- 9 hours ago
Dirty Work
Jonesy starts his own business, a "breaking bad news service" that delivers all types of bad news to people on behalf of someone else, which he makes a lot of money on, and "catches girls on the rebound," too. Everything is fine, until Wayne gets furious at Jonesy for taking away his fries under his mom's orders, so Wayne starts man-hunting Jonesy around the mall. Also, to make matters worse, Jonesy is hired by Nikki's boyfriend to break up with her on his behalf. Meanwhile, bullying girls at the escalator hold Jen's house keys and Jude's old skateboard hostage.
Jonesy starts his own business, a "breaking bad news service" that delivers all types of bad news to people on behalf of someone else, which he makes a lot of money on, and "catches girls on the rebound," too. Everything is fine, until Wayne gets furious at Jonesy for taking away his fries under his mom's orders, so Wayne starts man-hunting Jonesy around the mall. Also, to make matters worse, Jonesy is hired by Nikki's boyfriend to break up with her on his behalf. Meanwhile, bullying girls at the escalator hold Jen's house keys and Jude's old skateboard hostage.
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TVTranscript
00:00The time's last!
00:08Hat-a-rocket time. Catch ya later.
00:12But I have to walk you to your counter.
00:15How else will I know you made it safely to work?
00:21Well, first of all, I'm here.
00:23And there's no girls allowed in the store on Tuesdays.
00:30Later.
00:33Just a little kiss for the road?
00:36I can't. That's another rule. No kissing in the store.
00:42There's no rule like that here, dude.
00:44Oh, I'm pretty sure there is, dude.
00:55Yikes! That was a level five clinger.
00:58Chuh! You're telling me!
01:00I've heard about chicks like this, but I've never actually met one.
01:05Tell Jonesy where it hurts.
01:07Okay. Every time I try to tell Rita that I want to break up with her, she goes all psycho
01:13on me and I lose my mojo.
01:15Breaking up is an art. Luckily, it's an art I've perfected over many years of dumping weirdos.
01:21I've only had one girlfriend, Star, and she was perfectly normal.
01:26Oh, yeah.
01:28Okay, let's look at this another way.
01:30Let's pretend this is like your reverse Ollie with a fakie flip.
01:34Okay.
01:34You can do it with your eyes closed, but every time I try, I fall flat on my face.
01:40Yeah?
01:41I can learn how to do a fakie flip, and you can learn how to break up with girls.
01:45All you need is practice.
01:47How about instead, I just give you five big ones to do a fakie flip on Rita.
01:53You're on! Sweet!
01:55But just so you know, I would have done it for free.
02:00Sorry, no refunds.
02:01Dude, dude, mine!
02:02No!
02:09I wonder what's keeping Judykins.
02:13Judykins isn't here, and he's never gonna be here.
02:15You're finished. Finito. Kaput.
02:18Done like dinner. See ya.
02:22If no one's gonna drink that.
02:24It's nothing personal, just business.
02:27Enjoy your coffee.
02:29Dude!
02:31Wow, that was cold.
02:34Hmm.
02:35So's my chai latte.
02:39Like I said to Psycho Chick over there, it's nothing personal. It's business.
02:45That's it!
02:47Guys, this is the start of a whole new Jonesy money-making empire.
02:50Check it out.
02:51For the low, low price of just five bucks, I will break whatever bad news needs to be broken any
02:57place, any time.
02:58You mean you're gonna do everyone's dirty work for them.
03:01You sure that's a good idea, bro? You might make a lot of enemies.
03:05No way, man! I'll be providing a much-needed service for the weak and spineless while making tons of coin.
03:11In other words, you'll be the tactless, unfeeling, completely selfish person that no one else wants to be.
03:16Totally!
03:17Okay, then.
03:19The first batch of the Smash Face Cosmetics line goes on sale in ten minutes.
03:24It's so hot right now.
03:26Later!
03:27Good luck!
03:28Right!
03:30Time to find some customers.
03:32Here, can you tell my step-brother not to leave his tighty-whities on the bathroom floor all the time?
03:37Psyche!
03:54Let go, Trisha!
03:57Back off, Lemonhead! It's mine!
03:59But I saw it first!
04:01Yeah?
04:02Maybe in your bed, where you're totally dreaming!
04:06Ow!
04:11Ow!
04:11Ow!
04:12Ow!
04:14Ow!
04:15Ow!
04:17Ow!
04:17Ow!
04:18Ow!
04:18Ow!
04:20Ow!
04:22Ow!
04:23Ow!
04:24Ow!
04:26Ow!
04:29Ow!
04:31Ow!
04:32Ow!
04:34Ow!
04:36Ow!
04:37Ow!
04:41That folding board is for the mini-tees, not the relief-effort hoodies!
04:46If maybe somebody needs to repeat the remedial folding seminar this weekend?
04:51You're right!
04:52I'd better let you guys handle this!
04:54Hey, Nikki!
04:57we still on for the concert this weekend well you did get the tickets so i suppose i'm stuck
05:03with you haha yes i know perfection like this must be hard for you to live up to
05:08uh we should try to get there around eight cool he's actually cute what does he see in her
05:15maybe his mom dropped him on his head when he was a baby our motto is we'll do what you're
05:21too chicken too what's with the crazy lid it's jonesy's new business he breaks bad news to
05:28people for cash no way so i was like your first official customer sweet yeah you can pay me later
05:35wayno dude get back to work you took money from wayne to yell at me bro not cool hey money's
05:45money
05:46next did you see that those escalator girls think they own the mall so let them have the escalator
05:58who cares they don't scare me didn't you hear what happened to that girl clara last year
06:02i thought she moved to fiji that's what the escalator girls want you to believe
06:07right mommy what happened to that lady's skin
06:19uh what's wrong with your face i look hot don't i i don't even need to look in the mirror
06:26smash face is so quality uh is it too late to demand a full refund please dark hands are so
06:34hot
06:35maybe you should apply it to the rest of your body then i'm sure smash face is way too expensive
06:41to apply anywhere but the face hmm uh khaki barn prison duty calls yeah i better get back too
06:50before coach halter sends out a search party
06:59this is so not good
07:05i have no idea what nicky sees in that loser
07:09why because he's not you no it's just that he looks like a jerk i mean who plays the bongos
07:16and
07:16check out that stupid hair
07:20only a strikeout king would dress like that
07:23you sound like a guy who's still not over nicky
07:27please nicky was a phase so over her
07:34uh yeah so back to business we've got a guy who hired you to tell his son he's grounded boring
07:40got anything in a nice firing
07:44oh yeah
07:52your boss hired me to tell you you're a girly little excuse for a maggot oh and you're fired
08:02there there your boyfriend just thinks he can do better that's all
08:08be strong little angel be strong
08:13dude 1980 called and it wants its hairdo back
08:17hey so weak
08:22your mom thinks it's time you had a salad
08:27hey you two no one needs to see that take it outside already
08:37this breaking bad news service is the best job i've ever had
08:41i just scored dates with five different chicks on the rebound
08:44sweet
08:46wait is one of them rita
08:47eh sorry dude she's totally crazy but still hot
08:51better you than me dude
08:53i don't know jonesy you're pretty harsh out there
08:56please i'm just the messenger
08:58you give me back my fries i'm serious man
09:01hey i don't care if you're fat dude talk to your mom
09:05they always shoot the messenger
09:11kate
09:13can i bum a glass of water here for my life makes me parched
09:20kate
09:21what happened to your face
09:23oh i told you this is just the new more tanned me
09:28okay i really think you should look in the mirror
09:38you're the one who told me about smash face this is all your fault but i didn't know it would
09:44do this
09:45okay if it weren't for caitlin i'd so be laughing at you right now
10:01i can smell you
10:05no one steals my fries
10:09that was close
10:11no way
10:12oh that's great news jill i am so stoked
10:16i can't wait to see you either
10:18love you too
10:19yes
10:22oh man nicky
10:25sorry man didn't see you there
10:26hey aren't you that breaking bad news guy
10:29yeah aren't you that nicky's boyfriend guy
10:32yeah looks like not for long though
10:35you're breaking up with her
10:36yeah
10:36i just don't know how to do it
10:38how much do you charge dude
10:40uh
10:41five dollars
10:42awesome
10:43uh tell nicky that it's over
10:44and that i'm really sorry
10:47you want me to dump nicky for you
10:49that would be great thanks
10:51wait why are you dumping her
10:52my ex-girlfriend's moving back to the city
10:54nicky's great but jill and i have history you know
10:56the only reason we broke up was because her dad got a job in montreal
11:00thanks man
11:01i owe you one
11:02uh
11:04oh beautiful money
11:05what have i done for you
11:07for you
11:15he totally stood me up
11:17you're my best friend
11:18what should i do
11:21excuse me
11:21your boyfriend hired me to tell you he's been dating
11:24well
11:24her
11:26personally i think he's an idiot
11:28you're way hotter
11:29no offense
11:34thanks for telling me the truth
11:36call me
11:38even scoring hot rebound chicks doesn't make me feel better
11:43well if it isn't the grim reaper
11:45what's the matter bro
11:46run out of customers
11:48no
11:48business is better than ever
11:50that's the problem
11:51what
11:52happened
11:53money
11:54and chicks
11:54can't buy happiness
11:57okay
11:57now i'm really worried
12:04last night i had to crawl in through the basement window
12:06i was stuck there for six hours
12:09i need my keys back
12:11help me kate
12:13i'm not going out in public
12:14it's too humiliating
12:16i'm hideous
12:17pretty pretty please
12:18i need backup
12:20those girls are huge
12:22okay fine
12:23i'll help you
12:24just keep an eye on them till i get back from my cosmetician's appointment
12:29you're the best
12:32ew
12:33have a khaki day
12:35what's better pink with blue stripes or blue with pink stripes
12:39hmm let's see
12:40both make you look shallow and self-absorbed
12:44look at her
12:45look at her
12:45so happy
12:46so oblivious
12:47she has no idea she's about to be dumped
12:50maybe it's just like ripping off a bandage
12:52just get in there and get it over with
12:53and be nice
12:57hey jonesy
12:58hey jonesy what's up
12:59i
12:59i
13:02uh
13:03come here you
13:06okay
13:09okay
13:10let's see what we have here
13:12brace yourself
13:13it's really bad
13:15helga has seen everything
13:19is there anything you can do
13:21i think i can help you
13:23oh thank you thank you
13:28i can't feel my forehead
13:30is it working yet
13:35hmm
13:36weedy
13:37is it working yet
13:38oh
13:39ow
13:40is it working yet
13:45please tell me it worked
13:46please tell me it worked
13:48my skin looks exactly the same
13:51no
13:51all fine wrinkle lines around eyes are gone
13:55wrinkles
13:56i am 16 years old
13:58i came here for my zit
14:01ahhhh
14:03shhh
14:04jen
14:04what's happening
14:07the escalator girls are holding my house keys hostage
14:10you can kiss those goodbye
14:12seriously
14:12this one time
14:13my skateboard wheeled over there
14:15and i just left it
14:17forever
14:18so i says to him
14:20i says
14:20what do you mean i have to clean it
14:23oh yeah
14:23i remember that
14:24their leader said if he ever tried to come get it
14:26she'd stick it somewhere really painful
14:29i love that board
14:30kate promised to help me
14:32i just hope she has a good plan
14:34whew
14:35for a minute there i thought she was going to ask for our help
14:38close one
14:39you guys are a couple of real heroes
14:43lemon's closed
14:45huh
14:45maybe the escalator girls have already gotten to caitlin
14:47check it out
14:49lemon
14:50closed
14:50due to severe
14:52ugliness
14:54speak
14:55jude
14:56it's caitlin
14:56caitlin
14:57you're alive
14:58yeah
14:59i'm just too hideous to be your in-person friend
15:02i can only be your on the phone friend
15:04bummer
15:05jonesy's not answering his cell
15:06can you deliver a message to him for me
15:08definitely
15:10okay
15:10you got a pen
15:14so how'd nikki take it
15:15were there tears
15:16i don't know
15:17couldn't do it
15:18here's your money back
15:19i don't accept your refund
15:22yeah well management reserves the right to refuse service
15:26if you don't break up with nikki for me
15:28i'll tell everyone you're dating five rebound chicks
15:31that's completely breaking the guy code
15:34watch me
15:35whatever
15:36nikki's more important to me than some stupid business or rebound chicks
15:40in fact you know what
15:41i'll save you the trouble
15:42jonesy
15:43you're fired
15:47what a whip
15:48no big deal
15:49nikki can be reasonable
15:51you're dumping me?
15:53what? in the khaki barn?
15:54my ex-girlfriend's moving back to the city
15:56i'm really sorry
15:58i knew it wouldn't last
15:59here
16:00in case you need to throw something
16:02go nikki
16:03hi
16:05i tried to get jonesy to do it in a nice
16:07oh wait a minute
16:08you did not just say you hired someone to dump me
16:11ooh
16:12popcorn
16:13shh
16:13this is about to get good
16:14yeah actually
16:15i thought it'd be easier coming from a friend
16:17but the guy wimped out
16:19i can't believe i ever actually liked you
16:21hey i was just thinking about your feelings
16:23right
16:24is this how you treat everyone you like?
16:26no only the people who really get on my nerves
16:28it's true
16:29you know what
16:30i came here to explain why we had to break up
16:32but i can see now that you're not interested
16:34got that right
16:35jerk
16:39hey nikki
16:40how goes it?
16:41except stone's a big fat jerk
16:44but
16:46i guess you knew that already
16:47yeah
16:48for the record though
16:49i never liked that dude
16:51and i gave him his money back
16:52so
16:53are you okay?
16:58yeah
16:59jonesy
17:00can i ask you a question?
17:02you don't think i'm harsh
17:04do you?
17:05totally
17:05you're a pain in the butt
17:06and if stone's too stupid to love it
17:09then it's his loss
17:10don't ever change
17:11got that?
17:13got it
17:14thanks
17:16anytime
17:20oh that's it
17:21picking on a little kid
17:23now they've gone too far
17:24wait
17:25are you sure you want to do this?
17:28yeah
17:28we already have one friend we're not allowed to see anymore
17:31someone has to stand up to them
17:33before you know it they'll be running this whole food court
17:35who's with me?
17:38fine
17:39i'll do this on my own
17:41hey escalator girls
17:43put that kid down and give me back my keys
17:46now
17:47now the keys
17:53thank you
17:55that was totally awesome
17:59you did it jen
18:01you stood up to the escalator girls
18:03no one has ever done that before
18:05i
18:05i can't feel my arms
18:12nasty
18:13i miss caitlin's lemon squishies
18:15they're that good
18:16no but she gives us a deal on them
18:18they're expensive
18:19here
18:20the next one's on me
18:21thanks
18:21what's this for?
18:23don't want it
18:24breaking bad news money
18:25bad karma man
18:28hello
18:29care to contribute that five bucks to the help caitlin's face fund?
18:33caitlin?
18:34where are you?
18:35don't try to find me nicky
18:37i am too ugly to be seen in person
18:40caitlin!
18:41hey!
18:41are you still wearing the smash face?
18:44it's too expensive to throw out
18:46it's a compact
18:47hand it over
18:48now
18:50what's with the tough girl routine?
18:52i'd listen to me if i were you
18:53the escalator girls thought i was pretty tough
18:56yeah
18:57only because i paid jonesy five bucks to tell them that you're a champion kickboxer who killed a guy in
19:03a fight last year
19:03jonesy!
19:04what can i say? five bucks is five bucks
19:07and i thought they gave me back my keys because i had the guts to stand up for myself
19:12hey! that's mine! give it back!
19:18oh no
19:21not the escalator girls
19:22i'll never get it back now
19:24now
19:25it's time to let the smash face go
19:35free refills all around
19:37my face is once again flawless
19:39can't say the same for the escalator girls
19:45ew!
19:45don't aim your sick puss at me!
19:49oh! my mistake beauty queen
19:53you're not invisible jude
19:56i'll just be sitting down again
19:59here! i'm hosting a killer party this weekend
20:03cool! thanks!
20:05great dj! we'll be there
20:08i guess you can come too
20:12sweet! thanks rita
20:14did somebody mention a par-tay?
20:18what the heck was that for?
20:20just a message from all of us rebound girls to you
20:24only this time it's not just business
20:26it's personal!
20:28jerk!
20:29hey that line is trademarked
20:31fork over the royalties
20:32laughing
20:34laughingquerís
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