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00:00Get in!
00:01Why do I have to do it?
00:02Don't you answer back at me!
00:04Well get in!
00:04You might be sharp!
00:06There are!
00:06Any fish to bite!
00:07There are!
00:08Get in!
00:10He's softening him up for the eating.
00:41The Good Guy
00:43The Good Guy
01:06The Good Guys have been summoned to the BBC.
01:09I always get the collywobbles when I get here. I get the butterflies in the tummy.
01:14Thought it was open on their own and everything.
01:17It's only nerves.
01:18Worse than nerves, right? I'm losing my nips.
01:20Just know if to clench them up.
01:21Find a toilet for me.
01:22Just clench them.
01:23Now.
01:23There you are.
01:24It's a bloody lady. It doesn't matter.
01:26Go on down in here.
01:27Keep going.
01:27You stand guard.
01:28Give us a shout if you need a hand, yeah?
01:31Excuse me.
01:32It's a police business.
01:32It should be clear, please, now.
01:33So, you're filming in here.
01:34Sorry.
01:34Would you please?
01:36Out now.
01:37Yes, me.
01:37Out of the door.
01:39Please would be nice.
01:40Please, thank you.
01:41Goodbye.
01:44Hi.
01:45Hi.
01:45Which room's Paul Jackson in, please?
01:48I can't tell you that at the moment, but have you got a name or your name, please?
01:51Yes, Detective Inspector Beach.
01:53Okay.
01:53I'll go straight up.
01:54No.
01:55If you could just make a moment.
01:57You don't recognise me, obviously.
01:58It's Detective Inspector Jim Beach from Operation Goodcoast.
02:02Right.
02:02If you want to take a seat, and basically I'll just call through to his PA.
02:06I'm here to see Paul Jackson.
02:08Yes, sure.
02:09Yes, I'll just go up.
02:10Yeah, just go up.
02:11Yes.
02:11Excuse me.
02:12Excuse me.
02:13I'm here to see Paul Jackson.
02:15Yeah.
02:15I've been here a long time now.
02:16Yeah, no.
02:16Do you just want to take a seat?
02:18She has only just arrived here.
02:19Yeah, I know.
02:20I've been here at least three quarters of an hour.
02:23Yeah, I do know that.
02:24Do you want to just take a seat?
02:24Are you all right now?
02:26No, I don't want to take a seat.
02:27I want to go upstairs and have my meeting with Mr Jackson.
02:30I know you don't want to go up there, but if you want to take a seat, and Donna will
02:31go up first.
02:33There you go.
02:34You see, Mark?
02:34There's more than one way to skin a killer.
02:36You shouldn't have said there was a murder.
02:38There hasn't been.
02:38It doesn't matter.
02:38You told lies.
02:40Oh, shit.
02:42Hello.
02:43Hello.
02:43We're here to see...
02:43Excuse me.
02:44Oh, look who's here.
02:46Little Miss Busybody again.
02:47Listen, Missy, I don't know who you are, and I don't particularly care.
02:51I don't know who you are.
02:52Who are you?
02:53What's your name?
02:53I'm Detective Inspector Beach, and I'm going to see Paul Jackson before you are.
02:56Do you understand me?
02:57And if you want to make yourself busy, you get Sergeant Ash and I cup of tea.
03:01Oh.
03:02Hiya.
03:02That's unbelievable.
03:03How are you?
03:03How are you?
03:04I didn't know you were coming in.
03:05Yeah, but it's surprising, because I haven't seen you for ages.
03:08Have we got a crew?
03:08What?
03:08Oh, no, they're not with me.
03:09He's not with me.
03:11What's your tea, coffee?
03:12What do you want?
03:12It's all right.
03:13I think this gentleman, he's getting me one of you.
03:15I'll get you one of you.
03:16Any biscuits?
03:17Okay.
03:17Get me a black tea as well, would you?
03:19Of course.
03:19I will call you.
03:21Get me a coffee.
03:22Yeah.
03:24These shows do really well for us.
03:26I'm sure you remember Lenny up the Amazon, Joanna Lumley on the Desert Island, you know,
03:30Ross Kemp in Alaska.
03:31They do very well.
03:31I really would ask you to consider taking the team on a BBC survival trip.
03:36Well, we'd love to.
03:37We could do anything.
03:38Make shoes out of bras and whatever you like.
03:40We can do it.
03:41Sure.
03:42I think the big thing is, I'm delighted you're so positive, the thing is now we've got
03:46to fix the date, because obviously you'll need to go on the BBC survival course before
03:50the filming.
03:50We're respectful.
03:52We survive in the urban jungle.
03:54We're trained, anyway.
03:55Every day is an assault course for us, so I don't think we're going to benefit from
03:58another course.
04:02Marooned on a desert island, DI Beach and the good guys put their Hendon training into
04:07immediate effect.
04:09So you beat us to it.
04:11Look at you two.
04:13Honestly.
04:13Sandals, shorts.
04:15Oh, there you go.
04:16What we need to prove, just for the record for the camera, is that discipline is going
04:20to win through here.
04:21This uniform, for example, is designed to assist, protect.
04:24It's the best thing you can wear in this situation.
04:28Discipline is the key.
04:29I mean, Joanna Lumley, fine, that's okay.
04:31But she didn't have the discipline.
04:33She went away with a very good figure.
04:34Quite voluptuous, actually.
04:36Went back a little bit thin, didn't she?
04:38Perfect.
04:39Discipline, in the only way that a special force can do, is going to win through in this
04:42case.
04:44Attention!
04:45Come on!
04:46All the men in, Sergeant Ash.
04:48Right, come on, me.
04:48Stand in the line.
04:49Attention.
04:51Put your bloody shirt buttoned up!
04:53Where do you think you are?
04:54Sorry, sir.
04:55Come on, sir.
04:57It's obvious to me, at any rate, that the only way we're going to survive
05:00this is if you listen to my hard-earned experience.
05:07Bill, Tussard, I want you to go off together and find some building materials, you know,
05:13something that we can make bricks out of for a shelter, okay?
05:16Right, yeah, sir.
05:17Right, now, the rest of you men, I want you to patrol the beach in pairs.
05:21Just like you would at home, okay?
05:24That's obviously going to give any ne'er-do-wells the impression that there's a very
05:30heavy police presence on the beach here.
05:33Well, the BBC have given us some dry biscuits and some water just to last us for a while,
05:38hasn't it?
05:38Yeah, not much, though.
05:39We have to ration it and do a wrecking with some fresh water somewhere else.
05:43So we've got to find, this is between seven of us, we've got to find the water first,
05:46and the biscuits do us for a couple of days, and then we've got to find some food.
05:50That's on, isn't there?
05:51Red light?
05:52Yeah, red light.
05:53It's on, yeah?
05:53Well, it is, the BBC have asked us to do, you know, them video things?
05:57Like, where you take what you're doing in the daytime.
05:58So, this is us just walking along the beach.
06:01Yeah, we're supposed to be walking along the beach.
06:03I think it's ridiculous.
06:05It's a deserted island, isn't it?
06:06Yeah, I know, but why are you?
06:08Look at that!
06:10Wait, you're making all the soap run in my eyes!
06:12Wait, we'll just chill around and I'll wash it out!
06:14You're holding it the wrong way!
06:15I'm not!
06:16Look, just tip it back!
06:17I'll tip it back!
06:18No better!
06:18We're still on 2E, right?
06:20And I have to say, I kind of like it, cos though it's a deserted island,
06:23we're still British police, and we're still getting soaked!
06:26Hi-hey!
06:29Yep.
06:30All the soap.
06:33There you go.
06:35That's it, sir.
06:36What?
06:37It's all the fresh water gone.
06:39Oh, God!
06:40It's all gone.
06:42What are you looking at about, then?
06:45You see, Paul, I run a happy and efficient ship,
06:48because a ship can't be happy unless it's efficient,
06:50and it certainly can't be efficient unless it's happy.
06:53And that's why my men would follow me to the ends of the earth.
06:56The discipline instilled in them is such that they would do anything I say,
07:00without question.
07:01They never, ever question me.
07:03That fat bastard's used all the water!
07:06Watch your mouth!
07:07He's your governor, remember?
07:08I don't care!
07:09He's used all the water.
07:10Well, that was supposed to last her for three days!
07:11Look!
07:12He's used it all!
07:13I don't believe it!
07:14Hold on, hold on, hold on.
07:15Where's all the dry biscuits?
07:17All dry biscuits!
07:20Oh, no!
07:22I don't like the look of that fat.
07:23It's definitely petering out.
07:25There's no more wood.
07:26What can I do?
07:26But if you'd let us go out and get some more wood, you'd smoke it up.
07:29You mad!
07:30Go out there!
07:31There's all weird animals out there.
07:32There might be a troop of baboons waiting for you or something.
07:35See?
07:37That's what I mean.
07:38Go and have a look, Ray.
07:40And we're very scared.
07:41You see, there's monsters out there, and they're big, they've got fangs,
07:44and they've got scaly skin, and they live in a cave.
07:46Oh, for God's sake!
07:47They do!
07:47There aren't any monsters out there.
07:49There aren't.
07:49There's probably just some cannibals.
07:50There aren't.
07:54Oh, God!
07:55There's another one.
07:57Sir, look, the fire's gone out.
07:58We've got to get wood from somewhere.
08:00Oh, for me.
08:01I don't want anyone going out there.
08:03There are obviously dangerous animals there.
08:05How's that?
08:07I'll just have to think of something else.
08:11There you are, Ray.
08:12A lovely fire.
08:13You're a genius, you know.
08:15I've never seen a fire so big.
08:16What a great idea that was.
08:23I know.
08:24I know.
08:25But we've got no more clothes to burn.
08:28God, what was that?
08:29Huh?
08:30Sir, we're really happy about this.
08:31We're going to burn up in the sea.
08:33Yeah, I'm going to fry like a crispy.
08:34I've got really sensitive skin.
08:35Oi, let me tell you something.
08:37And you...
08:37Oi, shh!
08:38You're lucky I didn't burn your helmets.
08:40Then you'd get sunstroke if I did that, wouldn't you?
08:43Just count yourself lucky.
08:45Can I have a word?
08:45What?
08:47We've burnt our own hats.
08:48What?
08:49We've burnt our own hats.
08:51God.
08:52Strings, come here.
08:53Come here, give me that.
08:53What?
08:54Right, now listen up you recalcitrant shower of shit.
08:57Well as you can all see, the sun's very hot and I'm very bald.
09:01So I've had to fashion myself a hat out of the coconut husk.
09:05Like this.
09:06And I've added a few leaves.
09:08And once I've burnt all our clothes and things, I managed to retrieve her majesty's police force badge.
09:15So that will still give me the majesty's police authority even though we're on the desert island.
09:22The devil has been gone for half an hour.
09:24More and more.
09:25He's just trying to get us breakfast, that's all.
09:27He said he was going foraging for food.
09:29Yeah, but why can't me and Bill go foraging for food?
09:31He's going for a bit in the weekend.
09:32He wanted to do it.
09:33Here we go.
09:34Daddy's home with the bacon and with the breakfast.
09:37We're all hungry.
09:38Yes?
09:38That's good.
09:39That?
09:39No, I wouldn't do that, sir.
09:41You've got to test them first, right?
09:43You've got to rub them on your skin.
09:44You've got to wait at least a week.
09:46And then if nothing happens, you can eat them.
09:48I can't wait a bloody week, can I?
09:49You eat it.
09:51Go on, you try it.
09:54Oh, it does smell nice.
09:55It smells like strawberries.
09:58A bit creamy and like honey.
10:00Look at it.
10:01Look at it.
10:04It was those berries I told you.
10:06Oh, it's Mr Knight.
10:08It's a berry.
10:10Help him.
10:12Blimey, Ray.
10:14Thank you for those berries I'm missing, are we now?
10:24Men, Sergeant Ash and I have been talking
10:26and we've decided that all we need to do really is to sit here
10:29and wait for those coconuts up there to fall
10:36to the ground.
10:37They're juicy, full of nutrition
10:39and we'll have a veritable feast.
10:41And not only that,
10:42you can use the coconut oil
10:44to make suntan lotion
10:46so you won't get burnt.
10:48It's little Uncle Ash's tip of the day, that.
10:55Sir, sir,
10:57at least let me and Bill go fishing.
10:58I mean, we could catch some fish, couldn't we?
11:00If anyone goes fishing, Desaad, it will be me.
11:02Is that clear?
11:04All I need is a pointed stick.
11:05Ray, let me a pointed stick immediately.
11:09Aye, sir.
11:09I'll show you what fishing is, Desaad.
11:11Sir.
11:25Relax yourself, relax.
11:28Relax.
11:33It's a very simple idea of the Governors.
11:35You see, as soon as the sharks smell blood, they'll all come.
11:39Ah!
11:42Help me!
11:44Help me!
11:47Having squandered all the rations
11:49and failed to provide a single scrap of edible material,
11:53Beach is about to discover rebellion is in the air.
11:57Me and Bill, we've decided that we're going to make a camp
12:01further up the beach.
12:02No disrespect, sir, but it's just we've got to survive.
12:05And we could do it a lot better on our own.
12:08If anyone wants to come, come.
12:09You're welcome.
12:10But it's up to you guys.
12:12I'll come, Sarge.
12:17I'm sorry, sir.
12:19Needs must.
12:21I'll remember who began this little mutiny de Sard.
12:24And you, Bill.
12:26And you, Mark Kemp.
12:29Bones.
12:33You're a very loyal officer.
12:34And I appreciate it.
12:37Well, you know, throughout the ages,
12:38men have demonstrated qualities that kingdoms have been built on,
12:41such as trust and loyalty.
12:43And Bones here has demonstrated both of those qualities,
12:46so Dan, I'm immensely proud of him.
12:47No, no, you've done very, very well.
12:49It's still flipping.
12:49Men putting trust and loyalty in people greater than themselves.
12:53People like me.
12:56You feeling better?
12:57No.
13:00Oh, you see, people laughed at me.
13:02They didn't think I'd be able to build a shelter here.
13:05Well, let me show you something.
13:06You have a look at this.
13:08There you go.
13:11Not bad for an urban policeman.
13:15All right, Mark.
13:16All right, Les.
13:18Meanwhile, the mutineers are making surprisingly good progress.
13:22It's not two up, two down.
13:24Can I stick upstairs?
13:25Yeah, there's a little bed up there.
13:27Because of the bugs.
13:28All right, guys.
13:28Oh, oh.
13:30We've got it all rolling in.
13:31All right.
13:32Yeah.
13:33Come here, come here.
13:34Quiet a minute.
13:35We've got all this food here, right,
13:37and you can all eat.
13:38Both of you can eat.
13:39Lovely.
13:39But it's going to cost you, all right?
13:42Best life.
13:43Best life.
13:44There won't be any more than a restaurant in London,
13:46but it's going to cost you.
13:48What?
13:48What sort of restaurant?
13:50Um, medium.
13:51Yeah.
13:52We haven't had hardly anything to eat or drink
13:55for some considerable time now.
13:57And some men, you know, affect their minds.
14:00You with me?
14:02Yeah.
14:02I'll just rely on my natural-born leader instinct.
14:06I am starting to see bones in a slightly different life.
14:11I am starting to see bones in a slightly different way.
14:12What?
14:13Stop looking at him in that way.
14:14All right, listen to me, Ray.
14:15Listen.
14:16Can't you hear the sound of the sizzle
14:17when the fat hits the fire?
14:19It's fat.
14:20Those legs, we can score them
14:22and rub them with sea salt
14:23and bake them very, very slowly.
14:25And the shoulders, all those shoulders,
14:27we can use those for sausages, Ray.
14:30He's a lovely little porker.
14:34And we're going to eat the fat little bastard.
14:36Honestly, I just have to say,
14:38that is the most fantastic lobster.
14:39I mean, you just don't get that at home, do you?
14:41That's sea fresh.
14:41That's because they're frozen at home, aren't they?
14:43Everything's frozen.
14:43And that is, as God made it.
14:45I'm blown away.
14:46I don't know if I could eat anything more.
14:48He's a little fat sod and we're going to eat him.
15:01Having escaped Beech's cannibalistic advances,
15:07Bones has joined the mutineers.
15:08Oh, that's a bit vicious, though.
15:11It's nothing here, no.
15:13So, you'd better be careful, would it?
15:16Bones, what's up with your bum bum?
15:18Oh, it's just some herbs.
15:22Some good cake army, actually.
15:26Last night, we heard the monsters,
15:28but we haven't heard them tonight.
15:30Don't get a head up of this.
15:31Ray, how many times do I have to tell you
15:33there are no such things as monsters?
15:36Oh, my God, what's that?
15:37Run!
15:38Run!
15:40Hopefully, you bastard!
15:47Ray, what are we going to do about these bloody monsters?
15:49They're everywhere.
15:51Serious problem, are you?
15:53There's how many monsters?
15:58All I want is something to eat.
16:00Lifelong friendships are becoming frayed.
16:03F*** off, Baldy!
16:05I will!
16:07Ray?
16:10Don't go.
16:13I'm really sorry you had to witness that outburst,
16:15but after 17 years,
16:16I'm just sick of his emotional blackmail,
16:19his physical abuse.
16:21However, it has been discovered
16:23that the good guys are not alone.
16:27Underneath the mountain,
16:28walking on the end of me.
16:33underneath the mango tree,
16:37underneath the mango tree,
16:39underneath the mango tree.
16:40Underneath the mango tree.
16:47It's me!
16:49You all right?
16:50You don't remember me, do you?
16:51Mmm, no, sorry, where was it?
16:53The name's Ash. Sergeant Ash.
16:56Oh, all right, nice to meet you. I'm Donna, you all right?
16:59Hi Donna, I like that.
17:00Hi, you all right? Sorry, no, you can't have none of my conch.
17:04No, I was trying to get hold of your shelf.
17:06Yeah, so the BBC asked if I wanted to do it, and I thought, why not? It's lovely, isn't it?
17:10Gorgeous.
17:11And the crew are really nice. You'll have to come and meet them.
17:14I'd love to.
17:14Yeah, they're really nice guys. Noel Gallagher as well, you know, from Oasis.
17:18Are you joking?
17:18He's on the north of the island, but he's got the right hump because Ralph Harris is next, though.
17:23He's been playing his didgeridoo too loud.
17:25It was Paul Jackson from the BBC made me go on a survival course.
17:29It was really good, I learnt loads and loads and loads.
17:31It's the one that Joanna Lumley did, and Ross Kemp, Lenny Henry did one as well.
17:36They all did it, and as you can see, it really pays off. Look at that, there's my dinner.
17:41It's lovely, isn't it? Do you want some more? It's not bad, isn't it?
17:44That is, honestly, that is delicious. Better than Nobu, isn't it?
17:47Sir, you really should eat some of these fish.
17:49I won't eat that, and you can't make me.
17:51But you do, you do.
17:52I've not eaten her food either. I'll catch my own, thank you very much.
17:56I'm surprised she can eat it without chips and vinegar.
17:59We were doing just fine until she came along, Geordie Bimbo.
18:04And now Ollie says, who done of this, who done of that, who bloody done of the other?
18:09That's really sick. He lives in her hut. He eats her food.
18:14Well, I don't need them. I can get my own food.
18:17Uh-huh.
18:26To be honest, I do have to say, I think it's a little bit strong, because they're mates and they're
18:29charging us, but...
18:30Yeah, I mean, we've run up a bit of a tab now. It's getting, you know...
18:33I have to say, the food is excellent, and Sergeant Bill, they are superb hunters, you know, and we have
18:38not wanted for nothing.
18:39No, they're the best. I mean, it's all on a plate for us, eh?
18:42Well, hey, BBC comes up trumps again, all right?
18:45But Dissard and Bill have a secret supplier.
18:48What we'll do is we'll get rid of all your, erm, drink-driving convictions for this, all right?
18:52You know that little wacky-backy problem you had?
18:54Just grab that. No problem.
18:57But keep it coming, all right, guys? We'll see you in two days. Two days.
19:01Cheers.
19:02So, look, all you need to do, if you want to go up the toilet, right, take a big hole,
19:06number ones, number twos, whatever, in the hole,
19:08and then just cover it up with some earth and some leaves.
19:11You'll find, if you're a bit constipated, like I am, coconut milk.
19:15Mmm. Yeah, it's really good.
19:16It's a good tip, innit?
19:19It's really funny, because, like, when I wasn't eating and drinking, I saw the monsters, and now that I'm eating
19:24and drinking,
19:24I don't see the monsters any more.
19:26Well, of course. I mean, when you don't eat, or you're dehydrated, it causes hallucination.
19:32You must have learnt that on your course.
19:35What course?
19:36Your BBC course.
19:40Look what I've found. I've found water.
19:43There's a water hole in its mouth.
19:47It's a little bit salty, but who cares?
19:49Oh, the other thing I've found here, look,
19:52is these lovely soft groundnuts that grow by the water source.
19:57Can you get them?
19:58Look.
19:59Isn't that beautiful?
20:03Can you get them?
20:04He's like a stagging rut.
20:06All he thinks about is down there, down there, down there.
20:09Just listen.
20:09Listen to this.
20:10Come on, listen.
20:13No, take the right one.
20:14What's my head done?
20:16If you suck really hard, there's lots of milk in the mouth.
20:18I can't get it, then.
20:19No, go on, suck hard.
20:21That's it.
20:23Disgusting, isn't it?
20:25What should I have got that I haven't got, huh?
20:27Well, I'll win it back.
20:29He's mine.
20:34I've got a mouth all that time.
20:38As you smell, that's gone off, hasn't it?
20:39You know, you've got to be careful.
20:41There's nothing worse than off fish.
20:42Really dangerous.
20:43Same's gone off.
20:44Ain't that?
20:45Oh, smell that.
20:48Give it a mark, eh?
20:50Mark?
20:50Do you want some whelks?
20:52Go on, I'll give that a go, yeah.
20:55Cheers, lad.
20:57Seventeen years.
20:58Seventeen years of my life I've come here.
21:01And she comes along.
21:03First I get a bit grey, putting on a bit of weight
21:05to trade me in for a new model.
21:07Well, I don't think...
21:10I don't think I look that hard.
21:16How do I look?
21:18Do I look alright?
21:22Just tell me what you want.
21:24Beach is desperately trying to win back Ash's affections.
21:35I don't feel too good.
21:37I've got real weird sort of pains, you know?
21:41I feel giddy.
21:42I really feel rough.
21:44Here, here.
21:45You've got, like, stabbing pains.
21:48You feel all bloated.
21:49Yeah, bloated, that's it, yeah.
21:50A seafood bacteria.
21:52Definitely seafood bacteria.
21:54Let me feel.
21:56I'm sorry.
21:57Did you get that?
21:58I'm afraid I don't know.
22:01I'm really sorry.
22:02It's not my life.
22:05Oh!
22:07Stop it, will you?
22:09You're scaring me.
22:10Follow me, Ray, and you'll be afraid no longer.
22:13Little Miss Clever Cogs Donna didn't find this for you, did she?
22:17Look.
22:21Mark, that's disgusting.
22:23I've got another one.
22:23I've got another one.
22:24It's not funny.
22:24Filth.
22:26We've got to do something.
22:26Can't we build him another shelter, Bill or something?
22:29Way down wind.
22:30Way down wind.
22:31No, no, listen.
22:31I know you might laugh, right, but in Thailand, right, when you've got an upset stomach,
22:36what they do, they get an unripe banana and they stick it in the orifice.
22:41What up his arse?
22:43Yeah, yeah.
22:43Butt plug it.
22:44Yeah, butt plug.
22:45It's a lot more social.
22:46Mark, look, I think you should try it.
22:48You've got to try it, Mark.
22:49That end.
22:49Come on.
22:50Because you've already done your underwear, aren't you?
22:52You're wearing these leaves.
22:52Stick it up there.
22:53Go on.
22:53Go on.
22:53Get it in.
22:54Go on.
22:55Ah.
22:58Oh.
23:00Oh, that's hard.
23:02Ray!
23:03What?
23:04Behold the waterfall.
23:06You can see it.
23:07Ray, come in.
23:09Water's fabulous.
23:10You shouldn't be in there.
23:11There might be alligators and things like that.
23:13You don't know, do you?
23:14But all things considered, I think it's going quite well.
23:17We've got food now.
23:18We've got water.
23:19We've got shelter.
23:20And the only one slight problem we've got is Mark's little bit of tummy trouble.
23:24But Bonesy's tie tip has really sorted that out, I think.
23:28Oh.
23:32Oh.
23:33Hi, Ray.
23:34Hey.
23:34You want one?
23:36I wouldn't go in there if I was you.
23:38It's full of leeches.
23:41They won't be tall.
23:50Oh.
23:52What are they?
23:52What's on me?
23:53What are they?
23:55They're the leeches.
23:56Oh my God.
23:57Ray, pull them off.
23:57I can't.
23:58I can't.
23:58No, they'll leave their heads in if you do.
24:00What?
24:00Just let them have their fill and they'll drop off at their own accord, won't they, Donna?
24:03Put salt on them.
24:04I told you.
24:05I told you, didn't I?
24:05Put salt on them.
24:06I can't.
24:07Just leave them.
24:08So, Donna Bloody Air's been on a BBC survival course, has she?
24:12And what's she learnt?
24:13How to put a mascara on?
24:15Well, I'll tell you what.
24:16She'll be crying for hope if she'd chipped her nail varnish, that one.
24:20Then you've got mussels and oysters.
24:21What you do with those is you tap them and they should close, then they're really good
24:25to eat.
24:25Winkles and whelks, what you do with those, they've got an air passage, a trap door entrance,
24:29which should close completely when you shake it.
24:32And then you've got limpets, you find those on rocks.
24:34What you do with those is you get your knife, fries it off, and it's a good thing.
24:38If it's really hard to come off, then they're the good ones.
24:41Then you can eat them.
24:42Tell me the truth, Donna.
24:43I've kissed someone once properly.
24:46Yeah, there you go.
24:47Was it nice?
24:48Yeah.
24:50Who was it?
24:51I can't say, no.
24:52Oh, go on, you can tell me.
24:54No, I can't.
24:54I can't.
24:55Sir Tommy not to tell anyone.
24:59Oh, I've got another one coming.
25:00Oh, no.
25:01I'm sorry.
25:02Not again.
25:03Oh, this is a big one.
25:04Oh.
25:05Oh.
25:05Oh, that's disgusting.
25:08I'm so sorry.
25:09That's making my eyes smart.
25:11Oh, look at these things.
25:13Here you go.
25:14Oh, mummy.
25:16Oh.
25:18Oh.
25:18Oh.
25:19I can't be having this.
25:20We're in the shelter.
25:21Take that.
25:22Light them as they come out, man.
25:23Light them.
25:24Because that'll stop the smell.
25:25That's disgusting.
25:27No, it's not like that.
25:28No.
25:28No.
25:28Has he done that kind of thing before?
25:30No.
25:30Look, stop you.
25:31There's no tunnels or anything like that.
25:33He's just making practice on a chocolate donut, you know?
25:36Ray.
25:37Ray.
25:37Sir?
25:38Ray.
25:39Sir, what are you doing here?
25:40They're not dropping off.
25:43What?
25:43I'm starting to feel heavy, so we...
25:45No, they will.
25:46They will drop off once they've had their fill.
25:48Look at that.
25:50Actually, it's night time now.
25:52But actually, things have really improved.
25:53Because Mark's liking his farts.
25:55It's definitely killing the smell, so it's much better in the shelter.
25:58Only thing is, he keeps burning his grass skirt.
26:01Oh!
26:03Oh!
26:04Oh, yeah.
26:10The leeches are still with me.
26:12They're feeding.
26:13And I don't care.
26:15Because I fed well tonight.
26:18Ha, ha!
26:22Ha, ha!
26:23Ha, ha, ha!
26:23Ha, ha!
26:24Ha, ha, ha!
26:25Ha, ha, ha!
26:26Ha, ha, ha, ha!
26:27Yeah, back there.
26:28Is there anything?
26:28Is there anything on my neck?
26:30Hmm.
26:30There's just like two marks, two puncture wounds or something.
26:35It's like you've been bitten, I think.
26:36Hmm.
26:37It's weird.
26:39Ray!
26:40Ray!
26:41Is it so good?
26:44I'm joking!
26:44I'm just...
26:45Stop!
26:47Oh, really, that looks crazy.
26:48Are you serious, actually?
26:49Are you serious?
26:51Are you going to get some help?
26:52Get some help.
26:53I'm going to get some help, OK?
26:54I'm going to come down.
26:55I'm going to get some help.
26:56I've always wanted to die at home.
27:00This has just gone completely, disastrously wrong.
27:04I've got a report here.
27:05Beach is losing blood.
27:06I don't know how, but apparently there's blood everywhere.
27:09Ash is bumming food off Donorair, which is cheating.
27:11They're cheating on this bloody thing.
27:13And Bones has actually punched one of our senior, most important artists.
27:17Bones has punched Rolf Harris.
27:19Did you know that?
27:21We've been looking for Sir now for two hours, but...
27:24Quite honestly, this is hopeless.
27:26We'll have to come back in the daylight.
27:30Sir!
27:31Sir!
27:35I don't care.
27:36There's a multi-million pound investment on that island.
27:38We've got multi-cross-channel shows going on there.
27:41The whole Christmas schedule is at stake.
27:43Get them off that island.
27:45No, no.
27:46Look, I recognise that tree.
27:47Look, stop!
27:47Stop!
27:49I think it's here where I left him.
27:51When another hour's passed by and we can't find the Governor anywhere.
27:55Let's be honest, I'm giving up hope.
27:57Oh, I've got one coming.
27:58Sir!
27:59Oh, no!
28:00Oh, no!
28:00Oh, please.
28:01Sir!
28:02Oh, it's coming.
28:03Oh, help me.
28:05Oh, help me.
28:07Here I am.
28:09All alone.
28:10Ray's left me for Donna.
28:12Just me, my leeches for company.
28:15They're hoping I'm going to get beaten by the monster.
28:18Look.
28:19There it is.
28:20Do you see its eyes?
28:22Get the light up.
28:23Where's the light up?
28:24The light up.
28:24Quick, quick, quick.
28:25Get your pants down.
28:26Get your pants down.
28:27I'm trying!
28:29Oh!
28:31It's still there.
28:32It's just sitting there waiting for him.
28:36Oh, my God!
28:38It's a dragon!
28:39It's a dragon!
28:40I'm gonna get you.
28:44Ray or not, here I come.
28:47I'm gonna get you.
28:50Ray or not, here I come.
28:54I'm gonna get you, get you, get you.
29:01Get you.
29:04Up in ì°¨.
29:05Hey!
29:08You're gonna get you.
29:10Here's to take a shot.
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