00:02look I know you guys don't want to do this but we have no choice so you can
00:05either bitch and whine or we can just get it over with I got wine I got the B
00:09word yeah well it's in our contract to serve on a university committee and
00:14frankly this is one I believe in okay here we go encouraging more women to
00:18pursue a career in the sciences come on if I was any good at convincing women
00:22to do stuff I wouldn't have spent so much of my 20s in the shower have you
00:28ask me this whole thing is a waste of our time helping women helping anyone
00:34people should take care of themselves oh like yesterday when you made me drive
00:39you to the dry cleaners the pharmacy and the post office I'm not saying people
00:44can't use tools even an otter picks up a rock when he wants a clam you don't
00:51think it's worthwhile to try to get more women working in science I think that's
00:55incredibly sexist of you I believe in a gender-blind society like in Star Trek
01:00where women and men of all races and creeds work side by side as equals you
01:06mean where they were advanced enough to invent an interstellar warp drive but a
01:10black lady still answered the space phone oh I did spend a lot of my shower
01:16time with lieutenant uhura Howard's disturbing recollections aside I don't
01:24appreciate being forced to do banal committee work yes I know you're too
01:27smart for this exactly it's like asking the human torch to heat up your frozen
01:31burrito got it all right I'm thinking one way to counter bias in the peer review
01:37process is for papers to be submitted under gender neutral names like S Smith
01:42instead of Samantha Smith I suppose there is a history of professional women
01:46using their initials so as not to be prejudged Harry Potter's JK Rowling
01:51Star Trek's DC Fontana Van Nuys pole dancer Dee Dee Melon's all right I think we've
02:00really helped women today let's fire up the old Xbox please don't make this a
02:05school project where I'm the smart kid doing all the work while the slackers sit
02:08back and watch no we're not this time you're the smart kid doing all the work
02:11while that even smarter kids sit back and watch so you think I'm one of the
02:16smarter kids no you're a tool I was using to make my point
02:21whole universe was in a hot dense state that nearly 14 million years ago expansion started
02:28wait the earth began to cool the autotrophs began to drew me and recalls
02:32develop tools we built a wall we built a pyramid
02:34it's mad science history unraveling the mystery that all started with a big bang
02:46guys our topic is encouraging women in science can you at least play a less sexist game
02:57how is it sexist my character wields a battle axe as well as any man not to mention she has
03:05memory glands that could nurse a family of 30 and have enough milk left over to open a Baskin Robbins
03:15mother warrior princess franchise owner I hear glass ceiling shattering all over town
03:21sheldon you're always saying how much smarter you are than me
03:24spend five seconds and come up with one idea on how to get more women into science
03:31all your ideas address the issue at a university level by then it's too late you need to design an
03:36outreach program that targets girls at the middle school level and sets them on an academic track
03:41towards the hard sciences that's actually good why didn't I think of that some people are otters
03:47some people are rocks I wonder if there's a way we could give the idea a trial run maybe I
03:58could
03:58call my old middle school see if we can talk to some of the female students that's great try to
04:04set up
04:04something for the three of us to go over there now hold on well I'm comfortable speaking about science
04:08I'm not sure I know how to spark the interest of school children better Google it what exactly are
04:15you looking up how do I get 12 year old girls excited thanks again for letting me crash girls night
04:29are you kidding you brought fancy wine and made fondue I've slept with guys for less
04:40it's a joke based on real events
04:45anyway I was hoping I could pick your brains a little I'm supposed to take Lucy out Friday
04:50and I need a killer first date well evolutionary biology says that women are attracted to a man
04:56who's steady in the face of danger so I recommend an unsafe environment CD bar on the wrong side of
05:04the tracks picnic near a lunatic asylum a wine tasting on Skid Row Lucy has some social anxiety issues
05:16maybe we could start with something simpler why don't you take her to Disneyland you go on Space Mountain
05:22you're in the dark she's holding on to you yeah but you just have to remember that ride is shorter
05:26than you think and they take a picture of you at the end so make sure you got all your
05:29clothes back
05:29on it's a joke based on real events Disneyland I don't know with all the crowds and the weird
05:41characters walking around just reminds me too much of India I haven't been to Disneyland since I was a
05:48kid we should definitely go one weekend weekends are too crowded no blow off work go on a weekday
05:54hooky I've never played hooky in my life my mom said that's how girls end up addicted to reefer and
05:59jazz music more like how girls end up at a Best Western Hotel with a 34 year old guy named
06:06Luther
06:23I'm a man who can't talk to women trying to figure out how to go on a romantic date with
06:34a girl who
06:35suffers from such crippling social anxiety she can't be around other people yeah that's a toughie
06:52we're doing just Disney or California venture to
06:58nice of your old school it'll let us try out our science talk on some female students
07:02they're actually pretty excited I'm their most famous alum you don't count the serial killer who
07:07ate all those prostitutes this must feel pretty good for you coming back to your alma mater as an
07:14astronaut yeah last time I was here I was just a scrawny little nerd and now you're also an astronaut
07:23so many memories I mean how many times in these hallways was I tripped punched and spit on
07:33the master's in engineering and I still can't figure out how Scott Kapensky got me in my briefcase to
07:40fit in there hey what nothing smart we don't want any problems I can't believe I ditched work for
07:58Disneyland what did you tell your boss oh it was very clever I did it in stages at 7 last
08:04night I
08:05called about a problem at the lab and casually mentioned I was going out for seafood at 9 30 I
08:11called and told him that one of my scallops tasted weird at 11 30 I called and said I was
08:16throwing up
08:17like a fire hose at 12 45 I called and made nothing but dry heaving sounds and now I'm going
08:24to Disneyland
08:27Penny what did you say I work at the Cheesecake Factory I said bye
08:35so what are we gonna do first I don't know about you guys but I'm gonna make a beeline for
08:38the place
08:39that gives you a princess makeover oh that sounds like fun you're kidding right we're not just gonna
08:44get drunk and go on rides come on do it with us all right whatever how does it work okay
08:52so you pick
08:52your princess sleeping beauty snow white Cinderella they give you hair make up the works guess it would
08:59be fun to be Cinderella oh I want to be Cinderella too yeah we can't all be Cinderella then how
09:09do we
09:09decide well it's simple this was my idea I'm driving I'm Cinderella you bitches got a problem with
09:15that we could stop the car right now excuse me I'm eating a girl here it's kind of a first
09:35date in a
09:36library she and I are both a little awkward in social situations so it seemed like a good idea
09:45people say I'm a little awkward too may I join you no you can't join us go climb back up
09:56whatever
09:56beanstalk you came down from you can do better oh we're eating here we're having a texting date I love
10:26that
10:30as you're reading it will help to remember I have an adorable accent okay who's ready for some science
10:47me too okay I am dr. Leonard Hofstetter I am here with my friends dr. Cooper and real life astronaut
10:56Howard Wolowitz and we are going to show you girls how cool a job in science can be how cool
11:03you ask
11:03well how about negative 273 degrees because that's the temperature at which entropy reaches its minimum value
11:14did I just learn something new and have fun doing it what all right so now let's bring out
11:26theoretical physicist dr. Sheldon Cooper hello female children allow me to inspire you with a story
11:42about a great female scientist polish-born French educated Madame Curie co-discoverer of radioactivity
11:53she was a hero of science until her hair fell out her vomit and stool became filled with blood
12:02and she was poisoned to death by her own discovery
12:07with a little hard work I see no reason why that can't happen to any of you
12:16are we done can we go the thing to remember is you can go to outer space too I mean
12:27look at me I went to
12:29this very school those desks you're sitting in I was once super glued to one of them
12:37did you go to the moon no but I did go to the international space station did you fly the
12:44rocket no but I was in the rocket I didn't actually just flew around it's kind of like my uncle
12:53he's a
12:53flight attendant no I'm an American hero your uncle brings people nuts okay boy we are learning a lot
13:06here thank you astronaut Howard I am what's called an experimental physicist which is super fun because
13:15I get to test theories and work with lasers yes how did you decide to become a scientist oh excellent
13:23question um I suppose I've always been into science my mother and father are scientists I was kind of led
13:30in that direction it pushed might be a better way to describe it to be honest with you guys when
13:36I was
13:36your age I wanted to be a rap star like Snoop Dogg but with a healthy respect for the police
13:42yeah no sure
13:47you laugh just like my mother did after I confided I was derided and chided my moms and I collided
13:55she
13:55said my dreams were misguided that's just a little freestyle
14:08my dad's a gynecologist in India so if you're ever over there and need a checkup as he likes to
14:14say
14:15he's at your cervix that's terrible your dad should be sent to the pun attentionary
14:32that's a fitting punishment
14:40I still don't know what you do for a living
14:45web design
14:49anything I might have seen
14:53I don't know you ever look at porn websites
15:08no never what is porn
15:16sorry autocorrect that was supposed to say prom websites
15:25oh fun I love prom the romance the gowns it's like a fairy tale come to life
15:40sorry autocorrect that was supposed to say I like sports
15:48I never wanted to play the cello
15:53how do you how do you meet girls playing the cello hey hey you want to come over to my
15:57house and listen
15:58to me play an instrument that sounds like a suicidal bumblebee
16:02quick pull the fire alarm let's get out of here
16:06uh hello again um yeah I don't know if women in general have been actively discouraged from
16:14pursuing the sciences but uh it's clear you young women here today have been
16:24while I was listening to my colleagues waste your time it occurred to me that it might be much more
16:30meaningful to hear about women in science from actual women in science and I happen to know two
16:38brilliant examples who have agreed to speak to you on the phone right now
16:42Dr. Rostankowski Dr. Fowler are you there
16:45we're here
16:47thank you for taking time out of your very busy schedule to enlighten these young women
16:52it's our pleasure
16:59I'm Dr. Fowler and I'm a neuroscientist
17:02and I'm Dr. Rostankowski Wolowitz and I'm a microbiologist
17:06the world of science needs more women but from a young age we girls are encouraged to care more about
17:12the way we look
17:14and about the power of our minds
17:19that's true every one of you has the capacity to be anything you want to be
17:24unless you want to be Cinderella
17:28come at me see what happens
17:34this was really fun
17:38my battery's dying so I'm just gonna talk
17:42thanks for today
17:44I've been trying to do more things that scare me
17:46coming here was definitely one of them
17:49it was also really nice
17:51so thanks
17:53and um
17:55I'm gonna go
18:01maybe
18:02I could do one more scary thing before I go
18:05and give you a kiss goodbye
18:07you know if that's okay
18:11oh
18:12okay
18:13okay
18:18panic attack maybe next time
18:24I'm counting that as foreplay
18:31Ernie
18:32home
18:34you have fun today
18:35yes
18:37and I have a surprise for you
18:39please be Cinderella
18:40please be Cinderella
18:44well hello Prince Charming
18:50m'lady
19:04hey how was your... what?
19:08I can explain
19:09I played hooky with the girls
19:10then we all went to Disneyland and go...
19:12what are you doing?
19:14Disneyland, go on I'm listening...
19:20sheldon
19:21all Snow White needs is one little kiss to wake up
19:26heard you the first time
19:28it's just a sweet time
19:31that you guys can't say
19:40but you've got a lot of money
19:42but you've got money
19:45here on the phone
19:45you've got a lot of money
19:46and you've got money
19:48for some reason
19:49and you've got money
19:53for all these things
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