- 1 day ago
مسلسل Life in Pieces مترجم - Episode 1
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00:09I can't believe we finally went out.
00:11I mean, work is going to be so weird now.
00:13Yeah, I don't care.
00:18You want to come up?
00:20Oh, yeah.
00:21Yeah.
00:21Yeah, I do.
00:22Let's go.
00:23Yes.
00:23Right this way.
00:28Who's he?
00:30Oh, Chad, this is Matt.
00:33Matt, this is my ex-fiancé, Chad.
00:38Oh, hey, cool.
00:40Yeah, cool.
00:42Yeah, all right, well, I can leave.
00:46Oh, no, no, no, don't worry.
00:47Don't, no, no, no, I told him this was happening.
00:50Okay.
00:50I should have told you to, but then you wouldn't have come up, and I really wanted you to.
00:55I'm going to get us some drinks.
00:56Okay?
00:57Yeah.
00:58Would you mind giving us some privacy, please, Chad?
01:06Okay, looks like I've got wine or wine, and I also have wine.
01:09Yeah, beer sounds good.
01:10Wine it is.
01:11Wow, you guys already got a banter.
01:14I like that.
01:15It's real cute.
01:16You guys clearly get each other.
01:17I'm sorry, man.
01:17I didn't know that you were going to be here.
01:19Um, what are you doing here?
01:21What am I doing here?
01:22I live here.
01:23This is my place, brah.
01:24Uh, what are you doing here?
01:25Well, you know, Colleen invited me.
01:27You know that's my fiancée, right?
01:30I think the wedding is off.
01:32Mmm, not to us, it's not.
01:34Not to Princess and I.
01:35Maybe to her, not to us, okay?
01:38So it's half on.
01:39Hey, found a beer.
01:41Is that my beer?
01:42What are you still doing here, Chad?
01:44Get in your room.
01:45Get in your room.
01:45That's my beer, though.
01:46Yeah, just go take Princess for a walk, please.
01:47Yeah, she's not in the mood.
01:48She's too upset by the situation.
01:50Oh, my God.
01:50You drink that, I'm gonna kill you.
01:53What are you doing?
01:53Why are you talking like that?
01:54That's how I talk now.
01:55I'm sorry.
01:56He's harmless, really.
01:58He went to Vassar.
01:59Oh.
02:00So, um, why is he still here?
02:03Um, we bought this place together.
02:05Right.
02:06And because of his IRS troubles,
02:07he can't afford to leave.
02:09And I can't afford to buy him out.
02:10So, you know, it's a few kinks.
02:12We're working out.
02:14Weren't we doing something sexy?
02:15Yeah.
02:20Are you sure that it's okay to be doing this here?
02:23You mean Chad?
02:23Yeah, he can't hear anything in here.
02:25Okay, but, you know,
02:26he's looking at us and he's crying.
02:31Want to go to your place?
02:32I'll try.
02:32Okay.
02:33This is, like, so fancy.
02:35You really buried the lead on this one.
02:38Are you, like, a trust fund baby?
02:40Uh, no, it's not like that.
02:41Hey, can I get you something to drink?
02:42I think we have wine and wine.
02:44Yeah, Matt.
02:45Matt, come here.
02:46You've got to see this.
02:47It's that Steven Seagal movie I love.
02:49Not the one where he kills everybody to save the trees,
02:51but the one where he dislocates all their shoulders.
02:55Oh, hello.
02:57Honey, Matt has a friend here.
02:59Pause the TV.
03:01Honey, just pause it.
03:03I'm trying.
03:04Yeah, just pause it, sweetheart.
03:05How many remotes do we need?
03:07Can you just pause it?
03:07Whatever happened to Nobbs?
03:09I just can't find the...
03:11Pause it.
03:11Ah!
03:12Oh, pause it!
03:16Oh.
03:18I thought you guys were going to be at the Kaufman bar mitzvah.
03:21Oh, they had to shut the party down early
03:23because little Joshy got overwhelmed by the hypnotist
03:26and spent the whole time in the corner crying.
03:29Oh, no!
03:30Oh, you're adorable.
03:32Would you like a scoop of vanilla ice cream?
03:35I have a scoop every night.
03:44Drive you home?
03:50This is so hot.
03:52All we need was our own space.
03:54Oh, God.
03:57You hookers never learn.
03:59Get out the car.
04:06Remember to breathe, Jen.
04:09You can do this.
04:10Bear down now.
04:11Here you go.
04:13Good job.
04:13Give me a really good push.
04:14A really good one.
04:16You can.
04:16You can do it.
04:16You can do it, sweetie.
04:17You can.
04:17You got it.
04:18You got it.
04:19You can do it.
04:21There you go.
04:22Oh!
04:22I see the baby's head!
04:24Oh, no!
04:26Did I poop on the table?
04:28Oh, my God.
04:29I did, didn't I?
04:30Was it a lot?
04:32Say something!
04:33Don't worry, hon.
04:34I've seen a whole lot worse than that.
04:36It gets worse than that.
04:38Mm-hmm.
04:41All right, Daddy crushed this swaddle.
04:44She's not getting out of this thing till high school.
04:48Oh, our little baby burrito.
04:52Knock, knock.
04:54How are you feeling this morning?
04:56Well, that couch did a number on my neck.
04:59Well, I've written a prescription for the pain, and I'm going to give you a bunch of these
05:03latex gloves.
05:04Your job is to fill them with water and keep them in the freezer, take a frozen glove, and
05:08insert a finger for relief.
05:10Oh.
05:11Let the fun begin.
05:13I'll see you guys in six weeks, and of course, no sex until then.
05:16I'm sorry.
05:17Did we know that?
05:18Oh, slow down.
05:20That tunnel is under construction.
05:22Which reminds me, until I see you, do not, no matter what, under any circumstances, for
05:29any reason, ever, look down there.
05:33Okay.
05:34You're going to want to.
05:35Well, I'm not.
05:36Not anymore.
05:36Promise me.
05:37Okay, I promise.
05:37I swear to God.
05:38This is supposed to be a happy time.
05:40It is.
05:41Oh, congratulations.
05:47I'm so happy.
05:49It's incredible.
05:50How is the hospital letting us leave?
05:53I don't know.
05:55I mean, they should lose their license.
05:57I never even held a baby until yesterday.
06:02Slow down.
06:05Slow down.
06:09Piece 36.
06:12Where the hell is piece 36?
06:15Why is there a piece 36?
06:17What?
06:19Ow.
06:20What is it?
06:21What?
06:23She's fine.
06:24She's totally fine.
06:25What's the problem?
06:26I don't...
06:29Oh, God.
06:31No, no.
06:32You looked.
06:33Yeah, I looked.
06:35I looked down there.
06:36Why would you do that?
06:37Why didn't you wait the six weeks?
06:39I couldn't do it.
06:40I mean, if someone hands you a box and says there's something super crazy inside, but you're
06:44not allowed to look in it, of course you're going to look in it.
06:47I looked in my box.
06:48Oh, sweet.
06:49Come here.
06:50Come here.
06:50Come here.
06:51It's okay.
06:51Oh, God.
06:53It was that bad, huh?
06:56Do you remember when the predator took off his mask?
07:00I mean, I don't know if we can ever have sex again.
07:03Like, ever.
07:07Okay.
07:08It's okay.
07:09So, uh, so we won't.
07:11Okay.
07:11She's worth it, right?
07:13I mean, look at her.
07:17Ever?
07:18Oh, God.
07:18I'm in so much pain.
07:19You know what?
07:20Hey, let's get the glove.
07:21The glove?
07:22Go get the glove.
07:22The glove, yes.
07:23Go get the glove.
07:24We can do this.
07:24We can save your vagina.
07:27Hurry before it's too late.
07:28Okay.
07:30Taking me a little longer than I anticipated.
07:36Here you go, sweetie.
07:37What?
07:38Don't give it to me.
07:39I can't go back down there.
07:40You do it.
07:40Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
07:42Honey, please.
07:43I feel like I've done a lot for us recently.
07:45I need you to do this for me.
07:48Okay, fine.
07:49For you.
07:53This is really weird.
07:55Fine.
07:55Just cut me off at the waist and put me on one of those skateboards.
07:58Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
07:59I'll do it.
08:00I'll do it.
08:00Okay.
08:01Well, where are you going with that thing?
08:03Well, I don't know.
08:04I can't see where I'm going.
08:05You're not looking?
08:06No, I'm not looking.
08:06I don't want to look at the predators down there.
08:09Okay, north.
08:09Okay, okay.
08:11Yeah?
08:16Yeah.
08:17Yeah?
08:18Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:20Mommy likes that.
08:22Ahoy, Captain.
08:27What has happened to our relationship?
08:46You're first college visit.
08:49Isn't this exciting?
08:51Uh-huh.
08:52Yeah.
08:54College, buddy.
08:55Where are you going?
08:55This is where it all happens.
08:57Anything you want to ask me?
09:00Nope.
09:01I think I'm good, Dad.
09:02Are you sure?
09:03Because your sister tells me you're a virgin.
09:05What?
09:06She doesn't know.
09:06It's okay.
09:08I didn't lose my virginity until college.
09:11I thought I lost it in high school, but that was disqualified.
09:15How does it get disqualified?
09:17We were on this couch at Uncle Dave's beach house.
09:19Oh, I don't think I want to hear this story.
09:21It's time I told someone, and I want that someone to be you.
09:24So...
09:24It doesn't have to be me.
09:25We're on this couch, right?
09:26And it starts, and it is amazing.
09:30I mean, we were both really into it, right?
09:32And she looks me right in the eye, and you know what she says to me?
09:35Never tell this to your son?
09:37What?
09:37No.
09:38She says, okay, let's do it.
09:41And I'm like, what?
09:42What are you talking about?
09:43We just did it.
09:44And then I realized, I was never with her.
09:49I was with the...
09:53You were with the what?
09:55You know that space between the two cushions of a couch?
10:01You lost your virginity to a couch?
10:04It only occurred to me when I looked down and saw a lint ball and a nickel stuck to the
10:07end of my penis.
10:10I can't believe you're a doctor.
10:12Yes, well, speaking of which, you make sure you wrap that rascal.
10:16The clap is back!
10:20Don't worry.
10:21I'll take good care of Tyler.
10:22We're going to spend some time in the library, grab a healthy meal, followed by a prayer meeting, and then
10:26straight to Sleepsville.
10:28All right, honey, just promise me you're going to make good choices.
10:31I will.
10:31Okay?
10:32Oh, you know what?
10:33You have a little...
10:33Mom?
10:34Right here.
10:34Mom?
10:35It's okay.
10:35I got it.
10:35It's gone now.
10:36Gone.
10:36Okay.
10:37Made you a sandwich.
10:39Mom, are you kidding?
10:40No, it's for you.
10:41Just stick it in your pocket.
10:41I don't want it.
10:42I don't care if you eat it.
10:43I just want you to take it with you.
10:45Just take the sandwich so we can all get on with our lives.
10:47Mom, there are Crayola berries in it, and I want you to have it in case you need a snack.
10:51Okay.
10:52Mm-hmm.
10:54I love you!
10:57I wish your mom would shove her sandwich in my pants.
11:00Let's talk party options for the night.
11:04So he didn't want the sandwich.
11:06I would have eaten it.
11:07No, it's not the sandwich.
11:08It's just Tyler is applying to colleges.
11:12I feel like it was just yesterday.
11:14He was in diapers.
11:15God, he was so cute.
11:17Do you remember how we used to call berries babies?
11:20Like, straw babies and rasp babies.
11:23And black babies.
11:24Screaming for him at the restaurant.
11:26Eat black babies!
11:27Eat black babies!
11:30Made that trip to Jamaica.
11:31One for the record books.
11:36I can't believe you would tell her he isn't real.
11:39She did it on purpose.
11:42You asked.
11:42What am I supposed to do, lie?
11:44Yes!
11:44Billions of people lie about it every year!
11:47Well, you told me to do a lie!
11:48Go to your room.
11:49I don't have room.
11:50We're in a hotel.
11:51Go to the bathroom.
11:53But I don't have to go.
11:55Go into the bathroom.
11:56Now!
11:57Are you kidding me?
12:05So, it's this giant conspiracy that everyone isn't on but me?
12:09The fact that you know the word conspiracy makes me think maybe you were ready for the truth.
12:15What else has this entire family been lying about?
12:19Like, is the...
12:20Made up.
12:21What about the two...
12:22Made up.
12:23All made up.
12:24Everything.
12:25Even God?
12:29That's real.
12:32Up is down and down is up for me right now.
12:35I need some time alone.
12:36Okay.
12:37I think the closet is still available.
12:39You're welcome.
12:41And you have some serious trust to rebuild here.
12:44How could she be so smart and not have figured it out yet?
12:47Because, Tim, she is a sweet, innocent child.
12:50Or she was our last baby.
12:53I mean, first Tyler and now this.
12:55I just don't know how much more I can take.
12:59Mom, I think I got my period.
13:02Oh, my God.
13:04Congratulations.
13:06What do you mean you don't know how to get ice?
13:08You just push the giant button that says ice.
13:10It's ice.
13:10Oh, wait.
13:12Mmm.
13:13Oh, I want to have another baby.
13:15What, here?
13:16Hurry up.
13:17Let's do it now before the kids wake up and then they wonder where we are.
13:20Well, if we should be having another kid and we're hiding from the ones we already have.
13:23No, our fourth one will be different.
13:24This will be our special baby.
13:26We will finally get everything right.
13:28Hmm.
13:29Oh, God, you're making a lot of sense right now.
13:31Yeah.
13:32You know what?
13:32What are the odds we mess up four in a row?
13:34Right?
13:34Let's do this.
13:35It can still work, right?
13:38Hmm.
13:40I tell you I want to have a baby with you and then you call me old.
13:44No, that was a practical question.
13:46I would never call you old.
13:47I'm old.
13:48We're the same age.
13:50You have to know how I'm going to react if you say something like that to me.
13:54No, you see, that's just it.
13:55I don't know because I don't know what I'm saying.
13:56Nine times out of ten, I don't think.
13:58I just speak.
13:59So when I ask, can it still work?
14:01I just want to know if we're playing with live bullets.
14:03Well, you're the bullet, so you tell me.
14:05Oh, my bullets are live.
14:07Yeah?
14:07Yeah.
14:08I just want to know if the target is...
14:13fresh.
14:13So right there, were you thinking or just speaking again?
14:18I thought I was thinking, but it turns out I just spoke.
14:22Yeah.
14:23Come on.
14:23I know.
14:24I think I'm good.
14:25I'm...
14:26I'm...
14:26Yeah, I'm good.
14:27I'm good.
14:28I'm good.
14:29Heather.
14:31You still want the ice?
14:37Rise and shine, high school.
14:39Oh, your parental units are here.
14:49So how was it?
14:59You ate your sandwich.
15:03It's a classic.
15:14Kids, I just want you to know that it's okay that you're not crying, because we each
15:18grieve over your father's death in different ways.
15:24You're putting on quite a show, huh, Mom?
15:26How are we supposed to act?
15:27I've never been to one of these before.
15:29It's going to be okay.
15:30That's how you act?
15:32Thank you, sweetie.
15:34Your father would be proud of you.
15:37Oh, here he is now.
15:40Are we supposed to clap?
15:41Hello.
15:42And thank you all for coming to my funeral.
15:45Is this a cool 70th birthday party or what?
15:49I actually thought of it after going to my dear friend Chuck's funeral, and I thought,
15:55wouldn't he be tickled to hear everybody's kind words?
15:59So I said to Joni, I don't want to miss that.
16:02Let's just do this while I'm still here to enjoy it.
16:05And besides, this is a terrific opportunity to bring my busy family together with everyone's
16:11lives moving so fast.
16:13My grandson, Tyler, he's applying for college.
16:17His sister, Samantha, she just had her first period.
16:21And my son, Greg, had our fourth grandchild with his wife.
16:28Your dad just forgot my name again.
16:29No, he didn't.
16:30His wonderful wife.
16:32It's cool.
16:33I've only been a part of this family for five years.
16:35There she is.
16:37So enough of my yakking.
16:39Let's get on with the eulogies, huh?
16:41Cheers.
16:42Cheers.
16:43Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods, for nothing now can ever come to any good.
16:54Honey, did you write that?
16:56I mean, that should be published.
16:58Thanks, Mom.
17:00Stole that from Four Weddings and a Funeral.
17:02Stole it from W.H.
17:03Houghton, so technically I didn't steal it.
17:05I just performed it.
17:06Okay, Dad.
17:07Um, I love you.
17:10And, uh, yeah, I miss you.
17:11Stop talking to me.
17:12But I'm not talking to you.
17:15I'm talking to you like you were in heaven.
17:17You stop talking to me.
17:18Well, whatever you're doing, it's not good.
17:21It takes everybody out of this.
17:23You don't think that you sitting there is taking people out of this?
17:28May I continue?
17:30Well, it depends on what you're going to say.
17:31I mean, obviously, you didn't come here very prepared.
17:34Okay, great.
17:38Next.
17:40And it seems to me
17:42You live your life
17:44Like a candle in the wind
17:46Never knowing who reclaimed you
17:50When the rain set in
17:52And I would have liked to know you
17:56But I was just a kid
17:58Your candle burned out long before
18:01Your legend ever did
18:08What can I say about this man
18:12That I have cherished for 49 years
18:18I just love him
18:22I'm sorry
18:23Easy on the waterworks, Joanie
18:25No
18:25They get it, honey
18:26This is real
18:28You son of a bitch
18:30I mean, not this
18:31Not this
18:32But that
18:32That's real
18:33And someday
18:34Someday I'm going to be standing up here
18:36And you're not going to be saying
18:37Easy on the waterworks
18:39Are you?
18:41Oh, I'm so sorry
18:43It's just so ridiculous
18:45This whole thing
18:48Jerky idea
18:49Jerk
18:56It's clear we are not doing that
18:59Mom, are you okay?
19:01You guys all right?
19:02Hey, uh, I'd like to apologize
19:06This was a terrible idea
19:08You know, you kept asking
19:09Why don't more people do this?
19:12This is why
19:14I don't want to die
19:15Who said anything about you dying?
19:18Everyone
19:19Were you not listening?
19:20Look, what you kids don't get
19:21Is life is about these moments
19:23These pieces of time
19:25These slices of life
19:27That flash by
19:29But they stay in your heart forever
19:33I'm running out of moments
19:35How many more do I get?
19:36Oh, honey
19:37Hmm?
19:38We still have plenty of time left
19:4170 is the new 80
19:43You mean the new 60?
19:45Whatever
19:45The point is that we still have many
19:48Wonderful years left
19:54I just hope I die before you
19:55So I don't have to go through this again
20:02Hey, Tony
20:03Oh!
20:05What are you doing in there?
20:07I just want to see what it feels like
20:08You're sick
20:09Get out of there
20:11Oh, it feels really good on my back
20:13And there's room in here for you, too
20:16Is there?
20:17Yeah
20:20Turn on your sign
20:24Oh!
20:25Oh, honey
20:26Hey
20:27Oh, Johnny
20:28Hey, there's no air in here
20:30It's just jammed
20:31Oh, help!
20:32Help!
20:33Jody, what are you waiting for?
20:35Lift the damn lid
20:36Gun!
20:37Shut up or you're gonna run out of air
20:39What?
20:40What is going on?
20:41Their tools weren't working
20:43So we gotta roll them through the jiffy loop
20:44Across the street
20:45I don't like this
20:46I don't like it in here
20:48Oh, oh
20:49Hey, watch the corner
20:50Hurry!
20:51There's a dead body in this casket
21:19There's a dead body in this casket
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