- 1 day ago
The Five Finger Discount
While normally the most strict and lawful of the gang, Jen steals an expensive sports jacket to be hip and impress a guy who does not pay much attention to her. Meanwhile, Jude falls for a talking chair named Betty.
While normally the most strict and lawful of the gang, Jen steals an expensive sports jacket to be hip and impress a guy who does not pay much attention to her. Meanwhile, Jude falls for a talking chair named Betty.
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00:00Time's Less!
00:10Working at the coolest store in the mall, it's like, I'm finally where I belong.
00:14I know, I know, you all wish you were me.
00:18Yeah, that's right. I dream about it every night.
00:22But how'd you get hired for such a sweet job after being canned everywhere else?
00:26You just gotta know how to market yourself, my good man.
00:28A good resume opens doors.
00:31Isn't this your resume?
00:33Hey, give that back!
00:34It says here you were Volkswagen Salesman of the Year and Chairman of the Save the Lobster Campaign?
00:40Impressive.
00:41Real mature, Jonesy.
00:42So?
00:43Once I prove myself on the job, my resume won't matter anymore.
00:46Yo, Jonesy.
00:48Quiet! Here comes my co-workers.
00:52Christo! Blade!
00:53We're going skydiving tonight. Thought you'd like to join us for a jump.
00:57A jump?
00:58Out of a plane?
01:00Yeah, it says on your resume you're junior national skydiving champion.
01:04Then we're on for tonight.
01:05We pack our own chutes. Don't forget your crash helmet.
01:11I'm so there! Yeah!
01:16It was nice knowing you, Jonesy.
01:20Man, I heard people bounce when they hit the ground from that high up.
01:24Really? Because I heard they just go splat like a giant water balloon.
01:28Then there was the guy who died of fright on the way down.
01:31Sure, but the dude would've lived if he'd just pulled the right cord.
01:35The right cord? Which one's the right cord?
01:40One lemon swishy to go.
01:43Oops. Almost forgot to pay.
01:45Don't worry about it. New store policy. All friends get free drinks.
01:49You can't just make up policies like that.
01:51I've been working here for four weeks.
01:54I think I know what I'm doing.
02:01So, huh? What do you think?
02:03I still don't see why things that beep is so much cooler than Stereo Shack.
02:06How many times do I have to explain it?
02:08Stereo Shack is a computer store for geeks.
02:11The beep sells sweet gadgets like, well, this juicer tanning machine.
02:19Hmm. And check these out. X-ray vision glasses.
02:28Ah!
02:29Keep it down, would you?
02:30I've got an image to maintain.
02:32So that means none of your stupid stunts.
02:34Wait, they're always your stupid stunts.
02:37Well, don't encourage me then.
02:42Hmm.
02:44Hmm.
02:45Hi.
02:45Hmm?
02:46What's your name?
02:48Where are you, dude?
02:50Please say your name at the tone.
02:52Whoa, that chair sounds like a lady.
02:56Whoa.
02:57Is not my name database.
02:59Please say your name again.
03:01Jude.
03:02My name's Jude.
03:05Hi, Jude.
03:06I am the Tush Control 3000.
03:09A state-of-the-art, fully interactive furniture experience.
03:13Really?
03:14Hmm, sick.
03:15Just sit back, relax, and let's get to know each other better.
03:20Okay.
03:21Now, don't you feel better?
03:23Uh, yeah, dude.
03:30Guys, wait up.
03:32You won't believe what just happened.
03:33Don't tell me.
03:34Another skydiver got pureed by a jet engine.
03:37Pureed?
03:37No!
03:38Caitlin tried to give me free lemonade.
03:40She says it's her new store policy.
03:42Yeah, and then what?
03:44That's it.
03:45Wait.
03:46You guys did pay for your lemonades, right?
03:49Guys!
03:50Can't you see?
03:51Caitlin's having trouble adjusting to the real world.
03:53You know, the one where you need money to buy things.
03:56Overreacting much?
03:57She could get fired!
03:58Jen, we all get free stuff from our stores.
04:01You know, a demo CD here.
04:03A dog on a stick there.
04:05It's a perk of the job.
04:06The employee bonus plan.
04:08Minimum wage revenge, dude!
04:11Nikki!
04:12Help me out here!
04:13I took a pair of Argyle socks from the khaki barn.
04:15But you hate clothes from the barn!
04:17Yeah, they're gross.
04:18I'm giving them to Wyatt for his birthday.
04:20Nice.
04:21Am I the only one who thinks taking stuff from work is just, like, begging for trouble?
04:26Looks like it.
04:27Once, I used a piece of the store's packing tape for personal purposes.
04:31But I made sure I put in two minutes overtime for it.
04:34Okay, look.
04:34See this packing tape?
04:35Yeah.
04:36Much better.
04:38Masterson!
04:39Unpack this new stock!
04:41Ow!
04:42How do people get waxed?
04:44Don't ask me.
04:48The new Leon Shreds boarding jackets!
04:51I'd do anything for one of these!
04:53Anything?
04:55Alright, I'll buy it for you if you run naked through the mall with these flippers on.
05:00Believe me, if you could afford it, I would.
05:02It's really expensive.
05:05I look so hot.
05:07You're not the only one who thinks so.
05:11Carson!
05:13He's the cutest guy in the mall!
05:15Subjectively speaking, of course.
05:17But he's not half bad.
05:18It looks like he's got something in his eye.
05:20No, Shredhead.
05:21He's winking at you.
05:23Oh!
05:24Oh!
05:25But he's never noticed me before!
05:28It's gotta be the jacket!
05:30So, buy it.
05:31Can't be that expensive.
05:33Ah!
05:34Shopping hurts sometimes.
05:38Let the jacket go!
05:40Ah!
05:46Aren't you supposed to, I don't know, talk to the customers?
05:49Let me tell you a little secret I learned at the beep.
05:52You let the customers come to you.
05:55Excuse me?
05:56I'm looking for a gift for my grandson.
05:59Hey! I'm trying to talk to my friend here.
06:02Come back when I'm not so busy.
06:04You've gotta make them feel like they have to buy your approval.
06:07Right.
06:09Jude!
06:10Huh?
06:10You're so different from all the other girls.
06:13Jude, what are you doing?
06:15Hey, Jonesy.
06:16I'm talking to Betty.
06:17There's nobody here, buddy.
06:18Sure there is.
06:19Betty!
06:20I'm sitting right on her.
06:22Are you happy, Jude?
06:24I'm awesome, Betty.
06:26Thanks for asking again.
06:28Okay, that's just a piece of furniture with a computer in it.
06:30Furniture?
06:31You know, giving people labels like that is bad karma.
06:34Whatever, man.
06:35Just disappear before I get fired.
06:37Yo, Jonesy.
06:38There's some rich guy from Berlin who doesn't speak English.
06:41Why don't you help him?
06:42Sure.
06:43Give me all the hard customers.
06:45Well, you're the only one here fluent in German.
06:47Says so on your resume.
06:49Ja.
06:50Hey there!
06:51Wienerschnitzel!
06:52Come on.
06:53Let's get out of here.
06:54I'll be thinking about you, Betty.
06:57She's so smart and yet comfortable.
07:00Guys, I think I'm in love.
07:03With a leather armchair.
07:06Okay, I know.
07:07It sounds weird, but hear me out.
07:10Betty's beautiful, soft, easy going, and she makes me feel calm and relaxed.
07:17How many real girls do you know that have all that?
07:21Guy makes a good point.
07:23Man, I want to buy her something nice.
07:25I was thinking some saddle soap or maybe a throat cushion.
07:29Better grab it before my shift starts.
07:31Later.
07:34Dude is messed up.
07:35So what do we do?
07:36Pretend we don't know him?
07:38I've got it.
07:38The only thing that'll get Jude off a girl chair is a real girl.
07:42You know, one that doesn't need electricity.
07:47We got a whole mall full of hotties here.
07:49There must be lots of girls we could set up with Jude.
07:51Hey!
07:53What'll it be, amigos?
07:55The usual.
07:55The usual.
07:56Two spicy rats!
07:57I don't know.
07:58How many people do you know who could carry on a conversation with Jude?
08:01Right on!
08:02I just got a psychic message!
08:05Oh wait, it was just the static in my headphones.
08:08It's gotta be someone outside the box.
08:11Way outside the box.
08:13I just took a power sweat African ballet yoga class.
08:16Mad hard, but so fun.
08:19Oh, that's nice.
08:20This is gonna be harder than we thought.
08:23Two wraps.
08:24Here you go!
08:25And remember, life is just like a spicy wrap.
08:29Yeah?
08:30Yeah?
08:30How's that?
08:31How's what?
08:32Uh-huh.
08:33How about her?
08:36Why not?
08:37Worth a shot.
08:39Yeah, it's pretty cool.
08:41You know, me, the beep, me.
08:43But if anyone asks, I can't go skydiving tonight cause my dog died.
08:47Sure, whatever.
08:48Sweet!
08:49Wicked!
08:50Ooh!
08:53Hey!
08:54She's wearing my jacket!
08:55She's cute!
08:56Did she steal it?
08:57Want me to go shake her down?
08:58No, no.
08:59It's not mine.
09:00We just got them at the store.
09:02But all I can afford to do is drool over them.
09:04Life is so unfair sometimes.
09:08Of course you can afford one.
09:10You work there.
09:11You get a discount.
09:12Staff only get 15% off.
09:14And that won't help, believe me.
09:16I'm not talking about a staff discount.
09:18I'm talking the five-finger kind.
09:21You mean, steal it?
09:23Steal?
09:23Heck no.
09:24It's workers' compensation.
09:26Didn't you cover for two girls last weekend?
09:29Yeah.
09:29Aren't you their number one sales associate?
09:32Every week.
09:33See?
09:34The penalty box owes you that jacket.
09:36Hey!
09:37You're the girl that was wearing that cool jacket.
09:39You work at the penalty box, right?
09:41Oh, Carson.
09:42Yeah, that was me.
09:43But it's not my...
09:44Oh!
09:45Shh!
09:45Well, see you, Betty.
09:48Did you hear that?
09:49He called me Betty!
09:50Yes!
09:51Yes!
09:53Last time I called a chick by the wrong name, I got dumped.
09:58Where is everyone else?
10:00Why do I always have to put away all the stinky shoes?
10:05Oh, Carson wears these.
10:15Carson, you're like the god of all skater boys.
10:18Thanks, hot girl.
10:20You rock, too.
10:31Hi, Jen.
10:32Wow.
10:33You look gorgeous today.
10:35You want to be my girlfriend?
10:42Masterson!
10:44Masterson!
10:45You put a size nine and a half in a size eight box.
10:48And why are you kissing that shoe?
10:49You got your head on straight today.
10:51I was just...
10:52See, I...
10:53Two minutes in the penalty box!
10:55Yes, coach.
11:01Can't believe this.
11:03Best sales associate.
11:04No respect.
11:25Oh, looking fine, Jennifer.
11:28You notice something different about me?
11:30This is the new Leon Shred's Pipemasters jacket.
11:34Mm-hmm.
11:35So, how did you afford it?
11:36Oh, you know.
11:37Just a little thing called the five-finger discount.
11:40Huh?
11:40What?
11:40What?
11:41I don't believe it.
11:42You better be kidding.
11:43What were you thinking?
11:44Well, I was putting shoes away, and coach put me in the penalty box.
11:45Well, I was putting shoes away, and coach put me in the penalty box.
11:49And...
11:50Jonesy made me do it!
11:52Gotta get back to the beep.
11:55What?
11:56You guys do it, too?
11:57Yeah, well, we take, like, chocolate bars and stuff.
12:00You took a whole jacket.
12:01That is whack, dude.
12:03I've just taken a button off it or something.
12:06Jen, love the jacket.
12:09Hey, you a freelater?
12:10Sure.
12:16What's a girl gonna do?
12:20It certainly is big.
12:22Look how thin it is.
12:24Can I see it work?
12:27No problem.
12:28I'll let you handle this, Jonesy, since you studied advanced audiovisual electronics, right?
12:33Well, if it says so on my resume, then I did.
12:37All you do is turn this here...
12:40Oh!
12:43Whew.
12:46Whew.
12:46Ah!
12:47Now think about it.
12:52Uh, is it maybe too warm in here for that jacket?
12:55Too warm?
12:56No.
12:57No, I'm perfect.
12:58Well, you do look good.
13:00We have a 10-19 at the penalty box.
13:03A 10-19 over.
13:04Something about a missing jacket.
13:06Hey!
13:07Isn't that where you work?
13:09Jen?
13:10Psst!
13:10Over here!
13:12What are you doing back there?
13:13Um, sometimes I get, uh, shy.
13:17Ooh, let's go for a walk.
13:19This way.
13:20All right.
13:23Oh, yeah.
13:25Your lumbar massage cycle is like a spiritual experience.
13:30Jude, when you're happy, I'm happy.
13:33Maybe we could run away to Costa Rica, or I could run and pull you in a wagon since you
13:39don't have legs.
13:41Hi, Jude. Did you see the two-second hair curlers? What a time saver.
13:46No. Hey, wanna meet Betty?
13:48Oh, right. The chair.
13:50Yeah. Betty was worried that maybe you guys didn't accept her since she's made of leather.
13:55Jude, listen to me. You have got to get a grip. It's a chair!
14:01They just need more time, that's all.
14:09Ouch! Good height, though.
14:25Coach, are you okay?
14:27Hmm. One of the new Leon Shreds jackets is missing.
14:30I know it didn't sell. I checked the receipts.
14:33Oh, no.
14:34Oh, yes! That cuts into profits.
14:36Anyway, I'm sure that jacket didn't go missing on your watch.
14:39Probably got swiped while Anderchuk was running things. She's a lightweight.
14:42Yeah. Well, don't go too hard on her.
14:48So this is what we're going to do.
14:49I'll sneak in and return the jacket after the mall's closed. That way, Coach will just think it was misplaced,
14:54and I'm off the hook. Got it?
14:56Uh-huh. Except the part where you say, this is what we're going to do.
15:00I need help. You guys can watch for people coming. If someone sees me return the jacket, I'm screwed.
15:06Jen, love to help, but I've got a big meeting at the beep tonight.
15:09And I've got to get Betty a card. It's our two-day anniversary.
15:13Excuse me. You got me into this. All of you, with your minimum wage revenge, Jen. You're so out of
15:20it, Jen. Why don't you go steal, too, Jen?
15:23I can go to jail, and it's all your fault. And all you care about is your job and your
15:29chair friend.
15:31Okay, okay. Chill. We'll help you.
15:34That reminds me of something Betty said today.
15:38I can't take it anymore. Time to move.
15:42So, does he like tennis?
15:44Um, Jude likes...
15:46Chasing balls.
15:47He's like having your own puppy.
15:49Right. Puppies are cute.
15:51Aren't they?
15:52You pay for it, you can have it. Until then, you're banned from the beep.
15:57I'll get the money!
15:59Does this store have a layaway plan?
16:02Jude.
16:03Wyatt, you gotta help me, bro. They won't let me see her anymore. No one understands. Betty and I are
16:08soulmates.
16:09Oh, Betty!
16:12Betty? I thought you said he was single.
16:14I'm right here. I won't ever leave you.
16:19Oh, that poor guy.
16:23Oh, no. Dude just saw Betty.
16:26Betty!
16:29Wait a second. He's talking about a chair.
16:35It's the Tush Control 3000.
16:38Dude, no.
16:39No!
16:46All clear?
16:48Huh?
16:50Ah!
16:53Okay, I'm going in.
17:00This is so easy.
17:03So, Super Spy, what do we do about him?
17:07Aw, man. This could ruin everything. What do we do?
17:11I have a plan.
17:19Busted.
17:20I bet you were gonna pee in there, too.
17:23Yuck.
17:24Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
17:31Mission accomplished.
17:39Hey, look who's all happy.
17:42Yeah, I feel so much better.
17:44And what about Carson, the cute skater boy?
17:46Oh, he probably won't recognize me without the jacket, but I'm sure I'll survive.
17:51Masterson! We found the missing jacket. Under a pile of hockey gloves.
17:55Really? Guess it wasn't stolen then, huh?
17:57That's what I thought. Until I saw an unauthorized entry code in the store last night.
18:02So I pulled the security tape.
18:05Got these shots nice and clear.
18:08I know, I'm fired. I really don't blame you. I deserve it.
18:12And I should fire you, yes. But I can't.
18:15Why not?
18:16I've got to respect someone who does the right thing.
18:19Even if they had to do a wrong thing first in order to do that right thing.
18:23Wow. Thanks, coach.
18:25But you still get 15 minutes in the penalty box. All of you.
18:28Us? We didn't have anything to do with it.
18:40This is so humiliating.
18:42Tell me about it.
18:43Embezzlement. It's not a good thing.
18:45Hey, Jen just went about it the wrong way. If she'd only stuck to the small stuff, none of this
18:49would've...
18:50There he is!
18:51Guys, what's up? We know you stole something from the beep, man.
18:56No way! I didn't take anything!
18:59Yeah? So what's this?
19:01That's... that's a plastic pen.
19:03A beep plastic pen. I can even see the teeth marks where I chewed it.
19:06What? You're so fired.
19:09Hmm.
19:10You were saying.
19:20Hey. The usual?
19:22One lemonade coming up.
19:24I can't believe you can drink this after working here for a whole year.
19:28Thanks.
19:31Oops. I don't have enough change.
19:32Don't worry about it. It's a free b...
19:35Okay. No more freebies. No money, no drink.
19:39Exactly.
19:40But... we don't want it to go to waste or anything.
19:45I give up.
19:49Hey, look! They have a new Betty chair in tan! Much more tasteful.
19:54Oh, yeah. It's nice. I guess.
19:57You okay?
19:58Yeah.
20:01See you later, Jude.
20:04No offense, but... you're just not Betty.
20:07Sold your chair, huh?
20:10How'd you now?
20:11When my mom got rid of my old desk lamp last year, I cried for two whole days.
20:23Wanna get a swishy with me?
20:25Okay.
20:31Hi. What's your name?
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