- 1 day ago
مسلسل Life in Pieces مترجم - Episode 3
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00:13I'll turn off on your eyes.
00:15I'll be turning off on your eyes.
00:35Oh, your turn.
00:37No, it was my turn last time.
00:39Yeah, you're right.
00:42We'll both go.
00:44Meet me in the bottle with the nursery.
00:46I mean, meet me in the nursery with the bottle.
00:50Is she up?
00:56This is sausage.
01:07Honey!
01:08That's me.
01:09I'm honey.
01:11You forgot the bottle?
01:13No.
01:17Honey, this is the last diaper,
01:19and I could have sworn I bought more yesterday,
01:21but then, or maybe, did I dream that I bought more?
01:25I was voted most outgoing at Burning Man,
01:27and now I'm dreaming about buying diapers.
01:30Hey, will you be my best friend and go get some more?
01:33Now?
01:33Yeah, it's your turn.
01:34I went last time.
01:35Why are you keeping score?
01:37And I went last time.
01:39I know.
01:39I wrote it down.
01:40Are those my pajama shorts?
01:46What were they doing in my drawer?
01:48No, it's fine.
01:49I mean, they look better on you anyway.
01:52You should just keep them.
01:55Don't cry.
01:56Don't cry.
01:57I can't have both of you cry right now.
01:58No, no, no, no.
01:59Don't cry.
02:00Baby, don't cry.
02:01Am I crying right now?
02:02No, no, baby, no cry, okay?
02:03Daddy's gonna go into the mini-mart, all right?
02:05Yeah, okay.
02:06I'm gonna go to the mini-mart.
02:07Here, take this bottle.
02:08Will you get me a slushie?
02:09What?
02:09Will you get me a slushie?
02:11A slushie?
02:12Yes, I'll get you a slushie.
02:13Anything else?
02:15Diapers, dude.
02:16Diapers?
02:17Diapers, okay.
02:18I'm gonna give you your shorts back.
02:19I'm gonna go get diapers.
02:20I'm gonna go get a slushie.
02:21I'm gonna make everything better.
02:22And I promise I'm going to come back.
02:26Why would you say that?
02:48How long have those hot dogs been there?
02:50Oh, those aren't hot dogs.
02:52After six hours in the machine, we have to call them wizard fingers.
02:55I am so tired.
02:57Did you say wizard fingers?
02:58I did.
02:59Wizard fingers.
03:01It's like when a grape becomes a raisin,
03:03and after six more hours, we have to call them meat straws.
03:08I'll take two.
03:10Back up, give me some elbow, bro.
03:12Back up, give me some elbow, bro.
03:15Back up, give me some elbow, bro.
03:17Yo, the alpha.
03:18Omega, the greatest con...
03:31Do you know how fast you were going?
03:33I'm really sorry, officer.
03:35I'm in the middle of a diaper run.
03:36I was probably going much faster than I should have been.
03:39Fourteen.
03:40Fourteen what?
03:41Miles an hour.
03:42Wow.
03:42Because it felt like I was flying.
03:44License and registration?
03:46Uh, yeah.
03:50Uh, are you, um, sure, you know, maybe, I don't know, I'm just sort of thinking here,
03:58but, uh, maybe there's some other way that you want to deal with this situation?
04:08Are you handing this to me, or is this some kind of bribe?
04:11I don't know.
04:14Do you want it to be a bribe?
04:18So, you have any kids?
04:20Nope.
04:22You want kids?
04:24Nope.
04:26Do you have any hobbies?
04:29I like to.
04:30Organize people's closets on the weekends.
04:36Okay.
04:37Follow my finger with your eyes.
04:38Don't move your head.
04:40Don't move my head?
04:44I gotta be honest, as soon as you said that, I really want to move my head.
04:47Don't.
04:49I think I have to move my head.
04:51Don't.
04:52Do it.
04:52I'm gonna do it.
04:53Don't do it.
04:53I'm gonna move my head.
04:54Negatory.
04:55I'm gonna move it right now.
04:56Don't.
04:57Do it.
05:00Okay.
05:00I told you not to do it.
05:01I'm sorry.
05:02Is there something else I can do?
05:04Yeah.
05:11Check that.
05:11Check that.
05:13Check that.
05:16I'm gonna have to take you down to the station.
05:18What?
05:19No.
05:20No.
05:20No, no, no, no.
05:20There's no way that I failed that.
05:22I know you're on something.
05:24I want two hours sleep and one and a half meat raisins, okay?
05:27Look, I am begging you, all right?
05:29I live just right around the corner.
05:31Please, let me just get these diapers to my wife.
05:34And then, whatever you want.
05:36Whatever you want.
05:38There are no diapers in the car, Hot Legs.
05:44No.
05:46I got sidetracked by the wizard and I left it at this store.
05:50Wizard.
05:50Should I just go back to the car?
05:52Okay.
05:55You forgot the diapers.
05:57And you're being arrested.
05:58Well, technically not arrested.
06:00I'm just being brought in for a urine test.
06:02I cannot believe.
06:04You are getting a night away.
06:07It...
06:07I'm going to jail.
06:08This is not a night away.
06:11You know, you always get the breaks.
06:12When it's your turn to watch her, she sleeps.
06:14When it's your turn to feed her, she doesn't throw open your mouth.
06:16When it's your turn to go on a diaper run, you get arrested.
06:19When's it my turn?
06:20When's this...
06:21When's it...
06:21It's mommy's turn to catch a break, Greg.
06:26Greg.
06:28Oh, my God.
06:29Did you just fall asleep?
06:30Greg!
06:32Greg!
06:34Oh, man, you woke the baby.
06:40And, uh, I'll take four of those wizard fingers.
06:43You want one more?
06:44Make it a fist.
06:48Fist.
06:51Trust me.
06:57Okay.
07:00Hey, babe.
07:01Have you seen my Motley Crue t-shirt?
07:03You know, the one that used to scare Samantha when she was little?
07:05Okay, honey, not now.
07:06Karen Jackson is in charge of the school fair, and I have to get this e-mail to her within
07:10ten minutes or I'll be stuck at the petting zoo again, getting my crotch sniffed by every
07:14barnyard animal.
07:15There's a lot more humping going on there than you'd expect.
07:18That goat would take a run at anything.
07:19Mom, I'm hungry.
07:20Can you make me a peanut butter and jelly?
07:22Tim, honey, can you make her a sandwich, please?
07:24No.
07:24Daddy doesn't make them right.
07:26How do you make a peanut butter and jelly wrong?
07:27You leave the crust on like I'm some kind of animal.
07:30It's not too late to return you.
07:32Okay, you know what?
07:32I'll make you one later.
07:33Just have an apple.
07:35Fine.
07:35But, you know, an apple is the lazy mother's snack.
07:38Mom, can you sign these permissions up?
07:41It's for an overnight trip to Joshua Tree.
07:43Who's chaperoning?
07:44Kylie's mom.
07:44Uh, no.
07:45Is it because she did porn?
07:48It wasn't, but it is now.
07:50Kylie's mom needs help.
07:51I'll help Kylie's mom.
07:51You know what?
07:52We're good.
07:53I'll text your teacher and see who else is chaperoning.
07:55Hey, Mom, can I borrow the car?
07:57Gabe and I are going to go see a movie.
07:58Which movie?
07:59It doesn't matter.
08:00I'm 17.
08:00I can see what I want.
08:03Minions.
08:04If you can find the keys, you can take the car.
08:07Okay, uh, Tina's mom is also chaperoning.
08:11Who the hell is Tina?
08:12You know, dark hair, his glasses, good at archery.
08:18Wheelchair.
08:20Oh, Tina, the one with great arms.
08:22Yes, I will sign this for you.
08:24Is there a general area it might be?
08:26Because this is just tampons and mouthwash.
08:28Sweetie, I don't know.
08:29I've got to get this email out.
08:30Good luck.
08:31Why was my crew shirt in the Goodwill bag?
08:35I don't know, honey.
08:37I mean, I guess I must have put it in there accidentally.
08:41Oh, all right.
08:42I'm going to check and make sure you didn't accidentally throw out anything else valuable.
08:46They're retiring, you know.
08:47They're not going to be a band anymore.
08:49Home sweet home my ass.
08:50I'm still hungry.
08:52The apple just made it worse.
08:54Who is that?
08:54We don't have any friends.
08:56Hi, I was wondering if you and your family had five minutes to talk about the dangers of factory farms.
09:00I'm really busy.
09:01It'll just take five minutes.
09:03Could you stretch that out to ten?
09:05Oh, I got a whole hour of material.
09:07Come on in, sister.
09:07Let's go.
09:08Really?
09:08This never happens.
09:09Okay, for the next ten minutes, you three are going to sit here quietly and listen to...
09:15Calliope.
09:17Calliope.
09:18Did you choose that name?
09:20Yes, I got to on my 18th birthday.
09:22That's lovely.
09:24I'm going to send one email, okay?
09:27The only reason that you have permission to call my name is if one of you is bleeding, okay?
09:32I'm talking a lot of blood.
09:35I'm talking like it will affect the resale of this house.
09:39You understand?
09:40Look at me.
09:41You understand?
09:42Okay.
09:43Calliope.
09:44You go ahead.
09:47So, speaking of bleeding, have you guys ever lived in a cage where you can't turn around?
09:52I once got trapped in a Murphy bed.
09:54I share a Murphy bed with a guy named Kevin.
09:57He's a homeless youth.
09:59And while I will miss the friendly farm animals, I feel that this year my time would best be spent
10:06bringing plastic forks.
10:09Send.
10:10Air, network not found.
10:12Tim, Tim, why?
10:12Why is the network not found?
10:14Maybe you gave it to Goodwill.
10:15Oh, I'm walking over to Mom and Dad's.
10:18Seriously, Heather, my Capri pants?
10:20I got these in Germany.
10:22Mom?
10:24Mom?
10:25I need your Wi-Fi password.
10:26Honey, I have to finish this book before the book club gets here.
10:30No, I have two minutes to send this email.
10:32I just need the Wi-Fi code.
10:33John, what's the password to the computer?
10:35Yeah, the Wi-Fi?
10:36Seven.
10:38Dad, it's not seven.
10:40No, I believe it's seven.
10:41Oh, shit.
10:42What'd you do with those macadamia nuts?
10:44Honey, they're for the book club.
10:45Why only for the book club?
10:46They're very expensive nuts.
10:48Mom, I don't have macadamia nuts.
10:49Those are very expensive.
10:50Mom, Mom, can you make me a vegan snack?
10:53Vegan?
10:53We're vegan now.
10:54Well, you know what vegan is?
10:55No more grilled cheese?
10:57Okay, I'm not a vegan.
10:58Mom, Mom, can I have a grilled cheese?
11:00Grilled cheese does sound really good right now.
11:02Mom, Mom making her famous grilled cheese?
11:04No, there's no bread left.
11:05I'd like nine pieces of toast for breakfast and, you know, the macadamia nuts.
11:08Damn it, Matt.
11:09Mom, Mom, can I borrow the car?
11:10Too late.
11:11Matt ate it.
11:12No, actually, I left it at a bar last night.
11:14At least I think that was a bar.
11:16You went to a bar last night?
11:18Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
11:19Give me some.
11:20Come on, come on, come on.
11:21Connect, connect, connect, connect, connect.
11:22Oh, what do you know?
11:23It is seven.
11:24Hey, you just got a text from Karen Jackson.
11:28Petting zoo.
11:28Oh, no, no, why?
11:32I was so close.
11:33I did everything right.
11:35It's all right.
11:35I wrote back new phone, who dis?
11:37So technically, she hasn't assigned you anything.
11:40Go ahead.
11:41Send your email.
11:43I'm going to rip those capri pants right off of your body because you are my new hero.
11:47Well, why don't you remember that next time you want to put something I love into goodwill?
11:51You're right.
11:52I'm sorry.
11:53It's okay.
11:54Every rose has its thorn.
11:59Hey, welcome aboard, Colleen.
12:01You know, we just throw our keys in a bowl and let fate decide.
12:10Oh, man.
12:11All right.
12:12They got us sitting in the middle.
12:13You sure you don't want to run?
12:14Okay, no, I'm cool.
12:15I got this.
12:15I used to do pageants.
12:16When I got a smile big and tight in my ass.
12:18Nice.
12:19Tell me what I need to know.
12:20Okay.
12:21Winning over mom and dad is the only thing that matters.
12:23You start to panic, you just ask my brother Greg or his wife Jen about their
12:25baby.
12:26They will talk for 45 minutes.
12:27Tether and Tim are going to be easy, okay, because they need couples, friends.
12:30Tim tends to scare people off by making bad swinger jokes.
12:33And the kids?
12:33Kids are great, but they're a little bit like coyotes.
12:35You know, you see one, it's cute, but suddenly there's three of them and you realize that they
12:39come down out of the hills for food.
12:40Okay.
12:41Yeah.
12:41You and me, let's do this.
12:42All right.
12:43You ready?
12:43I am.
12:44Here we go.
12:45Hey, everybody.
12:46Oh, this is such a nice place.
12:48Yeah, I've been bringing the family here for years like our second home.
12:51Hey, welcome aboard, Colleen.
12:52You know, we just throw our keys in a bowl and let fate decide.
12:55There it is.
12:56Daddy, can I put my key in the bowl?
12:59No, sweetie.
13:01You can't even drive yet.
13:04Can I start anybody off with a cocktail?
13:07I'll take the usual.
13:09A beer?
13:12Oh, I've got these inside jokes with all of them.
13:16I don't, I don't know what you...
13:17Colleen, it's just so lovely to have you here.
13:21It's really, it's just so lovely.
13:24Oh, really cute.
13:26I feel very lucky.
13:27My mom went over the top on you.
13:29You don't understand.
13:30That's huge.
13:31Her skin was so soft.
13:32I wish I had slippers made out of her.
13:34Okay, nice job on the over the top.
13:36Right?
13:37I mean, she hasn't done that since she met Springsteen.
13:39It wasn't really Springsteen.
13:40It turned out to be a lesbian and in a denim jacket, but she was still really excited.
13:44I hear you, Jen, but I just don't think you can say you've read a book if you've only
13:48listened to the audio version.
13:50I agree with...
13:51Don't ever get in the middle of an argument between Jen and mom that starts with, I hear
13:55you.
13:56The subtext is always, I'm the one who loves Greg more.
14:04You're good.
14:05You're not that hungry.
14:06Do you want fruit?
14:07Sure.
14:11Oh, just stop joking around, will you?
14:16La Famille Short.
14:18Bonjour tout le monde.
14:19Bonjour.
14:20Ça va?
14:20Everything is good?
14:21Everything is wonderful.
14:23Tout est merveilleux, j'aime pas tic, il y a l'amant, la pâtisserie.
14:26Oh, listen to her.
14:28Tu parles français et tu es ravissante.
14:30Oh, merci, mais ton emmène est bien meilleure.
14:32Tu es still going?
14:35Mangez tout le monde.
14:39You're doing great.
14:40I have never seen them be this nice to anybody, and Greg dated this girl that was like 75%
14:45birthmark.
14:45What?
14:46Yeah.
14:47Keep it up.
14:48Okay.
14:49Hey.
14:50You want to hear a joke?
14:51Okay.
14:51What's brown and sticky?
14:52I have no idea.
14:54A stick.
14:54Sophia, don't weird her out.
14:56Oh, no, it's fine.
14:57Just think of me like a friend.
14:58Seriously?
14:59Yeah.
14:59Like a friend that might buy something for another friend that he can't buy himself?
15:04Um...
15:05That's not cool, Tyler.
15:07Can you buy me a thong?
15:11Oh, there's my Mai Tai.
15:15Mai Tai.
15:17You guys, I just have to say, you have made me feel so welcome.
15:23If you want to come back to our place, we're bubbling up some fondue.
15:26It never gets old.
15:28Oh, honey.
15:28I like you, Colleen.
15:30You're so much more pleasant than Matt's first wife.
15:33Oh?
15:34Yeah.
15:34Yeah.
15:35Oh, she was just the worst.
15:37Your first wife?
15:43I mean, I've had such a good time today.
15:49Oh!
15:50Oh, my God!
15:52Oh, my God!
15:55The extra point makes it 28 to nothing.
15:58Patriots.
15:59St. Louis looks troubled.
16:01No!
16:02Is it possible to turn the sofa to face the television?
16:05Oh, no, there's an outlet there we haven't baby-proofed yet.
16:08I don't want to watch the Rams lose out of my peripheral vision.
16:11You can just move your head, Dad.
16:12You can just move your couch.
16:13Hey, babe.
16:14Tree guy's coming on Tuesday.
16:16Shh!
16:16Your mother does realize this is our house, right?
16:19Tree guy?
16:20Yeah, what's wrong with your tree?
16:21Oh, bark beetles.
16:21You gotta chop him down.
16:22Oh, no.
16:23And you called the tree guy?
16:24No, I texted him.
16:25First of all, a tree is not cut.
16:27It's fell.
16:28And you don't just text a guy.
16:30I give you that sawzall for your birthday.
16:32Go get it.
16:33Oh, yeah.
16:34Yeah, we exchanged that, um, for that espresso machine.
16:39Well, not that espresso machine.
16:41That's a new one.
16:42It came with the remote control.
16:44Oh, cool.
16:44Yeah, but we lost it.
16:45Oh, we...
16:46I haven't been as disappointed since you wanted that magician doll last Christmas.
16:52It's a Darth Vader action figure.
16:54It had a cape and a magic wand and...
16:57It's a lightsaber, Dad.
17:01Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
17:03Hey, we brought that beer!
17:06Shut up!
17:07Oh, the Rams are losing, huh?
17:09Ray's boy.
17:10Who can't do anything?
17:17Can't believe I've never tried espresso before.
17:19It smells so good.
17:20It's rich and foamy.
17:24You just have the one bathroom, right?
17:26Yeah.
17:28Should we go help Dad, or should we have another espresso?
17:30If I can find the remote, we can do both.
17:34Heather, can you come here, please?
17:39This used to be a do-it-yourself country.
17:41Generation app.
17:42That's what you boys are.
17:43Hey, you want to see an app?
17:46Here's an app.
17:48You use it when you can't find your nuts.
17:56How'd that feel?
17:57It hurt.
17:57So do tattoos, but you still got that stupid dolphin on your hip.
18:01The most intelligent creatures of the sea.
18:04There you go, flipper.
18:07You want me to take Lark?
18:09No!
18:10They made a first down since I've been holding her.
18:12You've been holding her for an hour.
18:13Boy, that was...
18:15Just over nine minutes to go.
18:21Hey, man, let me rock that.
18:23Get in on that.
18:26Whoa!
18:28Hell yes.
18:29I thought I broke it.
18:30Hey, guys, I have to run home and get Tim a clean pair of pants.
18:33So...
18:34And shoes.
18:35Um, anybody need anything?
18:38Oh, I-I got a chainsaw in my shed.
18:40Yeah, that chainsaw!
18:42Okay, and, uh, is it okay with you if Tim uses your shower?
18:46Because he's already in it.
18:47So, just...
18:50Okay.
18:51All right, boys, let's do this.
19:01We're all the good men gone, and where are all the gods?
19:07Where's the streetwise hurt the least to fight the rising odds?
19:14Wrestling on the thunder and the rising will for him.
19:20It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet.
19:26I need a hero.
19:28I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night.
19:32He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast, but he's gotta be pressed on the fight.
19:39I need a hero.
19:41I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light.
19:45He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be soon and he's gotta be larger than life.
19:52I need a hero.
19:54I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light.
19:58He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be strong and he's gotta be strong and he's gotta be loved till
20:03the night.
20:04I need a hero.
20:10I would've helped you guys, but I had to save these hands.
20:13Got a bunch of surgeries this week.
20:15Also, full disclosure, I had some tummy trouble today.
20:20Yeah, well, good work out there today, boys.
20:23Feels good to do something yourself, doesn't it?
20:25Hey, uh, meatball me.
20:27Yeah, it didn't feel good.
20:29I mean, you know, I feel just terrible, but it felt good.
20:33Oh, you boys left it all out there on the field.
20:36Honey, you got a little something there.
20:37Yep, me and my boys.
20:39Heather, too.
20:41She's here.
20:42Oh, I gotta admit, I was fine.
20:44I've never chopped down a tree before.
20:46You still haven't.
20:49Tree guy is coming on Tuesday, and your chiropractor appointment is for Wednesday.
20:54I hear you all.
20:56I hear you all.
20:57I hear you all.
20:57I hear you all.
21:21I'm going for anybody.
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