Bloody hell.
06:10Smile.
06:13And wasn't Geoffrey Darmer American?
06:17Yes.
06:18Confusing myself.
06:20Was Dennis Nielsen?
06:22Bodies all over the place.
06:25Didn't he live in Marswell Hill?
06:31Taking the piss, aren't you, Valfus?
06:33Well, you know, just, er, helping you make your minds up, really.
06:37What do you think?
06:39Can we redecorate at all?
06:40I'd love it if you did.
06:43Well, this is great, Valfus.
06:44Look, we won't let you down.
06:45Mind you don't.
06:46It's just great to meet someone who thinks the way we do, isn't it?
06:50As long as the rent gets paid in cash, we'll be the best of friends.
06:54In fact, why don't we celebrate?
06:56I cook a lovely curry, though I say so myself.
07:01I say goodbye.
07:08In the light of the fact, I'm alone as a devil, the sand stretched far away.
07:17In the heat of the action, we're in the settled dust, the bold, bold, and scream.
07:25In the meeting of mind, in hell, in the streets of shame.
07:29We're not betting on names on gold to rust.
07:34In the land of the blind.
07:39We can't.
07:40We can't.
07:41We can't.
07:46Er, Chris?
07:49It's for my bed.
07:51I'm gonna sleep on it.
07:52You are joking.
07:56Vampires sleep on dirt, don't they?
07:58Don't get on my case, because it's actually very comfortable.
08:01It's good for the back.
08:07Actually, Dracula slept on dirt from his own grave, not his own back garden.
08:35That's a job well done, mate.
08:37Our very own place, Grish.
08:39Yep.
08:41Tell you what, we need to have a party.
08:44Housewarming.
08:45Surely you mean a black mess.
08:47Or a seance.
08:49You invite those girls?
08:50Yeah.
08:51Yeah, only, um, lay off the vampire crap this time, yeah?
08:55It's not crap.
08:59Time for our reward, me thinks.
09:01Thanks.
09:19Grish.
09:20Grish.
09:21Hey.
09:22Grish.
09:25Fucking Elton, what are you doing?
09:27I nearly shat myself.
09:28Fine vampire you make, mate.
09:29Scared of the duck.
09:30I was in a deep sleep there.
09:31What do you want?
09:32Shh.
09:32Listen.
09:35Rats.
09:36You reckon?
09:38Definitely.
09:39Whole city's full of them.
09:41Bloody hell.
09:43I actually think it's quite cool.
09:44I like rats.
09:45Hmm.
09:46I like rats.
09:47Me too.
09:49Isn't that too loud for rats?
09:52Nah, it's, uh, it's a skunk, mate.
09:54Weed screws up your hearing.
09:57There's a smell.
10:00Yeah.
10:01It's probably a dead one down there.
10:03They're probably all eating it.
10:06You're all screwing it.
10:07Rat necrophilia.
10:09Yeah, cool.
10:12So, um, do you want me to stay here tonight,
10:15or, uh, Will Didham's be all right, aren't you, Jolt?
10:18Piss off.
10:19Okay.
10:44So, Balfour's must have been great down the original Batcave.
10:47Um, to be honest, there were a lot of part-time tourists in the end.
10:51I hate that kind.
10:52We're more devoted among us, set up our own events.
10:55We wanted more knowledge.
10:57We started to explore occult practices.
11:01Great, Corey.
11:02There's plenty more.
11:03No, no, I couldn't.
11:04So, yes, I developed an interest in the pagan deity,
11:08he with no name.
11:12How old do you think I am?
11:15Um, um, 29.
11:2139, actually.
11:24Wow.
11:26You look great.
11:27A lot younger.
11:29Years.
11:29Years younger.
11:31I maintain my vigour through ritual sacrifice to he with no name.
11:34Started with chickens.
11:36I have moved up.
11:37He with no name is a demanding master.
11:40Moved up?
11:41Yes, moved up.
11:43Up the food chain, as it were.
11:47Some of the larger beasts require special handling.
12:07Tastes like chicken.
12:09No, no, no.
12:09He said he moved up from chicken.
12:11Now, what's up from chicken?
12:12Dog?
12:12Cat?
12:13Tastes like chicken.
12:14Everything does.
12:15That's the problem, isn't it?
12:16We might have just eaten bloody Lassie in there for all we know.
12:19Oh.
12:20Oh, Jesus.
12:21Hang on, the wretch.
12:22No, come on.
12:22Calm down.
12:23If anything, it was goat.
12:24Goat.
12:26Yeah, I don't know.
12:28Goat's all right.
12:28I can live with goat.
12:29Right, it was goat.
12:36Yeah, well, uh, we'd go if you could come.
12:38You know, it's, uh, it's our own place.
12:40Pretty cool.
12:41Can we bring my boyfriend?
12:44Uh, yeah.
12:44No, no, of course.
12:45Yeah.
12:46Okay.
12:47See you then.
12:48Bye.
12:48See you.
12:49I'll see you.
12:54Party coroner?
12:57Right.
12:59You've had more done?
13:02Yeah.
13:04Your piercings are so cool.
13:05I'm going to have to get some done.
13:06Yeah, we've.
13:09I've had Sid done.
13:13There was this one guy, yeah, and, um, it shot himself in the mouth, yeah,
13:17and the whole top of his head was just gone, yeah,
13:21and all that was left was this massive grey matter
13:24and this one single eyeball just dangling there.
13:28Was he dead?
13:29Um, I didn't say, but my guess would be probably yes.
13:36Better off, Dad, once you got yourself in that state.
13:39Shall we walk?
13:41Yeah.
13:44And he hung himself with his own boot laces, yeah,
13:47and his tongue was, like, this huge, kind of swollen, blah, blah, blah!
13:51Evening.
13:54I haven't had my rent yet.
13:55Uh, yeah, yeah, sorry about that, Belfast, mate.
13:57Um, I rang my mum early on, actually.
13:59I left a message on her answer machine.
14:01It's just like I don't believe I have to do everything myself.
14:03He's mad.
14:03Yeah, I'll get on to it first thing.
14:05I've decided to trust you two if my trust turns out to be misplaced.
14:08No, no, no, honestly, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
14:10I need that cash.
14:11Be sure of one thing above all else.
14:13I will not be shafted a second time.
14:16Oh!
14:25I swear to you, Grish,
14:27I'm beginning to think Belfast is a bit weird.
14:30And you're not?
14:33No, but you know...
14:37I'm thinking of complaining to him about those rats.
14:40Actually, that noise, it's really beginning to get on my nerves.
14:49Just get some of Uncle Grishy's finest scentsy down here.
14:53You will feel no pain.
14:58I hope Sean and Bella come.
15:00I really like Sean.
15:34What?
15:35All right, mate. Nice night for it.
15:38What, you all goths, then?
15:40Industrialists, really?
15:41Yeah, yeah, sure and said, still.
15:43Bit like being at the Penguin House at the zoo, innit?
15:47Shut up, Dave.
15:54Bloody hell.
15:57What, you lot all die around pubes back as well, do you?
16:03Sorry, Tim, Dave might turn out to be a bit of a mistake.
16:06Nah, I wouldn't, you know, it takes all sorts.
16:10Where's the booze, Timbo?
16:11Um, they'll be in the kitchen. Help yourself.
16:14Excuse me.
16:19Sean, can I, um, can I show you something upstairs?
16:23Yeah, I'll come in a minute, on my own.
16:26Dave gets a bit jealous.
16:27Great.
16:43Tim?
16:49Tim?
16:53It's me, it's me.
16:54Christ, Tim!
16:56Sorry.
16:57Sorry, I didn't want, um, I didn't want Dave to see me, you know, in case he came up with
17:01you.
17:02It's all right.
17:06So, what did you want to show me?
17:09Yeah, right.
17:12I got these, er, earrings, er, as a flatwarming present to myself.
17:17Um, what do you reckon?
17:20Oh, they're great.
17:22But your ears aren't pierced, are they?
17:28Everyone!
17:29Everyone!
17:31Check it out.
17:32I'm about to have my very first piercings.
17:36Right here.
17:38Right here.
17:39Right now.
17:39The lovely Sean here, she's going to help me do it.
17:41Oh, yes.
17:42This is something I want to see.
17:43I'm about to have my own hands.
17:48I'm about to have my own hands.
17:49I'm about to have my own hands.
17:50I'm about to have my own hands.
17:52I'm about to have my own hands.
17:52I'm about to have my own hands.
17:52I'm about to have my own hands.
17:53I'm about to have my own hands.
17:54I'm about to have my own hands.
17:58I'm about to have my own hands.
18:01I'm about to have my own hands.
18:05I'm about to have my own hands.
18:09I'm about to have my own hands.
18:14It's tough. It's a gristle.
18:17Hurry up, please.
18:20Let me...
18:21Dave!
18:21Dave!
18:25Well, we're at it.
18:28Ah!
18:53See you later.
18:54See you later.
18:57It's a good one.
19:04Coroner, mate.
19:05What do you know about he with no name?
19:09Pagan god of youth or something.
19:12What are you worried about that for?
19:16Everyone's got their own approach.
19:18But most you sacrifice.
19:22Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm interested in.
19:25Depends what you're into.
19:27I mean, you're alright.
19:28What are you? 22?
19:3123.
19:31I said, you're alright.
19:35The odd chicken or something.
19:38And after chickens?
19:39Well, there's no ending, is there?
19:42You can go all the way to the top.
19:47The top?
19:48The big one.
19:50long pig.
19:54Human.
19:57Because it's all bollocks anyway.
20:00You'd have to be seriously nuts to go for it.
20:05Great party.
20:06You reckon?
20:07Yeah, great.
20:10Good gaff and all.
20:12Yeah, we still can't believe our luck.
20:15There's a smell though, isn't there?
20:18You noticed that?
20:19Yeah.
20:21Yeah, it's been getting worse.
20:23We reckon it's dead rats.
20:24You can hear them.
20:27Maybe you've got a body under the floorboards.
20:32Yeah, that'd be cool, wouldn't it?
20:36Oops.
20:38No.
20:39That reminds me, I forgot to take the rent round.
20:41Tim, he'll do his nut.
20:44No, no, it'll be alright. I'll do it tomorrow.
20:46Bloody hell, Tim.
20:48Our landlord Balthus is a bit of a psycho about the rent.
20:52He said the last bloke ran off without paying.
20:54Some city gent type.
20:56Cuff with these bastards.
21:04Uh-oh.
21:07Oh, shit.
21:10Now's your chance to find out about that body.
21:16Fuck it.
21:22Whoa, whoa. Grish, Grish.
21:23What?
21:25Well, what if he's right?
21:27About the rats.
21:29About the smell.
21:30What if Coroner's right?
21:31Can't be.
21:33Balthus isn't that loony.
21:35Grish, they are definitely eating something down there, those rats.
21:38Yeah, we haven't got much choice, Tim.
21:40The place is about to catch fire in case you haven't noticed.
21:52The place is closed for a while.
22:00Oh, my God.
22:03Oh, my God.
22:04Oh, my God!
22:10Oh, my God.
22:14Suits
22:16Shoes
22:17Sooty boy
22:17Yeah
22:19He couldn't be, could he?
22:22Could be
22:23I'm getting out of here
22:33If he's down there
22:35We'll be implicated
22:36I mean, we're goths, they'll think we did it with him
22:38You haven't paid the bloody rent
22:41OK, let's, er
22:42Let's just get out of here, yeah
22:43We'll go to my mum's
22:48Shit
22:50It's coroner, he's left his bag
22:53Er
22:55I'll do it
23:02All right, coroner
23:03All right, mate, hang on
23:10Brent
23:11I told you
23:12I warned you
23:16Belfast, I've got it
23:17It's all right
23:18It's all right
23:19I warned you
23:21I warned
23:22Do you think I'm some bloody sucker
23:24Do you like the last one, eh?
23:25I thought we were brothers
23:27It's all right, Belfast
23:27Really
23:31Here it is
23:32Just check
23:33It's from my mum
23:33My mum, Belfast
23:34Pleat
23:34I'll cash it first thing
23:35Too late, little goth boy
23:37You've got to go
23:37I'm no mug
23:38Not me
23:39You've had it now
23:40You and the other one
23:41I told you
23:42I'd slice your legs off
23:43Where is he?
23:45Who?
23:46Grish?
23:46Yeah
23:47Pish
24:07Grish, you bastard
24:09You idiot
24:10Jesus
24:13It was him
24:14To us
24:15Yeah
24:19There you go, Mr. Vampire Man
24:21Now's your chance
24:32There
24:33What'll happen me now?
24:35It's a great stop
24:38Stop
24:39Stop
24:57Is Michael around?
25:01Who?
25:01Michael Balf
25:06You're the police?
25:07No
25:08I'm the old tenant
25:10I bet he told you his name was Balfast, right?
25:12He looked like one of his gang
25:14Well, is he around?
25:16Michael Balfast, whatever he is these days
25:18Sort of, yes
25:21What do you mean, sort of?
25:23Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he's not around
25:26Sorry, I got confused
25:27That'll be at work, won't he?
25:28Uh, well, can I come in?
25:33My name's Dean
25:34I used to rent this place, I owe a bail for six months' rent
25:38Uh, yeah, yeah, he served
25:40So, obviously, I'm not too keen to bump into him, if you know what I mean
25:43You know, I had to be a bit light on my toes
25:44I was getting divorced
25:45And the wife was trying to get the shirt off my back
25:47Literally
25:49Sorry, sorry, when you said he'd be at work
25:52What did you mean?
25:53No, he sells insurance, didn't he?
25:55Hasn't he sold you any yet?
25:57Oh, boy, Michael is slipping
25:59He made salesman of the month once
26:01But I expect you only see him at weekends
26:03When he does his, uh, punk or goth or neuromantic thing
26:06Whatever it is you lot are
26:07Industrialists
26:07We're industrialists
26:09Yeah
26:10That
26:12So, so, um, he, he didn't sacrifice any animals, then
26:18Maybe he did
26:19Tough game, the insurance
26:25He really had you going, didn't he?
26:33I like what you're done with the place
26:35Colour scheme's a bit monotonous for my taste, though
26:39Um, life insurance
26:41You should lay off the blow, mate
26:42It dulls his senses, yes
26:44Life bloody insurance
26:46Anyway, I legged it before the wife's lawyer could do an inventory
26:50Of my assets
26:54Got any idea what I'm talking about?
26:56No
26:57Anyway
26:58Don't get married, is my advice
27:00The lawyer was going to go over this place with a fine-toothed comb
27:03So I slung as much stuff as I could in the car and towed it
27:05Could be in Timbuktu now, for all they know
27:08The rest of my stuff is hidden
27:10Here, in the flat
27:12Do you notice it?
27:15No
27:15Anyway
27:17I've come to
27:19Reclaim my assets
27:42Didn't you realise you had rats and mice or something?
27:45You should have got the counselling
27:47Pest control
27:50Ah, bloody hell
27:51These are completely bloody cars'
27:55Bloody ghosts
27:56Live like pigs
28:03What the bloody hell
28:17Baby, we are transformed
28:21With your daughters
28:25On the ground
28:28Oh
28:28I know
28:28Yeah
28:29Ooh
28:30Hey
28:30You should have been
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