00:02how goes the hunt for bridesmaid dresses well if you don't mind looking like an orange traffic cone
00:07great girlfriends I have the answer to our dress problems really 12 years ago my cousin
00:14Irene and her entire family died in a horrific carbon monoxide accident the night before her
00:19wedding yes and no all those bridesmaids dresses remain unused and available to us for free
00:30so it seems that cloud of odorless deadly gas had a silver lining after all check it out still in
00:36the bags the gowns not the bridesmaids I don't know dead people's dresses yeah and cap sleeves
00:46I was hoping you wouldn't notice Irene was always a slave to a good bargain when it came to clothes
00:53and sadly as it turned out space eaters ladies please these four walls once housed an intellectual
01:01salon where the mind received nourishment as well as the stomach but through no one's fault penny the
01:10quality of dinner conversation in this apartment has declined and again I'm looking at no one in
01:16particular penny fine what would you like to talk about Sheldon what would you like to talk about
01:23Sheldon why do you hate us I've prepared a number of topics that should appeal to both the advanced and
01:30novice conversationalists okay that time you looked at me who didn't your skin is like alabaster do you
01:38even have pores topic one faster than light particles at CERN paradigm shifting discovery or another Swiss
01:48export is full of holes as their cheese and converse all right who wants to go to my apartment and
01:55look at
01:55bridal magazines me through no one's fault Sheldon we're leaving wait for moi you're leaving Sheldon
02:04sometimes you forget I'm a lady and with that comes an estrogen fueled need to page through thick
02:10glossy magazines that make me hate my body new topic women delightfully mysterious or bat crap crazy
02:23totally what's wrong with cat sleeves if you have the red figure for it they're adorable
02:54hey Amy what brings you to our neck of the woods
02:56your neurology department loaned me a culture of prions for my research on bovine spongiform
03:01encephalopathy she popped by to borrow a cup of mad cow disease it's hard to make degenerative brain
03:13maladies hilarious and yet somehow you do it that's fun to have in a lunchroom the real fun starts when
03:21you get to pick the rat you're gonna feed it to and maybe you choose the beady-eyed little mother
03:24who's been biting you all week please we're eating can we get that off the table and change
03:31the subject can we stand back well I turn this conversation into a converse sensation this time
03:39it's your fault I have 100 alphabetized topics from artichoke come on people it's just a giant
03:46thistle to the onomatopoetry of sleep I mean how long would it take for that mad cow disease to kill
03:56me
03:57I don't know four or five years no it's not gonna do it
04:06Bernadette keeps texting me pictures of penny and bridesmaid dresses they're out shopping right now
04:12yeah just the two of them I guess that's cool that's cool
04:20why are they asking me about this stuff what guy knows what a sweetheart neckline
04:35and it's coming down the home stretch
04:41come on we'll see you can do this
04:46damn come on thigh muscles you can do this
04:50yeah it was first place
04:54I would have been a great jockey if I weren't too tall
04:58I'm scared of horses
05:00Sheldon you're up
05:02what
05:02come on it's your turn we said we'd get more fresh air
05:07sorry I'm a little distracted I can't seem to get in touch with Amy
05:11I tried email video chat tweeting her posting on her Facebook wall texting her nothing
05:16did you try calling her on the telephone
05:20the telephone
05:24you know Leonard in your own simple way you may be the wisest of us all
05:32voicemail curiouser and curiouser
05:35if you're worried we can go over there and see if she's all right
05:38okay you know I heard in the news a bobcat has been spotted in her neighborhood
05:45I don't think Amy was eaten by a bobcat
05:47who thinks Amy was eaten by a bobcat
05:52you do
05:53Leonard I was just mentioning an interesting local news item
05:56now thanks to you I'm worried Amy's been eaten by a bobcat
06:00forget about the bobcat
06:01how can I you won't stop talking about it
06:08everybody hurts
06:12sometimes
06:14everybody cries
06:22everybody hurts
06:25sometimes
06:28she sounds weepy I don't like weepy let's go
06:30I just she's your friend step up
06:36Amy Amy Amy Amy
06:38where are you going
06:40I'm single I don't need this crap
06:45Sheldon what are you doing here
06:46you didn't respond to any of my electronic communications
06:49I wanted to be alone
06:54would you like to talk about it
06:56and keep in mind that no is a perfectly viable answer
07:02Sheldon my world is crumbling around me
07:04point of order
07:06as you're in distress
07:07it would be customary for me to offer you a hot beverage
07:12but I'm a guest in your home
07:14so it would be customary for you to offer me a beverage
07:19how do you want to proceed vis-a-vis beverages
07:22it doesn't matter nothing matters
07:26if you'd like to take your mind off what's troubling you
07:30word on the street is a bobcat has been spotted
07:36Penny and Bernadette went shopping for bridesmaids dresses without me
07:40and that made you feel sad
07:46yes I knew it
07:49you just keep going I guess I'm good at this
07:53it's just I thought they liked hanging out with me
07:55but I guess I was fooling myself
07:59when they were over here
08:00did you fail to offer them a beverage
08:05because I can see how that can stick in someone's craw
08:10Sheldon I'm gonna ask you something and I'd like you to keep an open mind
08:14always
08:16at this moment I find myself craving human intimacy and physical contact
08:20oh boy
08:25you know ours is a relationship of the mind
08:30proposal
08:31one wild night of torrid lovemaking that soothes my soul and inflames my loins
08:40counter-proposal
08:42I will gently stroke your head
08:45and repeat
08:47aww who's a good Amy
08:52how about this
08:53French kissing
08:55seven minutes in heaven culminating in second base
09:03neck massage
09:07then you get me that beverage
09:15we cuddle final offer
09:19very well
09:26oh boy
09:28oh boy
09:50I'm just saying second base is right there
10:00I'm thinking about adopting some quirky affectation like a pipe or a monocle or a handlebar mustache
10:09for all those girls out there looking for the Indian monopoly man
10:16this is not a safe place you can't share anything here
10:22the two of you need to get your women in line
10:27what?
10:28last night I was strong armed into an evening of harp music and spooning with an emotional Amy Farrah Fowler
10:33this on a night that I had originally designated for solving the space-time geometry in higher spin gravity
10:39and building my lego death star
10:42and why
10:43your gal pals Penny and Bernadette went out shopping for some wedding nonsense without Amy
10:48an action they took with no thought or regard as to how it would affect me the future of string
10:53theory or my lego fun time
10:57what do you want us to do about it?
10:59you clearly weren't listening to my topic sentence
11:01get your women in line
11:03you make them apologize to Amy and set things right
11:06I am a man of science
11:07not someone's snuggle bunny
11:10why do I have to talk to Penny?
11:12she's not my girlfriend
11:12you invited her to lunch four years ago
11:14everything about her is on you
11:16you make it so
11:20who she was Penny?
11:21thank you
11:22where's Sheldon?
11:23he was up late last night so I gave him an early dinner and put him to bed
11:28that's so sweet
11:29yeah but now he's gonna be up at dawn and wanna play
11:33so listen guys the reason he was up late is because he was taking care of Amy
11:38she's kind of upset
11:40why?
11:41her feelings got hurt because you guys went dress shopping without her
11:44I told you that would happen
11:46okay look this is her first time being a bridesmaid and she's just getting a little crazy with it
11:50she keeps on telling us stories about bridesmaid traditions and other cultures
11:54and they're all about getting naked and washing each other
12:04yeah and she keeps trying to figure out if our cycles have synced up
12:07so we can call ourselves the three menstruateers
12:12we thought it would be easier to look at dresses one time without her
12:15I feel terrible
12:17I know me too
12:18we'll talk to her
12:19hey wait
12:19how did she find out?
12:22Raj did it
12:26and he says he would do it again
12:32hey I'm sorry
12:33you sent me the picture
12:34I wasn't thinking
12:36oh Howie
12:36hey I'm usually pretty good at not blabbing
12:39you tell me tons of stuff about these guys
12:40and I never repeat it
12:45what do you tell him?
12:46oh you know just pillow talk
12:48you guys have nothing to worry about
12:50hold on did you talk about us when we were dating?
12:52no all your little secrets are fine
12:59yes absolutely fine
13:03I'll tell you later
13:09come on tumor
13:12come on tumor
13:13mama needs an aggressive little glioblastoma
13:17yay brain tumor
13:20probably not the same reaction you had when you got the news
13:26hi
13:27hello
13:28what are you doing here?
13:30well look we just wanted to apologize for not bringing you with us the other day
13:34that's not necessary
13:35it's like Sesame Street says
13:36one of these things is not like the others
13:38one of these things should die alone
13:42come on Amy look let us make it up to you
13:44we'll have a girls night
13:45we'll do whatever you want
13:46we can go down to the Korean baths
13:48and do that thing you were talking about
13:49where we wash each other
13:53with loofah mitts no hands
13:57it's okay
13:58I'm glad this happened
13:59I can stop pretending that some beautiful girl
14:01and her cute in the right light friend
14:03want to hang out with me
14:05Amy we're really sorry
14:07we feel awful
14:08don't
14:09I'll be okay
14:10you're not the first girls
14:11I thought were friends with me
14:12who ended up shunning me
14:13it's like elementary school
14:15junior high
14:15high school
14:16undergrad grad school
14:17and that semester abroad in Norway
14:18all over again
14:20oh come on Amy
14:22you don't get it
14:25look at this brain
14:26I don't really want to
14:29this is us
14:30Bernadette
14:31you are the analytical scientific left hemisphere
14:34Penny
14:35you're the creative spontaneous right hemisphere
14:37and where's Amy?
14:40she's right here
14:40the sad little tumor
14:42no one wants to go dress shopping with
14:47Amy you're not a tumor
14:49Penny tell her she's not a tumor
15:00did you know that when Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone
15:05he proposed answering it with ahoy
15:09ahoy
15:13I like it
15:15Amy?
15:16is that you?
15:18have you been drinking?
15:20I'm sorry
15:21I bet my sweet what?
15:24alright
15:25we're on our way
15:27what's going on?
15:29it would seem
15:29Amy is drunk
15:31in a liquor store parking lot
15:32really?
15:33Amy?
15:34Leonard
15:34be glad you can't keep a woman
15:36they are a handful
15:45oh look
15:45it's Sheldon
15:46and little Leonard
15:47hi little Leonard
15:50hi Amy
15:51hey cuddles
15:54cuddles?
15:55yes cuddles
15:56we cuddled
15:57grow up Leonard
16:01Amy what are you doing here?
16:02well I came here to get a bottle of wine
16:04like Penny taught me to do
16:05when you're sad
16:08yeah but why didn't you go back to your apartment?
16:11didn't you go to high school Leonard?
16:12parking lots are where all the cool kids hang out
16:15not that the rat bastards ever invited me
16:19maybe we should get you home
16:20oh hang on hang on hang on
16:22Sheldon
16:23what would it take
16:24for you to go into that liquor store
16:26buy a bottle of hooch
16:27take me across the street to that motel
16:29and have your way with me
16:34yeah Sheldon what would it take?
16:40I'm begging both of you please let's go
16:43oh come on
16:45oopsy daisy
16:46oh finally someone found second base
16:54I know how you feel
16:56I got a knife slicing through my frontal lobe too
17:02I
17:03what do you want?
17:04do you want me to give the friendship bracelet back?
17:07I never gave you a friendship bracelet
17:11when we first met I made one and pretended you gave it to me
17:13you can have it back if you want
17:16no you made that for you
17:18I want you to have it
17:21we know you're upset and you have every right to be
17:23but if it's okay with you
17:25we'd like a second chance to make things right
17:26we are really sorry
17:28and we were trying to think of some way to show you
17:30how much we care about you
17:32which is why it would mean so much
17:34if you had agreed to be the maid of honor at my wedding
17:37what?
17:38wait is this some kind of practical joke?
17:40like in Norway
17:41when my friends trap me in a sauna with a horny otter?
17:49no I want you to be the maid of honor
17:52oh my gosh
17:53no one's ever asked me to be the maid of honor before
17:56well that's not true
17:57once but then they all died
18:01so is that a yes?
18:03yes
18:04yes
18:05oh my gosh
18:06I have so much to do
18:07there's the bridal shower
18:09and the bachelorette party
18:10what should we do for the bachelorette party?
18:11oh I know
18:12we'll go to a Native American sweat lodge
18:14we'll take peyote
18:15roll around in the mud
18:16and paint fertility symbols on Bernadette's naked body
18:18so that's happening
18:21sure sure
18:22Vegas is fun too
18:24feel like crying
18:25of course I could just be hormonal
18:26oh wait
18:27maybe our menses are finally syncing up
18:29Bernadette?
18:30no?
18:31Penny?
18:31sorry
18:32really?
18:33okay yeah
18:34yay
18:41maid of honor
18:42Amy Farrah Fowler's amazing
18:44behind the scenes wedding video
18:45take one
18:48we're just trying on dresses
18:50do we really need to record this?
18:52I'm sorry
18:53are you the maid of honor?
18:56I am the bride
18:58so no
18:59and action
19:02what do you think?
19:03I love it
19:05what are you a nun?
19:06come on bestie
19:07let's see some skin
19:11oh Amy
19:12looking sexy
19:13you think they don't have mirrors in there?
19:15I know how I look
19:21oh
19:23Bernadette
19:24you look beautiful
19:25you do
19:27thank you
19:28not penny beautiful
19:29but beautiful
19:33come on bestie
19:34you're up
19:34give me a minute
19:35what is taking you so long?
19:38oh Amy
19:39get the hell out of here
19:41sorry sorry
19:42oh God
19:43Amy
19:43sorry
19:44sorry
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