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Watch The Big Bang Theory AMZN GalaxyTV Season 6 Episode 11 online in HD on Dailymotion.
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00:01Okay, now holding sides of hearth in position, lower mantelpiece assembly onto top tabs.
00:09Look at that. I built a fireplace with my own two hands.
00:13You're so butch.
00:15I got a little paper cut.
00:17Of course you did. Your hands are softer than veal.
00:22Oh, before I forget, Saturday I'm planning a little Dungeons & Dragons night with the guys.
00:26Really? That's how you're gonna spend your Saturday night?
00:29Come on, I hardly ever get a chance to play anymore.
00:31Oh, you poor thing. Is having a real-life girlfriend who has sex with you getting in the way of
00:35your board games?
00:38A little bit, yeah.
00:42Oh, great. I've always wanted to play Dungeons & Dragons.
00:45Oh, I'm sorry. I should have mentioned this earlier. You're not invited.
00:52Why not?
00:52Amy, from time to time, we men need to break free from the shackles of civility and get in touch
01:00with our primal animalistic selves.
01:04By rolling dice and playing make-believe with little figurines?
01:07You get like a bunch of savages.
01:12Saturday night? But I've been working late all week. That was gonna be our night.
01:16I have to go. We play as a group. If I'm not there, then everyone will blame you.
01:22They'll be all, Dornadette ruined everything. She's the worst.
01:26So, you see, I have to play Dungeons & Dragons for the marriage.
01:34You're an idiot.
01:37I'm your idiot.
01:39Forever.
01:42So, listen, I know we talked about getting a bite to eat in Silver Lake and then seeing the Christmas
01:48lights in Griffith Park,
01:49but Lennon's talking about a big D&D game at his place.
01:53Saturday night just went from crazy to epic.
01:56Woo-hoo!
01:57Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state
02:01that nearly 14 million years ago, expansion started way...
02:05The earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool,
02:08Neanderthals developed tools, we built a wall.
02:10We built the pyramids, maps, science, history, unraveling the mystery
02:14that all started with a big bang.
02:16Hey!
02:21All right, Sheldon, to start our quest, you need to open this little Christmas gift I got you.
02:27A Christmas gift?
02:28You know I don't enjoy Christmas.
02:32What's wrong with Christmas?
02:33Oh, where to begin?
02:35Trees indoors, overuse of the words tis and twas,
02:40and the absurd costume of one stocking.
02:43Everyone knows socks belong in pairs.
02:46Who uses one sock?
02:47A pirate with a peg leg?
02:50Actually, that helps, thank you.
02:53Would you just look inside?
02:56Oh, a scroll!
02:58I like scrolls.
03:00They're my third favorite system of transmitting the written word.
03:03After stone tablets and skywriting.
03:07You have all been summoned to join a thrilling Dungeons and Dragons adventure.
03:12Your quest begins in a secret northern village of elves who have all been massacred.
03:17I like where this is headed.
03:20Your task is to rescue their leader from a dungeon of ogres.
03:24Oh, that's a saucy twist.
03:26That leader's name, Santa Claus.
03:29But no, no, no.
03:31It's actually ho, ho, ho, but you'll get the hang of it.
03:35Thought it'd be fun to make a quest with a holiday theme.
03:38Fun?
03:38Mixing Dungeons and Dragons with Christmas is like making a sandwich of grape jelly, the best tasting jelly, and petroleum
03:45jelly, the worst tasting jelly.
03:49Okay, here we go.
03:50You find yourselves in the smoking remains of Santa's village.
03:54Clearly, a great battle has taken place.
03:56Oh, man, the first monster I see, I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand, and shoot my
04:01magic all over his ass.
04:06Do you cure yourself when you say these things?
04:11Okay, there are ogre tracks and a trail of broken candy cane to the snow.
04:15Sheldon, what do you do?
04:16I signal my contempt for your cruel plan to shove Christmas joy down my throat by making a gesture that
04:22says,
04:22get a load of this guy.
04:25Fine. Howard, what do you do?
04:27I follow the ogre tracks, checking for secret doors along the way.
04:33And you discover a secret door leading to a dark corridor.
04:36Okay, guys, let's make a plan.
04:37Spellcasters in the back, warriors in the front.
04:39Screw that noise, I'm going in.
04:41Hang on, Santa, I'm coming for you!
04:45Okay, you run into a room full of weapons, hit a trip wire.
04:52A cannon blows your face off, you die, you're out of the game.
04:56What?
04:57A cannon? Am I really out of the game?
05:00Lucky.
05:02Okay, come on, moving on.
05:04Wait, doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection?
05:07Because if you've got one, I need it bad.
05:12Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
05:16Okay, you need to say these things in your head before I say them out loud.
05:22Hey, guys, I don't mean to interrupt your little game,
05:25but I thought you'd like to see what you're missing out on.
05:27So, Bernadette?
05:35Bernadette's wearing leopard print pumps and a rat-tastic red dress from Forever 21.
05:47And there's Amy showing all kinds of ankle.
05:51And an outfit I'm assuming is from Forever 63.
05:56And I, myself,
06:01am wearing a little number that got me out of two speeding tickets and jury duty.
06:06I know they're making a rhetorical point.
06:08I just don't know what it is.
06:11See you boys, we are going drinking.
06:13Wait, can I come with you? My character died.
06:17Sorry, Raj, it's girls' night out.
06:19Maybe another time.
06:23Okay.
06:25Come on.
06:28Girls' night! Girls' night!
06:34How does he not hear that?
06:39So, what's the plan?
06:40Are we gonna teach our fellows a lesson by getting stinking drunk,
06:43luring strange men into the bathroom,
06:45and turning the toilet stall into a temple of the senses?
06:49No!
06:50Geez, who's Forever 63 now?
06:54Can we get another bottle of champagne for the table?
06:57Don't worry. It's my treat.
06:59Thanks.
07:00Wow!
07:01You should come to Girls' Night more often.
07:02And not just because if you weren't here, this would be a can of Pabst.
07:06My pleasure.
07:07Nothing makes me happier than the chance to spoil a lady.
07:10Just ask my dog.
07:11My vet says if I give her any more foie gras, she's going to die of gout.
07:16Hey, let's help Raj meet a girl tonight.
07:19No, no, no. I'm fine.
07:20Okay, wait. Are we talking one night stand,
07:21or do we want to get him into a relationship?
07:23Let's get him laid!
07:27Stop it. You're ruining Girls' Night.
07:31Raj, you're a great guy.
07:32You're in a bar full of single women. Let us help you.
07:34Yeah, you're a real catch.
07:36I know you're shy, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have someone wonderful in your life.
07:40That's sweet of you. But what can you do to help?
07:43Nose around, see if we can find a nice girl, and then introduce you.
07:46Okay. A couple of things.
07:49Don't tell them I come from money. I want them to love me for me.
07:54They must be insanely hot.
07:58Like nines or tens.
08:02Nines.
08:02Nines or tens.
08:03Okay, an eight is acceptable if she's willing to bring another eight to the hot tub.
08:08Bottom line, you'll take any woman who'll have you, right?
08:10In a New Delhi minute.
08:14I remember you buying these miniatures in my store.
08:18Oh, uh, yeah, I got them on Amazon.
08:21Sure, I get it.
08:22Why support a friend when you can support a multinational conglomerate that is crushing the life out of that friend?
08:30I know, but when I shop online, I can do it on the toilet.
08:34Have you seen my store? The whole place is a toilet.
08:37Can we please move this along?
08:38Yeah, yeah, sorry.
08:39Uh, you come to the end of the tunnel and find a large chest.
08:44What do you do? And Howard, do not say, I feel up the large chest.
08:49Excuse me, I'm a married man now. I wasn't gonna say anything so juvenile.
08:53Great, what do you do?
08:54I walk up to the large chest, bury my face in it, and go...
09:04I open the chest.
09:05It's locked, but suddenly the door behind you slams shut and now the walls of the room start closing in.
09:11That's not good. My character and I both have claustrophobia.
09:15Glowing letters appear on the chest that read,
09:18If squashed to death you wish not to be, sing of Svati Vaklav and his victory.
09:22Wait, who the hell is Svati Vaklav?
09:24The walls are getting closer.
09:25Oh boy, happy place, happy place.
09:27Wait, yeah, wait, Svati Vaklav was the Duke of Bohemia.
09:30You're ten seconds away from getting crushed.
09:32Nine, eight...
09:33Yeah, what are we supposed to do?
09:34Seven, six...
09:35Wait, wait, wait, Svati Vaklav is better known as Good King Wenceslas
09:38from the beloved Victorian Christmas Carol.
09:40Never heard of it, it must be the one Christmas song not written by a Jewish guy.
09:45Three, two...
09:46Somebody sing the damn song!
09:48Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen
09:51When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even
09:54The walls are getting slower.
09:56Brightly shone the moon that night, though the frost was cruel
10:00When a poor man came in sight, gathering winter fuel
10:09The walls stopped, you're safe.
10:10Well, that was amazing, children.
10:12How did you know that?
10:13Hey, it was simple.
10:14I combined a well-known historical fact about Bohemia
10:17with the memory of my grandparents, Meemaw and Pop Pop singing Christmas carols
10:21while I sat in front of the fire and tried to build a high-energy particle accelerator out of Legos.
10:27Okay, continuing our quest.
10:29Yeah, wait, there's still four more verses.
10:31Yeah, sing a song and not finish it.
10:33Hear the page and stand by me
10:35Thou knows to telling
10:36Yonder peasant
10:37Who is he?
10:38Where in what he's dwelling?
10:40Brightly shone the moon that night
10:42Though the frost was...
10:48Looks like he's doing pretty good.
10:50Of course he is.
10:51Look, that girl just got dumped by her boyfriend.
10:53She's angry, she's drunk, and her favorite movie is Slumdog Millionaire.
10:58That is some low-hanging fruit.
11:01Oh, here he comes.
11:03So, how'd it go?
11:04Great.
11:05I bought her a couple of drinks, and she gave me her email address.
11:09Ooh!
11:10Jennifer, and not even if you were the last guy on Earth, don't lose her.
11:16What?
11:17Sorry, Raj.
11:18Why can't I find someone?
11:20I'm smart, I've got a cool job, and my naturally bronzed complexion means I can pull off mustard yellow in
11:26a way most guys can't.
11:28Well, honey, it's not you, it's them.
11:31No, it's not.
11:33She's too beautiful for me.
11:35Why would you say that?
11:36It's true.
11:37I'm always attracted to women I can't have.
11:39I do it all the time.
11:40I did the same thing with the two of you.
11:43The two of them?
11:45I don't understand.
11:47Well, there was a time when I had a thing for Penny, and I thought she was into me too
11:52because she got drunk and naked and climbed into bed with me, but apparently I misread those signals.
12:00And you like Bernadette also?
12:02Uh, that was before Penny.
12:04I make it a rule to only fall for one of my friend's girlfriends at a time.
12:09I'm very old fashioned that way.
12:12So at, uh, some point you probably had a thing for me too.
12:19No, not really.
12:24Come on, Raj, not even a little bit?
12:27Not that I can think of.
12:31Think harder.
12:35Nope.
12:36I guess the heart wants what the heart wants, or in this case doesn't, I mean, at all.
12:45What?
12:49Ye who now will bless the poor, shall yourselves find blessing.
12:55Ba-da-bum.
12:58Done?
12:59I think the word you're looking for is bravo.
13:03Okay, you leave the room and find yourself standing before a pool of melted snowmen.
13:08No melted snowmen.
13:10Are there carrots and lumps of coal in the water?
13:12I don't know, what's the difference?
13:13It's a game of the imagination, Leonard. Paint a picture.
13:16Fine, you leave the room and find yourself standing before a pool of melted snowmen.
13:20There are carrots and lumps of coal in the water.
13:22Do we know what happened to the top hats and the corncob pipes?
13:25You see those too?
13:27Oh, it's like I'm really bare.
13:31I gotta tell you, this, this is the most holiday fun I've had since my therapist changed my anxiety medication
13:38and I stopped caring about the blood in my stool.
13:44Good story.
13:47What are you drinking there? A little eggnog?
13:49Yes.
13:50But is there a problem?
13:51No, it's nice to see you enjoying a holiday beverage.
13:54Pretty Christmassy.
13:56Since when is eggnog a Christmas drink?
13:59Eggs are available all year round.
14:01I've been known to enjoy this poolside.
14:04Come on, Sheldon.
14:06You know all the Christmas stories and the carols.
14:09You've got an eggnog mustache going on there.
14:11Just admit it.
14:12You're getting a little Yuletide spirit.
14:13Don't be silly.
14:15Christmas is a bunch of baloney created by the tinsel industry.
14:19Why is this so important to you?
14:20Honestly, because I had enough crappy Christmases as a kid and I'm tired of you sucking the joy out of
14:24them now.
14:25What's so bad about him?
14:27I grew up in a house full of crazy academics.
14:30Instead of leaving Santa milk and cookies, we had to leave him a research paper.
14:35And in the morning, you could tell he'd been there because the paper would be graded.
14:41No wonder you love Christmas. That sounds amazing.
14:45It wasn't amazing.
14:46Had a C-minus four years in a row.
14:49Yeah, I'm familiar with your work. C-minus was your gift.
14:57Amy, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.
15:00It's fine. I'm used to being the girl who never gets looked at twice.
15:04Didn't have my first kiss till I was 22 and I only did it so I'd give him back his
15:08insulin.
15:13Sometimes the pancreas wands with the pancreas wands.
15:17Forget it. I don't expect you guys to understand.
15:20I understand. In seventh grade, I played Spin the Bottle and it landed on Alina Shankar. She said if I
15:26came near her, she would break the bottle and gut me.
15:29You think that's bad? In college, I passed out at a frat party and woke up with more clothes on.
15:40Sometimes I get so lonely, I sit on my left hand until it goes numb. Then I put it in
15:44my right hand and pretend I'm holding hands with another person.
15:49I do that too. Sometimes the left hand tries to cop a feel. And I let it.
16:00It's kind of nice to talk to someone who understands what it feels like to be alone.
16:04It is, isn't it? But you're not alone anymore. Now you've got Sheldon.
16:08I do. And don't worry. Someday you'll have somebody too.
16:13Thank you. I hope she's half as lovely and amazing as you are.
16:19Thank you, Rajesh. He wants me. I'm good. We can go now.
16:26Dammit.
16:27What?
16:28Now that I know she doesn't like me, I'm kind of into her.
16:33All right. I think I cracked the code to lower the drawbridge.
16:39Let's do it.
16:47The drawbridge is lowering.
16:55Are my carpal tunnels acting up?
16:57Play through the pain.
17:09You did it. The drawbridge is down.
17:11You cross the chasm and find yourself in a small dungeon room.
17:16And in the corner, chained to the wall, you see a bloodied and beaten Santa Claus.
17:21He says, ho, ho, help me.
17:25Yes, we found Santa Christmas is saved.
17:29Don't ever tell my mother I said that.
17:32I take out my skeleton key and run to Santa to unchain him.
17:37But first I cast a spell of paralysis on Stuart and Howard.
17:40What are you doing?
17:41You can't talk. You're paralyzed.
17:44I get right up in Santa's big fat face and say, well, well, well.
17:49Jolly old Saint Nick, we meet again.
17:52Yeah, I believe the last time we spoke was in the Baybrook Mall in Galveston, Texas.
17:56When I was five years old. Isn't that right?
17:59Okay.
18:00And my mother dragged me there and she popped me down in your lap.
18:04And you asked me what I wanted for Christmas.
18:06And I told you my Pop Pop.
18:08Because that was the year my grandfather died.
18:11I missed him. And I wanted him back.
18:15This is weird, right?
18:20Pop Pop was the only one in my family who encouraged me to pursue science.
18:23But you didn't bring him back, did you?
18:26No, instead I got Lincoln Logs.
18:29Well, you can build a lot of neat things out of Lincoln Logs.
18:32But Pop Pop ain't one of them.
18:35And now you're here asking me for something.
18:38To save you.
18:39Well, sorry Mr. Kringle, but today's not your day.
18:43I'm leaving you here to rot.
18:45And I hope the ogres feast on your bones.
18:48I take the skeleton key and I toss it into the chasm.
18:51And on the way out I give Santa a swift kick in his bowl full of jelly.
18:59Okay.
19:00So Walwits and Stuart are paralyzed, Santa's dead, and I picked this over having sex with my girlfriend.
19:20Santa?
19:23Oh, hello Sheldon.
19:25You should be asleep.
19:28Well, then you shouldn't have jingle bells on your boots.
19:30I know.
19:32I've been wanting to talk to you.
19:35I'm sorry I disappointed you when you were a little boy.
19:41I can do a lot of magical things, but unfortunately bringing your Pop Pop back isn't one of them.
19:49I understand.
19:50But I do have something special for you.
19:55Close your eyes.
19:58Oh, I hope it's a train.
20:01Oh, it's better than a train.
20:05Two trains?
20:08Better.
20:09I'm getting three trains.
20:13Okay.
20:14Open them.
20:19This is for leaving me in the dungeon to be eaten alive by ogres.
20:25Hang on.
20:26In my defense.
20:27Ho, ho, ho, you big dork!
20:29Ha-h!
20:30Ha-ha!
20:34No, no, no, no.
20:45Ha ha!
20:45Ha!
20:46Oh!
20:47Oh!
20:48Oh!
20:49Oh!
20:50Oh!
20:52Oh!
20:52Oh!
20:56Oh!
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