00:02and reverse the spin on the antiproton and gamma becomes alpha multiplied by a matrix of negative
00:13i comma zero and there we have it conclusive proof that i am absolutely worthless after nine o'clock
00:45all right all right
00:50i see what's going on a little pre-halloween hijinkery
01:02a ghostly moan a rattling of chains a witch's cackle trifecta of haunted house cliches
01:12instead of eek i say yawn
01:23oh the walls are dripping blood which looks nothing like a phenolphthalein indicator
01:30exposed to a sodium carbonate solution
01:35see you in hell sheldon the most frightening thing about that is the missing comma
01:47okay
01:48all right
01:50that one was clever
01:52skeleton with phosphorus on a zip line
01:55come on out merry pranksters
01:57take a bow
02:03you should have seen your face
02:05yes there's nothing quite like the slightly widened eyes of mildly startled
02:11come on admit it we got you
02:13please
02:14fright depends on an element of surprise
02:17the simple fact is because i am much smarter than you and able to anticipate your actions
02:23it is highly unlikely that you two rubes could ever surprise me
02:28he's probably right
02:29we can't beat him he's just too smart
02:32gentlemen
02:39who had money on faints
02:40i had bs bands
02:42hang on
02:43looks like everyone's a winner
03:10watch out sheldon this little boy casper is a
03:12go-go-go-go-go
03:15droll
03:16not as droll as a grown man
03:18passed out in a puddle of his own urine
03:21that was pretty droll
03:23with a hint of ammonia
03:27yes enjoy your japes gentlemen
03:29think you've poked fun at a milquetoast academic
03:31well you've forgotten one thing
03:33i am also a son of the lone star state
03:35i'm texas through and through
03:37and we know how to settle scores down there
03:40If you doubt me, ask Mexico.
03:46Hot girl, nine o'clock.
03:49Don't everybody look at once.
03:53What is she doing in a comic bookstore?
03:55I don't know. She might be lost.
03:59Doesn't matter.
04:01Watch and learn.
04:08Hi.
04:09Hi.
04:12That's...
04:14It...
04:21Shut up.
04:25Are you getting this next month?
04:26Uh, yeah. It's issue number 21. First appearance of Hellboy.
04:29I know. I've been looking for it for years.
04:32Sorry.
04:33Hey, if I pretended to hit on you, could I distract you enough to sneak it away?
04:38Yes, but you'd be using your superpowers for evil.
04:42Damn. I'm forbidden by my Kryptonian father to do so.
04:47I'm Alice.
04:48Hi, Leonard.
04:50You're very cute, Leonard.
04:51Thanks. You too. You go ahead and take it.
04:55No, no. No, no. I... I... I did evil.
04:58Would you be open to a trade?
04:59Uh, yeah. Sure, I guess.
05:01Okay.
05:02Here.
05:03This is my number.
05:05Call me.
05:06Sorry.
05:07The poem's a little sweaty. What's that word?
05:09Alice.
05:11Oh, write your name.
05:12That makes more sense than penis.
05:15Later.
05:19Did I just see you pick up a girl in a comic book store?
05:23Because if you did, you'd get your picture up there on the wall of heroes.
05:26No, I don't think I picked her up. Besides, I have a girlfriend.
05:30It doesn't matter. This is the closest anyone's ever come. You're going on the wall, my friend.
05:38Be sure to check the mail.
05:40How many times are you going to tell me? What's with you?
05:42Nothing.
05:43It's not suspicious that I'm fixating. It's consistent with my personality.
05:48Right.
05:49Hey, guys.
05:50More Halloween candy? Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?
05:52Oh, yeah. That's gone.
05:56It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS sit at the same time.
06:01Leonard doesn't have time to chat. He has to get the mail.
06:04Would you relax? I'll get it in a minute.
06:06Hey, I was working.
06:07Open the mail.
06:09Excuse me.
06:17A couple of circulars. Nothing important.
06:20What's with him?
06:21Hang on.
06:33You might be from Texas, but I'm from New Jersey.
06:40Check it out. Jim Lee drew this of me two years ago at Comic-Con.
06:45What are you wearing?
06:47Well, you know, it's Comic-Con.
06:50I'm Lion-O from Thundercats.
06:54Wow, you must have gotten so laid.
06:56No, but Jessica Alba did rub my furry belly.
07:02Want to see a comic I draw?
07:04You're kidding. You have your own book?
07:06Yeah, it's kind of based on my life.
07:08Cool.
07:11Oh, well, look.
07:12There's you having sex with a guy in the top half of a Chewbacca costume.
07:19Comic-Con.
07:20You'd think, but no.
07:24You're very talented.
07:25This is really good.
07:26Did you do...
07:33So, can I trade you my comic for the Hellboy?
07:36You can have my car.
07:52Oh, dear.
07:56Oh, dear.
07:58Oh, dear.
07:59Oh, dear.
08:01Oh, dear.
08:02Oh, dear.
08:03Oh, dear.
08:04Oh, dear.
08:05Purell.
08:05Purell.
08:06Purell.
08:07Purell.
08:08Purell.
08:08Purell.
08:09Purell.
08:09Purell.
08:11Purell.
08:12Purell.
08:13Purell.
08:14Purell.
08:16Purell.
08:17Purell.
08:24Good morning, Charlotte.
08:25It is, isn't it?
08:34Oh, bother.
08:36Isn't that just always the way?
08:38You go to Staples something and you're out of Staples.
08:40Gosh, wish I'd known that earlier today when I was at Staples.
08:46You ever think of paperclips right there?
08:48Well, no, no.
08:49I need something more permanent to join these papers.
08:52Say, don't you keep Staples in your top desk drawer?
08:57I don't know, maybe.
08:59Be a lamb and check.
09:02All right.
09:07Who do we have here?
09:11It's a snake.
09:12A terrifying snake.
09:14Did some bad man put us in a drawer?
09:18Stop talking like that.
09:20You've been rendered speechless by fear.
09:23Let's go to the biology lab and find you some nice, yummy mice.
09:29I tried to scare an Indian with a snake.
09:33Yeah, come on, Cooper.
09:34You're better than this.
09:39It's open.
09:42Hey, you got a minute?
09:43Yeah, sure.
09:44Come on in.
09:45Thanks.
09:46Want some mac and cheese?
09:48No, lactose gas.
09:51Glass of wine?
09:52No, sulfites, migraines.
09:54Well, I'd offer you Halloween candy, but that's gone.
09:59So, what's up?
10:00Okay, well, we used to go out, right?
10:02Oh, my God.
10:03That's where I know you from.
10:06I'm dealing with a situation, and it's kind of about my love life.
10:10So, I know that might be weird for us to talk about.
10:13But in this area, as you know, all my other friends are just so stupid.
10:18All right, what's going on?
10:19So, you're okay talking about this?
10:21Yes.
10:21Sure it's not weird?
10:22It's okay.
10:23You know what?
10:24If you ever want to talk to me about a problem in your life with a guy, then I'd be
10:28fine with that.
10:28Okay, good, because there's this one guy I used to date who's about to be force-fed wine and cheese
10:32if he doesn't get to the point.
10:35Okay, uh, here it is.
10:38Is it cheating if a guy has a girlfriend?
10:40Yeah, probably.
10:44Come on.
10:45I'm sorry, go ahead.
10:46I met this girl, and she's great.
10:48We have a lot in common.
10:49Did you guys do it?
10:50No, we just made out a little.
10:53Oh, look at you, you bad boy.
10:56Did you tell her about Priya?
10:57Uh, I was gonna, but there were too many tongues in my mouth.
11:02That's gross.
11:06Here's the thing.
11:07I-I-I'm not one of those guys who sneaks around and sleeps with more than one woman.
11:11Well, good for you.
11:12The problem is I want to be one of those guys.
11:17So, sleep with the new girl and lie to Priya.
11:19Oh, that's not who I am.
11:20All right, then break it off with the new girl.
11:22Oh, no, let's not do anything rash.
11:23She's really hot.
11:26If you like this girl so much, why don't you just end things with Priya?
11:29Priya and I are in love.
11:31I think we could get married someday.
11:33Leonard, you're looking for a way to sleep with both women and have everybody be happy about it.
11:37Now we're getting somewhere.
11:42What does your gut tell you?
11:43Go ask Penny.
11:44She'll know what to do.
11:54Hello, Howard.
11:56I've realized that you scaring me was all in jest.
12:00Allow me to say, job well done.
12:10Perfect.
12:18Hey, what are you doing?
12:20Science.
12:21You wouldn't understand.
12:23Okay, well, see ya.
12:25I'm going out.
12:33I thought you were leaving the apartment.
12:36Yeah, me too.
12:37I can't make up my mind.
12:39Are you concerned because the world is filled with big dogs and bullies?
12:44No, I'm having a moral crisis.
12:47Well, if it's of any help, I've read all the great moral philosophers, including Dr. Seuss.
12:57Oh, what the hell.
12:59I'm supposed to go see that girl from the comic book store, Alice, but I don't know if I should
13:03because I'm going out with Priya, but she's in India.
13:05All right.
13:07All right.
13:07So the topic at hand is sexual fidelity.
13:11Probably won't be relying on Seuss here.
13:14Although one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish might be surprisingly applicable.
13:20Go on.
13:20Well, they say at the end of your life, you regret the stuff you didn't do more than the
13:26stuff that you did, and I'm pretty sure Alice is the stuff I want to do.
13:32You know, the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed that morality is just a fiction
13:39used by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men.
13:45That actually does help.
13:47It's worth noting that he died of syphilis.
13:55Screw it.
13:55I'm going.
13:56On your way home, will you pick up some orange juice?
13:58Do you mind?
13:59I'm questioning a lot of things in my life right now.
14:01Is one of those things your fondness for orange juice?
14:05No.
14:05Great.
14:05Drop a can of no pulp.
14:16Hey, Sheldon.
14:17Who is it?
14:18It's me, Sheldon, Mrs. Wolowitz.
14:21That's not my mom.
14:22It's Bernadette.
14:25Really?
14:26That's very unsettling.
14:28Hi, Sheldon.
14:30Hi.
14:31What's up?
14:32It just occurred to me that I never formally congratulated you on your pending nuptials.
14:37So I hopped on the first bus and hightailed it down here to shake your hand.
14:41You put her there, you old so-and-so.
14:45I'm going to see you at work in 12 hours.
14:48Don't you think I could have waited until then?
14:51Holy smoke.
14:52Why didn't I think of that?
14:54You're a better man than I, Howard Wolowitz.
14:56You put her there, you son of a gun.
14:59Whatever.
15:04It's...
15:06Oh, my God, Howard!
15:09What did you do?
15:10It was a harmless Halloween prank.
15:12Look.
15:12Howard has a heart condition.
15:14You know that?
15:15Well, I thought he made that up.
15:17Wait, isn't hypochondria a common idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?
15:24This is adrenaline.
15:25We're going to have to inject it into his heart.
15:27We are?
15:28You are.
15:28I'm not strong enough to get it through his chest plate, and we've only got one shot.
15:33Oh, no, I can't.
15:36Hurry, we're running out of time.
15:39Okay.
15:40Just do it.
15:40Oh, God.
15:42One, two, three.
15:45Trick or treat, bubble up.
15:48What?
15:50No.
15:51You mean this was all a ruse?
15:53Oh, how can I be so stupid?
16:04Damn it.
16:04I can't.
16:05I can't.
16:05I can't do this.
16:06Is it my tongue stud?
16:07Because if that freaks you out, you're in for a real surprise later on.
16:10No, no, no.
16:11No, I can't do this.
16:14Believe me, I really want to.
16:16But?
16:16But I kind of have a girlfriend.
16:19Are you kidding?
16:19Uh, you're cool with you and me just being friends, right?
16:22I don't believe this.
16:24Wait, I don't.
16:24Uh, which part?
16:27So stupid.
16:28I thought for once I'd met a good guy, but you're just another jackass.
16:31Oh, no.
16:31No, you have it wrong.
16:34No, I was going to be a jackass, but I stopped myself.
16:39I stayed a good guy, so I'm going to pass on to sex.
16:43But you should know that's not a comment on your hotness, but on my goodness.
16:48That's kind of my superpower.
16:50I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm like, Captain Good Guy.
16:56It's okay.
16:58Did the right thing.
17:00You idiot!
17:06Hey, Priya.
17:07Hey, sweetheart.
17:08How's it going?
17:09Uh, not so good.
17:10We have to talk.
17:11Oh, so I'm serious.
17:13What's up?
17:15Okay, uh, here it is.
17:17I met this girl, and I kissed her, and I feel terrible about it, but it's done.
17:21It's never going to happen again, and I am so, so sorry.
17:25No, no, relax.
17:27It's okay.
17:28It is.
17:29Yeah, these things happen.
17:30They happen to everybody.
17:32Oh, my God.
17:33You are amazing.
17:35I mean, I don't deserve you.
17:37What do you, what do you mean, everybody?
17:42Leonard, I didn't know if I should tell you, but I kind of cheated on you, too.
17:48I mean, kind of?
17:50A couple of weeks ago, I slept with my ex-boyfriend.
17:55So I guess we both messed up a little.
17:59No, no, I messed up a little.
18:01You messed up a lot.
18:04Well, it's not a competition.
18:06Oh, yeah, it is, and you won.
18:11I, I, I'm sorry.
18:12I'm sorry.
18:12I have to go.
18:15I don't believe this.
18:19Yeah!
18:28Bazinga punk, now we're evil.
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